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Bobby Lee
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Andrew Santino
White dude. I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two or something. We're bad friends.
Bobby Lee
It's a new year, by the way.
Andrew Santino
It is a new year, and it's a year.
Bobby Lee
Any resolutions that you got coming up?
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God. You have no idea what you're saying right now. Dude, you're annoyed. I have resolution. I am. Can we say Resolution City?
Bobby Lee
You're in Resolution City.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's where I'm in. Resolution City right now.
Bobby Lee
Let's break it down.
Andrew Santino
So I'm going to work on some other addictions.
Bobby Lee
What are they? You know?
Andrew Santino
Are you my therapist or a cop?
Bobby Lee
Both.
Andrew Santino
Okay, so, Officer, I have. I do some strange things that. This is not funny. It's just real.
Bobby Lee
Not real is good.
Andrew Santino
So there's this Netflix. You know how sometimes you go to Netflix and there's mobile games you can download?
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Okay. I'm the. You're thinking, who's this for me? You know, I mean, I download all of them, right? But there's this one game that I play, and there's, like, 10,000 levels, but I only play one level a thousand times.
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
Eight hours at a time, just sitting there on my kitchen counter. And the levels, like, two minutes, and it's the same basic level. It's like a. It feels like a Candy crusher game. It's one of those, like, puzzly games where, you know, I mean, you line things up.
Carlos
Wait, I saw you play this.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it's. I only play one level, and I was telling my therapist the other day, and she goes, stop.
Bobby Lee
Why?
Andrew Santino
Because it's. I'm running away. I'm not. You know, I mean, I'm being obsessive about something, and I do it because I don't want to feel. You know, I mean, it's like there's. I do a lot of things where it's like, I don't want to feel. So I just. I'll watch the same YouTube video over and over again. And it becomes. It's not. It's not healthy.
Bobby Lee
I'll tell you. I had to. I. I got a good feel. I got a good cry this morning, big time. Whenever I want a real good cry.
Andrew Santino
What do you see?
Bobby Lee
I watched that Ian Wright video with. With.
Andrew Santino
With the teacher.
Bobby Lee
With Mr. Pigdon.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I thought you said.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. What a great video.
Bobby Lee
I'm very much alive, Ian.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And he goes, someone told me you respected.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's a great.
Bobby Lee
I cry every time.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I watch if I need a good cry. Watch Ian Wright reunited with his. His primary school teacher, Mr. Picken.
Andrew Santino
And why do you. Why do I love that? You not love that?
Bobby Lee
Well, he's the. He's the most prolific goal scorer in Arsenal's history.
Andrew Santino
Thank you.
Bobby Lee
And he said in the. You know what he said in it, that was so powerful. That really moved me in a way. Two things. He goes. He was crying. And Ian said. Mr. Pigdon said it meant more to him that Ian Wright played for the country of England than when he flew over Buckingham Palace. That was more important to him, that someone he coached.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
Played for England.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
And then he said, he turned to hug him and he was like, two steps down there in the stadium. They're up on the stairs, and when he hugged him, he was below Mr. Pigdon, you know, like, he was. He was hugging his waist almost, because I saw that.
Andrew Santino
So. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And he goes. And I felt like I was seven years old again. I was a young child being embraced by someone. A father figure, dude. I was. I. It gets me.
Andrew Santino
Wow. Every time. Every time. But when whites.
Bobby Lee
Oh, what about the white? What about the whites?
Andrew Santino
What about the whites? There's so many good things to say about the whites.
Bobby Lee
Not lately, dude.
Andrew Santino
I know. Lately. As of not. No, I mean. But you know, what I'm saying is, over the history.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You guys get a bad rap.
Bobby Lee
We do get a bad.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. And what I want to say is, you know, I mean, they've. You guys done extraordinary, humanitarian, you know, I mean, deeds.
Bobby Lee
Some of us.
Andrew Santino
Some of you. Schindler. We've talked about that before.
Bobby Lee
What a list.
Andrew Santino
That's it. Schindler and ian Wright's coach, Mr. Pigman. Yeah. You pick Mr. Pigman. Yeah, yeah. No, but what I'm saying is, is when. When it's. It's human. All humans have someone. I'm sure there's a Korean out there like that.
Bobby Lee
Gotta be somewhere.
Andrew Santino
What do you think?
Bobby Lee
I don't know where they are like.
Andrew Santino
A One good Korean that, like, helped out.
Bobby Lee
That's a great movie. One good Korean.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Speaking of which, did you see the guy that snuck into North Korea, took video of the traffic cop with his phone. They're gonna get this guy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
This is what I think about these guys. You're off your head. They're gonna get you, dude. They're gonna come find you and kill you.
Andrew Santino
Did he go back to South Korea then? They can't find him?
Bobby Lee
No, no, he left North Korea and went somewhere else. Look at. I don't know where it is. It was on Tick Tock this.
Andrew Santino
How do we take him out?
Bobby Lee
How do we take him out?
Andrew Santino
Kim Jong Il. Un.
Bobby Lee
Do you want to take him out?
Andrew Santino
I do.
Bobby Lee
See, here's my thing.
Andrew Santino
Because that there's millions of people that live there and they're in poverty and it's like they still believe that we're getting ready for the war with the US we don't think about you ever.
Bobby Lee
You say that until they start some. What if they start some?
Carlos
They can't.
Andrew Santino
Like how?
Bobby Lee
Says who?
Carlos
But with like, Russia, they could. In China. But them alone, they're like.
Bobby Lee
What did you just say? With Russia and China, they could.
Carlos
Oh, yeah, but I.
Bobby Lee
So what are you talking about? Of course they can.
Carlos
Just them. It'd be like, no one.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. But Russia and China gave.
Bobby Lee
No one acts alone other than Germany. And look how that turned out. So now the axis of evil could reunite and start another war. And why wouldn't they? Honestly, why wouldn't they? The time is now.
Carlos
Be awesome.
Bobby Lee
They're ready. I'm ready to go, dude. Let's go blow this whole thing up.
Andrew Santino
Let me ask you something.
Bobby Lee
I want post apocalyptic.
Andrew Santino
If there's a World War Three.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And you and I were called in, there's a draft and we go, we need everybody.
Bobby Lee
Everybody.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Even Carlos.
Andrew Santino
Even Carlos.
Bobby Lee
And McCone.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. But he is at whole duty.
Bobby Lee
Those guys are inside. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
No, I mean, no, he's. Glory hold.
Bobby Lee
Glory hold. Just sucking off the soldiers before they.
Andrew Santino
No, no, no, no. I'm just saying that you find like, if we're in, like, you know.
Carlos
Oh, I see.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know we're fighting in Hong Kong, right?
Carlos
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And then the. The sergeant goes find the glory holes. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
He knows where they are.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. That's like work. But we don't put dicks in. We put bombs in there. Oh, explosive.
Bobby Lee
I was gonna say, like Notre Dame football. They slap a sign that says play like a champion as they go out Onto the field, they all smack it. It's funny if every soldier, before they go to war, they just get to stick their. In Carlos's mouth. He's just standing next to. He's like, go ahead.
Andrew Santino
Anyway, if you. Would you. Would you be in the same platoon as me?
Bobby Lee
I don't think they would put us in the same platoon.
Andrew Santino
Well, you think there's an Asian. No. What are you talking about?
Bobby Lee
Oh, just. No.
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Strength and skill. Strength and skill. Strength.
Andrew Santino
No. Dude, are you pissed me off today?
Bobby Lee
Dude, am I. I'm just.
Andrew Santino
No, I. I really. Call my agents.
Bobby Lee
No, dude, you'd never get in this. We never get in the same category. That's crazy.
Andrew Santino
No, platoons are. They're like. This is the. No, they have a mix. Have you seen. No, shut the up. Have you ever seen Saving Private Ryan? There's a mixture of different people. You know what I mean of it? There's the one guy that's scared, like, you know. You know, like the fucking. In Saving Private Ryan, the guy that plays the interpreter even though I don't know Chinese.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you'd be the.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but I'm just saying, there's got to be something that I can do. I'm the Dennis Hopper character, like the eccentric, you know? I mean.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Hey, man, you know, I mean, war is globalization, whatever. I don't know. Yeah. I say things, you know, I don't know. What do you think?
Bobby Lee
I know you'd be. You'd be one of the. One of the crazy boys in the bunch.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but would you not push for that?
Bobby Lee
I wouldn't want.
Andrew Santino
There's no way that I could.
Bobby Lee
I wouldn't want you in my platoon.
Andrew Santino
But then the whole time I'm at war, I'm like, you know, what's Andrew doing? I have to write you letters.
Bobby Lee
I'd be missing you. That'd be so much fun. I'd see you from afar also. If we're in the same platoon, think about that. Then I'm going to see. We're going to see each other die. I'd rather sit in a tent at night hoping that you're well, Writing you letters like a long lost love affair on the other side of the battle. And I want to find out that you die from someone that goes solder.
Andrew Santino
No, no, no.
Bobby Lee
The Dumpling was killed at 4:35.
Andrew Santino
I would have called me the Dumpling.
Bobby Lee
Yes, they would.
Andrew Santino
They wouldn't come. No.
Bobby Lee
They all get nicknames in the army. That's what you get.
Andrew Santino
Everyone called me Dumpling. I would Pull them to cycle. Can you change that?
Bobby Lee
And they'd be like, you got it. You got a chopsticks?
Andrew Santino
I want to be chopsticks. Yeah. Okay. So. So. You're funny, dude.
Bobby Lee
The Chinese Cho died at 4:44am sir.
Andrew Santino
Let me say something.
Bobby Lee
He was Korean, right?
Andrew Santino
What does it. When. When a soldier's at war and they get shot, they know that. They know they're gonna die.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
What is the one person they call out for?
Bobby Lee
God?
Andrew Santino
No, no. Their mommy. Remember Giovanna Ribisi? Oh, my God. Heartbreaking.
Bobby Lee
Can you imagine? You call your mom. She's on an iPad. She's like, leave me alone.
Andrew Santino
Well, what I'm saying is I would call out for you, Andrew.
Bobby Lee
You go, mom, Andrew. And I'd come running.
Andrew Santino
Morphine. Morphine. Bob, Bob, that's what I want you there, all right?
Bobby Lee
I'll be there with you. I. You know what? You know what?
Andrew Santino
You. I'm not. I don't want to be in a position.
Bobby Lee
Yes. I just.
Andrew Santino
Carlos, you want to be the same platoon?
Carlos
Hell yeah.
Bobby Lee
No way is he going to get in there, dude. He's never going to pass any of the tests.
Carlos
Oh, yeah, no.
Andrew Santino
We're in a situation.
Bobby Lee
They're never easy, dude. They're going to take his blood and be like this kid.
Andrew Santino
It's a long war. It's where. When they went 18 to 35, right? Now they're at a, you know, okay, I'm going to give you a Lord of the Rings, a Lord of the Rings reference, right? In the two towers, right. They gave old men and kids swords to fight, Right. We're in dire straits. So we're in a position where we're all being called in. Okay.
Bobby Lee
If they ran out of 18 to 35 are done now they need 40 and ups.
Andrew Santino
Yes.
Bobby Lee
That's what I'm getting, 40 and up.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. So at that point, right. I would write a letter to Congress and go, can I be in the same platoon as Georgia out. You want to be in it?
George
Nah, I'm fine fighting you.
Bobby Lee
You know, he's. He's fleeing the country.
Andrew Santino
Oh, he's a candidate. One of the. No, he's one of those. Canada.
Bobby Lee
Canadian.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Or Mexico. You know, you could see him.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And he's like, you know, wearing tie dye. Right? You know what I mean? Just with a bandana, you know, I mean, like this and it's like, shut the up, you coward.
Bobby Lee
Coward. Dude, you.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
So you call crystals and.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God. You imagine this guy. Dude, in the 60s. Dude, you're one of those guys?
Bobby Lee
Patchouli boy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. Patchouli boys.
George
No, my dad pulled the Adventist card to get out of Vietnam.
Bobby Lee
Your dad did?
George
Yeah, he said religious reasons can't fight. So then he was. He went and just got medical tested on for war.
Bobby Lee
What was the white coats? What was the religion?
George
Seventh Day Adventist.
Bobby Lee
Adventist.
George
Adventist.
Bobby Lee
Adventist and Adventist. Do you know these?
