There's NO Perfect Diet

Summary

Podcast Summary: Autism Parenting Secrets

Episode: There’s NO Perfect Diet

Hosts: Cass Arcuri and Len Arcuri
Date: January 20, 2022

---

Overview

In this episode, Cass and Len Arcuri tackle the often confusing and emotionally charged topic of diet for children with autism. Drawing from their own experiences raising a son diagnosed with moderate to severe autism, they emphasize there is no “perfect diet” and explain why each child’s food needs are unique. The discussion is rich with practical advice, explores common pitfalls, and provides empowering guidance for parents seeking to make dietary changes.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Foundational Role of Food (00:00–02:37)

• Cass underscores food as the “foundation” for health and behavioral outcomes in kids with autism.
• Quote: “If you’re not getting food right, you’re just throwing your money out the window for a lot of therapies and interventions because you don’t know what’s being caused by the food that they're eating versus what is something else that's going on for them.” – Cass (00:14)

Their Family’s Personal Journey (01:21–02:58)

• Len and Cass recount their son’s severe health challenges and the transformative effect of diet changes—specifically, the removal of dairy.
• Cass describes her son’s addictive relationship to drinkable yogurt, and the drastic behavioral shift after removing dairy due to allergy.
• Quote: “He would drink this yogurt ... and within like minutes he actually would be in like a drunken stupor ... taking away that dairy, something that he loved ... changed so much.” – Cass (02:58)

The Misleading Nature of Food Marketing (05:29–06:26)

• Cass points out the prevalence of gluten free, dairy free, and other claims on processed foods, cautioning that these products may still contain problematic ingredients.
• Quote: “Meanwhile, you’re still buying convenient items, processed food that actually have some crap ingredients too.” – Cass (05:55)

Emotional and Social Challenges (06:26–08:15)

• Len discusses his initial reluctance to dietary changes due to emotional ties to childhood foods.
• Cass and Len explore the subtle social judgment from family, therapists, or friends when parents deviate from typical diets.
• Quote: “You're talking about friends and family ... anyone around you.” – Len (08:12)
• Quote: “Even therapists think that you're nuts. When I know we got that eye roll often when we're like, oh no, my kid can’t have Goldfish.” – Cass (08:15)

The Overwhelming Landscape of Diets (08:45–10:51)

• Len notes the glut of diets that never go away—Atkins, keto, gluten-free, etc.—causing confusion for parents trying to make the right choice.
• The importance of becoming informed about dietary options rather than hopping from diet to diet.

Pitfalls in Implementing Dietary Changes (10:51–16:56)

• Pitfall 1: Not knowing your “why”—Don’t adopt a diet unless you deeply understand its purpose for your child. (10:51)
  • Quote: “Don't do anything unless you really understand in a powerful, deep way why you're doing it and what it's looking to accomplish.” – Len (10:51)
• Pitfall 2: Trying Instead of Doing—Commit fully for a set period instead of “trying.”
  • Quote: “I'm going to try this, which means ... I can get out of it, versus I'm going to do this.” – Cass (11:24)
• Pitfall 3: Doubt and Negative Mindset—Approach changes with hope and confidence.
  • Quote: “Trying is kind of failure in advance.” – Len (11:44)
• Pitfall 4: Needing Permission—Don’t wait for approval from doctors, family, or even your spouse.
  • Quote: “Friends and family, they don’t need to be on board with what you choose to do, food wise.” – Len (12:45)
• Pitfall 5: Spouse Not On Board—While partnership helps, you don’t need to delay changes if your spouse isn’t fully supportive.
  • They reference their “Healing Kitchen Boot Camp” and a bonus module on “how to get your spouse on board.” (14:37)
  • Quote: “To start to make changes in the right direction, you don't have to wait for your spouse to be fully on board.” – Len (14:26)
• Pitfall 6: Doing Too Much, Too Soon—Take baby steps for lasting change.
  • Quote: “This is not about being a hundred percent perfect day 1. This is like, how can I make a better decision today than I did yesterday?” – Cass (15:04)
• Pitfall 7: Money Worries—Reevaluate priorities and budget; investing in food may reduce other long-term costs.
  • Quote: “You can't afford what your long-term prognosis looks like ... it's investing now.” – Cass (16:01)

