Joan Vassos on Her & Chock, Relationship Advice, and More | Golden Hour

Summary

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Bachelor Happy Hour: Joan Vassos on Her & Chock, Relationship Advice, and More | Golden Hour

Release Date: April 29, 2026
Hosts: Kathy (subbing for Susan), with guest co-host Joan Vassos

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Episode Overview

This special episode of Golden Hour, the beloved extension of the official Bachelor Nation podcast, features Joan Vassos as co-host alongside Kathy. Filling in for the absent Susan, Joan joins Kathy in responding to listener questions about modern dating, dissecting current relationship dilemmas, and breaking down dating slang for the “Golden” generation. They also catch up on personal updates including Joan’s relationship with Chock. The vibe is candid, supportive, and peppered with warmth and wit.

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Key Topics & Insights

1. Listener Relationship Advice

(Starts at 03:05)

Kathy and Joan dive into listener questions, dishing out empathetic, tough-love advice with characteristic humor.

Q1: How to Handle an Uninitiated Boyfriend (Kelsey, Kansas City)

• Dilemma: Kelsey’s new boyfriend only suggests casual, unplanned hangouts.
• Joan’s Advice:
  • “People don’t know unless you tell them...he’s not getting the hints.” (04:12)
  • Be direct; if nothing changes, consider moving on.
• Kathy’s Take:
  • “This is like the honeymoon of the dating experience… If he is not overloading you…he may not be your guy.” (04:48)

Q2: Attracting the Wrong Type (Luna, Syracuse, NY)

• Dilemma: Luna keeps dating emotionally unavailable men.
• Kathy:
  • Recommends self-reflection and perhaps therapy.
  • “...You’re never a problem. The way you look at yourself… may need some work, but you’re not a problem.” (07:08)
• Joan:
  • “Why are you accepting it?... You deserve better.” (07:56)
  • Discusses the concept of self-worth and not settling for less.
• Notable Moment: Kathy references reading about attachment styles, tying attraction habits to upbringing and childhood experiences. (09:05)

Q3: Boyfriend Follows 'Bikini Models' on Instagram (Lauren, Santa Barbara)

• Issue: Lauren is uneasy after snooping through her boyfriend’s Instagram and finding he follows mostly influencers and bikini models.
• Kathy:
  • “Lauren, what the hell are you doing going through his Instagram?... that tells me you don’t trust him.” (15:18)
  • Advises addressing underlying trust rather than social media habits.
• Joan:
  • Doesn’t see Instagram activity as seriously meaningful; recommends honest communication if it bothers her.

2. Modern Dating Slang: Grandma Googles It

(Starts at 20:45)

Joan and Kathy lighten up and decode current dating lingo from a “Golden” perspective.

Breadcrumbing

• Definition (Kathy):
  • “It’s giving just enough attention to keep someone interested, but, like, never committing.” (21:23)
• Joan:
  • Considers it common, not always malicious–sometimes it’s indecision or a transition between relationships. (21:51)
• On Ages & Contexts:
  • Younger daters: it’s pervasive and intentional.
  • Older daters: might come across as breadcrumbing but usually it’s lack of commitment, differing priorities, or even technical challenges (e.g., “can’t find their phone”). (24:20)
• Memorable Quote:
  • Kathy: “I don’t think at our age... the same guy who can’t take a selfie doesn’t know how to breadcrumb.” (24:29)

Beige Flag

• Definition (Joan):
  • “It’s not a red flag or a green flag. It’s just mildly odd behavior.” (29:47)
• Funny Example: Someone clapping when the plane lands.
• Personal Anecdotes:
  • Joan’s “beige flag”: only eating white foods–but admits she overlooked it because of his looks! (31:01)

