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Kathy (3:22)

Why A heartwarming new comedy from James L. Brooks. I'm a different person. I have never in my life felt this way about any other woman. Jesus, I wasn't counting your mother. It's a perfect holiday comedy about an imperfect family.

Susan (3:34)

You can use us Scream Ella.

Kathy (3:36)

Starring Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis. Camille Nanjiani, Iowa. Debery. With Albert Brooks and Woody Harrelson. You should do that every afternoon. Ella McKay rain to PG 13 get tickets now. Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks for joining us today. We are so excited to be back. How are you doing today? Susan?

Susan (4:04)

I am here. I am happy still. I mean, I'm getting a little crazy with the, the holiday. Sneaking up. I organized. Yeah.

Kathy (4:14)

I gotta say, for me, I'm really organized. I've got most of my Christmas shopping done. Done. Yes.

Susan (4:22)

Yeah. Because you bought your son floors for his house. I mean that's a no brainer. You don't have to wrap it. You didn't have to go look for it.

Kathy (4:29)

They look mighty nice, I might add.

Susan (4:30)

I bet.

Kathy (4:31)

I don't feel. I know. Let me just say to you, when you have older children like we all do, it's easy because you know what? They love that five letter word money, money or four letter word cash. They love it. But. But I always try to get something. I can't say my surprises because you know, God forbid my kids listen to this. But I've got a couple of good surprises for my kids grandkids. I don't know about you, but I asked my children.

Susan (5:00)

Oh, they send me lists. The older grandkids meet me.

Kathy (5:04)

This, this. I meant for the younger ones.

Susan (5:06)

Oh, they're so cute. I. That's my problem. I can't stop buying for the little ones. Oh, See, I've got piles like this.

Kathy (5:14)

Oh, they don't ask. So my kids tell me what their kids want and what they need. Yeah, what they need, what they want. And that's what I was too small.

Susan (5:24)

Your two and a half year old's not going to know. Do you remember looking through like the Sears catalog or the Toys R Us pamphlets and they would circle what they wanted?

Kathy (5:34)

Y. I know my seven year old, though, she's definitely old enough. And I asked her the other day, I said, lily, what do you want for Christmas? And actually I loved her answer. She goes, I don't know, Kiki, I don't need anything. And I just thought, oh my God, you're gonna get the world from me. I mean, I loved that answer. She's just. For me, it's time spent. I am taking Lynley with my daughter in law to see the nutcracker this year that my grandmother used to take me. And we're gonna go out for dinner afterwards. You know, she might fall asleep watching it. But that I much prefer to give my grandkids and frankly my children too. Memories, experiences. Because that's what they're going to remember. That's what's going to change, how they grow, how they think. And so I prefer to do that.

Susan (6:27)

Traditions, if you will. It's something that you do special. We go looking at Christmas lights every year to the. It's like a whole night out with the hot chocolate. You freeze your ass off.

Kathy (6:38)

But not in Texas. Honey, you're wearing shorts and a T shirt. Can I just say what just, just for laughs and giggles, what's the temperature where you are today? The high?

Susan (6:48)

It's chilly today. It's probably in the 50s.

Kathy (6:52)

Okay. The highest is going to be in the 50s.

Susan (6:54)

Yeah.

Kathy (6:55)

Our high today is going to be 85.

Susan (6:57)

Of course it is. I remember living in Texas.

Kathy (6:59)

I know, it's crazy. All right, we are going to dive in today. We got a. We're doing a whole nother kind of topic today.

Susan (7:06)

Yes. And we're so excited to talk to all of you.

Kathy (7:09)

Okay, so today we're going to start off talking about all things finances. Or finances, depending on how you pronounce. Oh, boy. I mean, I don't even know what to say because everyone says that what breaks up marriage is money. Most difficult topic is money and children.

Susan (7:34)

Money can't buy happiness.

Kathy (7:36)

Yeah, all those things, you know, you got to get on the same page. So what does. Go ahead.

Susan (7:41)

I was going to say to you, what does talking about finances look like in a relationship? And what questions should you be asking at all stages of relationships or marriage?

Kathy (7:56)

So, again, it's very different. When I got married, I couldn't wait to open a joint checking account and savings account. No, seriously, I paid all the bills. We combined, you know, he had 10 cents and I had a nickel. And we combined that when we got married.

Susan (8:13)

Yeah.

Kathy (8:14)

Today's young couples. I don't know. I know my kids do it differently. Some of them have their own accounts. Some of them join for, you know, join their accounts. What's right. It's what works for the couple. I think when you're younger again, you're saving for homes, you're saving for vacations, you're saving for kids, college education. So all of those conversations have to be had. At our age, it's a whole different.

Susan (8:44)

Conversation, totally different story. But what questions would you be asking?

