Demi Burnett: Sometimes You Have to Kill the Vibe | Golden Hour

Summary

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Bachelor Happy Hour — Demi Burnett: Sometimes You Have to Kill the Vibe | Golden Hour

Hosts: Kathy, Susan, and guest Demi Burnett
Release Date: May 8, 2026
Podcast: Bachelor Happy Hour (iHeartPodcasts and Warner Bros)

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Episode Overview

In this lively, candid episode, the “Golden Hour” crew—Kathy and Susan—sit down with Bachelor Nation favorite Demi Burnett for part two of their conversation. Through listener questions and a hilarious, no-holds-barred “Am I the Problem?” dating game, Demi dishes out her signature unfiltered advice on boundaries, attachment styles, modern dating woes, and how to unapologetically own who you are (even if that means “killing the vibe”). The episode is brimming with relatable anecdotes, tough love, and some sharp observations about dating dynamics for women at every age.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting Boundaries in Dating

(03:33–05:07)

• Listener Q: Bisexual woman asks how to set boundaries with men who don’t take her sexuality seriously, without “killing the vibe.”
• Demi’s Take:
  • “Set your boundary. Like, ‘Hey, this isn’t a fantasy and I don’t like that.’ And if it kills the vibe, okay, who cares?” (04:02)
  • “If the person doesn’t respect this, then I leave. There is no me trying to convince you.”
• Hosts echo that this advice applies to all relationships.

2. The "Situationships" Cycle

(05:15–10:13)

• Listener Q: Chelsea from LA is stuck in almost-relationships where things are great until the “relationship talk,” after which guys pull away.
• Demi:
  • “You immediately give up giving them the benefit of the doubt. Immediately out of their benefit of the doubt, gone.” (06:05)
  • “Every man should be proving to you how he isn’t like the others…”
  • If a guy wants commitment, “he’s going to say it to you… without you ever having to question it.”
• Hosts debate if women should slow down, have “the talk,” or walk away.
• Demi’s final word: “The second you’re wondering if you need to give them the benefit of the doubt… is when you need to back it up.” (09:31)

3. Attachment Styles & Intimacy Anxieties

(10:40–12:39)

• Listener Q: Anna from SF says she only wants what feels uncertain; once someone shows interest, she runs.
• Demi:
  • “It’s called avoidant attachment style. All right, look into it.” (11:15)
  • “Closeness makes me want to run. I value my freedom very, very much.”
  • Advice: “If you become aware of it… you can explain it to other people… maybe say, ‘Hey, I’m avoidant, it’s not you.’” (12:11)

4. “Dating Feels Like a Job Interview”

(16:53–19:28)

• Listener Q: Maxi says dating no longer feels fun, just stressful and intentional.
• Hosts:
  • Susan relates—she rarely thought long-term; Kathy diagnoses this as “anxious attachment.”
• Demi:
  • “My avoidant attachment style is being triggered… I don’t know what’s going on with her!” (17:55)
  • Advice: “Just slow down, enjoy the moment… expect nothing, low expectations. Then all.”
  • Classic Demi: “If you could be a lesbian it would be great, because they are too hot… Lesbians love that shit.” (18:58)
• Hosts agree: Try to have fun rather than overthinking compatibility immediately.

5. “Am I The Problem?” Game — Real Talk on Dating Habits

(19:56–36:09)

• Premise: Demi weighs in on a series of potentially problematic dating behaviors.
• Highlights:
  • Double texting issues: “She’s the problem.” (But maybe neither person is if no real interest was there.) (21:11)
  • Picking fights for “passion”: “That’s toxic.” (21:45)
  • Checking Instagram before agreeing to a date: Respectful detective work, not a problem if it’s about values. (22:13–22:30)
  • Playing games despite hating them: “You’re nasty. Stop that. You’re the problem.” (22:59)
  • Only matching with emotionally unavailable people: “Well, yes.” Any man “above a seven… they are nothing but trouble.” (23:18–24:17)
  • Rejecting someone for their zodiac sign: “Yeah, probably. Yeah, you’re the problem.” (25:02)
  • Saying “it’s fine” when it’s not: “Be direct. You’re the problem, because people are not mind readers.” (26:08)
  • Comparing everyone to their ex: “Yeah, you’re the problem.” (27:20)
  • Saying you love spontaneous plans but actually getting annoyed: “Hell yeah you are [the problem], because you don’t like spontaneous plans.” (27:45)
  • Expecting your date to plan everything: Demi: “No [not a problem]. If it’s he, yes. If it’s she, no.” Cue laughter at this double standard. (28:43)
  • Ghosting when the vibe is off: Ghosting is common but wrong, especially in ongoing relationships. (33:48–36:09)
    • “Ghosting is wrong especially… in a relationship, if you feel the vibe is off and you’re in a relationship, then you are the problem because you have not gone and told the person what the problem is, why.” (35:06)

