Podcast Summary: Aspire Insights: How to Speak So People Will Listen (with Communication Expert Jefferson Fisher)

Episode Information:

• Title: Aspire Insights: How to Speak So People Will Listen
• Host: Emma Grede | Audacy
• Guest: Jefferson Fisher, Trial Lawyer and Communication Expert
• Release Date: July 1, 2025

Introduction to Jefferson Fisher

In this insightful episode of Aspire with Emma Grede, host Emma Grede welcomes Jefferson Fisher, a renowned trial lawyer and communication expert. Jefferson discusses his New York Times bestseller, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, which offers a transformative framework for enhancing personal and professional relationships through effective communication.

First Impressions and the Art of Warmth ([03:08] – [05:06])

Emma starts the conversation by emphasizing the importance of first impressions, a topic Jefferson wholeheartedly agrees with. He explains that making someone feel warm and wanted quickly establishes a positive first impression. Jefferson states:

"If you want to have a very good first impression, make sure you're smiling as much as you can and the more you ask about them, the better it's going to go." ([03:55])

He highlights the significance of open-ended questions over closed ones to foster meaningful connections.

Calmness and Eye Contact in Communication ([04:07] – [05:54])

Jefferson delves into the role of calmness in communication, explaining that a calm demeanor provides a sense of security and control:

"The calmness gives sense of security... There's always another end to it." ([04:07])

Emma complements this by noting Jefferson’s excellent eye contact, to which he responds with practical tips on maintaining natural eye contact without making it uncomfortable:

"As long as I catch your eyes at the end of what I say, it feels as if we've had eye contact the whole time." ([05:06])

The Underrated Value of Small Talk and Banter ([06:10] – [07:41])

Moving on, Jefferson emphasizes the often-overlooked importance of small talk in building connections. He distinguishes between superficial small talk and meaningful banter, advising to focus on future-oriented questions to elicit more engaging responses:

"What are you excited about this weekend? What are you looking forward to?" ([07:15])

Building Confidence Through Assertive Communication ([07:41] – [10:36])

A pivotal part of the discussion centers on Jefferson’s philosophy that "confidence is not an act, it's an outcome." He elaborates that confidence emerges from taking assertive actions rather than waiting to feel confident beforehand. Key strategies include:

1. Eliminating Over-Apologies: Reducing phrases like "I'm sorry" to avoid diminishing self-worth.
2. Avoiding Undercutting Words: Steering clear of phrases such as "I hate to bother you" to maintain assertiveness.
3. Removing Adverbs: Cutting out filler words like "just" or "literally" to make communication more impactful.

Jefferson advises focusing on one practice at a time to build these habits effectively.

Saying No with Empathy and Respect ([10:36] – [16:09])

Emma brings up the challenge of saying no politely without feeling guilty. Jefferson provides a refreshing approach by suggesting to start with the no, followed by gratitude:

"I can't. I know it's going to be a wonderful time. I hope it's fantastic." ([12:11])

He contrasts this with the traditional "compliment sandwich" method, explaining that leading with the no is more authentic and less burdensome.

Handling Difficult Conversations ([16:09] – [33:25])

Jefferson offers comprehensive strategies for navigating tough conversations, both personal and professional:

• Define the Outcome: Start with the end goal in mind to keep the conversation focused and purposeful.

• Use Frames: Clearly outline what you want to discuss and how you wish to feel after the conversation. For example:

  "I need to talk to you about some comments you made at yesterday's meeting. I want to walk away with an understanding that this won't happen again." ([27:50])

• Assertive Language: Instead of saying "I disagree," opt for "I see things differently," which reduces defensiveness.

• Silence as a Tool: Incorporating brief pauses allows both parties to absorb and reflect on what has been said, often leading to more thoughtful responses.

"Silence is a whole lot more powerful because it's the absence of words, but it's not the absence of communication." ([34:53])

Workplace Disagreements and Conflict Resolution ([25:39] – [35:44])

In professional settings, Jefferson advises using structured frames to manage disagreements effectively. Key techniques include:

• Specify the Topic and Goal: Clearly state what you want to address and the desired outcome.