Kathy (8:51)

Well, I.

Susan (8:52)

How do you want to do the money? Right. Do you want to make us a private account, a joint account, yet we each have our own, and we both put in X amount of dollars into that account to pay the bills, the mortgage, the.

Kathy (9:07)

So what I'd like, or what I do, what I would like is the man to say, kathy, you keep all your money to give to your children. We don't need it. I'll take care of you. I dream about that. But in reality, I think I like your idea, which is combining money for utilities, for trips, for everything.

Susan (9:30)

Let's talk about goldens only, since that's who we are and we're getting into a relationship now, there are questions.

Kathy (9:38)

Okay, what's your first question?

Susan (9:40)

I'm asking you because you're the finance girl here. You did it way smarter than I did. I wish I paid more attention.

Kathy (9:47)

Well, wait, let me just say I had a husband who had a Harvard mba. That helps. Okay, I learned from. I learned from a master. But let me say the first again, if I'm in a relationship, not dating, but if I'm in a relationship with someone and we're talking about a future.

Susan (10:07)

About moving in together or perhaps getting.

Kathy (10:10)

Married or monogamous relationship where we spend five days a week together, whatever it is, I don't care if we maintain our own homes. I'm saying if I am in that serious of a committed relationship. I am. The first question I'm going to ask is, how are we going to manage Our finances going forward. Are we going to live separate but equal lives? Are you going. You know, those are the questions I want the. That is the question I want the answer to, because I'm not going to contribute to his home, if you will, if it's not my home.

Susan (10:49)

Does that make sense if you're living in it, even?

Kathy (10:53)

Not if he owns it.

Susan (10:55)

Interesting.

Kathy (10:56)

No.

Susan (10:56)

I mean, at this stage of the game, you would think that the home is paid off.

Kathy (11:01)

I know many people have mortgages, not because they need to, but because it's a financial decision for tax purposes or whatever. My point. And you know, this story, too. I dated a guy, believe it or not, it's the same guy with the dog who. Yeah, this. This was doomed from the beginning, but very nice, generous guy. And then I was. We had talked about me moving in, and we talked about what I would pay for and what he would pay for. And he said, I want to do some revisions, some remodeling to the house, like make the closet bigger, change the flooring, just. And I said, you know, I'll pay for that because I'm going to be enjoying it and you own the home. And he said, that seemed fair. And about a month later, we're talking about, are we ever going to move in? You know, what are we going to do kind of thing? And he said, well, you know, I think you should pay the real estate taxes on the house because you're living here for free. Yeah. The face you just made was the face I made. I said, I don't own this home. You're getting the appreciation of the improvements I'm making on the home. And. And I don't own a home anymore. Really. And. And then the. If we're. If we're going down this road. The absol dagger to the heart was when he said, oh, by the way, if something happens to me, to him, you need to move out right away because the house will go in immediately. To my daughter, I was like, we are so done.

Susan (12:35)

Yeah, wait, let me pay the taxes, half the utilities, and then if you drop dead, I'm done. I'm homeless.

Kathy (12:41)

But even though you and I are cutting up about this, these are important questions that people, I think sometimes at our age, jump in too quickly because they say the kids are gone.

Susan (12:54)

You know, think about it.

Kathy (12:55)

We're retired. We can just move in together. Well, guess what? When you move in with someone at any age, you have to have the conversations about who's going to pay for what, how are you going to divide the utilities all those things when I.

Susan (13:09)

Had lived with a gentleman for just one year and I had said that on the way in, what do you expect of me? I mean, how can we do this? It's his home. And he said, no, I don't want a penny from you. You could buy food, you could do things. So I ended up buying a stove, I bought a refrigerator, I did the food shopping and I started to add it in my head, thinking it might be cheaper for me to go and get a new condo. That was before I decided to come back to the house that I owned. But I had somebody living in it at the time. But, but Susie, you're right, it's very important. And when he said that, I thought, oh good, I could save some money. And I did. I mean, but you know, refrigerator is almost three grand. Like, okay, how much rent is that? A month and a half. But you know what I'm saying.

Kathy (14:00)

No, I know exactly what you're saying. And that's why, you know, it's. People say conversations about money are ugly. That may well be comfortable. I think it may be uncomfortable, it may be ugly, but they are conversations that have to had. If you're going to have a good healthy relationship at any age.

Susan (14:20)

Absolutely. Unless he's, you know, Rockefeller and doesn't care, then you don't think, okay, no problem.

Kathy (14:25)

Well, that's back to the guy that I was hoping would say.

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Susan (20:25)

All right, here's one for you. What does the jump to a second career look like? And what does it take to stick the landing, if you will? What happens if. See, I'm past that, too. Like, this is a second career. Actually, maybe my third. I don't know. I've done a lot.