Andrew Santino
No. Let me ask you something. That thing that trump like is there flat foot?
Bobby Lee
Oh, Protestant, Christian domination. Flat feet. Yeah, well, for that. But that's, that's back in the day. That was like back.
Andrew Santino
So you know what?
Bobby Lee
I would to get out, just give you Dr. Sch.
Andrew Santino
I wouldn't get flat feet.
Bobby Lee
Huh?
Andrew Santino
I. I would claim flat face.
Bobby Lee
Frat face.
Andrew Santino
Dude. I would claim flat face. Could I get out, you think? Dude, I got flat face. Guys.
Bobby Lee
My friend has flat face.
Andrew Santino
All right.
Bobby Lee
He's just not aerodynamic.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I'm not aerodynamic.
Bobby Lee
The wind is just going to bounce right off in the sky.
Andrew Santino
Give me. Although I could like camouflage myself on.
Bobby Lee
A wall.
Andrew Santino
Like a Rambo. Yeah, dude, imagine me just blend it bricks on me, right. And I could just stay there. I would stay there for two weeks like this. I wouldn't even, you know, with a knife. I wouldn't even do that. I would just stay there.
Bobby Lee
Just stay steady.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. How would you camouflage.
Bobby Lee
Impossible.
Andrew Santino
In fire?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. I'd have to be a fireball.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
That is amazing.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Rambo and all mud.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Remember that? Yeah, that's what I would do. But I would do it with actual brick wall and they would not see me.
Bobby Lee
How could they?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
I saw some of the. Something was showing out all like the tricks of the tunnels in Vietnam that the Vietnamese would dig. And they were super intricate, dude. And how they would try to trick them to get them in or out. But what they would do is they'd try to like flood them out. A choo choo choo chee channel tunnel.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
But look at the tunnel system that they had. And they would flood them out with water and bombs and all sorts of. But then the Vietnamese had counteractive for the weapons that the Americans would use. So the things that they would have, they would like, it was a rope or a pole. They would pull on the pole and it would get caught in a machine. So then it would pull the soldier in with it while they were down there.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And they would have rotating spikes and. Or they would. Could they'd. They have to crawl in backwards or like upside down because it was head first. And they would drown Them upside down and backwards.
Andrew Santino
Imagine I'd be so close as claustrophobic.
Bobby Lee
Oh, forget it. I had an MRI yesterday. I was claustrophobic. I was freaking out in the. I hate the machine.
Andrew Santino
And.
Bobby Lee
And all you hear is, like, what, 1, 1, 1, 1, one, one.
Andrew Santino
And Ho Chi Minh is the best trail maker. Top trail, don't you think?
Bobby Lee
Look at that girl. I'm on vacation. She's in vacation.
Andrew Santino
You know what? It actually looks pretty solid, though.
Bobby Lee
I mean. Yeah. Structurally. It is.
Andrew Santino
Structurally, yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Then I would just be worried about fire or. You know what I mean, Something trapping you down there. Look at that thing.
Andrew Santino
That's narrow. That's so crazy.
Bobby Lee
They created an entire network. They could, like, hang out.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, they had.
Bobby Lee
They could sleep for days and days in those things and just hide out.
Andrew Santino
We've never had, like, a. Like, have. Aside from, like, the British back in the day, you know. I mean. Yeah, We've never had, like, a country attack us, you know? I mean, I Wonder what, like, 9, 11.
Bobby Lee
What do you mean? We had the 9.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but not even in a traditional, like, war where. Where there's, like, troops and. You know what I mean? And.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, on our soil.
Andrew Santino
On our soil. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
We haven't had war on us.
Andrew Santino
I think we would destroy people.
Carlos
No, Wouldn't even get to our soil.
Andrew Santino
I mean, even in LA, they're like, we've got Ms. 13, you know, we got people. Don't you think?
Bobby Lee
Use what we have.
Andrew Santino
Don't you think we would have.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Go get the Crips and stuff, blood. Hey, bro.
Andrew Santino
What the. Dude, you, pal. Whatever the.
Bobby Lee
You know, a Palestinian, bro.
Andrew Santino
Hey, Palestinian, bro. Yeah, yeah. Or whoever am I. What kind of Chinese are you, bro? You know what I mean, Dude, I'm Me. I'm from. Ralph. I'm from here.
Bobby Lee
Okay, good.
Andrew Santino
Move over, man.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but how. Who would they fight for? That's what's interesting.
Andrew Santino
Who.
Bobby Lee
Who would these gangs fight for?
Andrew Santino
Well, if you're fighting. If we were in a war with Mexico, but we don't get the MS.13.
Bobby Lee
We'Re never gonna be in a war with Mexico.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, we'll destroy.
Bobby Lee
No, I mean, I think we would never be in a war.
Andrew Santino
Exactly.
Bobby Lee
So those are our dogs.
Andrew Santino
But if you were in a war with Russia, I think that most the gangs in America would be on our side.
Bobby Lee
No, you say that, but, like, think about it. Some of those gangs have drug ties, and those drug ties, they don't want the federal government telling them what to do.
Andrew Santino
You're right.
Bobby Lee
You know what I mean?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, they'd get.
Bobby Lee
They'd get in bed with, like, the cartel and whatever government agencies they have power over.
Andrew Santino
What a weird. In la. Imagine if we were like Red dawn and we were attacked by it. Oh, my God, it'd be insane.
Bobby Lee
Where would they hit up first?
Andrew Santino
I'll be so scared. Would you be scared?
Bobby Lee
Can you imagine if they're like, we're gonna bomb LA and they bomb downtown and you're like, nobody's down there. They hit the wrong part of the city. Yeah, they're like. And then. Yeah, and then we're gonna bomb North Hollywood.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. No, no. Yeah, Bump skid row. You won't kill them. They're like zombies.
Bobby Lee
No, those are. They're undefeated.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
What does that say? Is that what Newsweek thinks they're gonna. That's where the centrifuge of war would be when.
Andrew Santino
A nuke. You're talking. This is a nuclear bomb. Oh, my God. Forget it would happen.
Carlos
But it wouldn't even hit Santa Monica.
Bobby Lee
Oh, west side, Safe. West side. Best side.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. But now we're where we live.
Bobby Lee
No, dude, we're just. Yeah, no, yeah, we're. That's.
Andrew Santino
We're in the fucking. Yeah, we're in the center of it. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
What are you gonna do?
Andrew Santino
No, no. Don't you think that. That because we're on the other side of the hill, you don't think the hill would protect us a little bit?
Bobby Lee
Some of it. I think the hill would. Would get some of, like the. The radiation, fog and smoke, but I think we'd still. We get a bad leg.
Carlos
I'm in the yellow.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you're in the.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you're done. You're done. Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
You're in Los Feliz or Silver Lake.
Carlos
Los Feliz. I think I become a shadow.
Bobby Lee
Yes.
Carlos
Which is awesome.
Bobby Lee
You'd be. Yeah. Shadow.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You do.
Bobby Lee
Carlo Shadow.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Carlos shadow. It's just interesting.
Bobby Lee
And his mouth is like this.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Wow. That. That would be. I mean, that was. That would be the way to, you know, I mean, destroy us.
Bobby Lee
But that's what it says. Nuclear bomb shows the impact of new gravity weapon of the biggest U S cities. Wow.
Andrew Santino
Wow, that's scary.
Bobby Lee
Let's hope that doesn't happen.
Andrew Santino
Let's hope it doesn't happen or. I'm on the road.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I want to be gone.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I've always imagined that, like, if I was on the road and all of a sudden LA is taken out, like.
Bobby Lee
Oh, well, no, I got two more sets tonight, so I gotta.
Andrew Santino
It Would be terrible.
Bobby Lee
I mean, imagine, dude, they wouldn't hit LA first though.
Andrew Santino
You would. No. Who would you worry about? You're on the road.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, well, my wife and my dog.
Andrew Santino
That's number one, this studio.
Bobby Lee
You guys okay? Yeah. You first.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Well, you'd be on the road too.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I'd be on the road. And then what would you do? Like, if I was. You're in Cleveland and I was like in Denver or whatever. Vice versa. Whatever.
Bobby Lee
Sure.
Andrew Santino
And then. And we wouldn't be mourning because, you know, I would lose so many people.
Bobby Lee
You would lose so many.
Andrew Santino
Right. And then our cell phone still worked. And then we. Well, you think in a day we would call each other or a couple of days.
Bobby Lee
I don't know. See, you know, and who knows if we could get a hold of anybody. You know how like they have like cell phones crash when all that stuff goes down, you know, like 9 11. No one could like, call anybody and the phones are down and all that.
Andrew Santino
I'm just saying, hypothetically, if like the satellites aren't down and we could call, would you. I think in the worth, within the first 12 hours, we would text each other.
Bobby Lee
100.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Right away.
Andrew Santino
Where are you?
Bobby Lee
Are you okay?
Andrew Santino
You good?
Bobby Lee
No, I would text you. Are you gon sell your house?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
You to keep your house.
Andrew Santino
And then what would we. What would you do? I mean, honestly, what would you do? Like, like, would the banks be working? Like, could we get money out?
Bobby Lee
No, no, we're done. Once it starts, it's over. Oh, that's what I'm saying, dude. Load up.
Andrew Santino
That's crazy.
Bobby Lee
Get golden guns at your house.
Andrew Santino
I would relapse immediately.
Bobby Lee
I'd be there with you.
Andrew Santino
We would meet. Yeah. I would like, try to get to wherever. Denver. Let's go in Denver.
Bobby Lee
Let's meet somewhere in the middle.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Let's do heroin in Missouri.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And then we'd just be heroin guys.
Bobby Lee
Fine, whatever. Who cares?
Andrew Santino
I know.
Bobby Lee
You know what I mean? If that's the end, that's the end.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I want to go out like a dude. I had to do my will today. This morning. I had to do like my.
Andrew Santino
I've done that will. Oh my God.
Bobby Lee
And it. When you have to decide, like, he literally was like step by step, he's like, if you're. If you are in a tragic accident and your brain is incapacitated, right? Like your brain. Your brain dead, essentially. How long do you want to be alive?
Andrew Santino
How long do you say, I had.
Bobby Lee
To do it today? How long do you think I said your brain. I'm brain dead. But there. But I'm, you know, in a. I'm in a vegetative state. But there's hope that I might come back or you never. You know what I mean? But they ask you how a month. Interesting. What do you guys think?
Carlos
Zero minutes.
Bobby Lee
Jeremy, what about you?
George
One week.
Bobby Lee
One week. George is actually right. You know, I did a week so family could come say goodbye to you.
Andrew Santino
But you said that there could be a possibility that you can be alive.
Bobby Lee
There is a possibility.
Andrew Santino
Why wouldn't you give them more than.
Bobby Lee
A week that Just one week. I said one week they can come say goodbye. Because I don't want to put the burden of me being in a vegetative state on other people.
Andrew Santino
I want to put the burden.
Bobby Lee
I know you do.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. I'm burden guy.
Bobby Lee
You're 10 years.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a 10 year guy.
Bobby Lee
You're 10 years.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Everyone. I want everyone to come.
Bobby Lee
I know what I said. One week for the family to come say goodbye. And then after that it says drug. Drug induced.
Andrew Santino
It's a lot of money though, that's wasted.
Bobby Lee
That's what I mean.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I don't want my family to have my money. So just put the money.
Bobby Lee
Well, that was the next question after all that stuff was like, who gets your funds and all this.
Andrew Santino
So what you do? Well, do I get any.
Bobby Lee
In the event.
Andrew Santino
In the event that I don't like that smile. Do I get any.
Bobby Lee
Well, first of all, my wife gets all of it. And then in the. Oh, yeah. In the event that she's not around.
Andrew Santino
She won't be. Trust me.
Bobby Lee
Okay. In the event that she's out, let's say both of us died tragically together.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
It gets. It goes to my parents and let's say if my parents aren't alive, then it goes to my sister. And if my sister's not alive, it goes to my dog. And if my dog. No, my dog's not okay.
Andrew Santino
If.
Bobby Lee
And if you haven't eaten my dog by this point. No, it's. No, no, no. It, it goes to then my sister and then after that it goes to three or four different charities, one of which being Children's Hospital.
Carlos
They don't need the money.
Bobby Lee
Yes, they do.
