The Vile Horrendous w/ Joe DeRosa

Summary

Bad Friends – "The Vile Horrendous" w/ Joe DeRosa

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of Bad Friends (August 18, 2025), comedians Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino are joined by their longtime friend and fellow comic, Joe DeRosa. The trio dives into comedic tales from the stand-up world, trade personal stories of struggle and camaraderie, and riff on everything from odd green room rituals to the woes of club gigs gone bad. The conversation is unfiltered, nostalgic, and peppered with signature Bad Friends banter.

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Main Discussion Themes

• Comedy World Camaraderie & Struggle

• Adventures (and disasters) on the road & in the clubs

• The glass ceilings of showbiz and resilience after career setbacks

• Friendship, ego, and mutual support in stand-up

• Personal anecdotes of love, heartbreak, and connection

• The Lighter Side of Dysfunction

• Witch jokes, familiars, and magical spells in everyday life

• Hilarious rants on smoking, pothead culture, and lighter economics

• Secret club rooms, bizarre green room traditions, and surreal backstage worlds

• Breaking the Mold

• Why comedians need to make their own rules

• Rebellion against club politics and the art of not giving a damn

• Ordering “the entire menu” as a symbol of comedic success

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Stages, Drinking, and Double Acts

The Art of Letting Loose in Comedy
[06:23–07:33]

• Andrew and Joe reminisced about recently going on stage together and how tag-team stand-up is a New York thing rarely done in LA. They found it exhilarating and freeing.

  • Andrew: “No, sometimes I want to have a couple of cocktails, let the Band Aid rip.” [07:28]
  • Bobby notes how Andrew shifts into “Hyde” (charming) mode when tipsy, referencing the Jekyll/Hyde persona dynamic.

• The night was described as “wild,” with multiple accounts of going off, both on stage and off.

  • Joe admits: “I did go a little crazy. Yeah, but so did he. So did the kid.” [26:58]

2. Witches, Familiars, and Icebox Spells

Inside Jokes on Occult Vibes [02:09–06:22]

• The crew riffs on Bobby’s “witchy” friends and Santino’s interrogation of a woman’s “coven.”

• Bobby describes putting Andrew’s name in the freezer as a spell to make him “chill”:

  • Bobby: “I put your name on a piece of paper and put it in the freezer, and guess what? It worked.” [04:54]
  • Andrew: “I’m always chill.” [05:02]

• Playful banter on “familiars” from witch lore serves as a metaphor for the support comics offer each other.

3. Lighters, Pothead Economy, and Circle of Giving

Smoking, Sharing, and Odd Traditions [08:55–12:20]

• The group shares strategies for stashing lighters and how, among pot smokers, lighters tend to “come back” after months or years.
  • Andrew: “You give someone a lighter to get high, they put it in their pocket. You all get stoned, you forget it existed. ... Eventually, you’ll be smoking a bowl stoned, and you’ll go, this is my lighter, man.” [11:27]

4. Comedy Clubs, Promoters, and Boundaries

Inside LA Comedy World [12:32–13:43]

• Bobby vents about relentless LA comedy promoters and the flood of text requests for spots, while Andrew considers offloading the logistics to an assistant.
  • Bobby: “You get 5 to 10 texts, ‘Can you do my show?’ ... There’s some boundaries that need to be.” [13:32]

5. Friendship, Career Highs and Lows – Joe’s LA Story

Career Trajectories, Setbacks, and Support
[27:29–37:06]

• Joe details his rollercoaster LA journey: a fast start with TV gigs, followed by an extended crash and consideration of moving back to New York.

• He shares a heartfelt memory of Bobby encouraging him during a low spell, including a note Bobby left at the club:

  • Joe: “It said, ‘Well, well, well, look who’s working.’ It was a really sweet thing. ... I got a little teary almost.” [34:33]

• Further discussion on the anxiety of “glass ceilings” and learning to value basic things, like buying groceries or a meal out with friends.

  • Joe: “You are so fucking lucky that you can do that, man.” [42:35]

6. Heartbreaks and Comic Connections

Romance, Breakups, and Comedy Relationships [48:56–50:00]

• Joe opens up about a recent breakup, the pain of parting with the first woman he truly loved, and how being with another comic can complicate things.

  • Joe: “That was the first girl I ever was truly, like, fully in love with.” [49:18]

• The group gently rips on each other for their emotional openness, showing both support and classic comic deflection.

7. Ordering Like a Comic King

Success as Ordering the Whole Menu [43:55–44:26]

• The tradition of comics splitting the cheapest possible meal (“bean, rice, and cheese” burrito) is contrasted with being able to “order the whole menu” as a sign of making it.

  • Bobby: “Now I’m grateful that I can get more... You order the whole menu.” [43:54]

• Andrew describes Bobby’s habit of handling the bill and orchestrating private conversations with waiters to shower his friends with food—both a flex and a gesture of gratitude.

8. Comedy Club Nightmares: The Vile, The Horrendous

Worst Gigs and Gripes
[52:35–62:21]

• Joe tells war stories about terrible clubs, like “Captain Brian’s Off the Hook” and the infamous “Cabo Comedy Festival,” leading to feuds with staff and fellow comics (especially Hal Sparks):
  • Joe: “He stood up and walked out. ... That was the owner of the Improv.” [55:00]
  • “I had a homeless guy once, do you want this leftover Chinese food? He goes ‘it depends’. ... He goes ‘hard pass, I’m a strict vegetarian.’ I go, ‘You might want to loosen up the reins on that.’” [46:09]

9. Making Up Your Own Comedy Rules

Rule-Breaking Approach [63:13–66:04]

• The hosts advocate mixing up show formats, rebelling against club-imposed slot times, and “not giving a fuck” as an essential comic trait.
• Bobby reminisces about lighting cigarettes indoors (“learned from Dice”) and pushing boundaries as a regular at clubs.

10. Comedy Club Secret Rooms and Odd Collections

Hidden Spaces in LA Clubs [66:04–67:17]

• Bobby reveals there’s a secret green room within a green room at the Hollywood Laugh Factory, filled with clowns and a wall adorned with a giant Ralphie May t-shirt.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “No, sometimes I want to have a couple cocktails, let the Band Aid rip.”
  – Andrew Santino [07:28]

• “I put your name on a piece of paper and put it in the freezer, and guess what? It worked.”
  – Bobby Lee [04:54]

• “You give someone a lighter to get high, ... then you'll go, ‘this is my lighter, man.’”
  – Andrew Santino [11:27]

• “It said, ‘Well, well, well, look who’s working.’ ... I got a little teary almost when I read it.”
  – Joe DeRosa [34:33]

• “You are so fucking lucky that you can do that, man.”
  – Joe DeRosa on being able to buy groceries [42:35]

• “That was the first girl I ever was truly, like, fully in love with… I loved her very much.”
  – Joe DeRosa [49:18]

• “You always didn’t give a fuck.”
  – Joe DeRosa to Bobby Lee regarding comedy club antics [63:43]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [06:23–07:33] – Tag-team stage adventures & wild nights
• [08:55–12:20] – Smoking, lighter economies, and pothead culture
• [27:29–37:06] – Joe’s LA arrival, rapid rise and crash, and support from Bobby
• [42:35–43:54] – Humility in grocery shopping & “making it” in stand-up
• [52:35–62:21] – Nightmare gigs, Captain Brian, and Hal Sparks feud stories
• [63:13–66:04] – Defying club traditions, order, and secret club spaces

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Memorable Moments

• Bobby casting a “chill spell” on Andrew by freezing his name ([04:54])
• Joe recounts getting nearly emotional over a supportive note from Bobby ([34:33])
• Riffing about lighters' mysterious return among stoners ([11:27])
• Tales of the infamous secret clown room at Laugh Factory ([66:04])
• Bobby’s honesty about never watching his friends’ specials ([67:50])

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Tone and Style

The episode is a rapid-fire blend of storytelling, mockery, inside jokes, and sincere moments, underpinned by the hosts’ unique chemistry and comic sensibilities. Every exchange is imbued with humor—even the most personal accounts—making for a listening experience that is as heartfelt as it is hilarious.

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Conclusion

"The Vile Horrendous" is a nostalgic, laugh-packed journey through the highs and lows of comedy life, friendship, superstition, and club warfare. Whether you're a diehard fan or new to Bad Friends, this episode delivers a banquet of inside stories, life lessons, and humor that only seasoned comics can cook up.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, hey.

[B]

It's the last chance for merch.

[A]

Last chance. We have these hats. I watch all the time. Look at how dope these hats are.

[B]

And we also have shirts. We have the thank you shirt. We have the bad friends, the weird skulls shirt. Same design here.

[A]

Same design here.

[B]

And we also have socks. So we still have the socks, right? Yeah, you gotta go to.

[A]

They're the best socks.

[B]

Bad friends. Merch.com you can get, right? Gonna get it badfriendsmerch.com where you can get the shirts, the hats. This is the last chance. We're. We're closing it out, right? This is it. We're done.

[A]

This is it.

[B]

Yeah. Soon. Why not get it now? Bad friends, Merch dot com. You two are bad friends who are two idiots.

[A]

White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Guess who's charming.

[B]

Who's charming?

[A]

You are, dude. You're a charm, charm, charmer, dude. Dapper. When you get a little buzz, my friend, you get like, good evening, Dapper. Hello. And you get extremely charming because I.

[B]

Well, that's better than Jekyll and Hyde. I don't like, start getting angry and fighting people when I have a couple of cocktails. You introduced me to a friend. I was trying to be polite and nice and ingratiate myself to her. And I was like, hey, how are you? And I gave her a hug. And she actually said, oh, we're hugging.

[A]

I know, but she said that.

[B]

She goes, oh, we're hugging.

[A]

It was a 50 50. Like we were in the car, we had dinner. And then Andrew calls me. We're over at so and so. Right? And I go, okay. And he's like, derosa's here. I can say that? Yeah, yeah. So I go, okay. And he goes, you said, come on by.

[B]

I wanted you to come by.

