Podcast Summary: Australian True Crime

Episode: My Daughter the Youth Offender

Date: February 1, 2026
Host: Meshel Laurie (Bravecasting)
Guest: Anonymous foster mother

Overview

This deeply personal episode explores the realities of fostering, trauma, and Australia's youth justice system through the story of a foster mother and her now-adult daughter—a young woman who has been both a victim and perpetrator of crime. The guest candidly navigates the complexity of raising a traumatized child, the flaws of child welfare policies, and the challenges presented by youth offending, ultimately questioning the effectiveness of current systemic responses.

Key Topics & Insights

1. Australian Foster Care Challenges

• Adoption vs. Fostering:
  • Adoption is near-impossible; foster system relies on long-term placements.
  • Policies and agency focus (restoration to biological family vs. foster-to-adopt) shift with management changes.
  • “Sometimes it is in the best interest of the child to restore them to their birth family. Sometimes it's not.” (Foster Mother, 01:16)
• Emotional Complexities:
  • Difficulty bonding due to potential for removal.
  • Foster parents expected to love deeply but also “not too much.”
• Definition of Roles:
  • Relationship maintained with birth family by the foster mother.
  • Foster mother describes bond as parental: “I was also her mum and also her mum.” (Foster Mother, 04:24)

2. Early Trauma and Its Lasting Impact

• Background:
  • Daughter entered care at age 5, after multiple placements and years as carer for younger siblings.
  • Early trauma resulted in “feral” behavior and inability to play or trust.
• Bonding and Rejection:
  • Daughter attempted to reject foster mother first (“so she could reject me before I rejected her”). (Foster Mother, 06:37)
  • Expressed via notes and name-calling, reflecting pain and lack of control.
• Trust and Responsibility:
  • “How could this child sleep in this house with someone she doesn't know? …That trust that was put into me at that moment was huge...” (Foster Mother, 08:00)

3. Adolescence and Onset of Criminal Behavior

• Deteriorating Stability:
  • Contact with birth father (after 10 years) led to disappointment and downward spiral.
  • Initial offenses (truancy, theft, vaping, alcohol at school) perceived as typical but marked start of high-risk behavior.
    • “Everything you've just listed sounds like very pretty normal behaviour...but it doesn't seem like crisis stuff yet.” (Host, 10:43)
• Victimization:
  • Daughter violently assaulted and humiliated by peer group; perpetrators received minimal consequences.
    • “They bashed her for an hour...made her kiss their shoes...stole her AirPods and her phone and her skateboard.” (Foster Mother, 11:55)

4. Escalation: Repeated Runaways and Offending

• Frequent Disappearance:
  • Called missing multiple times; procedure required reports to police.
  • Hostility and inconsistent responses from police (“swearing...trying to be cool,” 15:15).
  • “How do I do that? I'm not allowed to physically restrain her...not even allowed to take her mobile phone off her because that is restrictive practice.” (Foster Mother, 15:22)
• Criminal Activity:
  • Involvement in credit card fraud with "street urchin" group, led by exploitative adult.
  • Reoffending facilitated by lack of consequences for minors: “They got a slap on the wrist because they were 15 years old. So again, absolutely zero consequences.” (Foster Mother, 16:12)
• Breakdown With Agency:
  • Foster agency revoked carer status due to lack of contact, offered no help, and obstructed communication.
  • Emotional burden: “I was still her mum. It's been a long, a long road.” (Foster Mother, 49:41)

5. Systemic Failures & Parenting Stigma

• No “One Size Fits All”:
  • Flaws in blanket government policies highlighted; differing state approaches—either too lenient or punitive.
    • “It seems like one size fits no one actually when you try and create blanket policy, doesn't it?” (Host, 35:31)
• Punishing Parents:
  • Public sentiment: parents should pay for youth crimes.
  • Foster mother’s plea: “For me, that's just punishing me more and not punishing her at all.” (Foster Mother, 25:21)
• Lack of Real Support:
  • Foster agencies offered counseling for mother, but practically “did nothing” for the child.
    • “I was desperate. I would have done anything.” (Foster Mother, 26:58)