Kathy (20:46)

Yeah. I think for you and me, and we've talked about this. When you and I went on the Golden Bachelor, we went on to find love. You and I didn't know what an.

Susan (20:58)

Influencer was anything else.

Kathy (21:00)

We didn't know what a brand deal was. We went on to find love. You and I found each other and some other great girlfriends. We did not find romantic love. Having said that, I would say the answer to this question is luck. You and I have been very lucky, and I am so grateful that you and I have this podcast and we get to talk to people and we get to go to events and meet people and see, hear them talk about us changing their lives and how happy they are, all of that. But I think what it takes to.

Susan (21:31)

What if it was a spouse or your boyfriend or your live in whoever you want to be. He was changing careers.

Kathy (21:40)

It's, it's. Again, it's a conversation. Here's, here's the bigger question for me. I do, and I've said this out loud, I do not want to date a man who is working full time. Not now, not in my golden years. So many people have second careers. You and I do right now, but that's not the issue. It's how do you stick it? How do you stay with it? It takes a lot of planning, a lot of thought. If you're with a partner, it takes a lot of consideration and communication, what.

Susan (22:15)

Their needs are with rcs, communicate, talk about it. And it's not always going to work out exactly like you thought or how you talked about it, but at least the conversation happens. Happens.

Kathy (22:26)

But I think that more and more people, you know, 70s, the new 50, all of that people are not retiring at 60, 62, 65, they're working in careers or starting new careers, which I think is great.

Susan (22:40)

Right?

Kathy (22:41)

That's great. But for me, if, if the guy is going to put the career ahead of our relationship, that's not going to work for me. It's not. I want a man who can give me the time and attention that I want, and I want to be able to give him the time and attention. So if he'd rather be at the.

Susan (23:02)

Stage, that's what you want. That's what it's about, right?

Kathy (23:05)

Well, I agree, but I'm saying if, if, if someone that you and I are in a relationship with, if they tell you I'm starting a new restaurant or I'm starting a new whatever it is, what picks up, that's a big one.

Susan (23:18)

For instance, a restaurant, they're never home either. You got to go in with him and be a part of that, because you don't have a private life. Anymore.

Kathy (23:26)

Yeah. But here's the thing. A lot of. And I've known people my age who start in a relationship with someone who's retired, and then the person changes their mind, one or the other changes their mind. And that is a complete lifestyle change. So you have to be really aware of what it is you want. And again, I'm sounding like a big beaten, a dead horse here, but at our age, we have lived enough life that we know some of the pitfalls in a second or third this end of life relationship.

Susan (24:00)

Willing to deal with this, you know, because you know what could happen, like, oh gosh, do I even want to go there? And once again, having that conversation and being honest with your partner, saying, I don't know if I could do it.

Kathy (24:12)

So let me ask you. I was asked this on another podcast I was on. Would you support your partner financially?

Susan (24:19)

If I financially had enough for both of us, plus my children. Yes. Depending on what he was doing too. If he was like, there's stay at home dads. I know people that.

Kathy (24:30)

No, no, no. At our age. Not stay at home dad. At our age.

Susan (24:34)

To take from my kids to a certain degree, I wouldn't just carry somebody now.

Kathy (24:40)

Yeah, see, I, I, when I was asked, it was an emphatic no. And, and the, the, they asked me why and I said because I worked very hard raising my family. My husband worked very hard outside of the home earning that money, and my money is going to my children. And if he doesn't have the money or it typically means we're not gonna have similar lifestyles. So for me, you know, that's probably not gonna work. But I think it's. Do you think it's important at this age to, to date someone that's in your same ballpark?

Sponsor/Ad Voice (25:20)

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Susan (25:20)

And that's something I never even bothered to notice.

Kathy (25:24)

Yeah.

Susan (25:25)

You know, because I wasn't going on an interview when I started dating somebody. What do you have for retirement?

Kathy (25:31)

But when do you ask that question?

Susan (25:33)

You start learning that as you go into the first year and you start learning things and then you go, oh God, you know, and I would have a conversation about it. It might not end well.

Kathy (25:46)

Yeah.

Susan (25:46)

That conversation. Because they might feel a certain way. I don't know. But how do you, how do your finances change after you get married?

Kathy (25:57)

Well, again, it depends whether you're. We, we at the top of the hour, we talked about that. If you're going to combine your total wealth, which I never will do. I'm not sure young couples do that much anymore. I Think when we were younger we did, but I, I think that to.

Susan (26:16)

Me it was exciting when you got married young and we put both our money together, we had so much more.

