Coming Together As A United Front

Summary

Podcast Title: Barely Famous
Host: Kayla
Episode: Coming Together As A United Front
Release Date: March 21, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Coming Together As A United Front", host Kayla engages in a heartfelt and candid conversation with Elijah, a long-time military serviceman, and Javi Marquin, a familiar face to fans of the show. The discussion centers around the complexities of co-parenting, military relocations, and the evolving dynamics within their personal lives. This episode delves deep into the challenges and triumphs of maintaining familial bonds amid career demands and life changes.

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Background and Relationships

The episode begins with Kayla introducing Elijah, highlighting his 12-year military career and his long-term stationing in Delaware. She mentions the intricate relationships between herself, Elijah, Lauren, and their shared experiences, indicating past tensions and recent attempts at reconciliation.

Notable Quote:

• Kayla [01:00]: "Before we get to the reason why you came on Barely Famous today, I want to start at the beginning with our story..."

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Military Career and Relocation

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around Elijah’s military career and the challenges of relocation. Elijah explains his transition from active duty to reserves and back, emphasizing his commitment to staying in Delaware despite the usual two-year rotation norm.

Notable Quotes:

• Elijah [02:01]: "Yeah, no, for sure. And I understand that, but there are people who think that you don't work."
• Elijah [04:36]: "So basically, we're all capped out. So once you're in this job, you're capped out at three years..."

Kayla and Elijah discuss Elijah’s impending relocation to Virginia, exploring the professional and personal implications of this move. Elijah expresses his dedication to his career, stating, "I've worked too hard, and I got eight years left till my retirement, so I think I've made it far enough."

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Co-Parenting Dynamics

The core of the episode focuses on co-parenting strategies between Kayla and Elijah. They reflect on a turning point during a family trip to Spain in 2024, where despite past tensions, they managed to foster a more harmonious environment for their children.

Notable Quotes:

• Kayla [05:26]: "I think you spent more time with Elijah than I did."
• Elijah [07:36]: "I think Madrid help that and being. Okay. Well, four of them are getting along, so I don't know if getting along, but all four of them are. Have my best interest."

Kayla shares her emotional struggles with maintaining boundaries on her podcast, revealing, "I left you a voicemail sobbing, because I was so upset over it." Both acknowledge the difficulty of navigating public discussions about their personal lives, especially with the added layer of being public figures.

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Mediation and Custody Arrangements

A pivotal moment in their discussion is the mediation session they attended, which left both feeling discouraged. They debate the effectiveness of their co-parenting agreement and the role of their children in major decisions like relocation.

Notable Quotes:

• Elijah [02:26]: "Yeah, and so you and I didn't talk about it again for a long time..."
• Kayla [33:55]: "I did not want you to tell him when you told him."
• Elijah [41:09]: "And so me getting the school year is not a win..."

They explore the emotional toll of the legal process, with Elijah expressing frustration over the judge’s stance and Kayla emphasizing the importance of maintaining stability for their children.

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Future Plans and Decisions

Looking ahead, Elijah announces his relocation to Virginia, detailing the professional considerations behind this move. He stresses that this decision is purely career-driven and not meant to create further distance between families.

Notable Quotes:

• Elijah [22:49]: "Yeah, I'm moving out of Delaware this summer."
• Kayla [36:32]: "I have to scale back my travel so there's no other option."
• Elijah [45:33]: "Not even too. But, like, Virginia is not going to be forever home."

Kayla discusses her apprehensions about relocating and her hopes for maintaining a strong bond with her son, Lincoln, despite the geographical changes. They both acknowledge the complexities of their situation, expressing a mutual desire to prioritize their children's well-being above all else.

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Conclusion and Closing Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Kayla and Elijah reflect on their journey, emphasizing the importance of respectful communication and unity in co-parenting. Kayla urges listeners to extend grace and understanding, recognizing the real emotions and challenges they face.

Notable Quotes:

• Kayla [58:12]: "We are real people with real feelings."
• Elijah [58:12]: "We're trying to come together the best we can for our son and to raise our family peacefully."

They announce the continuation of their story in part two of the episode, promising more insights and discussions with additional guests.

