One Good Korean

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bad Friends - Episode "One Good Korean"

Host/Authors: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Production: 7EQUIS
Release Date: January 27, 2025

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Introduction

In the latest episode of Bad Friends, hosts Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino delve into a variety of topics ranging from personal resolutions and reflections on mortality to humorous takes on hypothetical war scenarios and relationship dynamics. Joined by contributors Carlos and George, the episode titled "One Good Korean" offers a blend of heartfelt discussions and comedic banter, maintaining the show's signature style of candid and engaging conversations.

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1. Resolutions and Personal Reflections ([00:33-02:24])

As the new year unfolds, Bobby and Andrew kick off the episode by discussing their resolutions. Andrew Santino humorously refers to his state of making resolutions as being in "Resolution City" (00:47), prompting Bobby to playfully act as both a therapist and a law enforcement officer encouraging commitment to personal goals.

Andrew shares his struggle with addictive behaviors, such as obsessively playing the same level in a mobile game for extended periods (01:20). He opens up about using repetitive activities like watching the same YouTube videos to avoid confronting deeper feelings, highlighting the challenges of maintaining healthy habits.

Notable Quote:

Andrew Santino [01:20]: "I'm running away. I'm not... I'm being obsessive about something, and I do it because I don't want to feel."

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2. Celebrating Good Figures and "One Good Korean" ([02:24-04:33])

Transitioning to more emotional topics, Bobby shares his experience of watching an inspiring video featuring soccer legend Ian Wright reunited with his primary school teacher, Mr. Pigdon (02:30). He describes the emotional impact of the reunion, emphasizing the profound influence of mentorship and support.

The conversation shifts to a broader discussion about recognizing positive contributions from various communities. Andrew defends groups that often receive negative stereotypes, citing historical figures like Oskar Schindler and Mr. Pigdon as examples of extraordinary humanitarian efforts (04:04).

Notable Quote:

Bobby Lee [03:24]: "He said it meant more to him that Ian Wright played for the country of England than when he flew over Buckingham Palace."

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3. Hypothetical World War Three Scenarios ([04:33-10:09])

The hosts delve into a humorous and speculative conversation about the possibility of World War Three. They consider absurd scenarios, such as someone sneaking into North Korea with a phone (04:43), and brainstorm comical survival strategies.

Carlos and George join in, contributing to the banter about being drafted and the dynamics of being placed in the same platoon as each other. The discussion touches on exaggerated military tactics, such as replacing traditional glory holes with explosive devices (06:36), and the challenges of maintaining camaraderie in dire situations.

Notable Quote:

Andrew Santino [05:03]: "But Russia and China gave..."

Bobby Lee [05:30]: "What did you just say? With Russia and China, they could."

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4. Reflections on Death and Mortality ([44:11 onwards])

After the mid-episode advertisement break, Bobby brings the conversation to a contemplative phase, discussing the importance of making a will and contemplating mortality. He shares his experience of designing his will, deciding on the distribution of his assets, and setting a one-week period for family members to say their goodbyes (18:29).

The hosts reflect on the suddenness of death, mentioning the passing of notable figures like Ricky Henderson and Bob Saget (25:24). They explore the emotional impact of losing loved ones unexpectedly and the practical steps involved in estate planning.

Notable Quote:

Bobby Lee [18:29]: "George is actually right. You know, I did a week so family could come say goodbye to you."

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5. Aging, Health Issues, and Personal Anecdotes ([40:00-73:37])

The conversation shifts to the realities of aging and related health issues, such as leakage and the challenges it poses. Both hosts share personal anecdotes about dealing with these aspects, adding a layer of vulnerability and relatability to the discussion.

Bobby recounts his claustrophobic experience during an MRI (12:49), while Andrew humorously describes his coping mechanisms, including maintaining an emergency kit for unexpected situations (45:30). The dialogue seamlessly blends humor with honest reflections on the physical changes that come with age.

Notable Quote:

Andrew Santino [45:30]: "So this is an emergency kit. So what I do is at the LAX or whatever. Right, so I just..."

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6. Relationships and Personal Stories ([Beyond 73:34])

As the episode progresses, Bobby and Andrew delve into the complexities of relationships, discussing topics like financial disagreements and the humorous notion of a spouse putting a hit on someone. They share exaggerated stories and playful hypotheticals about handling such conflicts, emphasizing the importance of communication and trust.

Carlos adds his perspective, suggesting practical (though comically dramatized) solutions to relationship problems (73:52), while Bobby and Andrew navigate through various humorous takes on marital disputes and personal boundaries.

Notable Quote:

Bobby Lee [61:08]: "I would slowly poison her. Because you know what I mean?"

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7. Decision to Move to Nevada ([73:34-75:07])

In a significant turn, Bobby announces a major life change: relocating from California to Pahrump, Nevada to escape high state taxes (73:34). The hosts discuss the financial benefits of the move, highlighting Nevada's favorable tax laws compared to California's stringent tax regime.

They brainstorm ideas for expanding their brand in Nevada, including opening a comedy club named "Brothership." The conversation underscores their eagerness to embrace new opportunities and foster local comedy talent in a different environment.

Notable Quote:

Bobby Lee [73:45]: "We are officially... setting up the studio in Pahrump, Nevada."

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8. Closing Remarks ([75:07 onwards])

Bobby and Andrew wrap up the episode with a mix of camaraderie and optimism about their future endeavors in Nevada. They express excitement about the new chapter and reaffirm their commitment to delivering entertaining content to their listeners.

The episode concludes on a light-hearted note, maintaining the friendly and humorous dynamic that Bad Friends is known for.

Notable Quote:

Andrew Santino [75:07]: "We'll have a happy New Year, everybody."

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Conclusion

In "One Good Korean," Bad Friends masterfully balances serious reflections with comedic interactions, offering listeners a multifaceted experience. From personal resolutions and the contemplation of mortality to playful discussions about hypothetical wars and significant life changes, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino provide both depth and laughter. The addition of Carlos and George enriches the dialogue, making this episode a testament to enduring friendships and the ability to find humor in life's most profound moments.

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Notable Quotes Overview:

• Andrew Santino [01:20]: "I'm running away. I'm not... I'm being obsessive about something, and I do it because I don't want to feel."

• Bobby Lee [03:24]: "He said it meant more to him that Ian Wright played for the country of England than when he flew over Buckingham Palace."

• Andrew Santino [05:03]: "But Russia and China gave..."

• Bobby Lee [18:29]: "George is actually right. You know, I did a week so family could come say goodbye to you."

• Andrew Santino [45:30]: "So this is an emergency kit. So what I do is at the LAX or whatever. Right, so I just..."

• Bobby Lee [61:08]: "I would slowly poison her. Because you know what I mean?"

• Bobby Lee [73:45]: "We are officially... setting up the studio in Pahrump, Nevada."

• Andrew Santino [75:07]: "We'll have a happy New Year, everybody."

Recommendations: For fans who missed this episode, "One Good Korean" is a must-listen, offering a rich blend of heartfelt discussions and comedic relief. Whether you're tuning in for personal growth insights or simply to share a laugh with friends, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino deliver an engaging and memorable podcast experience.

Transcript

[Bobby Lee]

This cold and flu season, Instacart is here to help deliver all of your sick day essentials. Whether you're in prevention mode and need vitamins, hand sanitizer, and that lemon tea your nana swears by, or you're in healing mode and need medicine, soup, and a lot more tissues, simply download the Instacart app to get sick day supplies that reinvigorate or relieve. Delivered in as fast as 30 minutes, plus enjoy. Zero delivery fees on your first three orders. Excludes restaurant orders. Service fees and terms apply. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[Andrew Santino]

White dude. I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two or something. We're bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a new year, by the way.

[Andrew Santino]

It is a new year, and it's a year.

[Bobby Lee]

Any resolutions that you got coming up?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. You have no idea what you're saying right now. Dude, you're annoyed. I have resolution. I am. Can we say Resolution City?

[Bobby Lee]

You're in Resolution City.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's where I'm in. Resolution City right now.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's break it down.

[Andrew Santino]

So I'm going to work on some other addictions.

[Bobby Lee]

What are they? You know?

[Andrew Santino]

Are you my therapist or a cop?

[Bobby Lee]

Both.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, so, Officer, I have. I do some strange things that. This is not funny. It's just real.

[Bobby Lee]

Not real is good.

[Andrew Santino]

So there's this Netflix. You know how sometimes you go to Netflix and there's mobile games you can download?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. I'm the. You're thinking, who's this for me? You know, I mean, I download all of them, right? But there's this one game that I play, and there's, like, 10,000 levels, but I only play one level a thousand times.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Eight hours at a time, just sitting there on my kitchen counter. And the levels, like, two minutes, and it's the same basic level. It's like a. It feels like a Candy crusher game. It's one of those, like, puzzly games where, you know, I mean, you line things up.

[Carlos]

Wait, I saw you play this.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's. I only play one level, and I was telling my therapist the other day, and she goes, stop.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Because it's. I'm running away. I'm not. You know, I mean, I'm being obsessive about something, and I do it because I don't want to feel. You know, I mean, it's like there's. I do a lot of things where it's like, I don't want to feel. So I just. I'll watch the same YouTube video over and over again. And it becomes. It's not. It's not healthy.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll tell you. I had to. I. I got a good feel. I got a good cry this morning, big time. Whenever I want a real good cry.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you see?

[Bobby Lee]

I watched that Ian Wright video with. With.

[Andrew Santino]

With the teacher.

[Bobby Lee]

With Mr. Pigdon.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I thought you said.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. What a great video.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm very much alive, Ian.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And he goes, someone told me you respected.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's a great.

[Bobby Lee]

I cry every time.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I watch if I need a good cry. Watch Ian Wright reunited with his. His primary school teacher, Mr. Picken.

[Andrew Santino]

And why do you. Why do I love that? You not love that?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, he's the. He's the most prolific goal scorer in Arsenal's history.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

And he said in the. You know what he said in it, that was so powerful. That really moved me in a way. Two things. He goes. He was crying. And Ian said. Mr. Pigdon said it meant more to him that Ian Wright played for the country of England than when he flew over Buckingham Palace. That was more important to him, that someone he coached.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Played for England.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

And then he said, he turned to hug him and he was like, two steps down there in the stadium. They're up on the stairs, and when he hugged him, he was below Mr. Pigdon, you know, like, he was. He was hugging his waist almost, because I saw that.

[Andrew Santino]

So. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And he goes. And I felt like I was seven years old again. I was a young child being embraced by someone. A father figure, dude. I was. I. It gets me.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. Every time. Every time. But when whites.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, what about the white? What about the whites?

[Andrew Santino]

What about the whites? There's so many good things to say about the whites.

[Bobby Lee]

Not lately, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Lately. As of not. No, I mean. But you know, what I'm saying is, over the history.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You guys get a bad rap.

[Bobby Lee]

We do get a bad.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. And what I want to say is, you know, I mean, they've. You guys done extraordinary, humanitarian, you know, I mean, deeds.

[Bobby Lee]

Some of us.

[Andrew Santino]

Some of you. Schindler. We've talked about that before.

[Bobby Lee]

What a list.

[Andrew Santino]

That's it. Schindler and ian Wright's coach, Mr. Pigman. Yeah. You pick Mr. Pigman. Yeah, yeah. No, but what I'm saying is, is when. When it's. It's human. All humans have someone. I'm sure there's a Korean out there like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Gotta be somewhere.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you think?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know where they are like.

[Andrew Santino]

A One good Korean that, like, helped out.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a great movie. One good Korean.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Speaking of which, did you see the guy that snuck into North Korea, took video of the traffic cop with his phone. They're gonna get this guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

This is what I think about these guys. You're off your head. They're gonna get you, dude. They're gonna come find you and kill you.