Kathy (26:23)

Well, we didn't, but I mean, I put my husband, I. Listen. I worked a full time job, 35 hours a week and went to school, university because I finished college. After I was married, I took 15 hours and worked a 35 hour a week job. And while my husband was in grad school, literally, I went to work, I worked three and a half days a week, got the 35 hours in and planned my course load around that. And so I would come home, we would eat dinner, we would both go in the other room that had two desks and we would sit and study for four hours, go to bed, get up and do it all over again.

Susan (27:03)

That was smart.

Kathy (27:04)

So I got. So I have to say, I don't have a lot of.

Susan (27:06)

You paid your dues.

Kathy (27:07)

You paid your dues when I was a lot younger, but now I don't know. Does that make me sound hard, Susan? Because I don't want to date someone and. Let me finish before you answer. I don't want to date someone who is not in my financial realm in the similar situation because I think for me that bleeds over into other areas of our life, our values. I don't know. Do you agree with that or not?

Susan (27:35)

I don't know if it's just the values, but I understand. Because if you have more, would they expect you to carry things or something like this?

Kathy (27:49)

Yeah.

Susan (27:49)

Or being used for your money or, you know, it could be any of.

Kathy (27:54)

These things and that happens.

Susan (27:55)

But I think it's difficult to meet somebody and decide whether or not he does have it or not. Is he prepared for retirement or not without conversation with the cops. But then you're not going to have a conversation until you're past the fifth date and you slept together.

Kathy (28:15)

Well, another reason to not sleep with them until, you know, a month of Sundays have gone by.

Susan (28:21)

But I find it hard because I always let my. My heart lead.

Kathy (28:24)

I swear to God, I'm gonna break that out of you. I'm so gonna be good.

Susan (28:28)

I might maybe in my next life, Kathy. I don't know.

Kathy (28:31)

In the next life I'm gonna see you coming. I'm gonna turn around and go the other way.

Susan (28:34)

But you know when you do have the conversation and then you feel like you're getting ugly, like when money comes into it, and I've experienced this and, and mentioned some things like your work ethics Aren't up to par for me. Like, shouldn't you be hustling right now, Susan?

Kathy (28:51)

But wait for everyone who's listening. Susan's idea of hustling is like Susan's idea of a house being clean, you can eat off the floors. Her idea of hustling is working five jobs and getting two hours of sleep. So because that's who I am, I not understand. But that. That's exactly my point. Is that your expectation that someone else have the same work ethic? I think it is.

Susan (29:14)

If I want something, I'm going to work even harder because I'm. I want to get it. I spoil myself, so I'm going to work for it. No, I don't expect anybody else to buy it for me. Whereas people that don't work as hard and don't have as much of an income and their lifestyle is different than mine. Yeah, they're. You know, and that works for them. But when the two of you meet, that becomes a little bit. I don't want to call it an issue or a problem, but it's a concern.

Adore Me/Walmart Promo Voice (29:45)

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Kathy (29:46)

Well, you know, this guy that I. Who shall go nameless, we call him east coast guy. He was a very wealthy man. And you remember me telling you that was a bit of a concern for.

Susan (29:59)

Me because, well, you said you didn't need any of his money.

Kathy (30:03)

Well, not only that. Men that are really wealthy wield power, I think, sometimes with their money. And I didn't want to be caught under that. You know, I didn't want to feel like he would spoil me with anything and give me.

Susan (30:18)

But then you would have to do what he wants, right? Yeah.

Kathy (30:21)

And I. And I want to. At this age, I want a partnership. I don't want to walk ahead of someone. I don't want to walk behind someone. I want to walk with them. And I make jokes. But when I say, you know, when. If we go to Europe on a trip, I want us both to be able to fly business class. You know, I'll pay for my tickets.

Susan (30:40)

Expensive, I know, but I just looked into it for Bella, and I. And I go, I could do one, but I can't leave her in the back of the plane.

Kathy (30:48)

Yeah, well, you could, actually. She's 13.

Susan (30:50)

I would never do that. Would you do that? Taking your granddaughter for power? Okay, I was gonna say, now we're gonna talk, you and I.

Kathy (31:00)

No, I would not. I would. I would rob the bank and fly us both business class. But I'm just saying, I think that to sum this topic up, I think finances or finances look very different when you're young and when you're golden. But you know what? The issues around finances are huge. Whether it is our age or 30 something, the issue is real. And you better figure out how you're going to manage your finances because it is a real problem that can develop in a marriage or a relationship.

Susan (31:39)

I know my son and daughter in law came into some money for a legal matter and I don't want to overstep, but I became actually annoying to my son.

Kathy (31:51)

Yeah.

Susan (31:51)

Because I keep telling him, I hope Christopher, you put some money away to invest. You are fortunate that this happened. They're living grand. They redid their house and they're. I see thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars and they're so happy and, And I get it. But make sure because when it's gone, it's gone.