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Final Thoughts

"Coming Together As A United Front" offers an unfiltered look into the lives of individuals striving to balance career obligations with personal relationships and parenting. Kayla and Elijah’s honest dialogue provides listeners with a nuanced perspective on co-parenting, the impact of military careers on family life, and the resilience required to navigate life’s unexpected changes.

Stay tuned for Part Two, releasing on Tuesday, where Kayla and Elijah will continue their conversation and introduce new guests to further explore their journey.

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Disclaimer: This summary is based on the transcript provided and aims to encapsulate the key discussions and emotions shared during the episode. For a complete experience, listening to the full episode is recommended.

Transcript

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[Kayla]

Welcome to the show. Things are going to get weird. It's your fave villain, Kayla, and you're.

[Javi Marquin]

Listening to Barely Famous. All right, welcome back to another episode.

[Kayla]

Of Barely Famous podcast. We have a guest that you guys know and love. Javi Marquin. Welcome to Barely Famous. Again.

[Elijah]

Thanks.

[Kayla]

Happy to have you. Before we. Before we get to the reason why you came on Barely Famous today, I want to start at the beginning with our story and then also how, you know, Lauren got involved, how Elijah is, you know, here, turning points in our dynamic, and then we'll get into, you know, I hate to call it an announcement because I don't think that's what it is, but the reason you're here. So. And also before we get attacked, for us not working and having real jobs, for those of the. The listeners who don't know, you've been in the military for 13 years.

[Elijah]

12.

[Kayla]

12 years. So you joined in what year?

[Elijah]

2012. December of 2012.

[Kayla]

Okay. And then from there, you got stationed in Delaware.

[Elijah]

Yep.

[Kayla]

And that's how we ended up here in Delaware. And you don't want to get out?

[Elijah]

I do not.

[Kayla]

It's going to be a full career.

[Elijah]

And, yeah, I've worked too hard, and I got eight years left till my retirement, so I think I've made it far enough. Where kind of have to ride it out.

[Kayla]

Yeah, no, for sure. And I understand that, but there are people who think that you don't work.

[Elijah]

Yeah, there's people that don't even know I'm still in the military.

[Kayla]

What do you do? React to comments like that or do you just kind of let it roll off?

[Elijah]

I don't care.

[Kayla]

Do people in the military react to you having been on tv?

[Elijah]

My friends, I mean, they crack jokes here and there, but they don't.

[Kayla]

Yeah.

[Elijah]

I mean, it's been so far, I don't even know because I'm in a whole new career than when I started.

[Kayla]

Okay.

[Elijah]

When I first went.

[Kayla]

Okay.

[Elijah]

So.

[Kayla]

And then you being in Delaware for as long as we. We have is sort of unheard of. Or what do you. Because I think what the stigma is or what people know about the military is that a lot of people move all the time and it's usually like a two year rotation. Right. Like you're stationed somewhere for two years, you move so on and so forth.

[Elijah]

Yeah, yeah. My first six years were active duty, and then I got out because I didn't want to move in that time I opened up the gym and then I went into the reserve side of the house. And then a guy that came to my gym, he offered me a job back in active duty. And he was like, I could put you. You can stay here in Delaware. So I was like, okay, can't pass that up. And then since then, from year six to 12 now I've exhausted all my positions in Delaware that I could take and stay here.

[Kayla]

And what's the difference between active duty and reserves?

[Elijah]

Active duty was full time and reserve is part time, essentially.

[Kayla]

So you went from full time to part time to full time again?

[Elijah]

Yes, exactly.

[Kayla]

But you worked pretty much every job you possibly can in Delaware. So now what did they do? They came to you and they were like, it's time for you to go. Or how does that, what does that look like?

[Elijah]

Yeah, they would have, they would have said, hey, it's time if you want to stay in this. So I'm recruiting now. So if you want to stay in recruiting, stay in this job. You need to grow and you need to, you can't do the same. Basically, we're all, we're all capped out. So once you're in this job, you're capped out at three years. That's when I started in Dover. I was like, okay, well, can I take the Newark spot? Newark, Delaware, for those that don't know, they gave me Newark and I. Now I'm capped out here. So there's no other place, no other job I can.

[Kayla]

So even if a recruiter does a good job in the area they're at, they still have to move?

[Elijah]

Yes.

[Kayla]

Why?

