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7 year old Audrey and her mom Sarah saw the eviction notice taped to their apartment door. As she half listened to Audrey talking about her day at school, a piece of mail caught Sarah's eye. She picked it up and then dialed a phone number.

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She figured her health plan wouldn't be able to help.

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Actually, I think we can.

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Sarah learned that Pacific Source provides members with support beyond healthcare, including connecting them with housing. Help Pacific Source Health Plans

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hi friends. We got so much to talk about. I'm ready to fight, I'm ready to argue. I'm ready to let this out. Okay, we about to talk about so many different aspects of leaving people alone with themselves and how it's the best feeling, it's the best thing you could do for yourself and them. So this starts in like a weird revelation of sorts. So I just turned 28, my birthday just passed right? And I had a whole come apart cuz I'm 28 years old e I feel still feel like I'm 21. Like when I go to the club or like I go out and they ask for my id, I still get a little nervous like I used to have fake id so I'm like I get a little nervous when I give him my real id. Now I'm like I'm still that young in my own head but I felt like 22 for a while now and I woke up on my birthday and I feel like I'm old, like I'm 28 years old. It's like you go to sleep 22 and you wake up 28, I feel like something's off. I feel scammed, I feel very weird about it and I had this whole come apart mentally because I'm like yo I'm 28, I'm a 28 year old man on TikTok disgusted with myself. I'm so absolutely fudgeing embarrassed of myself. When I woke up my birthday. That's what I was thinking, like, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm 28 years old on TikTok and Instagram. On social media. I wanted to throw up. Not because I was hungover. I was. But I wanted to throw up because of this. Oh, I think everybody can understand why that's an ick. I got an ick with myself. Being grown all of a sudden is the problem, because I feel like a grown man, and then I look at what I'm doing, I'm like, yo, you grown. And what are you doing with your life? Go do something respectable. Like, go deal drugs or something. Like, what are we doing on Instagram? TikTok. I will discuss it with myself, but I've been sitting with it for the past few days because I really was contemplating quitting. I'm like, the podcast is respectable. I like it. I like my podcast. I enjoy it. I feel like that's something I can do at my grown age now. But tick tock and Instagram, I was just like, no, like, I need to quit. I need to hang that up and stop posting on these platforms. Like, that's embarrassing to me. And I was talking to my mom about it, talking to my friends about it, and everybody's like, leo, you're fine. Like, you don't do social media how other people do. Like, you're 28, but, like, you're allowed to be on social media. And I was like, no, that's not what I wanted for my life. This is like, when I had to come to terms with being gay. I'm like, this ain't what I wanted for my life. That's. This is how it feels like I was coming to terms. Like, this is not how I wanted my life to turn out, and I had to accept that I was gay. I'm fine with it now, but that's how it felt with this. Like, okay, I'm 28. I do social media for a living. Ew. Like, I just have the ick about myself. Like, that's. I. That. That. That is not aligned with what I see as, like, respectable about a man. And I woke up and I'm like, yeah, I'm a grown man now. There's no getting around it. I'm 28. So I've been sitting with this because I was actually contemplating quitting. I'm like, you know, we gotta hang it up. It's over, it's done, It's a wrap. I didn't plan for this to happen so soon. I went to sleep 22, and I woke up 28. So we just gotta abort ship. I actually really started to get down about it. I started to feel like a failure. And as soon as I spoke the words out loud, I feel like a failure. Something in my head was talking to me. Not like schizophrenic, why am I gonna hit you? Not like schizophrenic. My higher self was talking and I heard it over and over again. This isn't yours. About the concept of feeling like a failure. And I felt like an embarrassment. And when I said that, the voice said, that's not yours. It was, it was weird. Like there was so many thoughts I was thinking and they weren't mine. They were not my thoughts. And I could feel it. But like I had my soul literally talking in the back of my head. It's like chirping like a little bird. Not yours, not yours. That's not yours. It was nice. It was saving me from it because I was about to spiral. Like I was about to lose my mind. Like what? I wake up and I'm unemployed all of a sudden because I'm too embarrassed. Please. But this embarrassment and the failure that I felt wasn't mine. And so I started sitting with that and I was like, what? Who say it? Why is it in my head if it ain't mine? The thing that was bothering me was the association with what other 28 year