Kathy (32:14)

So are they saving some. Have you convinced them?

Susan (32:16)

You know, mom, don't worry about it. I got something put away. But when I heard the amount compared to what they have.

Kathy (32:23)

Yeah.

Susan (32:23)

I was not thrilled. And I had a step back.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (32:26)

It's his life.

Narrator/Announcer (32:27)

It's.

Kathy (32:27)

It's his life and her life. You know, speaking of our children's lives, we've done some talk about parenting, but let's. You just. You. You touching on the question. I. It's a great segue.

Susan (32:40)

Okay.

Kathy (32:41)

How do your responsibilities, obligations to your child change or children as they get older? Exactly what you just said when your son, if he'd gotten that money was younger. Hey, sonny boy. You know, 10 cents going to the church. You're gonna go. It's going to go in the bank. You can have 10 cents to spend.

Susan (32:57)

I'll give you a thousand dollars. Go buy yourself something. The rest is history.

Kathy (33:01)

Exactly. So. So it, it does totally change as our children.

Susan (33:10)

Definitely. And our obligations. We don't have as many obligations. However, when they're both working hard. And this has happened too. Oh my God, Mom, I just can't take it anymore. I can't catch or break my ref. Refrigerator just went. Or my washer and dryer. I'm in the position where. No, don't worry about it. You know.

Kathy (33:28)

So you and I have both done that. We've both helped our kids.

Susan (33:32)

But not all parents can.

Kathy (33:34)

Not all. But. But that's not an obligation to help our children. I think that is the difference. We have the resources that we can help our children, but we are not responsible for them. We are not obligated to help them. My, my. One of my sons. You don't you know, you think we are obligated.

Susan (33:53)

I don'. Responsible, but I feel obligated to help my children because I can. And if they have something happen now, although I have lent money to my kids and said, you have to pay it back.

Kathy (34:07)

Have they?

Susan (34:08)

Yes. They didn't used to. Yeah, but, yes, they have.

Kathy (34:12)

I have not lent my children money. I think that as I look back on my own life, I think sometimes we are handicapping our children when we do too much for them. We are our children, you know, can. In my case, I have a child who could work more hours during the day to earn more money. And the other day we had this phone conversation, and I can't. It was one of those, I can't cut a break deals.

Susan (34:41)

Can't catch a break.

Kathy (34:42)

Can't catch a break. You know, tires went out on the car and then came downstairs and there was a hole in the windshield on the car and had, you know, a $500 deductible.

Susan (34:51)

And.

Kathy (34:52)

And what I heard out of the mouth of this child was of my child, I can't believe all the bad things that are happening to me. And I said, no, actually, this is called life. Everyone has. It's called saving for a rainy day. It's called, this is what happens on the way to retirement. Life happens. And you have to save for those rainy days. You have to save for the tires that go out, the air conditioner that blows. I mean, so many different things. Expensive.

Susan (35:25)

Did you ever get the text in all caps, F M l did that. I didn't know what it meant.

Kathy (35:35)

I do.

Susan (35:35)

And when I finally realized, well, my daughter frequents that message, I go, what happened?

Kathy (35:40)

Now, again, I, you know, everyone has to do for their children. And in retrospect, you know, anyone who's interested in Kathy's opinion, I think it's very difficult it was for me to sit back and watch my children suffer by not being able to make ends meet and having to find another way or do without to make ends meet.

Susan (36:04)

Again, I lost you.

Kathy (36:06)

I'm saying that as a parent, do as I say, not as I did. I sat back and helped my children more than perhaps I should have. Letting your children suffer a little bit, the consequences of their actions, letting them figure a way out of the corner that they've backed their way into, is a great learning and maturing event for them. And I don't want to rob my kids of that, because that's what makes them strong, intelligent, successful adults. You know, it's not, Susan, our successes that define Us.

Adore Me/Walmart Promo Voice (36:48)

Us.

Kathy (36:48)

It is our failures that define us and make us stronger, better humans.

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Kathy (38:18)

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Susan (38:27)

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Kathy (38:39)

I just love the elevated details. Pretty lace, clean lines, even little bows that still feel wearable all day. You know, I just always feel like I'm ready. I feel sexy and cute in them. And if I meet the right guy, he's going to really love seeing those bows.