[Elijah]

Because if you're doing a good job in this area, they want to see you grow. Okay, well, go do it over here.

[Kayla]

Okay. So what was I actually got. We talked, I think last year at this point, or I guess it would have been the year before, I don't really remember. And we talked and you were like, hey, like, I, I think it's about to be that time where we're going to have to move.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Kayla]

And I had said that depending on where you went, that I would attempt to try to go as well, because I couldn't picture a life for Lincoln any other way than 50. 50. So at that time, I didn't know if I thought it was real or if it was like, oh, you guys have decided that you want to move. I didn't really know what that looked like. And then you and I didn't talk about it again for a long time, so I just sort of put it in the back of my mind and never thought about it again. So fast forward to, you know, you. You have two more kids. You're with Lauren, and 2024. I mean, for. For people who have watched Teen mom, they know that the dynamics between myself and Javi and Myself and Lauren and Javi have been a little rocky, I would say. And, you know, Fast forward to 2024. We go to Spain for the kids to play soccer, and I felt like that was a little bit of a turning point for the relationship as parents. Do you. Would you agree with that?

[Elijah]

Yeah. I mean, we were in a situation where we were just kind of forced to spend more time than we either one of us thought we were going to. I mean, I didn't think, you know, you and your hotel situation ended up being the way it did, and then you ended up in the same hotel, so we were kind of stuck in the same place. So we were gonna, you know, make the best of it for the kids sake. I mean, we traveled 10 hours to Madrid. We're not gonna make it. Crap.

[Kayla]

Yeah. I mean, I think that was the first time that Lauren and I were able to be in the same place at the same time and have a conversation and be there for the kids without any outside opinions, conversations, anything like that. And then you got to spend time, maybe unintentionally, with Elijah, which actually worked out, I feel like, to benefit the kids. I got really sick. I had strep throat. And you, Lauren, and Elijah took the kids outside to go play soccer. And I saw y'all from my hotel room. Like, I looked down at the field, and you guys were all playing, and I thought that was really cool, because I guess I just never. I didn't know what to expect for Spain in general. And then I also didn't know what to expect with everyone in such close proximity. So I think it really ended up being pretty cool. Right. Like, you and Elisha got along?

[Elijah]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I mean, we definitely got along. I mean, hey, let's make the best of this, and let's figure this out. And it worked in Madrid. It worked in Madrid.

[Kayla]

I think you spent more time with Elijah than I did.

[Elijah]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kayla]

How do you feel now?

[Elijah]

Good. I mean, Lincoln's with you guys half the time, so it was nice to spend, you know, some quality time and see who this man is around Lincoln.

[Kayla]

And how did you feel about Lauren and I getting along in Spain?

[Elijah]

It was nice. I mean, it was. It was fine. I mean, I'm glad. Like I said, I'm glad we were. Everyone was able to put all the difference. There's a lot of. There was a lot throughout the years that everyone went through. So it was. I mean, for that trip, it was good that we were all able to just put it behind us. And, hey, we're here. Let's cheer on the kids. Let's all go. Let's figure this out.

[Kayla]

Right?

[Elijah]

So it was good.

[Kayla]

So how do you feel today about it?

[Elijah]

A little mixed, if I'm gonna be honest with you. Okay, tell me why it's hard. Right. Because we. I thought we were at a place where we were good in Madrid, and then, you know, we come home and, you know, things were said, and I had to send you an email the week after. So for us, it was like, damn, we just had this good week. We thought we were turning a leaf, and here we are, back to. Back to what? We knew where we were.

[Kayla]

Yeah.

[Elijah]

So that's why, for me, it's just kind of. I want to make sure that boundary line is not that we've crossed it for years. Right. We. I think we figured out that boundary line, but I want to make sure the civil. I don't know how to put into words the civilness or the us being able to say hello to each other is strictly for Lincoln at that point. So I don't know how to say the words, but that's just. That's how I feel. It was just like, damn, we were here, come back home, and it's back to. Back to what we thought it was.