6. Rants, Reflections, and Cultural Critiques

(36:09–42:19)

• Why is dating so hard now?
  • Demi: “The dating pool is amazing for men right now. They are reaping the benefits.” (37:10–37:26)
  • Best advice: “Stop being so accessible to them… If you’re not accessible, they [lose] interest immediately.”
• How to “fix” dating culture?
  • Kathy: Teach boys to respect women early—“never say, ‘boys will be boys.’” (39:05)
  • Demi: “You should be raising your boys to worship women because women are everything to them.” (39:26)
  • “Women have… we’re smarter, everything better. And they need to understand our value and respect us as such.” (39:44)
• Acknowledge good men exist, but… “They’re either married, chasing younger women, or dead.” (40:23)

7. Life Without Men? On Being Happy Single

(41:00–41:21)

• Demi: “I could not imagine sharing my space… that sounds like a nightmare to me. I mean, no, no, no. A wife… I would love nothing more than a wife.”
• Kathy and Susan agree: “I think all three of us are very good on our own. We’re very happy.”
• On dating apps: Raya is fine, but Demi barely uses it.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Set your boundary. If it kills the vibe, okay, who cares? You’re gonna kill the vibe. In life, sometimes it happens.”—Demi Burnett [04:02]
• “Every man should be proving to you how he isn’t like the others…”—Demi Burnett [06:05]
• “It’s called avoidant attachment style. All right, look into it.”—Demi Burnett [11:15]
• “If you could be a lesbian, it would be great, because they are too hot. Lesbians love that shit.”—Demi Burnett [18:58]
• “Any man above a seven… they are nothing but trouble. Because every woman is feeling that way and is just going to… give it to me. Pathetic, you know what I mean?”—Demi Burnett [24:10]
• “Ghosting is wrong… especially in a relationship.”—Kathy [35:06]
• “The dating pool is amazing for men right now… Stop being so accessible to them.”—Demi Burnett [37:10–37:26]
• “You should be raising your boys to worship women because women are everything to them.”—Demi Burnett [39:26]
• On being single:
  • “I could not imagine sharing my space… that sounds like a nightmare to me… I would love nothing more than a wife.”—Demi Burnett [41:00–41:21]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Listener Q&A, Setting Boundaries: 03:33–05:15
• Situationships & Noncommittal Dating: 05:15–10:13
• Attachment Styles & Intimacy: 10:40–12:39
• Dating Feels Like a Job Interview: 16:53–19:28
• "Am I The Problem?" Game: 19:56–36:09
• Reflections on Dating Culture & Gender Dynamics: 36:09–42:19
• Being Happily Single & Final Reflections: 41:00–43:10

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Episode Tone & Style

• Energetic, irreverent, and unfiltered: Demi brings her trademark sass but also deep self-awareness.
• Supportive, women-centric wisdom: The hosts and guest root for listeners to prioritize self-respect, healthy boundaries, and joy in the dating process.
• Laughter, honesty, and “real talk”: Plenty of callouts for toxic dating habits, but always with an undercurrent of encouragement and empowerment.

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Final Thoughts

Bachelor Happy Hour’s “Golden Hour” delivers an episode packed with relatable real talk, laughs, and permission to ditch what’s not working—whether that’s a dead-end dating situation or the need to please. Demi Burnett reminds listeners: own your boundaries, know your attachment style, expect respect, and don’t be afraid to “kill the vibe” if it isn’t serving you. The central message: There’s wisdom, strength, and joy in growth—even (and especially) in the mess of modern dating.

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Transcript

[Demi]

This is an iHeart podcast.

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[Kathy]

Hey, everybody. We're back for part two with Demi. Let's get right into it. So every week, Demi, we do some bachelor, we do some questions, and from our listeners and we give them some expert golden advice. You are not a golden, but we would love you to join in.

[Demi]

I'm a golden head.

[Kathy]

Yeah. Okay. So are you ready to join in when we give these questions?

[Demi]

Sure.

[Kathy]

All right, go for it, Susan. Go.

[Susan]

All right, here's the first one. Hi, Kathy and Susan and Demi. I love your podcast so much. Anyway, I'm bisexual, and I've noticed when I date men, they sometimes treat it like a fantasy or don't take it seriously. It makes me feel misunderstood. How do I set boundaries around that without it killing the vibe early on? And her name is Candace, and she's from Vermont.

[Demi]

Kansas. My Kansas. Candice, my love. Candace, my love. I think you, like, you can say, like, set your boundary. Like, hey, this isn't a fantasy, and I don't like that. And if it kills the vibe, okay, who cares? You're gonna kill the vibe. In life, sometimes it happens. And if the person, though, doesn't respond to that, well, then see ya, bucko. See ya. That the boundary is if you don't respect this, then I leave. There is no me trying to convince you because there you cannot convince someone. Like, no, you have the respect. The self respect comes from, like, walking away when someone else is not respecting you after you've asked.

