Marge and Barbara's Clam Chowder

Summary

Bad Friends – "Marge and Barbara's Clam Chowder"

Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Date: December 8, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode of Bad Friends, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino are joined by recurring cast members and, notably, Rudy Jules and her mother, culminating in an episode that’s equal parts absurdist improv, raunchy banter, and heartfelt cultural discussion. The duo riff on everything from family dynamics, ethnic identity, and food, to the idiosyncrasies of language and living situations. A major highlight is the imaginary lesbian restaurant "Snatch" – with signature dishes like "clam chowder" – where Marge, Barbara, and Rudy ad-lib wildly. The episode also mines deeper insights into Filipino culture, family, and the quirks of cohabitation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. In-Studio Dynamics and Ongoing Roasts

• Bobby and Andrew begin with playful arguing, drawing in the crew, including Andres and Rudy, in classic Bad Friends fashion. There's plenty of mocking, self-deprecation, and fast-paced banter.
• A running joke is leveled at Andres for being "pro-ICE" and their faux-hierarchical role on the podcast. Bobby and Andrew volley sharp jabs about career trajectories, family, and personal idiosyncrasies.
  • Notable quote:
    Bobby (to Andres): "If you were born in 1987, you'd be working at a laundromat right now." (04:01)

2. Buddy System and Health Scares

• The group discusses Carlos’s recent hospital visit due to a stomach virus. Andrew insists there’s a “buddy system,” so everyone must check in.
  • Notable exchange:
    Andrew: "Everyone has to call someone when something happens. We're on a buddy system, so never again." (08:42)

3. Music, Cultural Labels, & Identity

• The hosts wrangle over the differences between "Hispanic," "Latino," and "Latinx", discussing Spanish versus Latin American identity.
• Bobby jokes about being "ombre," referencing mixed heritage with a pun on hair coloring.
  • Notable quote:
    Andrew: "You're ombre, by the way. We should call mixed people ombres now." (12:22)
• The discussion transitions to Rudy's appearance on various other podcasts and dating life.

4. Rudy's Romantic Life, Pipeline to "Beach Boys"

• Rudy’s recent foray into dating, especially with a "half African-American surfer" from Laguna, becomes a bit. Bobby and Andrew then slip into a parody of young, beachy SoCal skater-surf lingo.
  • Improv segment: Skater bro talk-off between Bobby and Andrew, playfully one-upping each other about skateboarding tricks. (14:10–16:16)

5. Formula 1, Meeting Yuki Tsunoda & Language Shtick

• Andrew recounts meeting Japanese F1 driver Yuki Tsunoda. Bobby riffs on the stereotype of Asian drivers and slips into exaggerated impressions.
  • Notable moment:
    Andrew: "These guys, they're all tiny, tiny men. I didn't know they were that small." (16:50)
• They mock-interview as Yuki and Ron Howard, blending confusion about names, movies, race car terms, and iconic American films. (17:40–21:08)

6. Scent Gate: The Cologne Debate

• The hosts spar about who gets to wear which scent, poking fun at proprietary claims over cologne.
  • Notable quote:
    Bobby: "That's my scent." (29:22)
    Andrew: "What do you mean, my scent?" (29:23)
• The tangent spirals into discussing funky colognes and odors (including "cow cologne").

7. Food, Ethnic Gatherings, and Racial “Nights Out”

• Bobby explains why he doesn't invite Andrew to certain Asian gatherings, suggesting some spaces are intentionally "no whites allowed," which Andrew flips into a running joke.
  • Notable moment:
    Andrew: "And you get in your Hyundais and zip away and you don't call them rice rockets?" (33:27)
• They dissect the demographics of LA restaurants and what feels “diverse” or “authentic” about different spaces, riffing on places they've gone for grub.

8. Imaginary Queer Restaurants & Lesbian Improv

• A surreal, extended improv follows, where Bobby and Andrew become "Marge and Barbara," lesbian partners hosting at the restaurant "Snatch," riffing on menu puns ("clam chowder," "cream tubes," etc.). Rudy is invited to order with characteristically blunt sex jokes.
  • Notable moment:
    Bobby as Barbara: "Have you tried our clams? We sell clams and dirty tacos." (38:04)
• This segment also includes joke restaurant names like "Gargle" and "Sax" and various not-so-subtle innuendo. (36:21–39:17)

9. Heart-to-Heart with Rudy's Mom & Filipino Culture

• Rudy's mother (Honey) joins the bench, sharing about her life, sobriety, and running a bakery back in Cebu. She describes the struggles of living with Bobby and the never-ending battle against pantry ants.
  • Notable exchange:
    Honey: "It's really not my fault. It's his fault. He blames me for it…he puts [open food] in a pantry and ants come in." (54:59)
• Discussion covers Filipino breads, bakery names (Lola Fe/Honey’s), cigarette sales, and even the reality of dog-eating (“Our uncles [eat dog]. I saw…” 75:25).
• Bobby shares the story of a machete-wielding uncle, raising the stakes on "characters" you meet in Cebu.
  • Notable quote:
    Bobby: “There’s a man that sliced his brother in half. And he walks the street – my uncle.” (64:54)

10. Race, Colonization, and Local Tensions

• Bobby and Honey discuss the presence of Koreans in Cebu, issues of colorism, wealth disparity, and feelings of being looked down upon.
  • Honey: "They're richer than we are... but that doesn't make it right." (67:52)
• Andrew and Bobby reflect on how local hierarchies and colonial hangovers manifest in everyday social life.

11. Food Extremes and Filipino Gastronomy

• The team talks Filipino dishes and delicacies, from sinigang (sour soup) to balut (fertilized duck egg) and even pig’s blood and sautéed ants. Andrew recounts his visceral reaction to eating balut:
  • "I threw up. I couldn't. It's a fertilized duck egg. But you can see the duck." (74:10)

12. Language Games: Japanese Homonyms

• A brief but hilarious detour into Japanese, where similar-sounding words mean different things. They play a TikTok of a Japanese speaker highlighting how "ame" means both "rain" and "candy," "kaeru" means both "frog" and "to change," and "kata" means both "shoulder" and "stiff."
  • "Isn't this basically the thesis of this show?" – Andrew (73:00)

13. Sage Wisdom, Body Count, and Parting Shots

• Bobby asks Honey about her "body count" (number of lovers), and she reveals bits about her history with addiction.
• The episode closes with mother-daughter bonding, affectionate ribbing, and a classic Bad Friends group signoff:
  • "Thank you for being a bad friend!" (75:48)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------|---------| | 04:01 | "If you were born in 1987, you'd be working at a laundromat right now." | Bobby (to Andres) | | 08:42 | "Everyone has to call someone when something happens. We're on a buddy system, so never again." | Andrew | | 12:22 | "You're ombre, by the way. We should call mixed people ombres now." | Andrew | | 29:22 | "That's my scent." | Bobby | | 29:23 | "What do you mean, my scent?" | Andrew | | 33:27 | "And you get in your Hyundais and zip away and you don't call them rice rockets?" | Andrew | | 38:04 | "Have you tried our clams? We sell clams and dirty tacos." | Bobby as Barbara | | 54:59 | "It's really not my fault. It's his fault. He blames me for it…" | Honey (Rudy’s mom) | | 64:54 | "There’s a man that sliced his brother in half. And he walks the street – my uncle." | Bobby | | 67:52 | "They're richer than we are... but that doesn't make it right." | Honey |

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Buddy System & Health: 07:54–09:11
• Ethnic/Racial Banter: 12:07–13:30
• Rudy's Dating Life & Beach Boys: 13:55–14:39
• Skater Lingo Improv: 14:41–16:16
• Yuki Tsunoda & Driver Improv: 16:22–21:08
• Cologne/Scent Feud: 28:39–31:38
• Imaginary Restaurant (Snatch/Gargle): 36:21–39:17
• Rudy’s Mom Interview: 52:06–69:39
• Filipino Gastronomy & Balut: 73:35–74:15
• Japanese Language Tangle: 71:24–73:21
• Outro & Closing: 75:48

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Tone & Style

The tone is unfiltered, raucous, and self-effacing, veering from scatological humor and sexual innuendo to sincere moments of vulnerability and cross-cultural curiosity. The hosts play off each other's comedic strengths: Bobby’s manic absurdism and shamelessness, Andrew’s dry wit and incisive take-downs, all while roping in guests and family alike for maximum laughs.

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For New Listeners: Why Listen?

This episode captures Bad Friends’ best: fearless comedy, spontaneous juvenile riffs, and surprisingly honest discussions about identity, family, and belonging. Whether they're riffing about lesbian diners or the pitfalls of having snack ants, Bobby and Andrew trade barbs that are as heartfelt as they are hilarious, all while showcasing the extended “Bad Friends family.”

Transcript

[A]

Toast the holidays in a new way and raise a glass of Rumchata, a delicious creamy blend of horchata with rum.

[B]

Enjoy it over ice or in your coffee.

[A]

Rumchata. Your holiday cocktails just got sweeter. Tap or click the banner for more. Drink responsibly.

[B]

Caribbean rum with real dairy cream.

[A]

Natural and artificial flavors.

[B]

Alcohol 13.75% by volume 27.5 proof.

[A]

Copyright 2025, Agave Loco Brands, Pojoaquee, Wisconsin. All rights reserved.

Happy Holidays.

[B]

Happy holiday.

[C]

What are you doing?

[A]

Don't eat on camera because it's bad for the sound.

[B]

Bobby, you need new jokes. Go ahead, Andres, say what you want to say.

[A]

I have always wanted to say that.

I don't like Bobby. I hate him. And I'm running to quit for years. I don't like Rudy either, because I. I me, Andres Rosende, I don't like brown people at all. I'm pro ice. Andres Rosende.

[B]

Pro ice. I'm totally against ice, man, because I'm.

[C]

Why aren't you talking Free.

[B]

Free Palestine. I'm calling Free Palestine, man. What's going on with that stuff, man? I mean, because I'm a, you know, I'm on the right side of history.

[A]

People don't know, but secretly. I beat my wife. I'm Andres Rosende. I beat my wife.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Why don't you tell us what's going on with you, Rudy?

[B]

You're. You're a pod.

[A]

Traitor.

[B]

Bacon. You're the worst. You're not my boss. Andrew's my boss. You shut up. Your dad died. Oh, sorry.

[A]

Jesus Christ, dude. That's real.

[C]

That is crazy.

[A]

We're supposed to be in character.

[D]

You two are bad friends.

[A]

Who are these two idiots?

[B]

White dude and an Asian dude.

[E]

You two are disgusting.

[B]

You two or something.

[A]

We're bad friends.

[B]

Rudy can fail.

[E]

Hello.

[B]

Hello. I'm tr. You know what I'm doing? Been. Because she does knows nothing about music.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Because today I woke up and she's playing her like, you know what I mean? Japanese pop music or whatever. Whatever it is.

[A]

You mean Japanese Spanish.

[B]

You know, I'm listening to this stuff, right? And I go, do you know the history of music? And she goes, I'm open, right? So I'm going to make her a playlist.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Of things that I like throughout history.