Susan (38:54)

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Kathy (39:05)

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Susan (39:15)

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Nexplanon Promo Voice (39:36)

Chapter 10 Ronan's eyes widened as the moon enveloped their secret sanctuary. Go he warned. I'm losing control. Luna defiantly stepped forward, tracing the scar across his jaw. Then lose it, she whispered. She was ready. She has Nexplanon etinogestrel implant 68mg radiopaque to prevent pregnancy. A non daily prescription birth control for women that goes in your arm and not in your uterus. Don't use Nexplanon if you're pregnant or may be pregnant, have or had blood clots or certain cancers, have liver disease, liver tumor or unexplained vaginal bleeding. Once the implant is placed, you and your doctor should feel for it. If at any time you can't feel the implant, contact your doctor right away and use a non hormonal birth control method such as condoms. Removal of the implant may be difficult or impossible if it isn't where it should be. While uncommon ectopic pregnancy, pregnancy that occurs outside the womb can occur, which can cause serious internal bleeding, infertility and even death. You are likely to experience changes to your period. Ovarian cysts may occur and usually disappear. Nexplanon may raise the chance of serious blood clots, which can cause heart attack, stroke or death, especially if you smoke or have other risk factors. Nexplanon doesn't protect against HIV or STDs. With less than one pregnancy per 100 women who use Nexplanon for one year, Nexplanon is over 99% effective. No matter the fantasy, talk to your doctor. Call 1-877-467-5266 or visit nexplanon.com for more information. Ask your doctor about Nexplanon.

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Adore Me/Walmart Promo Voice (42:13)

Are you one of those people that starts your holiday shopping in like, July?

Susan (42:16)

July?

Sponsor/Ad Voice (42:17)

I mean, no, never. Like, I, I, I like to shop, actually, I like to shop on Christmas Eve because I find it to be a little more festive.

Adore Me/Walmart Promo Voice (42:25)

But you, like, start decorating right after Halloween?

Sponsor/Ad Voice (42:29)

No, after Thanksgiving. Okay, that's different. That's different. Halloween? No, not Halloween.

Adore Me/Walmart Promo Voice (42:34)

You know, I consider myself to be a pretty good gift giver. I've got my list and I've checked.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (42:38)

It twice, probably three times. She takes the holidays very seriously.

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Susan (43:09)

If you could give your old self advice about parenting teenagers specifically, what would you say? I would have done it totally different. I know.

Kathy (43:22)

I, I gotta say, I, you and.

Susan (43:25)

I were different with raising kids. You were much more strict. And I, I remember you telling me the story about your son and you said, oh, well, leave. You're out.

Kathy (43:33)

Yeah, I, I had, but that's, that leads into the point I just made. My son, one of my sons was, you know, he had, he had to learn by the school of hard knocks.

Narrator/Announcer (43:45)

Yes.

Kathy (43:46)

And when push came to shove, I said, this is my home and if you don't like it, you can leave. And he did. He was adult, by the way. He was 21, back from college. And I said, if you don't like it, you can leave. And he did. And he today is a responsible, absolutely unbelievable husband, father and human being. But I think it is because he had to suffer the consequences of his behavior. And I think, I don't understand. I had three kids. I have three children. They all had summer jobs. They all had chores around the house. I was, I plead guilty. I was a very strict parent. They did their homework. We had study time. They didn't watch TV during the week. They were only allowed to gain.

Susan (44:35)

That's why you have three great kids.

Kathy (44:36)

Yeah, well, but they had to earn their spending money for college. We were lucky enough to be able to afford their tuition. But I said, you have to earn all your own spending money. Which they did. And yet not all my kids are the same. You know, occasionally I'll get This, you know, woe is me conversation.

Susan (44:55)

And I'm like, I was so hard on this mom. My kids were hard on them, and I totally was not. I was the cool mom. My boys and Dickie and I would have arguments. They couldn't get summer jobs because they played baseball and they were athletes. So did they have.

Kathy (45:11)

Did they have jobs around the house to work?

Susan (45:14)

Oh, yeah. They had things they had to do here. Yes.

Kathy (45:16)

But they never had to earn any money.

Susan (45:19)

No, no, that baseball was baseball 24 7. They could have been major league baseball players. They did something stupid and took a walk on the wild side. And. And that cost heartache as well as finance like you could not believe. And they got in trouble. And I could go on for days. It was sad and heartbreaking, but we just prayed at the end of it they'd come out healthy. But there again, if I were to say, well, I'm not going to pay for a lawyer. We have to pay the bill for the lawyer like you. That's such a tough call for a parent to say, no, you're on your own.

Kathy (45:57)

No, no, no, I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about things like, you know, I'm sorry that you missed your car payment because you were out partying with your friends. So, you know, I'm going to make the car payment. You're not going to see the car for a month. I mean, that kind of stuff. I did. Okay, so we go from raising kids. We just gotta go back real quickly before we end this segment too. Do you remember giving birth to your children and coming home with a new baby? I mean, they didn't come with a.

Susan (46:25)

Book of rules and book.