[Kathy]

And you know what I love about what you just said, Demi? That that extends beyond bisexual polyamorous. It doesn't matter what we're talking about. Mutual respect, Everything you just said, appropriate boundaries, mutual respect that's in any relationship. And hit the road, bucko, for any. Any of those reasons, not just bisexual. So yay you. I love that.

[Demi]

Hell, yeah.

[Kathy]

All right, Candace, let us know.

[Susan]

We want to hear what happens unapologetically, authentically, yourself.

[Kathy]

There you go. All right, here's the next one. My girls. And now you're one of us, Tammy. I feel like I'm stuck in this cycle of almost relationships. I'll meet someone. We hit it off immediately.

[Dietz and Watson Advertiser]

We.

[Kathy]

We're texting all day, going on dates, sleeping over. It feels like a relationship in every way except the title. And then around the two to three month mark, they pull back or say they're not ready. It's happened three times in a row now. I can't tell if I'm picking the wrong people or if I'm doing something that makes them not want to commit. At what point do you stop doing giving someone the benefit of the doubt and just walk away? And this is from Chelsea in Los Angeles. So what do you think, Demi? What do you say, Chelsea?

[Demi]

You immediately give. Give up. Giving them the benefit of the doubt. Immediately out of their benefit of the doubt, gone. Every man should be proving to you how he isn't like the others, because he should know that. That how they are all acting right now. And it's like that. It's. They're so sketchy and they don't give you clear answers. And it's all them just trying to do this with multiple women. And it's. It's gross and it's confusing for us. So men should be aware of that and be like, okay, I'm going to show her how I'm not like that. Because she, you know, the second a woman shows, like, a sign of an insecurity or something, it's like, oh, yeah, I understand why you think that. Because every guy out here is a dirtbag, treating you like you aren't really a human and you're just like, there for his pleasure. But I'm not like, here's how I don't want to do that.

[Kathy]

Okay, wait, I want to be.

[Susan]

You should ask a question. Are we in a real. Like, when do you. She's guessing until the end. Like, I didn't get that.

[Kathy]

Yeah.

[Susan]

How does she. Should you have a conversation about, are we in a committed relationship?

[Demi]

No. No.

[Susan]

So when do you.

[Demi]

He's not doing that. If he's not doing that, then just stop. Stop immediately. Immediately stop all communication. And he'll probably start crawling on his hands and knees begging for you back if you all of a sudden, like. Like cold ghost him. But chances are he might actually, if you're in la, he's got another vagina he's planning later.

[Kathy]

Okay, but wait, Demi. God, do you love how much she loves men? I can't get. I just. It is seeping through every comment you make. Your love of all things male. But here's my question. If. If I'm just gonna play devil's advocate, like I do with Susan a lot. If Chelsea. Is that her name? Chelsea? If Chelsea is, quote unquote, sleeping with the Guy texting, cooking for him, going on dates. I hate to be the old golden hair, you know, why should he buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free? Like, if she's doing all that, she's giving him everything he wants with nothing in return. So. Yeah, well, yeah, but that. But I think Susan's right. She needs to either slow her role and not be, you know, so eager to please or have the conversation. Look, we're going on dates. We're sleeping together. We spend a lot of time at each other's places. Are we in a committed relationship? I think you have to have that conversation.

[Demi]

I think communication, the guy, if the guy has that in mind, he's going to say it to you. He's going to bring it up without you ever having to question it. Like, I really.

[Susan]

The men today, Demi.

[Demi]

Well, I'm talking about the last relationship I was in. He loved bomb the shit out of me. But. But, I mean, I never. I never questioned ever what we were, how he felt about me, anything like that. And it was because he really wanted me. And he wanted me to feel secure and wanted me. Probably because he wanted me to make him feel that way.

[Dietz and Watson Advertiser]

Oh, God, you're so smart, Demi. You're so smart.

[Demi]

You spend a lot of time by yourself, you know, getting to know what's wrong with you or, like, what's going on in your brain. And it helps you. It helps you not only, like, understand yourself, but, like I said, others and have a lot of compassion. It's like you understand why people are in a bad mood. You know, you're not just like, wow, that person's a jerk. You're like, this has nothing to do with me.

[Kathy]

Yeah, most things don't.

[Susan]

At what point do you stop giving someone the benefit of the doubt and

[Kathy]

walk away when you feel it's time?

[Demi]

I think that the second you're wondering if you need to give them the benefit of the doubt or not is when you need to back it up.