Reject the “Perfect Diet” Myth (16:56–17:25)

• Cass reminds listeners that every person is a “bio individual,” meaning needs will differ drastically from child to child.
• Quote: “There truly isn’t a perfect diet because every single person is a bio individual. So what works for me might not work for Len, which might not work for my son.” – Cass (16:56)

Three Food Rules for All Families (17:25–19:47)

1. Diversity: Avoid monotony; rotate proteins and produce.
   • Quote: “Diversity basically means is how do you have rotation in the foods that you eat?” – Cass (17:37)
2. Nourishing Choices: Food should nurture body and soul.
   • Reference to Dr. Hyman: “Your choice is either to nourish a cell or kill a cell.” – Cass (18:37)
3. Free of Poison: Avoid toxins, processed ingredients, and hidden additives.
   • Quote: “Food includes a lot of nonsense, especially processed food. So this is why one would eat organic and spend more for organic to be free of the poison of pesticides and other chemicals.” – Len (19:18)
   • Reference to episode 33 on glutamates as a neurotoxin (19:47)

Action Steps: Journaling and Detective Work (21:43–22:18)

• Cass encourages keeping a food journal to notice patterns and reactions.
  • Quote: “If you start to see patterns with when your child eats certain foods, you can be like, hey, you know what, I've noticed this after, let's just say, tomatoes. What if I took tomatoes away for two weeks?” – Cass (21:43)
• Len emphasizes that parents are best positioned to notice what works for their kids by journaling and observation.

---

Notable Quotes

• Cass: “There is no perfect diet because every single person is a bio individual.” (16:56)
• Len: “Trying is kind of failure in advance.” (11:44)
• Cass: “You don’t need your mom’s permission.” (13:23)
• Len: “Don’t do anything unless you really understand in a powerful, deep way why you’re doing it.” (10:51)
• Cass: “The foods that are wreaking the most havoc are the things that the child wants and craves and perhaps is addicted to the most.” (04:13)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–02:37 – Why food is foundational for children with autism
• 02:58–05:29 – Their son’s experience with dairy and realizing food’s power
• 05:29–06:26 – The confusion of gluten-free and food marketing
• 06:26–08:15 – Emotional/social hurdles in changing diets
• 10:51–16:56 – Major parent pitfalls in dietary change (with solutions)
• 16:56–19:47 – The three food rules: diversity, nourishment, and toxin-free
• 21:43–22:18 – The value of food journaling for detecting patterns

---

Memorable Moments

• Cass’s candid story about taking away her son’s beloved yogurt after realizing its effect.
• Len’s reflection on his emotional resistance to giving up familiar foods.
• The playful but pointed “You don’t need your mom’s permission.”
• The hosts’ clear stance: “There is no perfect diet” and the encouragement to focus on principles, not perfection.
• Recommendations to see other relevant podcast episodes for deeper dives on specific topics like “Most Gluten Free is Full of Crap” (ep. 59), nourishing foods (ep. 8 & 12), and avoiding glutamates (ep. 33).

---

Closing Thoughts

Cass and Len close by reinforcing that action beats perfectionism. Rather than endlessly searching for the "right" diet, parents should start with small, informed steps—focusing on diverse, nourishing, and toxin-free foods—while tracking outcomes with a food journal. They assure listeners they’re cheering for every parent’s journey.

---

For further support and personalized coaching, the hosts invite parents to visit autismparentingsecrets.com.

Transcript

[A]

When you have different kinds of kids, you need to make different choices for your children, and food is really that foundational. I always say to parents, like, if you're not getting food right, you're just throwing your money out the window for a lot of therapies and interventions because you don't know what's being caused by the food that they're eating versus what is, you know, something else that's going on for them.

[B]

How is it possible for a parent of a child with autism to become the superhero their child needs now? Hi, I'm Len.

[A]

And I'm Cass. When our son was diagnosed with moderate to severe autism, we went all in. We spent over a decade learning everything we could on how we could transform to help our son thrive. And guess what? He's doing it. This year, he ran for class president.

[B]

Each week on this podcast, we will be sharing the secrets needed for you to become the superhero your child needs.