Inventing New Dating Terms

• Kathy discusses “wannabe syndrome”: men presenting as ideal partners but not living up to it.
• Kathy:
  • “Who he says he is is who he wants to be, not who he is.” (32:07)
• Joan:
  • “He wants it…Delusionally, he’s trying to be it, he just can’t follow through with it.” (33:56)
• They consider naming it “wannabe syndrome” or “non-finisher” but open the floor for listener suggestions.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On direct communication:
  • Joan: “He’s not going to read your mind. He’s not getting the hints.” (04:12)
• On relationship standards:
  • Kathy: “Watching TV or having a last minute drink should happen way farther into the relationship...He should not be comfortable with you like that.” (05:17)
• On self-worth in dating:
  • Joan: “Why are you accepting this from anybody? You deserve better.” (07:56)
• On Instagram stalking:
  • Kathy: “Lauren, what the hell are you doing going through his Instagram?...tells me you don’t trust him, which is a whole nother...Pandora’s Box.” (15:18)
• On dating apps and profiles:
  • Kathy: “Who he says he is is who he wants to be, not who he is.” (32:07)
• On aging and dating tech:
  • Kathy: “At our age, the same guy who can’t take a selfie doesn’t know how to breadcrumb.” (24:29)

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Life & Love Updates from Joan

(Starts at 36:50)

• Joan is involved in press events for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (Pancan), honoring her late husband.
• She will appear on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen.
• Family is a top priority this summer: two granddaughters on the way and a son's wedding.
• Relationship with Chock:
  • No set vacations planned—“He knows I am on baby duty”—but they’ll see each other in Kansas and Maryland. Next official trip together is Bachelor Nation at Sea cruise.
• Highlights the closeness of the Bachelor “Goldens” community, looking forward to fun meetups and a summer filled with both family and Bachelor Nation events.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Listener Advice Segment Begins: 03:05
• Kelsey’s Question: 03:42–06:38
• Luna’s Question: 06:38–10:13
• Lauren’s Question: 10:21–20:03
• Grandma Googles It: Slang Terms: 20:45–35:06
• Joan’s Life Update & The Future with Chock: 36:50–38:49

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Closing Notes and Call for Listener Feedback

• Hosts encourage listeners to write in with updates if they've taken advice from the show.
  “We’d love to hear if you have a great relationship and something comes out of this.” (10:21, Joan)
• They playfully urge listeners to suggest a new term for men who present as “wannabes.”

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Episode Tone & Style

Supportive, sassy, and unfiltered, the dynamic between Kathy and Joan captures the real and often hilarious struggles of dating over 50. Their advice is rooted in lived experience with encouragement for self-worth, directness in communication, and always a dose of humor.

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This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating later-in-life dating, fans of Bachelor Nation’s “goldens,” or listeners seeking seasoned, heartfelt dating wisdom with laughs along the way.

Transcript

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[Kathy]

Welcome back to Golden Hour, everyone. We are back for part two. I'm so excited. Let's get right into it every week, Joan. And by the way, thank you for. If I haven't said that yet, thank you for coming in and helping me do this while Susan is unavailable.

[Joan]

Yeah, I appreciate if you guys asked me. Yeah, I love being here.

[Kathy]

Okay, so usually, you know, every week we answer some questions from listeners and we give them our expert golden advice. And you are golden right along with me. So start us off with the first one if you.

[Joan]

And by the way, I listen to these every week that you do them. So I feel like maybe I might be good at this. I don't know, but let's give me a try.

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[Joan]

Okay. The first one is Kelsey from Kansas City, and she says, I've been dating this guy for about three months now and I really like him, but he has never planned a proper date. Every time we hang out, it's like, come over and watch something or a last minute drink. I've hinted that I like when someone takes initiative, but nothing has changed. Do I say something directly or is this just who he is?

[Kathy]

Oh, what do you think, Joan?

[Joan]

I think. Okay, I'm gonna. This is the advice that I give everyone.

[Kathy]

Okay.

[Joan]

That people don't know unless you tell them. And I think you have tried to be really nice and hint at it and you need to say it right out, he's not going to read your mind. He's not getting the hints. And if you say it right out and he still doesn't do it, I'd say maybe move on.

[Kathy]

I can't disagree with you. I love your advice. Boy, Susan and I always argue you're much easier. You and I agree.

[Joan]

I'm afraid that we might on most of these.