[Kayla]

So when we got back from Spain, for anyone who's listening and doesn't know, was having a conversation and I had said something on the podcast, I also thought that I was speaking so vaguely that I didn't think that people would know what I was talking about and so on. In some ways, for me to say in the first place, I thought, okay, nobody will know. I literally. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I literally left you a voicemail sobbing, because I was so upset over it. And I don't know if Lauren ever heard it or if y'all ever listened to it. But, like, I was truly sobbing, so upset beside. And I remember calling the producers of the show, and I was like, you know, we made so much progress. Like, how could I let this happen? So I still stand by that. Like, I. To this day. I mean, Lauren's here, you're here, and I'm sorry. Like, I'm telling you to your face, because I just. I was kicking myself for it because I shouldn't. It's hard because when people tell me to get a real job and they. You know, they say this, that, and the third, I'm like, well, I have been paid to talk about my life for 15 years now. And so that adds a very complicated layer for me, and I have to tread lightly. And so in order to engage in conversations on my podcast, whether it be with Lindsay or Becky or whoever, it is very hard for me. So I try to make them vague. And then I forget that people that are in my life and in the situation know that it's about them. Does that make sense? So I'm not justifying it by any means. I'm just trying to explain for the listeners or anyone to understand where Javi is coming from, because I do think that it's fair for you to have those feelings, is that, you know, we made progress, and I was the reason why we took a step back from that progress. And it. I would. I would agree with you when you say it's a little. Did you say it was complicated or mixed emotions?

[Elijah]

Yeah, I just feel like I always have to have my guard up. Like, I feel like when. Like in Madrid, okay, we put it down. Hey, let's have a good time. We went to the amusement park together, and, hey, if Lex wants to stay, you know, stuff like that. So I feel like when we let our guard down. Or me, I'll speak for me specifically, when we. When I let my guard down, and it's like, damn, we're here. And since you brought that up, I don't want to cut you off. So I'm trying to think of my thoughts as you come. So it's like, in that instance, when you're saying what you did, it's like you were saying you're trying to say it vaguely so that you didn't think other people would understand it. But I know who you're talking about, so I know it's me. So even if other people don't know what you're talking about, I do. So for me, it's like, damn, if we're taking Steps forward. Can I make an example so it makes all make sense? For example, for me, me, I feel like that's a running joke that I hear constantly from you, from your. Your friends or for. So I get it. You know, you got. You got a job, and it's funny to you, but for me, that caused a lot of pain between us. It caused a lot of pain in my. In my life, my personal life, and my. With my family. So for me to constantly hear jokes coming from you, I just feel like it's disrespectful. For me when we're. I'm thinking we're all. We might not be coming together, but we're where we're level. So anytime I hear those types of jokes, it's like, damn, you might not specifically be shooting them at me, but. But it just. It. It sparks outside world of. This is still funnier. Javi still did that years ago when it's like, that is behind me for. You know, I made all this work to get it behind me. So stuff like that just frustrates me. So that's why coming here, it's uncomfortable. It's just like, I took myself out of the TV world for a long time, and it's just. It just sucks.

[Kayla]

I think that's fair. I mean, I didn't know the Wawa jokes were, like. I don't ever think of them just in terms of you. I mean, I wrote about this is Up. I wrote about Wawa, my first book in 2014, about something that occurred there. And then I also talked to my podcast about something that happened with Wawa. So, like, for me, it's more than that. It's just, like, just the fact that people associate me with Wawa, it's never directed at you. Like, it never has been. At least on my end. You'll be glad to know that Wawa is out officially and Royal Farms is in. So we are. We are very much gonna be downplaying all the Wawa stuff. So that's out. So if that's any consolation to you, and I don't want to disrespect you in any way, and I want this to be. Especially with the things that are about to happen, I definitely want to respect you and respect that. So now that I know that I'm not going to participate in Wawa jokes, and you have my word on that, and so does Lauren and so does everyone in this room. So, you know, moving forward, I. I won't do that.

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[Kayla]

Right.

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[Kayla]

Soft and strong circle. Moving on to that, I have some questions that I, you know Those like crazy 3:00am Your mind is racing kind of questions. Aside from Spain and the Wawa conversation. Right. And feeling mixed emotions. Right. How do you think that we have done both you and me but then also Lauren and Elijah have done collectively as co parents for the last year or two.