[Susan]

You need to back it up, you start questioning yourself. Just like you said earlier. When you're starting to question. Excuse me. Like you said about Taylor, maybe that's why she took all those roses back. When she starts getting in her own head, why is that person making me feel this way? You know, I'm feeling the certain way because of then. Exactly.

[Demi]

Yeah. Because I know that feeling. And I can. I get that feeling. I'm out.

[Kathy]

All right, we got Chelsea. You got to let us know if. Demi, if you took our advice and you're Out. Like Demi said, I think, let us know, Chelsea.

[Demi]

And Chelsea, no more cooking for people unless they have seriously committed to you. Like, agree on it.

[Susan]

Yeah. You go like, I love to cook for people. And I'd be like, listen, I don't do this for anybody. So let's sit down and have a conversation.

[Kathy]

And Demi's in my case, we don't do it. Even if the guy puts a 10 carat ring on her hand, that just means I'm gonna make more reservations than I did before.

[Demi]

That means he can afford a private chef for us.

[Kathy]

Damn right. I'm with you, Demi, all the way.

[Susan]

Okay, the next one is from Anna from San Francisco. Hey, my golden queens. I've noticed that I tend to lose interest right after someone starts showing real interest in me. In the beginning, I'm excited and invested, but the second it becomes clear that they like me back, something in me shuts off. It's like I only want what feels uncertain. I know that's probably not healthy, but I don't know how to change it. Where do you even start with something like that?

[Demi]

Oh, baby, let me tell you this. It's called avoidant attachment style. All right, look into it. Look into avoidant attachment style. It'll help you.

[Susan]

It's got the textbook answer.

[Kathy]

Absolutely. Hundred percent. I was thinking, waiting for you to answer them, going, this chick is an avoidant. That's what she is.

[Demi]

I'm an avoidant. So I gave it.

[Kathy]

Yeah.

[Susan]

Is that, like, emotionally unavailable? Is it the same?

[Demi]

It's. It's when people start to become too much and I'm like, oh, like, I just. I want to run away, and I just. It's like my freedom. They value their freedom very, very much. I think for me, it's like, it's like my autonomy. I all of a sudden get scared that I'm, like, going to be emotionally responsible for someone and I'm like, I don't. I don't want to have to do that. Or, like, just. I can make up any excuse. It's just like, closeness makes me want to run.

[Kathy]

Yep.

[Susan]

What's your suggestion to help her?

[Demi]

Well, she. If you become aware of it, it helps a lot just knowing that, like, why you're doing it and then you can explain it to other people as well. Like, if you're in a relationship with someone and you do think this is a good person for you, or you're, like, starting to get in a relationship, but you feel that feeling, you can maybe explain, hey, I'm an avoidant attachment style. Like it's not you. I promise. This is not personal. But like, here's maybe how you can help me. Like give me some space for the next few days. You know, maybe make me miss you. You know, like work with me on it.

[Susan]

Right?

[Kathy]

Yeah. I think, Demi, you are 100% right on the money. So, Anna, find out what an avoidant is and you might get the answers to your question.

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[Kathy]

The last one is from Maxi in Arizona. Hi Kathy and Susan and Demi. I'm 34 and I swear dating used to feel fun, but now every date feels like a job interview within 10 minutes. I'm thinking about long term compatibility, values, kids, timelines and I can feel myself getting anxious instead of just enjoying the person in front of me. I don't want to waste time, but I also feel like I'm running the experience for myself. How do you balance being intentional without putting so much pressure on every single day?

[Susan]

I'll answer first.

[Demi]

Go ahead.

[Susan]

For me it was quite the opposite. I never thought about future. I was always in the Moment. And a lot of times I should have thought further because it didn't work out, but it's quite the opposite of what she's doing.

[Kathy]

Well, I think this, Demi, is called anxious attack attachment.

[Demi]

Yeah.

[Kathy]

And there is one. You know, she gets anxious, so the minute she meets somebody, she's. She's glomming on to them.

[Demi]

Maxi, I think you know what's happening to me. My avoidant attachment style is being triggered, and I'm literally, like, going into shock. I was like, I don't know what's going on with her. I don't like it at all.

[Kathy]

Yeah, I mean, she's. This is my guess. She's 34. She. She. She feels like it's a job interview. Because I think what she's not saying is, for her, it is a job interview. She's looking for the guy to mate, to have kids, to build a life with. And she's feeling the time pressure, being 34 maybe, to have kids. And so she. That's the anxious attachment. I got to do this. I got to do it now. If I don't do it now, it's not going to work. I'm not going to do it. That's anxious attachment.

[Susan]

When you go on a date, though, you want to see if you're compatible, Right. You want to see if you're having fun.

[Kathy]

But that's what she's saying within 10 minutes, Susan, she's thinking about those things, which to me is. Is she's jumping the gun because she needs that attachment. She's looking for that guy to attach to. And as opposed to an avoidant, she's the exact opposite. She's running to the altar, and he

[Susan]

may run because of it.