[A]

If you want to learn how to tap into your innate superpowers to help your child thrive, visit autismparentingsecrets.com hello, and welcome to Autism Parenting Secrets. It's Cass, and I'm so excited for this episode, because today, the secret we will be talking about is there is no perfect diet.

[B]

We haven't talked about food in a while, and if you know us, you know that food is an incredibly important part of how we live, an absolutely monumental part of the journey of finding answers for our family, especially our son, who had huge health challenges early on. And there were definitely a few things that we did that made all the difference. And without a doubt, the way Cass took control of the diet and led the charge on this made all the difference.

[A]

Well, and food is foundational. And if you think about it in terms of your car, you put certain gas in your car, your car runs. Right? We don't do that with our bodies. We don't do that with our children. So often we're kind of caught in how we were raised and what did we eat. And like, oh, that brand was okay for me then. But guess what? When you have different kinds of kids, you need to make different choices for your children, and food is really that foundational. I always say to parents, like, if you're not getting food right, you're just throwing your money out the window for a lot of therapies and interventions because you don't know what's being caused by the food that they're eating versus what is something else that's going on for them.

[B]

Yeah, the impact on food and health and especially behaviors, especially with a child as we had who was moderate to severe on the spectrum. Food is an incredibly important thing to get right, to desire to know what helps and what doesn't and to do something about it. So we could talk for hours on food. And we're not going to do that today. No.

[A]

But we're going to start with, let's just start with dairy for one. Because like, right before our son was diagnosed with autism, he was also diagnosed with some multiple life threatening allergies. And one of the things that he loved, loved was organic drinkable yogurt. So I was so proud of myself that I was buying organic. But he would drink this yogurt and he need two. It was almost like his fixed. And within like minutes he actually would be in like a drunken stupor by drinking these yogurts and it's like, wait a second, this food is causing these behaviors, you know? And I look at his dairy allergy as a blessing because I had to get rid of that stuff. But it was amazing. Taking away that dairy, taking away that drinkable yogurt, something that he loves, something that he was so connected to, like changed so much by just having to make that step. And we were kind of forced into it. And so many parents, when you first get your child's diagnosis, you'll hear about gluten free, casein free or gluten free dairy free. And as someone who did that, I highly recommend considering those kind of things. Because you don't know what your child's reacting until you take it away.

[B]

Yeah. Especially if they can't speak and can't communicate to you. But it was obvious when we were watching our son with the drinkable yogurt, because it's not like he wanted it, he was addicted to it. It was a true addiction. And afterwards he was, it was as if he was drunk from it. And as parents, none of us ever want to take anything away from our child that brings joy. But the weird thing with food is sometimes the food that's wreaking the most havoc are the things that the child wants and craves and perhaps is addicted to the most. So early on, yes, the gluten free, casein free or dairy free is what we had heard a lot of buzz about. I went to conferences, we talked to people. That was the type of thing to do. But as you get into this, the food landscape is incredibly confusing. I mean, it's constantly changing and shifting, quote unquote. Diets keep appearing constantly, it's endless. And no diet ever Drops off. So all the diets that have been around for decades are still there and there's new ones popping up. It's absolutely maddening to try to get your arms around, what are all the options? Why do these things exist? How can they help?

[A]

Right? And if you think about it like a claim like gluten free. So 13 years ago, when we went gluten free and we also had another child who had a potato allergy, so your only option back then really was gluten free and potato, you know, otherwise it had potato. So we basically had to start over and we had to start from scratch. But nowadays, gluten free and dairy free and, you know, even like, you will see these claims so often in the grocery store now. So you can walk down that processed food aisle and be like, oh, I'm doing great. This is gluten free. This is gluten free. This is gluten free. Meanwhile, you're still buying convenient items, processed food that actually have some crap ingredients too. So it's not necessarily just about making a choice. It's great as a first start, gluten free and casein free. But what are some of those other ingredients? What are some of those other possible triggers that your child might be reacting to?

[B]

We actually did an episode kind of on that topic. It's episode 59 called Most Gluten Free is Full of Crap. But this is important because gluten free for us especially was the prevailing thing initially. And that's what we heard a lot of guidance saying, hey, to. To do that. And I went in thinking very reluctantly, by the way, because I didn't want to change my diet at all. That was the last thing I wanted to do. And I didn't want my son's diet to change. But as Cass mentioned, our son had true allergies, so we had no choice. And if we did have a choice, I'm curious how that would have unfolded. But it's a blessing in disguise. He was truly allergic to foods. That did not help him. And I didn't want to be gluten free. I didn't want him to be, but I saw that he had to be. But for me, that's the last thing I wanted too, because food is very emotional. We all, as Cas mentioned the foods we grew up with. Of course we want to share that with our kids. And I know for me personally, something like a Pop Tart. Growing up, I enjoyed Pop Tarts. I didn't understand why my son couldn't have a Pop Tart.

[A]

But and then you read an ingredient list of a pop Tart and you're like, oh my God, I'm never feeding this to my child, but guess what, I have a recipe. And we can kind of make really good alternatives. But there are so many different claims out there. You will also run into a lot of either doctors or therapists or even family members who, when you mention that you are doing these food changes, they're all going to give you that eye roll and they're all going to think you're stinking nuts or wasting time. They're also going to feel a little bit judged by the whole thing because if you're choosing to eat differently, then you might, they might be assuming that you're also looking at what they eat. Like, oh my God, I can't believe you eat that garbage.

[B]

You're talking about friends and family and they're like, ye, anyone around you.

[A]

Yeah, or even therapists think that you're nuts. When I know we got that eye roll. Often when we're like, oh no, my kid can't have goldfish.

[B]

It's similar to if you're in a bar and you're not drinking. Other people kind of feel like it's a judgment on what they're doing. So that's definitely the case with diets. But the key thing though, going in is that you hear about gluten free case of your on all these other things. And we were joking because, yeah, none of these diets ever fall off. And I was actually just joking earlier with Cass saying it's something like the Atkins diet. There are people who are still doing Atkins diet.

[A]

Oh my God. And I loved it because recently I was watching TV and there's a TV commercial with Rob Lowe. And it was really funny because he's like, I'm talking about the Atkins diet and I'm not here to sell anything. So Atkins diet is, you know, it's still around. It's still around.

[B]

And we don't want to judge it as good or bad because it's pretty similar to keto. But the key thing is these things do not go away. And so trying to going into this without being informed, number one, getting informed about the options, that's absolutely essential because if you skip the step of being informed about the options and the reasons why these diets exist, then you're going to always kind of have a nagging sense that you might be missing something. So getting educated, getting informed on this confusing landscape is absolutely the first step.

[A]

And this is why when we coach parents One of my favorite things to help parents with is that food landscape. I went back and got certified as a health coach back in 2010 just so I could learn everything I could to help my son. But having lived this way now, because now we are like 13 years gluten free. So as Len said, he went kind of kicking and screaming. Here we are still 13 years later, still choosing to be gluten free because we know how our bodies feel. Really great. But as we help support parents with navigating this food landscape because it is extensive and overwhelming, it's really important to understand what is out there. You're going to create the tapestry of what's right for your family. Personally, I take little bits and pieces from different things and kind of weave it together, but it's so important to understand what's there and not necessarily understand to then do a 180 degree turn to something else. Because so often when parents really don't get informed, when you skip this step, it's gonna be like a revolving door. You're just gonna go from one thing to the next thing to the next thing. And you're always going to think that you're missing out and then you're always gonna second guess yourself.

[B]

You're teeing up. I think Cas one of the key pitfalls. So we're gonna just quickly highlight some of the pitfalls and then we're gonna dive deep on one specific one. The first pitfall is not knowing why you're doing the diet. So we talked about that. Whatever you choose to do, if you're going gluten free or if you're trying the GAPS diet or whatever the case may be, don't do anything unless you really understand in a powerful, deep way why you're doing it and what it's looking to accomplish. The second thing is not to try to do a diet, right?

[A]

Because trying, you're giving yourself permission to fail, right? So I'm going to try this, which means I'm going to give myself an excuse and I can get out of it, versus I'm going to do this. I'm putting a stake in the ground and I'm going to go gluten free for 30 days and I'm not going to cheat. That is where the power comes from is when you stop trying and you do.

