Aspire with Emma Grede:

“Creating Success Word by Word with Tracee Ellis Ross”

Podcast: Aspire with Emma Grede
Host: Emma Grede
Guest: Tracee Ellis Ross
Date: October 28, 2025

Overview

In this insightful and empowering episode, Emma Grede sits down with Tracee Ellis Ross—actress, entrepreneur, and founder of Pattern Beauty—to explore how being intentional with language and self-knowledge can help shape the trajectory of one’s life and career. Tracee shares her journey to self-assurance, the deep influence of her mother (legendary singer Diana Ross), the importance of purposeful manifestation, navigating independence and relationships, building a successful business outside of acting, and the personal philosophies and practical tools she relies on to design a fulfilling, authentic life.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Journey to Self-Assurance and Intentional Living

• Self-Assurance is Built, Not Born

  • Tracee explains that her self-assurance was hard-won, not inherent.
    • “It took me a long time to get to know myself, to have the courage to be that person and then to live as that person has just come in the last, I would say six to seven years.” (02:28 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
  • She discovered, by reflecting on childhood interests (like dog-eared magazine pages), that she "became the woman she always envisioned."

• Manifestation and the Power of Language

  • Tracee consciously manifests her desires by being intentional with language.
    • “I manifest really quickly. So I have to be intentional about what I language and the words that I use.” (05:11 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
  • She uses therapy as a space to clarify and articulate what she wants.

• Balancing Intention with Surrender

  • Tracee believes in being clear-headed about desires while realizing not everything is in her control:
    • “Even more than that, understand the balance of what is not in my hands and...allowing things that are better than I could have imagined.” (07:09 - Tracee Ellis Ross)

Upbringing, Family, and Modeling Agency

• Growing up with Diana Ross

  • Tracee had an “abundant, unusual childhood,” with artists like Andy Warhol and Marvin Gaye as regular figures.
  • Diana Ross the “Supermom”:
    • Managed to be present as a mother while handling an intense career:
      • “My mom is a mom before she is anything else…she would put us to bed at night, then go record...wake us up in the morning and sit with us for breakfast.” (08:56 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
      • “People say you grew up in your mom’s shadow. I feel that I grew up in her embrace.” (10:01 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
  • Tracee learned from her mother to stand on her own, seeing a template where “you could only be one and not the other was not true in my childhood.” (10:02)

• Lessons on Work and Agency

  • Dreaming big is important, but “know that you’re the one that’s gonna be doing the work.” (11:23 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
  • Diana Ross encouraged her kids to use her knowledge as a foundation, not as a limit.

Money, Independence, and Relationships

• Financial Advice & Building Her Own Wealth

  • Diana’s advice: “Either you’re gonna have to get yourself a really rich husband or a really great job.” (12:59 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
  • Tracee chose the latter: “I’ve built a really big, beautiful life. And I’ve had a big job. I keep having big jobs.” (13:09 - Tracee Ellis Ross)

• On Being Single and Dating Choices

  • Tracee is often presumed to be a "poster child" for singledom but says, “That’s just the facts. I also don’t publicize when I am dating.” (16:14)
  • She won’t date “just to have someone”; her choices are intentional:
    • “I’m gonna date a person that’s a match. I’m not gonna date just to date someone.” (17:03 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
  • Navigating questions about marriage and children:
    • “Will you please get out of my womb?” (17:36 - Tracee Ellis Ross, on invasive questions about having kids)
  • Her solo travel show is an extension of her philosophy of living fully without waiting for “someday.”

Advice for Younger Women

• Challenge Conditioning

  • “Is that what you want? Or is that some tape in your head from somebody else?” (23:15 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
  • She wishes she’d spent more time “dreaming of my life” rather than her wedding (23:37).

• How to Reflect and Know Yourself

  • Tracee shares practical self-discovery tools:
    • Journaling daily with questions like, “How did I honor myself today? What went well? What didn’t?” (35:18-36:12)
    • Review and highlight the emotional “Whoppers,” then ask what feelings and situations she truly wants to build around.
  • “It’s very hard to know what you like if you don’t know who you are.” (25:59 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
  • She recommends, “Start small. What did I like about today? What felt good?” (27:04)
  • “We can't be responsible for our first thought, but we can definitely be responsible for our second one.” (34:34 - Tracee Ellis Ross)

Embracing Imperfection and Emotional Wholeness

• Not Just Positive Thinking

  • Tracee rejects superficial positive thinking:
    • “I am not a believer in the ask and it’s given thing of positive thinking. I am a believer in a sense of wholeness for myself.” (29:21)
  • Makes “space for being afraid...for pain...for mistakes”—not pushing feelings away but acknowledging and moving through them.

• The Practice of "May I"s versus "I am"s

  • Instead of affirmations, she asks herself, “May I…?”
    • “May I instead of I am feels like it honors where I am and invites me to where I want to go.” (32:50 - Tracee Ellis Ross)

• Handling Challenging Moments

  • On carrying on during loss and tough times:
    • "I've had to be my funniest on my worst days." (29:21)
    • She leans on her support system and transparent communication.