Andrew Santino
Okay. My bad.
Bobby Lee
Kids having cancer is the worst thing in the. There is literally no greater crime the universe commits than giving children cancer. You wouldn't need my money.
Andrew Santino
Interesting.
Bobby Lee
You would never give me any of your money when you're dead. That wouldn't you?
Andrew Santino
You're in my will. You don't get a lot, but you're in it.
Bobby Lee
Well, then I'll change it. Am I really?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
How much do I get?
Andrew Santino
Everyone's in it.
Bobby Lee
Well, tell me how much I get.
Andrew Santino
Like 20 grand.
Bobby Lee
You? 20 grand for all I've done for you?
Andrew Santino
You know what money? I have a hundred grand in the bank.
Bobby Lee
Well, then give me the hundred.
Andrew Santino
No. My mom, my brother, you, we have the same thing. But I give everyone something.
Bobby Lee
I think your mom gets all of it. And if she's not around, Steve gets all of it.
Andrew Santino
No, that's not what I. I have. Everyone gets something. Abby gets some. Everyone gets something. Abby gets my manager. Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Why?
Andrew Santino
Who do I care? I'm gonna be dead.
Bobby Lee
That's my point.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
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Bobby Lee
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Bobby Lee
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Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
Well, you know what? Therapy can be costly. I'll say that. And talk space is affordable and in network with most insurance providers and most insured members have a zero dollar copay. Bob and I are big into therapy at all sorts of levels, right?
Andrew Santino
Whether I go every Thursday. And I love things like talk space because I think it's vital in your life. You can easily sign up online and get paired with a licensed provider. That's the right fit for your needs, typically within 48 hours. You can also switch providers at no extra cost.
Bobby Lee
Well, the best part is you can. You can get yourself help from the comfort of your own home, which we think is a big Deal. Because these days, we're very busy. We're on the go. We're on the move. You might have kids, you might have something going on. And why not try Talkspace? Because Talkspace, the leading virtual therapy provider, makes getting the help you need easy, accessible, and affordable.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
Match with a licensed therapist. Today, go to talkspace.com bad Friends and enter promo code SPACE80 to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's talkspace.com bad friends promo code space80.
Andrew Santino
Rocket money. Rocket money is a personal finance ad that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.
Bobby Lee
I'm happy right now, you know.
Andrew Santino
You know why I get it?
Bobby Lee
Because I canceled a bunch of unwanted subscriptions.
Andrew Santino
Exactly.
Bobby Lee
Thanks to Rocket Money. Because I had a whole bunch of money going out there.
Andrew Santino
I probably spend, like, say, like thousands and dollars a year.
Bobby Lee
You?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Thousands of thousands. With Rocket Money, you can easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Get alerts if bills increase in price, there's unusual spending activity, or if you're close to going over budget.
Bobby Lee
That's right. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate to lower your bills for you. You don't got to do it. Okay. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them. Negotiate for me, please. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to. And Rocket Money has over 5 million users, has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year. When using all of the app's premium.
Andrew Santino
Features, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocket money.com bad friends today.
Bobby Lee
That's rocket money.com bad friends. Rocket money.com bad friends. That's my point, though. That's why I'm gonna give it to a charity. Because what do I. I care. No, give charity.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
We should give it away.
Andrew Santino
Well, can I have something of yours?
Bobby Lee
You actually do.
Andrew Santino
What?
Bobby Lee
I can't tell you.
Andrew Santino
I think you're lying.
Bobby Lee
Dude, now you do get something.
Andrew Santino
Now we get to this. The topic of death, and I'm.
Bobby Lee
It's not death. No, no, it's just a beautiful way of. You have to frame your life while you're here. And they tell you you're not young anymore. You gotta set up a thing in case you go away. So in case this World War iii happens in 2025 that we're in.
Andrew Santino
But when you see like a celebrity die at 53. Because I'm 53. Right. You go, because I feel so young still. And you just kind of go, oh, it can happen at any time.
Bobby Lee
Ricky Henderson died. The. The baseball player. I know this episode will be out significantly after.
Andrew Santino
But how old, how old was he?
Bobby Lee
Young, dude, I think he was 63. Which that me up. I think he died. He died of 65.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And he died of pneumonia. What. Which never had. Maybe he had pre existing conditions. Something else. So Bobby, this guy, the way you love. The way you love football player, soccer players. This guy was the man. Like, he was the. Well, I mean, he was. He didn't play for anything that I love. He was just back in. When I was a kid. He was. He was incredible. Ricky Anderson was a man.
Andrew Santino
So fast.
Bobby Lee
Like a supreme athlete.
Andrew Santino
Literally never heard of him.
Bobby Lee
Look at the size of his fucking legs.
Andrew Santino
Those are. Those are.
Bobby Lee
That's big. I'm not joking. That's bigger than your body. That's bigger than your stomach. I'm not kidding. But 65 is so young. That's what scares me.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it's pretty young.
Bobby Lee
I mean, that's so young. You're. You're 50.
Andrew Santino
How was. How old was Bob Saget?
Bobby Lee
Well, Bob was a tragic accident.
Andrew Santino
How old was he?
Bobby Lee
I think he was in his mid-50s or late-50s. 50s.
Andrew Santino
60S.
Bobby Lee
He was 6. He was 60.
Andrew Santino
65.
Bobby Lee
Whoa.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that, that, that me up.
Bobby Lee
Well, that was a horrible accident. That should have never happened.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, right.
Bobby Lee
So that he would have lived significantly longer. He wasn't sick or anything. That was just a bad accident.
Andrew Santino
What a good guy. Anyway, no more death. No more. Let's not talk about death anymore. Let's talk about life.
Bobby Lee
Let's talk about the birth of life. Let's talk about a birth of life. The ancient big head people. Scientists uncover a lost human in Asia with an abnormally large skull that lived alongside Homo sapiens. A hundred.
Andrew Santino
They're called Asians. What are you talking about?
Bobby Lee
Big head people. That's what they did.
Andrew Santino
That's just what they just call them Asians. Dude.
Bobby Lee
Is that what they just called them, Big head people?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. Look at how. Okay. How big is it? Okay. From that photo, I can't tell this.
Carlos
Is what they like a mock up of them.
Andrew Santino
He looks what the.
Bobby Lee
That looks like what's his name who works at the store?
George
Yeah, yeah, but is that why Koreans have such big heads? Because they intermingled a little bit?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that's right.
Carlos
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
There's a. I don't know what the people are called in. In Korea or in Japan, but there was a. There's a type of people that were. They didn't look Asian, but they're mixed with Asians and that's why Japanese people look the way they do.
Carlos
It's nicotine.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Carlos
I'm not vaping weed at work.
Andrew Santino
I don't know, dude.
Bobby Lee
We don't know anymore.
Andrew Santino
We don't know anymore. We don't and we know.
Bobby Lee
No, we know we know. How about that? How about we know we know, bro?
Carlos
I'm not smoking weed at work or like whenever you've seen me.
Andrew Santino
You're smoking weed outside of work, though.
Carlos
I'm not vaping weed or anything like that. I'm not.
Bobby Lee
Dude, what's the truth?
Carlos
The truth is that.
Bobby Lee
But did you take something last week?
Carlos
What do you mean?
Bobby Lee
What do you mean?
Carlos
Oh, at bad here at work? I. Dude, I never come to work high.
Andrew Santino
Okay, but you do it awful work.
Carlos
I have. Yes, a little bit, but I'm not like.
Andrew Santino
Cuz when I saw you in that alleyway. When I saw you in the alleyway.
Bobby Lee
You did look stoned.
Andrew Santino
You looked stoned.
Carlos
Dude, when.
Andrew Santino
When I caught you in the alleyway.
Carlos
Dude, that was a.
Andrew Santino
Were you not high?
Carlos
I was not high that night.
Andrew Santino
Nothing.
Carlos
I was embarrassed because I was with a girl.
Andrew Santino
No, dude, there's something going on.
Bobby Lee
What do you mean you were embarrassed? You were with a girl? That's.
Andrew Santino
No, there was a girl and a gu. Guy.
Bobby Lee
Oh, right.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And then they were doing some sort of tr. Like some sexual three way and I was.
Bobby Lee
Did you have a threesome?
Carlos
No, I didn't, but I was embarrassed. Bobby caught me like, striking out with a girl.
Bobby Lee
Oh, well, yeah, it's kind of funny.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but.
Carlos
But I didn't bring like, you've never seen me vape weed in Australia here. Ever. Never.
Bobby Lee
Did you. Did you hook up with the guy and not the girl?
Carlos
No, but he was like more in interested in like talking to me. It was weird.
Bobby Lee
What is with you?
Carlos
He DM me later.
Bobby Lee
Really?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Oh yeah.
Carlos
I watched this reality show this weekend and I only related to the gay men on it.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Anyway, what's going on?
Bobby Lee
What's it called?
Carlos
Mexican Dynasties.
Andrew Santino
I loved it.
Bobby Lee
Have I seen this. Have we seen this Mexican dynasties reality show.
Carlos
It's so good about rich people in Mexico City.
Bobby Lee
Oh.
Andrew Santino
Oh, wow.
Bobby Lee
We had. Now I have to watch that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Because rich Mexicans are my favorite.
Andrew Santino
They're my favorite. Yeah, yeah. Great restaurants in Mexico City, I hear. I mean, is that the people. What? Juman, right? What are they called?
Bobby Lee
Juman. Joman.
Andrew Santino
Joman people. So they. At one point, they look like a Spanish midfield soccer player. Okay. And then they mixed it with you. I mean, a regular age. Right, right. And then it. The Japanese occurred, but at one point they look like that.
Bobby Lee
See, it's interesting when people. It is funny when the more mixing there is as time has gone on.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Like. Like Tiger Woods. Look at his kids. He just plays. Playing in this thing with his son, obviously.
Andrew Santino
Let me see what Tiger woods looks like.
Bobby Lee
But he's got a daughter and a son, but it's like, you couldn't tell what that kid is. You'd have no idea what that kid.
Andrew Santino
Oh, the kid. Islander. They always look Hawaiian.
Bobby Lee
Pacific Islander.
Andrew Santino
At the end of the day, when you mix enough, they're Hawaiian.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you, Hawaiian?
Andrew Santino
You know who's cute? Jordan Peele and Chelsea Peretti's kid. There's no photo. I did see a photo. I mean, it was a. Through a text or something. He was like, really cute. Like, handsome almost.
Bobby Lee
That's a big thing. People now, celebrities, they put their kids up on the Internet, but they cover their face with like a smiley face or like an ice cream cone. It's weird. Why then. Then why even have the photo itself? Do you know what I mean? Like, why put up the pic if you don't want to have your family on there? Don't put them on there. But then why put them on there and then cover up their face? That seems so strange. It's like, just do it or don't do it.
Andrew Santino
Do you like. I miss Jordan. Do you ever miss people?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I mean, I don't know him. I don't miss him because. I don't know. Yeah, I miss.
Andrew Santino
I used to hang out with him every day for so long, and then I just kind of miss him.
Bobby Lee
Well, I stayed on the phone last night with Jay Larson for like an hour. Dude, because the story.
Andrew Santino
I love that guy so much.
Bobby Lee
He's the best dude and he's a great guy. So funny. And dude, we called each other because it was like the old days. The hallway was like, dude, I saw you.
Andrew Santino
That was good.
Bobby Lee
It just felt like.
Andrew Santino
It felt like the old Days. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
And so Jay called me, and he and I. Or I called Jay and we both said the same thing. I was like, dude, that felt like. It used to feel when. It was like. I don't know, when the store had people coming and going more and everyone was finally in town.
Andrew Santino
That was fun. Yeah, it was great. It's a fun. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
But I miss. There are some guys that I miss now.
Andrew Santino
I want to. Can you be completely honest with me? Because you did great last. I wasn't going to say anything.
Bobby Lee
Oh, boy.
Andrew Santino
But let's just get it out of the way. When I walked in the improv and I saw you in the dark.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I got the vibe of you going, get away from me. Was that true?
Bobby Lee
No, you know better.
Andrew Santino
No, no, I'm being real.
Bobby Lee
When. When have I ever done that?
Andrew Santino
You were sitting there on your phone. You look up at me, I look at you, and then you went back into your phone, and I just left the room. No, that's what happened.