6. The Nature of Trauma and Rehabilitation

• Deep-Seated Issues:
  • Repeated trauma, absent resilience—“the wonky slab” metaphor for damaged foundations.
    • “Her foundation is shaky, so the slightest thing, she'd crack.” (Foster Mother, 30:06)
  • No easy behavioral fix: “How do you punish someone who genuinely...is not making that connection?” (Host, 37:30)
• Small Steps Toward Progress:
  • Daughter cycles through crises, eventually returns home, longer periods of stability follow illness and care.
  • Limited memory of hurtful or criminal acts—detachment from consequences.
    • “She has no memory of that either...she can't remember. And that was five years ago.” (Foster Mother, 39:52)
• Community & Family Role:
  • Conversation about minimising temptation (removing cash, being honest with other parents).
  • Support network critical, as is honest dialogue—“I'd want to know...so I can try to help be part of the support network.” (Foster Mother, 40:53)

7. Hope, Limits & Reflections

• Ongoing Risk:
  • Daughter maintains difficult relationship with crime (sticky fingers, risky peer groups).
  • No involvement in violent crime; mostly property offenses.
• Building Resilience:
  • Small signs of growth: learning to resolve roommate conflict, growing independence.
    • “I was really proud that she'd actually resolved rather than run from a conflict.” (Foster Mother, 47:49)
• Long-term Parenting:
  • Intractable love and commitment: “I made that promise that day...[that] I was going to love for the rest of my life.” (Foster Mother, 49:41)
  • Realistic ambition: “I just want her to be a good person, just be happy, just contributing in some worthwhile way to the community she's living in.” (Foster Mother, 51:20)
• Advice to Prospective Foster Carers:
  • Be prepared for trauma; choose agencies carefully.
  • “You don't get into foster care without trauma. Even the fact of removing the child from their birth family, that's traumatic in itself.” (Foster Mother, 50:21)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Systemic Fails:
  • “They've got jails and foster care under the same roof...it's just ready for an easy transition from one to the other.” (Foster Mother, 36:29)
• On Parental Accountability:
  • “If the parents aren't implicit in whatever the crime is...I don't agree that the parents should be held liable.” (Foster Mother, 25:58)
• On the Challenges of Trauma:
  • “Anyone can have trauma or anyone can have these self esteem issues and I just think we need to find...a better way.” (Foster Mother, 34:48)
• On Resilience and Foundations:
  • “Her foundation is shaky, so the slightest thing, she'd crack...No resilience.” (Foster Mother, 30:06)
• On Parental Love in Foster Care:
  • “I made that promise...I was going to love for the rest of my life. And I can't just turn that off.” (Foster Mother, 49:41)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:37–04:12: Guest’s journey into fostering and system challenges
• 06:37–09:13: Early trauma, rejection, and forming a bond
• 09:42–13:15: Onset of criminal behaviour and victimisation
• 14:09–19:12: Escalation to runaways and credit card fraud
• 23:46–28:21: Systemic responses, police and agency involvement, and the ineffectiveness of current interventions
• 30:06–32:35: The impact of trauma, lack of resilience, and the challenge of rehabilitation
• 35:31–37:21: Government policy problems and “one size fits no one”
• 39:52–41:19: Memory gaps and community support for families affected by youth crime
• 47:49–52:52: Daughter’s present, hope for the future, and the realities of fostering

Conclusion

Through raw, firsthand experience, this episode exposes the harsh realities faced by children “in care,” the frustrations felt by those who try to help, and the frequent inadequacies of systemic solutions. Both guest and host call for nuanced, individualized approaches—acknowledging that “one size fits no one”—and urge compassion as families and policymakers grapple with the aftermath of trauma and youth offending in Australia.