old men are doing on social media. I do not want that association. I was feeling secondhand embarrassment by my peers. You could say I don't want to be nothing like them. Everybody that's like a 28 year old guy on TikTok and Instagram is like, they're desperate for clout, they're desperate for money. They're promoting gambling, they're promoting peptides and all this crap. They're rage baiting. They're talking about women. I can't stand no motherfucker who's gonna fix his mouth to speak negatively about women online. As someone who's been attacked by women non stop, I do not go up against women. I will not fight with a woman that's. You're never going to see me doing it. Gay or not, I can't stand that shit when men step out of place. Like that's just something about my personality. I don't like it. I don't condone it and I don't think I ever will. Unless you're calling out like some corruption or like the pedophiles that are running everything that. I get it. But like the way these men are Just like rage baiting and like fighting. No man on social media is being respectable from what I can see. It's like they're either very performative, very pick me or they're trying to like sell a course or sell this. It's like there's no just like genuine people on social media that are doing what they're doing. And like the men with the podcast, they're not sharing of substance. Like they're stupid. I'm sure there are some people who are decent, like older men on social media, but that's not the common thing. This stereotype of men on social media that are grown is like, what the are you doing? Cuz they're not doing nothing respectable. They're on of they're selling their body. They're doing nothing but like trying to show their body off on Tik Tok Live and get all these older women to like them. I don't like that. I don't like nothing about the association with being 28 years old online. And that was my problem. I was feeling secondhand embarrassment from like how I'm going to be perceived because what? Like a lot of people aren't smart enough to discern between someone who is the stereotype and isn't. If you can't tell that I'm different from the stereotype, you're a idiot too. I'm just gonna call it what it is. So am I gonna sit here and be concerned about people judging me the wrong way? No, it's right in front of your face. I don't have to try to be different. It's just obvious. Like I do my own thing. I'm not like none of these people. So this also made me realize I have a problem with the association thing because when I was doing the one on one coaching with people, it was like two and a half, three years ago at this point. I stopped doing it because I got so busy and I was going and doing all these events and all this crap in LA and I stopped doing the one on one coaching and I loved it and I wanted to get back into it once I was able to figure my life out and have some stability and like, okay, this is what life is now. Get used to my new threshold of how busy I am. I wanted to go back to it, but the thing that made me not go back to it was how scammy all of the coaches are on social media. I don't care how legit I did it, I don't care how great I was and how many people I helped and lives that I saved one on one personally talking to people. It's just the overarching like consensus of online coach scammer full of idiot. That's like the stereotype. Most stereotypes don't come from nothing. All right? So I ended up not going back into doing the one on one coaching with people but because I didn't want that stereotype. I didn't want any of it. Like you know what I'm talking about with the coaches. Like I don't want to be associated with that. I don't want people watching my videos and then hearing about oh, here's my coaching here. Like I would just immediately write you off like an idiot. I wouldn't trust nothing that you had to say cuz you can't trust most of the things these people are saying. But that's one thing that I blocked myself from already. And I was about to do it again with social media because I was like, yeah, I'm getting off, I'm leaving social media, not doing this. But I had to stop for a second and then I realized the embarrassment is from everybody else. It's not my embarrassment. I'm not the one over here doing all the shit that they're doing. Like the way that I do social media is in my own way and with respect for myself and with integrity and like, yeah, I like that. Okay, I feel better about it. I don't have to quit. Like I'm, I was really like faced with that. I was stressed out. But like not letting people have what's theirs and not leaving people with themselves. I don't know what it was that happened in my brain that made me so fixated on like that. Just because other people are being embarrassing doesn't mean that it bleeds into you. It doesn't rub off on you. Like, you know that picture of like the fruit where it's like the rotten fruit and then it's sitting next to good fruit and then eventually all of them rot because they're next to the piece of. I'm not next to none of them. I'm not friends with none of them. These people don't know me. We just work in the same platform. It's like we all just post videos in the same spot. So I was really just going to rob