[Andrew Santino]

Did he go back to South Korea then? They can't find him?

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, he left North Korea and went somewhere else. Look at. I don't know where it is. It was on Tick Tock this.

[Andrew Santino]

How do we take him out?

[Bobby Lee]

How do we take him out?

[Andrew Santino]

Kim Jong Il. Un.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you want to take him out?

[Andrew Santino]

I do.

[Bobby Lee]

See, here's my thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Because that there's millions of people that live there and they're in poverty and it's like they still believe that we're getting ready for the war with the US we don't think about you ever.

[Bobby Lee]

You say that until they start some. What if they start some?

[Carlos]

They can't.

[Andrew Santino]

Like how?

[Bobby Lee]

Says who?

[Carlos]

But with like, Russia, they could. In China. But them alone, they're like.

[Bobby Lee]

What did you just say? With Russia and China, they could.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah, but I.

[Bobby Lee]

So what are you talking about? Of course they can.

[Carlos]

Just them. It'd be like, no one.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But Russia and China gave.

[Bobby Lee]

No one acts alone other than Germany. And look how that turned out. So now the axis of evil could reunite and start another war. And why wouldn't they? Honestly, why wouldn't they? The time is now.

[Carlos]

Be awesome.

[Bobby Lee]

They're ready. I'm ready to go, dude. Let's go blow this whole thing up.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me ask you something.

[Bobby Lee]

I want post apocalyptic.

[Andrew Santino]

If there's a World War Three.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And you and I were called in, there's a draft and we go, we need everybody.

[Bobby Lee]

Everybody.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Even Carlos.

[Andrew Santino]

Even Carlos.

[Bobby Lee]

And McCone.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. But he is at whole duty.

[Bobby Lee]

Those guys are inside. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I mean, no, he's. Glory hold.

[Bobby Lee]

Glory hold. Just sucking off the soldiers before they.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no. I'm just saying that you find like, if we're in, like, you know.

[Carlos]

Oh, I see.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know we're fighting in Hong Kong, right?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then the. The sergeant goes find the glory holes. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He knows where they are.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That's like work. But we don't put dicks in. We put bombs in there. Oh, explosive.

[Bobby Lee]

I was gonna say, like Notre Dame football. They slap a sign that says play like a champion as they go out Onto the field, they all smack it. It's funny if every soldier, before they go to war, they just get to stick their. In Carlos's mouth. He's just standing next to. He's like, go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyway, if you. Would you. Would you be in the same platoon as me?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think they would put us in the same platoon.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you think there's an Asian. No. What are you talking about?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, just. No.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Strength and skill. Strength and skill. Strength.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Dude, are you pissed me off today?

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, am I. I'm just.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I. I really. Call my agents.

[Bobby Lee]

No, dude, you'd never get in this. We never get in the same category. That's crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

No, platoons are. They're like. This is the. No, they have a mix. Have you seen. No, shut the up. Have you ever seen Saving Private Ryan? There's a mixture of different people. You know what I mean of it? There's the one guy that's scared, like, you know. You know, like the fucking. In Saving Private Ryan, the guy that plays the interpreter even though I don't know Chinese.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you'd be the.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but I'm just saying, there's got to be something that I can do. I'm the Dennis Hopper character, like the eccentric, you know? I mean.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, man, you know, I mean, war is globalization, whatever. I don't know. Yeah. I say things, you know, I don't know. What do you think?

[Bobby Lee]

I know you'd be. You'd be one of the. One of the crazy boys in the bunch.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but would you not push for that?

[Bobby Lee]

I wouldn't want.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no way that I could.

[Bobby Lee]

I wouldn't want you in my platoon.

[Andrew Santino]

But then the whole time I'm at war, I'm like, you know, what's Andrew doing? I have to write you letters.

[Bobby Lee]

I'd be missing you. That'd be so much fun. I'd see you from afar also. If we're in the same platoon, think about that. Then I'm going to see. We're going to see each other die. I'd rather sit in a tent at night hoping that you're well, Writing you letters like a long lost love affair on the other side of the battle. And I want to find out that you die from someone that goes solder.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no.

[Bobby Lee]

The Dumpling was killed at 4:35.

[Andrew Santino]

I would have called me the Dumpling.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, they would.

[Andrew Santino]

They wouldn't come. No.

[Bobby Lee]

They all get nicknames in the army. That's what you get.

[Andrew Santino]

Everyone called me Dumpling. I would Pull them to cycle. Can you change that?

[Bobby Lee]

And they'd be like, you got it. You got a chopsticks?

[Andrew Santino]

I want to be chopsticks. Yeah. Okay. So. So. You're funny, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

The Chinese Cho died at 4:44am sir.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me say something.

[Bobby Lee]

He was Korean, right?

[Andrew Santino]

What does it. When. When a soldier's at war and they get shot, they know that. They know they're gonna die.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What is the one person they call out for?

[Bobby Lee]

God?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. Their mommy. Remember Giovanna Ribisi? Oh, my God. Heartbreaking.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you imagine? You call your mom. She's on an iPad. She's like, leave me alone.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, what I'm saying is I would call out for you, Andrew.

[Bobby Lee]

You go, mom, Andrew. And I'd come running.

[Andrew Santino]

Morphine. Morphine. Bob, Bob, that's what I want you there, all right?

[Bobby Lee]

I'll be there with you. I. You know what? You know what?

[Andrew Santino]

You. I'm not. I don't want to be in a position.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. I just.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos, you want to be the same platoon?

[Carlos]

Hell yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No way is he going to get in there, dude. He's never going to pass any of the tests.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah, no.

[Andrew Santino]

We're in a situation.

[Bobby Lee]

They're never easy, dude. They're going to take his blood and be like this kid.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a long war. It's where. When they went 18 to 35, right? Now they're at a, you know, okay, I'm going to give you a Lord of the Rings, a Lord of the Rings reference, right? In the two towers, right. They gave old men and kids swords to fight, Right. We're in dire straits. So we're in a position where we're all being called in. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

If they ran out of 18 to 35 are done now they need 40 and ups.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I'm getting, 40 and up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So at that point, right. I would write a letter to Congress and go, can I be in the same platoon as Georgia out. You want to be in it?

[George]

Nah, I'm fine fighting you.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, he's. He's fleeing the country.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, he's a candidate. One of the. No, he's one of those. Canada.

[Bobby Lee]

Canadian.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Or Mexico. You know, you could see him.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And he's like, you know, wearing tie dye. Right? You know what I mean? Just with a bandana, you know, I mean, like this and it's like, shut the up, you coward.

[Bobby Lee]

Coward. Dude, you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So you call crystals and.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. You imagine this guy. Dude, in the 60s. Dude, you're one of those guys?

[Bobby Lee]

Patchouli boy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Patchouli boys.

[George]

No, my dad pulled the Adventist card to get out of Vietnam.

[Bobby Lee]

Your dad did?

[George]

Yeah, he said religious reasons can't fight. So then he was. He went and just got medical tested on for war.

[Bobby Lee]

What was the white coats? What was the religion?

[George]

Seventh Day Adventist.

[Bobby Lee]

Adventist.

[George]

Adventist.

[Bobby Lee]

Adventist and Adventist. Do you know these?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Let me ask you something. That thing that trump like is there flat foot?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, Protestant, Christian domination. Flat feet. Yeah, well, for that. But that's, that's back in the day. That was like back.

[Andrew Santino]

So you know what?

[Bobby Lee]

I would to get out, just give you Dr. Sch.

[Andrew Santino]

I wouldn't get flat feet.

[Bobby Lee]

Huh?

[Andrew Santino]

I. I would claim flat face.

[Bobby Lee]

Frat face.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude. I would claim flat face. Could I get out, you think? Dude, I got flat face. Guys.

[Bobby Lee]

My friend has flat face.

[Andrew Santino]

All right.

[Bobby Lee]

He's just not aerodynamic.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I'm not aerodynamic.

[Bobby Lee]

The wind is just going to bounce right off in the sky.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me. Although I could like camouflage myself on.

[Bobby Lee]

A wall.

[Andrew Santino]

Like a Rambo. Yeah, dude, imagine me just blend it bricks on me, right. And I could just stay there. I would stay there for two weeks like this. I wouldn't even, you know, with a knife. I wouldn't even do that. I would just stay there.

[Bobby Lee]

Just stay steady.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. How would you camouflage.

[Bobby Lee]

Impossible.

[Andrew Santino]

In fire?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. I'd have to be a fireball.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That is amazing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Rambo and all mud.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Remember that? Yeah, that's what I would do. But I would do it with actual brick wall and they would not see me.

[Bobby Lee]

How could they?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I saw some of the. Something was showing out all like the tricks of the tunnels in Vietnam that the Vietnamese would dig. And they were super intricate, dude. And how they would try to trick them to get them in or out. But what they would do is they'd try to like flood them out. A choo choo choo chee channel tunnel.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But look at the tunnel system that they had. And they would flood them out with water and bombs and all sorts of. But then the Vietnamese had counteractive for the weapons that the Americans would use. So the things that they would have, they would like, it was a rope or a pole. They would pull on the pole and it would get caught in a machine. So then it would pull the soldier in with it while they were down there.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And they would have rotating spikes and. Or they would. Could they'd. They have to crawl in backwards or like upside down because it was head first. And they would drown Them upside down and backwards.

[Andrew Santino]

Imagine I'd be so close as claustrophobic.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, forget it. I had an MRI yesterday. I was claustrophobic. I was freaking out in the. I hate the machine.

[Andrew Santino]

And.

[Bobby Lee]

And all you hear is, like, what, 1, 1, 1, 1, one, one.

[Andrew Santino]

And Ho Chi Minh is the best trail maker. Top trail, don't you think?

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that girl. I'm on vacation. She's in vacation.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what? It actually looks pretty solid, though.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean. Yeah. Structurally. It is.

[Andrew Santino]

Structurally, yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Then I would just be worried about fire or. You know what I mean, Something trapping you down there. Look at that thing.

[Andrew Santino]

That's narrow. That's so crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

They created an entire network. They could, like, hang out.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, they had.

[Bobby Lee]

They could sleep for days and days in those things and just hide out.

[Andrew Santino]

We've never had, like, a. Like, have. Aside from, like, the British back in the day, you know. I mean. Yeah, We've never had, like, a country attack us, you know? I mean, I Wonder what, like, 9, 11.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean? We had the 9.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but not even in a traditional, like, war where. Where there's, like, troops and. You know what I mean? And.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, on our soil.

[Andrew Santino]

On our soil. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

We haven't had war on us.

[Andrew Santino]

I think we would destroy people.

[Carlos]

No, Wouldn't even get to our soil.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, even in LA, they're like, we've got Ms. 13, you know, we got people. Don't you think?

[Bobby Lee]

Use what we have.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't you think we would have.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Go get the Crips and stuff, blood. Hey, bro.

[Andrew Santino]

What the. Dude, you, pal. Whatever the.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, a Palestinian, bro.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, Palestinian, bro. Yeah, yeah. Or whoever am I. What kind of Chinese are you, bro? You know what I mean, Dude, I'm Me. I'm from. Ralph. I'm from here.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, good.

[Andrew Santino]

Move over, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but how. Who would they fight for? That's what's interesting.

[Andrew Santino]

Who.

[Bobby Lee]

Who would these gangs fight for?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, if you're fighting. If we were in a war with Mexico, but we don't get the MS.13.

[Bobby Lee]

We'Re never gonna be in a war with Mexico.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we'll destroy.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I mean, I think we would never be in a war.