[D]

Okay, but can you listen to her too?

[B]

Yeah, I already. That's her.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Now you like her.

[B]

I like her a lot. Yeah. Yeah, I like her a lot.

[A]

Yeah. I like her eyebrows. How does she do that with her Is that, like, shape? She shaves them like that. Yeah, that's.

[B]

There's a worm on her head. Is that a worm? That's what the kids are.

[A]

Oh, that's her trademark.

[B]

Oh, it is, okay. Yeah. Is she Hispanic?

[A]

She Spanish?

[D]

Yeah, Spanish.

[B]

That's Hispanic from Spain.

You draw the line. You're drawing the line again.

[A]

Wait a minute. She's Hispanic? Yeah. Is that not true?

[B]

No, it's true, but different than the other kind of Hispanic.

[A]

Hispanic means speak Spanish, so. Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. People from Spain are considered Hispanic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But not Latino.

[B]

Not Latino.

[A]

Latino, yeah. Latinos, as we know, are the true American. True Americans, yeah. That's a Latino right there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Actually, you're Latinx because you're being excommunicated from this podcast pretty soon.

[C]

What I do.

[B]

Here's what.

[C]

I was in the hospital this week.

[B]

Here's what Latinos are like. My dad's a doctor. I'm going to get into comedy.

Twenty years later, glory hole. My dad went to medical school and became a doctor. I'm going to go to glory holes, have prostitutes, do drug.

[C]

You're a drug addict.

[B]

You got lucky. You are so lucky.

[C]

You were born to be famous in the 90s. You are so lucky.

[B]

How am I lucky?

[C]

If you were born in 1987, you'd be like, working at a laundromat right now.

[A]

What if he was born in, like, that? What if he was born in, like, the. The 90s? What do you think his career would be?

[C]

He would have tried to be a writer on Parks and Rec and it never would have happened.

[A]

Whoa.

At best.

[B]

At best.

[A]

Who?

[B]

Slam. You're fired.

[A]

Slam Fest 2025.

[B]

Wow. You just got personally, huh?

[C]

Yeah, I had to fight back on that. Yeah, yeah. You're still here. There's a lot of people who are funnier than me that are doing nothing in LA now.

[A]

I would argue there's nobody funnier than you. How about that? I think you're one of the most talented people on.

[B]

The reason why I made fun of you is because I respect your talent. Manipulate.

[C]

It's emotional abuse. That's emotional abuse.

[A]

Now you know what you sound like right now?

[B]

What?

[A]

A truck backing up.

[B]

Beep, beep, beep. No, dude, I'm not beeping, dude.

[A]

Well, then go forward. No, you're not. You just backed out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not true.

I'm just stating facts. All right. Is it not true, right, that your father's a physician? That.

[C]

Yes, your honor, that's true.

[A]

Was.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

Was. Isn't he retired now.

[C]

No, he's. He's, like, barely older than Bobby.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. That's another slam. All right, that's fine. That's fine. Okay.

[E]

Single?

[C]

Kind of. Sometimes.

[A]

Will you slow down?

[B]

Slow down.

[A]

What are you in heat right now? Relax.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Stepmom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude, how funny. If she became Carlos's stepmom, one of the funniest things on earth, I would.

[B]

Just have, you know, I mean, a jacket bomb at the wedding, and I would just pull. Everyone dies.

[C]

Al Qaeda.

[A]

Is that your closer? Jacket bomb.

[B]

Yeah. Anyway, so let's go back to court. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your dad's not a physician.

[C]

He is.

[B]

He is, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A very highly respected one. Correct, Correct. What kind of physician is he?

[C]

Cancer.

[B]

Cancer. The virgin. That.

[A]

Cancer surgeon.

[B]

That's incredible.

[A]

And he still smokes, right?

[C]

No, he does.

[B]

That's. That's top. That's top doctor.

[A]

Cancer surgeon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't even know if there's someone above him. I know, man. Who owns hospital. Who's above that guy?

[C]

That guy?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And who owns hospital?

[B]

Right. So respected this and that went to how. How many years?

[C]

You're like a dentist of that world.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, dude.

[C]

Orthodontist for junior high kids.

[A]

Are you. Are you saying he's like a dental hygienist? He's not even a dentist. Is that what you're trying.

[C]

Very midlevel.

[E]

Damn.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

By the way, shout out to my dental.

[B]

Okay. If I'm a dental hygienist. You're. What are you.

[E]

You.

[B]

You wash the tables in the lobby in comedy.

[C]

Yeah, no, I'm like the. The assistant or something.

[B]

Okay. In the.

[A]

Or.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, I'm doing.

[B]

You know what? I can't wait for my special to come out and prove you wrong. Oh, here we go.

[C]

This is going to be the whole model. All 20, 26 when it comes out. You'll see all the reviews.

[A]

Y.

[E]

It.

[B]

No, he might. Some people might not like it, but I'm just saying. You know what I mean? You're against me.

[C]

I'm.

[B]

Yeah. You're against me. No, this. He's against me. Dude.

[C]

You're making a false ghost in front of you to chase Andrew.

[B]

Is he against me? Andrew. When the attack before. Right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Was. Truths.

[A]

Oh, only truths.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And so it's like. I don't think that I was. You know, I mean, I think you're a very complex, dynamic, artistic guy. Right. That script that you wrote was fucking amazing.

[C]

The one you didn't read.

[B]

I did read it.

[A]

I read it.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Andrew read it.

[B]

I know. I read it, too.

[C]

Oh, I didn't know you read it.

[B]

Yeah, I loved it. Why did I tell Abby I like this?

[C]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[B]

Got it wrong. Okay, so what I'm saying is that I think that you're talented, right?

[C]

But you're telling everyone that I'm like.

[B]

A loser because I didn't say that.

[C]

Headlining.

[B]

I didn't say that.

[C]

So unrealistic, if that's what I was.

[B]

Saying, is that it was more toward Andreas because of the Latino thing.

[A]

Now, let's. Let's skip it here. Stop backing up the truck.

[B]

All right. I came in a little hot. I'm sorry, but I'll be honest with you.

[A]

Your knives are so sharp today. I don't think I've seen you this keen. What is it?

[C]

You went to the hospital on Monday night. I went to the hospital and I've been in my place for like, two.

[A]

How come I didn't get a phone call? What's going on?

[C]

I didn't want to stress you out.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

What's going on?

[C]

Acting concerned.

[A]

Take two.

[B]

Just give me a sec. Just give me that.

[A]

You can't even fake it.

[B]

I can fake it.

[A]

And three, two, one, one.

What?

[B]

Did he laugh? Ready? One more. Take one, two, three. What's going on?

[C]

I got a stomach virus and I was it.

[A]

It was. Shut the.

[B]

Shut the up.

[A]

You're ruining the moment.

[C]

I have health insurance. I can go to the hospital.

[B]

Did you eat something bad?

[C]

Yeah, I think I did. And it me up and I had to go get IVs all night.

[A]

Are we talking like blood and stool again?

[C]

No, it wasn't blood.

[A]

Which. All right.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Let me tell you something.

[C]

I was embarrassed.

[A]

We're on a buddy system on this show. Everyone has to call someone when something happens. We're on a buddy system, so never again.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

We have to buddy system. Yeah.

[B]

I've always said that. Yeah, we're on a buddy system. Dude, how are you? What's going on?

[A]

You were embarrassed?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why were you embarrassed?

[B]

He's going to the hospital every week.

[C]

Yeah. I didn't want you to think I was up to no good.

[B]

What is going on with you? Health wise? We've got to fix that.

[C]

I think I'm too thin and I don't eat enough. So when I get. Yeah, it fucks me up. And.

[B]

And you're wearing Amish clothing. Where do you get that shirt?

[A]

It's an old umpire in the 40s.

[B]

What do you do? You work in Xanadu? Like, where do you get that shoe? McCone loved that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't ever wear that again.

[A]

That shirt is what?

[B]

It's what? Fire?

[A]

It's not fire.

[B]

We don't say that word on the show anymore. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Huh? It's Anderson Cooper.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. That's not Anderson Cooper. That's otherworldly.

[A]

That's Jake. Jake Trapper or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, Jake Tapper.

[A]

I got to tell you something.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

You gotta call buddy system. But you do need to get your health in check.

[C]

Yeah, I haven't been eating a lot.

[A]

Brother, you gotta wake up, take a walk, get something to eat. Get your system back. I mean, exercise, I think I definitely want you to do, but eat. You gotta eat, dog.

[C]

You gotta live more like Andrew and not like Bob.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not.

[B]

I'm not listening.

[C]

You're projecting on what you would do in this situation.

[D]

You're not listening.

[A]

I'm not saying I'm the. I don't know. I'm not saying I know better. I'm saying, but for you as your friend, you do have to eat better. You do have to, like. You've got to change your diet. You can't eat fudgeing once every other day.

[C]

Yeah, that's how I eat.

[A]

Yeah, that's airline smoothies.

[C]

And I chill, dude.

[A]

That's not good.

[C]

No, I'm not depressed. I like my life.

[A]

You're afraid of getting fatter and older. You're afraid of turning into Andres.

[C]

Older than me as a hot wife.

[A]

Older. Yeah. Has a hot wife. Has a beautiful child.

[C]

I kind of want to be like Andres one day.

[A]

Got new hair. I mean, everything is worth damn. Well, so this. So maybe it's being in the booth. Booth with him that's like. You up? Oh, should. Should we move you out of the booth and get your own section?

[B]

I could. I would because Andre is thriving.

[A]

He really is. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, he's grown into. I don't look him like a porg anymore.

[A]

What do you look at him at now?

[B]

Like the baby version of the stay puff Marshmallow. Marshmallow.

[A]

Cutest thing on earth.

[B]

Yeah, it's the cutest thing on earth. You know what I mean? Thank you. Yeah.

[A]

My favorite thing is when your glasses fog. That's probably one of the.

[B]

My favorite. Cuz I sweat. I didn't know eyes could sweat.

[A]

I've never seen that before. Yeah, I thought that was only Cambodians.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Speaking of Cambodians, Rudy Jules is back in the studio.

[B]

Thank God, everybody.

[A]

And you Know who else she brought? Who'd she bring?

[B]

Her mom, but let's get her later.

[A]

We'll get her later. That's fine. Your mommy's here.

[B]

Your mom's here.

[A]

Are you excited to see your mommy here?

[B]

Would he live together here in the studio?

[A]

Here in the studio.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, but she's scared.

[A]

Shouldn't be. Shouldn't be.

[B]

Yeah, she should.

[A]

Should be. Yeah.

[B]

Should be scared because I know things.

[A]

Scared of me? Hell, yeah.

[B]

Oh, have you met her?

[D]

No.

[A]

Yeah, I think. Didn't I meet her once?

[D]

I don't think so.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I have to limit my brown people that I meet every year. I think I'm up to like, seven. I might be at the roof.

[B]

You're at the roof. You're too, too, too much, I think.

[A]

Too, too over.

