Transcript

Emma Grede (0:10)

Tracee Ellis Ross is one of my favorite women and one of the most intentional business women I know. She reminds us that the best ideas take time to bake and that success isn't just about what you do, it's about how clearly you speak it into existence. This week on Aspire, Tracey shares how being deliberate with the way she speaks changed her mindset on everything. Family, aging, relationships and business. Over the next hour, Tracy is giving you the playbook to be who you are and get what you want. Introducing the new Eggo protein waffles. The same great Eggo taste people know and love. Now with 20% of your daily protein in every serving, protein never tasted this good. These waffles deliver an excellent source of complete protein with 10 grams per serving and are made with wholesome ingredients fresh from the griddle. Perfect as part of a complete breakfast. Eggo Protein Waffles pair easily with fresh fruit, almond butter, or whatever is already in the kitchen. They offer a delicious way to start the day with irresistible taste families are looking for. When something tastes this good and delivers this much protein, no one can say no. Head to your local grocery store to fuel your morning with Eggo protein waffles and pancakes. Available at retailers nationwide. This podcast is brought to you by Kleenex Lotion Tissues. For whatever happens next, grab Kleenex. Tracey Ellis Ross. That's me that it's you. Thank you so much for being here.

Tracee Ellis Ross (1:49)

I'm so happy to be here.

Emma Grede (1:50)

I'm really lucky to have you here.

Tracee Ellis Ross (1:52)

You are lucky. There were a couple birthday parties we've been at, like, yes, just a handful of times.

Emma Grede (1:57)

And I'm like, wow, she is so unapologetically who she is. She is so full of life. She's designed this life. And it is to me, one of the most unbelievable things about you is this level of self assurance and how self possessed you are as a woman. And I think for so many women, that's a really difficult place to get to in life. So that's where I want to start. And I just wonder, have you always been like that? Has it taken you a while to get there?

Tracee Ellis Ross (2:28)

It's taken me a long time. And it's interesting because as you say that, I'm like, do I feel self assured? I have a real genuine sense of who I am. It took me a long time to get to know myself, to have the courage to be that person and then to live as that person has just come in the last, I would say six to seven years. Oh, really? Yeah. To actually live as that person and I actually look forward to what is to come. And because I feel like I still have a sense of knowing what is right for me, but not always having the courage to do that. You know, sometimes I feel like I should do this. And so I do look forward to the other. But I think I've always been. I've always been this person. I've always had a very big personality. I've always known what I liked. I actually had an experience today that was fascinating. So I still have all of my magazines from the 80s.

Summary

Aspire with Emma Grede:

“Creating Success Word by Word with Tracee Ellis Ross”

Podcast: Aspire with Emma Grede
Host: Emma Grede
Guest: Tracee Ellis Ross
Date: October 28, 2025

Overview

In this insightful and empowering episode, Emma Grede sits down with Tracee Ellis Ross—actress, entrepreneur, and founder of Pattern Beauty—to explore how being intentional with language and self-knowledge can help shape the trajectory of one’s life and career. Tracee shares her journey to self-assurance, the deep influence of her mother (legendary singer Diana Ross), the importance of purposeful manifestation, navigating independence and relationships, building a successful business outside of acting, and the personal philosophies and practical tools she relies on to design a fulfilling, authentic life.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Journey to Self-Assurance and Intentional Living

Self-Assurance is Built, Not Born
- Tracee explains that her self-assurance was hard-won, not inherent.
  - “It took me a long time to get to know myself, to have the courage to be that person and then to live as that person has just come in the last, I would say six to seven years.” (02:28 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
- She discovered, by reflecting on childhood interests (like dog-eared magazine pages), that she "became the woman she always envisioned."
Manifestation and the Power of Language
- Tracee consciously manifests her desires by being intentional with language.
  - “I manifest really quickly. So I have to be intentional about what I language and the words that I use.” (05:11 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
- She uses therapy as a space to clarify and articulate what she wants.
Balancing Intention with Surrender
- Tracee believes in being clear-headed about desires while realizing not everything is in her control:
  - “Even more than that, understand the balance of what is not in my hands and...allowing things that are better than I could have imagined.” (07:09 - Tracee Ellis Ross)

Upbringing, Family, and Modeling Agency

Growing up with Diana Ross
- Tracee had an “abundant, unusual childhood,” with artists like Andy Warhol and Marvin Gaye as regular figures.
- Diana Ross the “Supermom”:
  - Managed to be present as a mother while handling an intense career:
    - “My mom is a mom before she is anything else…she would put us to bed at night, then go record...wake us up in the morning and sit with us for breakfast.” (08:56 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
    - “People say you grew up in your mom’s shadow. I feel that I grew up in her embrace.” (10:01 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
- Tracee learned from her mother to stand on her own, seeing a template where “you could only be one and not the other was not true in my childhood.” (10:02)
Lessons on Work and Agency
- Dreaming big is important, but “know that you’re the one that’s gonna be doing the work.” (11:23 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
- Diana Ross encouraged her kids to use her knowledge as a foundation, not as a limit.

