Autism Parenting Secrets: "Choose PEACE" (December 25, 2025)
Podcast: Autism Parenting Secrets
Host: Len Arcuri (with intro from Cass Arcuri)
Theme: Exploring how parents of autistic children can reclaim and choose inner peace, even amidst daily challenges.
Episode Overview
In this deeply reflective solo episode, Len Arcuri focuses on the concept of inner peace for parents raising children with autism, especially during high-pressure times like the holidays. He shares personal stories, practical analogies, and actionable strategies, inviting listeners to redefine peace—not as an elusive state dictated by circumstances, but as a conscious choice that parents can cultivate, practice, and return to, regardless of external chaos.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Redefining Peace as a Parent
- Peace isn’t constant calm or emotional suppression.
- “Peace isn’t about staying calm all the time, and it’s not about suppressing your reactions. It’s about responding appropriately to what’s happening and then returning to stillness, returning to a regulated, calm state of inner peace.” (Len, 00:00)
- Parental struggles often arise not from lack of caring, but from not finding a way “back to center” after challenges.
2. The Parent’s Internal Journey
- Raising a child with autism intensifies both the beauty and the struggle, especially during emotionally charged seasons like the holidays.
- “This time of year tends to bring everything to the surface at once. There’s beauty, there’s connection, but there’s also chaos, pressure, grief, comparisons, and exhaustion, just to name a few.” (Len, 00:54)
- The contrast between outward appearances and internal struggles is real and valid.
3. Peace Is Generated, Not Bestowed
- Peace isn’t given or taken away by children, partners, or circumstances. It’s self-generated.
- “Peace is not something that your child gives you. It’s not something your spouse can give you, and it’s definitely not something that circumstances will allow or deny for you. Peace is something that you generate.” (Len, 02:09)
- Len shares his own growth realizing that his emotional reactions were choices—even if unconscious—not the inevitable result of his child’s behavior.
4. The Viktor Frankl “Space”
- Len references Viktor Frankl to emphasize the power parents have to choose their response:
- “Between stimulus and response, there is a space, and in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” (paraphrasing Frankl, 03:28)
- Peace is a conscious response, not an automatic reaction.
5. The Still Pond Analogy
- Parents can model how to be “like water,” responding and then returning to calm.
- “Imagine your mind is like a still pond... When something happens... it’s like a rock gets thrown into the water and the water moves, ripples spread... But here’s the thing, the water always responds appropriately. It never overreacts and it never underreacts either. So the goal is to be like water, to respond appropriately and then return to stillness.” (Len, 05:29)
- The aim isn’t to prevent disruptions, but to practice returning to center.
6. Wants vs. Expectations
- Encourages dreaming big for your child, but not letting those wants harden into rigid expectations.
- “An expectation says, this has to happen or I’m going to fall apart. And that’s why wants are flexible, expectations are rigid. And peace lives in wants, not expectations.” (Len, 07:30)
- Acceptance is key—accepting your child, yourself, and your unique journey—in order to end the “internal war with reality.”
7. Micro-Moments of Peace
- Peace isn’t about perfection or constant zen. It’s built in small, intentional moments—even a pause, a breath.
- “Peace is trained and practiced, and it’s built in micro moments.” (Len, 10:08)
- Even in the toughest times, parents can “steal moments of peace throughout the day.”
8. Peace Is Strength, Not Passivity
- Choosing peace does not mean giving up, being passive, or weak.
- “Peace is strength of character, it’s strength of presence, and it’s strength that’s rooted in acceptance.” (Len, 10:35)
- Peace enables parents to double down on love and act from clarity, not from fear or anxiety.
9. Invitation & Empowerment
- Len’s core message: “The goal is peace. And peace is something you can choose again and again... Choose peace.” (11:10)
- Parents aren’t meant to be perfect or to “fix” everything—they just need steady presence for their child.
Notable Quotes & Moments
- “Most parents don’t struggle because they care too little. They struggle because they never get back to center.” (Len, 00:23)
- “Saying that someone made me angry, upset or frustrated was absolute nonsense. They don’t have that kind of power.” (Len, 02:49)
- “Acceptance ends the internal war with reality.” (Len, 08:48)
- “Peace doesn’t mean you suddenly feel calm all day. Peace may only be available for small moments… And that counts.” (Len, 09:20)
- Memorable analogy: The “still pond” and “rocks” as incoming events or challenges, and the parent’s ability to return to calm.
Key Timestamps
- 00:00 – Redefining peace: not constant calm, but returning to center
- 00:54 – Holiday pressures; the contrast of outside vs inside for special-needs parents
- 02:09 – Peace is self-generated, not granted by others
- 03:28 – Viktor Frankl’s “space” and the freedom to choose a response
- 05:29 – The “still pond” analogy: respond appropriately, then return to stillness
- 07:30 – Wants vs expectations; the importance of acceptance
- 09:20 – Micro-moments of peace; building a practice in daily life
- 10:35 – Peace as strength; choosing love and clarity
- 11:10 – The empowering invitation: “Choose peace.”
Tone & Language
Calm, encouraging, and deeply empathetic, Len speaks directly from experience, offering not just strategies but comfort and solidarity.
He avoids being “preachy” and instead offers an open invitation for parents to explore the possibility of making peace their ongoing goal—even (and especially) when circumstances are at their hardest.
Summary:
This episode is a heartfelt guide for parents seeking to rise above the exhaustion and turbulence of parenting a child with autism. Len reframes peace as a choice and a skill—one that requires acceptance, self-regulation, and the courage to find micro-moments of calm amid the chaos. The actionable message? Peace is always available. Parents can claim it, practice it, and anchor themselves and their families in its strength, one moment at a time.