A (3:43)

Right? And if you think about the term all in, it's like, yes, I'm here. I'm here for my child. I'm here for myself. I'm ready to do the work. And for some of you listening, you might be like, okay, all in warrior. It just seems like you're saying a synonym. And what we want to do is kind of take you through where there are similarities, but then where there's also difference. Because the one thing that we have learned on this journey that's so important to kind of really point out is the energy that you put out into the universe is truly the energy that you get back. And so this is. Going through this nuance right now with you is really important because our whole goal in doing this podcast and doing the coaching and supporting parents, that little nuance can make such a world of difference.

B (4:29)

It comes down to how are you showing up that way you're showing up, how you're starting, how you're approaching everything. It does influence everything. So being a warrior parent or being all in, the similarities to start off with, because those terms can be somewhat interchangeable, both entail having courage, particularly to do things that are hard or unpopular. Skill to do something well, to have the determination to see things through. As Cass talks about lots of times, ownership and being the CEO of your child and what's right for them. Ownership's a huge part. And doing things well, excellence and being relentless at taking actions that are right for you, those are all qualities that you could say are qualities for warrior. It's also the qualities of someone who's all in. But after that, there's other ways that maybe there's a distinction between, you know, how you show up and the term warrior versus all in.

A (5:30)

So how would you want to do this? Because we could do it where I read you, what a warrior might do, and then we could do it all in or vice versa.

B (5:37)

Well, I'll be the warrior.

A (5:38)

So, okay, you be the warrior. I'LL be the all in.

B (5:40)

Okay. And again, we're doing this because this, this distinction will make a difference. Trust us. So if I'm showing up as a warrior and I'm showing up with all those things I just mentioned, which are fantastic, I'm also showing up though perhaps trying to change other people, particularly my child.

A (5:57)

Right. And what the all in it's like you realize in life the only person you can truly change is yourself. And so being all in is that ability to kind of really hold up that mirror and look at yourself and think about, okay, if I change and I am now putting out this energy out into the world, how could I be that influence for others? Right? So always be that light for your child.

B (6:21)

So warrior is more directed at others, whereas being all in is really about yourself. It's an inward focus. And in addition, warriors are really usually about good and evil, good and bad judgment more than anything in terms of what's right and what's wrong. Whereas being an all in parent, it's truly about acceptance.

A (6:42)

Right? So what is, what's happening right now? What's going on? What do I need to kind of pay attention to? And doing it from a place of non judgment.

B (6:51)

And where this most comes up is with our, with our kids behaviors, right, let's say difficult, challenging behaviors. It's so hard to not judge that as bad and it's gotta go. But if you can look at it.

A (7:05)

From acceptance, yeah, that's where the power is, right?

B (7:07)

Because from that point of acceptance, not that you want it, but from that point of acceptance, you'll be in much better position to figure out what could help. So also warriors are really about kind of pushing against something and rejecting what they don't want. Whereas an all in parent is much more about welcoming.

A (7:27)

And so it's kind of like welcoming, okay, whatever shitstorm might be happening, what is this here to teach me? What do I need to kind of pay attention to? What is the message in this? You know, what is that message in the madness? And so you get to become a much better detective. Instead of rejecting something right away. When you welcome something in, you're like, oh, that's new, I haven't noticed that before. You're a much better problem solver, so you're much more welcoming, much more open, you're much more able to kind of see what am I really supposed to see with this?

B (8:04)

And kind of related to that is if you show up really rigid, kind of close minded and focused on what you're wanting or what you're going after, then you kind of miss a lot of opportunities that you could otherwise get with curiosity.

A (8:21)

And curiosity allows you to be that detective. So like Len was saying that, you know the idea with welcoming when you're like, okay, why is my kid head banging right now? And like, oh, weird. It happens, you know, an hour after he eats. Like you can kind of put those little clues together that actually help you support your child better. So you're going to be curious instead of judging and rigid to what that behavior might be. You're going to be like, holy shit. I can completely understand that and I'm completely flexible to understand what's going on. And I can go more in flow with it. I have that ability to kind of flow and support my child as I need versus judging it and being rigid and trying to extinguish it.

B (9:07)

So those are just some kind of contrasting the two terms, the two energies and really being like a warrior. And part of the reason why that energy may be not a fit is it's not about forcing anything. It's really much more about allowing your child to be themselves to just again, as Cass mentioned, to just welcome what's happening. So it's not about force.

A (9:34)

No, it's actually more about that whole surrender. It's like, okay, I'm going to, here's what's going on. I'm not going to fight it. I'm just going to, like I said, go with that flow. And that allowing peace allows you to truly show up with a different energy, one that's going to feel much more safe for your child and one that's gonna really let you step more into that power and that ability to kind of see what's the best move to make next.

B (10:02)

If you're approaching it as if it's a fight, as if it's a battle, it's a win lose type situation. But if you go all in instead.

A (10:12)

It becomes a win win. Right. You feel good about what's happening, your child feels really good about what's happening. And so you're in such a stronger place, right?

B (10:22)

Yeah. You can get what you want for yourself or your child without someone else losing. So it's really just a mindset that there's abundance, there's lots of options, there's enough for everyone. So again, that's a different way. And if you're all in, you're allowing those possibilities. So another aspect of a warrior is that it's usually about completing some mission. There's a task, there's a goal. And while that can be useful. What we found with this journey to support our son and the autism journey is that there is something even more important than some specific goal that we had, right?