[Kathy]

Yeah. But I will say, every time we hang out, it's like, come over and watch something or a last minute drink. That doesn't even sound like a date to me.

[Joan]

I totally agree.

[Kathy]

So, Kelsey, I think Joan's right. Have a conversation with him. But you've only been dating three months. This is like the honeymoon of the dating experience. And if he is not overloading you with text, phone calls, dates, flowers, making you feel like the special woman I'm sure you are. He may not be your guy. Or as the movie it says, he may not just. He may not be that into you.

[Joan]

So I think you're so right. This is the honeymoon stage and that a proper date is the starting point. And watching TV or having a last minute drink should happen way farther into the relationship. And those are great. And that implies a comfort level that he should not be at yet. He should not be comfortable with you like that. Like, just come over, have watch tv.

[Kathy]

I'm gonna argue. I'm gonna, you know, welcome back, Susan. I'm gonna take issue with that. I think if it ever gets that commonplace, unless you've been married like you and I were forever, I don't. That should be the exception, not the rule, is what I would say. I want. It's not that the guy has to rent a jet and fly me to Paris for dinner, but, you know, if there's not a little bit of forethought, it's, you know, when we had Hakeem and his now fiance.

[Joan]

Monica.

[Kathy]

Monica, we say you said that, and I agreed with you. You know, have date nights, like those things never go out of style. So, Kelsey, I would re. I think Joan's right. I would reevaluate where you are and see if he really is your man or if you spent three months and maybe it's time to move on and go after the man that really is

[Joan]

for you and cherishes you and knows how important you are. Yep.

[Kathy]

Let us know. We want to hear from you, Kelsey. Let us know. Okay, the next one is from Luna from Syracuse, New York, which is in case people don't know it's very cold there most of the year.

[Joan]

It sure is.

[Kathy]

Okay, I just got out of a situationship that lasted almost a year, and when I look back, he was emotionally unavailable the whole time. The problem is, this keeps happening to me with different guys. How do I stop being attracted to the same type over and over again? Or am I the problem? Well, I mean, my initial thought on that is, why did you stick around for a year for a guy that you always knew was emotionally unavailable? So my gut tells me you're not a problem. First of all, Luna, you're never a problem. The way you look at yourself and situations may need some work, but you're not a problem. So I would encourage you. Maybe, again, we're not therapists here, but maybe get some counseling on why you attract this kind of guy. What vibe are you putting out? And Then why do you stick around so long when you see.

[Joan]

Yeah. Why are you accepting it? Why are you accepting this from anybody? You deserve better. An emotionally unavailable person. I think that's all they're capable of. So it's like about. If you get that vibe early on, I'd say, Ron, I think that's the type of person they are. I am concerned that you are only attracted to this type. Do you feel like you don't deserve the emotions from somebody? That.

[Kathy]

Which is why. Suggested therapy.

[Joan]

Yeah. Which you're not worthy. I don't think you're a problem. I think that you don't realize how valuable, you know, how valuable you are and how. That you deserve. I always say, you know, you. You kind of get what you put out there. If you act like you don't deserve.

[Kathy]

Don't say that, Joan. Wait a minute. I'm getting nothing. Are you telling me. I'm not putting.

[Joan]

You're kidding. It's going to come to you, Kathy. Just wait. It doesn't come right when you ask for it, but it's going to come. But I feel like if you are accepting, you know, somebody who's emotionally available, that's all they're going to give you. If you're not accepting, you know, maybe you'll get better. So maybe next time put that out there that this is not what you're going for and hopefully the man will respond better. And if he doesn't, I don't think you're the problem. I think the men are the problem.

[Kathy]

I think it could be a combination. I mostly agree with you. I'll tell you, I'm reading a book right now about attachment styles, which I know is the hottest discussion in the psychobabble world. But I am learning about different kinds of attachments. And I think if you learn what kind of guy you're going after, you might realize it has something to do with your upbringing. You know, this whole thing of childhood trauma, we all bring it with us. That's what I'm learning. And so maybe that has something to do with the kind of guy she goes after. It's where she feels safe and secure. Even though it's not a good thing for her.