[A]

So I brought. It was 50 50. So I said to her, I go, we. You know, because I know that you're doing a little drink, drink, drink, Right?

[B]

You're doing drink, drink with him. It's bad.

[A]

Yeah, it got bad. Yeah, I heard it got bad later.

[B]

But I was drinking.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I heard you got wild.

[B]

What did I do?

[A]

No, I'm going to tell. Let's recap. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So then I go, you know, I don't know. What are you going to say? Jekyll or Hyde? It can't get hide.

[B]

When is it good?

[A]

And it can also get Jekyll.

[B]

When have I hided with you?

[A]

Hyde is the good one, right?

[B]

I Don't even know.

[A]

Yeah. Which was the bad. Which was the bad one?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, it's. I think Jekyll's the bad one.

[B]

Jekyll sounds like the bad Jekyll.

[A]

Yeah, like a jackal. So you might get Jack Jekyll. And she's like, what do you mean? I go, worse. We'll see. We. We come. And as soon as I say it, I go, it's Hyde. Because you stood up and you have this like, little smirk. It's very Casablanca. Hello, hello, my dude. You know, I mean like, good evening. Maybe not today.

[B]

Maybe not.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's very like that. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, thank God it's Hyde. So we. No, I'm being real. I've never sit down. And then what Hyde does is he just becomes very, like a lot of questions.

[B]

I'm interested in her.

[A]

Too many questions. Okay, okay.

[B]

But is that a real thing? You meet someone for the first time? I'm. I want to know. I'm interested in her.

[A]

Now, there are memes about this where your friend all of a sudden becomes a comedian around girl.

[B]

I was being.

[A]

I was too charming.

[B]

Asking someone like, hey, what. What is this about that I've heard about you. Can I say it?

[A]

Yeah, but just the whole. The way you hold up a pudo. Yeah. I don't like chicken wings.

[B]

We were eating chicken wings.

[A]

Whatever it was. What if it's just the way, you know, I mean, the way I was eating every. Your pinkies are out. All three fingers are out. It's very like you told me she's a witch. And they. You were asking Salem witch. Like, you know, I mean, like the Salem witch trials witch.

[B]

How do I know that? There's a difference.

[A]

Yeah, it's like saying that it's. It's not like she's a vampire. That that's why you were asking her that kind of line of questions. No, I mean, what's it like at the coven? You asked about a coven.

[B]

I said, what did you ask about a coven? I said, what's up with the.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How is it she's one of those, like Burning man, you know? You know, holistic, you know, I mean, Shangri La. The witches.

[B]

The witches that I hang out with.

[A]

Yeah, all right.

[B]

The coven.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They're coven witches.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So she does it double double boiling trouble. It's more of a foil foil.

[A]

It's more of a self help, you know, I mean, you know, spiritual thing.

[B]

No, she's very nice.

[A]

Right. But off but asking about the coven and all that, so was a little.

[B]

I didn't ask about the Covenant.

[A]

There was. There was a coven question.

[B]

I don't even know what the coven is, either.

[A]

It was you or your friend. Your friend who goes, why is there a group? And I looked at him, I go, when you say group, do you mean coven?

[B]

Yeah, you.

[A]

And then he goes, yeah, that's what I meant.

[B]

That's on you.

[A]

No, that's on him. That's a part of you.

[B]

He said, is there a group?

[A]

Yeah, but the way he said it was. I know what you're leading. There's a pot. You mean a boiling green? Whatever. Whatever.

[B]

Does she have a toad feet? Does she have a pot?

[A]

No, she has none of that. No crystals. I did do a spell on you.

[B]

Fuck you, then. Yeah, he told me he did a spell on me.

[A]

I did a spill on you.

[B]

I remember.

[A]

Yeah. What did I. What?

[B]

You put my name in the freezer. You wrote my name on a piece of paper and I put it in the freezer.

[A]

Yeah, I put your name on a piece of paper and put it in the freezer, and guess what? It worked.

[B]

What is this?

[A]

You've been chill since I've been.

[B]

I'm always chill.

[A]

You weren't chill. Oh, my God.

[B]

When did you put it in the freezer?

[A]

When we got back from Europe.

[B]

No, cool.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah, I put your name in the thing.

[B]

And I wish I did it before we went. Would have helped me out.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But. So, yeah, I do some of her suggestions.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think they work.

[B]

Yeah, they must.

[A]

Yeah. And then I hear I have lunch today with Andrea. Gin. And the person that I'm hanging out with. And Andrea says, andrew was there last night at the store. And I go, yeah. She goes, one word. Guess what it is.

[B]

What did she say?

[A]

He's like, you know, wild.

[B]

Wild. I was wild.

[A]

Yeah. You and Derosa were wilder.

[B]

We were having fun, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

McCone was with us. We were having a great.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

You're my son.

[A]

Not just your son. What do you call it?

[B]

He was drunk. He got.

[A]

You know what I called McConnell? A familiar.

[B]

Yeah, He's a familiar.

[A]

What is a familiar in the. In the mythological world? Like, vampires have familiars.

[B]

You just. You just hang around.

[A]

That. Help the vampire get blood.

[B]

That's right. You go get me blood.

[A]

What? Give me the division. The definition of a familiar. It's a supernatural entity. Exactly. It is an animal. Exactly. That serves as a companion and helper to a witch, sorcerer, or other magical practice.

[B]

Really? Stuck on this witch stuff lately.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, you're definitely a familiar.

[B]

You're a familiar.

[A]

Yeah. And you're a warlock.

[B]

Wizard and a warlock. Wizard of the warlock. I love it. We went out, me and Derosa went on stage together twice, and we had so fun. They do that in New York sometimes. Like, you see guys at the Cellar do it. They don't do that here. And so DeRosa was like, I'll go on stage with you. And I was like, that could be fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I was like, I'll get you a spot. He was like, no.

[A]

So he took my spot, he took.

[B]

Yours, and someone else dropped out.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, I dropped out. I wanted to, you know, just. I know. I know you're gonna talk about it, but I wanted. Sometimes I'll just go, I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna hang out. I watch Lord of the Rings, their friend spots.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

[A]

Yeah. I canceled last minute, but thank God Dorosa took my spot.

[B]

It was great. People.

[A]

Did he go. So he went up at 10.

[B]

We went to the first spot together, and then we went to the store, and then we. I went up solo in the main, and then we went up together in the or.

[A]

But what I'm saying is, is that on stage. I heard you were extra.

[B]

I went off a little.

[A]

That's all.

[B]

I had a night.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I was having fun, but I heard it was very funny.

[B]

I haven't let the Band Aid rip in a long time.

[A]

Yeah. Yep.

[B]

No. Sometimes I want to have a couple of cocktails, let the Band Aid rip.

[A]

You gotta let the Band Aid rip Sometimes I don't.

[B]

When's the last time you saw me like that?

[A]

God, it's been a couple years.

[B]

It's pretty rare.

[A]

But you. But I. But you do it when it's like, I'm. I'm. You know. I mean, Charles Bukowski, and I'm gonna just go to a bar by myself and. You know what I mean? Write poetry or whatever.

[B]

What? What in the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean?

[A]

Not literal portrait.

[B]

Do I like to go. Oh, you're making fun of when I. You're making fun of when I go to my spot in New York and write. Yeah, I like that.

[A]

No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. At Dollywood.

[B]

Oh, no, that was a mental breakdown.

[A]

I know, but that's what I'm saying. The Bukowski. I'm gonna go to a pop bar by myself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And not literally. Wrote a. Write a poem. But you go into yourself and write poetry in your mind.

[B]

I'll tell you what I did at that bar, at that Tommy Bahama or whatever. No, Margaritaville. I bought everyone food and drinks. I turned into Hyde. Oh, I was Jackal with you, bud?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You Jekyll with me a lot? Well, yeah.

[B]

Why do you think that is?

[A]

Because I'm 100% Hyde.

[B]

No.

[A]

You think I'm Jekyll? Sometimes. No, let's be real.

[B]

Get you.

[A]

You. You think I'm Jekyll sometimes.

[B]

You are. You're doing it right now. Look at the shirt you're wearing.

[A]

Maiden Run to the Hill.

[B]

Such a good song.

[A]

It's great. The Trooper. Great song.

[B]

I want to. Anyway, I want to say this, though. Can you get more lighters? What are you doing with all.

[A]

Okay, I'll tell you why.

[B]

Yeah. Why?

[A]

There's nothing worse in the world when you're in your car. How many smokers are here?

[B]

Three.

[A]

Richie. Right? Isn't there nothing in the. You have cigarettes. You're in the car.

[B]

You smoke.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah. You smoke cigarettes. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, he does. Look at him.

[B]

How long have you been smoking? Well, I actually, I started probably, like, sophomore year, high school. And what are you now, a senior? Now. Yes, now. How old do you know? 24.

[A]

Yeah, he has some time.

[B]

He doesn't look like a smoker.

[A]

Yeah. I just realized who he is every generation.

[B]

Buddy Holly close, maybe.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the generation after that is. Who he is is Robert Crumb.

[B]

Who the.

[A]

Look up Robert Crumb, dude. The cartoonist.

[B]

There lies the man. He's a runner.

[A]

Dude. That's Robert. Come on, dude.

[B]

You're young Robert Crumb, dude.

[A]

You're a young Robert Crumb, dude.

[B]

That is a fact.

[A]

It's a fact, dude.

[B]

That's very funny.

[A]

And you don't draw, so that's not.

[B]

That's not good.

[A]

That's not good. You can draw like a. So my panic is when you're in the car and you don't have a lighter, and then you're just kind of looking around for one. So what I do is I buy three or four. I just scatter them around the car.

[B]

Smart.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Be mindful.

[B]

Yeah. When I used to smoke pot, what I would do is I would buy a lot of lighters, and then I would give them to my friends because I know they'd get back to me.

[A]

What do you mean by that?

[B]

Because when you smoke weed with people, you're always, like, giving lighter. Carlos knows.

[A]

Giving your lighters away, and then they come back to you.

