Transcript

Emma Grede (0:09)

So today we're speaking to Tara Moore, who is an expert in women's leadership and wellness. She wrote an incredible book called Playing Big and her work really centers around so many of the themes that I've

Ashley McShan (0:20)

written about in Start With Yourself.

Emma Grede (0:22)

Today she's given us an absolute free

Ashley McShan (0:25)

game masterclass in so many things that you will find familiar that come up in your work and your life all the time. I cannot wait for you guys to

Emma Grede (0:34)

sit and listen to this conversation.

Ashley McShan (0:36)

We talk about fear and guilt and

Emma Grede (0:39)

leadership and all of the things that

Ashley McShan (0:41)

hold us back or happen in our minds and our bodies.

Emma Grede (0:44)

And let me tell you, she is

Ashley McShan (0:45)

about to let you discover your inner mentor. You'll love, love, love this episode and I cannot wait for you to watch it. But don't forget to like and subscribe.

Emma Grede (0:59)

This episode is sponsored by bilt. You know how your housing payment is

Ashley McShan (1:03)

just one of those things you make

Emma Grede (1:04)

every month without really thinking twice about it? It's just part of life. But BILT is built around the idea that if you're paying it anyway, you

Ashley McShan (1:12)

should actually get something back from it.

Emma Grede (1:15)

BILT is the membership for where you live that rewards you with points on every housing payment. It started with rent and now as of 2026 bill bill members can earn points on mortgage payments too. Wherever you live, those points can be redeemed towards flights, Lyft rides, Amazon.com purchases, fitness classes, and more. Personally, I'd put mine towards travel. Just making a monthly expense feel more

Ashley McShan (1:39)

intentional is worth it to me.

Summary

Podcast Summary: "How to Quiet the Voice That’s Holding You Back"

Aspire with Emma Grede – April 21, 2026
Guest: Tara Mohr, author of Playing Big
Host: Emma Grede | Co-host: Ashley McShan

Main Theme

This episode dives deep into overcoming the “inner critic”—the persistent, self-doubting inner voice that holds so many people, and especially women, back from taking bold actions in careers and life. Tara Mohr shares concrete frameworks and practices for recognizing this critic, learning to move forward despite it, and connecting with what she calls your “inner mentor.” The conversation also touches on fear, guilt, ambition, feedback, and the unique challenges women face in leadership.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Does "Playing Small" Really Mean?

“Playing small is a feeling. You could have actually a big career, a big title… But you know, inside, if you feel like you’re playing small relative to what you feel called to do, what you really want to do, who you think you really are.”
— Tara Mohr [04:21]
Many women experience an internal sense of “I’m stuck” or “I don’t know how to change this.”

2. The Inner Critic & Self-Doubt

Definition: The inner critic is that voice saying you’re not ready, not qualified, or that success isn’t for you.
“Brilliant women have brilliant inner critics… At its root, that voice of self-doubt has underneath it fear.”
— Tara Mohr [05:01]
Practical tip: Name and externalize “the critic” for perspective (“That was my inner critic, not me”).

3. Understanding Fear—“Yira”

Fear is a physiological and emotional response to perceived threat, but sometimes it’s about visibility, change, or breaking norms, especially for women.
“There’s a word I really like, from ancient Hebrew, for fear: 'yira'... the feeling you feel when you are inhabiting a larger space than you’re used to, or come into more energy, or are in the presence of the sacred.”
— Tara Mohr [09:47]

4. Navigating Fear vs. Lizard Brain Panic

Not all fear is equal—distinguish between “expansive” fear (growth) and “lizard brain” fear (fight/flight).
“We have to learn to tolerate the discomfort of exhilaration… but for lizard brain fear, you need to shift yourself out of that state so you can perform at your highest.”
— Tara Mohr [10:40]

5. Confidence: Myths & Reality

Research shows confidence doesn’t always appear with experience or achievement—most women must learn to act in its absence.
“Let’s assume we’re going to be in the 90% that’s going to continue to grapple with a lot of self-doubt… What we want to do is when we’re hearing that voice, use a tool or a practice.”
— Tara Mohr [12:28]

6. Tools to Quiet the Inner Critic

Label the critic as a distinct voice.
Build a character for the critic to minimize its authority (e.g. “the mean boss from Devil Wears Prada”).
Identify and contrast the values of your inner critic vs. your authentic self.
“It’s not about thinking better of yourself. It’s about thinking bigger than yourself. Your values are what will carry you over self-doubt.”
— Tara Mohr [16:12]