[Joan]

I agree with you. It's how she feels. It's where she feels safe and secure, but it's also not going to get you a long term relationship. It's just gonna. You're gonna. Yeah. And you're not gonna be happy. So I think like what you said, she needs to kind of look inward and know her value and make sure the guy knows her value.

[Kathy]

Yeah. And like I said, we're not therapists, but I think some good counseling never hurt anybody.

[Joan]

Yeah, I've never done it. And. But I go on, you know, golden hour, and I get my counseling from you guys.

[Kathy]

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Joe.

[Joan]

I do. I listen to you guys.

[Kathy]

Okay, let us know, Luna. Let us know, though. And. And okay, go with the next one.

[Joan]

Yeah, I'd love to know if you have a great relationship and something comes out of this. This next one is from Lauren in Santa Barbara. She said, I made the mistake of going through the guy I'm dating's Instagram following late one night and now I can't unsee it. It's like 90 influencer influencers and bikini models in person. He treats me great, but now I feel weird about it. Do I bring it up or just keep this to myself? You should never stalk people's Instagrams. Huh?

[Kathy]

I mean, number. Yeah. Let's start at the beginning here. You know, it's a very good place to start.

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[Kathy]

Lauren, what the hell are you doing going through his Instagram? Let's just start with that, because that, my dear girl, however old you are, tells me you don't trust him, which is a whole nother, you know, Pandora's Box. You're going through his Instagram because you don't trust him. And then what did you find? Pictures of bikini models. And yeah, that's not a good look for him. But instead of going through his Instagram, why don't you. Why didn't you talk to him about your relationship? But no, you went behind his back and went through his Instagram. You suspected something. Your inner voice told you something was going on. Your intuition. Instead of talking to your guy that you're dating, whatever, let's call him Joe. Instead of saying, hey, Joe, I'm feeling this way, you know, the I statements. You went.

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And.

[Kathy]

And so now he's never going to trust you. He's, you know, so that's why, you know, you need to. You need to tackle the issue. Not a symptom.

[Joan]

Yeah, I feel like. Like I look at Instagram as, like this just other kind of part of my life. And it's like, just for fun. It's not anything I take seriously. I don't take people's comments when they're mean to me, serious take their compliments like they are. They don't make, you know, they. I appreciate them, but they're not how I find my value.

[Kathy]

Oh, my God, Joan, seriously, everything everyone says about me, I take it right to heart. I. When those mean comments, I look at

[Joan]

myself just say, yeah, thank you for sending that comment.

[Kathy]

How can I change myself?

[Joan]

I know. Well, so I feel like Instagram, if. If he is being entertained by it. So maybe influence, like, he likes watching, like, what Influencers are doing. He likes to watch, like, what they, you know, you know, what alcohol they're drinking and where they're vacationing, what they're weari. Wearing, what they're eating, what brand of bikinis they're wearing. Yeah, well, okay, so there's some bikini models on there. You know, I. I feel that you. That a guy shouldn't be ostracized for looking occasionally.

[Kathy]

I'm sorry. 90 of his Instagram is influencers and bikini models. Yeah. So I'm guessing those influencers are women, because if they were men doing body,

[Joan]

I don't think that's true.

[Kathy]

Or men's shirts, I don't think she'd care. I think it's women.

[Joan]

I'll bet you might know what the night. Well, I don't think we know what the 90% is, but I don't hate that he follows influencers because they kind of are maybe giving him a clue about what, like, the cool thing to do is or, like, what to wear. Or maybe it's just, like, his source of entertainment. I think if it's like. If she said it's all bikini models, I'd say you got a problem. Like, that's the only thing he's interested in. He really just is obsessed with the way women look. But the fact that it's influencers, I feel like some of this is just entertainment for him. But I do feel like if it bothers her, she should say something. It's public knowledge. You can look and see who people are following. You know, what they're. What's on their Instagram. So it's out there. I don't think that it's weird that she looked at it. And I think that if it bothers her, she should bring it up and, like, you know, but see, I don't.