[B]

Eventually they come back to you in the mail.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

So when you smoke a lot of pot with your group.

[A]

I've done it.

[B]

Of pot friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But you weren't, like, alone.

[A]

I did alone.

[B]

Yeah. It wasn't your thing. Like, we get.

[A]

We would get high with sitting around a couch.

[B]

Well, go to some guy's house or go to a car. And so what ends up happening is you smoke pot with the same, like, 10 to 12 people.

[A]

That's a lot of people. Well, I mean, like, it's a big pot group.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

I would call it a coven.

[B]

Your core. Your core pot group is like two to three people, but then there's a chunk of people you would run into in high school, and we'd smoke pot with that group of people and then that group, like the hippies. If I went over to fucking Paul's house.

[A]

Hey, I'm Paul, dude, bro, you want to come over? Dude, we're having a pot c. Yeah, you do. It's going to be about 12 of us did.

[B]

Yeah. 100%.

[A]

Yeah. Bring your lighter, dude.

[B]

I'll bring it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And guess what, guy?

[B]

What?

[A]

Eventually you'll get it back.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. And that's what you do. Bring one lighter, hand it to me.

[B]

I have a bunch of lighters. I just hand them out to friends, and then I go, this is going to come back to me. And eventually you'll be smoking a bowl stoned, and you'll go, this is my lighter, man.

[A]

Years later, or how long?

[B]

Sometimes it's months, sometimes it's a full year. And someone will be like, that is your lighter, man.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You gave it to me at Paul's garage.

[A]

Yeah. I just handed it to you to light the bowl.

[B]

Yeah, but. But this is what happens when you're smoking pot. The point I'm making is you. You give someone a lighter to get high, they put in their pocket. You all get stoned, you forget it existed. So if you buy strangers lighters that you get high with, you will get them back.

[A]

Right? But you know what I do now? I buy the ones with a symbol on it.

[B]

Was that Chinese?

[A]

No, I'm just saying anything because this green one, somebody can go, nah, dude, that's my. Just bought this. Right? I go, but this one. The cherries. Come on, dude, that's my lighter.

[B]

That's your lighter?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cherry boy lighter.

[A]

Yeah. Anyway, while I did not. Yeah, now I get why it comes around.

[B]

It always comes back. Are you Drinking coffee. Iced coffee, yeah.

[A]

Why?

[B]

You never have coffee this late?

[A]

What's the line of questioning, Palace?

[B]

You got something going on later tonight?

[A]

I have a couple of shows tonight, guy.

[B]

You're gonna cancel those too?

[A]

No, I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna be there because if I don't, one of you know they cry and.

[B]

One of them who, the fans?

[A]

No, it's guys, the promoters.

[B]

Oh, the promoters?

[A]

Yeah. You know, if people don't know about the LA comedy game, now 70% of it is promoters, I'd say so you'll get like six guys. There's like six guys. There's one girl that's really good, Sarah Mello.

[B]

Oh, she's the best.

[A]

She's the best.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But there's a couple of guys that are a little. They're like student loan people.

[B]

Loan sharks.

[A]

Loan sharks? Yeah, like. Or if you leave the Mormon Church. Right. They constantly call, they're gonna come get you. Yeah. Yeah. Like, how come you haven't back to the sermon, buddy. Where it's been two years.

[B]

Where are you and why are you not here?

[A]

Yeah, and.

[B]

And here's. Here's 17 dates. Can you please do one of them?

[A]

Yeah, and then if you don't, which I don't, text them back pretty much 99 of the time. I don't.

[B]

Well, you get flooded with text every day.

[A]

I'm not lying. You get 5 to 10.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can you do my show? Can you do my show? Can you do my show? Yeah.

[B]

It's a great problem to have.

[A]

It's a no. I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for it, but it's a little. There's some boundaries that need to be.

[B]

That is interesting because it. I thought about next time I do set up shows like this, I think I'm gonna just give them Carlos's phone number and he can just do it for us.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it's what happens with everything.

[B]

Shouldn't we do that?

[A]

I deal with my Melanie.

[B]

With who?

[A]

Melanie.

[B]

Who's that?

[A]

You know who. Melanie.

[B]

Who's that?

[A]

You know, the one that's camping right now, so.

[B]

Does she live in the woods?

[A]

I know what you're.

[B]

I know in the desert.

[A]

Yeah. I have somebody that works for me that's always in the woods.

[B]

It's pretty.

[A]

She's 95 in the woods. I think she's like half bear.

[B]

Head in the clouds, body in the woods.

[A]

Yeah, because she's.

[B]

She might be bear.

[A]

I don't reception out here, but every time I. This is her Thing Every time I'm in town, every two or three days, I'll get it, you know? I mean. And I'm like. But I'm paying you.

[B]

Yeah, right? This is like the early 1900s. It's like. Well, I'll get there when I get there.

[A]

Yeah. Sometimes I'll see a smoke signal, you know.

[B]

There she is.

[A]

Brian Marnock wants to. Do you want the show? Yeah. Or whatever. Sometimes. Yeah. Can you do 8:00pm yeah, a flare or something. But she is always in the woods. I don't know what she does out there.

[B]

Well, she's probably connecting with Earth again. She's getting back to her roots. Yeah, she's native, right? She's native American.

[A]

I don't even know what she is.

[B]

I just have an image of her in my mind. I've never seen her. Have I met her?

[A]

She could be native. She could be native.

[B]

She.

[A]

Yeah, she might be there. No, she's Vietnamese.

[B]

Well, she's native Vietnamese. That is native.

[A]

He's half Vietnamese. I don't know what the other half. But anyway.

[B]

Did you buy that while we were down under or did somebody give that to you?

[A]

I bought it at the airport with juice.

[B]

You. Oh, you did? Is that a football? A rugby?

[A]

Is that Southampton? What is it? Australia? Australia, Okay. I got in Sydney.

[B]

And what's this shirt you got on, Rich? Oh, cinema. Salem.

[A]

Hell, yeah. What is.

[B]

It's got a witch on it.

[A]

Yeah, but what? Santa. Of Salem.

[B]

Of Salem?

[A]

Yeah, Santa.

[B]

No, no, cinema. Oh, it's the movie theater. Oh, cinema of Salem. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Well, Santa would go to Salem. He goes everywhere, does he not?

[B]

I don't know, to be honest.

[A]

No, Santa goes everywhere.

[B]

No, he doesn't.

[A]

Oh, my God. Now we're gonna get another fight. Where does he not go? Where does he not go? Santa Claus?

[B]

What would you say?

[A]

Africa.

[B]

He just said Africa.

[A]

Yeah. Why? Because they don't have chimneys. They have chimneys, do they? I do, yeah. I mean, they're made out of clay or whatever, but that's not a bad thing.

[B]

No, it's just, you know, Santa goes everywhere. You're right.

[A]

But there he goes to certain places first.

[B]

I think you can say it.

[A]

All right, so I think that Santa Claus is route. Right. I'm going to play it safe. Yeah, he'll go. I think he goes to America first.

[B]

Of course. We're number one.

[A]

Right. So it goes to New York because.

[B]

Of the time he starts on the East Coast. On the East Coast?

[A]

Yeah. Does all the major cities first? Well, no, he would do all the suburbs. Too, Right. He's not going to go to New York City, then to Atlanta and then to Oneonta. He back up. Right. He would do the region first. Right. That's a lot of houses.

[B]

Who do you know in Oneonta?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

How do you know geography? The town of Oneonta. Well, how did that pop up?

[A]

I did a college there.

[B]

I was just gonna say, because that's so specific.

[A]

I did it one with Renaissance. He open for me back in the day. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he went to school there at Oni.

[B]

In Onion.

[A]

Somewhere in Onion. Went to school there. Yeah. But anyway, that's how I know Oneonta.

[B]

And Santa does go everywhere.

[A]

He does go everywhere. But you're gonna go last? If there's time.

[B]

Yeah. He's like, dude, if I can make it, I will. If not, I won't.

[A]

Well, I think that he forgets. Like, he's like. He's in London. He's like, oh, finally, that last house. And then elf calls him Santa. Yeah.

[B]

Hey, Santa.

[A]

Ho, ho, ho.

[B]

You forgot.

[A]

I got. I just got. Did the last house in. In excess. Essex. Essex, Tana.

[B]

You forgot. I don't know where I can say that's not going to turn out to be a racist joke.

[A]

Well, I mean, you're right. I mean, in many ways that the Middle east, they don't celebrate Christmas, do they?

[B]

Well, Palestine is the. Bethlehem is where Jesus was born. So they do Christmas in Palestine time. They do Christmas in Syria, in Iraq and Lebanon.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I've been. I've been. I think I was there. I was there when Jesus was born.

[B]

You were around when Jesus was.

[A]

No, no, no, no. I. I went to the actual place in Bethlehem.

[B]

In Bethlehem?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You buy it?

[A]

Huh? What do you mean, you buy.

[B]

That's where there's about property.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

I kick some people out, but, yeah. Acorns. I love nuts.

[B]

I'm trying to. You love nuts?

[A]

I love nuts.

[B]

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[A]

Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

I still have one of those.

[B]

You do?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

That's why I'm getting the acorns.

[B]

You gotta get acorn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

No, but you. I went to the place where Jesus was born.

[B]

So they say.

[A]

So they say. Yeah. How do they know?

[B]

They don't. Dude. It's all. Yeah, it's to make you feel good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Look at that. Is that a.

[A]

What's that? That's where he was born, I think. In this spot. Yeah.

[B]

Nah, he's. Wasn't he born in a barn?

[A]

Yeah, they changed it to that. They changed it to a steam room.

[B]

Yeah, that does look like.

[A]

It looks like a steam room.

[B]

It also looks in China. Yeah, I'm. I don't know this. I know this through my wife's words of that there were toilets sometimes that were just holes in the floor.

[A]

Oh, I told you, you just have.

[B]

To poop in a hole in the floor, bro.