Kathy (46:27)

What the hell do I do now? I have to tell you, my neighbor next door, her mother was a foster mother. So she had, you know, slung 60, literally 65 babies. So when I had my first firstborn and I came home and I thought, what the hell do I do with this thing? I mean, literally, I had no idea what I was doing. I had. I was nursing. My breasts got infected. You name. My episiotomy got him. You don't want to know. I was like, no one, no one has a second child. No one does after what I went.

Susan (46:59)

Through and then come home with two babies at one time with the toddler running around. You're like, what the actual.

Kathy (47:05)

So. So I have to tell you, my chiropractor, who I love, who's taking care of my back right now, they just had their first baby and I've been going twice A week, because my back. I was saying, how's it going? The baby's like, you know, 11 weeks old. He said, we finally getting some sleep. Oh, my God. He said his wife tell me if this rings a bell to you. His wife is constantly checking, is the baby breathing? The baby's crib is in their room.

Susan (47:31)

Because especially if they slept for the first time more than two hours, something's wrong.

Kathy (47:36)

Hold the mirror up to their nose to see if they're breathing. He said, I. He goes, I don't know. She called me the other day and said the baby's crying. And he's like, yeah. I mean, can you remember those days?

Susan (47:47)

Do you remember, did you have any colicky babies?

Kathy (47:51)

No.

Susan (47:52)

Oh, Kathy, why?

Kathy (47:54)

I. Caitlyn just screamed. Maybe that was my third child. My first two. I, I thought parenting was easy. They slept through the night at 6 weeks. Literally slept through the night from 10 to 5. At, at 6 weeks, Caitlyn and the other hand screamed from 7 to 11 every night. Things haven't really changed much either.

Susan (48:13)

But then she had one, now she's cutting.

Kathy (48:15)

And you know what happened? I got really smart when she had a child. But I'm saying just real quickly, did things change for you and your husband and your whole. And I'm not talking just what husband?

Susan (48:26)

He wasn't even involved. I didn't even want to like, do his laundry anymore. I mean, come on, I got a baby. This is taking all of my time.

Kathy (48:34)

Crazy how it just continues, consumes you. Everything baby.

Susan (48:39)

And there's like, is no advice you can give to young ones. And I have said this. Make sure you still keep a date night. Make sure you, you know.

Kathy (48:49)

Well, not when the baby's first born.

Susan (48:52)

They, no, not firstborn. But with raising kids, it's so important and I think it ruins so many marriages.

Kathy (48:59)

Yes, I agree. You have to make time for your partner. I will say, I will say that you're right. It can really. You know, the husband typically gets very jealous. At least that was my experience. My husband didn't.

Susan (49:13)

And they're not getting sex as often as they used to. And you're like, really? You know what kind of day I had that she was screaming, she puked all over the car seat, I had a clean. Now you want me to pull down my pants and have sex? I don't think so.

Kathy (49:28)

All I can say is when my husband, when I can distinctly remember him coming at me the first time, I don't know how, how many weeks.

Susan (49:39)

You're like, I'm not Ready?

Kathy (49:40)

I know I said, you get away. Like, my eyes almost jumped out of my head. Like, get the hell away from me. And I remember thinking, I remember I said this chat, this thing that came home from the hospital with me, like, who has a second one? I distinctly remember when my son turned 14 months old, saying to my husband, you know, I might consider doing a second child. Like, might. And of course, you know, my oldest.

Susan (50:05)

Son, you were probably already pregnant, saying it.

Kathy (50:07)

No, he was three years, nine months before I had the second one. It was like, how do people do this 18 months apart stuff? I don't know. Children change your life in such wonderful ways. And. And then other people I know don't have children. They don't regret it. I think I would regret not having children.

Susan (50:24)

Well, that's because we wanted to be mothers. There's people that. That don't want that, and. And I respect it. You know, they might not be good parents or something if they know that already.

Kathy (50:36)

But I used to say, I have to have children. Who's going to take care of us when we get old? But it doesn't look like that's going to happen either.

Susan (50:42)

God forbid. But like you said earlier, these things that build us and. And things that happen in our life, that's how we're built. That's how we become who we are. So we're really blessed to have gone through it.

Kathy (50:57)

And that is the final answer to what we would do differently. You just said it. The things that we struggle with in life are the things that build our character and make us who we are and make us who we are. So if you're a parent of a teenager, don't feel badly. Stick to your guns.

Susan (51:17)

Absolutely. And any of you out there that are relating with us and laughing right now with your cup of coffee, we get it. We get it. And if you have a better story.

Kathy (51:25)

Share one hell of a coffee talk, I'll say it. The difference is. The difference is young parents sit and have coffee talks. You and I having this conversation at our stage in life, we're having wine talks.

Susan (51:38)

That's what we're going to change. I'm ready for. I'm going to go get a haircut, actually. And you know what? That does it for today's episode of Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. I've enjoyed this so much.