[B]

Yeah, you gotta. You gotta cut two of them out.

[A]

I will. That's fine.

[B]

Yeah. I better be, not being one of them.

[A]

No, of course you're not brown, buddy.

[B]

I'm not yellow.

[A]

You're actually more. You know what you are? You know what you are because of your new health, newfound health and body style. Yeah, I think you're more like. You're ombre.

[B]

I'm Hispanic now.

[A]

No, not an ombre.

[B]

An ombre.

[A]

Ombre means like the. The color that, like, changes into another one. Right. I like ombre like hair. Like you shift colors. You're not all one unified color.

[B]

Thank you. Like a mixed person.

[A]

100. You're ombre, by the way, we should call mixed people ombres now.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Before we bring in your mom. Okay. How's it going?

[D]

Good.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Came with the fire, huh? She brought the heat.

[B]

She's out on prowl.

[A]

Well, here's what she's also doing. She's on every other podcast on Earth.

[D]

No, I'm not.

[A]

Yeah, you are.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

The cute, young, handsome guy. Who's the young, handsome guy?

[B]

Zach Justice.

[A]

Zach Justice. You're with that mega babe. I see you with that guy all the time.

[B]

How many times have you done it with him?

[D]

Like 12 times.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Trash Tuesdays. How many?

[A]

Weekly.

[B]

Weekly?

[D]

Yeah, weekly.

[B]

A lot.

[A]

Sometimes she pops into belly.

[B]

Sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

But that's like a family podcast.

[A]

So is this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And this is your original family now. You went off. You know what? This is what happened. You got to college, just like all these little brats do. And you abandoned your original family that grew you, that nurtured you, the ones that raised you, that cared about you. And you floated off to a cool family to Hot Zack Justice.

[D]

No, I didn't.

[B]

Yeah, you changed.

[A]

You changed.

[D]

So Bobby told me to do it, so I said I.

[B]

What?

[A]

No, he did it. You were on call when we.

[B]

I'm your lawyer.

[A]

He's your lawyer.

[B]

Okay. I was just like, pump it up.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know?

[B]

I mean, she deserved more. Pump it up. I don't know the lingo.

[A]

That's solid.

[B]

Bump up the jam. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[A]

What's been going on with you? Life's good.

[B]

She's been going on dates. You went. Drove all the way to what? Redondo. Where'd you go?

[D]

To Laguna.

[B]

Laguna. To meet the guy that you like?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. The handsome, young, half African American boy.

[A]

Yeah. Surfer.

[D]

He's learning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You like that guy? You like?

[B]

Cute. He. He's like, pull up a photo.

[E]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't want.

[B]

He's like a Jaden Smith kind of a. Oh, you know. I mean, one of those.

[A]

Artsy.

[B]

Artsy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. There he is.

[B]

There he is right there.

[A]

Is that Leonard Robinson? Who is that?

[B]

That's like Tyrion Re. Wow, look at that. But you like the surf life.

[A]

You like guys that are beach. Beach guys, too.

[D]

Beachy, where they're just, like, so dumb and, like, white.

[B]

Now, when. Now when you went on a date with them recently, did you. Where'd you guys go?

[D]

You went to the beach.

[A]

Okay, so he's a beach guy.

[B]

Yeah. Do you think that, like, black surfers talk like this?

[A]

I have met a couple black surfers. I mean, I know a couple black skaters that talk like that. They're very like, what up, dog?

[B]

Yeah, what's up, dude?

[A]

What's up, bro?

[B]

Yeah, I love that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can hit shred the Nard, dog.

[B]

Yeah, dude, I just did a laser flip, dude, off the bank.

[A]

Dude, are you tripping right now? Dude? No, I did.

[B]

Dude, I nollied it.

[A]

Dude, you didn't hard flip Cove Avenue.

[B]

Dude, I didn't hard. I said I laser flipped.

[A]

Yeah, but I hard flipped it, dog. So come see about.

[B]

Oh, you did a hard flip at Cove Avenue.

[A]

First of all, dude, first. First trick at Cove. I was one that broke Cove, bro.

[B]

Dude, check.

[A]

Everybody knows Cody broke, dude.

[B]

Dude. Dude, check out my baker video.

[A]

Dude, your baker session is so weak.

[B]

Dude, Chris Cole just said it was fucking dope, dude.

[A]

I'll call him right now. I'll call him right now.

[B]

Oh, first of all, okay, what year did you do that, dude, when you hard flipped the bank?

[A]

Dude, 88, dude, everybody knows.

[B]

Oh, I remember that. That was Sick.

[A]

Sick. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. My guy.

[B]

Yeah. You did that for Zero Skateboards, dude, When you were signed by them, right?

[A]

I was signed by Zero and I got dropped and. Well, you want to bring it up because you're being a punk ass.

[B]

Yeah, dude. How come you're not signed now, dude?

[A]

Aren't you still riding Flow? I heard you're riding Flows.

[B]

By Flow you mean Killer Wheel.

[A]

No, you're riding.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You're getting floated.

[B]

They gave me four new trucks, dude.

[A]

Okay, dude.

[B]

All right, dude. And also, I'm still kind of like co sponsored by Bayrakhan at some.

[A]

How about this, dude? I saw your board in Pacific Sunwear. You sick, dude.

[B]

I told.

[A]

I saw your complete for sale to.

[B]

Yank that board from Pacific Sun.

[A]

Still there, dude.

[B]

Yeah, I know it is, dude. But you know what, dude? It's selling well, dude would be, dude.

[A]

Hack. Sellout. Fart. Oh.

[B]

Where's your board, dude?

[A]

What, dude?

Oh, yeah, I just forgot to tell you. What? I wanted to take a picture. I met Yuki Sonoda yesterday.

[B]

Oh, my God. Who is that?

[A]

Seriously?

[B]

Yeah, I don't know who.

[A]

Oh, my God. One of the greatest F1 drivers in. Oh, I met.

[B]

You know that stereotype that Asians can't drive? Look at this, man.

[A]

He's crashed three times this year.

[B]

Really? He's.

[A]

No, no, no. He's literally one of the best F1 drivers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In the planet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm not kidding when I say this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

120 max pounds. Look at how much he weighs. He. They are all tiny, tiny men. I didn't know they were that small.

[B]

Like jockeys in a way.

[A]

119. That's what I said. 120.

[D]

I'm heavier than him.

[A]

You're bigger than him.

[D]

That's crazy.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

These guys.

[B]

That's him.

[A]

That's him again. With an NBA player. Yeah, with Porzingis.

[B]

That looks like a.

[A]

That's me and Brad Williams.

[B]

That's insane. So how tall is he? The tall guy?

[A]

7. 7.

[B]

3. 7 3. And then Yuki is how tall?

[A]

5 3.

[B]

Oh, wow, that's. So I would look like that in front of him.

[A]

100. You and Yuki would be. Could see eye to eye.

[B]

Dude, me?

[A]

I'm not kidding. You're almost the exact same height. Because I went to.

[B]

I'm taller than Yuki.

[A]

Well, I saw him from behind. I almost hugged him thinking it was you.

This guy's the fucking man, though.

[B]

Did you say hi to him?

[A]

Yeah, but I was nervous because, like, he's like. It's so funny. I don't know enough about F1.

[B]

All right, so I'm Yuki. What happened?

[A]

Yeah, you are.

[B]

Tomorrow I have to.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

Give me the voice.

[A]

It's not guttural, it's high pitched.

[B]

Because he's tomato. I have to.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Tomorrow I have to do the F1 race around Nashville. Race Course.

[A]

It's in Vegas.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

God, I hope he doesn't see this. Go ahead.

[B]

I. You are going to interrupt me because you're.

[A]

I'm letting you fly.

[B]

You. You know. Anyway, the carburetor in my engine, not good.

[A]

What's wrong with your. Let's start this the right way. Okay.

[B]

I don't know the terminology.

[A]

Hey, Yuki, I'm a. I'm a huge fan. I just want to say good luck this weekend. I think you're gonna.

[B]

I love you, too.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I love Cocoon, the movie Cocoon. Yeah, yeah. Apollo 13.

[A]

Love.

[B]

Great director. You.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Very good director. Rahawa.

[A]

Why, yes, I am Raha. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Your wife, your daughter, Bryce Dallas.

[A]

Bryce Dallas?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Very good.

[B]

Yeah. She from Dallas?

[A]

No, she's not from Dallas.

[B]

Oh, why Dallas?

[A]

It's where JFK got shot.

[B]

Oh, and that's my favorite assassination.

[A]

Me, too. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Very good.

[A]

Very good one.

[B]

Right? Because who did it? No one know. Right. But let me ask you something, right? Where was your daughter born? Where?

[A]

Where? Yeah, she was born in la.

[B]

Why not Bryce? La. Howard, then.

I mean, Dallas is so arbitrary and, you know, I mean, like, what the.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Here.

[A]

Well, it's one of my favorite cities in the United States. Oh, why?

[B]

Because of the jfk.

[A]

JFK shooting.

[B]

I tell you now, why would go.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

I tell you. No, I go.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Yeah. Baby Doll Strip club there.

[A]

Oh, Baby Dolls.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love baby.

[B]

It was good.

[A]

It's very good.

[B]

Very nice.

[A]

Oh, good boy.

[B]

Yeah, I like roast beef.

[A]

I'd like to leave the party now. Goodbye.

[B]

No, stay with me.

[A]

No, please, God.

[B]

I want to talk about Apollo 13.

But seriously. Yeah, seriously about it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. How hard was it to direct Kevin Bacon?

[A]

Bacon was pretty great.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Tamahako.

[B]

Yeah. Tama Hanko. Very good. He never either. When he do, you know, I don't know how to run.

[A]

Oh, Tom Hanks.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

What that movie called Forrest Gump.

[B]

Ford is sitting. Gum.

[A]

Yeah. Ford.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Very good.

[B]

Very. I don't know, you know. And you got the leg clamp.

[A]

Yeah. Yes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Very good movie. You know what I mean? No, yeah, Very good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You didn't direct that?

[A]

Did not do that. No.

[B]

Who? I know who. Direct who.

[A]

Yeah. Mr. Zemeckis.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's how you set up Zemeckis.

[A]

Zemeckis, yeah.

[B]

Anyway, what are you working on now?

[A]

I am working on Shrek 5 where we do.

[B]

Oh, I love it.

[A]

Thank you. Yeah.

[B]

Very good, very good.

[A]

You do the donkey. Do the impression of the. Of the donkey.

[B]

You do first. I do second. I never see movie. Come on.

[A]

Come on, Shrek.

[B]

Come on. You go Shrek.

[A]

Pretty good.

[B]

Very good, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We cast you because we have donkey in Japan.

[A]

You do?

[B]

Yeah. Am I Japanese?

[A]

You are.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Me and the donkey.

[A]

You have a lot of donkeys?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And what do you do with them?

[B]

Ramen. You know ramen?

[A]

I love ramen.

[B]

We will put donkey ramen. Oh, you never had donkey ramen?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, you're very good. Very good. Very good, very good. After that, I did donkey ramen.

[A]

I go around the track and you drive faster.

[B]

Yeah. The carburetor and the combustion.

[A]

Very good, very good.

[B]

Yeah. Bye.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I gotta tell you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I felt like I was back in MAD tv. Like you were the most racist you were. That you were going for it. That's what you used to do in the. On MAD tv.

[B]

Some of it.

[A]

Yeah. I loved it. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's when you just put your foot on the gas and let it rip. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I think I took my people back about 100 years.

[A]

Maybe two or three. Couple hundred.

[B]

I feel bad about it.

[A]

No, Worth it.

[B]

I'm just doing an impression of what I think the guy sounds like.

[A]

Yeah. He does not.

[B]

But yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I'm. I'm you. You're the guy.

[A]

I'm Yuki Shino. You're me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, go ahead.

[B]

Well, can I. I gotta play you, right?

[A]

Yeah, you be me.

I knew it.

[B]

Let me do it.

[A]

Yeah, go ahead.

[B]

Taylor. Very good. Very good, Taylor.

Let me do it right. Travis.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Wow. Oh, Yuki, big fan.

[A]

Thank you very much.

[B]

Whoa. Whoa, man. I didn't know you didn't have an accent.

[A]

That's a little racist. I'm. I was born in Dallas.

[B]

Oh, you were?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. Bye, Taylor.

You know what I got, dude? What? You know what?

[A]

I got a man of the people. And I got the people's pizza from Domino's inside of here. Pepperoni Italiano, sausage, green peppers, mushrooms and onions especially. Pizza was named after our customers. They named it after you guys because it represents the most Ordered five topping. Build your own pizzas. And there they are in all of their fashion. My favorites are Italian sausage and green peppers. And they put that on there and you also get a bonus with a little bit of pepperoni and some onions and mushrooms. So good.

[B]

I have to say.

[A]

Tell me.

[B]

Domino's is stepping up their game. It's now high. More high end.

[A]

It's high end. You know why? Because you can't say domino's without saying mm.

[B]

Exactly. You know what I got here, guy? The one I only eat.

[A]

That's the only one that you like. You eat the same one every time.

Feast. It's topped with pepperoni, ham, Italian sausage, beef, all sandwiched between how many layers?

[B]

2,200% not fake. It's real.

[A]

Mozzarella.

[B]

A lot of places use fake.

[A]

Say it. Mozzarella.

[B]

Mozzarella.

[A]

So do yourself a favor and get yourself some dominoes right?

[B]

Right now. Dude. Get it. Rocket Money. You saved me so much money on Rocket Welcome. You know why? Because I was bleeding out, dude.

[A]

You were. I thought.

[B]

Yeah. I had so many apps and stuff that I wasn't even aware of and even packages coming to my house that, like, you know, I mean, they constructions. I didn't even know how to do it. But Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

[A]

And Rocket Money will even help negotiate to lower your bills for you. The app is going to automatically scan bills to find opportunities to save and get you much better deals. You've heard of Rocket Money, and if you have a goal, you're saving. Where Rocket Money can analyze your accounts to find the best time each month to put money aside. Rocket Money has saved users over $2.5 billion.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Including over 880 million in canceled subscriptions. Like Bobby alone, their 10 million members have saved up to $740 a year when they use all the apps. Premium features. If you have a lot of subscriptions, like all of us, you got to get Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to Rocket Money.com bad friends today.

[B]

That's RocketMoney.com/bad friend.

[A]

RocketMoney.com bad Shopify.

[B]

You know, we have a small business here at Bad Friends, and we only use the best. And we use Shopify because it's reliable and it's the best. Shopify's point of sale system is a unified command center for your retail business. It brings together in store and online operations across up to a thousand locations.

[A]

Honestly, let's face it, acquiring new customers is expensive. And with Shopify POS you can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experiences and first party data that give marketing teams a competitive edge.

[B]

In fact, it's proven based on a report from EY businesses on Shopify's POS see real results like 22% better. Total cost of ownership and benefits equivalent to an 8.9% uplift in sales on average relative to the market set surveyed.

[A]

You know what? Shopify is the best. You've heard us talk about it before. If you are running a small business, no matter the size, could be. Could be huge. It doesn't matter. But no matter what you're doing, you need to be doing it with Shopify. Get all the big stuff for your small business. Right with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com bad friends go to shopify.com bad friends shopify.com bad friends.

[B]

I was watching tik Tok today and.

It was really concerned about something.

[A]

What?

[B]

You're not going to be able to see it because I have my algorithms up. But.

I don't. I don't. There's not a better way to say. I'm just going to say it. Elephant ghosts.

You're not going to be able to see it online.

[A]

Is this a sequel.

Karate ghost?

[B]

Yeah. Can I tell you something about elephant ghosts?

[C]

Right.

[A]

Into the room.

[B]

All right.

[A]

So many puns inside of that.

[B]

Yeah. Every time you do that. You know what I mean?

[A]

Let's address that.

[B]

No, I'm gonna. The only way I could it.

[A]

You stepped right on a great joke.

[B]

Do it again.

[A]

Nah, it's okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Can I explain? You're not gonna be able to google it. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. What is it?

[B]

I'm gonna tell you. Okay. So scientists have figure out that elephants, you know when they make their sound.

How do you do it?

Is that right? Right? Each brrr. That they do.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Is a lot of. It's a name of another elephant.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

Yes. So they can go and another one go. It's like Randy.

[A]

Oh, it's just for one guy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Jonathan. Right. So what they did they up one day, the scientists, right. They recorded an elephant, right. And then they went to a herd just to experiment. Right? And they did the sound. Right. But what they didn't realize is that elephant had died.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

So all the other elephants were freaked the out like ghost Right.

[A]

So they tricked elephants of thinking that ghosts are real.

[B]

Wait, by accident. And then the daughter of that elephant, for a month was looking for her mom.

[A]

Is this a documentary?

[B]

No, I saw it on Tick Tock.

[A]

This is like the saddest I've ever heard of.

[B]

I know. I tell you, I. It's. It's. It's ghost elephants, man.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

It's insane.

[A]

So it called out. It called out the name. And the elephant tried to find. It's.

[B]

Yeah, the kid. The kid of the elephant tried to find the mom. Like, may, she's alive. Oh, I know. Is that sad. Like, remember what you recorded is the lesson, I think.

[A]

God, that's so dark to think, though. That's how. They're very intelligent.

[B]

They're intelligent, too. So they're like. Half of them were freaked out because imagine, they know instinctually that this elephant had died, right? Then they hear it, right? And they're like, what is going on here?

[A]

Yeah, that would. That. That's not cool. That makes me think in some weird, we're in a simulation way that the reason that we have ghosts or the thought of ghosts is because something above us is playing with us.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Am I wrong? Same idea. Someone's fucking with us. Someone is puppeteering us. You know what you want to know? If you want to know how I know the world is simulation or it's organized through coordination. I went to the fucking mall today to go get. To go get my cologne refilled.

[B]

Whoa, whoa, stop.

[A]

What?

[B]

What?

[A]

I went to.

[B]

You went to La Labo at the mall at La Labo.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, because what's a clone again?

[A]

La Labo.

[B]

No, what's the clone that you get there?

[A]

I'm not going to tell you. No, because you keep trying to.

[B]

Jack. I know. Tell me what the clone is.

[A]

It's. Well, first of all, it's a mix of two. And I'm not going to tell you.

[B]

You got to tell me the.

[A]

I make them mix two of them.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Not going to tell you. It's for me. She makes it for me.

[B]

I know, but I like it. You have so many do it together.

[A]

You fudgeing have so many.

[B]

Why can't we do it together?

[A]

No, because that's the thing.

[B]

That's the thing about you. You'd never want to do things together.

[E]

Fudge you.

[A]

When you had. First of all, you.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[A]

You banned me from wearing Santal because you were like, I wear it first. You can't wear it.

[B]

Yeah, that's my scent.

[A]

What the fuck Are we talking about. What do you mean my scent?

[B]

That's not your scent. You combine two. Yeah, I made my own. I know, but the thing is that you can't combine two.

[A]

Yes, I can.

[B]

That's everyone's scent. If you combine two.

[A]

No, it's nobody.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Give me the two.

[A]

Dude, I'm going to back right on. You're pooping. You're trying to angle me to give it away.

[B]

Let me just say something. I didn't know that you can combine whites.

[A]

Need it. Because we smell bad. You guys have your own natural scent. We need it.

[B]

Like what?

[A]

Pipe up, white. Yeah, we smell bad. We smell bad.

[B]

We need their pits Smell bad.

[A]

Our whole body.

[B]

I hate it.

[A]

You don't need it.

[B]

Yeah, but I do and I don't. It's just out of curiosity. No one at home do this.

[A]

That's white body you're doing. White body.

[D]

Has like a scent that smells like cow.

It's like the best thing in the world.

[A]

What's it called?

[D]

I don't know. Smells so bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait, you bottled. You said someone bottle that for you?

[B]

No, I went to a farm.

Bend over cow.

[A]

What is it called?

[B]

I don't know what it's called. I'll bring it in next time.

[A]

But it's pull up cow cologne. It's for cowboys.

I mean really though, what is this? You, you, you. It just smells awful.

[B]

It doesn't smell like cow. It smells like a. Like a dirty barn.

[D]

It smells like cow.

[A]

There's one a manure selling cement smoke out Baruz Ru Al Assam tell go.

[B]

The go go down the lane.

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What you're saying I'm designed a cologne.

[D]

Man.

[A]

And it will smell like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Smell. It's new, Del.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so just. Okay, we'll bleep it out.

[A]

No, Bob, you're so rude. It's the one thing, it's. You're so rude. Your scent is personal to you. It's personal to you.

[B]

Okay, well if you're gonna be like that, I will hide things too.

[A]

Like what?

[B]

There's just certain things that I know but I would like to share with. I don't even know anything specifically.

[A]

You hide all sorts of. Most of the time. If I say do you want to go get. We're going to get something to eat after this. You want to come eat? And you go. No, I'm going to go. I'm going to go do whatever. Then I'll find out that you're at a restaurant alone or with a group of other People don't. I do that. We find out that you'll go out with other people, sneak away, go to places without us.

[B]

Because with the whites, it's different.

[A]

Oh, well then. Oh, so it's a race thing.

[B]

It really is. And you know what? I'm not ashamed. And guess what? But I'm not ashamed of sharing my heritage with our audience. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

There are times when you're with other Koreans and Asians, some Chinese and some others. Right. But from our land, our continent.

[A]

Okay. You're not included, by the way. Don't try to shoehorn yourself.

[B]

Yeah. You're adrift in the ocean.

[A]

We call you floater. Stay out there. Floaters.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

So there are times where. And they're mostly people that are comics or in the.

[A]

Mostly comics that are Asian writers and stuff like that.

[B]

And it's like they go, hey, let's go somewhere after set. And I see you and I'm like, I just know that Andrew will not like this place because it's so far from our house.

[A]

Judgy. Judgy.

[B]

Yeah. So we'll go to like, sun and Dang. Don't you love sun and Dang? Although you guys got diarrhea the other night.

[D]

Yeah, but I still love it.

[B]

Yeah, I love it too. I'll have it every time. But it's a late night place. It's great. You're not gonna like it. I'm not gonna invite you.

[D]

You've never been to Sunungdan.

[A]

But you see what he did. Where did we go? With me, you and where was that at? Where was that place?

[B]

Agassi gopjang. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't eat.

[A]

Why would I. What? Yes, I did.

[B]

Barely.

[A]

We had just come from dinner. I literally had dinner.

[B]

I know, but I said, where are you? I said, I watched you. I watched you and it's like. You know what I mean? I don't like that.

[A]

Don't do that. Fake. You know, I love. I love Korean barbecue. I love it. I'll go to Chup Gonggang. I'll go to wherever the you want me to go.

[B]

Okay, go to Ch.

[A]

But. But you gotta. But here.

[B]

We'll go to Sudan.

[A]

No, I know what. I know what it really is. Here's the real truth. You get together with. With, you know, the yellow crew and you guys all huddle up and you're like, no whiter. No white.

And you get in your Hyundais and you zip away and you don't call them rice rockets.

[B]

Okay?

We drive away. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you. And you Guys, you enjoy the night without the whites. That's what it is. It's a night.

[B]

Can we have a night without the whites?

[A]

You have them all the time.

[B]

No, I don't. Your house, you're surrounded by them.

[A]

Your house is filled with no whites.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's filled with non whites.

[B]

Yeah. We went to a restaurant last night with Louis Katz, and he's like, I made a reservation. You know what I mean? And I knew once he. When Louis Cat says, I made a reservation, Jewish deli. It's. It's a white place. And we go in there. I can't tell you what it is because. And we sat there, and you look around the room, it's all old white people, which is fine. I love. I'm. I'm a man of people, you know?

[A]

I mean, how old whites are we talking?

[B]

Like, anywhere from, like, 50 to 80. So I belong to age range. Right. But not in terms of culinary tastes and flavors. And I did not like it. But. And everyone is enjoying it. And. And I. And I. I'm always aware of, like, the demographics of a restaurant. You never. You don't do that.

[A]

You want young, non.

[B]

I'll give you a prime example. I was. I went to a breakfast spot, which is my favorite one, the one we. I mentioned the last time, the griddle. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was with my. This girl that I'm seeing, she's white. And we're sitting there, she's very liberal, and she's very open, and we're having pancakes and whatnot. Right. And we both turn to each other and go, this is. Feels like America to me.

[A]

Because you're allowed to share pancakes with someone.

[B]

No, no, no. Just if you look at the demographics of the room, right. You know, you have this gigantic Samoan guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You have the two, you know, me, college white girls. And they see like, you know, a black guy with a white family. I mean, just. Just, you know, I mean, just like.

[A]

A black guy who kidnapped a white family.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Like the movie Precious. Not movie Precious. What's the one about with Sandra Bullock?

[A]

Blindside.

[B]

Blindside. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Very different film.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, at their core.

[B]

Yeah. At the.

[A]

Yeah, they're similar. I mean, that football player did end up getting HIV in that movie.

[B]

Yeah. Before the hiv. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, you know, you see the Blind side stuff, you know, I mean.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like, oh, this what.

[C]

Just to call it that is insane.

[A]

We should have a restaurant called the Precious. Blindside.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How good would that place be?

[B]

Yeah. But it feels like, oh, this is kind of the America I want to live in.

[A]

Sure. A diverse America.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The middle West.

[A]

Hollywood.

[B]

Hollywood. Yeah.

[C]

Very American.

[B]

Yeah. I. I understand that because of the location that I live and the state that I live in that it might not look like where McComb grew up. Right. But I can dream. Can I?

[C]

You can.

[A]

I used to love eating it at those gay restaurants in West Hollywood. And they're literally all gone. They're literally all gone. Yeah, like basics and they're all gone. All those things are gone, like, come and go.

[B]

That's a. That was so good.

[A]

Rump and Dump.

[B]

And dump was so good. Their beefcakes. They had beefcakes at rump and dump.

[C]

Merrick's is back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Merrick's is back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Look.

[B]

You ever eat at Saks?

[A]

I've never eaten at Saks. Oh, no.

[B]

Their cream of the clam chowder there, it's so good. I don't know what cream they use, but. Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Saxes was so good.

[A]

Oh, oh. What about that new place? Gargle is. Gargle. Gargle.

[B]

Oh, it's so good. I think they got a Michelin star.

[A]

Did they really?

[B]

What's your favorite dish at Gargle?

[A]

Like, my prep. Okay. I mean, you're not going to like this.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Just because I'm a big meat guy. I'm a beef guy.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

But it's called the Long Dong Wong.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

It's Asian crusted.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Red American meat.

[B]

I love cream tubes.

[A]

Oh, I love. I'll squirt those all over.

[B]

Dude, you get a four cream tubes. Dude. I don't know what's in the middle.

[A]

Why do I need to know?

[B]

I don't need to know.

[A]

So sweet.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's sweet.

[A]

It's very sweet.

[B]

And it kind of tastes like bleach.

[A]

Yeah, it smells like a scent of bleach.

[B]

But anyway, we love creams. What's it called?

[A]

What's your problem?

[B]

What's your problem?

[D]

Nothing. Have you guys tried abalone or abalone.

With salt?

[B]

Squeak, rewind for a second. We're doing bits. Just let's say we're doing bits about make believe gay restaurants. Right. And gay dishes. And then you throw in abalone.

[A]

Oh, yeah, it is.

[D]

It's like an.

[B]

Oh, there we go. Oh, there we go. Good.

[A]

So what you say is, have you been to Abalone? It's a new lesbian restaurant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Giving you the joke. It's very easy there. It Is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And that looks good.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I'll be your server. I'm Marge. Welcome to Abalone.

[B]

I'm Barbara.

[A]

This is my partner, Barbara. Yeah, we got married the first week.

[B]

You want our clams?

We. We sell clams and dirty tacos.

[A]

The Met. The place. Welcome to Snatch.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Has nothing to do with the movie. Okay.

[A]

What do you want to order here at Snatch?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're pretty cute.

[B]

Yeah. I'm Barbara.

[A]

I'm March.

[D]

So aggressive.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, get in or get out.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I can peg you guys.

[A]

Right on, right on, right on.

[B]

After the meal. What do you want?

Make up a dish.

[D]

I can. I have a white sausage.

[B]

No, that. You get that at Sachs?

Do you think you're at Sacks?

[A]

You go to Gargle for that?

[B]

Yeah. You go to Gargle? Yeah. Gargle has that. Yeah. You're at snacks. What do you want here at Snacks?

[D]

Can I have.

Clam chowder?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

How do you want to pay?

[D]

Yeah, you can peg me and I can eat you out.

[B]

Hell, yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What's the tip?

[D]

No tip.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Clams only come back to Snatch anytime.

[B]

I'm Barbara.

[A]

Bring a friend, you gash.

[B]

What's your name again?

[A]

March.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, I gotta eat there.

[B]

Yeah, I gotta eat there.

[A]

Gotta eat that abalone. Abalone.

[B]

Abalone.

[A]

Oh, man. I saw that Eddie Murphy documentary.

[B]

I heard it.

[A]

Just finished it last night.

[B]

It's good.

[A]

It's okay.

[B]

Not great.

[A]

It's a. It's a. It's. It shows a. A lot of his house. It's like a lot about his house. Yeah, it's like a. It's a very strange. It flows very poorly.

[B]

A roof that retracts.

[A]

It was a retractable roof that opens up to the outside.

[B]

So he had mentioned that he was kind of maybe on about maybe doing comedy.

[A]

He talks about it a little bit.

[B]

But I don't know.

[A]

I mean, he's one of the greatest of all time. He can do whatever the he wants.

[B]

I'm not saying that.

[A]

What do you mean by. I don't know?

[B]

He. He. He's lives an insulated life.

[A]

Yeah, he does, right? Yeah.

[B]

For him to do it, he'd have to go back into the. And dwell with us in our club.

[A]

Oh, no chance.

[B]

There's no way you'll do that.

[A]

Well, that's not true. I mean, I don't know if you like a Chappelle.

[B]

You know, the other night, Chappelle was at the store. You know, I Mean, Louis does. I mean, all these, you know, guys are.

[A]

But they're still working the game.

[B]

Right? But what for? Don't you think that for him, like, Martin Lawrence does it right at the store? Right. He'd have to come down to the store or a place like that. Or do you think that he would do what Jamie Foxx does and just write it and just do it.

[A]

Write it and go right? He. He would do an arena tour and just do it live. Sandler does that.

[B]

Yeah, but I still see Sandler in the belly.

[A]

He does work out sometimes, but not, not, not like not does Dave.

[B]

I know, but still he still does it. Don't you think that there needs to be a degree of him doing that?

[A]

Yeah, I don't know, man.

[B]

I think he just can't see it.

[A]

You don't want him to come back?

[B]

I do. I would love to see it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I. I'm a huge fan.

[A]

I don't know if he wants to. It feels like when you watch this thing. Did you guys watch it? I did. It felt like he. It felt like he.

[B]

I think he's gonna be back in the movies. Not. Not doing stand up.

[A]

Yeah. Kind of felt like he had said. Because he had said I'm not a stand up comic.

[B]

He is though.

[A]

No, he says it in the fucking movie like three times. He goes, I'm not a stand up comic. I'm a comedian, I'm an actor, I'm a musician, I'm an artist. And I just flow through whatever art I deliver.

[B]

He's a man of many occupations.

[A]

Well, he was. I mean, he has a fucking Grammy for music and for a comedy album. Is that true? Doesn't he have one for each? I mean, it's insane.

[B]

It's insane. Yeah. Legend.

[A]

The guy's the G. But also comedy album and best R and B instrumental performance. Right?

[B]

It's incredible.

[A]

I mean, look, my girl wants to party all the time. This message is sponsored by Raycon.

[B]

You know, Guy, I love music. I love listening to Raycon because I like the slick style. Right?

[A]

So slick.

[B]

But for some reason, the bass is the best on Raycon.

[A]

It sounds so nice and thick. And let me tell you something, they got the open ear design of these things. You hear music and you hear the world around you both at the same time. So it's this great moment where like, you can be immersed but also be aware of what's going on.

[B]

You can also do a multi angular hook. You know what that is?

[A]

No.

[B]

You can switch between your phone and laptop without Repairing them every time.

[A]

That's incredible. They're very lightweight, by the way. They fit in your pockets and also they. You can connect to multiple devices and switch seamlessly without any hassle. Raycon is incredible. If you're looking for new earbuds, this is the future.

[B]

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[A]

That's right. Just click the link in the description or go to buyraycon.com Bad friends open to save on Raycon Audio products. Sitewide order by December 15th. Guarantee delivery by Christmas because great gifts shouldn't show up late.

[B]

Quince. Oh, I. You're a fashion guy.

[A]

I am a big old fashionista.

[B]

But a lot of times, you know, you see these high end places that just charge you up the yang yang. Oh, right. But Quince makes high quality clothing that looks so dope.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Quince makes the essential every guy needs. Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50. $50 Italian wool coats that look and feel designer and denim and chinos that fit just right.

[A]

They really do. Man, their outerwear lineup is no joke. It is wonderful. They got down jackets, wool top coats and it's going to get cold out there, kids. What are you doing? You don't want to be out, left in the cold or overpaying for something to keep you warm. You got to get quints. It's everything you actually want to wear. And it's built to hold up season after season. It's not just a once used and toss away.

[B]

But also quints cuts out the middleman. Yeah, they do. That's where all the money goes.

[A]

That's where all the money goes. Right?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quince. Don't wait. Go to Quince.com Bad Friends for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available.

[B]

Canada too.

[A]

Hey Canada.

[B]

That's Quince. Q-U-I-N C E.com Bad Friends.

[A]

Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Bad Friends simply save My life.

[B]

Is saved by Simply Save. I'll tell you this, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Let me say something, dude. I used to spend nights awake, scared because, you know, of. Of ominous threats outside my house.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

That's either real or not real. And the thing is is that I don't worry about it anymore because I have AI. You know, a home defense system. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

They're Different. They're proactive with a double layer of defense that stops crimes before they start. This is the first AI powered cameras. They spot potential threats outside, then live agents step in talking to the person through the camera, letting them know they're on video and the police are being called.

[B]

If need be, they can even trigger a loud siren or a spotlight. That's how. That's how to stop a crime before it even starts.

[A]

What does a siren sound like?

[B]

Again, I don't know. Because. No, because people know. I think that I have Simplisafe. They don't even try.

[A]

They don't even try. And you better not try. You got a 60 day money back guarantee. So you can try it yourself if you want to try Simplisafe and see the difference for yourself.

[B]

This is one of the best prices you will ever see for Simply Safe.

[A]

Don't miss it this month. Only take 50 off any new system.

[B]

Hit simplysafe.com bad friends again. That. Go ahead.

[A]

That's simply safe.com bad friends. And lock in your discount. There's no safe like Simply Safe.

[B]

Anyway, so your mom's here.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I forgot you were here.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait, I want to know though. Your dating life is going good, you're happy, you're feeling free now.

[D]

I think so.

[A]

What's going on?

[B]

Oh, tell them about what happened the other night.

[D]

We almost died.

[A]

You and the guy?

[B]

No, me. No.

[A]

What. What, what we.

[B]

Most in the house. We almost died.

[A]

Elephant, ghost.

What happened?

[B]

So we're. I'm potting and all of a sudden I hear this beeping throughout the house. Not just downstairs, but upstairs too. Like all four of the monitors were beeping. And then I stopped. I went up there. What the fuck is going on? And the main one that was blinking red. Yeah, it's like at the end, at the end of the podcast. I went up there I go, just yank it. And as they yanked it, it said a little ominous thing. He goes, you have carbon monoxide poisoning.

So ominous thing.

[A]

It's a carbon monoxide detector.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you ripped it out. You need those. Keep those.

[B]

No, we ripped it out.

[A]

No, no, put that. I'm not kidding. Put that.

[B]

We won't. But okay. And so there was a thing. What do we do here? And I opted to stay.

[D]

Yeah. And everyone was saying, we have to evacuate. T. Bobby is like, no, I'm going to play my game.

[A]

Well, you don't have to stay. But you ripped the windows.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Yeah, you ripped it out because it. It was making a noise.

[B]

Yeah. But then I guess the second concern would be dying.

[A]

That'd be my first.

[B]

Oh, I see. I. I switched them because the noise.

[A]

Is telling you, hey, it's not safe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you go, turn that off.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And I was getting mad at him because he was just laughing.

[B]

So she's, like, running around with a cage trying to catch our cats. You know what I mean? And I'm like, I'm gonna play outer worlds, too. I mean, if I die, I die.

[D]

And he wouldn't listen. I was like, you have to get out. Just go to your girlfriend or something.

[B]

I don't have a girlfriend.

[D]

To your girl.

[A]

Eat another worm, back to Guzzles.

[D]

And then he wouldn't go out.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta. You genuinely.

[B]

What?

[A]

You gotta get that taken care of. Because if you get. You won't know.

[B]

So then what will happen? I. Reluctantly. You mean, I succumbed to the actual reality of it. I called the gas company.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's a good.

[B]

And they came over.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And guess what?

[A]

What?

[B]

No carbon monoxide.

[A]

Well, that's a good thing. It's a good.

[B]

My instinct was right. Right. McCone.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Yeah. I'm a thinker. Right. Because I could smell it a mile away.

[A]

You know what I can smell?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

All the shit on his nose.

Loser.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was talking good about you a couple days ago, too. That's out the window.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. See what. See what? You. What happens? You go here, you drift away from this. So, you know, as. As a friend of yours and I love you very much. Right. Stay with this.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. But don't go against me. Just don't, you know.

[A]

No, no, no. I don't want you. You're out. You're out at sea. And you see what happens? You see what happens when you're a traitor? See, what happens is the guy who took you, he doesn't really want you. And then you go, oh, can I come back home, Denise? Can I come back? That little stint I had with that college co ed. Denise, I'm so sorry. I want to be home with you and the kids. And Denise is like, we've moved on. The doors are locked. Charles, get a hotel.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

And that's you right now. You're Charles.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Denise. Me at the home with the kids. You know, I'm whipping up a cake because I don't want little Daniel to find out why Daddy's gone because he's with a college co ed that he met at Barney's Beanery on Friday night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So how about that? How about how do you feel now, Charles? Well, you let Rudy go off and come back.

[D]

Also, McCone said before that he prefers to Andrew.

[B]

When did he say that?

[D]

When we were hanging out.

[C]

I do.

[B]

I do prefer Tito.

[D]

Like, he said, he doesn't really know Tito Bobby, and he just.

[A]

Yeah, but I don't want him anymore, so he's out.

[B]

Wait, I want to get to this.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, It's a window that's open. There's carbon monoxide in the room. Okay.

[A]

And now you close it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Keep it in here.

[B]

So when were you guys hanging out? That's what I think. More I'm concerned about.

[D]

I think, like two months ago. Yeah.

[A]

Same time. Shut up.

[B]

Yeah. He said to you, I prefer Tito Andrew over Tito Bobby.

[D]

And the reason why, like, you're just not, like. He just doesn't like you.

[B]

You don't like me?

[A]

No, I said, you don't open up as much.

Like, I especially, like, even on the.

[B]

Bus, I try to be, like.

[A]

Ask you questions about comedy and, like, old stories. And you'd be like, no, no, no. And you'd go on your. On your switch. Or you'd be like, I don't do small talk.

[B]

Do I do small talk?

[A]

You do not.

[B]

I do not. But that wasn't even.

[A]

That was big talk.

[B]

No, that's small talk. I was like, no, no, no. You know what big talk is? I'm losing my left leg. I go, what's going on?

[A]

That's big talk.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's big time.

[A]

When he refers to small talk and big talk, it's not about the depth or the breadth of the conversation. It's with whom he's speaking with and you. Yeah, our small talk.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Would he have small talk with, like.

[B]

You know, when we were in Australia. Right. Remember Dakota Fanning was there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And there was some small talk with her.

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

I allow a small talk.

[A]

Dakota gets small talk.

[B]

Oh, the weather is great.

[A]

You did mention it, like, four times. Women. She kept. She said that at dinner. She goes, your buddy kept talking about the weather.

[B]

Well, because I was starstruck.

[A]

Small talk with a big person.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He's saying you're small talk with a small person in his life. So he's not interested. Yeah, it can't be that. I think I just learned to temper my expectations.

[B]

Well, you're also mean to me.

As well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, we have. We have podcast proof of it. How am I supposed to feel? Here's a guy that's supposedly working for us. The Company should be. I'm a big part of it, right? Yeah. And you talk to me like I'm garbage because I'm not as clever as you are.

[A]

So I have to go the lowest form, which is being.

[B]

I know. You're beeping back, dude.

[A]

You're beeping back.

[B]

You're beeping back, dude.

[A]

Don't do that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, we know better.

[A]

Don't, don't, don't. Don't play koi. Don't play Koi.

[B]

Don't play Joe Koi, dude.

[A]

Don't play koi. Fish in a pond, pal.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, yeah.

[A]

Anyway, it's fine.

[B]

It is what it is.

[A]

But I will say this, but I.

[B]

Like what happened today, though. And the more of that. I like it felt like when we watched Jaws on the bus. I love that. See? We did have moments.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah. Excuse me.

[A]

Carlos. You're in my heart forever.

[B]

Thanks, bro.

[A]

Okay, Fancy. You're in my heart forever.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

No, thank you to the other guy. I want to see your mom. Yeah, let me get your mom in here.

Don't do the. Don't do that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Come sit down.

[B]

Just real quick, honey. No, just listen to me. I know, but just real quick.

All right. So your other. Your daughter, Issa did this.

We love Issa. We love what you've spawned. Yeah. Hello.

[A]

Oh, my God. What a. What a moment for the show.

[B]

Yeah. What a moment to see the beginning. The beginning.

[A]

Who made the person.

[B]

You're gonna talk into the mic. Can you bring it closer to your mouth?

[E]

It's it.

[A]

My cone could have done it.

[E]

Hey, you don't need to be.

[A]

McCone could have done it. See, McCone gets nervous and then he fumbles, and there's no reason. That's reason. You didn't play sports because under pressure, you're terrible. You are so bad under pressure. It is crazy to watch him do that. Ladies and gentlemen, the mother of the great Rudy Jewels.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Honey. Is here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

By the way.

[B]

What?

[E]

The beginning and the end.

[A]

Oh, no, don't.

[B]

It does say that. What do you say?

[A]

This is your mom?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Biological mom.

[A]

My age. We're the same age.

[E]

I don't know. How old are you?

[A]

42.

[E]

Oh, you're very young. Yeah, I know. Your age, he mentioned.

[A]

No, we're the same age.

[E]

I'm 50.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. She.

[A]

She. That looks good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that looks good for 50 to me.

[E]

To him.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

No, calls me monkey.

[C]

No, no, no.

[B]

What do you call her?

[A]

Yeah, you did. When you're dart. When Your eyes dart all over the place. Yeah, I know. It's true.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You can't.

[E]

No, but nothing's wrong with that. I love Bobby.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't call you that at all.

[A]

Stop lying to the fans, mister. Like, I share it all with the. Go ahead, tell the truth. Go ahead and tell the truth.

[B]

Well, that's not the worst. I called her.

[A]

What's the worst?

[D]

What bullies are every day.

[A]

What do you call her? Like, what.

[B]

How do I bully her?

[D]

You just start screaming at her and you just are.

[B]

No, I. Like the other day. The other day I got. Because we have this snack cabinet.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like a little room.

[A]

Everybody has a snack.

[B]

What do you call it? Not a snack habit.

[A]

Snack drawer.

[D]

Angie.

[E]

Pantry.

[B]

A pantry.

[A]

What do you call the place where the food is? Yeah, I'm thinking it's a separate thing. That's where all the food goes.

[B]

Yeah. In the food pantry.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

Right. And I walked in there and I go.

You. You like these friends? You collecting these friends? She's like, what do you mean? And I go. And there was these ants. Oh, yeah. I mean, just all about stacking. Anyway, so you're. Are the ants gone?

[E]

They're gone. It's your fault. It's not mine.

[B]

How is it my fault?

[E]

It's because you keep buying things and you open them and you don't finish them and you put them back in the pantry and the ants come in.

[A]

God, I want her around all the time.

[E]

It's really not my fault. It's his fault. And he blames me for it. And I keep killing them, all of them. And it comes back the next day, so I have no idea what to do.

[B]

Okay. That. Will you throw. How about this? Let's make a rule, okay. Let's throw away all the unused food that are open packages.

[E]

Yeah. But you only get a few of them in a big pack. He gets very little. And then he closes them back or doesn't even close them and puts them in a pantry and ants come in and it's a waste of food.

[B]

Is it Cheez? Its. Yeah, Yeah. I get every flavor.

[A]

So easy to not have ants. It's like, I don't. Do you not close up stuff when you're.

[B]

You know, it's just very much like you to do this.

[A]

Well, I'm on her side, blaming her for some reason.

[B]

All right, you're right. I apologize.

[A]

She has nothing to do with it.

[B]

That is my fault.

[A]

Say I'm sorry.

[B]

Genuinely, I'm sorry.

[E]

I'm sorry. Bob.

[B]

What Are you saying I'm sorry for. Yeah.

[A]

I just feel like when you're gonna get home, there's gonna be a different conversation.

[B]

No, no, no, no. She's. Honestly, it's a blessing to have these two in the house.

[A]

Gotta be.

[B]

Because, you know, I want life in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, because there are times when they're not there and I'm alone in the house and I get really depressed. When I. Like. Sometimes I'll, like, you know, at 3 and 4 in the morning, I go, I need a cookie. Right. And I'll just go. And then. You mean, she's just. She sleeps anywhere, this girl on the ground. You know what I mean? And I'll just be walking in the dark and then I'll just. You know. She'll say something right on that couch when you sleep there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But. Yeah, I like the life in the house. They breed, and we have the dogs and the cats. It feels like there's life there that's healthy.

[A]

Yeah, but you're not alone.

You know?

[B]

I see. I. I savor my sovereignty.

[A]

Is that an AA quote? What is that?

[B]

No, it's not. No, it's not. It.

[A]

No, it should be.

[B]

Yeah. I.

I think that's true freedom.

[A]

Savoring your sovereignty of my peace of mind. Good.

[B]

Because all I do is, you know, chase, chase, chase. Dopamine hits dopamine heads. And I have to just stay in the moment and just know that everything that I have in my life is perfect. That's all.

[A]

You believe that?

[B]

No.

But I want to believe it. I mean, I've listened to a lot of Alan Watts and different things. I want to believe what?

[C]

You can want anything. You have to take action.

[B]

The way he came, the way he did that, there's a lot behind that.

[A]

It was.

[B]

What's your body count, honey?

Because she wouldn't tell me earlier.

[E]

You promise?

[D]

You just be. Just say it.

[B]

Body count. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Like sex.

[E]

I know that.

[A]

I don't know. Bobby.

[E]

I don't want.

[B]

You don't count. That was one. That was a two. He said 15.

[D]

Mama said he has a.

[E]

You.

[D]

She has a crush on you.

[E]

No.

[A]

You have a crush on me.

[E]

No, I've never seen you. I was.

[D]

I. Jules, you said that he's handsome.

[A]

Do you have a crush on me?

[B]

Rocking the mic.

[A]

She does with the mic so people can hear you. Okay.

[B]

There's a show.

[A]

Like mother, like daughter.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have a crush on me.

[E]

No.

[D]

Yeah. She thinks you're really cute.

[B]

Honey. Who's better looking.

[E]

I love you, Bobby, but you're amazing.

[A]

You're amazing.

[E]

But didn't. I was.

[A]

Why does this bother you so much?

Is it because I might move in?

[B]

No. I mean, I remember one time you were on stage at one of our big shows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I went in the audience to see you and this hot chick next to me, she goes, your friend is so hot.

[A]

That's a lie. This is a made up story.

[B]

I'm not gonna. I swear to God on my mother's life that happened. Okay. I looked at her and went, yeah. And I just. That's the. You're a handsome guy. And I'm.

[A]

You're a very handsome boy too.

[B]

I'm cute. For a specific demographic.

[A]

Yeah. For good looking women.

[B]

Okay. Anyway, you have a crush on Andrew.

[A]

I love this. No, go ahead, Rudy. Tell us all about it.

[E]

I just think you're very intelligent.

[B]

So, honey, was early on our life was a meth addict.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How many years did you do method?

[E]

Just not even years.

[B]

How many years in a year? Like a year. But I heard it got bad.

[E]

A year.

[B]

But I heard it got bad. Is.

[A]

Is meth. It's called Shabu in the Philippines.

Like Cebu. A little convenient to name it after the city.

[B]

Yeah, it's the cheapest. What does it consist of chemically?

[E]

I don't know.

[B]

Oh, do you snort it?

[E]

Yeah, not snort. You use.

[A]

Smoke it.

[E]

Yeah. No, I think you use a pipe.

[B]

You piped it? Yeah. Yeah. How old are you when that happened?

[E]

20.

[B]

20. You know. And then you know what happened? Kalila's dad shaved her head.

[E]

We really need to.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Shaved her head and tied her to a radiator. And it worked.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that sounds right.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. For like a month though, I heard.

[E]

Yeah. It got bad.

[B]

It got bad.

[A]

America needs to handle its drug problem like that.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Tie these guys to a radiator.

[B]

I know.

[A]

That worked, right? And you never thought about drugs again?

[E]

Never again.

[B]

Yeah. She doesn't even drink.

[E]

I don't drink.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

I don't do anything.

[B]

Do anything.

[A]

What do you do to get loose?

[B]

Yoga.

[E]

Yoga. Exercise.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You love to exercise?

[E]

Yeah, a lot.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

She didn't even bread the kind of stuff in my house.

[E]

It's like, yeah, I'm on a keto diet.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. No carbs.

[B]

Yeah, no carb. Yeah.

[A]

That's crazy. It's crazy to live in your house because it's all full filled with shit to eat candies, candy and. Yeah.

[B]

All kinds of exotic candies.

[E]

Yeah. And he orders Things for me. And I don't eat it. He gets mad.

[B]

I get mad. Like, I'll go, like, I'll get a breakfast burrito from.

[E]

He just gets it like that.

[B]

And I go, you're gonna eat it. But what they do is, you know, you go, I'm gonna go to Jersey Mike's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You get him the sandwich. Right, right. And then all of a sudden, they're taking it apart, taking the innards and putting on a different bread.

[A]

Just get the sub in a tub.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

Sub in a tub. They do Jersey Mike's. Do you get the sub without the bread? Sub in a tub.

[E]

Yeah, you can get.

[B]

But she'll put it on keto bread.

[A]

Oh, you want it on bread? Just not.

[E]

Just not normal bread.

[B]

Yeah, stuff like that.

[A]

What is keto bread? I'm not smart. I don't know what.

[E]

No carb. No carb. Or they put. They use some other ingredients.

[A]

It's a low carb bread alternative made with ingredients like almond flour, coconut flour, xylem husk eggs, and healthy fats instead of traditional wheat flour.

[B]

Does it taste the same?

[E]

Tastes good.

[B]

But does it break apart differently?

[E]

It's good. They make it good here.

[B]

Oh, they do. Oh, what? What? In the Philippines?

[E]

In the Philippines, you don't make anything good.

[A]

Yeah, but do you eat a lot of bread in the Philippines?

[E]

No.

[D]

Yeah, there's a lot of.

[E]

I have a bakery, but I don't eat the bread. In the Philippines.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I feel in. In traditional Filipino food, is there bread involved?

[E]

Yes, a lot of bread. As in really good bread. They would know.

[B]

We should go to Cebu because she has a store.

[E]

I have a store in the Philippines who sells bread.

[A]

What's it called?

[E]

It's Lola Fees Fez Bakery.

[A]

You sound like you just made it up.

[B]

No, it's not talking. The Mic.

[E]

Lola Fez Bakery.

[A]

What street is it on in the Philippines?

[E]

It's in Marigundan Beach. You don't know.

[B]

Andreas?

Yeah.

[E]

Lola L O L. Yes. In space.

[D]

Just put Cebu. Cebu, Philippines.

[E]

Oh, no, you just put Honey's Bakery. Because we just changed the name. Honeys. H O N E. Yeah, I'm sorry. Rebranding Honey's Apostrophe Z Bakery. See, that's the bread. That one. That one. Second. Yeah, There. That's the one. Yes, that's my bakery.

[B]

Wow, it's so funny. She's been living with my house in three months, she hasn't baked me shit. Not one thing. Have you baked me.

[E]

I'm not the baker. I'm the owner of the bakery, not the baker.

[A]

What's the baker's name?

[E]

I have many bakers.

[A]

Well, name it after one of them.

[B]

Yeah. Is that you beyond the counter?

[E]

No, that's my cashier.

[B]

Oh, that's cashier.

[A]

This is false marketing. Money's not even there. And she's definitely not baking that shit.

[B]

And that's your store next to it, right? I've been in there.

[E]

Yes. That's where we had tiger belly.

[B]

Yeah, we did a tiger belly there. And also we ate balut there.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Do you sell balut at your store?

[E]

No.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The worst. That day was one of the worst days of my life on the show. Do you sell cigarettes at that store next door?

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Have you been to Cebu?

[A]

It's so beautiful that, that the name of the store looks like it's Marlborough.

[E]

Lola Fe store. Yeah.

[A]

What's Lola Fe mean?

[E]

It's a grand Grandma Fe.

[D]

That's the name?

[B]

Yeah. That's great. Why, why the big Marlboro sign?

[E]

Because we sell the cigarette.

[A]

Everybody?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Does everybody smoke in the Philippines?

[E]

Yeah, almost everybody.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

You don't smoke?

[E]

I used to.

[A]

Rudy, you don't smoke.

[B]

Look at you. Look in there. You can get all kinds of stuff.

[E]

Yes. Chicken, rice, everything. Name it, you have it.

[B]

What's the weirdest thing you have there? Like sulfate.

[E]

Yeah, probably. Why sulfate?

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

Birth controls too.

[E]

Yeah. Birth condoms. Birth controls.

[A]

Is the birth control also in those R pins on the floor?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's just a stack of them.

[B]

Do you have like a plan B?

[E]

What? Plan B? No, that's not, that's, that's. We don't have it there.

[B]

Oh. Is abortion illegal in the Philippines?

[E]

It's illegal.

[B]

It is, yeah. Wow.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

They plan.

[B]

That's why you have so many kids.

[E]

Yeah, that's why we have a lot of kids.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. How many times do you see the man who slice his brother in half with a machete?

Oh, yeah. Do you see him often?

[E]

Him often?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's a man that sliced his brother in half. And he walks the street is my uncle.

[B]

Oh, I met him many times.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Sliced him in half.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. And now he's just walking around.

[E]

Family's evil.

[B]

Yeah. But I remember, so when we, when I first went, I knew about this uncle and he was at the airport.

[E]

You were hugging him.

[B]

I, I immediately. Because I don't want to get sliced.

[A]

Yeah. The machete man.

[B]

Well, you know, somebody has sliced somebody with a machete, but you hug them immediately.

[A]

Uncle Machete.

[B]

And I think I said something like, hey, would you know I'm a scoundrel.

[A]

Yeah, you are.

[B]

I'm a survivor.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, hey, whatever your family needs.

[A]

Anything you need, anything you need. You want me to sharpen your machete?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I can buy you a brand new machete.

[A]

I can buy you as many as you want.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many? Yeah.

[A]

So any guy that cuts someone in half.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You really stay on their side, you say?

[B]

Yeah, it's just them walk. I've never seen anyone walk around in society who sliced somebody in half with them.

[A]

And he didn't serve any time at all. How long?

[E]

15.

[A]

15 years.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

I was gonna say he got paroled. Yeah. So in the Philippines, you can kill somebody and then you can get parole.

[A]

I mean, we do that all the time here in the States.

[B]

Oh, that's true.

[A]

People get out for murder all the time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In fact, a lot of people here kill people and they don't even get. They don't. Nothing happens.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's. That's the craziest part. Then you hear of his case where someone will do something like, stupid and small, and they'll get nine years, and you're like, what? That's the same as the guy who killed somebody.

[B]

Yeah. Last kind of other. May I ask some more questions, please? Yeah, yeah.

[E]

I can go now.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Not if you said I was cute. You're staying.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Talk more in the mic. And that's, you know, that's.

[E]

The mic is here.

[B]

I know. And you move over like this.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

She's doing fine.

[B]

How do you feel? Because in Cebu, beautiful island. I've been there a couple times. I might go back in a couple of months. With the family.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

How do you feel about the Koreans there?

[D]

We hate the Koreans there.

But we hate them.

[E]

They're fine.

[B]

Why? Why?

[E]

They. They help the economy, so they're fine.

[B]

The Koreans, they're trying. Are so cocky.

[E]

Yeah. But they're mean.

[D]

They're owning all the buildings, all the hotels.

[A]

Tell you what, they're mean here, too. It's not just over there.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Philippines.

[B]

Yeah. But I see their behavior there. They look it down on me.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Why? Because you're an American? Korean.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

They don't respect you.

[B]

They don't respect. From me.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I come with my blend. What's up? You know how I do it?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You're always blinking with my sway.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I Mean.

[A]

Yeah. Your sway.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your swag.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

What's up, dude?

[A]

So what you guys get there? How is it a large contingency of Koreans? There's a lot down.

[E]

Large.

[B]

Yeah. And the pale ones.

[D]

The pale ones. And they hate us there because we're just brown.

[A]

But it's your land.

[D]

Well, they actually have money, so they.

[E]

Can put up a lot of businesses. So that's they can hate us and we can't do anything about it.

[A]

This is very dark.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I don't like that. I don't like it either. That's so fucked up.

[B]

It's fucked up.

[E]

Well, they're richer than we are, so.

[A]

Yeah. But that doesn't make it right. Imperialism.

[B]

Imperialism.

[A]

Yeah. Bye. Bye. That's not good.

[B]

Maybe a form of colonization, is it?

[E]

No, it's not.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Filipinos think that they are superior because, you know, they have paler skin and we always praise them the more money. And we just think that they're, like, so beautiful.

[E]

Yeah. The white skin.

[A]

You don't feel that way?

[E]

No, I hate them.

[A]

They're good.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Yeah. Do you hate Korean Americans or just Koreans over there? Just Koreans over there, but Korean Americans. How about them?

[D]

I'm okay with them.

[A]

Most of them.

[D]

Most of them.

[A]

What about Koreans in Korea?

[B]

Should I start charging rent?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not saying, did I start charging things?

[D]

I'm saying Koreans in the Philippines.

[B]

I'll give you a birthday present today. Right. Would the Cebu Koreans do that? No.

[D]

No.

[B]

Okay. Watch your mouth.

[A]

So funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

You're not even Korean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're not even Korean. You're Sandy.

[B]

What do you mean by that?

[A]

She's right.

[E]

You're not Korean.

[B]

What am I?

[A]

Look into those eyes.

[E]

You're an American.

[A]

If you can. You're an American.

[B]

I'm an American American.

[A]

God bless. You're about it. You're about as American as it gets. You're born in San Diego. You did live the, like, the white American life.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

[A]

And that's why you don't want me to go out with you and the other Koreans. Because you're embarrassed about the lack of your own culture.

This is really. What? Fancy.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

That's what this is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you don't go to church like all those Koreans did when you were. When, you know, like, you know. You're not a church Korean. You're not one of them.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Wow, wow, wow.

[A]

Dad owned businesses.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's the one thing the Philippines has that we don't that you just can't get here, that you miss more than.

[E]

Anything in the world the Filipino delicacies, like the bud. Bud. It's a rice cake. Wrap it in.

[B]

What is the repeating of things that you guys.

[A]

They want to make sure that you heard them.

[E]

Correct.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Bang, bang. Correct.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Correct. Correct. Correct. Correct. Yeah.

[B]

Let's say a couple of just, you know.

Is this something.

Yeah, See, they just said it. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's elementary.

[B]

Yeah. All right.

[A]

Talk. Talk. It's. It's like. All right, that's where they got it from.

[B]

Ping, ping.

[E]

You can say that, but is there.

[B]

Is there anything that's. That.

[E]

But there's no such thing as.

[A]

What about bhakti?

[E]

What?

Nothing.

[D]

No, no. Bhakti.

[B]

Oklahoma.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Okra, the vegetable.

[A]

Yeah.

Now you're just naming things that are.

[B]

Yeah. Potato.

[A]

Yeah. Broccoli. Broccoli.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, it's interesting.

[A]

Well, how do you say mango? What's mango? Manga.

Dude.

[B]

What do you call the cartoon? The illustrations?

[E]

Huh?

[A]

What?

[B]

Anime. They call them mangas. Right? So there's a difference between manga and manga?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, no, but it's manga, Right?

[D]

The mango is just manga.

[A]

Manga.

[D]

There's no s. And then.

[B]

And the other thing is what?

[E]

Mangas.

[B]

Mangas.

[A]

Manga. Have you ever seen that on Tick Tock? Sometimes the guy will say, how do you say frog in Japanese? And how do you say that? And it'll all be the exact same word, like five. Have you ever? Never heard.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I don't know how to explain this video, but he'll say it. Oh, there. It's the second video. Second one down. Second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy. Watch. This is fascinating.

[C]

What's rain in Japanese?

[B]

Ame.

[C]

How about candy?

[B]

Ame.

Ame. Ame.

[C]

Okay. Oh, I have another one.

What's frog? And to change.

[B]

Okay, stop. Push pause. Adrian, are you gonna frog Kaidu? No, it's a change.

[A]

What?

[B]

Wait, is that what I'm saying? Like, frog and change is the same word? Yeah.

[A]

But the longer version of this is.

[B]

I don't like those pants. You should frog it.

[A]

That's actually kind of cool.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, frog it.

[A]

Frog those pants.

[B]

Yeah, frog those pants. Right now.

[A]

He says there's one compilation where he's like.

The longest one is, like nine times of him saying the same word with, like, little tiny inflection. And it's saying.

[B]

They say they're hard workers, but they're kind of lazy.

[A]

They're kind of lazy.

[B]

They got lazy with their language a.

[A]

Little bit it's insane. It's crazy. Is that it?

[B]

It might be.

[A]

This is 6.1.

[C]

How do you say shoulder in Japanese? How about stiff kata?

How about I bought a shoulder massager?

[A]

How about this?

[C]

I bought a shoulder massager because my shoulder was stiff, but it was hard to use on my shoulders.

[A]

I mean, isn't this basically the thesis of this show? Yes, that's like this show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You guys both translate that in. In English.

[A]

He's actually saying, I bought a shoulder massager, but it was hard to massage my shoulders.

[B]

Oh, wow.

That's incredible. Wow.

[A]

Well, we're gonna get you some bad. Bad. And poop. And snack.

[B]

Knock.

[A]

Yeah, we're gonna get you all that good.

What's. What's sinigang?

[E]

Sinigang? It's a soup. Sour soup.

[A]

Oh, I like sour soup. Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. It's so good.

[D]

There's a bread that's called burikat. It's. It's red.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

English definition is.

[B]

What's the grossest thing you could eat at the. In the Philippines?

[A]

Balut is by far. Thank you. I keep saying that.

[E]

Like balut.

[A]

You love it.

[B]

It's the. That's the grossest thing you can eat there.

[E]

I don't.

[A]

I mean, it's a. It's like a. It's like a half alive bird.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not alive. It's fermented.

[A]

I know, but it's like half burst.

[B]

You would try it, though. Oh, you tried it?

[A]

We did. I threw up. I threw up. I couldn't. It's a fertilized duck egg. But you can see the duck.

[B]

Yeah. The brains, all that stuff.

Yeah.

[A]

Balut and kinalas. A noodle soup that features brains from a pork or beef head served in a thicket.

[D]

The pig's blood, I guess, is also.

[E]

No, pigs. Pig's blood is good. I eat it.

[B]

How did even pollute come about? Like, let's. We should cook the egg now. No, we'll wait seven months.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? Is it a. What was that?

[A]

Well, I don't know. Something was. But it's a delicacy, is it not.

[E]

A number of days? It's the number of days if you keep it.

[B]

What's a buso.

Abu Abul. Sauteed weaver ants.

[E]

I've never seen.

[A]

Oh, that sounds really good.

[B]

What's. What's pinnacle?

It's a dish made by beating a live chicken. Oh, my God. Dude, you tell me about that. Tell me about penican.

You have to know about it.

[A]

You're from there.

[B]

What is a pinnacle Pentagon, man. That's insane, dude.

[A]

All right. Do you have any words of wisdom, honey, to leave us with before we go?

[B]

Do you guys eat dog there?

[E]

They. Some people do, but I don't.

[D]

Our uncles.

[B]

Okay. They eat it.

[D]

Yeah, I saw.

[A]

Okay, what kind?

[B]

What kind?

[E]

Any kind of.

[D]

It was like a stray dog dog. And they just got it and they started, like peeling off the skin.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Anyway. Thank you for being a bad friend.

[B]

Is that it?

[A]

That's such a good end.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Started peeling this. You guys have to do it. Will you. Will you look in the camera at the same time and say thank you for being a bad friend? 1, 2, 3.

[E]

Thank you for being a bad friend?

[A]

God, they sound the exact same too.

[B]

Who.