• Collaborative Language: When presenting an idea, share part of it and invite others to contribute, fostering a sense of ownership and collaboration.

  "I have 20% of an idea, I need your help with the other 80%." ([28:32])

• Handling Insults: Use silence and ask for clarification to defuse tensions without escalating conflicts.

Communication with Children ([35:44] – [53:40])

Jefferson shares heartfelt insights on teaching children effective communication:

• Create a Safe Space: Encourage children to express their feelings without fear of judgment.

• Model Vulnerability: Show children that it's okay to admit struggles and seek support.

"I make sure he tells me what he feels. And he's extremely empathetic in that way." ([50:07])

Emma relates this to her own experience with her children, emphasizing the importance of open and honest communication from a young age.

Email and Text Communication Tips ([43:41] – [46:41])

Jefferson highlights the unique challenges of digital communication, noting that emails and texts are often perceived as negative due to their transactional nature. His advice includes:

• Be Concise: Avoid lengthy paragraphs; keep messages short and to the point.

• Encourage Engagement: Craft messages that invite responses rather than overwhelm the recipient with information.

"Say less. If they want more, they know where to get it." ([44:03])

Vulnerability and Compassion in Communication ([55:38] – [58:23])

Addressing how assertive individuals can incorporate vulnerability, Jefferson suggests starting sentences with admissions like "I'm struggling" to connect on a human level and invite empathy.

"People relate to struggle. They don't relate to perfection." ([55:12])

Rapid-Fire Questions

Towards the end of the episode, Emma and Jefferson engage in a rapid-fire segment, touching on personal habits and aspirations:

• Morning Routine: Jefferson is awakened by his daughter and enjoys the smell of her hair.

• Bedtime Routine: Includes songs, prayer, puzzles, reading, and a cup of chamomile tea.

• Business Aspiration: Jefferson aims to maximize his positive impact through effective communication.

  "A better world begins with a better conversation." ([59:49])

• Personal Aspiration: Strives to be more present with his family amidst chaos.

• Influential Book: The Giving Tree deeply impacted him, reinforcing the value of continual giving.

• Values Evolution: Transitioned from valuing a large social circle to appreciating a smaller, more meaningful group. Now treasures quiet time and personal reflection.

Key Takeaways

1. Transform Arguments into Unraveling Knots: Approach disagreements as opportunities to understand and resolve rather than to win.

   "Don't see an argument as something to win. See it as something to unravel." ([54:04])

2. Learn Through Conversations: Enter interactions with the intent to learn and understand, not merely to prove a point.

   "Have something to learn, not something to prove." ([54:04])

3. Control Your Responses: Recognize that you hold the power to shape conversations through your words and reactions.

   "You control everything about your life simply by what you decide to say next." ([54:04])

Closing Thoughts

Emma and Jefferson conclude the episode by reiterating the profound impact of effective communication on both personal and professional relationships. Jefferson emphasizes that kindness, empathy, and clarity are foundational to being a good communicator.

"You can't be a kind person if you don't use kind words. Simple as that." ([55:12])

Emma encourages listeners to implement these strategies to build stronger, more meaningful connections in all areas of life.

Notable Quotes:

• "Confidence is not an act, it's an outcome." – Jefferson Fisher ([07:41])
• "Silence is a whole lot more powerful because it's the absence of words, but it's not the absence of communication." – Jefferson Fisher ([34:53])
• "A better world begins with a better conversation." – Jefferson Fisher ([59:49])

Conclusion

This episode of Aspire with Emma Grede offers a treasure trove of practical communication strategies from Jefferson Fisher. From making impactful first impressions and building genuine confidence to handling difficult conversations and fostering open dialogue with children, listeners gain valuable insights to elevate their interpersonal skills and achieve their personal and professional aspirations.