Shortcut: From Prison to Preventing Violence Against Women

Summary

Australian True Crime – Shortcut: From Prison to Preventing Violence Against Women
Date: July 8, 2026
Host: Meshel Laurie
Guest: Pete Bates (Founder, The Pete Bates Project)

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Episode Overview

In this powerful and emotional episode, host Meshel Laurie interviews Pete Bates, a former prisoner who has channeled his traumatic experiences and journey through the criminal justice system into a force for good. Pete now leads initiatives to educate others about coercive control and post-separation abuse, with a mission to prevent violence against women and children. The conversation candidly explores Pete’s violent upbringing, his time in prison, the deep roots of abuse in Australian suburbs, and the urgent need for men to take responsibility and speak out against domestic violence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Growing Up in Violence

• Pete’s Childhood

  • Pete recounts a harrowing upbringing in a household dominated by domestic violence.
  • He discusses his father’s repeated physical abuse of his mother and systemic control that left her isolated and powerless.
  • Quote:

    “I used to watch my father knock my mother out against the fridge and hold her up with uppercuts when she was unconscious.” – Pete Bates [02:09]

• Why Women Don’t “Just Leave”

  • Pete addresses the common question directed at survivors: why don’t they leave?
  • He shares a terrifying personal incident where his father threatened to set the house—and Pete himself—on fire, demonstrating the mortal risk women and children face when attempting to escape.
  • Quote:

    “He had a 20 liter jerry can full of petrol and... poured petrol over me. And he said to her, are you still going to leave, slut? And then he pulled his lighter out and she had to submit. She submitted to save my life.” – Pete Bates [02:53]

2. Systemic Abuse and Isolation

• Pete describes the systematic control and isolation his mother experienced: forbidden from wearing makeup, having friends, working, or even using the telephone freely.
• Abusers would monitor everything—including checking car odometers and listening to phone calls—to control their victims.
• Quote:

  “It’s systematic. It’s part of the thing that these men do. Where they isolate the woman.” – Pete Bates [03:57]

3. Trauma, Substance Abuse, and Crime

• Unable to cope, Pete ran away at 13. He fell into heroin addiction and street life.
• Violence became his default emotional response.
• Quote:

  “Violence was something that I was doing because I was feeling so much pain inside myself.” – Pete Bates [04:03]

4. Offending, Prison, and Transformation

• Crime and Sentence
  • Pete was involved in a fatal confrontation in 1999, leading to his imprisonment for manslaughter.
  • Initially illiterate, Pete used his time in solitary confinement to teach himself to read, starting with an encyclopedia about the cosmos.
• Prison Experience
  • After quitting drugs, he mentored younger inmates and participated in rehabilitation programs focused on addiction recovery.
  • He met his current wife while she worked with inmates.
  • Quote:

    “I started devouring books... just starting to work on myself. I quit using drugs in 2007 in prison... I had a bit of respect in prison by this stage. I've been in there a long time, pretty well known. They asked me if I'd help mentor some of the younger blokes that were trying to get off the gear.” – Pete Bates [06:37]

5. Responsibility, Accountability, and Legacy

• Pete is candid about the impact of his crime on his victim’s family, his own family, and himself.
• While acknowledging the influence of his upbringing, he stresses personal responsibility and choice in violent behavior.
• Quote:

  “Our past explains us, it doesn’t excuse us... If your family’s got to tiptoe around you, then that’s a choice... I wanted to be a loving, caring, soft, gentle man for my family.” – Pete Bates [10:06]

6. Violence Against Women: A Men’s Issue

• Pete and Meshel agree that domestic violence should not be labeled a "women's issue" but one concerning everyone, especially men.
• Australia’s Statistics
  • Meshel and Pete highlight the alarming frequency of women being killed in Australia—statistically, every eight days, with numbers increasing.
  • Quote:

    “A woman is killed in this country every, every eight days... That should be concerning.” – Pete Bates [11:40]

• Pete calls on men to “stand out front,” speak up, and intervene against abusive behavior.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I remember being that little kid hoping that a man like me would come through that door and grab me and get me out of that house.” – Pete Bates [01:48]
• “We’ve all got mothers, daughters, sisters... Every single man, boy and child should be concerned about domestic violence. It should not be okay.” – Pete Bates [11:16]
• “I want my legacy to be not a warning to my grandchildren. Like, instead of like my—my father, his legacy is going to be a warning, you know. But I want my children to talk about me in a good way to my grandchildren.” – Pete Bates [10:49]
• “It shouldn’t be a women’s issue.” – Meshel Laurie [11:38]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:11] Pete reflects on men’s silence at barbecues – bystander effect
• [02:09] Pete’s account of his mother’s abuse and a life-threatening incident
• [03:57] Description of systematic isolation in abusive relationships
• [04:03] Pete’s running away, addiction, and path to violence
• [05:21] Pete recounts his offense and prison sentence
• [06:37] Personal transformation, mentorship, and meeting his wife in prison
• [09:54] Acknowledgment of the victim and responsibility for violence
• [11:40] Domestic violence statistics in Australia and the need for male action

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Conclusion

Pete Bates’ story is a rare testament to the possibility of transformation after severe trauma and criminality. Through his honesty and advocacy, Pete challenges Australian men (and all listeners) to recognize domestic violence as a collective issue requiring action, courage, and responsibility. His message is clear: the cycle can be broken, but only if men step forward and refuse to stay silent.