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly.

[Bobby Lee]

So those are our dogs.

[Andrew Santino]

But if you were in a war with Russia, I think that most the gangs in America would be on our side.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you say that, but, like, think about it. Some of those gangs have drug ties, and those drug ties, they don't want the federal government telling them what to do.

[Andrew Santino]

You're right.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, they'd get.

[Bobby Lee]

They'd get in bed with, like, the cartel and whatever government agencies they have power over.

[Andrew Santino]

What a weird. In la. Imagine if we were like Red dawn and we were attacked by it. Oh, my God, it'd be insane.

[Bobby Lee]

Where would they hit up first?

[Andrew Santino]

I'll be so scared. Would you be scared?

[Bobby Lee]

Can you imagine if they're like, we're gonna bomb LA and they bomb downtown and you're like, nobody's down there. They hit the wrong part of the city. Yeah, they're like. And then. Yeah, and then we're gonna bomb North Hollywood.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. No, no. Yeah, Bump skid row. You won't kill them. They're like zombies.

[Bobby Lee]

No, those are. They're undefeated.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What does that say? Is that what Newsweek thinks they're gonna. That's where the centrifuge of war would be when.

[Andrew Santino]

A nuke. You're talking. This is a nuclear bomb. Oh, my God. Forget it would happen.

[Carlos]

But it wouldn't even hit Santa Monica.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, west side, Safe. West side. Best side.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But now we're where we live.

[Bobby Lee]

No, dude, we're just. Yeah, no, yeah, we're. That's.

[Andrew Santino]

We're in the fucking. Yeah, we're in the center of it. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you gonna do?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. Don't you think that. That because we're on the other side of the hill, you don't think the hill would protect us a little bit?

[Bobby Lee]

Some of it. I think the hill would. Would get some of, like the. The radiation, fog and smoke, but I think we'd still. We get a bad leg.

[Carlos]

I'm in the yellow.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you're in the.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you're done. You're done. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're in Los Feliz or Silver Lake.

[Carlos]

Los Feliz. I think I become a shadow.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Carlos]

Which is awesome.

[Bobby Lee]

You'd be. Yeah. Shadow.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You do.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlo Shadow.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Carlos shadow. It's just interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

And his mouth is like this.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Wow. That. That would be. I mean, that was. That would be the way to, you know, I mean, destroy us.

[Bobby Lee]

But that's what it says. Nuclear bomb shows the impact of new gravity weapon of the biggest U S cities. Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow, that's scary.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's hope that doesn't happen.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's hope it doesn't happen or. I'm on the road.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I want to be gone.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I've always imagined that, like, if I was on the road and all of a sudden LA is taken out, like.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, well, no, I got two more sets tonight, so I gotta.

[Andrew Santino]

It Would be terrible.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, imagine, dude, they wouldn't hit LA first though.

[Andrew Santino]

You would. No. Who would you worry about? You're on the road.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, well, my wife and my dog.

[Andrew Santino]

That's number one, this studio.

[Bobby Lee]

You guys okay? Yeah. You first.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you'd be on the road too.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I'd be on the road. And then what would you do? Like, if I was. You're in Cleveland and I was like in Denver or whatever. Vice versa. Whatever.

[Bobby Lee]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

And then. And we wouldn't be mourning because, you know, I would lose so many people.

[Bobby Lee]

You would lose so many.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. And then our cell phone still worked. And then we. Well, you think in a day we would call each other or a couple of days.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. See, you know, and who knows if we could get a hold of anybody. You know how like they have like cell phones crash when all that stuff goes down, you know, like 9 11. No one could like, call anybody and the phones are down and all that.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm just saying, hypothetically, if like the satellites aren't down and we could call, would you. I think in the worth, within the first 12 hours, we would text each other.

[Bobby Lee]

100.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Right away.

[Andrew Santino]

Where are you?

[Bobby Lee]

Are you okay?

[Andrew Santino]

You good?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I would text you. Are you gon sell your house?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You to keep your house.

[Andrew Santino]

And then what would we. What would you do? I mean, honestly, what would you do? Like, like, would the banks be working? Like, could we get money out?

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, we're done. Once it starts, it's over. Oh, that's what I'm saying, dude. Load up.

[Andrew Santino]

That's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

Get golden guns at your house.

[Andrew Santino]

I would relapse immediately.

[Bobby Lee]

I'd be there with you.

[Andrew Santino]

We would meet. Yeah. I would like, try to get to wherever. Denver. Let's go in Denver.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's meet somewhere in the middle.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's do heroin in Missouri.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And then we'd just be heroin guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Fine, whatever. Who cares?

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean? If that's the end, that's the end.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to go out like a dude. I had to do my will today. This morning. I had to do like my.

[Andrew Santino]

I've done that will. Oh my God.

[Bobby Lee]

And it. When you have to decide, like, he literally was like step by step, he's like, if you're. If you are in a tragic accident and your brain is incapacitated, right? Like your brain. Your brain dead, essentially. How long do you want to be alive?

[Andrew Santino]

How long do you say, I had.

[Bobby Lee]

To do it today? How long do you think I said your brain. I'm brain dead. But there. But I'm, you know, in a. I'm in a vegetative state. But there's hope that I might come back or you never. You know what I mean? But they ask you how a month. Interesting. What do you guys think?

[Carlos]

Zero minutes.

[Bobby Lee]

Jeremy, what about you?

[George]

One week.

[Bobby Lee]

One week. George is actually right. You know, I did a week so family could come say goodbye to you.

[Andrew Santino]

But you said that there could be a possibility that you can be alive.

[Bobby Lee]

There is a possibility.

[Andrew Santino]

Why wouldn't you give them more than.

[Bobby Lee]

A week that Just one week. I said one week they can come say goodbye. Because I don't want to put the burden of me being in a vegetative state on other people.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to put the burden.

[Bobby Lee]

I know you do.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. I'm burden guy.

[Bobby Lee]

You're 10 years.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a 10 year guy.

[Bobby Lee]

You're 10 years.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Everyone. I want everyone to come.

[Bobby Lee]

I know what I said. One week for the family to come say goodbye. And then after that it says drug. Drug induced.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a lot of money though, that's wasted.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I mean.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I don't want my family to have my money. So just put the money.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, that was the next question after all that stuff was like, who gets your funds and all this.

[Andrew Santino]

So what you do? Well, do I get any.

[Bobby Lee]

In the event.

[Andrew Santino]

In the event that I don't like that smile. Do I get any.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, first of all, my wife gets all of it. And then in the. Oh, yeah. In the event that she's not around.

[Andrew Santino]

She won't be. Trust me.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. In the event that she's out, let's say both of us died tragically together.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It gets. It goes to my parents and let's say if my parents aren't alive, then it goes to my sister. And if my sister's not alive, it goes to my dog. And if my dog. No, my dog's not okay.

[Andrew Santino]

If.

[Bobby Lee]

And if you haven't eaten my dog by this point. No, it's. No, no, no. It, it goes to then my sister and then after that it goes to three or four different charities, one of which being Children's Hospital.

[Carlos]

They don't need the money.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, they do.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. My bad.

[Bobby Lee]

Kids having cancer is the worst thing in the. There is literally no greater crime the universe commits than giving children cancer. You wouldn't need my money.

[Andrew Santino]

Interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

You would never give me any of your money when you're dead. That wouldn't you?

[Andrew Santino]

You're in my will. You don't get a lot, but you're in it.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, then I'll change it. Am I really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

How much do I get?

[Andrew Santino]

Everyone's in it.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, tell me how much I get.

[Andrew Santino]

Like 20 grand.

[Bobby Lee]

You? 20 grand for all I've done for you?

[Andrew Santino]

You know what money? I have a hundred grand in the bank.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, then give me the hundred.

[Andrew Santino]

No. My mom, my brother, you, we have the same thing. But I give everyone something.

[Bobby Lee]

I think your mom gets all of it. And if she's not around, Steve gets all of it.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that's not what I. I have. Everyone gets something. Abby gets some. Everyone gets something. Abby gets my manager. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Who do I care? I'm gonna be dead.

[Bobby Lee]

That's my point.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

Go to Robinhood.com boost over eight times the national average savings account interest rate claim is based on data from the FDIC as of November 18, 2024. Robin Hood Financial LLC Member SIPC Gold membership is offered by Robin Hood Gold LLC.

[Andrew Santino]

Talk Space Talk space is my favorite of all time, man, because you need to talk, dude. You need to be the space to do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you know what? Therapy can be costly. I'll say that. And talk space is affordable and in network with most insurance providers and most insured members have a zero dollar copay. Bob and I are big into therapy at all sorts of levels, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Whether I go every Thursday. And I love things like talk space because I think it's vital in your life. You can easily sign up online and get paired with a licensed provider. That's the right fit for your needs, typically within 48 hours. You can also switch providers at no extra cost.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, the best part is you can. You can get yourself help from the comfort of your own home, which we think is a big Deal. Because these days, we're very busy. We're on the go. We're on the move. You might have kids, you might have something going on. And why not try Talkspace? Because Talkspace, the leading virtual therapy provider, makes getting the help you need easy, accessible, and affordable.

[Andrew Santino]

As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com bad friends and enter promo code SPACE80 to.

[Bobby Lee]

Match with a licensed therapist. Today, go to talkspace.com bad Friends and enter promo code SPACE80 to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's talkspace.com bad friends promo code space80.

[Andrew Santino]

Rocket money. Rocket money is a personal finance ad that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm happy right now, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

You know why I get it?

[Bobby Lee]

Because I canceled a bunch of unwanted subscriptions.

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly.

[Bobby Lee]

Thanks to Rocket Money. Because I had a whole bunch of money going out there.

[Andrew Santino]

I probably spend, like, say, like thousands and dollars a year.

[Bobby Lee]

You?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Thousands of thousands. With Rocket Money, you can easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Get alerts if bills increase in price, there's unusual spending activity, or if you're close to going over budget.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate to lower your bills for you. You don't got to do it. Okay. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them. Negotiate for me, please. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to. And Rocket Money has over 5 million users, has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year. When using all of the app's premium.

[Andrew Santino]

Features, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocket money.com bad friends today.

[Bobby Lee]

That's rocket money.com bad friends. Rocket money.com bad friends. That's my point, though. That's why I'm gonna give it to a charity. Because what do I. I care. No, give charity.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

We should give it away.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, can I have something of yours?

[Bobby Lee]

You actually do.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

I can't tell you.

[Andrew Santino]

I think you're lying.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, now you do get something.

[Andrew Santino]

Now we get to this. The topic of death, and I'm.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not death. No, no, it's just a beautiful way of. You have to frame your life while you're here. And they tell you you're not young anymore. You gotta set up a thing in case you go away. So in case this World War iii happens in 2025 that we're in.

[Andrew Santino]

But when you see like a celebrity die at 53. Because I'm 53. Right. You go, because I feel so young still. And you just kind of go, oh, it can happen at any time.

[Bobby Lee]

Ricky Henderson died. The. The baseball player. I know this episode will be out significantly after.

[Andrew Santino]

But how old, how old was he?

[Bobby Lee]

Young, dude, I think he was 63. Which that me up. I think he died. He died of 65.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And he died of pneumonia. What. Which never had. Maybe he had pre existing conditions. Something else. So Bobby, this guy, the way you love. The way you love football player, soccer players. This guy was the man. Like, he was the. Well, I mean, he was. He didn't play for anything that I love. He was just back in. When I was a kid. He was. He was incredible. Ricky Anderson was a man.

[Andrew Santino]

So fast.

[Bobby Lee]

Like a supreme athlete.

[Andrew Santino]

Literally never heard of him.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at the size of his fucking legs.