[Demi]

Yeah, maybe Suggestion. Could. Could. If you could be a lesbian, it would be great, because they are too hot.

[Susan]

That is.

[Demi]

Lesbians love that shit.

[Kathy]

There you go, Maxi. You could be anything you want to be.

[Demi]

Really. Just, like, slow down, enjoy the moment, and just go into all of it knowing, like, hey, this might be a bust, but who cares? It's a free meal. Yeah, let's just think about that. This might, just might be a bust. Like, expect nothing. Low expectations. Then all.

[Kathy]

I love it. I love it. All right, Maxi, let us know how it goes. We. We really hope that, you know, you. You find the guy and that. And that job interview turns into a something else. Yeah. Okay. All right. You can submit your burning questions to us by. All you have to do is go to bachelor nation.com golden hour. Come back each week. We love answering your questions. And who knows? We may answer your question.

[Susan]

Absolutely. Okay. You ready? Am I the problem? This week, Demi is going to help us play a game called am I the problem? We're going to give you some dating situations, and she has to tell us whether that person is the problem or not.

[Dietz and Watson Advertiser]

Are you with us?

[Demi]

Yeah. I love it. I'm excited.

[Susan]

Okay. I stopped texting back because they didn't double text, first of all. Wait, what is a double text?

[Kathy]

You write a text, they don't answer, you send another text. That's a double text. Instead of waiting for them to respond, you send multiple texts.

[Susan]

So I stopped texting back.

[Kathy]

In other words, Susan, you write a guy a text and you say, hey, how you doing today? He doesn't answer back. So then you say, are you busy today? That's double texting. And so the woman stops texting because he's not responding.

[Demi]

I think that he. He double. Or she. She's upset that he didn't double text her.

[Kathy]

Right, Right. It's exact. I gave the opposite example. But, yes, he didn't do what she wanted.

[Demi]

Yes. Yes.

[Kathy]

Right?

[Demi]

Yes. Yes.

[Kathy]

Who's the problem?

[Demi]

I mean, she's the problem.

[Kathy]

There you go.

[Demi]

But I'm also like, maybe no one's a problem because what's. What happened? Like, did no one end up ever texting again? Because maybe. Maybe then she did the right thing because now she saved them both from an incompatible relationship.

[Susan]

Quite possibly.

[Kathy]

All right, here's the next one. I like that. I like that. Dummy. Okay, I've been on. So is this person the problem or not? I've been on three dates with this person, and they're great on paper, but I don't feel a spark. So I keep picking fights to see if there's passion.

[Susan]

Picking fights.

[Demi]

That's toxic.

[Susan]

She's the problem.

[Kathy]

Yeah, well, we don't know. It could be a guy. Whoever you are, person, you are the problem.

[Demi]

Knock it off.

[Kathy]

Raise your hand if we agree. Everyone's hands going up here.

[Susan]

Okay. I checked their Instagram. Oh, I checked their Instagram following before agreeing to the date.

[Demi]

Really? Here's the thing. I kind of think, though, that I respect a detective. A detective. You know, like someone doing their detective work. Like, I mean, I.

[Susan]

Okay, so if they have a huge following, you'll go on the date, but if they don't, you're like, oh, Oh.

[Demi]

I thought that they meant. I thought that they meant that they looked at their following. Oh, say. I want to say I'm going on a date with a guy, and I'M gonna go look at his following to make sure he's not following Donald Trump before I go on a date. That's what I mean. That's where I'm like, well, this is smart. This is actually could be very smart. Not the problem at all, actually.

[Kathy]

I like it. All right, how about the next one? I told them I hate games, but I definitely play them to keep things interesting.

[Demi]

You're nasty. Stop that. You're the problem.

[Susan]

Yes, I agree.

[Kathy]

Debbie, I love you.

[Demi]

I love you.

[Susan]

I complain that I can't find a good partner, but I only swipe right on emotionally unavailable people. Am I the problem?

[Demi]

Well, yes.

[Susan]

How does she know they're emotionally unavailable?

[Demi]

Well, they're emotionally unavailable. That's the thing. All right? Any man above a seven. Forget about it. Forget about it. They are.

[Kathy]

Wait, Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. Wait. Explain what that means. Any man above a seven.

[Demi]

They have the world handed to them at this point. Okay? If you're, like, an attractive mailman, it is a rare commodity. All right? Us women, we are so beautiful. All of us are beautiful, okay? All of us are considered a 10 in this room. All right? We can all be a 10. But a man, oh, he. We're lucky if we're getting a six. You know, like, the bachelorette group of guys, there's, like, maybe 19 in there every now and then, but, like, they're all pretty mid. Like, there aren't but the bachelor ladies, the most beautiful women you've ever seen in your life.

[Susan]

That's true.