Money, Independence, and Relationships

Financial Advice & Building Her Own Wealth
- Diana’s advice: “Either you’re gonna have to get yourself a really rich husband or a really great job.” (12:59 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
- Tracee chose the latter: “I’ve built a really big, beautiful life. And I’ve had a big job. I keep having big jobs.” (13:09 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
On Being Single and Dating Choices
- Tracee is often presumed to be a "poster child" for singledom but says, “That’s just the facts. I also don’t publicize when I am dating.” (16:14)
- She won’t date “just to have someone”; her choices are intentional:
  - “I’m gonna date a person that’s a match. I’m not gonna date just to date someone.” (17:03 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
- Navigating questions about marriage and children:
  - “Will you please get out of my womb?” (17:36 - Tracee Ellis Ross, on invasive questions about having kids)
- Her solo travel show is an extension of her philosophy of living fully without waiting for “someday.”

Advice for Younger Women

Challenge Conditioning
- “Is that what you want? Or is that some tape in your head from somebody else?” (23:15 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
- She wishes she’d spent more time “dreaming of my life” rather than her wedding (23:37).
How to Reflect and Know Yourself
- Tracee shares practical self-discovery tools:
  - Journaling daily with questions like, “How did I honor myself today? What went well? What didn’t?” (35:18-36:12)
  - Review and highlight the emotional “Whoppers,” then ask what feelings and situations she truly wants to build around.
- “It’s very hard to know what you like if you don’t know who you are.” (25:59 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
- She recommends, “Start small. What did I like about today? What felt good?” (27:04)
- “We can't be responsible for our first thought, but we can definitely be responsible for our second one.” (34:34 - Tracee Ellis Ross)

Embracing Imperfection and Emotional Wholeness

Not Just Positive Thinking
- Tracee rejects superficial positive thinking:
  - “I am not a believer in the ask and it’s given thing of positive thinking. I am a believer in a sense of wholeness for myself.” (29:21)
- Makes “space for being afraid...for pain...for mistakes”—not pushing feelings away but acknowledging and moving through them.
The Practice of "May I"s versus "I am"s
- Instead of affirmations, she asks herself, “May I…?”
  - “May I instead of I am feels like it honors where I am and invites me to where I want to go.” (32:50 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
Handling Challenging Moments
- On carrying on during loss and tough times:
  - "I've had to be my funniest on my worst days." (29:21)
  - She leans on her support system and transparent communication.
Flipping Negatives into Prayers
- Tracee writes out fears or resentments, flips them into positive “prayers” or intentions, and returns to them when needed.
  - Example: “May I remember that I am worthy of belonging and connection.” (38:21-39:22)

Entrepreneurship and Building Pattern Beauty

Origins as a Consumer
- Tracee built Pattern Beauty as a solution for a problem she experienced her whole life: a lack of effective, affirming products for textured hair.
  - “I am a consumer...my entire childhood and life around hair products, there was something missing.” (45:58 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
- It took 10 years to bring the brand to shelves, after numerous setbacks and industry skepticism.
  - “I wrote my first hair care brand pitch when Girlfriends finished...it took 11 years to get on shelves.” (47:29-47:41)
  - “This was 10 years and nobody thought it should be coming from me. This was before celebrity brands existed.” (47:50)
Resilience in the Face of "No"
- Tracee developed a system to process and learn from rejection:
  - “Do you agree? Is the no because you agree? Maybe your idea isn’t good enough. Do you not agree? ...Is it because you didn’t express yourself in a clear way...Every no brought me closer.” (51:28-51:59)
Business Strategy & Leadership
- Majority owner, with business partners providing capital and operations.
  - “I'm majority owner and I have full creative control.” (54:17)
- Tracee’s strengths lie in storytelling, vision, and creativity, while she partners with experts for operations and scaling.
- She follows a slow and steady, disciplined approach, not seeking rapid, risky expansion:
  - “I would prefer to do less and do it right than do more and do it sloppy.” (60:09)
  - "No is a complete sentence, and a small no is a big yes." (69:10-69:14)