[Andrew Santino]

Those are. Those are.

[Bobby Lee]

That's big. I'm not joking. That's bigger than your body. That's bigger than your stomach. I'm not kidding. But 65 is so young. That's what scares me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's pretty young.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, that's so young. You're. You're 50.

[Andrew Santino]

How was. How old was Bob Saget?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, Bob was a tragic accident.

[Andrew Santino]

How old was he?

[Bobby Lee]

I think he was in his mid-50s or late-50s. 50s.

[Andrew Santino]

60S.

[Bobby Lee]

He was 6. He was 60.

[Andrew Santino]

65.

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that, that, that me up.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, that was a horrible accident. That should have never happened.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, right.

[Bobby Lee]

So that he would have lived significantly longer. He wasn't sick or anything. That was just a bad accident.

[Andrew Santino]

What a good guy. Anyway, no more death. No more. Let's not talk about death anymore. Let's talk about life.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's talk about the birth of life. Let's talk about a birth of life. The ancient big head people. Scientists uncover a lost human in Asia with an abnormally large skull that lived alongside Homo sapiens. A hundred.

[Andrew Santino]

They're called Asians. What are you talking about?

[Bobby Lee]

Big head people. That's what they did.

[Andrew Santino]

That's just what they just call them Asians. Dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that what they just called them, Big head people?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Look at how. Okay. How big is it? Okay. From that photo, I can't tell this.

[Carlos]

Is what they like a mock up of them.

[Andrew Santino]

He looks what the.

[Bobby Lee]

That looks like what's his name who works at the store?

[George]

Yeah, yeah, but is that why Koreans have such big heads? Because they intermingled a little bit?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's right.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a. I don't know what the people are called in. In Korea or in Japan, but there was a. There's a type of people that were. They didn't look Asian, but they're mixed with Asians and that's why Japanese people look the way they do.

[Carlos]

It's nicotine.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Carlos]

I'm not vaping weed at work.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

We don't know anymore.

[Andrew Santino]

We don't know anymore. We don't and we know.

[Bobby Lee]

No, we know we know. How about that? How about we know we know, bro?

[Carlos]

I'm not smoking weed at work or like whenever you've seen me.

[Andrew Santino]

You're smoking weed outside of work, though.

[Carlos]

I'm not vaping weed or anything like that. I'm not.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, what's the truth?

[Carlos]

The truth is that.

[Bobby Lee]

But did you take something last week?

[Carlos]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean?

[Carlos]

Oh, at bad here at work? I. Dude, I never come to work high.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, but you do it awful work.

[Carlos]

I have. Yes, a little bit, but I'm not like.

[Andrew Santino]

Cuz when I saw you in that alleyway. When I saw you in the alleyway.

[Bobby Lee]

You did look stoned.

[Andrew Santino]

You looked stoned.

[Carlos]

Dude, when.

[Andrew Santino]

When I caught you in the alleyway.

[Carlos]

Dude, that was a.

[Andrew Santino]

Were you not high?

[Carlos]

I was not high that night.

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing.

[Carlos]

I was embarrassed because I was with a girl.

[Andrew Santino]

No, dude, there's something going on.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean you were embarrassed? You were with a girl? That's.

[Andrew Santino]

No, there was a girl and a gu. Guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, right.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And then they were doing some sort of tr. Like some sexual three way and I was.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you have a threesome?

[Carlos]

No, I didn't, but I was embarrassed. Bobby caught me like, striking out with a girl.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, well, yeah, it's kind of funny.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but.

[Carlos]

But I didn't bring like, you've never seen me vape weed in Australia here. Ever. Never.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you. Did you hook up with the guy and not the girl?

[Carlos]

No, but he was like more in interested in like talking to me. It was weird.

[Bobby Lee]

What is with you?

[Carlos]

He DM me later.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh yeah.

[Carlos]

I watched this reality show this weekend and I only related to the gay men on it.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Anyway, what's going on?

[Bobby Lee]

What's it called?

[Carlos]

Mexican Dynasties.

[Andrew Santino]

I loved it.

[Bobby Lee]

Have I seen this. Have we seen this Mexican dynasties reality show.

[Carlos]

It's so good about rich people in Mexico City.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, wow.

[Bobby Lee]

We had. Now I have to watch that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because rich Mexicans are my favorite.

[Andrew Santino]

They're my favorite. Yeah, yeah. Great restaurants in Mexico City, I hear. I mean, is that the people. What? Juman, right? What are they called?

[Bobby Lee]

Juman. Joman.

[Andrew Santino]

Joman people. So they. At one point, they look like a Spanish midfield soccer player. Okay. And then they mixed it with you. I mean, a regular age. Right, right. And then it. The Japanese occurred, but at one point they look like that.

[Bobby Lee]

See, it's interesting when people. It is funny when the more mixing there is as time has gone on.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like. Like Tiger Woods. Look at his kids. He just plays. Playing in this thing with his son, obviously.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me see what Tiger woods looks like.

[Bobby Lee]

But he's got a daughter and a son, but it's like, you couldn't tell what that kid is. You'd have no idea what that kid.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, the kid. Islander. They always look Hawaiian.

[Bobby Lee]

Pacific Islander.

[Andrew Santino]

At the end of the day, when you mix enough, they're Hawaiian.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you, Hawaiian?

[Andrew Santino]

You know who's cute? Jordan Peele and Chelsea Peretti's kid. There's no photo. I did see a photo. I mean, it was a. Through a text or something. He was like, really cute. Like, handsome almost.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a big thing. People now, celebrities, they put their kids up on the Internet, but they cover their face with like a smiley face or like an ice cream cone. It's weird. Why then. Then why even have the photo itself? Do you know what I mean? Like, why put up the pic if you don't want to have your family on there? Don't put them on there. But then why put them on there and then cover up their face? That seems so strange. It's like, just do it or don't do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you like. I miss Jordan. Do you ever miss people?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know him. I don't miss him because. I don't know. Yeah, I miss.

[Andrew Santino]

I used to hang out with him every day for so long, and then I just kind of miss him.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I stayed on the phone last night with Jay Larson for like an hour. Dude, because the story.

[Andrew Santino]

I love that guy so much.

[Bobby Lee]

He's the best dude and he's a great guy. So funny. And dude, we called each other because it was like the old days. The hallway was like, dude, I saw you.

[Andrew Santino]

That was good.

[Bobby Lee]

It just felt like.

[Andrew Santino]

It felt like the old Days. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And so Jay called me, and he and I. Or I called Jay and we both said the same thing. I was like, dude, that felt like. It used to feel when. It was like. I don't know, when the store had people coming and going more and everyone was finally in town.

[Andrew Santino]

That was fun. Yeah, it was great. It's a fun. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But I miss. There are some guys that I miss now.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to. Can you be completely honest with me? Because you did great last. I wasn't going to say anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, boy.

[Andrew Santino]

But let's just get it out of the way. When I walked in the improv and I saw you in the dark.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I got the vibe of you going, get away from me. Was that true?

[Bobby Lee]

No, you know better.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, I'm being real.

[Bobby Lee]

When. When have I ever done that?

[Andrew Santino]

You were sitting there on your phone. You look up at me, I look at you, and then you went back into your phone, and I just left the room. No, that's what happened.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I know, but I did. Because it was quiet in the room. But if. When I see you at the store, we always say, hi. What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I'll tell you what it really was, is I was.

[Andrew Santino]

You're back.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I was in the middle of a little pain. Little pain moment. And I was sitting there in pain until the drugs kicked in.

[Andrew Santino]

That was a good, fun improv spot.

[Bobby Lee]

It was great.

[Andrew Santino]

I thought they were good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they were very good.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they were very good. Except that girl who left in your set also. Left in my set.

[Andrew Santino]

I hate that.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you doing?

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, that I. In the middle of a setup, you don't go. You don't stand up in the front row, dude. And leave. I have to say something.

[Bobby Lee]

Where are you going?

[Andrew Santino]

Where the fuck are you going? Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Right now? Yeah, right now.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. There's. There's. There's an obvious piss break, which is when the host goes up.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And brings people on. That's your way out.

[Bobby Lee]

In between comics.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Or. Or, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Sit it out in the middle of the set at that joke. Joke, joke. And then when there's a little break between jokes, then get up and get out as fast as you can. But not when you're, like, in the middle of a setup. It's like right when you're starting to tell a joke and someone's like. And they get. And you're like, I wouldn't do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because then everybody goes, what's that guy doing? Is he gonna.

[Andrew Santino]

Where's he headed to in the main room, Something happened where I told one joke that I knew that some people aren't gonna like. And then I looked to my left, and these two girls were so tuned out at me, I stopped the show. And I look at him and go, you guys are tuned out. And one girl did this, and this isn't even fun. I don't know what she was doing. She just goes like that.

[Bobby Lee]

She goes, oh, she showed your feet.

[Andrew Santino]

And put her feet in my face.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

With two feet coming up.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

I go, what the is that? And I just walked to the other side of the stage. I go, that's weird. I've never seen that before in my life. What the are you doing? It was almost. It was like, you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Double.

[Andrew Santino]

Double with my feet.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna ask you another thing is have you ever had this happen? You're at a club, Harmony Club.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a woman there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Very attractive.

[Bobby Lee]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

But there's crazy in their eyes. And so then you have to. And she was like. She. You know, and I can tell that when she gave me a hug, it was like her chest into me, and that she wouldn't let go. Oh, wow. Right?

[Bobby Lee]

She was gonna kill you.

[Andrew Santino]

Right? And I. And I. And she goes. She looks at me like, what are we doing? And I go, oh, no, I'm seeing somebody.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, she was looking now.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Because, Carlos, have you ever met anybody that you're like, I think it's crazy, and I can't do it, or do you do it?

[Bobby Lee]

He goes for 60, 40.

[Carlos]

Like, when I was younger, I would do it more now. I try not to, but also fail. So I usually.

[Andrew Santino]

I think it's 100 fail for you.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I usually.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do 64. Don't do 64. I know.

[Carlos]

I try.

[Andrew Santino]

How about you?

[Bobby Lee]

When I see people back in the day. Crazy eyes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, crazy eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

Immediately, I run for the hills.

[Andrew Santino]

She was hot, but crazy eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, the hot ones do have crazy eyes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Carlos]

But if she's hot.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but it's like, I. I understand that. I was. It was a. It was a dilemma.

[Bobby Lee]

You did the right thing.

[Andrew Santino]

I think so. Because you don't want crazy eyes in the morning.

[Bobby Lee]

She's like, I moved in.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Yeah. That's what I mean.

[Bobby Lee]

That's my U haul.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I figured. That's okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, when they say crazy things, like, I make fresh pasta from scratch.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, no. See, I'm intrigued.

[Andrew Santino]

You are?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. No, no, Fresh pasta. I'm into a fresh pasta.

[Andrew Santino]

Your third line in.

[Bobby Lee]

I make.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm. I'm. You know, I mean, I'm Candace. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, Candace.

[Andrew Santino]

I live in la.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

I make fresh pasta.

[Bobby Lee]

You do?

[Andrew Santino]

From scratch. That's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

I would love fresh pasta. Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

Third in. You're fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Fresh pasta. She didn't say, I, like, hand pluck goose feathers. She's not like, I kill geese in my backyard.

[Andrew Santino]

It's some arbitrary, like, information that, like, shouldn't be in the third thing.

[Bobby Lee]

As long as the arbitrary information is something cool, like, I make something neat. I do an artistic thing. That's cool.

[Andrew Santino]

But if she said okay, I'm gonna say something.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Hi.

[Bobby Lee]

Hi. How are you?

[Andrew Santino]

My name is Lisbon.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, Lisbon.

[Andrew Santino]

I live in Burbank.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, great. Yeah, I know Burbank. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And you know the end of lamp fixtures? I suck on those.

[Bobby Lee]

You do?

[Andrew Santino]

Crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

I love it. I have so many lamps. You like that? You like that?

[Andrew Santino]

So that's not nuts to you?

[Bobby Lee]

Not at all.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Hi. Hey.

[Andrew Santino]

Hi. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, Bobby. I'm such a big fan.

[Andrew Santino]

What's your name?

[Bobby Lee]

Shandela. Shandela Chandela. Like Chandelier and Andrea Chandelier.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Hi. Chandelier.

[Bobby Lee]

That's. My mom was a chandelier salesperson.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

My dad's name was Andrea.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

My name is Chandela.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

I live on the west side.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I live by Santa Monica.

[Andrew Santino]

It's.

[Bobby Lee]

It's.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I know what the west side. I know what the west side have.

[Bobby Lee]

A nuclear bomb. It won't get to us.

[Andrew Santino]

Google.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you know that?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I do.

[Bobby Lee]

I floss my teeth with my own hair. I just want to let you know. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you say?

[Andrew Santino]

That's fine.

[Bobby Lee]

That wouldn't turn you off?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think that would turn me off.

[Bobby Lee]

She takes her hair, flosses her teeth, puts it back.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Like when women do.

[Bobby Lee]

That wouldn't turn you off.

[Andrew Santino]

That turns you off.

[Bobby Lee]

If you use her hair to floss.

[Andrew Santino]

That turns you off. Me, too.

[Bobby Lee]

Then way more than.

[Andrew Santino]

Me, too.

[Bobby Lee]

Then more than sucking on a lamp Fucking thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. No, I think that's pretty normal.

[Bobby Lee]

If you floss with your hair and then put your hair back like it never happened. And this is every day.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What about this? When a p. I had a girl, we were taking a shower together and she peed in the shower.

[Bobby Lee]

Love.

[Andrew Santino]

I love that.

[Bobby Lee]

Pee on me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But you know what? And I'm. And I'm fine with that.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

But when I poo in the Bathtub. It's Armageddon.

[Bobby Lee]

It is. It should be.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, whoa. You could do that, and I can't when I'm taking a bath.

[Bobby Lee]

Two different things.

[Andrew Santino]

They are.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Completely.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

You know that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But.

[Bobby Lee]

Hi.

[Andrew Santino]

What? Hi.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm Cassette.

[Andrew Santino]

Like. Like a tape cassette.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know what that is. I'm 25.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, hey, cassette.

[Bobby Lee]

Hi. I'm such a big fan of Bad Friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, thank you, Cassette.

[Bobby Lee]

I love you.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyway, I got another set to do.

[Bobby Lee]

I. I live in Venice. Do you want to come over to my house?

[Andrew Santino]

You look. What? What on what street? Lincoln.

[Bobby Lee]

Wayward.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I know Wayward. Yeah, very specific.

[Bobby Lee]

I collect dead pigeons. I embalm them, and my house is filled with them.

[Andrew Santino]

Your taxidermy? No. What do you call it?

[Bobby Lee]

I call it just pigeon girl. I'm pigeon girl.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. I'm out.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm out.

[Bobby Lee]

I have huge tits.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. What else?

[Bobby Lee]

And I love Korean men.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a win. Well, third thing. And then I'm in. Give me one good one.

[Bobby Lee]

I. Homemade. I make homemade pasta.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm out. I'm out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If she. Okay, I want to say if she looked like Margot Robbie. Hot, right?

[Bobby Lee]

So hot.

[Andrew Santino]

So hot. Right?

[Bobby Lee]

She's so beautiful.

[Andrew Santino]

And she had crazy eyes. Yeah, right? The floss would be fine. I think the pasta would be fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Pasta is obviously fine.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Dead pigeons all over the house of taxidermy. Pigeon.

[Andrew Santino]

I think dead pigeons would be fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Too, if it's Margot Robbie.

[Andrew Santino]

Margot Robbie. What about you? If you were not with your wife.

[Bobby Lee]

I would have to get in and get out. I'd be like, look, let's hang out once. But if you start with pigeons, where else does it go? With the pigeon lady?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, no, what if. I mean, dude, this is what happens. Because you know what Trisha Payta said.

[Bobby Lee]

You knock up a pigeon lady.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but you know how there are women in. At Hollywood clubs that seek celebrities to get impregnated by them? Oh, yeah, there's a lot of those.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. You got to be careful. You're out there hanging out, having fun, being single, and it's like, you never know, some girl could be Ms. Lee.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but what I do is I do edging, and I edge, and I don't come. Do you do that?

[Carlos]

I have.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But, you know, edging still leaks a little bit.

[Andrew Santino]

You.

[Bobby Lee]

Your pipes aren't closed anymore.

[Andrew Santino]

Why does it leak?

[Bobby Lee]

Because you're. We're getting Older, you're going to leak. Like after you go to the bathroom, after you take a piss. You piss your pants a little bit afterwards.

[Andrew Santino]

I do.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

How do you know?

[Bobby Lee]

We all do.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, good.

[Bobby Lee]

But as you get older, it gets worse. My dad sometimes will piss his actual.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it does.

[Bobby Lee]

He'll just piss his pants.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He'll be like, oh, God damn it. Well, you know, a spot like this.

[Andrew Santino]

Big, you know, how do you ever. Have you caught me smelling my penis?

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

You never caught me doing. Have you caught me doing that?

[Bobby Lee]

Smelling it.

[Andrew Santino]

You've caught me, George. Right, no, yeah, yeah. What I'll do is. And it's quick.

[Bobby Lee]

I just go, oh, I've seen you do that.

[Andrew Santino]

You see me do that, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's because of the leaking.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you want to make sure you're not leaking too much.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You leak, don't you, Carlos? Yeah, those.

[Andrew Santino]

Those pipes leak now.

[Bobby Lee]

George leaks for sure.

[Andrew Santino]

So my. So my. When my brother was 12 years old, he had a neighborhood, this Jewish kid that came over, and my brother had a Casio keyboard that my parents had bought him for his birthday.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And when my dad took naps, right? If you made. If a feather fell on the ground, forget it. It's the incredible. The yellow Incredible Hulk. It's like. You know what I mean? All right, so my brother was playing keyboards, right? My dad took naps naked.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

So this is broad daylight on a Saturday, right? My dad walks into my brother's room completely naked, right? My dad, he takes the keyboard and smashes it on my brother's back. Cheese are flying out, right? But when he turned around, my brother and his friend laughed because what did they see?

[Bobby Lee]

Your dad's little Korean penis.

[Andrew Santino]

No, he turned around, leaving the room.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, his ass.

[Andrew Santino]

The Korean kite. My dad used to sleep with a bunch of toilet paper jammed in his butthole. And the fucking toilet paper would be sticking out. He'd look like a Korean kite, right? Shopify. If you don't have Shopify, you're sinking, dude, deep. It's a new year, 2025, and you're thinking, how am I going to make this year different? How am I going to build something for myself? I'm dying to be on my own, boss, or see if I can turn this business idea I've been kicking around into reality. But I don't know how to make it happen.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, look, if you're starting a business, because we've been doing a little business, we like getting you guys merch and all sorts of Fun stuff from the Bad Friends show. Without Shopify we couldn't make that possible. They make it easy to manage your growing business. They help with all the details like shipping and taxes and payments all in one dashboard. It's totally built in to help you focus on making the art and growing your business or whatever it is you're doing. So you got to act now. You'll regret it if you don't get.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

Establish in 2025. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Sign up for your $1 per month trial [e-mail] Bad Friends. That's all lowercase. Go to shopify.com Bad Friends to start selling with Shopify today.

[Andrew Santino]

That's shopify.com Bad Friends manscape we like you just the way you are. But let's be real.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's be real about.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

Manscaped has a 30 day money back guarantee so you can try it risk free. Join the 11 million men worldwide who trust manscaped and revamp your grooming routine with the beard and balls bundle. Get 20% off plus free shipping with the code bad [e-mail] Just get 20%.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

You can also filter based on specific preferences. Andrew Whether that's looking for a male doctor, speaks a specific language, has availability that fits with your work schedule or has an opening in the next day or so.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. Here's the best part. Appointments made through Zocdoc can also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. And I did that myself.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

That's z d.combadfriends zoc doc.com bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

And the reason why I didn't know until now I know my age and I had to stick toilet paper.

[Bobby Lee]

You leak or something?

[Andrew Santino]

There's a little bit of leakage sometimes.

[Bobby Lee]

At night or just when you 247 when you sleep. Right now you have TP up.

[Andrew Santino]

Well I'm on Ozempic right now so it clogs it up.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

But in just regular sometimes.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So I have to like and what I do is I don't know if you know the notice. I don't know why I'm revealing. This is so disgusting.

[Bobby Lee]

Give it to me.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I'm already giving it to you.

[Bobby Lee]

Well go.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. This is so disgusting. I don't even know I should say that but I'm gonna do I fuck it. I don't care. But it's like if you notice I work, I have bottles of cologne on.

[Bobby Lee]

Me all the time right in your.

[Andrew Santino]

Car and have wet naps.

[Bobby Lee]

Sure. Right on the go.

[Andrew Santino]

So this is an emergency kit. So what I do is at the LAX or whatever. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, when we're traveling, that's what you're doing. You go wipe off the leak and spray, spray, spray.

[Andrew Santino]

I spray on the pad, on the.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Wet ones.

[Bobby Lee]

I've smelled it.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. Then I do a thing. Right. Just in case.

[Bobby Lee]

Just in case there's leakage.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You don't have emergency things like that. Anybody in the room, please back me up. Anybody?

[Carlos]

We're not over 50.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's true.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's just. I think it's. I think that's hereditary. I think that's your family. I think it's your dad.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So my dad. I think I'm a Korean kite as well.

[Bobby Lee]

You should start walking around with it in there, just in case, you know?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, my dad used to. I mean, dude, one time, man. My dad, My dad. My mom up on rice.

[Bobby Lee]

She up rice.

[Andrew Santino]

When Koreans up rice, people get mad.

[Bobby Lee]

That's divorce.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's how. That's how marriages end.

[Andrew Santino]

So the dry Weiss rice was way too dry.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So my brother and I, my mom and dad were at the dinner table, and my dad and you know. You know Korean food. What's the great thing about Korean food? When it comes, when you're at a Korean restaurant? All the little.

[Bobby Lee]

The little. The little sides.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Hundred. So, you know, my mom did the same thing. There's like 15 little tiny. You know, I mean.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I love that.

[Andrew Santino]

It's the best. Right?

[Bobby Lee]

I love that.

[Andrew Santino]

And the little grill on the table. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Snacks.

[Andrew Santino]

And then the rice was a little too dry, and once I took the bite of the rice, my mind went, oh, oh, no. Dry rice. Dry rice. Right, right. My dad took the table and threw it into the ceiling, and all the ponchan stuck to the ceiling. And it rained kimchi. Right? No, I'm not kidding you, dude. And it was like, oh. My mom was running from my dad. It was insane kimchi rain. So if you're Korean, don't make the dry. Make it perfect. The rice.

[Bobby Lee]

Make the rice perfect.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

See, my parents.

[Andrew Santino]

There's so much trauma.

[Bobby Lee]

My parents never cooked. My mom wasn't a big cook. My dad's favorite meal of my mom's is called burnt chicken.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

It's called burnt chicken?

[Andrew Santino]

No sauce?

[Bobby Lee]

No, there's a load of sauce.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

All. Everything is sauce.

[Andrew Santino]

What kind of sauce?

[Bobby Lee]

She does like a. She does like a homemade. It's like a Honey barbecue with. It's got a homemade barbecue with teriyaki base. You know, it's like a teriyaki base.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a good. That's a good.

[Bobby Lee]

But it's burned chicken. Yeah, it's chicken that they burned.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you ever do Hungry Man?

[Bobby Lee]

The Hungry man meals?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

The frozen Every meal.

[Bobby Lee]

Love those.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. My favorite thing of the hunger meal is that little dessert section. Like the apple. Yeah, the brownie or apple or whatever. Oh, it's the best.

[Bobby Lee]

You never did Hungry Mans?

[Carlos]

No, I've done it before. I know the.

[Bobby Lee]

Your parents, doctors. He didn't have to do that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Doctors fed you?

[Carlos]

No, I had in la.

[Andrew Santino]

My favorite is turkey and the little stuffing gravy one with the mashed potatoes.

[Bobby Lee]

What is that?

[Andrew Santino]

That green peas and then the little. That's a Hungry Man. Yeah. And there's. I just don't do frozen pasta. Do you do that?

[Bobby Lee]

In college I did a lot in the bag of Stouffers. You know the Stouffer's meals? Yeah, I used to do those. And one time I was visiting my buddy TYLER In. In D.C. and I had a late night flight and it was storming outside, storming. And Tyler and I, you know, we used to get high together all the time. That's how we met in high school. Smoking weed at lunch and I have a late night flight. He makes one of those Stouffers. Look at the Stouffer's. Two for one pasta bags. He makes one of these Stouffer's late night pasta bags. Right? One of those right there. That bag. No bag. Right, Exactly. Like, whoa, Asiago chicken. Right? So he grills up one of these things, you know, feeds me before I catch my flight. We're in college and I'm sitting there and I go to the bathroom and I'm like feeling kind of out of it, and I'm like, jesus Christ, what am I doing? I go back and sit down and I'm like feeling funky and I'm already kind of anxious because it's a. It's a midnight flight or whatever, pouring down rain. And he goes, you stoned? I go, what? I'm not stoned. Do you feel stoned? I go, why? He goes, I put a huge chunk of weed butter in the Stouffer skillets. I was like, wait, are you serious? He goes, oh, yeah. I put a load in there. He's like, I figured it'd be good for your flight. I was like, no, bad, bad.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you get high?

[Bobby Lee]

So high.

[Andrew Santino]

I was so were you Mad.

[Bobby Lee]

I was. No, I couldn't be mad. I was scared.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I was like, how am I gonna get to the airport? How am I getting home? He's like, oh, what do you mean? You'll catch a cab, you'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Panic.

[Andrew Santino]

If somebody did that to me now. Oh, sober. Oh, I'll be. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Free one.

[Bobby Lee]

No, dude, I got way too high.

[Carlos]

Should I do it as a surprise?

[Bobby Lee]

No. Fuck you.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. Because now it's not. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Idiot.

[Andrew Santino]

If I eat a bowl of pasta you gave me, there's no way I would know secretly that you did it.

[Bobby Lee]

Imagine you dose his pasta, but because you Ozempic, he can't finish it ever even gets high.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Wow, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

So many of our friends are on Ozempic.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

It's crazy how many people are talking to me about it or whatever the other one is that you're on.

[Andrew Santino]

We go. There's a bunch of different ones.

[Bobby Lee]

The amount of people, and I can't name names, it's not my business to say, but the amount of people that have told me so many privately are on it.

[Andrew Santino]

So many.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm blowing my mind. I feel like I. It's like a thing. It's almost like a thing I'm finding out that, you know, when you find out as you get older, something your parents did, that you're like, everybody did that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Your parents, like. Yeah. We just didn't. Don't worry about it. Shut up. I had like. I had no idea that many people took this.

[Andrew Santino]

It really does work though. It's. I. I can't believe it.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. I can believe it. It's. It's. It's what? It's, you know, it's supposed to help people stop eating and it's working.

[Andrew Santino]

Like you've. When. Because I've been taking this girl out to Blvd.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I even me, you know what I order. There I go. Give me as my meal, I get the three sauteed shrimp. It's so good.

[Bobby Lee]

They are so good, right?

[Andrew Santino]

And I'll get some, you know, halibut ceviche. You're right. And that's it. And that's all night. That's the only thing I'll eat.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You won't even have a piece of steak?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

What? No.

[Andrew Santino]

She ate a tomahawk like this.

[Bobby Lee]

No dessert.

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing. No dessert, Nothing. That's. I can't get anything else in.

[Carlos]

That's incredible.

[Andrew Santino]

You eat it. You're like, I'm done. I can't. I'm about to vomit. It's amazing.

[Bobby Lee]

It is a miracle.

[Andrew Santino]

And then you don't get, like, hunger pains at night.

[Bobby Lee]

What about. Yeah, in the middle of the night?

[Andrew Santino]

Sometimes I do eat cereal in the.

[Bobby Lee]

Middle of the night.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, and I'll eat either. My favorite is. I love golden grams. Oh, GGs, right? I like Cinnamon Life.

[Bobby Lee]

I like Cinnamon Life.

[Andrew Santino]

Cinnamon Life, my friend.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, here's why you like it.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Because the milk is phenomenal. I want to do Cinnamon Life and just bottle that milk afterwards.

[Andrew Santino]

That's.

[Bobby Lee]

Sell Cinnamon Life.

[Andrew Santino]

Smart. You're a breakout.

[Bobby Lee]

Why don't they do that?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's.

[Bobby Lee]

What's your least favorite cereal? This is easy.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's so easy. Captain Crunch.

[Bobby Lee]

Because it cuts your tongue and your mouth.

[Andrew Santino]

I hate the flavor. Everything about it.

[Bobby Lee]

But the Peanut Butter Cafe Crunch is pretty good.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't eat it. I hate it.

[Bobby Lee]

What about, like, Booberries?

[Andrew Santino]

Hate it.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna tell you right now what I like.

[Bobby Lee]

Count Chocula.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that like Fruity Pebbles?

[Bobby Lee]

No, Count Chocolate is like an iteration of Captain Crock. Okay. Fruity Pebbles.

[Andrew Santino]

Anything fruity. Pebbly. I like. I don't like that.

[George]

Do you like anything that doesn't come with a toy? Just make it up for Andres being gone.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, well, you're doing a great job because he's just as shitty as you. That's the same Bob that.

[Andrew Santino]

That, that, that, that. That. That makes me mad. That. That right there is. Ruined it all for me.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Cocoa Pebbles is the same as fruity.

[Andrew Santino]

I like the. I like anything pebbly.

[Bobby Lee]

You are a pebble guy.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm a pebble guy. And then also. Okay, so Fruit Loops. No, no.

[Bobby Lee]

So, like, Loops. So Apple Jacks are out. Wow, that's crazy. Apple Jacks are so good.

[Andrew Santino]

Here. What I do like, I like the. The frosted Mini Wheats.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, first of all, it absorbs the milk.

[Bobby Lee]

It's great.

[Andrew Santino]

It's the best.

[Bobby Lee]

They need more frosting.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I like the one side frosting.

[Bobby Lee]

Should go all the way around.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not true at all.

[Bobby Lee]

Frosting.

[Andrew Santino]

Too much. It's too much. It's too much.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you're. Then you're eating just Shredded Wheat. Because, by the way, sometimes I'll say this. Listen up, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Those things are the best.

[Bobby Lee]

Listen up. Kellogg's.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll tell you what pisses me off about frosted Mini Wheats. Lately. They've been skipping on the frost. A lot of times, I'll see a mini wheat there. The whole thing, the whole one side isn't frosted. It'll be a little piece of frost.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at that long piece of fucking.

[Bobby Lee]

Sometimes you get a double down.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want a double one.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I love that.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, so I suck it like this, right? I know you do. So, and I've talked about this before. I think, I don't know where, but. And I've had to campaign because in the late 70s, early 80s.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

There was one thing that was the greatest thing ever made. It was the greatest thing ever made. It's what I survived on. I, I, if I think about it today, my mouth waters.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, give me the initials. I can guess it.

[Andrew Santino]

You're never gonna guess it.

[Bobby Lee]

Give me the initials.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll just say Carnation.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, into the instant breakfast.

[Andrew Santino]

No, in the early 80s, there was a Carnation breakfast bar.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you told us about this. Yeah, yeah, right, the breakfast bar.

[Andrew Santino]

And they stopped making it. And if you go online, people still want the recipe.

[Bobby Lee]

I remember this thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it is the, was the greatest breakfast thing. The way it fell apart in your mouth.

[Bobby Lee]

Crunch. The crunch, the crumble.

[Andrew Santino]

Everything about it I would take, I would buy 15 boxes at the fucking thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Is Carnation still a company? Look that up. Do they still exist?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, they are. They do, but they don't make those bars.

[Bobby Lee]

Somebody owns them.

[Andrew Santino]

Somebody's got to remake that.

[Bobby Lee]

Why don't we fucking. We should do Bad Friends. Carnation Breakfast Bars. Who owns Carnation now?

[Andrew Santino]

Look that Nestle.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, they do, yeah. Nestle, parent company.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Frazier and Neve.

[Andrew Santino]

And I think people have tried online. I've read on Reddit and stuff, people try to make it. I don't think they've, I think they've failed. If there's something magical about it, well.

[Bobby Lee]

The magic is gone.

[Andrew Santino]

It's gone.

[Bobby Lee]

Isn't it funny when you find out who owns something? Like, the other day I looked up JetBlue because I was like, they were booking me on a JetBlue flight because I gotta fly for this gig. And I was like, oh, yeah, JetBlue. And then look who owns JetBlue, by the way. Because I was looking up what the.

[Carlos]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Before you get to it, I was looking up what the flight stat. Like, are they owned by United? Like they had a partnership. Right? That's what I was looking for, for their points or whatever. And then I accidentally looked up who owns it. Zoom in. Look at this. BlackRock Vanguard, BlackRock Dude, I don't know who that is. One of the largest fucking like venture capital conglomerate. They own the world.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

They're probably the. They're probably the biggest purveyors of like, war. Blackrock is basically. I mean, they make everything. Look what they own. As of December, BlackRock's market cap net worth is $159 billion. The world's largest money management firm. They own everything.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Carlos]

They have 11.5 trillion.

[Bobby Lee]

Trillion in assets. Which means they. Which means they're.

[Andrew Santino]

Trillion.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, because they're. It's their military. They make military.

[Andrew Santino]

Trillion. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Big T. Imagine. What would you do if you were a trillionaire?

[Bobby Lee]

You'd never see me again.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, you'd see me. No, on everything.

[Bobby Lee]

Put yourself on billboards. All up and down.

[Andrew Santino]

Clouds. The clouds would be my face.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that a cloud?

[Andrew Santino]

You would look up, all the clouds would be.

[Bobby Lee]

They're bobby seating again. So fucking rad.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Private military companies. Black. Black rock. Not black water. That's black water.

[Carlos]

No, but blackrock does military contracting.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they do contracting, right. Trillion. Well, dude, you saw what happened the other day to fucking Elon Musk, right? Since Trump's election, he made $40 billion because of. Because of his stock options and everything like that. Shot through the roof between X SpaceX, X Tesla. 439 billion. $439 billion billion dollars.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that. Jeff Bezos. 237. Nice try.

[Carlos]

He's getting married.

[Bobby Lee]

Who is?

[Carlos]

Bezos.

[Bobby Lee]

He's getting married.

[Carlos]

Yeah, in Aspen, I think this weekend.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you going? Did you get invited?

[Carlos]

No, no. Surprised you.

[Bobby Lee]

We should all get invited. For how many? Amazon. My house is an Amazon factory. The amount of my wife gets up from Amazon. Comical. No, it's. Honestly, at this point, the driver the other day goes back again.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Back again. That's what he says.

[Andrew Santino]

Is she addicted? I'm addicted. Is she addicted?

[Bobby Lee]

She's bad addicted.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. What'd she get?

[Bobby Lee]

Like, just. It's all for the house. It's. It's like. It's stuff. It's small stuff for the house.

[Andrew Santino]

And you don't yell at her ever.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Why? Who gives a. So if it's just funny to me, I'm like, poor.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, so does she say to you, did she. You know, I spent $4,200 this week?

[Bobby Lee]

No, she doesn't spend that. It's not like that. It's just small stuff.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but she, she, she, she doesn't have to go to you and go, hey, I spent this?

[Bobby Lee]

No. Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. That's great.

[Bobby Lee]

What a great dad, a bro, husband, dad, brother, husband. What a great dad, brother, husband.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you know, some, some guys are like that, like, hey, sweet, I want to see the receipts or you know.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, no, cuz she's not buying crazy. She's just buying like she's.

[Andrew Santino]

So if she did spend like 22, $22,000 on something, would she tell you?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we'd have to have a conversation. $22,000. I'd be like, what was it?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

What was it?

[Andrew Santino]

Did you buy heels?

[Bobby Lee]

Baby, you bought twenty two thousand dollar high heels?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I bought like fourteen of them. That led up to twenty two thousand, so don't yell at me.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Well, I am.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a lot of money. Why are we spending $22,000 on shoes?

[Andrew Santino]

I like them.

[Bobby Lee]

I know that you like them, but could you get less than 14?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

You need them?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You promise?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. It's fine.

[Andrew Santino]

And you're fine with it?

[Bobby Lee]

I guess if you say you need them. What am I going to do? If you say you need.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

What am I going to. What am I going to say? Yeah, because then it's like, then I want to go buy something fun for me and. Because she could be like, why do you want that car? I really love cars. What's the justification?

[Andrew Santino]

Right?

[Bobby Lee]

We all have our bullshit that the. Our partner could go, well, that's stupid as fuck.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And by the way, it probably is. Shoes are dumb, clothes are dumb, cars are dumb, toys are dumb. But like, I want. We want them, so fuck it.

[Andrew Santino]

Guess What? The number one thing I buy off of TikTok and Instagram and I get something every week.

[Bobby Lee]

Sex toys.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Carlos]

Pants?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Shoes.

[George]

Slides.

[Andrew Santino]

What's the slide mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Sandals. Flip flop. He's right, that's comfy.

[George]

Sandals.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, oh. A thing for the. A thing for the cats. Yes, I fucking.

[Andrew Santino]

That.

[George]

And it never came. I was so mad.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank. For the cats. You know why?

[George]

Then I bought it on Amazon, the same thing. And the cat didn't even play with it.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why. That's why you have to buy a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

You gotta buy. You gotta buy more.

[Andrew Santino]

I buy everything. A bird, A mechanical bird. Right. You charge it. Right. And the cat just kind of walked by it. They don't give a fuck.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, you got to keep trying.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I keep trying. I bought a scratching post that looked like an Asian temple.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

And it's right outside my. When I left the house today, the box was there. So I'M going to assemble it when I get back. That's. I can't wait.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Stuff for the animal. I'll buy anything for the dog. I don't give a. Yeah, but when I say she. If she spent like. Look, if she had a problem, if it was bad and she spent too much money, where it was like, scary. Yeah, we'd have a conversation about it, but you know what I mean? It would have to be like, what the going on. But that was the thing I think about sometimes. Like, you hear these stories later in life. People that are like, the spouse was spending crazy money and they didn't know. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know right up. Stories where they're like, they had a gambling addiction and they were.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what happened? No. Sometimes the wife is so in debt and she's hiding from the husband.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And then they kill the husband.

[Andrew Santino]

I've seen a couple of those.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you seen a couple of them?

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, they kill them because they don't want to kill them.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You'd rather kill me than tell me we're in debt.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

Tell me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Or the worst.

[Bobby Lee]

And then what happens when you tell me that we're in debt?

[Andrew Santino]

Yo.

[Bobby Lee]

Then I kill you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why.

[Andrew Santino]

But. Or what would you do if you found out that your wife put a hit on you? I've seen a couple of those too.

[Bobby Lee]

It turned me on a little bit.

[Andrew Santino]

But how that would destroy me.

[Bobby Lee]

It'd be kind of hot, though. At first you'd want to it out.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Cause you'd be like, you try to kill me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I forgive you. But we gotta a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

We gotta a lot, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

If. If I found out my wife put a hit out on me? It'd be kind of. It would turn me on for the creativity of it.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Kind of rad. Would you find these guys.

[Andrew Santino]

It's divorce, though.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

That would be real.

[Bobby Lee]

Might be fight to the death.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. How about you?

[Bobby Lee]

How about you do it, George?

[George]

Oh, I'd just move away. I'd hide.

[Andrew Santino]

Would you get divorced, though?

[George]

No, I wouldn't even. I would not pass go. I'd just be. I'd be in the middle of Montana.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[George]

See Glacier National Park.

[Andrew Santino]

What your kids, though?

[Bobby Lee]

Kids? What kids?

[Andrew Santino]

You would take the kids?

[George]

If I had time. But if they. If they were a daycare, I'd just be gone. This first Greyhound out of town.

[Andrew Santino]

What a man.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you know what it is?

[Andrew Santino]

You're A real man, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

He doesn't want his kids or his wife. He's gone. This guy's dreaming in the mountains. In his mind he wants to run away by a little river.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you have enough to survive in the. Oh, yeah, but you're like, you know, Ted Kaczynski or whatever.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[George]

He was poor. That was his real problem. Yeah, he didn't get any. I really listened to a whole.

[Andrew Santino]

That is his name Ted Kaczynski? Yeah. Yeah. Unabomber, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[George]

Him and his brother were real weirdos.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You would have a beard. You'd be, like, making things in the fucking shed.

[Bobby Lee]

Make his own clothes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, you'd be so weird.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos, what would you do if your significant other put a hit on. On you?

[Carlos]

Oh, I'd call the FBI and.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

Rat, snitch brat.

[Andrew Santino]

No, her.

[Carlos]

Oh. Getting divorced is like a cheat code.

[Bobby Lee]

I would.

[Carlos]

Oh, now I get to be single.

[Bobby Lee]

I'd slowly poison her.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Oh, I like. Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I find out she was to put a hit on me. I'd slowly poison.

[Andrew Santino]

So I saw one where a girl gets cut. Now she's at the cops, and they. They confront her. They go, we know we have it all on tape, right? And the husband's there. Oh, right. And then the cop opens the door, the husband's there, and she goes, tommy, come here. Just come here. Let's talk.

[Bobby Lee]

Fuck you.

[Andrew Santino]

Come here. Tommy. No, seriously, what the is going on, Tommy? Tom's, like, off, right? Yeah, but it's like, what do you think is gonna happen, lady?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but she probably was trying to manipulate him. That's by the way. She's probably. She's probably good. Master manipulator. She's probably a sociopath. And she probably thinks there's. I didn't do anything wrong.

[Andrew Santino]

She wasn't even hot.

[Bobby Lee]

If you're gonna kill me, you better be hot.

[Andrew Santino]

You better be hot. You better be so Margot Robbie.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you better. Margo.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Kill me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, Sydney Sweeney. Murder me.

[Andrew Santino]

Murder me. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Slit my throat in cold blood.

[Andrew Santino]

But it's like the, the gall to cut.

[Bobby Lee]

To have you put a hit is crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

It's crazy. Dude.

[Bobby Lee]

If you were gonna put a hit on somebody, how would you go find someone to do that, though? You can't Google it.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no way to do it. I, I, I. Late, Late at night, I do think about stuff because, you know, late at night you have revenge fantasies.

[Bobby Lee]

You do, for sure.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't have revenge fantasies?

[Bobby Lee]

Not really. I don't. I don't care. What am I?

[Andrew Santino]

Me either.

[Bobby Lee]

Then you love it. I know you do.

[Andrew Santino]

So I lay in my bed and that. Always putting on a hit in my scenarios, in my head, because I go, how would I do it?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you go get a homeless guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Even then it's like, no, because they're gonna catch you on tape even approaching the homeless guy. What's Bobby Lee, you know, giving a homeless guy?

[Bobby Lee]

Four.

[Andrew Santino]

Four grand.

[Bobby Lee]

I wasn't giving him that much money, Okay. I hid the money. He had to go get it.

[Andrew Santino]

So I met skid row.

[Bobby Lee]

I got it all planned out.

[Andrew Santino]

You do? I'm hanging out skid row.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I go, that guy might go, hey, sir, can you come here? And he's like, ah, I'm a fake. And then you're like, okay, that's not the guy the coco could do.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's my guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. And then. So where would I go? And then I would probably go to, like, Guam.

[Bobby Lee]

The guy that works.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. He looks like he knows somebody.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he does. Hang on.

[Andrew Santino]

Go ahead. You know anybody? I'm just hypothetical.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Dude. What the. Get the fuck away from me.

[Bobby Lee]

That means he does.

[Andrew Santino]

He's like, Right. So then I think I would call the shadiest guy now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But after that, I'd be like, I don't know what to do.

[Bobby Lee]

I'd get a homeless guy. Because then it's a phone. You know, if you get a whole crazy homeless guy and you. And you. You hide the money you give. You give him, like, two couple of tasks. One, he's got to go kill someone. Two, I've hid the money all over the place as a scavenger hunt for him to get the money. Then it gives him an adventure, you know?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, the money part, because these clubs now pay you cash.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. So I just do a bunch of improv spots.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? Get the cash.

[Andrew Santino]

That's how I get the cash.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. There you go.

[Andrew Santino]

So they have cash in my pocket, untraceable. I'll save about ten grand worth of.

[Bobby Lee]

You think someone's gonna kill someone for ten grand?

[Andrew Santino]

Down payment. You always say, put a down payment down until the task done.

[Bobby Lee]

What does it cost to kill someone?

[Andrew Santino]

You go 10 grand at first.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, 20 grand.

[Bobby Lee]

20 grand to kill someone?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No chance. There's. It's got to be way more than that. Someone's not gonna kill someone for ten grand. You can hire a hitman on the dark Web.

[Carlos]

Well, or you could get A ghost gun. That's what's gonna tell Bobby to do is he should kill her himself.

[Bobby Lee]

What's A ghost gun?

[Carlos]

3D printed gun.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, and you can destroy it when you're done.

[Andrew Santino]

It's what.

[Carlos]

Luigi used it.

[Bobby Lee]

Did he really?

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Carlos]

So weird looking.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, he printed his own gun.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's cool.

[Bobby Lee]

That's kind of weird. He printed his own gun but didn't cover up any other parts of his tracks. Like, he literally was like. Huh.

[Carlos]

He didn't have gloves on. He didn't check the. See if he was dead. It was.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So it's like he left all the other evidence. He like went out of his way to get a 3D gun, but he.

[Andrew Santino]

Also got a silencer. And apparently that was the wrong move.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Carlos]

Because.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you don't. Oh, you don't know. You don't know. Okay. So what professional would say, right, is you make it loud because. So that people can hear it and they don't run toward gun violence. They run away from it and they duck and they hide. Ah, right. So if he would. What?

[Carlos]

That's good.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So you use a regular. Right. That way. Right. There's no one around. Right. But he and. And the cop that I heard on the news.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. News, news.