[B]

Trying is kind of failure in advance. You're giving yourself that out, as Cas mentioned. So be mindful of that. And going into another thing that can get in the way is just the doubt. If you Adopt a diet and commit for 30 days. Go in believing, hoping and being confident that it's going to help. If you go in saying, I'm going to do it for 30 days, but I doubt it's going to do anything, forget about it. And especially with respect to your child, if you're like, my kid's not going to go for it, you're dooming it to failure.

[A]

Oh my God. If you think your child's not going to eat something, or you've already given yourself the 10 reasons why your child's not going to go for it. Your child's going to pick up on everything, all the energy that you're sending out. And of course they're not going to go for it because they're going to think you're pulling one on them. And this is where it's so important for you to really stand in your power. You're doing this for a reason. Knowing that why and choosing to do.

[B]

Yeah, it's your mindset, it's the energy that you're exuding. It all really makes a difference. Another pitfall is going in feeling like you need permission from someone else, whether that's your pediatrician or your doctor, whether that's friends and family. Because guess what? Friends and family, they don't need to be on board with what you choose to do, food wise. Clearly, it's nice to have support and people who are excited about what you're doing, but don't count on it. And definitely don't let that be the prerequisite for you to do something that truly in your gut you feel will help your child and your family.

[A]

Right? You don't need your mom's permission. Let's just be honest. Or if you're going to your mom's house, let's just say for a meal, you have the ability to also bring your own food. So this is where you get to kind of truly stand up. Knowing your why will fuel everything.

[B]

So this leads into with not needing permission from anyone. Okay, there's a huge issue with spouse. What do you do if your spouse isn't on board? And some people may be feeling they need their spouse to be on board to be able to make diet changes. Now, clearly partnership and cooperation and having both parents on the same page is phenomenally helpful. But in this case, you don't necessarily need to have your spouse on board actively doing it with you. Ultimately, what you're trying to do, and this is a separate episode altogether, you're trying to get their buy in to help create an invitation for them to buy into using and changing food in the family, at least for your child, and having that partnership. And they'll be involved to whatever extent that they choose to. But to start to make changes in the right direction, you don't have to wait for your spouse to be fully on board.

[A]

One of the things that we support parents with is something called the Healing Kitchen Boot camp. And there is a bonus program in that that is how to get your spouse on board. And that's something that Len is absolutely passionate about and knowledgeable on. And this is really about that invitation partnership.

[B]

Yeah, I know it from both sides. But related to getting and helping to inspire your spouse to be more on board is this next pitfall, which is.

[A]

Trying to do too much too soon. And this is all about how do you set yourself up, set your child up, set your whole family up for success by taking baby steps. You know, this is not about being a hundred Percent Perfect Day 1. This is like, how can I make a better decision today than I did yesterday? And how can I just do one thing in the direction of where I want to go? Because once you take that first step, you'll take a second step, you'll take a third step and you'll get to where you want to go. But when you run fast, it's to going kind of like the turtle and the hare. The turtle wins the race because they're going slow and steady versus the hare who tires themselves out.

[B]

So these two pitfalls kind of go hand in hand because there's absolutely no way you're going to get and inspire your spouse to be on board if you're trying to do too much too rapidly. Right. So baby steps, partnering, these are all really key to be aware of and to approach it in a way that sets you up for success.

[A]

And another pitfall that will also help get your spouse or partner on board too is the money conversation. Because a lot of parents will just kind of discounting, oh, well, we can't afford this. And it's like there are ways to budget, there are decisions to make and there are things to prioritize where you can afford this because you can't afford what your long term prognosis looks like. And so it's investing now and being mindful about what you're choosing now can be really helpful and game changing.

[B]

Yeah, you're going to spend more money here. But possibly what we found is not as much as you may think. And there's definitely ways of doing it. And we made a conscious decision we invested more in food, and we took money away from other things we were spending on because we made food a priority. So it's going to be unique for everyone, right? But the money pitfall, if you're worried about that going in, can absolutely freeze you in your tracks.

[A]

And pitfall is also, people are looking for the perfect diet. They're not taking action. They're overthinking it. They're, like, questioning every single thing. But there truly isn't a perfect diet because every single person is a bio individual. So what works for me might not work for Len, which might not work for my son. And so it's really finding the food that works for that person. There's three food rules that we really like to focus on in our house.