[Kathy]

I, I'm. I hear you. I don't disagree with you. I'm saying I don't think it's about. I think it's a deeper issue. I don't think she trusts him. I don't think she gives a flip that it's influencers. The bikini models. You know, people choose their words carefully. And she didn't say. She said bikini models. So I think it's about trust. And, you know, I'm sorry, Lauren, I wish that, yes, his Instagram is probably public, but the fact that you felt compelled to take a deep dive into his Instagram instead of get yout Beauty Sleep or Read a Good Book tells me there are trust issues there. And I hope you decide to Talk to him about what's really eating at you.

[Joan]

Yeah. And she says in person, he treats me great. So I think that we should start with that, and then she should just say it weirded her out a little bit and just see what he has to say about it.

[Kathy]

I mean, I'd like to have a guy to go through his Instagram. Let's be clear. Most of the guys I know can spell Instagram.

[Joan]

Never mind beyond, they don't have Instagram.

[Kathy]

They're like Facebook, you know, literally. I'm not joking. Before we. Before we move on, I swear, Joan, I had a guy, a friend of mine say to me he was somewhere and I said, oh, send me a selfie. He goes, how do you take a selfie?

[Joan]

I thought, oh, oh, no. Goodness gracious.

[Kathy]

Yeah. So, you know, it's hell getting old, Joan. It's hell. You'll. You'll notice.

[Joan]

I know, but you're so like. And both of us really are so technologically, like leaps and bounds above most people our age, so we gotta be tolerant of them. But not knowing how to take a selfie is pretty ridiculous. All it is like, flip the camera around on the little button so it's so easy. That's a little scary.

[Kathy]

You know what? That's. It takes more than 1. 1. It's not one stop shopping there. You know, it's turn the cameras, turn the arrow folk, you know, whatever. But good luck, Lauren. Let us know. Okay. If you love the answers to these questions, you should send us some more. All you gotta do is submit to [e-mail] Golden Hour. Submit your questions, your comments, your thoughts, what you think about Instagram and prying into people's Instagram. We are very interested in your opinions about the questions that we put out there and the answers we give. So please come back every week and see if we answer yours or your comment about somebody else's question.

[Joan]

And we'd love to hear about if we answered your question, if you took the advice and how it went. So we don't ever get those answers. And I really, as a listener to this program, I'm just subbing in today for Susan. I want to hear, like, how it turned out for you. So please let us know how it turns out. But now we're going to get into another really interesting segment and, oh, they're playing. They're making fun of our age, but I'm going to go ahead with it. Kathy and I are back with Grandma Google's it where we break down slang words that people are Using in dating culture.

[Kathy]

Wait, can I just say. Joan.

[Joan]

Yeah.

[Kathy]

I know what this one means. I'm so excited.

[Joan]

I'm so glad. Okay, go ahead. Go with it. See if everybody else does.

[Kathy]

Okay. Breadcrumbing. I know what this is. It's when you just. It's when you give. Well, it's giving just enough attention to keep someone interested, but, like, never committing. And I've had a couple of guys who breadcrumb, and of course, you know. You know what I do? I take the loaf of bread and throw it to the ducks outside. But.

[Joan]

That's. Right.

[Kathy]

What is your thought on it? I hate breadcrumbing. What do you think?

[Joan]

I think breadcrumbing is really a part of dating. So I think a lot of times you don't know exactly where you are in a relationship, and you string it along maybe a little longer than you should have while you're trying to figure it out or you're trying to find somebody to take the place. So you don't want to be with that.

[Kathy]

Are you saying breadcrumbing is okay?

[Joan]

I'm not. I just think it's very common. I think everybody's done it and has had it done to them.

[Kathy]

Yeah, that's my opinion.

[Joan]

Yeah, I think I've done it. I think I've done. I think I've done it not on purpose. I think I've done it in just, you know, still evaluating, trying to decide, not. Not sure that this is a person I want to be with, But I'm not ready to give them up because. And then I think I. I've had it done to me. I think that I've been strung long before and. And then find out very soon afterwards that, like, he has another girlfriend. And I think that he was kind of just stringing me along until he kind of solidified that relationship.

[Kathy]

Okay, so that's interesting. I think at our age, I think younger, I think Bachelor, that's very common. Breadcrumbing with, you know, on the beach. Breadcrumbing on the. On the Bachelor, the younger shows. I think that's very common. I think that's what they do. They're testing it out to see, you know, can I have this guy? Can I have that guy?

[Joan]

So they string it along everywhere.

[Kathy]

String it along. I think that is.

[Joan]

They didn't show etiquette. It's okay.

[Kathy]

I think Bachelor is all about breadcrumbing. I do younger, but for golden. And this is not going to be popular either. A couple of guys that I've dated or had dates with. They're not breadcrumbing. They just don't either have the time or inclination or I'm not it, whatever it is to commit. They want the attention. They want to go to dinner or they want to go to bed or whatever they want. But they, at our age, they don't really want to commit. I don't think that's breadcrumbing in the same way that it is with the young crowd. Do you agree with that?

[Joan]

I agree. I think that they just have different interests. Like they may have been married, they've had relationships. They are just not interested in something like really solid. They have other things in their lives. I don't think that's breadcrumbing. I think breadcrumbing is, is like more of a long term. And they, and they know what they're doing. Like they know that they're stringing someone along. They know they're not really interested, but they're not letting them go. They're giving them just enough, you know, not texting daily. Texting every other daily or whatever. Or not.

[Kathy]

But see, I don't think at our age that's. I agree with you, but I think at our age the same guy who can't take a selfie doesn't know how to breadcrumb.

[Joan]

Yeah.

[Kathy]

You know what I mean? He's just doing his best to get by. He's like, you know, I forgot to text. I couldn't find my phone. I turned my phone off.

[Joan]

Yeah.

[Kathy]

I mean truly. I just. But I do think breadcrumbing is a thing with the, with the youngins, as I call them. I don't like it.

[Joan]

So I think the reason, like, like we're saying, like what makes people do this? Like, I think the younger generation, they're doing it because they're still, you know, they're not ready to give it up. It feels good. Somebody is into them, you know, it's flattering. They haven't found somebody else. Maybe in our generation they're not doing it because they just can't find their phone.

[Kathy]

Yeah, exactly. That's what I mean. They don't mean the breadcrumb. They're just like you texted me two days ago, you know, I left my phone in the bottom of my golf bag.

[Joan]

I thought I text you back, but I forgot hit send that.

[Kathy]

Oh, I get that too. You know, but then it, you know what? I have to admit, maybe it's just again, they're just not that into me.

[Joan]

And then there's that. But that can't be nah nah, nah. All right, let's go with it.

[Kathy]

All right, what's the next one? John

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[Joan]

Next one. This is I think a little self explanatory. I I feel like I knew what it was. Beige Flag okay, so now it's not a red flag. It's not a green flag. It's just mildly odd behavior. Okay, now I'm going to give you one, an example of one, and you can chime in because I have others.

[Kathy]

Okay.

[Joan]

Collapse when the plane lands. I would die if the person next to me.

[Kathy]

Oh, I. Let me tell you something. I've. I have clapped. When the plane was tossing, turning, I thought I was dying. If I didn't die in the hospital last week, I thought I was dying on this airplane. Like I have. But the whole airplane's clapping.

[Joan]

Like I've experienced that before, too. The whole airplane?

[Kathy]

Yeah.

[Joan]

This is just the guy on a normal day, claps when it lands.

[Kathy]

I don't know. I think so. I've got my. I've got some. I had a few. You know this. I recently had a few dates with this guy. And I've got a new term I want. Can we coin it today? I wouldn't call them beige flags. I'm going to describe the behavior and then you tell me, because I think you're right. Beige flags pretty much are things that, you know, it's a little irritating, it's a little odd.

[Joan]

I said, I only eat white food, like pasta, bread. I'm like, that's. That's a beige flag.

[Kathy]

No, that's a red flag.

[Joan]

That's a red flag.

[Kathy]

I'm going to stuff.

[Joan]

He was really good looking, so I'm giving him the benefit of the douche.