Bobby Lee
No, I know, but I did. Because it was quiet in the room. But if. When I see you at the store, we always say, hi. What do you mean?
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
No, I'll tell you what it really was, is I was.
Andrew Santino
You're back.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I was in the middle of a little pain. Little pain moment. And I was sitting there in pain until the drugs kicked in.
Andrew Santino
That was a good, fun improv spot.
Bobby Lee
It was great.
Andrew Santino
I thought they were good.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, they were very good.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, they were very good. Except that girl who left in your set also. Left in my set.
Andrew Santino
I hate that.
Bobby Lee
What are you doing?
Andrew Santino
I mean, that I. In the middle of a setup, you don't go. You don't stand up in the front row, dude. And leave. I have to say something.
Bobby Lee
Where are you going?
Andrew Santino
Where the fuck are you going? Right.
Bobby Lee
Right now? Yeah, right now.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. There's. There's. There's an obvious piss break, which is when the host goes up.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And brings people on. That's your way out.
Bobby Lee
In between comics.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. Or. Or, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Sit it out in the middle of the set at that joke. Joke, joke. And then when there's a little break between jokes, then get up and get out as fast as you can. But not when you're, like, in the middle of a setup. It's like right when you're starting to tell a joke and someone's like. And they get. And you're like, I wouldn't do it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Because then everybody goes, what's that guy doing? Is he gonna.
Andrew Santino
Where's he headed to in the main room, Something happened where I told one joke that I knew that some people aren't gonna like. And then I looked to my left, and these two girls were so tuned out at me, I stopped the show. And I look at him and go, you guys are tuned out. And one girl did this, and this isn't even fun. I don't know what she was doing. She just goes like that.
Bobby Lee
She goes, oh, she showed your feet.
Andrew Santino
And put her feet in my face.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
With two feet coming up.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
I go, what the is that? And I just walked to the other side of the stage. I go, that's weird. I've never seen that before in my life. What the are you doing? It was almost. It was like, you.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, Double.
Andrew Santino
Double with my feet.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you.
Andrew Santino
I'm gonna ask you another thing is have you ever had this happen? You're at a club, Harmony Club.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
There's a woman there.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Very attractive.
Bobby Lee
Sure.
Andrew Santino
But there's crazy in their eyes. And so then you have to. And she was like. She. You know, and I can tell that when she gave me a hug, it was like her chest into me, and that she wouldn't let go. Oh, wow. Right?
Bobby Lee
She was gonna kill you.
Andrew Santino
Right? And I. And I. And she goes. She looks at me like, what are we doing? And I go, oh, no, I'm seeing somebody.
Bobby Lee
Oh, she was looking now.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Because, Carlos, have you ever met anybody that you're like, I think it's crazy, and I can't do it, or do you do it?
Bobby Lee
He goes for 60, 40.
Carlos
Like, when I was younger, I would do it more now. I try not to, but also fail. So I usually.
Andrew Santino
I think it's 100 fail for you.
Carlos
Yeah, I usually.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do 64. Don't do 64. I know.
Carlos
I try.
Andrew Santino
How about you?
Bobby Lee
When I see people back in the day. Crazy eyes.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, crazy eyes.
Bobby Lee
Immediately, I run for the hills.
Andrew Santino
She was hot, but crazy eyes.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, the hot ones do have crazy eyes.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Carlos
But if she's hot.
Andrew Santino
I know, but it's like, I. I understand that. I was. It was a. It was a dilemma.
Bobby Lee
You did the right thing.
Andrew Santino
I think so. Because you don't want crazy eyes in the morning.
Bobby Lee
She's like, I moved in.
Andrew Santino
I know. Yeah. That's what I mean.
Bobby Lee
That's my U haul.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I figured. That's okay.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. Well, when they say crazy things, like, I make fresh pasta from scratch.
Bobby Lee
Oh, no. See, I'm intrigued.
Andrew Santino
You are?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. No, no, Fresh pasta. I'm into a fresh pasta.
Andrew Santino
Your third line in.
Bobby Lee
I make.
Andrew Santino
I'm. I'm. You know, I mean, I'm Candace. Right.
Bobby Lee
Hey, Candace.
Andrew Santino
I live in la.
Bobby Lee
Oh.
Andrew Santino
I make fresh pasta.
Bobby Lee
You do?
Andrew Santino
From scratch. That's crazy.
Bobby Lee
I would love fresh pasta. Oh.
Andrew Santino
Third in. You're fine.
Bobby Lee
Fresh pasta. She didn't say, I, like, hand pluck goose feathers. She's not like, I kill geese in my backyard.
Andrew Santino
It's some arbitrary, like, information that, like, shouldn't be in the third thing.
Bobby Lee
As long as the arbitrary information is something cool, like, I make something neat. I do an artistic thing. That's cool.
Andrew Santino
But if she said okay, I'm gonna say something.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Hi.
Bobby Lee
Hi. How are you?
Andrew Santino
My name is Lisbon.
Bobby Lee
Hey, Lisbon.
Andrew Santino
I live in Burbank.
Bobby Lee
Oh, great. Yeah, I know Burbank. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And you know the end of lamp fixtures? I suck on those.
Bobby Lee
You do?
Andrew Santino
Crazy.
Bobby Lee
I love it. I have so many lamps. You like that? You like that?
Andrew Santino
So that's not nuts to you?
Bobby Lee
Not at all.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Hi. Hey.
Andrew Santino
Hi. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Hey, Bobby. I'm such a big fan.
Andrew Santino
What's your name?
Bobby Lee
Shandela. Shandela Chandela. Like Chandelier and Andrea Chandelier.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Hi. Chandelier.
Bobby Lee
That's. My mom was a chandelier salesperson.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
My dad's name was Andrea.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
My name is Chandela.
Andrew Santino
Yes.
Bobby Lee
I live on the west side.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
I live by Santa Monica.
Andrew Santino
It's.
Bobby Lee
It's.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I know what the west side. I know what the west side have.
Bobby Lee
A nuclear bomb. It won't get to us.
Andrew Santino
Google.
Bobby Lee
Do you know that?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I do.
Bobby Lee
I floss my teeth with my own hair. I just want to let you know. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
What do you say?
Andrew Santino
That's fine.
Bobby Lee
That wouldn't turn you off?
Andrew Santino
I don't think that would turn me off.
Bobby Lee
She takes her hair, flosses her teeth, puts it back.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Like when women do.
Bobby Lee
That wouldn't turn you off.
Andrew Santino
That turns you off.
Bobby Lee
If you use her hair to floss.
Andrew Santino
That turns you off. Me, too.
Bobby Lee
Then way more than.
Andrew Santino
Me, too.
Bobby Lee
Then more than sucking on a lamp Fucking thing.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. No, I think that's pretty normal.
Bobby Lee
If you floss with your hair and then put your hair back like it never happened. And this is every day.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. What about this? When a p. I had a girl, we were taking a shower together and she peed in the shower.
Bobby Lee
Love.
Andrew Santino
I love that.
Bobby Lee
Pee on me.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. But you know what? And I'm. And I'm fine with that.
Bobby Lee
Oh.
Andrew Santino
But when I poo in the Bathtub. It's Armageddon.
Bobby Lee
It is. It should be.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, whoa. You could do that, and I can't when I'm taking a bath.
Bobby Lee
Two different things.
Andrew Santino
They are.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, Completely.
Andrew Santino
Okay. I don't know.
Bobby Lee
You know that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. But.
Bobby Lee
Hi.
Andrew Santino
What? Hi.
Bobby Lee
I'm Cassette.
Andrew Santino
Like. Like a tape cassette.
Bobby Lee
I don't know what that is. I'm 25.
Andrew Santino
Oh, hey, cassette.
Bobby Lee
Hi. I'm such a big fan of Bad Friends.
Andrew Santino
Oh, thank you, Cassette.
Bobby Lee
I love you.
Andrew Santino
Anyway, I got another set to do.
Bobby Lee
I. I live in Venice. Do you want to come over to my house?
Andrew Santino
You look. What? What on what street? Lincoln.
Bobby Lee
Wayward.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I know Wayward. Yeah, very specific.
Bobby Lee
I collect dead pigeons. I embalm them, and my house is filled with them.
Andrew Santino
Your taxidermy? No. What do you call it?
Bobby Lee
I call it just pigeon girl. I'm pigeon girl.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah. I'm out.
Bobby Lee
Really?
Andrew Santino
I'm out.
Bobby Lee
I have huge tits.
Andrew Santino
Okay. What else?
Bobby Lee
And I love Korean men.
Andrew Santino
That's a win. Well, third thing. And then I'm in. Give me one good one.
Bobby Lee
I. Homemade. I make homemade pasta.
Andrew Santino
I'm out. I'm out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If she. Okay, I want to say if she looked like Margot Robbie. Hot, right?
Bobby Lee
So hot.
Andrew Santino
So hot. Right?
Bobby Lee
She's so beautiful.
Andrew Santino
And she had crazy eyes. Yeah, right? The floss would be fine. I think the pasta would be fine.
Bobby Lee
Pasta is obviously fine.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it's fine.
Bobby Lee
Dead pigeons all over the house of taxidermy. Pigeon.
Andrew Santino
I think dead pigeons would be fine.
Bobby Lee
Too, if it's Margot Robbie.
Andrew Santino
Margot Robbie. What about you? If you were not with your wife.
Bobby Lee
I would have to get in and get out. I'd be like, look, let's hang out once. But if you start with pigeons, where else does it go? With the pigeon lady?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, no, what if. I mean, dude, this is what happens. Because you know what Trisha Payta said.
Bobby Lee
You knock up a pigeon lady.
Andrew Santino
No, but you know how there are women in. At Hollywood clubs that seek celebrities to get impregnated by them? Oh, yeah, there's a lot of those.
Bobby Lee
I know. You got to be careful. You're out there hanging out, having fun, being single, and it's like, you never know, some girl could be Ms. Lee.
Andrew Santino
I know, but what I do is I do edging, and I edge, and I don't come. Do you do that?
Carlos
I have.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. But, you know, edging still leaks a little bit.
Andrew Santino
You.
Bobby Lee
Your pipes aren't closed anymore.
Andrew Santino
Why does it leak?
Bobby Lee
Because you're. We're getting Older, you're going to leak. Like after you go to the bathroom, after you take a piss. You piss your pants a little bit afterwards.
Andrew Santino
I do.
Bobby Lee
I know.
Andrew Santino
How do you know?
Bobby Lee
We all do.
Andrew Santino
Okay, good.
Bobby Lee
But as you get older, it gets worse. My dad sometimes will piss his actual.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it does.
Bobby Lee
He'll just piss his pants.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
He'll be like, oh, God damn it. Well, you know, a spot like this.
Andrew Santino
Big, you know, how do you ever. Have you caught me smelling my penis?
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
You never caught me doing. Have you caught me doing that?
Bobby Lee
Smelling it.
Andrew Santino
You've caught me, George. Right, no, yeah, yeah. What I'll do is. And it's quick.
Bobby Lee
I just go, oh, I've seen you do that.
Andrew Santino
You see me do that, right?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
It's because of the leaking.
Bobby Lee
Oh, you want to make sure you're not leaking too much.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
You leak, don't you, Carlos? Yeah, those.
Andrew Santino
Those pipes leak now.
Bobby Lee
George leaks for sure.
Andrew Santino
So my. So my. When my brother was 12 years old, he had a neighborhood, this Jewish kid that came over, and my brother had a Casio keyboard that my parents had bought him for his birthday.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And when my dad took naps, right? If you made. If a feather fell on the ground, forget it. It's the incredible. The yellow Incredible Hulk. It's like. You know what I mean? All right, so my brother was playing keyboards, right? My dad took naps naked.
Bobby Lee
Why?
Andrew Santino
So this is broad daylight on a Saturday, right? My dad walks into my brother's room completely naked, right? My dad, he takes the keyboard and smashes it on my brother's back. Cheese are flying out, right? But when he turned around, my brother and his friend laughed because what did they see?
Bobby Lee
Your dad's little Korean penis.
Andrew Santino
No, he turned around, leaving the room.
Bobby Lee
Oh, his ass.