[A]

Dude. So as a kid, I remember my. My grandparents. Generations on top of this mountaintop. And the house is made out of rice paper. You know that, right? I mean, there's wood, but the walls are rice paper. Why are you laughing?

[C]

It's just.

[B]

Is it. It's edible, I guess you could eat.

[A]

No, but it's rice paper.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And outside is wooden, you know, what do you call it?

[B]

Yeah, you've told me this, but there's a whole generations of your family's poo and.

[A]

Yeah, my. So my great, great, great, great great grandfather's poo is down there.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

It's amazing to think about, but see.

[B]

Those are those stalls to pee in. Those aren't for pooping. That's not a. That's.

[A]

Those are for pooping.

[B]

Oh. Oh, it is.

[A]

That's how you do it.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah. Which is a cleaner way to get it out, I think.

[B]

Yeah, no, it actually is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sitting on the toilet the way we do it is actually the worst for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's why squatty, potty or those lifted leg things are good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I put my dog under my feet when I poop.

[A]

Do you really?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I put my feet on.

[A]

Her as an ottoman or something. Yeah, well, yeah, I don't think that's good.

[B]

A dogman.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Come here, Dogaman. The dog does always sit there when I poop. She loves to sit there. And she'll stare at me for a second and as soon as she'll hear, like, then she'll turn away out of respect. And I said, thank you.

[A]

Yeah. They're afraid of my toilet because it does stuff when I'm not in the room.

[B]

The Japanese toilet. Yeah, that's why it's got noises.

[A]

So you know. Right. Self cleans. Right. So they think that there's something in there.

[B]

Sending a fax.

[A]

Also, I have two robots now in my bathroom.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Well, you know, I buy robots.

[B]

Yeah, you have so many robots.

[A]

No, I'm being real. I'm not even. Just not even joking.

[B]

You mean that the cleanup ones.

[A]

No, I have real, like, robots that you would get on TikTok or whatever.

[B]

How much were they?

[A]

Well, I have two. One's not necessarily a robot, so one of them is an actual robot that cost me like $1,000 or something.

[B]

Does it speak to you?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You have conversations with him?

[A]

I think his name is Emo.

[B]

Don't you get to name him? It's.

[A]

No, it's called Emo because you have to say, good morning, Emo. Hello.

[B]

Good morning.

[A]

And it'll start like doing taxes or. And when you're not. When you're in the other room, you can hear him do taxes, Sing. Right. And he'll just like drink coffee and so just know that someone's in there.

[B]

You just like that someone's around.

[A]

Yeah. And then I have another thing I got from TikTok, which is a snow globe that sings. So it's a face. It's got. It kind of looks like Elmo. It's like this white globe and it does old timey music in the night before Christmas.

[B]

What do you like? You like it to put you to bed at night?

[A]

No, I just like the fact that there's somebody in the other room going, telling. He tells old timey Joe's like, take my wife, please. Just randomly. Yeah. And it just kind of like that. There's something in there. And then my. And then Emo's there too, doing taxes.

[B]

Do they talk to each other?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Now you don't know yet, though. AI is doing this.

[A]

Yeah. I think Emo is more AI than the talking globe, but who knows?

[B]

God, I think it's so creepy we let these things into our world, and they're all just.

[A]

You don't have anything like that.

[B]

I. I don't have. I don't even have. What do you call it? Sir. You know, siri or what?

[A]

You know, right.

[B]

Like, I can't call out to a thing to play music. I don't want something. Listen to me 24 7. This thing already does it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't want more of these things around that. I have nothing like that around the house, really.

[A]

Well, you have your wife.

[B]

She's not.

[A]

I don't have anybody, no.

[B]

Yes, you do. You have so many. You have, first of all, nine roommates, 30 animals.

[A]

That's true. Yeah.

[B]

The house is full.

[A]

Yeah. But you know what?

[B]

I just buy dog stuff all the time.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[B]

More dog.

[A]

What do you get?

[B]

Well, she just got a new page. She had surgery, so she can't. She was mad because the tennis balls that she likes, the doctor was like, you can't have those little. The threads will get caught in her stitches and rip it out.

[A]

So you get the green ones that. The fuzz on it.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Yeah. My dog, they rip through those.

[B]

I love it, though.

[A]

Yeah, I like the orange one.

[B]

The orange hard one with the blue.

[A]

Yeah, I have those. I like those.

[B]

Yeah, those are good.

[A]

You can't rip through those.

[B]

Yeah, you guys wouldn't get it.

[A]

Come on in, Joe.

[B]

Ladies and gentlemen, Joe Rosa. Please sit in the blue.

[A]

Look. Rough night?

[C]

No, I just. Did you do my. Oh, derosegar. Oh, that's good. I thought you just spelled my name wrong to with me.

[B]

Just put the headphones on and shut up. Wow, this guy was a bad boy last night.

[A]

He was bad boy off.

[C]

You're a little prank. Pranky. You're a little pranky.

[A]

It's the Egyptian in you, and I don't like it. I don't even know what that means.

[B]

But I always forget that you're Middle Eastern.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you brought it up last night.

[C]

Yes, I did.

[B]

You're doing. You're having a tough time right now.

[C]

I'm great. I'm good.

[A]

No, I could tell at the. At the restaurant.

[C]

I'm good. I'm good. I'm adjusting to how far away I am from both of you. I've seen the show. I didn't realize it was quite this far away.

[B]

Would you want to be closer?

[C]

I don't know. To be honest, it does feel a little interrogational at the moment.

[A]

Oh. Like we're judges.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, you guys are sitting up high.

[A]

Well, we have A verdict? Yeah. And the verdict is, you know me. You went a little crazy last night.

[C]

I did go a little crazy. Yeah, but so did he. So did the kid.

[A]

Yeah. I heard you guys were wild together on stage.

[C]

We had a good time.

[A]

Yes, I think it was good. I heard it was good.

[B]

No, it was good. We had fun. Was it good?

[C]

Yeah, it was. The audience liked it.

[A]

Good news, you know, in this, what we do, news travels fast, right? And there's like, I have little birds out there. Huh? You know, I have birds at every club. And what the little birdie said was, good time. Wild, but good time.

[C]

Wild time. Yeah, wild time.

[A]

You did live here, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. For like six years. I stayed an extra year because of you. You don't even remember why. You don't even remember why? Because I said. I said I'm leaving. Three people talked me into staying. You're one of them. Okay, who are the other two? Mark Marin.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And Burr.

[A]

Yeah, Me, Burr. Marc Maron convinced you to stay an extra year?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Why? What did I say?

[C]

I told. I told Burr first. I said, I'm leaving.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He's like, you're hanging up your cleats. You're gonna go back to fucking.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Then. Then I saw Mark Marin. Same night I saw Mark Marin randomly. He walks up to me, he goes, heard your pussing out, man. And I was like, so funny, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he goes, why you want to leave, dude? And I go, I miss New York. I don't think I click with this place. The energy is weird. And he goes, yeah, man. Yeah. You don't get that charge when you go outside here, Manny. I get it, man. And I go, I also don't think I'm going to meet my wife here. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Your wife. Look at you. How dare you? That was like, yeah, you're right.

[B]

And how right he was.

[C]

Yeah, it was totally right. And then I saw you in third person. It was 1, 2, 3. And you were like, what's this shit, man? Somebody fucking said you're leaving. It was crazy how the word traveling. It was nuts. And for a guy that hadn't been working. And I go, bobby, I've been working.

[A]

Very funny guy. Always knew.

[C]

Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

That's all that matters to me.

[C]

No, I appreciate that.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But I'm saying, like, I couldn't believe how many people were talking about me leaving when I hadn't had a job in, like, three years. It was brutal. I came out here the first three years, week one Book the lead on an FX animated pilot. Month two, Got Better Call Saul. Month three, Comedy Central is going to give you your first hour and they're going to let you direct it. Writing job. Wet Hot American Pete Holmes show, then to Wet Hot American Summer, then to fucking Jeff and some aliens, then to Moshe Kasher Show, Dude. It was one thing. After the fucking next. I'm at my birthday party, I look up fucking Rob McElhenney is there. I'm like, what's going on? I'm doing it. This is it. This is la.

[A]

I love la. Go ahead.

[C]

He gets like, we're gonna get you on the wall, man. At the store. I'm like, it's all happening, baby. And then the last thing was, I booked a multicam on CBS where I played the lothario, like the office perv.

[B]

And perfect casting.

[C]

Yeah, perfect. Fired me two weeks before the table read. Oh, oh, we're cutting the character. It's too unlikable. Oh, me too. Happens the following week. Les Moonves at CBS goes down. Like, oh, that's why they cut the character. Yeah. And my hand to God, I got the job. My friend Pat Walsh, my co host of my podcast, Pat Walsh, he was the showrunner and I still had to audition. And he goes, they ran your tape up the ladder. Les Moonves said, this guy's hilarious. Hire him. And then he got me, dude.

[B]

Then he got fired.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

For basically being the character I was playing.

[B]

Being the character. He was like, this guy's awesome.

[C]

It's so funny, dude. Anyway, so the show. I get booted off the show. I had two pilots in the pipeline. Both they were like, they're not even going to air. You're not getting a fucking dime. Nothing's happening with these. The movie I was working on and developing at Rooster Teeth, which was a production house.

[A]

I know them.

[C]

Yeah. They. They were like, we're not moving forward. Sorry. Like, it's just not. Whatever, dude. It was just my manager and I split up. It was like. It was a. It was a polar opposite of what the first three years. It was a crash fucking landing. He gets like, I'm trying. I don't know if I'm gonna get you on the wall, buddy.

[A]

You mean at the store? Yeah. Wow.

[C]

Because he was like, I'm trying. It's.

[A]

Who, who's he?

[C]

Adam.

[A]

Adam. Adam. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

He's. But he's. But like, he's like. He's like, it's not you dudes. There's a lock, there's politics. Like I don't know if it's going to happen, you know?

[A]

You're a paid regular. No, now I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And he gets one of my fucking best friends. Like, he's like, I love the guy so much. It wasn't.

[A]

Is your name on it now?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Great.

[C]

I forgot to fucking look at it last night.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. Oh, Never seen it in person.

[A]

Oh, wow, wow, wow.

[B]

Well, go to Go. Go now. Go after the show. See.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who gives a shit?

[A]

Who gives it?

[B]

Yeah, you can see it and go. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. And then for three years, nothing.

[C]

So. Three years, nothing. So I saw you. You were the third person.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

In the same night. And you were like, I heard you're leaving town.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[C]

And I go, yeah, buddy, I'm gonna go, I think. And you go, why? And I said, bobby, I haven't worked in three years. And you went. Three years is nothing. Worked for five years once.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I was like.

[B]

Which is not true.

[A]

It is 100 true.

[B]

You've never done five years without working.

[C]

As he was saying, I bet my.

[B]

Bank account on it. You've got five years. You haven't gone five years without working.

[A]

Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah. Oh, I. In a Nickelodeon show, that's a win. That's not a win.

[B]

Better than him getting booted off of everything.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And crash landing.

[A]

Right? Okay.

[B]

Five years. You never went five years. Man, you're creeping. Cruising since the beginning of time.

[C]

Okay, you know what's funny?

[A]

What are you doing? Looking at my IMDb.

[B]

Yeah. It's proven.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. See if there's a gap in my time.

[B]

I gotta find a five year one.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Are you in season three of. And just like.

[A]

No. No, no.

[C]

Why not? She doesn't do the podcast anymore.

[A]

Yeah, okay. Yeah. I don't ask. I just, you know, not seeing a five year gap at all. Okay, but you see things, projects that.

[C]

Are like, this is. Okay, this is insane.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

It's constant.

[C]

It looks like a fucking receipt at the grocery. Jesus.

[B]

CVS receipt of credits.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, yeah, okay. All right. Anyway, I lied, Joe. I lied. I'm a liar. I'm sorry. I lied right in front of your face.

[C]

I knew you were lying as receipts.

[A]

Receipts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I apologize.

[C]

But yeah, you said. You said, so what, dudes, you're not working. What about stand up? And I said, dude, there's no stage time. I can't get in anywhere. You're like, fuck that. That's gonna turn around. And I did it. You go, I want you to give it another one more push. And I called the Laugh Factory and I was like, fuck it. And they were like, yeah, put your veils in. And I put my veils in and. Cause they had been kind of cold prior to that, so I just. I'll try it again. And they were like, put your veils in. And the first night I had a spot was a week later. And you were on the show, but you left before I got there. And when I walked in, the lady at the box office goes, I have something for you.

[A]

Here we go. This is good.

[C]

Yeah. And I said, what? And she handed me a note. I was like, what is going on?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And it was from you. And it said, well, well, well, look who's working. It was a really sweet thing. Isn't that sweet? Well, I got a little teary almost when I.

[B]

Do you still have the note?

[C]

Nah.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Of course. You threw it away that night.

[C]

I wiped my ass sweat. No, I actually do have the note. I have a box. I have one of those giant, like. Or maybe probably two now. You know those big clear, like Tupperware Y things you get at Target?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Storage bin. I have a couple of those of all memorabilia.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

So, like that I would. I took that home and threw it immediately into. Anytime I get something, I tub.

[A]

Did you get spots after that?

[C]

I did. I did two more spots.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And the second one, the early show, ran 90 minutes over.

[A]

Let me guess why.

[B]

I have a guess.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Was it chocolate sundaes?

[C]

No, that was a Saturday night.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why that?

[B]

Huh? Why that chocolate sundae?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they run long, okay? Those shows run.

[C]

It was a Saturday night. Somebody dropped in. Maybe it was. I don't know. You know, Maybe it was just. They had drop ins.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

But the show was 90 minutes too long.

[A]

That's why I don't play that room.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then my 11:30 was a 1:30.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And I got up and there was six people in the room.

[A]

Brutal.

[C]

That were there from the fucking earlier show.

[B]

They just stayed.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

And I was like, I can't do it. I'm moving back to New York.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I have to go back. And I'm not. That's not me knocking the Laugh Factory. In fact, I saw the Booker last night and I want to do it again when I come to town. But, like, it just. It just wasn't. The place wasn't for me anymore. I was like, okay, this is what it was. But then I went back to New York and Started doing stand up every fucking night. And I was like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. This is amazing. And then they were like, you can't leave the house ever again, Covid.

[A]

All right.

[C]

What have I done?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Wow.

[B]

I forgot you moved, like, right before.

[C]

Right before, dude, I had. My apartment had no windows in it.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Lived in a cellar.

[C]

It was. No, it was on the third floor, but the windows were in the bedroom.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

So the main room had no windows, and it was. The place was a dump. But I was like, where was it? It was Avenue B and Second Street.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it was two grand a month. And everybody was like, you better grab that apartment, dude. Like, that location is insane for that price. And I was like, it's not that nice. But you know what? I'm never going to be there. I'll be doing stand up all the time. Who cares? It's just a crash pad lock.

[B]

How wrong you were.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The hallway, dude.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

It was the grossest. Remember when they thought you could get it from a surface like my hallway? I was. I thought, I'm gonna die in this hall.

[A]

Yeah, that dude. When. So remember when Tom Hanks got it from flying back from Australia?

[B]

Yeah. He was like one of the.

[A]

And I thought. I thought, we're all gonna die. Do you remember that? Yeah. And then the coach from Arsenal, Mikel Arteta, got it. I was like, oh, my God, there goes Arsenal. They're gonna all die.

[B]

All die.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

They fucking. It's. I. I shot that. Remember? Comedy seller, had that show on Comedy Central for a while, The Stand Up Show.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I was shooting that show, and I found out about Tom Hanks at the spot I was doing to warm up. And I got to go on stage because the crowd was in the taping when the news broke. So I got to be the person that went on stage and said, tom Hanks has Covid.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Fun.

[C]

It was a fun moment.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But. Yeah. But anyway, things are good now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Now you're good.

[A]

Well, yeah. You're killing it now.

[B]

Live in Austin.

[A]

Do you feel like you're killing it?

[C]

Look, I am very grateful. I have. I have a lot of thoughts on this. I'm glad you asked.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Good, good.

[C]

Andrew, feel free to jump in at any point.

[B]

No, I want. I'm. I. Yeah.

[C]

You look like you want to punch.

[B]

Me in the face right now a little bit. Why? You drugged me down the Avenue of Hell last.

[C]

No, you did it.

[B]

No, you did it.

[A]

You did it.

[C]

No, I didn't.

[B]

Thank you, Bobby.

[C]

Yeah. No, I didn't.

[A]

Because he never goes on the Avenue of Hell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He goes to the. The street of Heaven.

[B]

Street of Heaven.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You took me down.

[C]

Kid is a lush. What? Talking.

[B]

You took me down.

[C]

He's hiding it from you.

[A]

I know, I know.

[B]

Down, dude.

[A]

Yeah, down.

[C]

Were. Dude, you were like, let's go.

[B]

Like, who started at the show when he had a drink on the podcast. You were in there. He was like, I'm gonna get wrecked.

[C]

Well, just because you poured him a huge drink. Yeah, I was responding to you.

[A]

You.

[C]

He poured me a full glass of whiskey. Being like, come on, dude. Come on. Drink, drink.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your podcast is called Whiskey Ginger.

[B]

Yeah, that's his fault.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Yeah, he knew.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

He knew what he was getting into.

[A]

So you drank whiskey on his pod.

[B]

All night, and then you went all.

[A]

Night and then you went.

[C]

No, but wait. I want to respond to what you said.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I look at it like, you know, there's glass ceilings, and you keep going through, and eventually the top tier, it's a steel ceiling. You can't get through it. There's only so high you can go. But the tiers are, you know, fairly large tiers.

[A]

But you're in the building.

[C]

Yes, but there's a lot of guys in that room. When you get to that last tier.

[A]

You'Re on the first floor. That's good. True Classic. Are you Classic guy?

[B]

I'm so classic. And, you know, you see me, you make fun of me by how many of these I wear all the time.

[A]

I'm turning classic now.

[B]

You are turning classic because I love them. And that True classic, by the way, it's not just about the fit of the fabric. It's helping you show up with confidence every single day and purpose. These shirts, I'm telling you, are so comfortable and so wearable. No matter what you're up to, whether you're like Bobby Lee, you're playing pickleball on Rollerblades, or you're like me, you're at the golf course and going to have club sandwiches with friends afterwards, I.

[A]

Meditate with them on the mountaintop that I meditate at.

[B]

You're still going to that same mountaintop?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Meditation mountaintop. You should go.

[A]

You've been wearing True Classic for a.

[B]

While now, for a long time.

[A]

And can you feel the difference?

[B]

100%. Right when you throw on it? You really do. Clean, effortless fit that actually works in real life. And it's not just they're simple classic tees. They also have polo shirts that I love very much. And you got to try them out. It's going to fit within your budget. That's the best part. Clothes are getting expensive, and I'm telling you, you don't have to hunt for a good. A good deal of something comfortable that looks classic, clean, and also is very versatile because True Classic has got that.

[A]

And you can find them at Target, Costco, and head to trueclassic.com bad friends to try them for yourself.

[B]

That's right. Go over to Target. Go to Costco Good. Or whatever you need to. But you can also go to trueclassic.com badfriends. Check it out. Best birthday ever.

[C]

Well, there's more where that came from.

[B]

A word.

[C]

Is that the new Bad Friends merch?

[A]

Happy birthday to me. Do you want touch it?

[B]

Can I? Yeah. Oh, genuine embroidery. So is your birthday perfect?

[A]

Almost perfect. You want me to say it, don't you?

[B]

I want you to say it.

[A]

I don't think you can handle it.

[B]

I can handle it.

[C]

I'm a Bobby mother. I'm Bobby mom.

[A]

Oh, yes, yes.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

You just sometimes forget to be grateful. But the thing that makes me grateful and it's my reminder every week, and I fucking cherish this because there are some people that can't do it. And it's such a simple thing. The grocery store. I go to the grocery store once a week. I walk and buy the things I want and need and I go to the checkout. And whatever she says this cost, I hand her the card and I'm like, you are so fucking lucky that you can do that. You are so fucking lucky that you can do that, man.

[B]

I get that. The grocery store. I get it. Yeah, we always used to talk about that. I think you knew you made it in stand up is when you can go eat a meal afterwards with other comics and then not worry about what the meal, the. What it was going to cost you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because when you were young in stand up and you go out and you'd all be like, who's gonna. Are we all gonna split this or are they gonna.

[A]

Me and my roommates used to share a BRC burrito.

[C]

It's amazing, right?

[A]

El Pollo Loco. BRC. $1.

[C]

What's the BRC?

[A]

Bean? Rice and cheese. Wow. And we would split one a day, and we'd split in half. And then we would get arguments of how much bean that he got extra. Well, yeah, Sometime Mexicans. I mean, let it Slide. Yeah, they love the beans. But my point is, is that I need it, bro. And I got more of the rice. Yeah, yeah. So it's a fair exchange, but, yeah, I mean, that's all we ate. And I was a standup, and I was hitting the claws, but that's all I could eat. And now I'm grateful that I can get more you, dude, but you.

[B]

That's an understatement. You order the whole menu.

[C]

Yeah, you.

[B]

He. He really does.

[C]

Yeah. I love that, dude. I love.

[B]

He orders the whole fucking thing.

[C]

I've ordered two entrees before. Because I'm like, I can't decide.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, you've done that.

[B]

I'll order with you.

[C]

Order.

[A]

Can I just say something? In Dublin, You. You did the ordering. You know what he does? This is what he does. Tells the table, don't worry about it. And they'll have a private. You always have a private meeting with the. With the fucking waiter. You do. You do. You do your. The hide comes out. Hey, I got this, right? Yeah, yeah, Bonjour. Or whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You pull aside, and then things will just come out. Yeah. And we don't have to.

[B]

I slip him a card, and then.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. He takes care of the whole thing.

[C]

That's.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's.

[C]

Paul Italia does that.

[B]

That's fun.

[C]

Paul Italia does that. Paul that owns the stand. Yeah, I do. Joey Roses with. He'll. He'll want to check out a restaurant, and he'll go in and he'll run the fucking menu.

[B]

That's fun.

[C]

I'll be like. He'll be like, bring it. Bring it. Yeah, bring it.

[B]

Like, why not?

[C]

And then, you know, and then it's paid for, and you're like, okay, all right, dude.

[B]

Well, then also, here's the real move. Get the shit to go. You can't eat. Find your nearest homeless guy. Go, dude, you want a fucking killer meal? I've got so much left over.

[A]

And then they go, I don't want to give me crap. And you're like, I give you a steak.

[B]

Is there crack in it?

[C]

You go up to the homeless guy. You know, you want a killer meal, you got to try this place.

[B]

Wait till you get it. When you get your life together, man, you'll be able.

[A]

To.

[C]

Yeah, it's a really good spot over here, buddy.

[B]

That was one of my. One of my first shitty jokes was about taking a girl on a date that I couldn't afford. And then we got food to go. We got the leftovers to go. And I Walked past the homeless guy. This is in Westwood. And the homeless guy was like, you know, looking at me, and I go, I'm gonna give him the food, you know, in front of this girl. I thought it'd like, be a good gesture and go, hey, man, you. You want this food? And he goes, what's in it? And I was like, tomorrow, another day on earth.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You said that or not?

[A]

You.

[B]

Peace. No, I didn't say that. No, I didn't say that.

[C]

No, no, But.

[B]

But he literally was like, what's in it? I was like, oh, I don't know. It's whatever.

[C]

Blah, blah, blah.

[B]

And then. And he goes, nah, I wrote. He fucked me off. I was like, all right, dude, I.

[C]

Wrote a joke about this. I had a homeless guy once. He. I go, do you want this leftover Chinese food? He goes, it depends. And I go, oh, does it?

[B]

Yeah. Does it?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I go, oh, is that so depend on. He goes, is there meat in it? And I go, yeah. And he goes, hard pass. I'm a strict vegetarian. I go, you might want to loosen up the reins on that.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

There'S a rat eating your leg right now. So take it all in, my friend. Relax.

[A]

I've gotten somebody laid.

[B]

A homeless guy?

[A]

No, not a homeless guy, but another. Another comic. I'm that gracious.

[C]

Wait, wait, what? You got somebody laid?

[A]

Sometimes I've. I've done that.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So I match with this girl on Hinge back in the day, and eventually they. They got. You know, and then she saw a flyer with me and this. I. I saw him last night. I don't. I forgot his name, but he's a handsome up and coming one of those tick tocky comics.

[B]

You don't remember the kid's name?

[A]

No, I don't. Okay. And I go, he. She goes, I think he's hot. And I linked them together.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Wow. Yeah.

[B]

Would you do that for you? I try to find you girls.

[A]

No, but would you that to a stranger? Because I didn't even know who he was.

[B]

Yeah, if it's a comic.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

For comics. You would.

[A]

Would you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

If.

[A]

Yeah, Your ego. You put your ego aside? Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Well, I mean, but you didn't. You weren't really putting much aside because she didn't want to fuck you. You really did nothing for this person. You're like, am I? I was like, I'm such a great guy that I didn't prevent a woman who had zero interest in me from my friend. Come on.

[A]

It's good.

[C]

Yeah, it is good.

[A]

It's nice. That made me mad. Let me just say something. Okay. I could have been, like, off.

[C]

Yeah, no, right, I agree.

[A]

Right. But I don't. This guy. I had to fucking text the promoter to get this guy's information. Right. And then link them up.

[C]

That's nice.

[A]

Then call the guy. This girl that kind of rejected me, but she. She's into you. Yeah, right. And he goes, really? I don't know you. I go, I know, because I'm a good guy.

[C]

Oh, you didn't know him.

[A]

I didn't know him at all.

[B]

He doesn't even know his fucking name.

[A]

I don't even know his name to this today.

[C]

I. I thought. I thought so.

[A]

Take it back.

[C]

I take it back.

[B]

All right.

[C]

I thought you were saying, like, he was a guy you kind of knew. You were on a show.

[A]

No, no, no. You? Yeah. All day. Yeah. Joe derosa. Why would you want to. That mythological creature. But you know what I mean, I would still do it. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, God, that hurt.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Mythological creature.

[A]

Human. Gollum. I mean. Well, I guess Gollum was human.

[C]

Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

All right. So anyway, was he. Yeah, yeah, he was a hobbit.

[C]

Hobbit, yeah. Not human, but a hobbit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Humans aren't.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Are you seeing anybody now?

[C]

I just broke up.

[A]

That hurt.

[C]

It did, yeah. It hurt really bad.

[A]

So she did broke up with you?

[C]

No, it was mutual.

[B]

I heard. We heard about it last night. Is that true?

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You want to.

[C]

I talked a lot about it. Yeah, we were broing down. Yeah. Yeah, I was. Yeah.

[A]

I don't want to get into details because it's personal, but do you still get your heart broken?

[C]

That was the first girl I ever was truly, like, fully in love with. Like, I loved her very much.

[B]

No, this is a nightmare.

[C]

No, it's. It's okay.

[B]

What did you do?

[C]

Wait, what's the nightmare? Because I'm talking about it. Is that bad?

[B]

It's gonna make him sad.

[C]

No, it's not gonna make me sad.

[A]

It's gonna make me sad.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, I'm not sad.

[C]

Are you sad?

[A]

I'm not sad.

[B]

Are you sure?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm kinda happy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

See? A little pain, it makes me a little happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

It was mutual. She's great. She's really great. But it just was mutual. And we were both comics. It made it. That. That adds complications.

[A]

That's hard.

[C]

But, you know, can we say.

[B]

Can we. It was just Kathy Griffin.

[C]

No, no. No, it was Eric Griffin.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

Did you do the impractical Joker's Cruise?

[C]

Did you do that?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You like that, huh?

[C]

That was fun.

[B]

Were you a little fun on there?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What'd you do?

[C]

Piggy on that?

[B]

You're a little fat, little piggy slob, dude.

[C]

No, it was so fun. Dude, we're gambling. That's like. This is what the QS thing was like, just partying. Yeah. I went back to Austin after I did it, and some of. Some of the guys in Austin, like Derek Poston and Hasan and they were like that. That QS thing looked nuts. Like, was. What was that? I was like, it was a festival. Whenever they go, just do a ton of stand up, I go, bro, I got there on Wednesday. My show wasn't till Saturday.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

And they go, how many shows did you do? I go, one. And they go, what else did you do? I was like, I don't know. They'd be like, can you go host the belly flop contest?

[A]

Like, it was ridiculous.

[C]

Yeah, but that's what the Joker's Cruise was like.

[B]

Same thing.

[C]

Yeah. All I had to do, me and Sal did two. Taste bud lives.

[B]

That's it.

[C]

That was all I had to do. The rest of the time I was gambling, I was drinking, hanging by the pool all day. Yeah, dude, it was so fun. Hosted.

[A]

Like, I'm going to win in February next year.

[B]

What are you doing?

[A]

Where of cruise?

[B]

What, you're doing a comedy cruise?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not gonna catch me on a cruise, man. I can't do it. I don't. I get that. That. The panic, the fear.

[C]

Dude, I'm starting to get that with. With like that now. Where you're trapped and can't leave.

[B]

Yeah. I don't like that. I need to get out. I need to be. I need to be able to have access to like, get the out. I don't like the lifeboats. The lifeboats.

[A]

There's lifeboats.

[B]

I guess I take a lot of. You know what? Fuck it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dude, that reminded me. I did the Cabo Comedy Festival. I think it only went like one year.

[C]

I did that too.

[B]

You did that? They flew me down there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This is the funniest shit. There was no one organizing it. It was fucking absolute chaos.

[C]

I saw Kevin Meaney quit comedy at that fucking.

[B]

No, really?

[C]

Dead serious.

[B]

God.

[C]

I'm not stepping.

[B]

No, no, no. There's no story to tell other than I literally flew down there.

[A]

They.

[B]

I didn't do one show. Didn't do a show. Five day vacation, went home they were so disorganized. They were like, what show are you on? I'm like, no, you guys tell me. And they're like, I think you're supposed to be at this bar. At whatever. I showed up to the bar. T.J. miller or somebody was, like, doing an hour, and I was like, I'm on this show. And they were like, I don't know. Then I literally just stopped answering their emails. I just went to the beach every day. Wow, great. And they paid me.

[A]

It was.

[C]

Yeah, that fest was insane. It was a nightmare. No, you know, it was a nightmare. But they fucking. I. And I wasn't drinking. I was, like, in a little sober stint when I was there.

[B]

Good.

[C]

That was not fun. No, no, not at all. But, yeah, you're at Sammy Hagar's fucking Tequila World, whatever the fuck it's called.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Margaritaville's competitor.

[C]

Yeah, you can't. You're not drinking. You're like. But anyway, yeah, three things happened down there. I got into a fight with Hal Sparks.

[B]

A fist fight with Hal Sparks.

[A]

No.

[C]

And on stage in front of an audience.

[B]

Why?

[C]

Seth Herzog has this show called Sweet that he's been doing in New York forever. And the way the show works is he has a co host. And you, if you're the co host, you sit with Seth on the side of the stage and you riff with the comics.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

And like, in New York, it'll be like, literally, like, Will Forte or, like, Justin Long or Sam Rockwell. He gets all these really fun people. And in Cabo, he's like, brother, you've done sweet a million times. Like, just co host with me. It'll be fun. So I was like, that'd be great. So we're sitting there. Of course we're in a nightmare fucking bar. Wherever. You know, it's not a good show to begin with because of Cabo. I mean. And then Hal Sparks went on, and I guess he didn't know what the show was, and he was talking, and I was like. And I jumped in and said something. He goes. He goes, I got it from here, pal. All right? I don't need your help.

[B]

Oh, right.

[C]

Like that. So, dude, I sit back, I sit back, and immediately it's like, yeah, you.

[A]

Know I had a tiger dog.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember that clip of you and Theo where you're staring at him?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

It was like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'm just like, you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And loading up the bullets, and I'm just seething. And then halfway through his set, he Talked to me. And I go. And he goes, I'm talking to you, man. And I go, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Do you want me to say something? I. I tried to jump in earlier and you got really pissed off.

[A]

Oh, here we go.

[C]

And he goes, I didn't know you were so sensitive, little sweetie. And I go, yeah, yeah. And I go, yeah. I didn't know you were a.

[B]

Joe right away. No slow build, Just come as hard as you can.

[C]

My hand to God, Bud Friedman was still alive.

[B]

He was back in the room.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

He stood up and walked out.

[A]

Wow. Wow.

[B]

For people that don't. That's the guy who owned the improv.

[C]

And I was like, well, there go the improvs.

[A]

Yeah. And they did it. Ever resolved. You ever run into him?

[C]

I saw him the next day.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I saw him the next day in the lobby and he lectured me for about 10 minutes.

[B]

Bud did.

[C]

No, no.

[B]

How fucking Sparks lectures.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

About what?

[C]

He's like, look, man, I'm sorry about last night, but you understand something. They didn't tell me what the show was. And I'm like, okay, cool, dude. And he's like, every show has. I just told this story the other night. It's so hard not to laugh. He goes, every show. Wait till I tell you what he said. He goes, every show has an id, an ego, and a super ego, and you have to be familiar with all three. Now, let me tell you why the show setlist does. So that was. Was that Provengers show.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Where you made up the jokes.

[B]

No. Yeah. Set list.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He goes, let me tell you why Set list does so well every week they reiterate the concept of that show to the audience. And that audience has seen it a million times because that is how you treat the ID ego. And I was like, I am going to blow my brains. Kathy Ladman standing over there. I've never met her. I was like, I'm maybe gonna try to talk to Kathy Ladman. I gotta get out of this.

[B]

And then tell me who quit comedy.

[C]

And then I then saw Florentine, and I was like, right after that. And he's like, what's up, man? And I go, you know, it's a dick. Hal Sparks. And he goes, yeah, yeah. What are you gonna do? I was so mad at the lecture. I was more mad at the lecture.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I've never seen him since.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

I mean, I wouldn't. I don't. I'm not, you know, let's set up a fight.

[A]

Yeah. I love wars.

[B]

Let's set up a war.

[C]

Do you know him? Is he nice?

[A]

I mean, I don't know anything. I know who he is. Yeah. Even if I. I've never even been in the same room as him.

[B]

I think I've done a show with him once. I don't really know.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[C]

I had met him at Montreal and we went. We took a car. Remember sometimes at the Montreal Fest, they'd make you do some show that was, like, actually out of town.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it was the worst because you were in a fucking car for 45 minutes with one other comic. I did that with him once and we got along really well. And he. And that's the first time I met him.

[A]

Right.

[C]

And I knew who he was from the L Word. He was on that Showtime show.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[C]

Or no, no, he was on Queer As Folk.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And so I knew who he was.

[B]

Oh, no. Yeah.

[C]

And, you know, we had a great time. And then, like, when we rode back, he's like, hey, man, you're really funny, dude. And like, we talked. I was like, this guy's awesome. So when I saw him the next time, it was when he was on stage at Sweet. And I was like, oh, this is. I. I know how. Yeah, we took that car.

[B]

Oh, let's see. That makes the story even weirder.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I'm actually just remembering that part of it now.

[A]

What?

[C]

Yeah, I was like, I should have told this part first.

[A]

Yeah. If somebody says back in. When I was growing up in this business, one weird thing forever dead to me. But you have little revenge things, too.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know who. I don't know who. I know who. Say it.

[A]

You have it with clubs, with play. Oh, certain clubs, when you were younger, they didn't treat you that well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you still carry that with you.

[B]

I mean, don't we all do that?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I. Yes, you do that.

[A]

No.

[B]

Liar.

[A]

I love Yuck Yucks. I just. I. I guess I.

[B]

Maybe you do.

[A]

I. Yeah, you do. You have them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I was that one. I was.

[A]

I can name five.

[C]

I was at one.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That will remain nameless.

[B]

Governor's Long Island. That place can burn to the ground.

[C]

I like governors.

[B]

I don't. That whole thing. That guy made me feel like, man. When I was a kid.

[C]

Wait, wait, which guy?

[B]

It was. This was a long time.

[C]

I mean, because I'm just wondering if.

[B]

It'S some random man I might have got. I was getting New York Comedy fest was probably 2011 or something like that. 2010. But he. Whatever, man. There was a paper. Show was awful. There was nobody there. And there was a bunch of, like. Like, it's like out of a bad movie. Like, Italian, like, sitting at a table.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Talking the whole. Talking through every comic, like, just on everybody.

[C]

That can happen on Long Island.

[B]

And he's saying, shut up. And I'm like, dude, take care of this. And they don't take care of it. And then I was like, well, just. I don't. I don't want to do the show anymore. There's not even enough people in here for. It was like, 13 people. I was like, I'll get. I'll. You know, I'll pay for you guys to not be here. If you guys want to leave, everybody can leave. And they were, you know, oh, they're barking at me. And. And then I just sat on the stool. I literally sat and didn't say anything until people slowly got up and left. And the guy was like, that's the most unprofessional shit. I'm taking those ticket prices out of your paycheck or whatever. And I was like, good. And keep the fucking paycheck and write. We'll never come back here.

[C]

I. I had that with. Off the hook.

[B]

Oh, and that fucking Captain Brian.

[C]

Yeah, that douchebag that. When you meet him, he goes, hey, Joe, I'm the captain. Really? Really? Why don't you sail on my fucking dick? You lose it. The worst fucking crowds I've ever been in. My. He lied. He said I ran up, like, a. Like, an impossible bar bill.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, I had, like, four shots and a beer at the bar at the Vet. Because you. Literally two of them before. Before I went on stage. Because, like, this is a fucking nightmare. I can't do this. And. And then I had. I had to drink on stage. And then a drink after. Whatever. And then I left because big, big surprise. I didn't want to hang out at Captain Brian's. Off the hook for my night in Florida. And I'm like, bro, your audiences suck. They suck. And they're stupid. They're stupid. Not my fault. He's like, yeah, you had a bad show.

[B]

You know, you never went down there.

[A]

I'm mad that I was never booked.

[C]

No.

[A]

That's how mad I am. I don't even know Captain Brian.

[B]

Two of them, right?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, I want to meet Captain Brian.

[C]

I don't know if it's two or three.

[A]

Moved it. Yeah, Yeah, I did.

[B]

I did it one time.

[C]

Jim. Jeffries. This is Facebook. Was the only thing. Facebook Messenger.

[A]

This is a long time ago, then. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Jim Jeffries, who, like, I was friendly with but didn't know that well, he messaged me on Facebook messenger, and he was like, mate, I know you suffer from depression. I know what club you're at. This.

[A]

Wow, wow, wow.

[C]

And he goes, are you doing okay? It's a nightmare.

[B]

Don't walk out into the ocean.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I go, it's a nightmare. I go, did you do well when you were here? And he goes, no. And he told a story to me that he walked the entire crowd outside so he could have a cigarette.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Because he's like, it was a fucking joke. A drunk lady got on stage with me the last show and tried to wrestle the mic out of my hand, and staff did nothing. I was screaming at the fucking staff.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then this is my favorite part. At the end of the weekend, they go, would you sign the. Your headshot?

[B]

What are you gonna. Yeah. What are you gonna do with it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Put it up above the lobster. It did have a seafood bar in the middle of the room where you're performing.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I'm not gonna.

[A]

You went to Captain Brian soon.

[B]

Yes, I did. I told you, I did it one time.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Everybody does it one time.

[A]

Never even did it one time. That's how sad my.