To learn more about Pete’s ongoing work, visit The Pete Bates Project.

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If you need support after this episode, contact Lifeline (13 11 14), 1800 Respect (1800 737 732), or 13 Yarn (13 92 76) for Indigenous Australians.

Transcript

[A]

This is Australian True Crime with Michelle Laurie. Unfortunately, we don't hear a lot of stories about long term prisoners transitioning successfully back into society, but we have one for you today. Pete Bates runs the Pete Bates Project, a fast growing platform dedicated to exposing coercive control, post separation abuse and the behavioural patterns that put women and children at risk. He joins us to talk about his mission. This is Australian True Crime. We acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is created, the Wurundjeri Woi Wurrung, People of the Kulin Nation and a warning. This episode of the podcast contains graphic descriptions of violence.

[B]

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[C]

I remember going to pubs with men and they say, if I ever saw a bloke do this to his woman, I'd do this and I'd do that. And then being at barbecues where a bloke has said something to his missus or put his misses down or disrespected her, and all the men at the barbecue look at their shoes when that gets said, you know. Yeah, so just with my. My past and where I've been, I feel like I'm in a position where I could stand out front and say something. And I remember being that little kid hoping that a man like me would come through that door and grab me and get me out of that house, you know, so in a way I sort of feel that I'm speaking for those kids now, you know, that. That are looking out the door and hope someone comes along and saves them, you know, can you.

[A]

I mean, you talk about it a bit on your socials. Do you want to talk about some of the things that happened when you were a kid, the sort of environment that you grew up in?

[C]

Talk about anything, mate. I talk a lot about how women are. Everyone goes, why don't you just leave him? Why don't you just leave him now? I used to watch my father knock my mother out against the fridge and hold her up with uppercuts when she was unconscious.

[A]

So.

[C]

And then the police would come. And by the time the police got there, us kids were given scripts to say the place she was given scripts to say to the police, you know, busted lips, whatever. And then the police here end up joking and laughing with the police and, you know, she's just being silly. She's drunk again now. The one time that she did get the courage up to leave him and was the scariest moment of all because he went quiet and he disappeared. She was in the room packing her bags. She had the suitcases on the bed. And then he disappeared for. For a few minutes. And he's come back upstairs and I was sitting in the hallway. And then as he's come back through the door, he had 20 liter jerry can full of petrol and he just started dousing all the furniture, walked up the hallway where I was sitting, poured petrol over me. And he said to her, are you still going to leave, slut? And then he pulled his lighter out and she had to submit. She submitted to save my life. That, like, he probably would have went ahead and let us up, you know.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Now, so many women are in that position where that's why they don't leave, because they're. The consequences are so much worse.

[A]

And also a lot of cases, they don't have any money of their own. They don't have anywhere to go. They're unaware of services and what's available to them because they haven't been allowed to use the phone whenever they want to, haven't had the privacy to talk to a doctor about it or, you know, all of those practical issues. Where do you go?

[C]

It's. It's systematic. It's part of the thing that. That these men do. Where they isolate the woman.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No friends, no family. My mother wasn't allowed to wear makeup. She had no friends, she wasn't allowed to work. Um, if for some reason someone called her, this is back in the old days, he'd go and he'd go and pick up the other phone in the house and listen to what was going on. He used to check the odometer on the car to see, like, if she had to go down the Coles to get some shopping. He'd check, and why is there an extra half a kilometer on there or something like that? At that stage, I was, as a young fellow, because I ran away from home at 13, after the petrol incident and a million other incidents with. With the old man. I just went, I'm out of here and I run away. At 13, I started using heroin. So I was addicted. I was living on the streets. And violence was. Violence was something that I was doing because I was feeling so. Because I was feeling so much pain inside myself. As a child from. I didn't realize this until I got older and I got counseling and I worked on myself, but I wanted to hurt other people and I wanted to inflict pain on other people because of the pain I was feeling inside me.

[A]

What offending did you participate in?