Andrew Santino
The Korean kite. My dad used to sleep with a bunch of toilet paper jammed in his butthole. And the fucking toilet paper would be sticking out. He'd look like a Korean kite, right? Shopify. If you don't have Shopify, you're sinking, dude, deep. It's a new year, 2025, and you're thinking, how am I going to make this year different? How am I going to build something for myself? I'm dying to be on my own, boss, or see if I can turn this business idea I've been kicking around into reality. But I don't know how to make it happen.
Bobby Lee
Well, look, if you're starting a business, because we've been doing a little business, we like getting you guys merch and all sorts of Fun stuff from the Bad Friends show. Without Shopify we couldn't make that possible. They make it easy to manage your growing business. They help with all the details like shipping and taxes and payments all in one dashboard. It's totally built in to help you focus on making the art and growing your business or whatever it is you're doing. So you got to act now. You'll regret it if you don't get.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
Establish in 2025. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Sign up for your $1 per month trial period@shopify.com Bad Friends. That's all lowercase. Go to shopify.com Bad Friends to start selling with Shopify today.
Andrew Santino
That's shopify.com Bad Friends manscape we like you just the way you are. But let's be real.
Bobby Lee
Let's be real about.
Andrew Santino
There's always room for a little upgrade, especially in the grooming department.
Bobby Lee
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Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
That's right. Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy had too much hair so he used Manscaped's Lawnmower 5.0 Ultra. Your balls make them your new best friend. It cuts through the New Year's forest with ease. They got two skin safe blade heads for a fresh start. I love it. I use it in the shower. It's waterproof. It's got a little light on there and you can yin yin yin without nicking your nuts. Start stacking those new habits now and head over to manscaped.com and join over 11 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped. Use the code bad friends for 20% off plus free shipping.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
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Andrew Santino
Off and free shipping with the code.
Bobby Lee
Bad friendscape.com that's manscaped.com code bad friends Zocdoc Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. Look, I moved into a new neighborhood. I needed ZocDoc baby bad bad because I wanted to find a new doctor and dentist to get my new pearly whites. And the best part is they filter through to find in network doctors for you. With over 100,000 doctors across all specialties, they got you covered.
Andrew Santino
You can also filter based on specific preferences. Andrew Whether that's looking for a male doctor, speaks a specific language, has availability that fits with your work schedule or has an opening in the next day or so.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. Here's the best part. Appointments made through Zocdoc can also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. And I did that myself.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
That's z d.combadfriends zoc doc.com bad friends.
Andrew Santino
And the reason why I didn't know until now I know my age and I had to stick toilet paper.
Bobby Lee
You leak or something?
Andrew Santino
There's a little bit of leakage sometimes.
Bobby Lee
At night or just when you 247 when you sleep. Right now you have TP up.
Andrew Santino
Well I'm on Ozempic right now so it clogs it up.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
But in just regular sometimes.
Bobby Lee
Really?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. So I have to like and what I do is I don't know if you know the notice. I don't know why I'm revealing. This is so disgusting.
Bobby Lee
Give it to me.
Andrew Santino
Well, I'm already giving it to you.
Bobby Lee
Well go.
Andrew Santino
Okay. This is so disgusting. I don't even know I should say that but I'm gonna do I fuck it. I don't care. But it's like if you notice I work, I have bottles of cologne on.
Bobby Lee
Me all the time right in your.
Andrew Santino
Car and have wet naps.
Bobby Lee
Sure. Right on the go.
Andrew Santino
So this is an emergency kit. So what I do is at the LAX or whatever. Right.
Bobby Lee
Dude, when we're traveling, that's what you're doing. You go wipe off the leak and spray, spray, spray.
Andrew Santino
I spray on the pad, on the.
Bobby Lee
I know.
Andrew Santino
Wet ones.
Bobby Lee
I've smelled it.
Andrew Santino
Right. Then I do a thing. Right. Just in case.
Bobby Lee
Just in case there's leakage.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You don't have emergency things like that. Anybody in the room, please back me up. Anybody?
Carlos
We're not over 50.
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's true.
Bobby Lee
No, it's just. I think it's. I think that's hereditary. I think that's your family. I think it's your dad.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. So my dad. I think I'm a Korean kite as well.
Bobby Lee
You should start walking around with it in there, just in case, you know?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, my dad used to. I mean, dude, one time, man. My dad, My dad. My mom up on rice.
Bobby Lee
She up rice.
Andrew Santino
When Koreans up rice, people get mad.
Bobby Lee
That's divorce.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
That's how. That's how marriages end.
Andrew Santino
So the dry Weiss rice was way too dry.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
So my brother and I, my mom and dad were at the dinner table, and my dad and you know. You know Korean food. What's the great thing about Korean food? When it comes, when you're at a Korean restaurant? All the little.
Bobby Lee
The little. The little sides.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. Hundred. So, you know, my mom did the same thing. There's like 15 little tiny. You know, I mean.
Bobby Lee
Oh, I love that.
Andrew Santino
It's the best. Right?
Bobby Lee
I love that.
Andrew Santino
And the little grill on the table. Right.
Bobby Lee
Snacks.
Andrew Santino
And then the rice was a little too dry, and once I took the bite of the rice, my mind went, oh, oh, no. Dry rice. Dry rice. Right, right. My dad took the table and threw it into the ceiling, and all the ponchan stuck to the ceiling. And it rained kimchi. Right? No, I'm not kidding you, dude. And it was like, oh. My mom was running from my dad. It was insane kimchi rain. So if you're Korean, don't make the dry. Make it perfect. The rice.
Bobby Lee
Make the rice perfect.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
See, my parents.
Andrew Santino
There's so much trauma.
Bobby Lee
My parents never cooked. My mom wasn't a big cook. My dad's favorite meal of my mom's is called burnt chicken.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Bobby Lee
It's called burnt chicken?
Andrew Santino
No sauce?
Bobby Lee
No, there's a load of sauce.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah.
Bobby Lee
All. Everything is sauce.
Andrew Santino
What kind of sauce?
Bobby Lee
She does like a. She does like a homemade. It's like a Honey barbecue with. It's got a homemade barbecue with teriyaki base. You know, it's like a teriyaki base.
Andrew Santino
That's a good. That's a good.
Bobby Lee
But it's burned chicken. Yeah, it's chicken that they burned.
Andrew Santino
Did you ever do Hungry Man?
Bobby Lee
The Hungry man meals?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
The frozen Every meal.
Bobby Lee
Love those.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. My favorite thing of the hunger meal is that little dessert section. Like the apple. Yeah, the brownie or apple or whatever. Oh, it's the best.
Bobby Lee
You never did Hungry Mans?
Carlos
No, I've done it before. I know the.
Bobby Lee
Your parents, doctors. He didn't have to do that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Doctors fed you?
Carlos
No, I had in la.
Andrew Santino
My favorite is turkey and the little stuffing gravy one with the mashed potatoes.
Bobby Lee
What is that?
Andrew Santino
That green peas and then the little. That's a Hungry Man. Yeah. And there's. I just don't do frozen pasta. Do you do that?
Bobby Lee
In college I did a lot in the bag of Stouffers. You know the Stouffer's meals? Yeah, I used to do those. And one time I was visiting my buddy TYLER In. In D.C. and I had a late night flight and it was storming outside, storming. And Tyler and I, you know, we used to get high together all the time. That's how we met in high school. Smoking weed at lunch and I have a late night flight. He makes one of those Stouffers. Look at the Stouffer's. Two for one pasta bags. He makes one of these Stouffer's late night pasta bags. Right? One of those right there. That bag. No bag. Right, Exactly. Like, whoa, Asiago chicken. Right? So he grills up one of these things, you know, feeds me before I catch my flight. We're in college and I'm sitting there and I go to the bathroom and I'm like feeling kind of out of it, and I'm like, jesus Christ, what am I doing? I go back and sit down and I'm like feeling funky and I'm already kind of anxious because it's a. It's a midnight flight or whatever, pouring down rain. And he goes, you stoned? I go, what? I'm not stoned. Do you feel stoned? I go, why? He goes, I put a huge chunk of weed butter in the Stouffer skillets. I was like, wait, are you serious? He goes, oh, yeah. I put a load in there. He's like, I figured it'd be good for your flight. I was like, no, bad, bad.
Andrew Santino
Did you get high?
Bobby Lee
So high.
Andrew Santino
I was so were you Mad.
Bobby Lee
I was. No, I couldn't be mad. I was scared.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I was like, how am I gonna get to the airport? How am I getting home? He's like, oh, what do you mean? You'll catch a cab, you'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Panic.
Andrew Santino
If somebody did that to me now. Oh, sober. Oh, I'll be. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
Free one.
Bobby Lee
No, dude, I got way too high.
Carlos
Should I do it as a surprise?
Bobby Lee
No. Fuck you.
Andrew Santino
No, no. Because now it's not. Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Idiot.
Andrew Santino
If I eat a bowl of pasta you gave me, there's no way I would know secretly that you did it.
Bobby Lee
Imagine you dose his pasta, but because you Ozempic, he can't finish it ever even gets high.
Andrew Santino
I know. Wow, dude.
Bobby Lee
So many of our friends are on Ozempic.
Andrew Santino
I know.
Bobby Lee
It's crazy how many people are talking to me about it or whatever the other one is that you're on.
Andrew Santino
We go. There's a bunch of different ones.
Bobby Lee
The amount of people, and I can't name names, it's not my business to say, but the amount of people that have told me so many privately are on it.
Andrew Santino
So many.
Bobby Lee
I'm blowing my mind. I feel like I. It's like a thing. It's almost like a thing I'm finding out that, you know, when you find out as you get older, something your parents did, that you're like, everybody did that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Your parents, like. Yeah. We just didn't. Don't worry about it. Shut up. I had like. I had no idea that many people took this.
Andrew Santino
It really does work though. It's. I. I can't believe it.
Bobby Lee
I know. I can believe it. It's. It's. It's what? It's, you know, it's supposed to help people stop eating and it's working.
Andrew Santino
Like you've. When. Because I've been taking this girl out to Blvd.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Right?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And I even me, you know what I order. There I go. Give me as my meal, I get the three sauteed shrimp. It's so good.
Bobby Lee
They are so good, right?
Andrew Santino
And I'll get some, you know, halibut ceviche. You're right. And that's it. And that's all night. That's the only thing I'll eat.
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You won't even have a piece of steak?
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
What? No.
Andrew Santino
She ate a tomahawk like this.
Bobby Lee
No dessert.
Andrew Santino
Nothing. No dessert, Nothing. That's. I can't get anything else in.
Carlos
That's incredible.
Andrew Santino
You eat it. You're like, I'm done. I can't. I'm about to vomit. It's amazing.
Bobby Lee
It is a miracle.
Andrew Santino
And then you don't get, like, hunger pains at night.
Bobby Lee
What about. Yeah, in the middle of the night?
Andrew Santino
Sometimes I do eat cereal in the.
Bobby Lee
Middle of the night.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, and I'll eat either. My favorite is. I love golden grams. Oh, GGs, right? I like Cinnamon Life.
Bobby Lee
I like Cinnamon Life.
Andrew Santino
Cinnamon Life, my friend.
Bobby Lee
Well, here's why you like it.
Andrew Santino
What?
Bobby Lee
Because the milk is phenomenal. I want to do Cinnamon Life and just bottle that milk afterwards.
Andrew Santino
That's.
Bobby Lee
Sell Cinnamon Life.
Andrew Santino
Smart. You're a breakout.
Bobby Lee
Why don't they do that?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's.
Bobby Lee
What's your least favorite cereal? This is easy.
Andrew Santino
Oh, it's so easy. Captain Crunch.
Bobby Lee
Because it cuts your tongue and your mouth.
Andrew Santino
I hate the flavor. Everything about it.
Bobby Lee
But the Peanut Butter Cafe Crunch is pretty good.
Andrew Santino
I can't eat it. I hate it.
Bobby Lee
What about, like, Booberries?
Andrew Santino
Hate it.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
I'm gonna tell you right now what I like.
Bobby Lee
Count Chocula.
Andrew Santino
Is that like Fruity Pebbles?
Bobby Lee
No, Count Chocolate is like an iteration of Captain Crock. Okay. Fruity Pebbles.
Andrew Santino
Anything fruity. Pebbly. I like. I don't like that.
George
Do you like anything that doesn't come with a toy? Just make it up for Andres being gone.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, well, you're doing a great job because he's just as shitty as you. That's the same Bob that.