[Kathy]

I'm stuffing spaghetti bolognese down that guy. No, I'm not playing that game. But let me, let me, let me ask you what you think. A guy. A guy. So my daughter. I told you this whole story. My daughter conned me. There might have been some alcohol involved again pre hospital. And she got me to go on this dating site. And this guy reached out to me and I'm telling you, Joan. Well, you know, because we've talked about it, he was ideal. His profile, it was like God had sent me this man. What do you. I want you to come up with a term for this because we're going to coin it. We're going to be famous, and we're going to be at Vanderpump Villa explaining this to everyone.

[Joan]

I love this. Okay, I'm ready. Go ahead.

[Kathy]

You. You're dating a guy. You see his profile. Everything is green flags. Like everything he wants everything. It's. You go out to dinner with him. It's amazing conversation. And then you start realizing that who he says he is is who he wants to be, not who he is.

[Joan]

Imposter. Impostoring?

[Kathy]

No. Is that imposter syndrome?

[Joan]

Well, kind of. He's pretending he's somebody he's not. No, pretending he's not what he wants to be.

[Kathy]

He's not pretending to. He thinks he is. He think. He thinks he is. He thinks he's all of those things. And I'm listening to it going, really? Because is this.

[Joan]

Give me an example of like, one of the things that he acted like he was, and you're like you're really not.

[Kathy]

Let's see, he would. He would call me and say,

[Joan]

you

[Kathy]

know, I want to take dance lessons. I want to travel with you. Oh, here's the best one. I haven't retired yet because I haven't found the woman yet that I want to. That is worth me giving up my job for. Because he's plenty of money. Right. This particular guy doesn't need money. But I haven't found the woman yet. And then says, but, you know, I think you could be the woman. At which point I say, you don't know me well enough. That is a red flag when someone says that. But then he. But then all he does is work. So. And it's like you say, you want those things. You want to travel. You said, I would love to travel. You're so much fun. He said that to me, I would love to travel with you. And yet when I said, I. Oh, okay, well, maybe we could plan a weekend trip. Well, you know, I. I work. He works like 8, 10 hours a day. So he thinks he's that guy, but in reality he isn't. Let's call it. I don't know. Can you come up with a good word?

[Joan]

Yeah, he wants it.

[Kathy]

I mean, he.

[Joan]

Delusionally. He's trying to be it. He just can't follow through with it.

[Kathy]

Wait a minute. He's not a used to guy.

[Joan]

He's a. Oh, you love the used to guys.

[Kathy]

I know. Wait, he's not a used to guy. He's not used to all these things. He's like, this is a wanna guy.

[Joan]

He's a wanna guy. He's a wannabe.

[Kathy]

A wannabe.

[Joan]

A wannabe. Wannabe syndrome.

[Kathy]

I don't know, but I wonder.

[Joan]

I think we can call it a syndrome.

[Kathy]

I think we'll call a syndrome. I think he needs an antibiotic. I'm into antibiotics these days. I don't know, I just.

[Joan]

I wonder.

[Kathy]

I would like people to reach out and if that's happened to them, because this guy, I'm telling you, on the surface and the first few Dates such an amazing man, but in reality, can't break free from work, can't take a vacation. He needs the security blanket syndrome, safety syndrome. I don't know. Can't change, doesn't want to change.

[Joan]

Like, he can't take it to the finish line. He can just talk about it. He wants it. He just can't get it to the finish line.

[Kathy]

A non finisher.

[Joan]

Yeah, a non finisher. That sounds a little sexual. I'm just saying.

[Kathy]

I wouldn't know. For someone his age, I mean, you know. Well, I mean, that's a whole nother thing. Or. Or, I mean, here's another one. All these men that say they don't need the little blue pill you got to get. We got to end this podcast because I'm gonna start going off here. When the men say I don't need the little blue pill. Yes, you do. You just don't know you do.

[Joan]

I think that I would love it if people wrote in and say, give us a good name for that, because I think it's a real thing. I don't think you're the only one experiencing that. I've certainly have gotten that feeling like you think it's a perfect guy, and then the more you date them, the less likely they are to do any of the things that they said they're going to do.