[C]

Well, what I went to prison for. Yeah, so. In 1999 I was charged for a murder. It was a. A girl, the mother of my child. We had broken up and she had a couple of young girls over babysitting. This particular day while she was at work, she was walking the babysitters home once she'd finished work and a car load of blokes had driven past and yelled out abuse out the window. She had yelled back, responded, this car's done a U turn. Jumped out of the car, she's had words with them. One of the blokes slapped her up the side of the head. And it just so happened that the two girls that she was walking home, recognized the car, knew where they lived. She called me, told me what had happened. I was young, wild, stupid. I went to the house, jumped the fence, went inside the house and went silly. And one of the boys, one of the men in the house, fell over and bashed his head on the tiles and it killed him instantly. I ended up, was charged for murder. I had two trials on that murder. I ended up pleading guilty to manslaughter. I got life for manslaughter. The judge said I should have been tried as a murderer, therefore he was going to sentence me as a murderer. Then in 2002, I went to the Australian High Court appeals and they overturned it and gave me 18 years for manslaughter. And at that stage it was the largest sentence in Queensland history for manslaughter. So, yeah, mate, I ended up doing. Serving 14 and a half years, I went to prison. I couldn't read, I couldn't write. No, really, no, I couldn't. I couldn't read or write. I'd left school. I got kicked out of school first week of grade 8, did a lot of solitary while I was locked up. This one particular stint in solitary, I think I was down there for nearly three months. And an old guard that I'd known for a while, he gave me a encyclopedia and it was about the cosmos, the stars and all that. I couldn't read, but I was just, I was looking at the pictures and trying to sound words out. Ended up taking that book back with me. I got a dictionary, they started the reading. I just started devouring books. Then I started Doing self help, self help books and just, just starting to work on myself. I quit using drugs in 2007 in prison because it was rampant and just buckled down and just started focusing on myself, watching the men around me come in and out. There were men that done the same sentence as I did in six months, installments. They'd do six months, get out for two weeks, come back in, they'd be missing a tooth, some of their hair would fall out and just get back out again. Just same cycle, same cycle. And I just, I didn't want that. I just wanted to be different to what everyone else was doing. And fortunately for me, I, I started to get into helping because I stopped using drugs. I had a bit of respect in prison by this stage. I've been in there a long time, pretty well known. They asked me if I'd help mentor some of the younger blokes that were trying to get off the gear. They set up a unit in the prison, isolated from all the other units so no one could get down there. And blokes would come in there detoxing and they'd have counselors come down, would do meetings, NA meetings, AA meetings. And then one day this beautiful blonde lady walked into the, into the fishbowl and I'm still married to her now, so.

[B]

Gosh.

[A]

Are you still active in prisons with this kind of program?

[C]

No, not at the moment.

[A]

We must talk about the victim in your offence because it would be rude not to, frankly, and be rude to his family. So I mean that. I can't imagine how terrifying that was for them. And I'm not, obviously what they did was shit house, but then to have you crash into their house a couple hours later must have been a terrifying melee for everybody. Do you remember much of it?

[C]

Yeah, I do, I do. There were five guys in that house. I went into that house on my own. It was a horrible, it was a horrible night. It was a horrible thing. It cost a life, it cost his family and it cost my family. Violence was all I knew as a kid. It was. The first emotion I went to, was anger and violence. But in saying that, when I always swore I'd never, I'd never hurt a woman or I'd never hurt a partner and my wife has never had to fear me or my daughter. To me, like a lot of, a lot of men fall back on their past and my, you know, my father did it or this happened to me and poor me. You know, our past explains us, it doesn't excuse us. It's a choice. You It's a choice. What you do is a choice. So you know it's wrong. If, if your family, if the atmosphere changes in your house because of your mood and your family's got a tiptoe around you, then that's a choice. You know what you're doing. I, I just wanted to, I wanted to be a loving, caring, soft, gentle man for my family. And I wanted my legacy to be not a warning to my grandchildren. Like, instead of like my, my father. His legacy is going to be a warning, you know, But I want my, my children to talk about me in a good way to my grandchildren. Every single man, boy and child should be concerned about domestic violence. It should not be okay.

[A]

It shouldn't be a women's issue.

[C]

It shouldn't be a woman's issue. Like, we've all got mothers, daughters, sisters. Like, a woman is killed in this country every, every eight days. And this year is pretty bad at the moment. Like, the numbers are pretty high this year. That should be concerning, you know well

[A]

and cause children are killed as well.

[C]

And children.

[A]

And children are devastated like you were little boys, male children. It's not a women's issue. It's an issue for all of us. And I agree with you. I think there's definitely a place and a great place in our society for masculine men.

[C]

Definitely, definitely. And that's sort of why I try and stand out front now and say we need to speak up as men. We need to speak up and say it's not okay.

[A]

Thank you to our guest today, Pete Bates. And you can find out more about what Pete's up to at his website, the Pete Bates Project, and also on his socials. Thank you for joining us on Australian True Crime. We'll be back next week. If you need support after listening to this podcast, you can call Lifeline on 131114 or contact 1-800-Respect on 1-800-737-732 or 1-800-Respect. Org AU. Indigenous Australians can contact 13 Yarn on 139276 or 13yarn.org AU.