Andrew Santino
That, that, that, that. That. That makes me mad. That. That right there is. Ruined it all for me.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Okay. Cocoa Pebbles is the same as fruity.
Andrew Santino
I like the. I like anything pebbly.
Bobby Lee
You are a pebble guy.
Andrew Santino
I'm a pebble guy. And then also. Okay, so Fruit Loops. No, no.
Bobby Lee
So, like, Loops. So Apple Jacks are out. Wow, that's crazy. Apple Jacks are so good.
Andrew Santino
Here. What I do like, I like the. The frosted Mini Wheats.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Okay, first of all, it absorbs the milk.
Bobby Lee
It's great.
Andrew Santino
It's the best.
Bobby Lee
They need more frosting.
Andrew Santino
No, I like the one side frosting.
Bobby Lee
Should go all the way around.
Andrew Santino
That's not true at all.
Bobby Lee
Frosting.
Andrew Santino
Too much. It's too much. It's too much.
Bobby Lee
No, you're. Then you're eating just Shredded Wheat. Because, by the way, sometimes I'll say this. Listen up, dude.
Andrew Santino
Those things are the best.
Bobby Lee
Listen up. Kellogg's.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I'll tell you what pisses me off about frosted Mini Wheats. Lately. They've been skipping on the frost. A lot of times, I'll see a mini wheat there. The whole thing, the whole one side isn't frosted. It'll be a little piece of frost.
Andrew Santino
Look at that long piece of fucking.
Bobby Lee
Sometimes you get a double down.
Andrew Santino
I don't want a double one.
Bobby Lee
No, I love that.
Andrew Santino
All right, so I suck it like this, right? I know you do. So, and I've talked about this before. I think, I don't know where, but. And I've had to campaign because in the late 70s, early 80s.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
There was one thing that was the greatest thing ever made. It was the greatest thing ever made. It's what I survived on. I, I, if I think about it today, my mouth waters.
Bobby Lee
All right, give me the initials. I can guess it.
Andrew Santino
You're never gonna guess it.
Bobby Lee
Give me the initials.
Andrew Santino
I'll just say Carnation.
Bobby Lee
Oh, into the instant breakfast.
Andrew Santino
No, in the early 80s, there was a Carnation breakfast bar.
Bobby Lee
Oh, you told us about this. Yeah, yeah, right, the breakfast bar.
Andrew Santino
And they stopped making it. And if you go online, people still want the recipe.
Bobby Lee
I remember this thing.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it is the, was the greatest breakfast thing. The way it fell apart in your mouth.
Bobby Lee
Crunch. The crunch, the crumble.
Andrew Santino
Everything about it I would take, I would buy 15 boxes at the fucking thing.
Bobby Lee
Is Carnation still a company? Look that up. Do they still exist?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, they are. They do, but they don't make those bars.
Bobby Lee
Somebody owns them.
Andrew Santino
Somebody's got to remake that.
Bobby Lee
Why don't we fucking. We should do Bad Friends. Carnation Breakfast Bars. Who owns Carnation now?
Andrew Santino
Look that Nestle.
Bobby Lee
Oh, they do, yeah. Nestle, parent company.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Frazier and Neve.
Andrew Santino
And I think people have tried online. I've read on Reddit and stuff, people try to make it. I don't think they've, I think they've failed. If there's something magical about it, well.
Bobby Lee
The magic is gone.
Andrew Santino
It's gone.
Bobby Lee
Isn't it funny when you find out who owns something? Like, the other day I looked up JetBlue because I was like, they were booking me on a JetBlue flight because I gotta fly for this gig. And I was like, oh, yeah, JetBlue. And then look who owns JetBlue, by the way. Because I was looking up what the.
Carlos
Oh, my God.
Bobby Lee
Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Before you get to it, I was looking up what the flight stat. Like, are they owned by United? Like they had a partnership. Right? That's what I was looking for, for their points or whatever. And then I accidentally looked up who owns it. Zoom in. Look at this. BlackRock Vanguard, BlackRock Dude, I don't know who that is. One of the largest fucking like venture capital conglomerate. They own the world.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
They're probably the. They're probably the biggest purveyors of like, war. Blackrock is basically. I mean, they make everything. Look what they own. As of December, BlackRock's market cap net worth is $159 billion. The world's largest money management firm. They own everything.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Carlos
They have 11.5 trillion.
Bobby Lee
Trillion in assets. Which means they. Which means they're.
Andrew Santino
Trillion.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, because they're. It's their military. They make military.
Andrew Santino
Trillion. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Big T. Imagine. What would you do if you were a trillionaire?
Bobby Lee
You'd never see me again.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, you'd see me. No, on everything.
Bobby Lee
Put yourself on billboards. All up and down.
Andrew Santino
Clouds. The clouds would be my face.
Bobby Lee
Is that a cloud?
Andrew Santino
You would look up, all the clouds would be.
Bobby Lee
They're bobby seating again. So fucking rad.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Private military companies. Black. Black rock. Not black water. That's black water.
Carlos
No, but blackrock does military contracting.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, they do contracting, right. Trillion. Well, dude, you saw what happened the other day to fucking Elon Musk, right? Since Trump's election, he made $40 billion because of. Because of his stock options and everything like that. Shot through the roof between X SpaceX, X Tesla. 439 billion. $439 billion billion dollars.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Look at that. Jeff Bezos. 237. Nice try.
Carlos
He's getting married.
Bobby Lee
Who is?
Carlos
Bezos.
Bobby Lee
He's getting married.
Carlos
Yeah, in Aspen, I think this weekend.
Bobby Lee
Are you going? Did you get invited?
Carlos
No, no. Surprised you.
Bobby Lee
We should all get invited. For how many? Amazon. My house is an Amazon factory. The amount of my wife gets up from Amazon. Comical. No, it's. Honestly, at this point, the driver the other day goes back again.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
Back again. That's what he says.
Andrew Santino
Is she addicted? I'm addicted. Is she addicted?
Bobby Lee
She's bad addicted.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. What'd she get?
Bobby Lee
Like, just. It's all for the house. It's. It's like. It's stuff. It's small stuff for the house.
Andrew Santino
And you don't yell at her ever.
Bobby Lee
No. Why? Who gives a. So if it's just funny to me, I'm like, poor.
Andrew Santino
Wait, so does she say to you, did she. You know, I spent $4,200 this week?
Bobby Lee
No, she doesn't spend that. It's not like that. It's just small stuff.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but she, she, she, she doesn't have to go to you and go, hey, I spent this?
Bobby Lee
No. Why?
Andrew Santino
Okay. That's great.
Bobby Lee
What a great dad, a bro, husband, dad, brother, husband. What a great dad, brother, husband.
Andrew Santino
No, you know, some, some guys are like that, like, hey, sweet, I want to see the receipts or you know.
Bobby Lee
I mean, no, cuz she's not buying crazy. She's just buying like she's.
Andrew Santino
So if she did spend like 22, $22,000 on something, would she tell you?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, we'd have to have a conversation. $22,000. I'd be like, what was it?
Andrew Santino
What?
Bobby Lee
What was it?
Andrew Santino
Did you buy heels?
Bobby Lee
Baby, you bought twenty two thousand dollar high heels?
Andrew Santino
No, I bought like fourteen of them. That led up to twenty two thousand, so don't yell at me.
Bobby Lee
No. Well, I am.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
That's a lot of money. Why are we spending $22,000 on shoes?
Andrew Santino
I like them.
Bobby Lee
I know that you like them, but could you get less than 14?
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
You need them?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You promise?
Andrew Santino
Yes.
Bobby Lee
All right. It's fine.
Andrew Santino
And you're fine with it?
Bobby Lee
I guess if you say you need them. What am I going to do? If you say you need.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
What am I going to. What am I going to say? Yeah, because then it's like, then I want to go buy something fun for me and. Because she could be like, why do you want that car? I really love cars. What's the justification?
Andrew Santino
Right?
Bobby Lee
We all have our bullshit that the. Our partner could go, well, that's stupid as fuck.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And by the way, it probably is. Shoes are dumb, clothes are dumb, cars are dumb, toys are dumb. But like, I want. We want them, so fuck it.
Andrew Santino
Guess What? The number one thing I buy off of TikTok and Instagram and I get something every week.
Bobby Lee
Sex toys.
Andrew Santino
No.
Carlos
Pants?
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Shoes.
George
Slides.
Andrew Santino
What's the slide mean?
Bobby Lee
Sandals. Flip flop. He's right, that's comfy.
George
Sandals.
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Oh, oh. A thing for the. A thing for the cats. Yes, I fucking.
Andrew Santino
That.
George
And it never came. I was so mad.
Bobby Lee
Thank. For the cats. You know why?
George
Then I bought it on Amazon, the same thing. And the cat didn't even play with it.
Andrew Santino
That's why. That's why you have to buy a lot.
Bobby Lee
You gotta buy. You gotta buy more.
Andrew Santino
I buy everything. A bird, A mechanical bird. Right. You charge it. Right. And the cat just kind of walked by it. They don't give a fuck.
Bobby Lee
Dude, you got to keep trying.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I keep trying. I bought a scratching post that looked like an Asian temple.
Bobby Lee
Oh.
Andrew Santino
And it's right outside my. When I left the house today, the box was there. So I'M going to assemble it when I get back. That's. I can't wait.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Stuff for the animal. I'll buy anything for the dog. I don't give a. Yeah, but when I say she. If she spent like. Look, if she had a problem, if it was bad and she spent too much money, where it was like, scary. Yeah, we'd have a conversation about it, but you know what I mean? It would have to be like, what the going on. But that was the thing I think about sometimes. Like, you hear these stories later in life. People that are like, the spouse was spending crazy money and they didn't know. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know right up. Stories where they're like, they had a gambling addiction and they were.
Andrew Santino
You know what happened? No. Sometimes the wife is so in debt and she's hiding from the husband.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And then they kill the husband.
Andrew Santino
I've seen a couple of those.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Have you seen a couple of them?
Bobby Lee
Dude, they kill them because they don't want to kill them.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You'd rather kill me than tell me we're in debt.
Andrew Santino
I know.
Bobby Lee
Tell me.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Or the worst.
Bobby Lee
And then what happens when you tell me that we're in debt?
Andrew Santino
Yo.
Bobby Lee
Then I kill you.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
That's why.
Andrew Santino
But. Or what would you do if you found out that your wife put a hit on you? I've seen a couple of those too.
Bobby Lee
It turned me on a little bit.
Andrew Santino
But how that would destroy me.
Bobby Lee
It'd be kind of hot, though. At first you'd want to it out.
Andrew Santino
What do you mean?
Bobby Lee
Cause you'd be like, you try to kill me.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I forgive you. But we gotta a lot.
Bobby Lee
We gotta a lot, dude.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
If. If I found out my wife put a hit out on me? It'd be kind of. It would turn me on for the creativity of it.
Andrew Santino
Right.
Bobby Lee
Kind of rad. Would you find these guys.
Andrew Santino
It's divorce, though.
Bobby Lee
I don't know.
Andrew Santino
That would be real.
Bobby Lee
Might be fight to the death.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. How about you?
Bobby Lee
How about you do it, George?
George
Oh, I'd just move away. I'd hide.
Andrew Santino
Would you get divorced, though?
George
No, I wouldn't even. I would not pass go. I'd just be. I'd be in the middle of Montana.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah.
George
See Glacier National Park.
Andrew Santino
What your kids, though?
Bobby Lee
Kids? What kids?
Andrew Santino
You would take the kids?
George
If I had time. But if they. If they were a daycare, I'd just be gone. This first Greyhound out of town.
Andrew Santino
What a man.
Bobby Lee
Well, you know what it is?
Andrew Santino
You're A real man, dude.
Bobby Lee
He doesn't want his kids or his wife. He's gone. This guy's dreaming in the mountains. In his mind he wants to run away by a little river.
Andrew Santino
Do you have enough to survive in the. Oh, yeah, but you're like, you know, Ted Kaczynski or whatever.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah.
George
He was poor. That was his real problem. Yeah, he didn't get any. I really listened to a whole.
Andrew Santino
That is his name Ted Kaczynski? Yeah. Yeah. Unabomber, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
George
Him and his brother were real weirdos.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You would have a beard. You'd be, like, making things in the fucking shed.
Bobby Lee
Make his own clothes.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, you'd be so weird.