[Elijah]

Yeah, co parents specifically. I think it's been great. I mean I think it's, I think Madrid. I think it was important actually. I think it was important. You saw the way Lauren was with just the kids in general and then vice versa. It was Important for me to see how Elijah was. I mean, I've never heard him say more than two words prior to Madrid. So to be in Madrid, no offense, but, like, he's just a quiet guy. So, like, when we're in Madrid and, you know, being able to play soccer, I didn't even know he knew how to play sports. Not that he's not athletic, but, you know, it was cool to be in that environment where I know Lincoln is okay on the other side. I mean, because it was always, hey, I have to trust whoever you bring into his life that you're making the right decision. And same thing for me. So to be able to see that firsthand, I think that's where it was good for everybody, to see everyone interacting with all the kids. So I think co. Parenting wise, it's fine if I need something for Lincoln. Hit you up or hit a lot, and Elijah will bring it. And there's no awkwardness. I don't think there's no. And vice versa. I don't think you've needed anything from Lauren, but I'm sure if you did, I don't know, but I'm sure if you did, I'm sure it would be fine.

[Kayla]

Yeah, I mean, I. It felt good knowing that I didn't have anything to worry about and not that I really ever did. I think it was always, like, we were really young when you and I were married and divorced. We were very young. And I think that we. You and I don't get a lot. A lot of grace for that. Like, I think that people still want to hold our past against us and, you know, people want to remember us how we used to be and not now. And I think that, you know, seeing it all firsthand, you and Lauren together with the kids and, you know, you guys have welcomed Lux in, you know, to go to the amusement park and stuff or stay at the amusement park. It was really nice for me because at one point you texted in a group chat and was like, oh, God, what I say?

[Elijah]

What are you about to say?

[Kayla]

No, it was with Elijah.

[Elijah]

Okay.

[Kayla]

And you said something along the line, like, I didn't know Elijah could run like that or something, or play soccer like that. Like, I think it surprised you. And so it was just. It was nice that. Because I was sick, so I couldn't even be down there. And so it was. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Just to be clear, we're talking about Spain. And so you had. You said you didn't know Elijah could play like that. And I don't know it felt good for me, too, because our dynamic is so different than, you know, what our dynamic used to be. And so Elijah getting involved with the kids that way and playing out on the soccer field with you guys, I think Lauren was out there. It was nice for me, too, because he wants to be a part of the crew, I think, you know, with. With being a sports parent. But because our dynamic is different with the babies and things like that, he doesn't get to go to all the stuff. And so it was nice for me to see him interact with you and Lauren and the kids. So I say all that to say that I think that Spain really opened my eyes, and I think that was a turning point for me and how I felt, you know, about Lauren and, you know, making sure that Lincoln's best interest is always top of mind.

[Elijah]

I think prior to Madrid, we were struggling with Lincoln because he thought we were. All four of us were always clashing.

[Kayla]

Yeah.

[Elijah]

And so he got away with. Or tried to get away with a couple things. Doing things differently here, coming to our house and saying. And doing things differently so that me and you would clash and be like, well, he's saying this. He's saying this over here. So, okay, so, you know, so then I think Madrid help that and being. Okay. Well, four of them are getting along, so I don't know if getting along, but all four of them are. Have my best interest. So we're trying to get Lincoln.

[Kayla]

In my experience with co parenting with Joe, with you, with Chris, I definitely. And I don't want to speak for all kids. I just want to speak for, like, my situations. I have noticed that when you and I are on the outs, Lincoln knows we don't have to say anything. He doesn't have to hear anything, but he knows. Same for Isaac. When. When Joe and I aren't getting along, Isaac knows. And I think that human nature, whether they. Whether the child knows they're doing it or not, subconsciously will pit them against each other to see what they can get away with. And I think that's a common theme from what I've read online, too. Like, it is common. It's not uncommon for kids to do that. But I definitely think that you and I have done a pretty good job tackling that once we see it starting to bubble up.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Kayla]

And I think for the. Since Spain, I've seen a change in Lincoln, like, not worried. He did know that I was coming to record with you today. He's like, am I in trouble? Because he. He was like, you guys get Together when I'm in trouble and I'm like, no, we're always going to be united for you, but it's not nothing you have to worry about. You're not in trouble. And he was like, oh, okay. So he, you know, he feels better, but how do you feel? I mean, I kind of already asked you, but how do you feel today about Elijah? Towards Elijah.