myself of everything. I was like, no, can't do it and leave because I make money online. Like I, this is my what I do for a living. I was fully just going to throw it because I'm like that. I'm very like that. I will say faith, but my ego didn't take control on that one. So this was how the whole what we're about to get into unfolded with, like, leaving people with themselves and associations, character flaws, perceptions of them. It's like, leave that with them. Don't take it on as yourself and take it on as your own problem. Secondhand embarrassment that ensures the hold. Okay, let's move on to the next example of leaving people alone with themselves. And this is actually about someone in my life. A few months ago. I was asking repeatedly for them to change certain ways that they treat me and change certain behaviors. I got so down about it. You know how you did a whole thing of, like, when someone is just, like, not treating you right, and you explain it as direct and straightforward as you can. This is what I want changed, and this is why. This is what you're doing that's hurting me, and this is what you're doing that's impacting me in a negative way. Stop. Or let's have a conversation about what we could do instead. I was way too lenient with this person because they were very close to me. And as soon as I realized I have an Achilles heel and I will hurt myself for somebody, I will cut that Achilles heel myself. As soon as I ask you to change something and you don't, you're out. Because I got stuck in that I was a little bit too lenient with somebody where I noticed I was hurting myself for them and I was allowing things to go on. No. As soon as I became aware of it and I was like, this person is my Achilles heel. I will put myself second for them. Cut immediately. I'll sever my own fucking Achilles heel. If you're it, you're cut. So this person, I was asking, asking, asking for them to change certain things, and it was so simple and cut and dry, and they wouldn't. So I set my boundary down. Get the fuck out of my life. Get out. You lost the chance to be in my life and be around me. It's as simple as that. Because when you get into the understanding of like, well, how can I make it easier for them to make these changes? Why am I not good enough for them to make these changes? How can I do more to get them to change? That's a waste of your time. That's not your problem. They're a idiot, okay? That's all you need to know. They're a idiot. If you can lay it out for them what they need to do, if they chose not to do it, that's on them. Well, I need to be. Understand? You don't. You don't. I don't give a who it is in your life. This is how rigid I've had to get with myself. And I've never regretted it. Like with all the people that I've cut off in the past year and the people that I've cycled through and the friendships that I've made and certain ones have rekindled, which is crazy. God's timing. But of all the things that have happened, I don't regret none of it. Anytime I've cut somebody off, if you push me to that point. You got it. Congrats. Go. Go to your checkout. Go past. Go collect 500, not 200. Let's play Monopoly. Go. If I tell you you're hurting me with something that you're doing, or my life is deteriorating because I care too much about you, I will put myself second and you still don't make the change. You're okay with hurting me. So now I got a personal problem with you. Now protecting me is going to come out and cut you to fuck off. Leaving people alone with themselves entails not second guessing yourself and wondering, why was I not enough for them to change? Why am I so unlovable? That's not leaving them al with themselves. That's the opposite of that. Leaving them alone with themselves is saying, okay, I made it simple. I made it easy. They understood what we were talking about. Every time that I asked for these certain changes to be made, they understood what was happening. They understood what I was saying. They chose not to change it. So they're stupid. That's all you need to know. That's how you leave them with themselves. I don't get it. It's like, if I tell you, hey, this stove is hot, don't touch it, it's going to burn. You don't. Don't touch the stove. And you walk over and touch it. Why am I going to feel bad for you? Why? I told you. And then let's say we take it a step further. I told you, don't touch a stove. You touched it, you got burnt. Okay. Couple weeks go by, you come back to touch the stove again. I'm like, hey, don't touch that. It's hot, it's going to burn you. You touch it, you're going to get burned again. You're just a idiot. That's how people are. You eventually just got to leave that person alone with themselves at that oven. You got to walk away from the Oven leave. Why are you gonna still be around that? Because you. Then you're gonna stress yourself out. How do I get them to stop touching it? Why are they not listening to me? Is it how I'm saying it? Is it my delivery? Is it me? If a dumbass wants to touch a hot stove, let them. That's it. If someone doesn't want to love you or make the changes necessary to keep you in their life, let them go touch the stove. That's touching the stuff. Okay? So you're the stove. Burn them. That's how I look at it. Like if I tell you, hey, don't touch me this way, I'm the stove now. I'm saying don't touch me this way. Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me. Do not touch this one spot. If you're gonna touch it and I don't burn you, you learn nothing. So you touched it. I'm gonna burn the out of you. And now you're not gonna touch me again. I told you you could touch anywhere on the stove. But I need you to not touch this one spot, okay? And then you touched it, okay? So now the consequences. Burn your ass. I'm gonna leave you with yourself. I'm not gonna walk away second guessing my sound, wearing a band. Take my own advice, okay? I've done the whole going into yourself and trying to change yourself and understand. All you need to understand is they're stupid, okay? That's all. Leave them with themselves. Okay? The next example has to do with what I've been up to. So I've been working on something I've been working on. You know how I have my merch, right? I've been working on a clothing line, like an actual clothing line for the past year. I have dumped so much money into it and I've officially had to kill that dream for now. Because people and them being failures has made me start to feel like a failure. Because what I want, I can articulate it and say it so clearly, concisely. I can give you pictures, I can explain exactly what I want to people. I have a weird ability. I have a lot of weird abilities. Not weird, but like so heightened, it don't make sense to normal people. Abilities. My attention to detail is next level. I've not met a lot of people with my attention to detail. I'm not met a lot of people with my self control or strength or emotional intelligence. But this we're going to focus on my attention to detail and my refusal to bend When I see something in my mind, it will happen. Like I'm going to make it happen. If I set my mind to something, I'm doing it. Consider it done. My problem with the clothing line and everything I've been working on, the people, the manufacturers, I have flipped through so many different manufacturers and nobody can get it right. And it started to eat at me and my self esteem of like, I don't know how to get these people to care. It just seemed like everybody was so careless, like nobody can do anything right. I say this, I write it out, I make you read it back to me. And then what? You send me for a sample is completely ass backwards wrong. You missing three fucking details. I told you. And it's not even right. This has happened so many times that it's made me lose my mind a little with it. Like I. I had to kill the dream. Like it's not happening now. I'm gonna have to deal with this in a few years when I've got more money to just throw in the trash can basically because people cannot get right. And this whole time I was thinking it's because they don't care about me as a person, they don't care to get it right. Then I was thinking, they just don't have integrity. They're lazy, they don't have integrity with their work, they don't give a. And then I was like, is it God? Like, are you with me through these people? Like, what is it? Am I being punished somehow? And then I'm like, am I being too difficult? And then I'm like, no. Because I see similar things out. People are making them, so why the can't it be made for me? I took it so personal and I made everyone else's failure be about me. The reality of the situation is, is the people I've been trying to work with are not good enough for what I want to create. They're good enough for normal little things people want to make, they're cut out for it. They can knock it out. The stuff that I want to make is not in their level. They're not even able to access it like the shit that I want to make. Most of the big brands with these design houses and warehouses and manufactured, like in my eyes I'm like, you ain't even doing it right. How do you have all the access to all these resources and all these things and you still just putting out this like what is going on? But I was running myself stupid trying to figure out how can I make these people care and be personally invested into making this stuff correctly for me. How can I get anything I want to happen? And it started to make me question my ability to bring about and create and manifest and actually physically create things that I want. It strung me out stupid, and it's caused me so much headache, and I've lost. Not lost, but I've invested so much money into it for nothing to come out of it. Because these people are not good enough. That's the problem. Leaving them with themselves is to look at them and say, you're not good enough for what I'm trying to do. Not in a rude way, because I had a lot of conversations of, this is what I want. If you can't do it, tell me. If this is too high up, if this is too out of what you're able to do, your capabilities, then just tell me. They reassure me, no, no, we can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We're gonna nail it. Haven't nailed. There's certain things. I'm 13 samples in, they still ain't got it close to right. That's the problem. They're not good enough for my vision. That's it. Cut and dry. It's got nothing to do with me. I'm not too difficult. I'm the easiest to work with. I give