Bobby Lee
Carlos, what would you do if your significant other put a hit on. On you?
Carlos
Oh, I'd call the FBI and.
Andrew Santino
Thank you.
Bobby Lee
Rat, snitch brat.
Andrew Santino
No, her.
Carlos
Oh. Getting divorced is like a cheat code.
Bobby Lee
I would.
Carlos
Oh, now I get to be single.
Bobby Lee
I'd slowly poison her.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Oh, I like. Oh, yeah.
Bobby Lee
I find out she was to put a hit on me. I'd slowly poison.
Andrew Santino
So I saw one where a girl gets cut. Now she's at the cops, and they. They confront her. They go, we know we have it all on tape, right? And the husband's there. Oh, right. And then the cop opens the door, the husband's there, and she goes, tommy, come here. Just come here. Let's talk.
Bobby Lee
Fuck you.
Andrew Santino
Come here. Tommy. No, seriously, what the is going on, Tommy? Tom's, like, off, right? Yeah, but it's like, what do you think is gonna happen, lady?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but she probably was trying to manipulate him. That's by the way. She's probably. She's probably good. Master manipulator. She's probably a sociopath. And she probably thinks there's. I didn't do anything wrong.
Andrew Santino
She wasn't even hot.
Bobby Lee
If you're gonna kill me, you better be hot.
Andrew Santino
You better be hot. You better be so Margot Robbie.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you better. Margo.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Kill me.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Hey.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God.
Bobby Lee
Hey, Sydney Sweeney. Murder me.
Andrew Santino
Murder me. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Slit my throat in cold blood.
Andrew Santino
But it's like the, the gall to cut.
Bobby Lee
To have you put a hit is crazy.
Andrew Santino
It's crazy. Dude.
Bobby Lee
If you were gonna put a hit on somebody, how would you go find someone to do that, though? You can't Google it.
Andrew Santino
There's no way to do it. I, I, I. Late, Late at night, I do think about stuff because, you know, late at night you have revenge fantasies.
Bobby Lee
You do, for sure.
Andrew Santino
You don't have revenge fantasies?
Bobby Lee
Not really. I don't. I don't care. What am I?
Andrew Santino
Me either.
Bobby Lee
Then you love it. I know you do.
Andrew Santino
So I lay in my bed and that. Always putting on a hit in my scenarios, in my head, because I go, how would I do it?
Bobby Lee
Well, you go get a homeless guy.
Andrew Santino
Even then it's like, no, because they're gonna catch you on tape even approaching the homeless guy. What's Bobby Lee, you know, giving a homeless guy?
Bobby Lee
Four.
Andrew Santino
Four grand.
Bobby Lee
I wasn't giving him that much money, Okay. I hid the money. He had to go get it.
Andrew Santino
So I met skid row.
Bobby Lee
I got it all planned out.
Andrew Santino
You do? I'm hanging out skid row.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I go, that guy might go, hey, sir, can you come here? And he's like, ah, I'm a fake. And then you're like, okay, that's not the guy the coco could do.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's my guy.
Andrew Santino
Right. And then. So where would I go? And then I would probably go to, like, Guam.
Bobby Lee
The guy that works.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. He looks like he knows somebody.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, he does. Hang on.
Andrew Santino
Go ahead. You know anybody? I'm just hypothetical.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
No. Dude. What the. Get the fuck away from me.
Bobby Lee
That means he does.
Andrew Santino
He's like, Right. So then I think I would call the shadiest guy now.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
But after that, I'd be like, I don't know what to do.
Bobby Lee
I'd get a homeless guy. Because then it's a phone. You know, if you get a whole crazy homeless guy and you. And you. You hide the money you give. You give him, like, two couple of tasks. One, he's got to go kill someone. Two, I've hid the money all over the place as a scavenger hunt for him to get the money. Then it gives him an adventure, you know?
Andrew Santino
Well, the money part, because these clubs now pay you cash.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Right. So I just do a bunch of improv spots.
Bobby Lee
Right? Get the cash.
Andrew Santino
That's how I get the cash.
Bobby Lee
Right. There you go.
Andrew Santino
So they have cash in my pocket, untraceable. I'll save about ten grand worth of.
Bobby Lee
You think someone's gonna kill someone for ten grand?
Andrew Santino
Down payment. You always say, put a down payment down until the task done.
Bobby Lee
What does it cost to kill someone?
Andrew Santino
You go 10 grand at first.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Okay, 20 grand.
Bobby Lee
20 grand to kill someone?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
No chance. There's. It's got to be way more than that. Someone's not gonna kill someone for ten grand. You can hire a hitman on the dark Web.
Carlos
Well, or you could get A ghost gun. That's what's gonna tell Bobby to do is he should kill her himself.
Bobby Lee
What's A ghost gun?
Carlos
3D printed gun.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
Oh, and you can destroy it when you're done.
Andrew Santino
It's what.
Carlos
Luigi used it.
Bobby Lee
Did he really?
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Carlos
So weird looking.
Bobby Lee
Oh, he printed his own gun.
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's cool.
Bobby Lee
That's kind of weird. He printed his own gun but didn't cover up any other parts of his tracks. Like, he literally was like. Huh.
Carlos
He didn't have gloves on. He didn't check the. See if he was dead. It was.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. So it's like he left all the other evidence. He like went out of his way to get a 3D gun, but he.
Andrew Santino
Also got a silencer. And apparently that was the wrong move.
Bobby Lee
Why?
Andrew Santino
Oh, you don't know.
Bobby Lee
Why?
Andrew Santino
Why?
Bobby Lee
Why?
Carlos
Because.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you don't. Oh, you don't know. You don't know. Okay. So what professional would say, right, is you make it loud because. So that people can hear it and they don't run toward gun violence. They run away from it and they duck and they hide. Ah, right. So if he would. What?
Carlos
That's good.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. So you use a regular. Right. That way. Right. There's no one around. Right. But he and. And the cop that I heard on the news.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. News, news.
Andrew Santino
They said. They said that he played too many video games. The kids today, they play so many video. They think that's how you do it. They put a silencer and all that stuff.
George
Like you're playing just subsonic bullets right in the ear. You're good to go.
Andrew Santino
See, the way you said that was creepy.
Bobby Lee
I know. He's planned it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. You've had revenge. Revenge fantasy.
Bobby Lee
He's had revenge fantasy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. Subsonic. What? In the ear.
George
Subsonic bullets, they don't pass. They don't go over the speed of sound. So then they don't make that big old pop.
Carlos
Oh, that's awesome.
Andrew Santino
That's awesome.
Bobby Lee
That's real thing.
Andrew Santino
That's good to know. That's good to know. Subsonic bullets. So when you bang it, right? It doesn't have a bang.
George
Well, it has a bang, but it's a lot more quiet.
Bobby Lee
How do you know this, George?
Andrew Santino
How do you know this?
George
Dude, you know when a raccoon was getting our.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Using a subsonic bullet for a raccoonic.
George
Bullet to get the raccoon. Because it was eating our. Eating our chickens. And that's kind of highly illegal.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
George
And the LA city limits to shoot.
Bobby Lee
A gun at a At a raccoon. Yeah, it's 100 illegal, but it was.
George
So quiet, nobody saw it.
Andrew Santino
Heard. Wow. How do you write things on the bullet?
Carlos
The pen.
Bobby Lee
Very small pen.
Andrew Santino
He didn't engrave it.
Bobby Lee
What did it say on the shell?
Carlos
Deny, depose, and delay.
Andrew Santino
And people are getting tattoos of. It's funny.
Bobby Lee
Denied. Deposed. Delay.
Andrew Santino
They're getting the tattoos of that on the back.
Bobby Lee
Dude, that's so dark. Who would you run up to and kiss on the face? What? Famous. What? What?
Andrew Santino
What do you mean?
Bobby Lee
What CEO would you run up to and kiss on the face?
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's it.
Carlos
Governor of Texas.
Bobby Lee
You go kiss him on the face.
Andrew Santino
You kiss. Yeah, he's kissable. He's so kissed.
Bobby Lee
Some of these guys are so kissable, man.
Carlos
Wheelchair.
Andrew Santino
I would kiss him 15 times in the head. Wouldn't you? Yeah. Back of the back of the head. 15 times. Right. And then one in the dick.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that one's the sweetest.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah. Wow.
Bobby Lee
Deny, depose, delay.
Andrew Santino
A couple of comics I want to kiss.
Bobby Lee
You know, there's always a couple.
Andrew Santino
There's so many comics I want to kiss.
Bobby Lee
What do you want to kiss?
Carlos
Annie.
Andrew Santino
I don't want to name any. No, I don't want to kiss her.
Carlos
I do.
Andrew Santino
You really do?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Carlos
I would kiss her.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Carlos
In the vagina.
Andrew Santino
What she. What she did to me the other night was.
Bobby Lee
What did she do?
Andrew Santino
Was she started a war with me. Oh, of course. You don't know what she did.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
So.
Carlos
Stole your Ozempic.
Bobby Lee
No, you told me. I told you I was pretty flagrant.
Andrew Santino
It's flagrant, Right. So I'm going to tell you what she did. All right, so we're in the main room, was packed. I'm bringing Annie up, right? And I have a good set. So I say good night. I give her a great intro.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And also I'm on a date.
Bobby Lee
So you have a female friend.
Andrew Santino
So I have a friend in the audience, you know, that's watching the show. She had never seen me perform. Perform before.
Bobby Lee
And. And you killed.
Andrew Santino
I did good, right? So that I bring Annie, and as I'm walking toward the back of the thing and he's coming out through those curtains, and she has water. She does a pratfall and throws it on my body. Now I'm drenched wet. And here's. Here's on purpose. On purpose.
Bobby Lee
She says, it wasn't on purpose.
Andrew Santino
It was on purpose. I found. I later found out it was on purpose. And here's the. What's the Biggest sin there.
Bobby Lee
Throwing water on you.
Andrew Santino
No hacky joke. No laugh.
Bobby Lee
Nobody laugh. So the room was quiet.
Andrew Santino
The room was quiet. And they're like, oh, whoa. You know what I mean? So now I'm drenched. It's silence in the room.
Bobby Lee
What did you say?
Andrew Santino
My date is blushing. Right, Right. And I go, what the. She's like, oh, I'm so sorry. Because, you see, I saw how upset it was. And then as I went backstage, I went, what? You know, I went crazy, dude, while she was on stage. But what do you think of that? Is that war?
Bobby Lee
It seems like if. That's. That's.
Andrew Santino
That seems like a war to me.
Bobby Lee
It's an attack. Yeah, that's an attack. But by the way, to be fair, you still got laid, but it didn't ruin your night. But it is a little. That's a little war. That's a little baby. She's throwing up a flare.
Andrew Santino
She does things like that. She'll also do stuff like kick you in the stomach. Like she does weird.
Bobby Lee
She kicks you in the stomach.
Andrew Santino
Well, she'll, like, do some kind of cr. It's always like, some karate thing. And then she'll like you, you know? I mean, you're like, what the Are you doing, dude? Annie, what are you doing?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, what is she trying to start a war for you for? What is that?
Andrew Santino
I don't know, dude.
Bobby Lee
I thought you guys were always all right.
Andrew Santino
But she's. She also told me. She said, well, that usually works with you. No, my prat Fall with the water. It didn't work that time. Yeah, because I killed.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you did, too. Good. Well, no one. Also. Nobody wants to be wet.
Andrew Santino
It was so. Yeah, you're drenched.
Bobby Lee
I don't want to be wet for the. Now I'm.
Andrew Santino
Wait, no. What would you have done if she'd had that? She would never do that to you. But if she did.
Bobby Lee
Maybe would. But if.
Andrew Santino
If she.
Bobby Lee
I would go grab a water or drink off someone's table and throw it right on her in front of everybody. That would get the laugh. If she threw it to me, then I would. I would be like, what the are you doing? Laugh it off a little bit.
Andrew Santino
I don't think. I think it would be uncomfortable in the room.
Bobby Lee
I'd grab it. I'd grab a drink off somebody's thing and throw it on her.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And then.
Bobby Lee
And then I'd start a food fight.
Andrew Santino
And I forgot who it was. But after Annie, the comic after was mad.
Bobby Lee
Why do you think there's water all over the stage?
Andrew Santino
So they had to pause and some doorman had to go up there and wash clean the stage so bad. So you have now this lull.