[Elijah]

Good. I mean, with what's going to go down, I mean, I feel like a. A bigger layer of trust is. Has to be there. And I genuinely, you know, I'm at peace and I'm okay knowing that Lincoln has him and he's going to be okay.

[Kayla]

Right. Okay. I think that's fair. Where do you think we could improve as co parents?

[Elijah]

Co parents, specifically?

[Kayla]

Well, we're only co parents, right?

[Elijah]

Yeah. No, I just mean, like, if we could just avoid the. The talking on the, you know, the jokes and stuff like that, I think it would. Co parenting has. Isn't an issue.

[Kayla]

Jokes on the podcast or jokes in life?

[Elijah]

No, no, on the podcast. Just, like, about, like, past stuff. No, no, yeah, we don't joke, like. No, no, I just mean, like, the past because it's hard for me. I tell you, like. Well, I don't tell you all the time, but, like, when I hear those jokes, it's hard for me to. Then, okay, I have to go somewhere. You have to go be nice at basketball or soccer. You know, the kids played soccer on the same team this year, so it was like, you know, it was just hard for me. So Eli and Lex are on the same. Well, they played on the same team and I was coaching them, so. So, yeah, it was. Yeah.

[Kayla]

Do. Are you aware of how much Lux looks up to you?

[Elijah]

Like, do you know, even after socks? Lauren said I was mean. I'm a mean coach. Did he tell you?

[Kayla]

No, I've never heard that. But, I mean, he looks up to you a lot. So I. I was. I was a little nervous about Flex playing, like, for you, because I've only ever seen you coach. Lincoln and Eli and Lux love each other. Like, they get along. They always have. So even when things were rocky, it would be, like, a little bit awkward at, like, games and stuff because they would be playing and none of us wanted to talk to each other. And so it was. And I don't know if Spain was the reason, but I felt more comfortable with, you know, Lux being on the same team as Eli and, you know, playing for you. And now they're on another team playing together, and I feel. I feel Pretty good about it. And I think that we can, you know, keep those boundaries in place while they get to be kids on the same soccer team.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Kayla]

Do you feel the same?

[Elijah]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the past team, it kind of took me back to like the MLT days where like everything was just kind of clashed and it was like one. I realized coaching that team. I do not like coaching at all.

[Kayla]

Why?

[Elijah]

Too much stress? Too much. The. I had high expectations. I've been told, and sometimes my voice, the way I come off or come across the field, like, it's just very. I just think I'm loud and I'm positive, but I've been told it doesn't come off that way. I don't know. So it's just, you know, I never want to make a kid feel bad, but it's just I have maybe I'm just, I don't know, high standards. I don't know. I'm not doing it anymore. I'm done. I'm done coaching.

[Kayla]

You're not even gonna coach Eli?

[Elijah]

No.

[Kayla]

Okay. I mean, maybe it's for the best. You guys know, it's in the best interest of Eli, so I won't.

[Elijah]

Eli won't let me anyway.

[Kayla]

Maybe Lauren should coach.

[Elijah]

Yeah. So she feels good. She feels what?

[Kayla]

I feel that all being said, your. Your time in Delaware has come to an end. And so you're moving out of Delaware this summer.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Kayla]

What does that look like for you? And what was the decision making process there? Like, how did you decide where you're going, when you're going, etc.

[Elijah]

How does it look like for me in, like a professional standpoint?

[Kayla]

Yeah. So you're going to continue recruiting, I'm assuming. Okay.

[Elijah]

Yeah. Basically what happens was we already kind of touched on it. My time was coming up, so it was like, okay, well, where can I go? What are my options? So Virginia came up and after talking about it with Lauren, we felt like that was probably best case scenario. They didn't know what was going to happen with Lincoln. We thought, worst case scenario, we're at least driving distance. We don't have to jump on a plane or anything like that. So it was, hey, take Virginia. Or when your time does come up, when your three year mark hits, you're gonna get whatever is. Whatever's on the table.

[Kayla]

So it could have been like Minot, North Dakota.

[Elijah]

Yeah, it could have been California, whatever was on the table at that time. So I wouldn't have. I would have to pick out of.

[Kayla]

The whatever's on there, knowing that There could be an even closer base at that time. