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Kathy
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks for joining us today. We are so excited to be back for another episode of Golden Hour. How are you doing today? Susan?
Susan
I am great. I am trying to rush the clock. You know how I pack, right? I'm traveling next week. I have something very exciting coming up and I, I just have to try everything on when I pack. Like it's a crazy time and now snowstorm supposed to come tomorrow and they're changing it hour by hour.
Kathy
So have you noticed? So we're both doing some traveling. The holidays are upon us. We've got a lot to do aside from all the other things that we do in our life. You know, the presents, the shopping, all that stuff that in your case, the house cleaning. Oh wait, you do that every day. Anyway, cooking.
Susan
You keep forgetting baking.
Kathy
Not cooking. Baking for me. But I just find, I find every year like you're gonna die. All my gifts, except for one granddaughter, my one granddaughter are wrapped under the tree. I'm done. Except for my one.
Susan
Mine aren't. Under the tree. They're wrapped, but they're in the attic. Well, I don't come over and visit. I don't want them to see them.
Kathy
Right. Well, you know, I, I live alone and no one's coming to visit me so they just park themselves under the tree. But I don't know. Are you feeling. I mean, look, Christmas is less than a week away. Are you ready?
Susan
I believe so.
Kathy
Are you?
Susan
I believe so because I am wrapped. I've been wrapped since the first because I had to travel this month and I'm gone for 11 days or no, the 4th to the 15th. That's not 11. But I had to prepare so early. But what stresses me out, I still have to bake cookies. I'm going to a cookie exchange tomorrow. So tonight when we've done this, I'm going to be baking cookies.
Kathy
Okay, Wait. I have to tell you what my daughter's doing this year. I'm sure she saw it on Pinterest because she lives there. On, on. I think it's actually tomorrow we're doing it. It's a hooky cookie day. The kids.
Susan
Cookie, cookie hook.
Kathy
Hooky cookie. Which is.
Susan
I like it.
Kathy
Take off of work, Take off of work. Everyone stays home. The kids are already out of school for Christmas so we're going to all get together and we're going to bake cookies and I think that is so fun cuz we're going to eat them on Christmas day anyway. So why not get together and you know, make them as a family. I think that is so. And she's going to invite some friends and stuff too. They're coming as well.
Susan
I do it with my sisters every single year and that's coming up. However, usually I have my sister day and my nieces all come. My daughter in law, it's a, it's a great day and we start with mimosas and. But they pick my house, the fun house if you will. But they have the bigger ovens. I have a wall oven and my oven is not that big. You got to see the mess, the flour, the sprinkles.
Kathy
Darling, no is a complete sentence. Hey, we're gonna do it at your house this year. Yeah, see, so stop, stop bitching and moaning because you, you don't. It's tradition.
Susan
I couldn't imagine having to pack all the ingredients and bring them over there.
Kathy
Let them get the ingredients.
Susan
All right now. So today we're gonna get into the holidays. Let's cover some things, let's dive in. Our first topic is how do you deal with grief during the holidays. And how does grief manifest for you, Kathy, during the holiday season?
Kathy
Okay, well, you just burst my holiday bubble here.
Susan
I'm sorry.
Kathy
That's all right. For me, you know, a week out, I'm doing okay.
Susan
Yeah.
Kathy
The month of December, really, from Thanksgiving on, it's tough for me because. Why? Because as I decorated the Christmas tree, taking out those ornaments, I remember the stories that go with the ornaments when we bought them. I hear Christmas music, certain songs that, you know, my husband loved. We play those. But I think. I know it's tough for my kids this year. I found myself crying at sort of odd times, and so I'll see if I can get through this. My. My husband's grandmother, so it would be my son's great grandmother, I believe, built. Made a nativity set and built the creche, the whole bit, ceramics, you know, painted them. And it's been handed down. And this year, and see, if my husband were here, we'd have it out. But this year I gave the Nativity set. So it's. My son's great grandmother. I gave it to him and he sent me a picture of he and his daughter. So that's. The next generation. Put the Nativity set out. And, you know, that's. That's really. It's.
Susan
It's.
Kathy
It's sad and, and. And happy at the same time. I think the way I deal with grief at the holidays is. Is allow myself to be sad, you know, when I am.
Susan
That's what I was going to say. Allow yourself that moment or a few moments. But grief also, a lot of times this time of the year, people pass.