[Andrew Santino]

They said. They said that he played too many video games. The kids today, they play so many video. They think that's how you do it. They put a silencer and all that stuff.

[George]

Like you're playing just subsonic bullets right in the ear. You're good to go.

[Andrew Santino]

See, the way you said that was creepy.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. He's planned it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. You've had revenge. Revenge fantasy.

[Bobby Lee]

He's had revenge fantasy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Subsonic. What? In the ear.

[George]

Subsonic bullets, they don't pass. They don't go over the speed of sound. So then they don't make that big old pop.

[Carlos]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Andrew Santino]

That's awesome.

[Bobby Lee]

That's real thing.

[Andrew Santino]

That's good to know. That's good to know. Subsonic bullets. So when you bang it, right? It doesn't have a bang.

[George]

Well, it has a bang, but it's a lot more quiet.

[Bobby Lee]

How do you know this, George?

[Andrew Santino]

How do you know this?

[George]

Dude, you know when a raccoon was getting our.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Using a subsonic bullet for a raccoonic.

[George]

Bullet to get the raccoon. Because it was eating our. Eating our chickens. And that's kind of highly illegal.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[George]

And the LA city limits to shoot.

[Bobby Lee]

A gun at a At a raccoon. Yeah, it's 100 illegal, but it was.

[George]

So quiet, nobody saw it.

[Andrew Santino]

Heard. Wow. How do you write things on the bullet?

[Carlos]

The pen.

[Bobby Lee]

Very small pen.

[Andrew Santino]

He didn't engrave it.

[Bobby Lee]

What did it say on the shell?

[Carlos]

Deny, depose, and delay.

[Andrew Santino]

And people are getting tattoos of. It's funny.

[Bobby Lee]

Denied. Deposed. Delay.

[Andrew Santino]

They're getting the tattoos of that on the back.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, that's so dark. Who would you run up to and kiss on the face? What? Famous. What? What?

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

What CEO would you run up to and kiss on the face?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's it.

[Carlos]

Governor of Texas.

[Bobby Lee]

You go kiss him on the face.

[Andrew Santino]

You kiss. Yeah, he's kissable. He's so kissed.

[Bobby Lee]

Some of these guys are so kissable, man.

[Carlos]

Wheelchair.

[Andrew Santino]

I would kiss him 15 times in the head. Wouldn't you? Yeah. Back of the back of the head. 15 times. Right. And then one in the dick.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that one's the sweetest.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Deny, depose, delay.

[Andrew Santino]

A couple of comics I want to kiss.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, there's always a couple.

[Andrew Santino]

There's so many comics I want to kiss.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you want to kiss?

[Carlos]

Annie.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want to name any. No, I don't want to kiss her.

[Carlos]

I do.

[Andrew Santino]

You really do?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

I would kiss her.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

In the vagina.

[Andrew Santino]

What she. What she did to me the other night was.

[Bobby Lee]

What did she do?

[Andrew Santino]

Was she started a war with me. Oh, of course. You don't know what she did.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

So.

[Carlos]

Stole your Ozempic.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you told me. I told you I was pretty flagrant.

[Andrew Santino]

It's flagrant, Right. So I'm going to tell you what she did. All right, so we're in the main room, was packed. I'm bringing Annie up, right? And I have a good set. So I say good night. I give her a great intro.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And also I'm on a date.

[Bobby Lee]

So you have a female friend.

[Andrew Santino]

So I have a friend in the audience, you know, that's watching the show. She had never seen me perform. Perform before.

[Bobby Lee]

And. And you killed.

[Andrew Santino]

I did good, right? So that I bring Annie, and as I'm walking toward the back of the thing and he's coming out through those curtains, and she has water. She does a pratfall and throws it on my body. Now I'm drenched wet. And here's. Here's on purpose. On purpose.

[Bobby Lee]

She says, it wasn't on purpose.

[Andrew Santino]

It was on purpose. I found. I later found out it was on purpose. And here's the. What's the Biggest sin there.

[Bobby Lee]

Throwing water on you.

[Andrew Santino]

No hacky joke. No laugh.

[Bobby Lee]

Nobody laugh. So the room was quiet.

[Andrew Santino]

The room was quiet. And they're like, oh, whoa. You know what I mean? So now I'm drenched. It's silence in the room.

[Bobby Lee]

What did you say?

[Andrew Santino]

My date is blushing. Right, Right. And I go, what the. She's like, oh, I'm so sorry. Because, you see, I saw how upset it was. And then as I went backstage, I went, what? You know, I went crazy, dude, while she was on stage. But what do you think of that? Is that war?

[Bobby Lee]

It seems like if. That's. That's.

[Andrew Santino]

That seems like a war to me.

[Bobby Lee]

It's an attack. Yeah, that's an attack. But by the way, to be fair, you still got laid, but it didn't ruin your night. But it is a little. That's a little war. That's a little baby. She's throwing up a flare.

[Andrew Santino]

She does things like that. She'll also do stuff like kick you in the stomach. Like she does weird.

[Bobby Lee]

She kicks you in the stomach.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, she'll, like, do some kind of cr. It's always like, some karate thing. And then she'll like you, you know? I mean, you're like, what the Are you doing, dude? Annie, what are you doing?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, what is she trying to start a war for you for? What is that?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

I thought you guys were always all right.

[Andrew Santino]

But she's. She also told me. She said, well, that usually works with you. No, my prat Fall with the water. It didn't work that time. Yeah, because I killed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you did, too. Good. Well, no one. Also. Nobody wants to be wet.

[Andrew Santino]

It was so. Yeah, you're drenched.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to be wet for the. Now I'm.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, no. What would you have done if she'd had that? She would never do that to you. But if she did.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe would. But if.

[Andrew Santino]

If she.

[Bobby Lee]

I would go grab a water or drink off someone's table and throw it right on her in front of everybody. That would get the laugh. If she threw it to me, then I would. I would be like, what the are you doing? Laugh it off a little bit.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think. I think it would be uncomfortable in the room.

[Bobby Lee]

I'd grab it. I'd grab a drink off somebody's thing and throw it on her.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And then.

[Bobby Lee]

And then I'd start a food fight.

[Andrew Santino]

And I forgot who it was. But after Annie, the comic after was mad.

[Bobby Lee]

Why do you think there's water all over the stage?

[Andrew Santino]

So they had to pause and some doorman had to go up there and wash clean the stage so bad. So you have now this lull.

[Bobby Lee]

So. Jesus. Trejo's got to go up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was terrible.

[Bobby Lee]

Gonna wait for someone to clean up the water in front of them.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So what's your.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you gonna respond to this war now? Are you starting a little war back? Yeah, seems like you might.

[Andrew Santino]

You know me.

[Bobby Lee]

Seems like you might.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a couple of things he's done over the years that have been like, oh, man, that's. That's a war, but I'm gonna back off.

[Bobby Lee]

But the water on you.

[Andrew Santino]

But the water was almost like the last thing, maybe. Yeah. But I don't know. What do you think? What would you have done, Carlos?

[Carlos]

Oh, I would have lost my temper.

[Bobby Lee]

It's.

[Carlos]

It would have been. I've lost my temper at Annie a lot.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you guys have beef or something?

[Carlos]

No, we just always played around like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Like, I walked off her show once. Like.

[Bobby Lee]

Did she apologize for the water?

[Andrew Santino]

No, she was just. It was an accident. I slipped. So that was her way of not. You don't believe it, but later she's like. She said. She didn't say. She still maintains it was slip, but then she told me I've done it before, like, throwing water. Right. So in my mind, I'm like, that's not a slip. Yeah, that's not a fucking slip. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Let's see how that plays out.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Anyway, what's any New Year's resolution for you?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I've got resolutions.

[Andrew Santino]

Go ahead.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm leaving the state of California as a permanent resident. I. I can't do it anymore.

[Carlos]

Is that true?

[Bobby Lee]

I paid too much in taxes. I got to get out of here. I'm done. I can't support this place. I gotta go.

[Andrew Santino]

So we're.

[Bobby Lee]

We're moving the show.

[Andrew Santino]

Where are you going?

[Bobby Lee]

We are officially.

[Andrew Santino]

Where are we going?

[Bobby Lee]

We are moving.

[Andrew Santino]

Where are we going?

[Bobby Lee]

To Nevada. Pahrump, Nevada.

[George]

Oh, love that place.

[Andrew Santino]

We'll go.

[Bobby Lee]

We're moving to Pahrump.

[Andrew Santino]

We'll go.

[Bobby Lee]

Gotta go, dude. Yeah, we gotta set up a studio in Pahrump. So we're gonna be setting up the studio in Pahrump, Nevada. We gotta move there. State. State income tax. We'll save on that. We'll still pay our fed, but no more California.

[Andrew Santino]

You think we would thrive in Nevada? Yeah, like by Vegas.

[Bobby Lee]

100%.

[Andrew Santino]

You think so?

[Bobby Lee]

What the fuck? We would do great. Let's we could move to Vegas and have the most fun. Do shows all the time.

[Andrew Santino]

Not prom. He was kidding. But we're not kidding. No, man.

[Bobby Lee]

We'll move to Vegas where we'll open up a club called the Brothership. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The brothers.

[Andrew Santino]

Only for black people have to be.

[Bobby Lee]

Black to get in. Welcome to the Brothership, y'all.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

And we only play George Clinton in the hallway.

[Andrew Santino]

I think if we did move to Vegas.

[Bobby Lee]

If we did move to Vegas. What?

[Andrew Santino]

I would open, like a 150 seat comedy club.

[Bobby Lee]

See, I think 100 seater would be great.

[Andrew Santino]

That'd be great.

[Bobby Lee]

Just 100 seats.

[Andrew Santino]

A little. 100 seat little places.

[Bobby Lee]

We should do that. Should we do a bad friends club in Vegas? The problem is there's too many clubs in Vegas. There's. There's Jimmy Kimmel's room. There's. The seller has a room. There's.

[Andrew Santino]

But they're not showcase clubs. They're headliner clubs.

[Bobby Lee]

They're headliner. No, no. The seller is a split showcase. It's a split headliner.

[Andrew Santino]

They book it in way in advance. What I'm saying is that I want to do, like, for locals. For locals. And anyone that's in town that wants to work out that showcase place.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, maybe we should do that. There's a Laugh Factory, a comedy seller, the la. It's called LA Comedy Club. There's Las Vegas Live, Brad Garrett's room, Jimmy Kimmel's Wise Guys. God, there's so many.

[Andrew Santino]

There's so many.

[Bobby Lee]

Carrot Top has a club out there.

[Andrew Santino]

But you can't just call it.

[George]

Have a club.

[Carlos]

No, he's got the room with the Luxor.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. But.

[Andrew Santino]

But could you. I mean. I mean, if we. I've never been to Vegas. We're like, I'm gonna call in this way. I don't know where to go. Do you see?

[Bobby Lee]

That'd be fun. To make a. But is there enough local comics in Vegas?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, no, that's.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, you could create a system.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but there's also a lot of. I know probably 40 comics that just live there.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay?

[Andrew Santino]

So you can go, hey, guys, there's no showcase club, so just call in if you're in town. Just work out.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, well, we'll start the Brothership down there in Las Vegas.

[Andrew Santino]

And we'll have a happy New Year, everybody.

[Bobby Lee]

And our premiere show. Our premiere show there will be me.

[Andrew Santino]

Me, you, Nate Bargazi, Bert Price. We'll call in all our favors.

[Bobby Lee]

We'll have to have a weekly show there hosted by someone. It'll be called Murder, Anthony.

[Andrew Santino]

That's good. Anyway. Very good. Very good. Good night. Thank you for being. Let's just end on that note. Thank you for being a bad.