Autism Parenting Secrets: "Self-Care Is PRIMARY Care"

Hosts: Len Arcuri & Cass Arcuri
Guest: Dr. Larry Rosen, Integrated Pediatrician
Date: January 15, 2026

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and insightful episode, Len Arcuri sits down with Dr. Larry Rosen—an integrative pediatrician, author, and founder of the Whole Child Center—to unpack a vital yet often neglected truth for parents of children with autism: self-care is not optional; it’s the foundation of effective parenting and your child’s growth. Together, they explore the stigmas, emotional roadblocks, and practicalities around making your own well-being a genuine priority, and why this is essential for your family’s journey.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Realities of Parenting a Child with Special Needs

• Self-neglect is a common pitfall:
  Dr. Rosen describes how parents—especially of children with autism—often lose themselves while focusing solely on their child’s needs, leading to stress and burnout.

  "When we become parents, we don’t stop being human. We have all the same needs." – Dr. Larry Rosen (03:33)

• The guilt and 'selfishness' myth:
  Many parents feel guilty for taking time for themselves, believing self-care is selfish or a luxury.

  “That’s Selfish—self care is selfish, right? I mean, that’s a hidden, or maybe not even such hidden messaging.” – Dr. Larry Rosen (13:26)

The Oxygen Mask Metaphor—and Why It Matters

• Dr. Rosen draws the analogy to putting on your own oxygen mask first, emphasizing that parental well-being directly impacts the whole family.
• Even understanding the metaphor doesn’t mean parents follow it, often due to ingrained beliefs and societal pressure. (05:01–06:00)

Personal Stories of Burnout & Turning Points

• Dr. Rosen shares his own experience of burnout while starting his practice and raising his children—even with his background as a pediatrician and married to a psychologist.

  “All the things I knew to take care of myself...went out the window. ...I felt like an awful parent. I felt like a fraud.” – Dr. Rosen (07:14)

• His turning point came through embracing mindfulness, yoga, and meditation.

Mindset: Granting Yourself Permission

• Importance of giving yourself grace and “permission” to practice self-care, despite not having models for this growing up.

  “We can support each other as parents and in the community… having something really tangible and practical… that I could offer to families in our practice, so having structures and models to do that.” – Dr. Larry Rosen (15:59)

• Mindset shifts: Unpacking the “stories” parents tell themselves that hold them back, such as believing it's virtuous to be 110% focused on the child at all times.

  “There may be stories we’re telling ourselves that we are certain are true, but that just aren’t and don’t help… they actually are the source of a lot of the friction.” – Len Arcuri (15:04)

Cultivating Healthy Habits – Practical Approaches

• Start small and specific:
  Both Dr. Rosen and Len advocate for starting with just five minutes a day focused on a well-being routine, like meditation or a mindful morning, and letting go of an unhealthy habit.

  “Take five minutes today and think about for the next month, is there one thing that you want to add to your routine… and is there one thing you want to let go of that doesn’t serve you anymore?” – Dr. Larry Rosen (32:21)

• Review progress with compassion:
  At the end of a month, reflect non-judgmentally on the changes you made and celebrate wins, however small. (34:42)

Integration: Community & Support Structures

• The critical role of community:
  Dr. Rosen stresses that isolation, while tempting, is detrimental for both health and progress. Parents often undervalue the power of community until looking back in hindsight.

  "Isolation is never the answer, particularly from a health standpoint. We were designed to be in community." – Len Arcuri (19:48)

• Peer and professional support:
  Parents get much of their information and reassurance from other parents, which can be both valuable and something to approach mindfully.
• Whole Health Model:
  Dr. Rosen describes this holistic, integrative method as one that addresses nutrition, stress, community, spiritual meaning, and connection—now adopted in large healthcare systems such as the VA.

What Makes an Integrated Practice Different

• Dr. Rosen distinguishes integrative/holistic pediatric care from conventional or purely consultative/functional medicine:
  • Primary care “medical home” with deep, lasting relationships
  • Longer, more personalized appointments (“time is in our toolbox too”) (30:07)
  • Ecological sustainability and a focus on environmental health
  • Coordination with a broad range of therapies (OT, PT, speech, alternative modalities)
• Notable quote:

  “We probably see half the number of patients per day that most busy practices do, and that allows us twice the amount of time, on average, with our patients. And that is the secret sauce.” – Dr. Larry Rosen (30:07)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On why self-care matters (03:45):

  "When you lose yourself, you’re actually not taking very good care of your family and your child at the same time." – Dr. Larry Rosen

• Reframing self-care (12:31):

  “I think in a forum like coaching or a forum like the patient, you know, doctor relationship, that is kind of the environment where parents can see the opportunity to allow them to invest in themselves… which again to me isn’t optional because otherwise it can only lead to burnout.” – Len Arcuri

• On habit formation (34:42):

  "It sounds so simple, right? But those are power moves… If you break it down and you have that intention, I think most of us can find five minutes a day to add a new habit, a new behavior. And that’s the key, right? You’re trying to make it a habit." – Dr. Larry Rosen

• On aligning habits with identity (35:20):

  “I wanted to walk more in my life… I started telling myself, ‘I’m a walker. That’s who I am.’” – Dr. Larry Rosen

• On feeling heard and empowered (31:00):

  "It’s not him making decisions, it’s a parent who makes the decisions. And he’s a phenomenal guide to help you do that. But it’s really impossible to make great decisions for your child or yourself, again, if you’re not thinking clearly, if you’re not regulated yourself." – Len Arcuri

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:00–03:00: The reality of parental guilt, burnout, and the urge to self-neglect
• 03:00–06:00: Dr. Rosen’s evolution from child-centered to family/parent-centered care
• 07:14–10:00: Personal experience with burnout and introduction to mindfulness practices
• 10:08–12:31: The need for permission and modeling different patterns than previous generations
• 13:26–15:04: The “selfishness” myth and reframing self-care as a parental duty
• 15:59–19:48: Importance of tangible, practical structures, models, and community connection
• 19:48–22:23: On community, isolation, and where parents seek information
• 23:20–30:00: What makes an integrative/holistic practice different and why it matters
• 31:00–34:42: Practical approaches to habit formation, small steps, and self-compassion
• 34:42–36:01: Aligning habits and routines with identity and values
• 36:01–37:52: Closing reflections, resources, and gratitude

Actionable Takeaways

• Start Small: Commit to five minutes a day of a simple self-care activity—such as breathwork or gentle movement.
• Let Go: Identify one unhelpful habit or belief to gently release over the next month.
• Reflect Compassionately: At month’s end, take stock with kindness, not guilt.
• Seek Support: Don't hesitate to pursue community—online, in groups, or with integrative practitioners.
• Curiosity Over Certainty: Stay open to new perspectives, and choose guides (medical or otherwise) who prioritize curiosity, partnership, and your family’s unique needs.

Resources Mentioned

• The Whole Child Center: Dr. Rosen’s integrative pediatric practice
  (See show notes for website and video featuring Len’s family)
• Contact for Support: elevatehowyounavigate.com

“Self-Care is Primary Care. It is not selfish—it’s the foundation that allows you to help your child thrive.”
— Key message throughout the episode