A (11:04)

It's navigating the journey well, but also enjoying the ride. And I just, you know, as Len was speaking, I thought about it. When Ry was diagnosed with autism, Len went to his first Dan conference, what, six weeks later. And Dan stood for Defeat Autism Now. And we actually rise initials are RDA with. And we were, you know, we actually created what RDA stood for, which Rye Defeats autism. So he actually went to this conference with these business cards made because we had made defeating autism our mission. And when I look back at the photos that we had of our son when he was younger, there was so I was on such a mission, you know, and especially knowing that five year window and all of that stuff that comes with this, that there are years that I wish I could take back, that I could enjoy the ride more, because there were. So when you look at the pictures and you remember the head banging, you remember the behaviors and the tantrums and, you know, not having holidays and all the other things that come with it, but there was also so much joy woven in that. And I can see it hindsight looking back at these photos of my son, but I so wish that I wasn't just on that mission to defeat that autism, and that I was just truly able to enjoy the ride a little bit more still, while supporting my son as he needed to be supported, but also finding the joy that was there.

B (12:30)

The bottom line, it's journey, not destination. It took me so long to really get that concept. And it's so true, because even if we got what we were hoping for, our son, let's say him losing his diagnosis, if, you know, after years that happened, but we were miserable the entire time and not present with him, not enjoying the moments with him and being distracted because we were just so focused on that outcome then he'd be in a very different place now, and our connection, the bond that we have with him would be so much less. Which is why the journey is what it's all about. While you're going towards something that you.

A (13:11)

Care about and how you and the energies that you set off. I've shared before, kind of that litmus test he took me through, like, are you judging the fuck out of me or are you with me? And so this is where going with him on this journey really mattered more than what my mission was, where I started.

B (13:29)

So navigating the journey. Well, with ease with more lightness is a key aspect of being all in. And so there's a lot of other distinctions, but it really comes down to if you're battling, it's kind of a serious and kind of like you're wallowing in negativity. It's more low vibe. Whereas if you're all in, oh, my.

A (13:52)

Goodness, this is where high vibe, truly the vibration that you send out into the world, the vibration that you send out to your child that is so, so important. It's amazing. If I could take back some of those early conversations that I had with practitioners or therapists where I was kind of like in this battle mode, going to defense for whatever my son needed versus the conversations I can now have as it relates to what my vibration was going into those fights versus going into those conversations are very different. And now I, you know, I get what I want, even though I'm coming at it from a positive element because I'm still supporting my son as he needs to be supported, but my energy going into it is very different.

B (14:37)

Yeah, but you're still coming in strong, but you're coming in positive.

A (14:41)

Correct.

B (14:41)

And so for some people listening, if you didn't already stop listening when you heard high vibe, I mean, that was such a ridiculous concept for me thinking about when we were really in the middle of the most challenging times, it would be impossible to even entertain being high vibe. But that's why we're talking about it. The secret is you can be even while what's happening is not what you're wanting. So that's why this Persona of stepping into somebody who's all in, it makes all the difference. Being all in means it's not about defeating anything, especially autism.

A (15:19)

And it's also like, you know, I know picky eating can be big for some, but this is all about. It's not like, oh my God, I have to force my picky eater to eat something. It's no, it's getting to nourish your child and figuring out how you need to do it in a way that feels good for them, but also for yourself. So it's not a battle, it's an opportunity.

B (15:38)

Again, it's not about winning or not losing. It's about the journey and making the best decisions you can. And you can have if you want, situations where it's a win win, where somebody doesn't have to lose for you to do what's right for your child. So overall, when we think about being an all in parent, what does this kind of look like? It's basically a different way of being in the world. The energy that you're projecting.

A (16:07)

And I think it's really important. It's kind of like when you look in the mirror, like I've always wanted to. Every day I look in the mirror and like, okay, what can I do to support my son? What can I do to support my daughter? But it's also what is my, you know, what do I see in the mirror as it relates to myself? What is that energy that I want to put out into that world? And so really thinking about how you show up and I heard a stat the other day that just kind of blew my mind. I guess 80, 80% of people don't really look at themselves in the mirror. Yes, you might look at yourself to put makeup on or you might look at yourself for is my hair straight? But truly, look at yourself in the mirror to realize the amazing human that you are. And now you have this opportunity to raise a human might be different than what you thought it was going to be, but it can be such a beautiful journey, especially when you're not picking it apart and just kind of loving it for how it is.

B (17:06)

Yep, truly. And so warriors are usually against something. Being all in. This is about being for something. It's about putting all your chips on the table, but committing to being that best version of yourself for your child.

A (17:24)

It's also about setting yourself up for success. So when you're curious, when you're flexible, when you're in flow, you're going to be able to be omnipresent and you're going to be able to see so much more. And so for you to kind of really embrace that your intuition and embrace your perspective is such a key piece of being that all in parent, you know, you get to be that detective.

B (17:49)

Yeah. And when you're all in, this is where you have the space to commit, truly commit to your own self care because it is anything but selfish. It's essential. So being all in is this different type of energy. It includes having hard conversations. It includes embracing inconvenience because a lot of the stuff that actually is effective and that helps is extremely inconvenient.

A (18:12)

It's also about continuing to learn. So this is where, you know, I just encourage you always kind of be open because every day I find there's something I learned that's new and something that I find that's useful. And yes, these are the things that we share. But it's also your own discovery in this journey is so important for you to have those. Aha. And breakthroughs as well.

B (18:35)

Just about every parent says that they want to be the best parent they can be. And I know you listening are wanting that to be the best parent you can be. But the reality is that only a few are willing to do their own work. And you can't go all in if you think that your child's the only one who has work to do. So the question is, can you commit to doing what it takes to get better and better each day?

A (18:59)

Go all in for your child, and of course, for yourself, because you are being called for this, for something greater than you realize. Want to discover your top autism parenting blind spot? Take our free quiz today. Go to allinparent.com Go.

B (19:19)

Sam.