[Kathy]

I can tell you. The golden men are mid. I mean, Susan, we weren't rolling over for that. That.

[Demi]

Okay, men are mid. Men are mid. So when there is an attractive man, like, one who. I'm like, oh, wow, he's so hot. Oh, I know. He is nothing but trouble. Because every woman is feeling that way and is just going to. I mean, my legs open. Give it to me. Like, pathetic. You know what I mean?

[Susan]

You are the problem. And you better go for seven or under says, yeah, yeah, yeah. Better luck.

[Kathy]

Oh, God. Okay. This one is too good because I don't know. The only zodiac sign I know is my own. I lost interest after finding out their zodiac sign problems.

[Demi]

I mean, yeah, probably. Yeah, you're the problem. Sorry. I was just thinking about it. I was like, what zodiac sign am I disgusted by enough that it would turn me off? And I couldn't think of one. So, yeah, they're the problem.

[Kathy]

Jimmy's going through month by month. Yep. Nope. Yep.

[Demi]

I'm thinking I'm like, would any of those really turn me off? You know the one I kind of got. I got a little caught up on Capricorn, but that was only because the corn was in it. And then I was like, I love Capricorns. I know so many that I love.

[Susan]

Or. Or you're thinking, like, maybe your ex was a certain sign. You find out this one's the same sign. That's the only way. I wouldn't even think about that.

[Demi]

Yeah, so I think you're the problem. I've had so many different experiences with people that are the same signs that it's like. It has more to just do with that zodiac sign. You know, you gotta look at the big three. What's the rising? Where's the moon?

[Susan]

Okay.

[Kathy]

That's why I don't do it. Wait. That's why I don't do it. You hear what she said? The moon, the rising, the. The seventh sun. I'm like, it's too complicated. Just tell me when your birthday is, and I'll send you a card. That's all. We're done.

[Susan]

Okay. I say it's fine when it's not fine.

[Demi]

Gotta be direct. You're the problem. You gotta be direct because people are not mind readers. You cannot expect people to know what you're thinking and to do what you are expecting them to do, because you would do that. Like, you have to tell them.

[Susan]

Isn't that one of our laws, to be true to ourselves?

[Dietz and Watson Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Susan]

How do you expect to find happiness if you're not true to yourself, true to your word?

[Kathy]

Well, I think a lot of people here. I agree with you, Demi, what you said, But I think a lot, and I hate to say it, it's mostly women. They're insecure, and they say, it's fine. I'm good. It's fine. When really, they're so pissed off, so disappointed, so angry, whatever.

[Demi]

The emotion is trained to not be a problem. Women have been trained to solve problems, to fix everything, to manage the house. Like, to be the fixer. And it's not to ever disrupt things and to cause problems. We're trained to stay in line. And, like, I mean, it's very. It's not obvious, but it's ingrained in our culture, in our society. Yeah.

[Kathy]

We are pretty amazing, aren't we, though? We do fix problems.

[Demi]

We are more amazing than man in every way. Like, you're right.

[Susan]

I compare everyone I date to my ex.

[Demi]

Yeah, you're the problem.

[Kathy]

Yes.

[Susan]

Agree. Go ahead, Kathy.

[Kathy]

Okay. I told them, oh, this is me. I told them I loved spontaneous plans. Oh, no. I don't get annoyed. Okay, let me start over here. I told them I loved spontaneous plans, but every time they make one, I get annoyed because I already had a routine. Am I the problem? Hell, yeah, you are.

[Demi]

Because you don't like spontaneous plans.

[Kathy]

That's exactly. Yeah. Stop saying you like it. You don't. I love. I love spontaneous plants. Yeah, exactly.

[Susan]

To get surprised. To do something like. Yes.

[Demi]

Yeah, but, like, spontaneous and routine are polar opposites. So not like spontaneous.

[Susan]

I expect them to plan every date. Show me a woman that expects that.

[Demi]

Me. Because that's why we're single. Because they won't, and I'm not settling for less. All right, they better have something.

[Susan]

I like to plan them, because then you do something I want to do.

[Demi]

I tell them what I want to do. I say I want to do something fun, like a physical activity. Like, we can go to Putt Putt, where you go to amusement park. We can do anything like that. Or go painting or like, something. Don't. I can't sit there at the restaurant with you. Please.

[Susan]

So I expect them to plan every date. Is she the problem?

[Demi]

No.

[Kathy]

Or he. It could be a male.

[Demi]

If it's he, yes. If it's she, no.

[Susan]

Oh, God. You kidding me?

[Kathy]

There's no double standards with Demi. Let me just say I find it very attractive if a man plans dates. But what I find irritating, and this has happened to me many times, men, you know, they say one thing and do another, right? Oh, I love to do spontaneous dates. I love to do hike, and I love to play golf. And you're dating them? They're like, no, they really don't. They just. I don't. You know, they don't really want to go play golf or hike because, you know, their feet hurt.

[Demi]

They.

[Kathy]

Their golf clubs are rusty. You know, they got 100 excuses. I don't know. That's been my experience.

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Susan]

Last but not least, I ghost it because the vibe felt off. But I can't explain why.

[Demi]

I mean, no, you don't ghost. I mean, but, but I, I had. I. I did ghost someone recently. Because recently, not. It was a few years ago. A few years ago, okay, Because I found out one of my friends sent me a tweet of like, something about him doing something like hooking up with some girl on another show.

[Susan]

Okay, so you couldn't cancel it. You just ghost. Have you ever been ghosted?

[Demi]

Actually, I said. I said I read some unsavory things about you online. Okay, well, that's why I'm not interested in hanging out today.

[Susan]

That's not ghosting then. Ghosting is not showing up. Right.

[Demi]

Well, then he didn't reply to any messages after that.

[Kathy]

I think it depends how long I will say, susan, I have ghosted men, but it's only like, we had one talk and for me, one phone conversation, whatever. And to me, the vibe feels off. So I say, okay, you know, I've got to run. And then I block them. I'm out. I. I don't. I don't feel like I, I don't feel like I owe a man an

[Susan]

explanation, if not just from one.

[Kathy]

No. But in a relationship, if you feel the vibe is off and you're in a relationship, then you are the problem because you have not gone and told the person what the problem is, what your problem is, why?

[Demi]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Susan]

And I think being ghosted is the most uncomfortable feeling because you don't know why. I'd rather. It's so easy in today's world. You send a chat. You know, I just don't feel a spark or move along. Right, whatever. It's just too easy to have someone question themselves. Like, why would he do that to me? Or why would she do that to me? I think that's mean.

[Demi]

Well, it is mean, but, like, in dating culture, it is. Everyone's very hardened to that. Like, it's. It's. People just. They think that that's normal and fine and okay. So, like, everyone has already, like, been damaged and traumatized with going through that so many times, and everyone's just doing it to each other. It's just. It's a toxic wrong. It is wrong. Ghosting is wrong. Ghosting is very wrong, especially.

[Kathy]

Wait, can we do another podcast with you, Demi, about all the things that are wrong in today's dating culture? Because we could go on for two hours about.

[Susan]

We should go live with Demi one night and just talk.

[Kathy]

I'm just saying between what you have said, Demi, about your own dating experiences, what we have experienced, you know, these. These. Am I the problem? Prompts, like, the dating world is screwed up right now.

[Demi]

It is from 30 to all the way up. I don't know how. How old of men you're willing to

[Kathy]

date, but if they're above ground, Demi,

[Susan]

they're breathing, ambulatory.

[Kathy]

I don't ask for much even, you know, just. Just. I don't care.

[Susan]

But how do you fix it?

[Demi]

We have to stop giving them access, stop being so accessible to them. If you're. If you're not accessible to them, they interest immediately. Like, they are just. They're.

[Kathy]

They're.

[Demi]

They're easy creatures to figure out. But for me, I'm just really not attracted to any of them that haven't figured it out already. And none of them really have seemed to figure it out. They. Because they are reaping the benefits of the dating pool because it works for them. The dating pool is amazing for men right now.

[Kathy]

Wait, can I just say, Demi, you. You are so right. Well, this has been.

[Susan]

This has been awesome.

[Kathy]

Debbie, you. I don't care what you think about men or women or dating. I think you really give some good advice. You're very insightful. You're lovely. You're a really interesting person, and I have personally have enjoyed getting to know you a little bit better. And if we do a show together, the three of us, I promise you, Susan and I will fight over who's bringing you food. Okay? You will not have to worry.

[Susan]

Let me just tell you, I'll be bringing both of you food. Okay, Just don't. Don't believe that line.

[Kathy]

I can bring her food.

[Susan]

Well, if it involves cooking it.

[Demi]

So you'll cook the food and she'll give it to me.

[Kathy]

There you go. I'll be the food runner.

[Susan]

This has been awesome.

[Demi]

Thank you, restaurant. We're just playing.

[Susan]

But seriously, Kathy and I'll come live on you anytime you want. If you want to talk about the dating thing, maybe we could get across to somebody, at least one person, if we touch one person that's doing something.

[Kathy]

And you know what, Susan? Go ahead, Debbie.

[Demi]

Well, it's helpful for women to see. To know that, like, you are. You can be okay by yourself. And it's scary, but, like, it is so empowering. And it is actually the happiest you will ever be because when you are with a man, it is no longer about you. And that sucks.

[Susan]

It should be, though.

[Demi]

It should be. And some women, some women have their men trained right? And those women, they need more exposure. We need to get them on all the platforms. We need to see men acting right.