Kathy (51:48)

So have I. Thank and thank to. Thanks to all of you for joining us. Be sure to follow Bachelor Happy Hour as we have new episodes coming out every week. You don't want to miss them if you are at all interested in Susan's and my opinions about life, and we have many of them. This is the place to hear about.

Susan (52:06)

Them and you know what to do. If you want us to talk about what you want to talk about, make sure to submit your questions to us and you can go to bachelornation.com goldenette hour or hit us up on Social at Bachelor Happy Hour. We're always here for you.

Kathy (52:21)

We are. Listen to Bachelor Happy Hour's Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Until next time, have a great week.

Susan (52:30)

Absolutely.

Narrator/Announcer (52:36)

We know no one's journey is the same. That's why Delta SkyMiles moves with you. From earning miles on reloads for coffee runs, shopping and things you do every day to connecting you to new experiences, a SkyMiles membership fits into your lifestyle, letting you do more of what makes you you. It's more than travel. It's the membership that flies, dines, streams, rides, and arrives with you. Because when you have a membership that's as unique as you are, there's no telling where your journey will take you next. Learn more@delta.com SkyMiles Chapter 10 Ronan's eyes.

Nexplanon Promo Voice (53:14)

Widened as the moon enveloped their secret sanctuary. Go, he warned. I'm losing control. Luna defiantly stepped forward, tracing the scar across his jaw. Then lose it, she whispered. She was ready. She has Nexplanon etinogestrel implant 68mg radiopaque to prevent pregnancy. A non daily prescription birth control for women that goes in your arm and not in your uterus. Don't use nexplanon if you're pregnant or may be pregnant, have or had blood clots or certain cancers, have liver disease, liver tumor or unexplained vaginal bleeding. Once the implant is placed, you and your doctor should feel for it. If at any time you can't feel the implant, contact your doctor right away and use a non hormonal birth control method such as condoms. Removal of the implant may be difficult or impossible if it isn't where it should be. While uncommon ectopic pregnancy, pregnancy that occurs outside outside the womb can occur, which can cause serious internal bleeding, infertility and even death. You are likely to experience changes to your period. Ovarian cysts may occur and usually disappear. Nexplanon may raise the chance of serious blood clots which can cause heart attack, stroke or death, especially if you smoke or have other risk factors. Nexplanon doesn't protect against HIV or STDs. With less than one pregnancy per 100 women who use Nexplanon for one year, Nexplanon is over 99% effective. No matter the fantasy, talk to your doctor. Call 1-877-467-5266 or visit nexplanon.com for more information. Ask your doctor about Nexplanon.

Adore Me/Walmart Promo Voice (54:53)

I consider myself to be a pretty good gift giver. I've got my list.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (54:56)

Checked it twice, probably three times. She takes the holidays very seriously.

Adore Me/Walmart Promo Voice (55:01)

I can't help it, you know. I love finding the perfect gift gifts. And Walmart has all the top brands. Nespresso, Sonos, Nintendo, Nintendo at Walmart.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (55:11)

Who knew?

Adore Me/Walmart Promo Voice (55:11)

I know. And more.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (55:13)

Get all the brands everyone loves at Walmart. Head to Walmart.com or download the Walmart app to get all your gifts this season.

Kathy (55:21)

Ella McKay coming to theaters December 12th.

Narrator/Announcer (55:24)

Your father's here.

Kathy (55:25)

Why A heartwarming new comedy from James L. Brooks. I'm a different person. I have never in life. My my life felt this way about any other woman. Jesus, I wasn't counting your mother. It's a perfect holiday comedy about an imperfect family.

Susan (55:38)

You can use a scream. Ella.

Kathy (55:39)

Starring Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kamel Nanjiani, I.A.

Susan (55:43)

Debery.

Kathy (55:43)

With Albert Brooks and Woody Harrelson.

Susan (55:46)

You should do that every afternoon.

Kathy (55:48)

Ella McKay.

Susan (55:49)

Rated PG 13.

Kathy (55:50)

Get tickets now.

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Kathy (55:55)

But there are things that everyone can.

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Kathy (55:58)

Things like prep. PREP stands for pre exposure prophylaxis, and it means routinely taking prescription medicine before.

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Kathy (56:06)

Your chances of getting it. Prep can be about 99% effective when taken as prescribed.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (56:10)

It doesn't protect against other STIs, though.

Kathy (56:12)

So be sure to use condoms and.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (56:13)

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Kathy (56:15)

Ask a healthcare provider about all your prevention options, and visit findoutaboutprep.com to learn more.

Narrator/Announcer (56:20)

Sponsored by Gilead, this is an iHeart podcast.

Susan (56:24)

Guaranteed human.