Bobby Lee
So. Jesus. Trejo's got to go up.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was terrible.
Bobby Lee
Gonna wait for someone to clean up the water in front of them.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. So what's your.
Bobby Lee
Are you gonna respond to this war now? Are you starting a little war back? Yeah, seems like you might.
Andrew Santino
You know me.
Bobby Lee
Seems like you might.
Andrew Santino
There's a couple of things he's done over the years that have been like, oh, man, that's. That's a war, but I'm gonna back off.
Bobby Lee
But the water on you.
Andrew Santino
But the water was almost like the last thing, maybe. Yeah. But I don't know. What do you think? What would you have done, Carlos?
Carlos
Oh, I would have lost my temper.
Bobby Lee
It's.
Carlos
It would have been. I've lost my temper at Annie a lot.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Well, you guys have beef or something?
Carlos
No, we just always played around like that.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Carlos
Like, I walked off her show once. Like.
Bobby Lee
Did she apologize for the water?
Andrew Santino
No, she was just. It was an accident. I slipped. So that was her way of not. You don't believe it, but later she's like. She said. She didn't say. She still maintains it was slip, but then she told me I've done it before, like, throwing water. Right. So in my mind, I'm like, that's not a slip. Yeah, that's not a fucking slip. You know what I mean?
Bobby Lee
Let's see how that plays out.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Anyway, what's any New Year's resolution for you?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I've got resolutions.
Andrew Santino
Go ahead.
Bobby Lee
I'm leaving the state of California as a permanent resident. I. I can't do it anymore.
Carlos
Is that true?
Bobby Lee
I paid too much in taxes. I got to get out of here. I'm done. I can't support this place. I gotta go.
Andrew Santino
So we're.
Bobby Lee
We're moving the show.
Andrew Santino
Where are you going?
Bobby Lee
We are officially.
Andrew Santino
Where are we going?
Bobby Lee
We are moving.
Andrew Santino
Where are we going?
Bobby Lee
To Nevada. Pahrump, Nevada.
George
Oh, love that place.
Andrew Santino
We'll go.
Bobby Lee
We're moving to Pahrump.
Andrew Santino
We'll go.
Bobby Lee
Gotta go, dude. Yeah, we gotta set up a studio in Pahrump. So we're gonna be setting up the studio in Pahrump, Nevada. We gotta move there. State. State income tax. We'll save on that. We'll still pay our fed, but no more California.
Andrew Santino
You think we would thrive in Nevada? Yeah, like by Vegas.
Bobby Lee
100%.
Andrew Santino
You think so?
Bobby Lee
What the fuck? We would do great. Let's we could move to Vegas and have the most fun. Do shows all the time.
Andrew Santino
Not prom. He was kidding. But we're not kidding. No, man.
Bobby Lee
We'll move to Vegas where we'll open up a club called the Brothership. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The brothers.
Andrew Santino
Only for black people have to be.
Bobby Lee
Black to get in. Welcome to the Brothership, y'all.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
And we only play George Clinton in the hallway.
Andrew Santino
I think if we did move to Vegas.
Bobby Lee
If we did move to Vegas. What?
Andrew Santino
I would open, like a 150 seat comedy club.
Bobby Lee
See, I think 100 seater would be great.
Andrew Santino
That'd be great.
Bobby Lee
Just 100 seats.
Andrew Santino
A little. 100 seat little places.
Bobby Lee
We should do that. Should we do a bad friends club in Vegas? The problem is there's too many clubs in Vegas. There's. There's Jimmy Kimmel's room. There's. The seller has a room. There's.
Andrew Santino
But they're not showcase clubs. They're headliner clubs.
Bobby Lee
They're headliner. No, no. The seller is a split showcase. It's a split headliner.
Andrew Santino
They book it in way in advance. What I'm saying is that I want to do, like, for locals. For locals. And anyone that's in town that wants to work out that showcase place.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, maybe we should do that. There's a Laugh Factory, a comedy seller, the la. It's called LA Comedy Club. There's Las Vegas Live, Brad Garrett's room, Jimmy Kimmel's Wise Guys. God, there's so many.
Andrew Santino
There's so many.
Bobby Lee
Carrot Top has a club out there.
Andrew Santino
But you can't just call it.
George
Have a club.
Carlos
No, he's got the room with the Luxor.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. But.
Andrew Santino
But could you. I mean. I mean, if we. I've never been to Vegas. We're like, I'm gonna call in this way. I don't know where to go. Do you see?
Bobby Lee
That'd be fun. To make a. But is there enough local comics in Vegas?
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, no, that's.
Bobby Lee
You know, you could create a system.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but there's also a lot of. I know probably 40 comics that just live there.
Bobby Lee
Okay?
Andrew Santino
So you can go, hey, guys, there's no showcase club, so just call in if you're in town. Just work out.
Bobby Lee
All right, well, we'll start the Brothership down there in Las Vegas.
Andrew Santino
And we'll have a happy New Year, everybody.
Bobby Lee
And our premiere show. Our premiere show there will be me.
Andrew Santino
Me, you, Nate Bargazi, Bert Price. We'll call in all our favors.
Bobby Lee
We'll have to have a weekly show there hosted by someone. It'll be called Murder, Anthony.
Andrew Santino
That's good. Anyway. Very good. Very good. Good night. Thank you for being. Let's just end on that note. Thank you for being a bad.
Podcast Summary: Bad Friends - Episode "One Good Korean"
Host/Authors: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Production: 7EQUIS
Release Date: January 27, 2025
Introduction
In the latest episode of Bad Friends, hosts Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino delve into a variety of topics ranging from personal resolutions and reflections on mortality to humorous takes on hypothetical war scenarios and relationship dynamics. Joined by contributors Carlos and George, the episode titled "One Good Korean" offers a blend of heartfelt discussions and comedic banter, maintaining the show's signature style of candid and engaging conversations.
1. Resolutions and Personal Reflections ([00:33-02:24])
As the new year unfolds, Bobby and Andrew kick off the episode by discussing their resolutions. Andrew Santino humorously refers to his state of making resolutions as being in "Resolution City" (00:47), prompting Bobby to playfully act as both a therapist and a law enforcement officer encouraging commitment to personal goals.
Andrew shares his struggle with addictive behaviors, such as obsessively playing the same level in a mobile game for extended periods (01:20). He opens up about using repetitive activities like watching the same YouTube videos to avoid confronting deeper feelings, highlighting the challenges of maintaining healthy habits.
Notable Quote:
Andrew Santino [01:20]: "I'm running away. I'm not... I'm being obsessive about something, and I do it because I don't want to feel."
2. Celebrating Good Figures and "One Good Korean" ([02:24-04:33])
Transitioning to more emotional topics, Bobby shares his experience of watching an inspiring video featuring soccer legend Ian Wright reunited with his primary school teacher, Mr. Pigdon (02:30). He describes the emotional impact of the reunion, emphasizing the profound influence of mentorship and support.
The conversation shifts to a broader discussion about recognizing positive contributions from various communities. Andrew defends groups that often receive negative stereotypes, citing historical figures like Oskar Schindler and Mr. Pigdon as examples of extraordinary humanitarian efforts (04:04).
Notable Quote:
Bobby Lee [03:24]: "He said it meant more to him that Ian Wright played for the country of England than when he flew over Buckingham Palace."
3. Hypothetical World War Three Scenarios ([04:33-10:09])
The hosts delve into a humorous and speculative conversation about the possibility of World War Three. They consider absurd scenarios, such as someone sneaking into North Korea with a phone (04:43), and brainstorm comical survival strategies.
Carlos and George join in, contributing to the banter about being drafted and the dynamics of being placed in the same platoon as each other. The discussion touches on exaggerated military tactics, such as replacing traditional glory holes with explosive devices (06:36), and the challenges of maintaining camaraderie in dire situations.
Notable Quote:
Andrew Santino [05:03]: "But Russia and China gave..."
Bobby Lee [05:30]: "What did you just say? With Russia and China, they could."
4. Reflections on Death and Mortality ([44:11 onwards])
After the mid-episode advertisement break, Bobby brings the conversation to a contemplative phase, discussing the importance of making a will and contemplating mortality. He shares his experience of designing his will, deciding on the distribution of his assets, and setting a one-week period for family members to say their goodbyes (18:29).
The hosts reflect on the suddenness of death, mentioning the passing of notable figures like Ricky Henderson and Bob Saget (25:24). They explore the emotional impact of losing loved ones unexpectedly and the practical steps involved in estate planning.
Notable Quote:
Bobby Lee [18:29]: "George is actually right. You know, I did a week so family could come say goodbye to you."
5. Aging, Health Issues, and Personal Anecdotes ([40:00-73:37])
The conversation shifts to the realities of aging and related health issues, such as leakage and the challenges it poses. Both hosts share personal anecdotes about dealing with these aspects, adding a layer of vulnerability and relatability to the discussion.
Bobby recounts his claustrophobic experience during an MRI (12:49), while Andrew humorously describes his coping mechanisms, including maintaining an emergency kit for unexpected situations (45:30). The dialogue seamlessly blends humor with honest reflections on the physical changes that come with age.
Notable Quote:
Andrew Santino [45:30]: "So this is an emergency kit. So what I do is at the LAX or whatever. Right, so I just..."
6. Relationships and Personal Stories ([Beyond 73:34])
As the episode progresses, Bobby and Andrew delve into the complexities of relationships, discussing topics like financial disagreements and the humorous notion of a spouse putting a hit on someone. They share exaggerated stories and playful hypotheticals about handling such conflicts, emphasizing the importance of communication and trust.
Carlos adds his perspective, suggesting practical (though comically dramatized) solutions to relationship problems (73:52), while Bobby and Andrew navigate through various humorous takes on marital disputes and personal boundaries.
Notable Quote:
Bobby Lee [61:08]: "I would slowly poison her. Because you know what I mean?"
7. Decision to Move to Nevada ([73:34-75:07])
In a significant turn, Bobby announces a major life change: relocating from California to Pahrump, Nevada to escape high state taxes (73:34). The hosts discuss the financial benefits of the move, highlighting Nevada's favorable tax laws compared to California's stringent tax regime.
They brainstorm ideas for expanding their brand in Nevada, including opening a comedy club named "Brothership." The conversation underscores their eagerness to embrace new opportunities and foster local comedy talent in a different environment.
Notable Quote:
Bobby Lee [73:45]: "We are officially... setting up the studio in Pahrump, Nevada."
8. Closing Remarks ([75:07 onwards])
Bobby and Andrew wrap up the episode with a mix of camaraderie and optimism about their future endeavors in Nevada. They express excitement about the new chapter and reaffirm their commitment to delivering entertaining content to their listeners.
The episode concludes on a light-hearted note, maintaining the friendly and humorous dynamic that Bad Friends is known for.
Notable Quote:
Andrew Santino [75:07]: "We'll have a happy New Year, everybody."
Conclusion
In "One Good Korean," Bad Friends masterfully balances serious reflections with comedic interactions, offering listeners a multifaceted experience. From personal resolutions and the contemplation of mortality to playful discussions about hypothetical wars and significant life changes, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino provide both depth and laughter. The addition of Carlos and George enriches the dialogue, making this episode a testament to enduring friendships and the ability to find humor in life's most profound moments.
Notable Quotes Overview:
Andrew Santino [01:20]: "I'm running away. I'm not... I'm being obsessive about something, and I do it because I don't want to feel."
Bobby Lee [03:24]: "He said it meant more to him that Ian Wright played for the country of England than when he flew over Buckingham Palace."
Andrew Santino [05:03]: "But Russia and China gave..."
Bobby Lee [18:29]: "George is actually right. You know, I did a week so family could come say goodbye to you."
Andrew Santino [45:30]: "So this is an emergency kit. So what I do is at the LAX or whatever. Right, so I just..."
Bobby Lee [61:08]: "I would slowly poison her. Because you know what I mean?"
Bobby Lee [73:45]: "We are officially... setting up the studio in Pahrump, Nevada."
Andrew Santino [75:07]: "We'll have a happy New Year, everybody."
Recommendations: For fans who missed this episode, "One Good Korean" is a must-listen, offering a rich blend of heartfelt discussions and comedic relief. Whether you're tuning in for personal growth insights or simply to share a laugh with friends, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino deliver an engaging and memorable podcast experience.