• Flipping Negatives into Prayers

  • Tracee writes out fears or resentments, flips them into positive “prayers” or intentions, and returns to them when needed.
    • Example: “May I remember that I am worthy of belonging and connection.” (38:21-39:22)

Entrepreneurship and Building Pattern Beauty

• Origins as a Consumer

  • Tracee built Pattern Beauty as a solution for a problem she experienced her whole life: a lack of effective, affirming products for textured hair.
    • “I am a consumer...my entire childhood and life around hair products, there was something missing.” (45:58 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
  • It took 10 years to bring the brand to shelves, after numerous setbacks and industry skepticism.
    • “I wrote my first hair care brand pitch when Girlfriends finished...it took 11 years to get on shelves.” (47:29-47:41)
    • “This was 10 years and nobody thought it should be coming from me. This was before celebrity brands existed.” (47:50)

• Resilience in the Face of "No"

  • Tracee developed a system to process and learn from rejection:
    • “Do you agree? Is the no because you agree? Maybe your idea isn’t good enough. Do you not agree? ...Is it because you didn’t express yourself in a clear way...Every no brought me closer.” (51:28-51:59)

• Business Strategy & Leadership

  • Majority owner, with business partners providing capital and operations.
    • “I'm majority owner and I have full creative control.” (54:17)
  • Tracee’s strengths lie in storytelling, vision, and creativity, while she partners with experts for operations and scaling.
  • She follows a slow and steady, disciplined approach, not seeking rapid, risky expansion:
    • “I would prefer to do less and do it right than do more and do it sloppy.” (60:09)
    • "No is a complete sentence, and a small no is a big yes." (69:10-69:14)

On Growth, Scaling, and Legacy

• Purpose-Led Growth

  • Tracee focuses on growth strategies that align with her vision and the brand’s value to its community—not just financial expansion.
    • “What is the initial value proposition and the mission and vision of the brand? If ours is to exceed the needs of this community, right, how do you continue circling back to that?” (63:04)

• Change in Perspective on Success

  • Her goals have evolved from simply launching the brand to considering new options for scaling and impact.
    • “Part of what’s happened recently is I’m like, okay, so now what are the options?” (67:08)

Personal Philosophy, Aging, and Women’s Empowerment

• The Wisdom of Aging

  • “May you be comfortable in your skin. Find what makes your heart sing. Discover your purpose and be of service.” (77:58 - Tracee Ellis Ross on her legacy)
  • On youth: “I would not go back...It only gets better. The physicality is fascinating...But emotionally and spiritually, it is just delicious up here.” (79:02-79:46)
  • The culture’s obsession with youth is misplaced: “That should not be called leadership. That's embarrassing.” (81:49)

• Advice to Young Women

  • “Hang in there, honey. It’s gonna be okay.” (78:47 - Tracee Ellis Ross to her younger self)

• Celebrating Women's Progress

  • Tracee is inspired by women who “defy systemic prescriptions and expand the real estate of what is possible.” (80:46)
  • She sees “shared leadership” as the future, with collective benefit and culture expansion.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• "I manifest really quickly. So I have to be intentional about what I language and the words that I use." (05:11 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
• “Dream big, but know that you’re the one that’s gonna be doing the work.” (11:23 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
• "People say you grew up in your mom’s shadow. I feel that I grew up in her embrace." (10:01 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
• "Will you please get out of my womb?" (17:36 - Tracee Ellis Ross, on intrusive questions about having children)
• "It’s very hard to know what you like if you don’t know who you are." (25:59 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
• "We can't be responsible for our first thought, but we can definitely be responsible for our second one." (34:34 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
• "If you look at a wine bottle and you don’t know better you would think, why didn’t they fill this up? Because that air is what makes space for the wine to be the wine." (69:10 - Tracee Ellis Ross, on the importance of saying 'no' and creating space)
• "No is a complete sentence, and...a small no is a big yes." (69:10)
• “Hang in there, honey. Oh, hang in there, honey. Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be okay.” (78:47 - Tracee Ellis Ross to her younger self)
• “May you be comfortable in your skin. Find what makes your heart sing. Discover your purpose and be of service.” (77:58 - On her desired legacy)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:28 – Tracee describes her long journey to self-assurance
• 05:11 – On manifesting quickly and being careful with language
• 08:56–10:01 – Her relationship with her mother; growing up in an amazing, unconventional home
• 12:59–13:09 – Learning to create her own financial independence and start a business
• 23:15 – Advice for young women: challenge social “tapes” around marriage and family
• 25:59 – The importance of knowing yourself to build a life you enjoy
• 29:21–32:50 – Embracing imperfection, manifesting desires, and the “May I” approach
• 35:18–36:12 – Journaling as a tool for self-understanding
• 38:21–39:22 – Transforming anxieties into tailored, healing prayers
• 45:58–47:41 – Founding Pattern Beauty as a consumer, not a celebrity
• 51:28–51:59 – Processing "no" and using it as fuel and learning
• 54:17 – Retaining majority ownership and creative control in business
• 60:09 – On slow, steady progress and discipline
• 69:10 – Saying 'no' to protect creativity and energy
• 77:58 – What her life message and legacy would be

Tone & Language

The conversation is warm, candid, and layered with hard-won wisdom, humor, and actionable advice. Emma and Tracee keep the dialogue uplifting and real—open about challenges, systemic issues, and the emotional reality behind public images of confidence and success.

Final Takeaways

• Building a life of purpose and joy starts with deep self-awareness, intentionality, and daily reflection.
• Creating success—personally and professionally—demands honest conversations with oneself, a willingness to learn from failure, and boundaries that protect what matters most.
• The best “playbook” isn’t about chasing formulas; it’s about designing your own, rooted in values, authenticity, and the courage to say “no” so you can say “yes” to what’s truly yours.
• Community and “chosen family,” as well as learning from other women’s wisdom, are central to sustaining fulfillment and resilience.
• Staying teachable, embracing the full emotional spectrum, and caring for yourself are essential for longevity and leadership in any field.

For those looking for a detailed, practical, and perspective-shifting conversation about life design, leadership, and intentional living—this is an episode not to miss.