[B]

But he had. But he.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't even know if he was there when I went down there. Maybe he was, but I went down there and I walked in, and immediately I was like, people are eating dinner. It's dinner.

[C]

It's terrible. I got this feeling.

[B]

It was tough, man.

[A]

You do your 45 or.

[B]

No, I did the time. I will say this, dude, that does mold you when you're young and you're like, it. I'm gonna grind the out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It is something good about those things. Your relationship. Your experience was obviously terrible. But I, like. I think there's something about those rooms when I. When I was doing them that I was like, wow, this is just gonna make me build an hour.

[C]

That's also, though, when I was really in my, like, I wish I was Bill Hicks mode.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

So I went on stage and I was like, I'm doing the material, and you're either gonna get it or you. You know what I mean? I didn't break out of anything. I didn't do crowd work. I could have. Now I'd be like, figure this out. Yeah.

[A]

You don't know the trick?

[C]

No. What's this trick?

[B]

Make up your Own rules.

[A]

You make up your own rules.

[C]

Do whatever.

[A]

Why? Let me ask you this. Okay.

[C]

You know the trick. Get one of the biggest podcasts in history, and then you don't have to do it.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. This is before.

[B]

Before.

[A]

This is way before.

[C]

That's somebody.

[A]

I don't know who did this, but they made up a rule. Opener does 10, 15.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Feature does 30.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The headliner is 45. You mix it up.

[B]

Mix it up. Yeah.

[A]

But opener does 45.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You mean.

[C]

Who cares?

[B]

Feature does 30.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He does 10.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Mix it up.

[C]

You mix it up, dude, you always though. You always didn't give a fuck. The first. Do you remember the first time we met at the Laugh Factory in New York, opening weekend?

[A]

Oh, my God, that was the worst week.

[C]

Yeah. And Jamie was there. He had you headlining that main room.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And you.

[A]

Okay, what'd I do?

[C]

You 100% lit your pubes on fire on set.

[A]

I know that.

[C]

That. I was just like, this kid's fucking wild.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

But then we were sitting in the lobby. Remember there was, like, that lobby next to the service bar.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

With the booths.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It was like, basically their green room. And. And Bobby just was like, light and sigs. Light and sigs. There's no doors. It's wafting out to the customers. Jamie runs over. He's like, bobby, yo, what the fuck are you doing? Screaming at him? He's like, jamie, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

[A]

Yeah, I learned that from Dice.

[C]

Yeah. Then you go. Then you go.

[A]

He. He lit a cigarette at. At the gate. At lax at the gate.

[C]

That's insane.

[A]

And he's. I can do. And I go, you can. I can do whatever. And then somebody goes, can you put that on? And just stomps it. And I learned that behavior. It's not me. I learned that behavior. Okay. It's learned.

[B]

That's learned.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's not him.

[C]

Every. But then he would go away mad, and you'd be like, watch, this is going to be so funny. You would do it again, and he would run over and scare you. You'd be like, jamie, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. You put it out.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

You'd walk away. You'd be like, this is so.

[A]

You were cackling a. Cackling like a little maniac.

[C]

I remember I was looking at you like, what's.

[A]

What is.

[C]

What are you doing?

[A]

Yeah, well, you know what I was doing.

[C]

Well, I do.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I was.

[A]

But do you know why? Because that week, he made me go on the street and pass out ticket.

[B]

Oh, you're barking.

[A]

I was barking.

[B]

Oh, that sucks.

[A]

I was already on Mad tv. Right? And he goes, buddy, no one's coming.

[B]

Get out there.

[A]

Right? And so this is like my first year or two of Mad tv. And he gives me a stack full of tickets. And now during the day, I have to just pass out tickets to tourists. Nightmare to headline.

[B]

That sucks.

[A]

And then no one showed up anyway, so I'm gonna smoke.

[B]

So you're gonna smoke?

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna smoke in the club.

[B]

The moral is.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And that clubs are no longer there, right?

[C]

No, no.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It used to be a strip club.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Then it became. Then it became the Laugh Factory, Then it became a haunted house.

[B]

Yeah, you said.

[A]

What?

[B]

You said it was a laugh factory.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But I mean, have you been upstairs? Do you. Have you seen his collection, by the way?

[C]

What are you talking about?

[B]

Do you not. You've been up there to Jamie's. You know he collects clowns.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You've never seen this?

[C]

No.

[B]

Oh, the Hollywood one. Will you. Up upstairs is filled with clowns.

[C]

In, like, his office, you mean?

[A]

No, no, no. Did you know this?

[B]

Or in the green room area, there's a corporate officer.

[A]

There is a. There is a green room within a green room. Do you know that? Yeah, yeah. And so I found it out maybe four months ago. I've been going there for 30 years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. One day I was there, I was like, so where's Arsenio hall and George Lopez? And he's like, buddy, they're in the green room within the green room. I go, come on. I've never known about that. He goes, okay, you can come in. And I went in and there's a whole different section where there's clowns and a whole wall of. I'm not kidding you. A framed whole wall of Ralphie May's T shirt. It's just Jake get big T shirt. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

One shirt.

[A]

One shirt.

[C]

Holy shit.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Wait, but where is it, though?

[A]

It's.

[C]

I know that.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I just got invited.

[C]

Let me ask you this. Is there like, a secret door?

[A]

It kind of is, yeah.

[B]

It's hidden.

[A]

It's hidden.

[C]

That's fucked up.

[A]

It's fucked up. Yeah. Normally, what, you just hang out upstairs in that, like, kind of like land area.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The landing. Right. But it's. No, there's a secret room.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You'll get in one day Joe's one of my. My best friends. He's one of my, like, sweetest comedy mates. I love him. He's one of the funniest people I know. And he has a special out right now. I never promised you a rose garden. It's fantastic. Please go watch it. Bobby loved it. Bobby watched it this week.

[C]

Oh, really?

[A]

I have a Blu ray.

[B]

He's got it on Blu Ray.

[C]

Did you really watch it or.

[A]

No, I've never seen any special.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Yeah, he's never seen anyone special. He's never seen anybody else go up.

[A]

I've never seen this podcast. I've never seen anything.

[C]

Yeah, I don't watch anybody.

[A]

I don't read comment. I don't just do nothing. I just do it and I go home. Yeah.

[C]

That's what I do.

[A]

It's true. Yeah.

[C]

Thank you for that. I'm very proud.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

I already know it's good.

[C]

Yeah. That's a great way to deflect.

[B]

That is funny.

[A]

Oh, really? How about this, Joe?

[C]

It's good. I'm giving you.

[A]

How about this Joe, Right?

[C]

Go ahead.

[A]

You texted me, right?

[C]

Yep. Guess who. Text me right back.

[A]

Who? Right? And guess what you asked for. What?

[C]

Oh, would you. Would you post my special? Would you mind?

[A]

And what did I do immediately?

[C]

You posted it.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So what's the ungratitude about?

[C]

It's not ungratitude.

[A]

What's the hostility about?

[C]

I was literally complimenting you. That. That I don't need to see it. I know. You're great. Is an awesome deflection that I'm going to use to get out of so many things.

[B]

I mean, you might as well.

[C]

I'm dead serious.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you know how many fucking people we know that have a goddamn TV show?

[A]

My special.

[C]

That.

[A]

Yeah, you got to.

[C]

I always go, yeah, dude, nice.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Meaning I watched four minutes of it.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Just in case they asked me anything.

[B]

It's already good. I know it.

[A]

That's why I don't even go to my friends who are director of screenings. I don't watch it.

[B]

Yeah, but that gives you anxiety. You hate.

[A]

I'm just in the. I just go in and out. It's always not good.

[C]

I don't watch.

[B]

It's always stuff makes me nervous.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like watching a thing because you have to lie.

[A]

It's a masterpiece.

[B]

Wow. What did you make?

[C]

Yeah, Yeah, I don't watch it. I don't watch anything. I'm in.

[B]

No, no. Disgusting.

[C]

That was. This was torture. Because I Directed it. So I had to sit there. I had to sit there going through the edit. I was proud. I was proud to have done it, but it was. That's tough. Yeah.

[B]

I hate it.

[C]

So much easier to be like, can you guys just show me a cut?

[B]

Yeah, just do it for me.

[C]

That's good.

[B]

Who said that? Who's told us that? Swartzin.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

Someone was like, I never have seen any of this. I tape it and then they put it together.

[A]

Do you have fun here or no.

[C]

In LA or on the pod?

[A]

This pod.

[C]

I had a great time. I was actually kind of sad when it was done. I was having a nice time. I'm dead serious.

[A]

We don't do Rogan hours. We do bad friends hours.

[C]

Yeah, I had a great time. You know, we.

[B]

We really should try to do a Rogan marathon type of show once. Just you and I. We should start at like 10pm and see how late into the morning we can go.

[A]

Go. Oh, that'd be fun.

[B]

Wouldn't that be just fun?

[A]

We have guests coming.

[B]

Yeah, people can pop by if they want.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, A marathon.

[C]

You should. Sometimes guys will do 24 hour.

[B]

That's. No way.

[C]

Keith and the girl would do that once a year for, I think, a charity thing.

[B]

Yeah, I'll do it for a charity thing.

[C]

But it was so fun, dude. I would literally.

[B]

Let's do it.

[C]

I would literally hit them up at 3am and I'd be like, hey, guys, just got back from the bar. Like, can I hop on?

[B]

Come on, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I would go on through Zoom and just sit there with them, smoking steaks. Let's do that in the morning. It was so fun.

[A]

No, okay. There's a way. Because it's hard enough because we talk so much.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

No, just let me. Let's.

[B]

Let me talk.

[A]

You know, we talk a lot.

[B]

We talk a lot.

[A]

You know, I mean, and sometimes it's like, enough. Enough talking.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Get to living.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I get it. Yeah, I get it. I get it.

[B]

All right, sign out. Joe, look in the. Look there.

[C]

Thank you, guys for having me.

[A]

That's not it.

[C]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[C]

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[A]

Who.