7. Distinguishing Instinct from the Inner Critic

The tone: The critic is repetitive, declarative, and negative, whereas realistic thinking is solution-oriented and inquisitive.
[17:47]

8. The Trap of Waiting to be Ready

School and culture teach us to wait for “readiness”—but in reality, you’re rarely ready for life’s next step.
“You don’t actually graduate and then feel ready. We’ve just internalized that message for 20 years.”
— Tara Mohr [24:24]

9. Fear, Guilt, and Female Ambition

Women are often criticized for being “too ambitious” or “too quiet”—a double bind.
Feedback for women is far more personality-driven; “When women got negative feedback, 70% of the time it involved criticism of their personality. For men, that number was 2%.”
— Tara Mohr [32:11]
“You can’t be a people-pleaser and a leader. Inevitably, you’re going to piss some people off and that’s okay.”
— Ashley McShan [38:51]

10. Unhooking from Praise & Criticism

Recognizing the flawed feedback system allows women to free themselves of people-pleasing and focus on competence and authentic connection.
“Amp up both [competence and warmth]. You can be highly competent and well-liked—but you don’t need to overplay likability or diminish what you really do.”
— Tara Mohr [38:25]

11. The Power of the “Inner Mentor”

Visualize and connect with your “inner mentor”—the mature, wise, future version of yourself—as a source of guidance and resilience.
“You’re not creating her. You get to discover her; she’s real… This is your oak tree self, the North Star you’re growing into.”
— Tara Mohr [52:05]
“You can consult her on anything—how she’d write this email, spend her time, make big life decisions.”
[55:29]

12. Callings, Purpose, and Taking Action

“A calling is the inner assignment we get to bring goodness or light into the world in some way... The question is not ‘What’s my calling?’ It’s ‘What’s calling me right now?’”
— Tara Mohr [58:34]
Don’t wait for perfect circumstances—find a “scrappy, immediate, but true-to-the-essence” way to act on your calling right now.
“Once you’re in it, when you’re doing it, when you can keep refining and keep going—you don’t get just one big thing. It’s about your calling right now.”
— Ashley McShan [63:23]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

“Brilliant women have brilliant inner critics.” — Tara Mohr [05:01]
“Confidence is not coming… let’s assume we’re going to be in the 90% that’s going to continue to grapple with a lot of self-doubt.” — Tara Mohr [12:28]
“The solution is actually not thinking about yourself… It’s about thinking bigger than yourself.” — Tara Mohr [16:12]
“Picture yourself as a racked-with-self-doubt rockstar.” — Tara Mohr [22:59]
On creating your “inner mentor”: “She’s like Diane von Furstenberg and Maya Angelou and Martha Stewart and Oprah… but she’s me.” — Ashley McShan [54:16]
“You just gave me a gift.” — Ashley McShan on discovering her inner mentor [56:07]
“Women will hand each other my book… I don’t know enough about marketing to make that happen.” — Tara Mohr [43:30]

Important Timestamps

[04:21] — What does “playing small” mean?
[05:01] — How the inner critic sounds and why it emerges
[09:47] — “Yira”: an ancient concept of fear as a sign of growth
[12:28] — Confidence doesn’t always come with achievement
[16:12] — Confidence through connecting to something bigger
[24:24] — Why waiting to feel “ready” keeps us stuck
[32:11] — Feedback is more personality-focused for women
[38:25] — “Amp up both” competence and warmth
[52:05] — The “inner mentor” exercise
[55:29] — Making decisions with guidance from your future, wiser self
[58:34] — The nature of callings and how to act on them now

Actionable Takeaways

Label and externalize your inner critic: Name it, give it a character, and see it for what it is—not your essential self.
Replace self-critique with purpose: Instead of focusing on self-esteem, focus on serving your values and calling.
Connect with your inner mentor: Regularly imagine and consult your wiser future self for guidance.
Start before you’re ready: Don’t wait for perfection—take “imperfect, scrappy, immediate” action toward what calls you.
Unhook from external praise and criticism: Recognize biases in feedback and focus on your own authentic vision.
Journal and write it down: Putting fears, patterns, and ambitions on paper leads to greater clarity and honesty.

Episode Tone & Language

Supportive, reflective, and candid, blending warmth, humor, and practical wisdom. The conversation is honest about the realities women face but optimistic about the tools and mindset shifts that lead to growth.

For listeners seeking to “quiet the voice that’s holding you back,” this episode offers both the mindset shift and practical exercises to make real, sustainable change.