On Growth, Scaling, and Legacy

Purpose-Led Growth
- Tracee focuses on growth strategies that align with her vision and the brand’s value to its community—not just financial expansion.
  - “What is the initial value proposition and the mission and vision of the brand? If ours is to exceed the needs of this community, right, how do you continue circling back to that?” (63:04)
Change in Perspective on Success
- Her goals have evolved from simply launching the brand to considering new options for scaling and impact.
  - “Part of what’s happened recently is I’m like, okay, so now what are the options?” (67:08)

Personal Philosophy, Aging, and Women’s Empowerment

The Wisdom of Aging
- “May you be comfortable in your skin. Find what makes your heart sing. Discover your purpose and be of service.” (77:58 - Tracee Ellis Ross on her legacy)
- On youth: “I would not go back...It only gets better. The physicality is fascinating...But emotionally and spiritually, it is just delicious up here.” (79:02-79:46)
- The culture’s obsession with youth is misplaced: “That should not be called leadership. That's embarrassing.” (81:49)
Advice to Young Women
- “Hang in there, honey. It’s gonna be okay.” (78:47 - Tracee Ellis Ross to her younger self)
Celebrating Women's Progress
- Tracee is inspired by women who “defy systemic prescriptions and expand the real estate of what is possible.” (80:46)
- She sees “shared leadership” as the future, with collective benefit and culture expansion.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

"I manifest really quickly. So I have to be intentional about what I language and the words that I use." (05:11 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
“Dream big, but know that you’re the one that’s gonna be doing the work.” (11:23 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
"People say you grew up in your mom’s shadow. I feel that I grew up in her embrace." (10:01 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
"Will you please get out of my womb?" (17:36 - Tracee Ellis Ross, on intrusive questions about having children)
"It’s very hard to know what you like if you don’t know who you are." (25:59 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
"We can't be responsible for our first thought, but we can definitely be responsible for our second one." (34:34 - Tracee Ellis Ross)
"If you look at a wine bottle and you don’t know better you would think, why didn’t they fill this up? Because that air is what makes space for the wine to be the wine." (69:10 - Tracee Ellis Ross, on the importance of saying 'no' and creating space)
"No is a complete sentence, and...a small no is a big yes." (69:10)
“Hang in there, honey. Oh, hang in there, honey. Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be okay.” (78:47 - Tracee Ellis Ross to her younger self)
“May you be comfortable in your skin. Find what makes your heart sing. Discover your purpose and be of service.” (77:58 - On her desired legacy)

Timestamps for Key Segments

02:28 – Tracee describes her long journey to self-assurance
05:11 – On manifesting quickly and being careful with language
08:56–10:01 – Her relationship with her mother; growing up in an amazing, unconventional home
12:59–13:09 – Learning to create her own financial independence and start a business
23:15 – Advice for young women: challenge social “tapes” around marriage and family
25:59 – The importance of knowing yourself to build a life you enjoy
29:21–32:50 – Embracing imperfection, manifesting desires, and the “May I” approach
35:18–36:12 – Journaling as a tool for self-understanding
38:21–39:22 – Transforming anxieties into tailored, healing prayers
45:58–47:41 – Founding Pattern Beauty as a consumer, not a celebrity
51:28–51:59 – Processing "no" and using it as fuel and learning
54:17 – Retaining majority ownership and creative control in business
60:09 – On slow, steady progress and discipline
69:10 – Saying 'no' to protect creativity and energy
77:58 – What her life message and legacy would be

Tone & Language

The conversation is warm, candid, and layered with hard-won wisdom, humor, and actionable advice. Emma and Tracee keep the dialogue uplifting and real—open about challenges, systemic issues, and the emotional reality behind public images of confidence and success.

Final Takeaways

Building a life of purpose and joy starts with deep self-awareness, intentionality, and daily reflection.
Creating success—personally and professionally—demands honest conversations with oneself, a willingness to learn from failure, and boundaries that protect what matters most.
The best “playbook” isn’t about chasing formulas; it’s about designing your own, rooted in values, authenticity, and the courage to say “no” so you can say “yes” to what’s truly yours.
Community and “chosen family,” as well as learning from other women’s wisdom, are central to sustaining fulfillment and resilience.
Staying teachable, embracing the full emotional spectrum, and caring for yourself are essential for longevity and leadership in any field.

For those looking for a detailed, practical, and perspective-shifting conversation about life design, leadership, and intentional living—this is an episode not to miss.