Kathy
You say. You've said that people pass, Susan, 365 days a year. I don't know why you say that.
Susan
More, so look it up. Kathy, I believe you.
Kathy
I've just never heard that.
Susan
It is a fact during the holiday season. Don't ask me why. God works in mysterious ways. I don't know. But it is a fact. And it strikes people, we say, at the worst times because they're busy. But I think it actually is shocking when something happens suddenly when it's not a sickness, that you've watched somebody go, but you've got to get back because the holidays are here. You can't just sit and just say, forget the holiday. This year, that's the time.
Kathy
I did that.
Susan
You. You did?
Kathy
Yes.
Susan
Well, like the first few years. You still want to give thanks for you being here?
Kathy
No, no, now. Now I'm better, but. Oh, don't kid Yourself. The first few years after my husband died, it was brutal. I, I, I, I couldn't get through the holiday fast enough. I literally. And I allowed myself. No, I didn't, I, I did that first year. Honestly, I don't even remember, but I know I didn't sell.
Susan
You didn't have Christmas. You didn't do dinner with your children or anything.
Kathy
Well, I know my one, My daughter went to her boyfriend's home, I think. My two, I don't remember. I know that my daughter wasn't here. I, it's such a blank. But, you know, I. We're talking about grief when losing a, losing a partner. But there's other kinds of grief, I think, that manifest during the holidays. And, you know, people who have been through loss of a child, people have had a divorce. You know, there are a lot, there's a lot of grief to go around. So I don't know, it could be.
Susan
Any, Anybody's sad during a certain time, but how you deal with it is important.
Kathy
Well, how do you deal with free. How do you deal with it? Your sadness. I mean, I know you're not sad about your divorce because you guys are good friends, but have you ever sad.
Susan
That my mom and dad aren't here anymore? And my brothers, both of my brothers, I miss them. And I talk about it like they were still part of our family. They are. As a matter of fact, Dickie was here for Thanksgiving. And when we do the grace, I make everybody say something they're grateful for. And normally we mention all the names. And Dickie goes, should we mention. I said, they're getting long. We don't have that much time. The food's gonna get cold. But that's who's in my mind, the people that aren't there.
Kathy
Yeah.
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Nexplanon Advertiser
Okay, so question. Are you one of those people that starts your holiday shopping in like July?
Virgin Voyages Advertiser
July? I mean, no, never. Like I like to shop. Actually I like to shop on Christmas Eve because I find it to be a little more festive.
Nexplanon Advertiser
But you like start decorating right after Halloween?
Virgin Voyages Advertiser
No, after Thanksgiving. Okay, that's different. That's different. Halloween? No, not Halloween.
Nexplanon Advertiser
You know, I consider myself to be a pretty good gift giver. I've got my list and I've checked.
Virgin Voyages Advertiser
It twice, probably three times. She takes the holidays very seriously.
Nexplanon Advertiser
I can't help it. You know. I love finding the perfect gifts for everyone. And Walmart has all the top brands. Nespresso, Sonos, Nintendo.
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Nintendo at Walmart? Who knew?
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Just saying. Get all the brands everyone loves at Walmart. Head to Walmart.com or download the Walmart app to get all your gifts this season.
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Kathy
If I'm being honest, the holidays are not the same to me because I don't have that special person to share them with. However, I have young grandchildren. That's what makes sense and seen. Although Christmas is not if you're a Christian, it's not about the gift giving, that's not the meaning of the season, but to see the magic through a child's eyes. I will say last month, you know, I was in New York for Thanksgiving and we went out the day after Thanksgiving with, with my son in law's whole family. We cut the tree down. It was snowing, it was right. We had hot chocolate. It was right out of a Norman Rockwell painting. And I will say I loved it and I plastered a smile on my face. But, but honestly, Susan, I kept thinking I was so sorry my husband wasn't there to see his granddaughter who was so excited by the snow and the Christmas tree and the Santa Claus that was there, you know, so it's tough.
Susan
You're right. You're right. When you say it's about looking at the little ones and them getting so excited. I know we, I don't know when we're going to do this. Gosh, we drive around and look at the Christmas lights and you know, you have snacks and hot chocolate. But it's, it's, it's all about, it's.