[Kathy]

You know what I want to take? I want to take his profile because I printed it out and correct it. I want to go. No, no. One time, half credit. Absolutely not. Like, I want to annotate. I want to annotate his profile and say, you know, buyer beware. Oh, God. Anyway, I don't know. Do we have fun again? Joan, I have to say, I've loved having you. I'm sorry I missed last week with you, but I know you and Jonathan had fun.

[Joan]

No, I missed you, but we had

[Kathy]

a great time, and I appreciate your interest and care about my health. You have been a great co host. I hope you'll come back and do it again.

[Joan]

I would love it. You know I would. I come back in a second. I love being with you. I love our conversations off camera, which we have all the time. But these are great questions, and it's fun to talk, to discuss this stuff with you.

[Kathy]

I know you plan to be here for a couple more episodes, but it looks like Susan is gonna be coming back, and this may be your last episode, at least for now. So give everyone in Bachelor Nation a little catch up. What are you up to? What's in your future? Give us the scoop.

[Joan]

So this next week, the rest of this week, I am going to be in New York City doing press for Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. My husband passed away from pancreatic cancer and so I do their press in New York leading up to the big fundraiser. It's a walk that's held in about 50 communities around the United States to raise awareness and funds for pancreatic cancer. So I'm doing that this week. I'm actually going to be on watch what happens live with Andy Cohen. I'm the bartender again this year. I did it last year and this year I'm doing it with Bailey Bailey, Bachelor Nation. Bailey is going to be on it with me. Her father passed away from pancreatic cancer also, and she's also part of Pancan, so we're doing that together. So that's this week. I. I have a great summer planned ahead and I. That means I have absolutely no plans because I have two granddaughters being born both in June and then I have a son getting married. So those are like kind of my long term things. And there'll be things sprinkled in there, here and there, Bachelor nation stuff, and, you know, a lot of fun things.

[Kathy]

But I have, you know, I have to ask for Bachelor Nation. What about Chalk? You got any plans to get together with him?

[Joan]

We have no, like, set vacations or anything. He knows I am on baby duty. And so we will be visiting each other probably in Kansas and Maryland for a little while until, like the family stuff is done. But then we are going to be on Bachelor nation at sea. The both of us will be there. So I think that's our next actual vacation plan.

[Kathy]

Is Chalk ready? You, me, Susan and Joan. I don't know who else of the Goldens is going, but Sandra's gonna be there. We are going to take the Goldens, are going to rule on that cruise. I can't wait.

[Joan]

It's gonna be so much fun. I can. I'm having a hard time actually picturing all these Bachelor Nation people in one place. I think it's gonna be. I mean, you see us together and we, you know, we're in groups of 5 and 6 and 10 people sometimes. This is like a half a ship. Like there's 50 of us going. This is gonna be so fun. So I'm thrilled. That's my big kind of vacation, like plan on the books right now. I'll probably, you know, have some beach days here and there. But that's like my big vacation plan. I can't wait.

[Kathy]

Well, you know, I'm coming to see you because I am actually judging the Miss New Jersey pageant for Miss America in a couple of months. So I'm gonna come see you and Susan, Nancy, we're all gonna hang out this summer and go golfing or whatever. So get, you know, we're going to the beach.

[Joan]

On the beach with the big, with the, with the drink is what I'm going to be doing.

[Kathy]

I'm not going, hopefully I'm drinking by then.

[Joan]

Yeah, yeah. You, we're gonna work on you. You, you'll be back, you'll be back in a week or so, I think.

[Kathy]

Well, thanks again, John. Really so glad.

[Joan]

My pleasure. So my, so much, my pleasure. Thanks for having me.

[Kathy]

You're so welcome. So everyone else, thanks again to all of you for joining us today on Bachelor Golden Hour.

[Joan]

Make sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts and you

[Kathy]

can follow Golden Hour on social media, Bachelor Happy Hour and Bachelor Nation. Until next week.

[Joan]

See you next time.

[Kathy]

Take care.

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