[Kathy]

And can I tell you how you asked Susan? How do we get men? You know how we do it. All you moms out there that are listening, that are raising little boys, raise your boys to be respectful, kind human beings and never say, oh, boys will be boys, as they throw a snowball at a girl's head and, you know, maim her for life.

[Demi]

Exactly. You should be raising your boys to worship women because women are everything to them. Not only did they birth them, but they're taking care of them. And like, without them, it would be. This world would be like, there would be no world.

[Susan]

There wouldn't be a world. They would. They can't reproduce.

[Demi]

Exactly, exactly. But. But women have. We are so much kinder. Like, we have. We're more. We're smarter. We are everything better. And they need to understand our value and respect us as such.

[Kathy]

But it doesn't start. But it doesn't start when they're 20 or 30. That's what I'm saying. Moms, pay attention. It starts with how you raise your sons.

[Susan]

And I was a lot of good, good, decent men out there. Where are they happen to be taken.

[Demi]

Exactly. I am friends with some. I'm friends with men. I know, if you believe it or not. But I have very good friends that are men and they are my friends. Husbands and stuff like that.

[Susan]

Yes, exactly.

[Kathy]

Wait, can I just tell you what someone just told me the other day when I was kvetching about not having anyone to date? They said, kathy, you are fabulous. Here's the problem. Really good men are either married or chasing younger women or dead.

[Demi]

Well, send them my way. All right? If you see a really good man chasing a younger woman and you think,

[Kathy]

do you want an older guy?

[Susan]

You want a 69 year old man?

[Demi]

If I could stomach him. Depends on.

[Susan]

I think all three of us are very good on our own. We're very happy.

[Demi]

I'm. I mean, I could not imagine sharing my space, you know, that's. That sounds like a nightmare to me. I mean. No, no, no. A wife. I'm very interested in a wife that I would love to. I would love nothing more than a

[Susan]

wife because it's two women. You like the same kind of things. You keep house.

[Demi]

It's just, it goes exactly, exactly.

[Kathy]

I want to know, Demi, are you, are you looking, Are you looking for that right now or not? You said no, no, I'm not looking.

[Demi]

I'm on. I'm on Raya. But like my, my membership is just active. I don't like go scrolling on there. But like every now and then like I'll get a notification that someone liked me or something or me and my friends will go scrolling through and see

[Susan]

they didn't accept me.

[Kathy]

Me neither.

[Demi]

I could send them recommendations.

[Kathy]

I think we're too old.

[Susan]

That's. The pool isn't big enough for us.

[Demi]

I'm sure there's. There's old men on there.

[Kathy]

Oh, great. Don't you love it, Susan? We need.

[Demi]

It's what I'm talking about. When men, they act like women are. We're all equal here. No, we're not. You're letting in old, old men that are probably. Who knows the age. You can go up really high on the age. I'm going to go in there and find me a super old man and I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to raise hell. I'm going to say, why? Why are you letting in this guy who's on the brink of death, but not Susan and Kathy.

[Kathy]

Hey, I say vote for Demi. That's what I say. Demi, you need to rule the world. Vote for Demi.

[Susan]

I love it.

[Demi]

Thank you. Debbie for president you know, there was a sign that said that my Bachelor was women tell all. And someone had a sign that said W for president.

[Kathy]

I love that.

[Susan]

How about Spencer?

[Demi]

What the hell, right?

[Susan]

Really political now. Come on.

[Kathy]

Who's Spencer?

[Susan]

Somebody from the show Spencer from the Hill. Anyway, that's gonna wrap it up for us.

[Kathy]

It's a whole other conversation. We're not setting Demi up today.

[Demi]

Yeah. Eyes are rolled into the back of my head.

[Susan]

We love you. We've absolutely.

[Kathy]

You are fabulous. Okay. Well, thank you again, Demi, for joining us on Bachelor Golden Hour.

[Demi]

Thank you for having me.

[Susan]

Make sure to rate us, review us and subscribe wherever you listen to your

[Kathy]

podcast and you can follow us on social media at Bachelor Happy Hour and at Bachelor Nation.

[Susan]

And look for us live on Demi's

[Kathy]

airtime and look for us on the next reality TV show with Demi. We're going to be the three musketeers. But until that happens, we hope you have a great week.

[Dietz and Watson Advertiser]

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[Bowen Yang]

This is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture Research with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. We all know the feeling when life gets really busy. Taking care of yourself can feel impossible. That's why Premier Protein shakes are my go to. They have 30 grams of protein, 160 calories, no added sugar, and they taste amazing. So they're a healthy choice you'll actually want to make. It's not just for fitness, it's for getting after life. Premier Protein powers me to say yes to more. Find your favorite [e-mail] that's P R E M I E R protein.com when

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[Demi]

Guaranteed Human.