you the most clear instructions. You can't mess up anything that I say. If you actually follow the instructions I give you, there is no room for error. I give directions like, I like to get them because I don't want to mess nothing up. Somebody asked me to do something. I want you to be very, like, clear with what you say. It's not about me finding a way to make them care about me so that they do it right. They are not capable of doing it right. That's the core thing here. And I had to see that. It's like this whole perspective at the beginning of this podcast, when I'm talking about the association thing, it's like leaving people with themselves. It's like it unlocked all these different aspects of my life, and I'm like, whoa. Like, I haven't been the problem. It feels so good to feel like you are the problem because you get a sense of control. Okay, if I'm the problem, I could do something about it. I've not been the problem because I've fixed everything that I could fix everybody else the problem at this point, from the things that I'm talking about. Yeah, I know when I'm at fault. I know when it's My issue. This is not my issue. My only issue with the clothing brand that I'm trying to make is I picked the wrong people like four or five times. So that's something that I'm going to have to put on the back burner until maybe a few years from now. I'm not dealing with it. I'm not dealing with a headache and I'm not trying to force nothing until I get the connect. For people who are good enough to create what I want to fall in my lap. Until I'm ready to go seek it out or it falls on my lap, I'm not doing it. I have other things I want to do, you know, Other thing is quality. Like the quality of things. I'm. You guys notice it too. The quality of everything is just shit now. Everybody's just trying to like get everything out as fast as they can. No one cares about the quality. And I'm a stickler about that because when you guys buy from me, I care about you. When I say I love you, my ass is behind it. I don't want to play with you guys money. I want to be respectful of you guys money. I want you to feel cared about when you shop and buy something that I make. So when I'm doing my quality control. When I did my sunglasses, they sold out. By the way. You guys love them. I was a little worried. I was like, these are very specific to me. Me. I don't know if you guys are gonna with them, but you do you do you like them really bad. They sold out. The inventory that I had saved for online sales, sold out. I have a few thousand pairs left that are going to be at the Pop Up. If you don't know I'm doing a pop Up. Stu, you can come shop with me if you want, do a meet and greet, buy some things. I'm gonna have some champagne there on me. Don't worry. I buy you a little champagne. But the pop up store will be in two weeks. I'm very excited. March 28th and 29th. It's open from 11am to 7pm and make sure I'm there the whole time. Okay. I want to meet everybody. I want to go shopping, but I'm going to have most of the sunglasses inventory there, so you can still buy them in person. And I have a whole bunch of other merch that's custom just for the pop up. But I'll show you soon. Okay. I'm still planning on how I want to show you. I'm like, should I keep it Surprised? Should I show you? I don't know, but it's going to be fun. But yeah. The quality thing with the sunglasses got off on a little tangent. I had to tell you about everything. I'm so excited. But with the sunglasses, with all the inventory that I ordered, of course, my luck. When I get to the warehouse, I have three pairs sat on the table for me to come check out. I open the first box and one of the screws is stripped inside the glasses. So it's not that you just tighten it and it's better. It was stripped. So it's a defective pair. The first pair I open are defective. I open a second pair. One of the emblems is like, up defective. Another pair open, the third pair. They're perfect. When I tell you I lost my mind. Oh, it's normal to have some that are defective. A couple few. My brain lost it when two out of three that we randomly picked are defective. I made my team open every single pair before they started shipping them out to you guys. Because the last thing I want is for you guys to have a bad experience shopping with me. I don't give a fuck how long it took. I don't give a fuck how much it's gonna cost me to pay for that labor. I was pissed and I was terrified because I'm like, how many are ruined? Like, genuinely, how much money did I just lose? Because two. Two out of three, that's not good odds. And we got a few thousand over here. Do I need to go shoot somebody? Yes or no? Tell me quickly. But they did the final counts of everything. There was a couple hundred that were defective, but I caught them all before they started going out to you guys. That was just a little side tangent about the quality. But my whole point, I hope it's sticking. I hope, like, these are all making sense because they make sense in my brain. I just gotta, like, word it, get it out. Because, like, the whole clothing brand thing, I'm not a failure because I'm having to put this on pause. I'm choosing to put it on pause because the hope has been beaten out of me that anybody will be able to make what I want. The hope is destroyed in me. I've had the, like, doctors, like, rub your little paddles clear. I've had to resuscitate my hope so many times over the past year, and it's not happening again. I'm not doing that to myself again. I'm putting it on pause. I'm gonna focus on merch, making fun clothing line stuff. Like, higher end stuff is gonna be later in life. It's gonna be a later in life venture. I'm done abusing myself to deal with people who at the end of the day are not capable and not equipped to make what I want. That's what it is. And I'm done with the whole mental turmoil of like, oh, what is it about me? Ain't got to do with me? Dang, good enough. And that's it. Okay, so the next little topic we're gonna go into. I was feeling the other day, like before all this started cracking me, I felt like genuinely. I wrote it down. I feel like the hardest person alive to love. That's how everybody has made me feel. Not to be a victim, but I was so irritated with everybody because I was caught in, like, this hard to love. I feel like very hard to love. And then I'm pissed off at everybody because I'm like, it's easy. Like, I'm the easiest person to love. Then I had to clock myself and I'm like, well, why don't I just fucking do it? Like, why am I over here trying to get other people to love me? Like, I'm not fully self sufficient. I love to be alone. Like, why am I acting like I need people? You could trap me alone in the forest. Like I trapped myself voluntarily. You could put me out in the middle of nowhere for a year and I wouldn't miss people. I would have a blast with myself. So I was over here, irritated, just like angry because I felt so unlovable. I'm like, y' all are so inadequate. You're such fuck ups. It's so easy. So I put it to the test. I'm like, okay, Every single thing about myself. What do I need? What do I want? What is gonna make me feel good and happy? And how can I prioritize that? What is best for me, you know? And so I made a list. And everything I want, everything I do, I've been knocking it out like it's nothing. Taking care of myself, loving myself, hanging out with myself. I'm very easy to love. It just took me doing it and it reassured me and myself of like, why am I questioning myself at all for inadequate ass fucking people? The problem is not being easy to love. The problem was me thinking that I need other people to love me, to like, I don't know what the hell. The problem was me, I was the problem. Because I act like I needed somebody for a second. What the. No, I like people. I like to have people around. I Don't need nobody. And I'm gonna continue living my life like that till I die. Until somebody can be truly reliable and dependable and love me like I love them. Love me like I love myself. Get the away from me. But, yeah, that's another aspect of, like, leave them with themselves. If you feel like you are easy to love, but you feel like nobody can fathom love, like, everybody just makes it seem so difficult to love you, leave them with their own. They're inadequate. For whatever reason, they're not able to love you. I don't care how you lay it out. I don't care how good or great you are. They're not able to do it. Okay, so what now? You're going to keep beating your head up against a wall, keep questioning yourself? How many times you going to get the knife out and carve into yourself trying to find what's wrong with you, why they can't love you before you just leave them alone? I'm great when I'm left by myself. That doesn't hurt me. I love it. Other people need to be left alone with themselves because you see exactly why certain people don't get things that they've always wanted. Because I've handed people true, like, genuine someone loving them, and they act like an insane person. It's like people beg for love, they want to be loved, and then when you give it to them, they don't know how to fucking handle it. They only understand toxicity. They only understand bargaining for love. Kind of like how I was talking about a few episodes ago. They only know how to earn love. They only know how to feel what they feel in the absence of love. They don't know what the fuck to do with love when you put it in front of their face. So if you love someone and they act like it's nothing, leave them alone with themselves. It's not about you. If you appreciate the love that you have to give. Okay, leave them alone with ourselves. Give it to yourself. The. It really is that simple. Those are the main areas that this has kind of hit me with. Leaving people alone with themselves and, like, fully cutting it, like, sever it fully through. Like, through the bone where you're not hung up. Trying to, like, question yourself and doubt yourself, like, see how you're capable. What the hell? What was I doing? What was I all insecure about? The Now I want to tell you what happened when I was at the casino. I hit a jackpot. My grandmother passed away right before I went to Vegas. So I had like three or Four days while I was back in town, back in Dallas, before I was getting ready for the Sunglass launch and then going to Vegas. So I was like, okay, I have four days to figure everything out. Then my dad's mother passes away. So I immediately book a flight to go to Florida to go be with my dad and make sure he's good, take care of him, get everything situated. Because your mom only dies once. And I'm good at holding it together when I need to for other people. And when other people are going through grief and going through a lot of crazy shit, being the solid one that they can trust to make a decision is very important. So I went. Because that's what I would want someone to do for me. That's what I want everyone to do for me in my family and around me is like, if my mom passed away, I would be useless. I would be absolutely useless. I wouldn't trust no decision I'd be making. I'd be losing my mind. So I hope that I have a rock like me, when, if that happens, I hope I go first. I don't want to live long anyway. So I literally flew to Florida, was there for a couple of days, flew back to Dallas, and then the next morning left for Vegas. The fact that I pulled everything off is nuts to me. Like, I don't know how I was able to do it, but that's the type shit I'm built for. Like, I have an un, like, speakable, like, level of strength and like, hold it together, keep it together, handle what needs to be handled type mentality. It's like, I don't crumble, I don't fall under pressure. It's like I get bigger. It's like when there's pressure on me, it's like I swell and I'm like, ah. I get more and more powerful. And when I got to Vegas, there was so many things I had to do, plus the Sunglasses launch and everything went great. I was so shocked. And I did it all on my own. I have my friend Kinsey there with me to go to the events and stuff. But, like, everything business wise, I did on my fucking own. And we killed it. I say me and you, because I launched everything, made sure that our website was all good and you guys bought it, so you killed it. But anyway, I'm in Vegas and my grandmother had just passed. She loved the casino. And I was like, getting a little sad. It's like all the emotions that I was kind of like shutting off to handle everything that I had to handle were like, kicking back on. I was like, oh, great time. And my birthday. Like, I woke up on my birthday and I was feeling, like, a little bit emotional. I was like, okay. So I sat with myself and I started writing a little bit, and I checked in with myself. I was good. I was handling everything. I know how to go through grief. I know how to handle losing people to death and even mourning people who are still alive. Like, I've kind of figured that out. And I sat with myself, got myself through it, But I got the urge to go gamble really strong. So I was like, okay. I told my friend. I was like, kenzie, get ready. We going outside the Gambit. I was like, we have an hour before we have to go get ready to go to the ufc. Let's go gamble. But the night before, I had these very, like, vivid, vivid dreams. And I knew it was my grandmother coming to visit me. Hundred percent. I saw numbers flash across my face like this in my sleep. I remember the dream so vivid. It's like numbers are flashing across my face. And it was 42 went by, and then 27 went by, and then 13. It was like there was just certain sequences of numbers. I'm like, did she give me the lottery numbers? Damn, I wish I remembered all the numbers. I don't know what she was doing, but it was like a peaceful dream. And I knew she was there. And there was, like, a lot of good memories that were coming through. And, like, I know she came to visit me. I know she was seeing something, but she was excited about the casino. But the main number that stuck out to me was 42. Don't know why, but 42. I'm like, what the hell you up to? My grandma over here. Tell me numbers. Like, what? Anyway, we go downstairs and we go to gamble. And I'm walking around, walking around. And this. There's the mummy machine. The mummy machine is my favorite Momo Mummy. That's what it's called. I love the mommy machine. He's dancing, he's fun as. You gotta collect the diamonds. That's my thing. I love that game. Everything, diamonds. Like, I'm. I'm screaming at the most of the time, but I'm walking by and I don't know where I'm at in this casino. It's like I'm in the Cosmo, but, like, there's two areas to gamble, and I didn't. The area I went to, I didn't gamble before. So I'm walking by and I'm like, where the. Is the mummies and I turn around and I see this machine. And the number 42,000 was at the top. And I was, like, stopped by it. Like, I was something, like, made me stare at that number at the top of the fucking machine. And then I remembered the dream, and I was like, 42. Let me go put $100. Let's go see what happens. So I'm walking up to it, and it's the money. My favorite one. So I woke up to like, okay, cool. Let's see what happens. But $100, and I had a jackpot. $12,900. I was about to lose my mind because I felt my grandmother there. She was like, whoa. Like, I know she was behind me. I know she led me to that fucking machine. And it made me laugh. But then I. They. I'm waiting on them to come pay me. They pay me the cash. Okay, I get the cash. But then I look up on the machine, and it says 27. That was the other number that I saw in my dream. So I'm like, let's try it again. Let's see what happens. Because I was like, 12,900. I was like, I like 13,000. That's, like, better for me. Like, I like. I like odd numbers. Unless it's like, 20 grand. Like, unless it's a zero number. I like, even if it's like a three or a seven, I like the odd numbers. So I'm like, you know What? I see 27 up there. I was like, okay, let's see if my grandmother wants to hit me again. And I hit me with a jackpot. So I put like, 500 bucks in the machine. I'm tapping, tappy, tappy, tapping. And I hit another jackpot, and it was for 2200. So I was losing my mind. I don't know. Like, I was freaking out. I was so shocked. And I was so just like, whoa. Like, rattled a little bit. I was like, what the. So I did put a little bit of money back in, but I left with the 15,000. I was like, 15,000 flat. I'm going to take. I'm going to go back up to the room. Happy birthday to me. And I swear to God, at one point, I heard my grandmother's voice. I heard her say, happy birthday, Lee. So, yeah, I took my 15 grand and I went back upstairs with it. And I held on to it because. Remember in the last episode I was telling you about how I resented myself because I gave away too much money last year? I held that I was not putting it back in the machine. And I was not going shopping. I was not buying nothing stupid. I took my money and I held it, and I went up to my room and we got ready for the ufc, had a blast, and I left. And I came home with the 15 grand. Sure did. I'm being responsible with money now, you know? So one thing that I did do, I paid off my mom's property taxes because I don't like her to worry about nothing. I take care of my mom. That's. That's like my. I look at that as myself, like another me. Like, oh, she needs her taxes paid. I'll pay. Okay, whatever. So I paid off my mom's property taxes, and then I sent some money to my dad to help with the funeral costs because I didn't want him to pay for him by himself. Like, there was a little bit of a weird situation in the last few years of my grandmother's life, but it's. It is what it is. I'm not going to get into my family drama and gossip and all that, but I didn't want my dad to have to pay for it, so. All of it. So I sent my mom extra money when I paid off her property taxes. I was like, here's some extra money. Give it to dad. Because I don't want to have to pay for everything. And he won't take it, of course. But I tried least, you know, I thought of him Like, I didn't want to make him have to deal with all that alone. But then I saw Apple released a new MacBook, a new MacBook Pro. I've been waiting for a couple years. So I have the Big MacBook, and I like it. The big 16 inch. I like to edit, do all my stuff because I'm big. As I'm 6 foot 7. I gotta have the big screen, big everything. But I had a smaller laptop, and I gave it to somebody who needed it last year, like an idiot. Because I like the small one for when I'm traveling, because lugging around the big one is just a pain in the dick. I gave away my small one. I've been waiting on Apple to make a new MacBook Pro so I can get the smaller one and then have the big one for home and the smaller one for when I'm traveling. And I saw when I got home the next day, they were dropping the new one. I was like, oh, my God. So I ordered the bitch. I did. It was like 3,800 bucks. So I ordered that for myself because that's something I actually needed. And it's a business write off. So I had the money from the casino. I was like, hey, I took care of my mom, took care of my dad a little bit. Oh, I tried. And then I was holding the rest. I saw something come up that I needed. Bought it. I got five grand left and I ain't spinning it. Yeah, I've spent way more on the pop up, but that's that. This is my money. That's business money. This is my money, the 5,000. I'm like, I'm not putting that nowhere. I'm gonna hold it for myself. Because I was thinking on my birthday, I was like, I want to go shopping. I want to go buy myself something. But I was like, no, learn how to hold the money. Stop going to look for something that you want to buy and wait until something you want comes up. So the laptop idea came up and then I got to buy it with no stress, no guilt, no nothing. I bought the thing and I got five grand extra that I'm waiting to see what I need. But that's part of loving myself in the way that I need to. So I'm doing it. It's easy. The fuck. Like, oh my God, me hard to love because of who? Can you believe I thought that? But yeah, that's my little story time about the casino. And that's everything I wanted to say for now. I'm gonna do the what would Leo do that I said I was gonna do last week? I'm gonna do it next week because like I said, my grandmother died and when I was gonna pre record the podcast, I had to travel. So I wanted to update you about all this first and then we can do the what would Leo do next week. Week I'm going to go through all the submissions that you guys put. I'm going to make a video about it. Duh. Okay, that's all I got for this week. Love you all so bad. Also, if you got the sunglasses, tag me. I want to see the pig. Jeez, it makes me so happy to see you guys wearing them. They look cute on everybody. I told you. But that's it. That's all I got for this week. Everybody be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.