Kathy
It'S about the traditions. And I think, I think, you know, my advice to anyone who is, is feeling grief and sadness during the holidays. It's a very normal feeling. Yes, it is. And allow yourself to feel it. And just you. The new year brings a new year and it's just about that simple. Okay, we gotta talk about. That's where I was going. Family drama. Because there is family drama. If your family doesn't have drama in the holidays, you don't have a family. That's what I'm saying. What advice do you give? I mean, I will tell you. I have to tell you a quick story because that's. These are the things that make our podcast. One year we were. Had invited some friends. I can't believe I did this. Actually, in retrospect, I can't even believe I'm admitting to it, but two of my three kids, they were like teenagers. They had meltdowns. I mean, doors were slamming, it was ugly. And friends were coming for dinner and the table was set and I can't even tell you. I called them and said, you can't come. Never realizing they had no food for like. I didn't think of that. No, you don't understand. It was drunk drama with a capital D, R, A, M A.
Susan
And I was between each other, the.
Kathy
Kids, or it was, it was a family colossal drama scene. And I just, I started crying and I said, I can't do it. I went upstairs, put on my pajamas, got in bed. I mean, it was.
Susan
You canceled it the day of.
Kathy
Oh, about two hours before they were coming.
Susan
Oh my.
Kathy
I know. And I didn't think that's how Bad it was Susan, because you know me, I would never do that. I baked. We had all the food ready. I. I don't even think we could. I don't even know it was that. It was the.
Susan
I want to know what caused the drama.
Kathy
My kids. Something happened. I'm very good at blocking things. I don't remember. But I think I. I think the best thing. What do you do? Like, does your family all. What is.
Susan
What advice do you have for anyone that wants to distance themselves? Well, distance themselves from the driver.
Kathy
That means if you're not controlled, don't go. Don't go, don't go.
Susan
If there's bullshit going on, stay away from it. I don't want it to ruin my time. But if it is in your immediate family, like your child, you can't help it. You've got to be involved. Well, try to settle it, but any words we have is not good. They got to get through it, whatever the drama is.
Kathy
Well, we didn't. We didn't. It was.
Susan
She just canceled.
Kathy
We just canceled dinner and fo la la la la. Merry Christmas. I know. I really felt badly about that. I think that. I think that what I do now. Well, I don't have to anymore because my kids are adults and we haven't.
Susan
But Meltdown. You have it at your own damn house.
Kathy
Well, what I would. The advice I would give, not that anyone's asking, tell your. Your, you know, cousin Joe and Uncle Herbert, who's ever rolling in, say, this is what we're doing. Like, tell them ahead of time what the expectations are. For example, the. Don't be surprised Uncle Joe when you come. I know that, you know, a roasted turkey is your tradition, but this year we're doing steaks on the grill. Like, tell them ahead of time so that there's no. And. And, yeah, try to warn people, if you will, set them up. Set your holidays up for success. Set expectations early. Which I didn't do. You understand? But. But now if I could go back and do it, that would be what I would do. This is what we're doing this year. I don't want any complaints. I don't want any criticism. You know, we might have a family meeting about it. Like, no, mom, we really want to have. Okay, we'll do a turkey breast, but we're not. You know what I'm saying? Like, do that.
Susan
Still gonna have this. It's what you want to do. So I have a good question, Kathy.
Kathy
Okay.
Susan
Do you ever think it's too early to give a gift in A relationship. Like, how long should you be. Be with somebody to do a gifted giving? Say, for instance, if you're dating just a couple of months, do you not give a gift?
Kathy
Let me start by saying I do expect a gift from you, and we're not in a relationship. You got one week. Get it together. Better be in my mailbox. I, you know, I think again, that is a personal decision. If I were dating a man for two months at Christmas, in other words, if I'd started dating a guy in October, here we are. I would expect some kind of gift at Christmas. I would. However, I don't think there's any hard and fast rules. I really don't. What do you think? Would you. You, of course.
Susan
Well, I'm a. I'm a giver. I like surprising people with it. And it doesn't have to be something of value, right. But something that I just like to give. Something to put a smile on somebody's face. It could be $17, you know, it could be $5. It doesn't matter.
Kathy
I will tell you, when people come to my home for Christmas, they get a little gift. I love doing that.
Susan
Nice. I don't do that. There's too many. Well, well, I exchange with everybody that comes. So, yeah, they're getting.
Kathy
Well, there's other ways around that too. You can do a. Whatever they call it, a blue Santa, a white Santa. You know, where you.
Susan
Yeah, we're going to do this year.
Kathy
Where you draw names, matter of fact.
Susan
So you don't have to buy for every. Our family's got really big.
Kathy
I mean, I think, listen, you know, people, if, if you want to know my tips for gift giving, it's. If you come from a large family, do. What's it called? I can't think of the name, but.
Susan
Polyana, but I guess it's a white elephant or something.
Kathy
Draw names. I, I always buy for the young children, but in our family, I mean, I was one of seven kids. So once we got to be adults and had kids ourselves, we stopped all that and just gave for the kids. I think that, you know, there's. I love the idea of, of something that means something to the person. If it's a craft, if it's a gift certificate for a facial, if it's a. For, you know, you can do things that aren't expensive. It's expensive to live in this world. Now give your kids a coupon for a night of babysitting. You know, there's all kinds of things like that. Give your, Your kids could give Their parents. I'll mow the yard for you. I'll rake the leaves.
Susan
That never happens. The promises can be broken.
Kathy
Wow.
Susan
You know, I think they should just offer.
Kathy
Well, I'm just saying it, gifts are, are expensive.
Susan
But I'm talking about relationships. Like if you're dating somebody, doesn't it depend on how often you've seen if it's a, once a week, a dinner or something and you're not getting together through the holidays? On Christmas you're going to be with your family, he's going to be with his. So you're not really going to see each other.
Kathy
I, I, you're asking if I were in a relationship? Yes, I would be buying a gift. That guy I dated for a while, we, a few years ago, we were dating over Christmas.
Susan
And I always buy a gift. Did you ever not receive one in return? And how did that make you feel from a guy?
Kathy
No, because I told you, I, other than my husband who always gave me the most thoughtful, lovely gifts, he was an incredible gift giver and I love that. That's something I miss. When we would talk about what we were going to get the kids and you know, all those little things that I, that, that I don't get to do anymore with him even talking about it. See, this makes me sad. This is it just. No, it's okay. I think, but I think if you're in a relationship, I think it's, I, here's what I wouldn't do, here's what I wouldn't do if I were in a relationship. Let's say like you said, a two month relationship. I'd have the conversation first with my partner, my date.
Susan
Are we gonna have, are we gonna exchange gifts? How do you approach that conversation?
Kathy
Oh, I would, me, I would say, Joe, I would like to exchange gifts. I would like to get you a gift this year. Are you, you know, I'm going to, or I might even say I'm going to get you a gift this year. Just so you know, you don't have to get me one. But I'm a gift giver and I enjoy making people smile with gifts. And I do, I usually give more gifts than I receive at holidays. And if he said, no, I have no intentions of getting you a gift, I would still give him the gift and I'd be on the dating sites the next day.
Susan
I don't think anybody. Well, what would you, I wish they would bring it up.
Kathy
You wish the guy would bring it up?
Susan
Yeah. Say, do you want to do exchange? Because I know a lot of married people that don't exchange at all.
Kathy
Okay, you know, you're begging the question here. Are you and Frederic exchanging gifts?
Susan
This I don't know. I know I'm going to buy something.
Nexplanon Story Narrator
Chapter 10 Ronan's eyes widened as the moon enveloped their secret sanctuary. Go, he warned. I'm losing control. Luna defiantly stepped forward, tracing the scar across his jaw. Then lose it, she whispered. She was ready. She has Nexplanon etinorgestrel implant 68mg radiopaque to prevent pregnancy. A non daily prescription birth control for women that goes in your arm and not in your uterus. Don't use nexplanon if you're pregnant or may be pregnant, have or had blood clots or certain cancers, have liver disease, liver tumor or unexplained vaginal bleeding. Once the implant is placed, you and your doctor should feel for it. If at any time you can't feel the implant, contact your doctor right away and use a non hormonal birth control method such as condoms. Removal of the implant may be difficult or impossible if it isn't where it should be. While uncommon ectopic pregnancy, pregnancy that occurs outside the womb can occur, which can cause serious internal bleeding, infertility and even death. You are likely to experience changes to your period. Ovarian cysts may occur and usually disappear. Nexplanon may raise the chance of serious blood clots, which can cause heart attack, stroke or death, especially if you smoke or have other risk factors. Nexplanon doesn't protect against HIV or STDs. With less than one pregnancy per 100 women who use Nexspanon for one year, Nexplanon is over 99% effective. No matter the fantasy, talk to your doctor. Call 1-877-467-5266 or visit nexplanon.com for more information. Ask your doctor about Nexplanon okay, listen.
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Nexplanon Advertiser
Okay, so question. Are you one of those people that starts your holiday shopping in like July?
Virgin Voyages Advertiser
July? I mean, no, never. Like I like to shop. Actually, I like to shop on Christmas Eve because I find it to be a little more festive.
Nexplanon Advertiser
But you like start decorating right after Halloween?
Virgin Voyages Advertiser
No, after Thanksgiving. Okay, that's different.
Delta SkyMiles Advertiser
That's different.
Virgin Voyages Advertiser
Halloween? No, not Halloween.
Nexplanon Advertiser
You know, I consider myself to be a pretty good gift giver. I've got my list and I've checked.
Virgin Voyages Advertiser
It twice, probably three times. She takes the holidays very seriously.
Nexplanon Advertiser
I can't help it. You know, I love finding the perfect gifts for everyone. And Walmart has all the top brands. Nespresso, Sonos, Nintendo.
Virgin Voyages Advertiser
Nintendo at Walmart. Who knew?
Nexplanon Advertiser
I know. And more. All of your shopping in one place.
Virgin Voyages Advertiser
How much more shopping? Oh boy.
Nexplanon Advertiser
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Susan
If you're going to have the conversation, maybe you should put a limit, an amount.
Kathy
Yeah.
Susan
Don't go over such and such.
Kathy
Okay. For all your other friends. Susan, limit it to 20 bucks for me. Sky's limit. Okay. All right. Have you ever. So my father was Jewish and you know, I have my Christmas trip. I have my menorah, which I'm having trouble with the candles. Thank God it's only one at a time. Did you with your husband or boyfriend or anybody, have you merged traditions during the holidays?
Susan
So I had friends that were Jewish and I try to acknowledge theirs and, and do their thing, but not in my house. Everybody that has come here has all.
Kathy
Been Christian or same tradition. Yeah, well, we. Like I said, I grew up in a. Almost completely Jewish neighborhood, and so I would go to my friend's house and, and on Hanukkah and, you know, they, most of my friends did not have Christmas trees. They. A few of them did. They called them Hanukkah bushes, which I loved. But my dad, my, my, my mother was Christian and my father was Jewish, so he loved. Nobody celebrated Christmas more or loved Christmas more than my dad. But again, not the, not the true meaning that Christians assign decorations. The decorations, the tree, the presence.
Susan
Well, isn't Hanukkah that you get a gift, I think seven days.
Kathy
Well, people do it differently. It's. It's Festival of the lights.
Susan
It's.
Kathy
It goes on for seven days. Usually people get the biggest gift the first night. Some people get the first night and then they get little gifts the rest of the time.
Susan
But it's not like us that you have 45 presents under the tree for all the kids.
Kathy
We didn't do it that way. But, you know, I, I don'. I don't have the book of Jewish holidays open on my lap here, how they celebrate. But I usually it's the big gift is the first night and then just little gifts.
Susan
You go to synagogue the first night?
Kathy
No, no. Hanukkah is not a religious holiday. It's. It's Festival of the lights. It's a, it's, it's Not. It's not like Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur or any of the serious high Jewish holidays. It's a fun Jewish holiday. So it's not. It's very different from Christmas, which is one of the. Obviously one of the Christians highest holidays. And where did I. How did we get onto this religious track? We got to move on here.
Susan
Well, we're mixing traditions. We are like, I don't know, most of my friends all have the same. And everybody I've ever dated, I think celebrated Christmas. So I didn't ever merge their traditions. If our tradition. Okay, here's a good one. The seven fishes, like the Italians really celebrate Christmas Eve with the seven fishes. And I used to do it. My grandmother did. My mom skipped. Yeah. It was always my nana. And then I started to do it and the kids didn't like the fish. They didn't. And you know, I was in Texas too, and inviting people, friends and neighbors and all. No one was appreciating it.
Kathy
Yeah, I've heard it's a lot of work. Yeah.
Susan
I will tell you, I believed in it. It was something about good luck for the year. So Lottie, my girlfriend and Ray do it every year.
Kathy
Well, good. Tell them. Tell Lottie I need some of her luck, please. I will say the simple traditions that we have merged. My husband loved certain kinds of pies. He liked certain kind of dressing. I grew up with a different dressing on the turkey. And so those kinds of things, what we did, we initially made both of them. Over time, we sort of got away from having to have his or mine. We would one year do his, one year do mine. That's how we sort of merged it. And then our kids, as the kids came along, they really, they really were like, mom, we really want your eggnog bread. We don't really care about your cranberry nut bread kind of thing. So that.
Susan
Stop making that.
Kathy
Yeah, yeah, stop. We don't like it. Stop me so that you know that how. That's. That's how our traditions change. But I got. What is your favorite dish on Christmas? Food. What is your favorite food dish?
Susan
I love a hay.
Kathy
Not to make turkey.
Susan
Pardon me?
Kathy
Not to. Not to make. To eat.
Susan
I like everything, but I don't like turkey. So I struggle on Thanksgiving and I make a 25 pound beautiful bird. And then I thank God I don't have to eat it again till next year.
Kathy
And so what's your favorite dish? What is at the ham?
Susan
I. I like them. I love him. But my scuttle soup, and then we have the raviolis. But this year, I'm breaking it up. And I'm not telling anybody. They would have a heart attack.
Kathy
The tradition.
Susan
We're doing stuffed shells this year.
Kathy
I like. Can I pop over for those?
Susan
Yes, yes. And then I have the. The meat to go in the gravy. That's the spaghetti sauce, as you guys call it. But it's gravy in my house. And I'll have pork and sausage and meatballs, and then we have the ham.
Kathy
Wait, your meal is different. Your meal is so different from ours.
Susan
It's a traditional Italian Christmas. You have soup, your escarole soup.
Kathy
But your husband was not Italian.
Susan
He. He. That's what we did. He don't eat cheese. So the man. I have to do a side of homemade spaghetti. He'd have his own spaghetti.
Kathy
Unbelievable. We did the same. That's so funny. Our tradition was doing the same. Like, I, you know, no, Christmas and Thanksgiving, the menu is almost exactly the same. But as you know, I love to bake. And so every year, I made home my homemade pecan pie, homemade pumpkin ice cream.
Susan
That's all the fun, good stuff. The desserts. But what was the main meal?
Kathy
Always, I'm telling you, always turkey. And I think one year, my husband, a couple years towards the end, he did a crown roast rib. A crown. What's it called? A crown roast. You know, crown roast. And I mean, because he loved to cook, and we did that a few times. I honestly think traditions are meant to be broken. And I know that sounds crazy. I like bringing in some new surprises every year.
Susan
Well, that you still have your traditional stuff. And tradition, to me, is everybody being here on that day and everybody having the soup and the. The. The pasta, the Italian part and that whether it's a ham or a turkey, that's tradition. That's how we do it.
Kathy
Okay, so how you do it? I'm going to ask you, and I want to say, you know me. I'm always joking around here, but I want a serious answer for this one, Susan. If you. If Frederic. If he lived, you know, wherever. I mean, doable. Not in St. Martin. If he lived close enough. And he said, I want you to come to Christmas at my house with my. He has two kids. With my two children this year. And. And. And. And we're. I'm making it up now. You know, I live on the island. Whatever. We're gonna have, you know, shrimp barbecue. I don't know. Would you do that? Would you.
Susan
I would never leave my children On Christmas. I would do it on Thanksgiving or Easter or New Year's, but I won't leave on Christmas.
Kathy
You'll. You would not. Oh, interesting.
Susan
It's a big day here.
Kathy
It's a big. Oh, are you kidding me? It's a big day here. It's always was. Well, not me.
Susan
I'll leave the day after.
Kathy
So you. So I would. I would celebrate. If I found the person who loved me and I loved. I would, absolutely. If he said it means a lot to me to celebrate with. I'm assuming he has kids. I'm making this up, obviously.
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Susan
But we're adult. We're golden.
Kathy
His kids are talking about. I'm talking about, would you ever travel.
Susan
For Christmas and not be with your children? Not with their significant other or with somebody you're in love with? Would you just take a vacation and just not be there on Christmas?
Kathy
You mean leave without a reason to leave? Just. I think I'll go to Egypt for Christmas.
Susan
You're planning your vacation and it happens.
Kathy
No, no, no, no. But. But if I were dating someone seriously, not just a casual date, but if I were dating someone seriously and he said, kathy, I would love for you to come to my home. I'm making it up. Don't have the guy. But maybe. Maybe I'm manifesting it in Naples because my children are coming this year and I would love.
Susan
Yeah, maybe in every other year.
Kathy
Yeah, I would do that. Yeah, I would do that. But. But where I was going with that is, would you be willing to give up then? You're not having the escrow. The soup. You're not.
Susan
Oh, yeah. Whatever they're serving, I'm eating.
Kathy
So you'd be okay with that?
Susan
Yeah. And I come home and do mine. I think a lot of people do one or the other. Like every other year. Like this year, we'll do your place for Thanksgiving, mine for Christmas, and the following year we'll switch it up like that.
Kathy
I just do it. And I'm being honest. Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I'm just in la la land. If I met the guy that I was that I just couldn't wait to wake up next to, and he felt the same way. Sometimes I think I'm like living in a dream world, but I.
Susan
And you call me a hopeless romantic.
Kathy
No, I'm hopeful romantic. You're hopeless. There's a difference. I would. And, you know, I have all my stuff decorated and my kids. You know, I've already started the baking. I've got a few more things Left to cook a couple of pies that, you know, I can't do till, you know, just before I would so do it.
Susan
And, and how would you tell your children that I'm going?
Kathy
Well, you got to remember I said if it were a serious relationship, so, so theoretically, I've known this guy more.
Susan
Than two months, you know, they would understand.
Kathy
I would say, you know, I don't know why I always use the name Joe, but, you know, Joe has asked me to come to his home on the, you know, on the ocean in Hawaii. Let's think big here. And so I'm gonna go to Hawaii for Christmas. And kids, let's pick a day and we'll celebrate Christmas before I go or after I go after I come back and we're going to FaceTime on Christmas. My kids would be fine with it. Yeah, they would.
Susan
Your grandkids.
Kathy
Well, because, because here's the thing. You all your kids, like you're the hub. Everyone comes to your house. Everyone used to come to my house. When my husband was alive, we did the part, the Christmas china, the crystal, the silver, the whole nine yards. We did all the cooking. Occasionally my daughter, I think would bring aside, but they were younger, right? Now, now you go there last year. Honestly, my memory is bad. Since my husband died, I, I struggle to remember each year. But like this year, we're going to my daughters, and she's got the child, she takes over. She's. Oh, she loves Christmas. She's. She got that for me. She loves the decorating. So she's got the menu all made out. I know what I'm bringing. My, my son knows what he's bringing. And, and I kind of. It's like passing the baton, which you have not done for one of, one.
Susan
Of my children to do this, and it's not happening. But my, my daughter in law, my Christopher's wife, I was surprised when she said, you're coming Thanksgiving, right? Because it's just a norm, you know. And she goes, mom, no, they just had a new kitchen, put in, new bathrooms, they redid their whole house. She goes, I'm doing my first Thanksgiving. And she goes, I didn't think you would come. And I said I would come. I said, I won't do Christmas. She goes, well, we'll be at your house all day Christmas. I understand, but I would come. I've been doing it my whole entire.
Kathy
I know, but you know what, Susan? My advice that you're not asking for is start thinking about passing the baton so that your children can start building Those memories with their, their children.
Susan
That's it. I'm going to go next year. So I had to tell the other people that come to my house for every holiday.
Kathy
Yeah.
Susan
My sisters and their people. And I said to them, you know, I was kind of torn when she said that. And my sister said, don't be. That's your family.
Kathy
Yeah.
Susan
Go next year, we'll go out. Nobody cooks.
Kathy
I swear. I swear the store dropped you. I swear to God.
Susan
Do you know what I think about, though? That's the time that all my nieces and their significant others and my sisters and my brother in laws are all in one house.
Kathy
Yeah.
Susan
That's what I look forward.
Kathy
Okay, before we end this, when we're going to wrap it up here in a second, but I just thought of one of the biggest. It just occurred to me truly, you, this is where you live, where you grew up. You're, you're, I mean, few miles from where you grew up. All your kids live there, except for your daughter. Your, your sisters live there. I grew up outside of Boston, Massachusetts. I grew up in Newton, Massachusetts. I got married when I turned 20 and except for a few years when I went home with the kids and my husband for Christmas in, in Boston, I have not. My, my Christmas was my family, that is my husband, my three children. No, I just realized that's a big difference. And then my. May God rest their weary souls would come. They would rotate among the three, their three children. And so every third year they would come and spend Christmas with us, but.
Susan
They wouldn't stop in the morning or anything. Like if you weren't going to the parents house, you go for like a.
Kathy
Quick no, no, the parents didn't live here. That's what I'm saying. The parents, that's what I'm saying. We, we lived in Houston, we lived in Austin, we lived in Georgia. We lived in different places. So we made Christmas our tradition. I just, I don't know where that. So I get it. It's a little more difficult for you and I'm sure for lots of families it's more difficult.
Susan
It is. But you know what, we could talk all day about this. It's coming very, very soon. So we really got to get going. And that will do it for today's episode of Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks everybody for listening.
Kathy
Thanks so much for everyone for joining us today. We hope that you are almost ready for your holiday. Whatever holiday you're celebrating, get ready because you don't have much time left anyway. Be sure to follow Bachelor Happy Hour as we do have new episodes coming out every week that you won't like.
Susan
And we want to hear how the holiday went. Make sure to submit your questions to us and you remember how to do it. BachelorNation.com Golden Hour or hit us up on Social at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Kathy
Listen to Bachelor Happy Hour's Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Have a great week.
Susan
Happy Holiday.
Kathy
And Doug, here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.
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Kathy
Cut the camera, they see us.
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This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.
Date: December 17, 2025
Hosts: Kathy & Susan
In this special holiday episode of "Bachelor Happy Hour: Golden Hour," Kathy and Susan navigate the complexities of the season: holiday traditions, navigating grief, family drama, gift-giving etiquette, and blending cultural and religious customs. The hosts share personal anecdotes—with plenty of humor and heartfelt moments—offering both practical advice and emotional support for listeners facing the ups and downs of the holidays.
(03:59–07:14)
Memorable Quote:
“Darling, 'no' is a complete sentence. Hey, we're gonna do it at your house this year. Yeah, see, so stop, stop bitching and moaning because... it’s tradition.” – Kathy (06:57)
(07:14–12:08, 17:24–18:45)
Notable Moment:
Kathy shares the story of bequeathing a cherished handmade nativity set to her son—the joy and sadness it evoked, and the meaning in generational tradition.
“It’s sad and happy at the same time. I think the way I deal with grief at the holidays is to allow myself to be sad, you know, when I am.” – Kathy (09:04)
Susan reinforces the importance of reflection:
“Grief also, a lot of times this time of the year, people pass. ...It is a fact during the holiday season.” – Susan (09:34)
(18:45–22:35)
Quotable Advice:
“Set your holidays up for success. Set expectations early... Now if I could go back and do it, that would be what I would do.” – Kathy (21:36)
(22:35–27:32, 33:21–33:56)
Quotes:
“If I were dating a man for two months at Christmas... I would expect some kind of gift at Christmas. I would.” – Kathy (22:56)
“I like surprising people with [gifts]. And it doesn’t have to be something of value, right?” – Susan (23:33)
“If you’re going to have the conversation, maybe you should put a limit, an amount.” – Susan (33:21)
(33:56–39:53)
Funny Exchange:
“I honestly think traditions are meant to be broken. And I know that sounds crazy. I like bringing in some new surprises every year.” – Kathy (39:53)
(40:10–43:49)
Would You “Switch” Christmas? The hosts discuss whether, for a serious relationship, they’d skip their usual family gathering to spend Christmas with a partner’s family.
Different Perspectives: Susan wouldn’t leave her own kids on Christmas:
“I would never leave my children on Christmas. I would do it on Thanksgiving or Easter or New Year’s, but I won’t leave on Christmas.” – Susan (40:48)
Kathy is more open:
“If I met the guy that I was...that I just couldn’t wait to wake up next to...I would absolutely [spend Christmas with his family].” (42:30)
(43:49–47:32)
Letting Go: Many families experience a shift as adult children take over hosting duties. Kathy describes how her daughter now hosts Christmas dinner:
“It’s like passing the baton, which you have not done...” – Kathy (44:44)
Susan’s Hesitation: Susan is more reluctant, cherishing the joy of having extended family under one roof, but acknowledges the importance of letting the next generation build their own traditions.
A Big Difference: Their family histories shape their perspectives—Susan and most of her family live locally, while Kathy's immediate family bonds were built far from her childhood home due to moves after marriage.
Kathy and Susan’s warmth, candor, and friendship make the episode a relatable, therapeutic listen for anyone bracing for holiday turbulence. From honoring memories and managing grief, to embracing change in family traditions and handling unavoidable drama, their insights encourage both self-compassion and intentionality. As always, the hosts find laughter amid the chaos, proving that the real magic of the holidays lies in connection, flexibility, and love.