[B]

So instead of a perfect diet, go for this kind of diet, right?

[A]

So if we think about it, one is a diverse diet. So diverse means not having the same thing over and over again. And yes, if you have a child who only eats chicken nuggets, it is possible to add diversity if you check out our Instagram stories. Every morning, I post my son's breakfast to help inspire and show the diversity. But diversity basically means is how do you have rotation in the foods that you eat? So let's say you might have beef one day or chicken another day, or lamb another day. So if you eat animal protein, what does that rotation look like? Also, diversity in the vegetables and the produce and the fruit. So adding newness is really important. I always love to encourage parents when they're grocery shopping to pick up a vegetable that they haven't used or maybe haven't used in, like, years and cook it right. So find something new and cook it so you can add diversity in the next of the three. Here is nourishing and making nourishing food choices. So how do you really nourish the body, nourish the soul? So what could that look like? It might look like bone broth for some. It might look for fresh fruit for others, but it's making choices that are nourishing. There's a quote out there. I forget who said it. I think it's maybe Dr. Hyman. But the whole idea of, you know, your choice is either to nourish a cell or kill a cell. And so the whole goal here with food is to nourish, right?

[B]

It's not just about feeding and calories. It's about nourishing the body, nourishing the.

[A]

Cell, minimizing things that might be problematic, like sugar. Also, we have two podcast episodes that you might want to check out if you want to go deeper into nourishing. One is episode eight and the other is episode 12.

[B]

The third element is a diet that's free of poison or free of toxins. And we're using the term poison deliberately. Food includes a lot of nonsense, especially processed food. So this is why one would eat organic and spend more for organic to be free of the poison of pesticides and other chemicals. In processed food, there's an incredible number of things that are added that are added to increase shelf life and taste and all sorts of things.

[A]

Repurchase, right, because they basically want to light up the pathways of the brain that like, oh, my God, I want to eat more of this. You know, the other day I was looking at a chicken nugget fast food restaurant, and when you read their ingredient list, there is lots of sources of glutamate in that. And glutamate is a neurotoxin, just like also some refined oils like soy oil are. If you want to learn more about glutamates, I would recommend checking out our episode 33 with Andy Stowe. We talk all about glutamates in that episode, but it's really important for you to read those ingredient lists. Even if you're not making the food, if you're buying it from a, you know, restaurant or even from the store, flip it over and make sure you understand all of those ingredients so you can realize, like, hey, you know, flavors. What does that mean? And when you start deep dive, you're like, okay, guess what? I'm no longer going to buy food that says flavors, but you get to make those choices. So this kind of goes back to, you know, the three basic fundamentals of food. Diversity of food, nourishing food, and food free of poison.

[B]

Those are the three. So go for that over time and avoid the idea that there's a perfect diet, that there's something you should be doing. And you'll be hearing buzz constantly about this diet or this intervention, all these kind of things. Shiny object syndrome that, you know, it's easy to get distracted. But really, it does come down to a diet for your child especially that has those three elements that we talked about. Diverse, nourishing, free of toxins and poison. Go for that. That is such a better strategy than searching for the perfect diet. Because what we've seen, especially with people that we coach, is that that search for the perfect diet tends to contribute to overthinking and being intrigued about making diet choices as opposed to actually making them.

[A]

That's it in the nutshell, right? It's about doing, not talking about. And so it's really important to take action, but it's all about those simple steps to just keep getting better. And also, you know, the only last piece of advice here is keep a food journal. Because if you start to see patterns with when your child eats certain foods, you can be like, hey, you know what, I've noticed this after, let's just say tomatoes. What if I took tomatoes away for two weeks? Will I see those same behaviors? And this is where it's really important to kind of be that detective to help support your child as they need to be supported.

[B]

Yeah. You're in the best position to see what are the foods that are going to help your child the most and the ones that kind of cause the most issue. And keeping a journal like Cass mentioned is an absolutely perfect way to start. So we hope this is helpful. There's so many great resources out there as you put this all together, and we are cheering you every step of the way.

[A]

Want to learn how to avoid the 33 mistakes most autism parents make? Get your free training today. Visit autism autismparentingsecrets.com unstoppable.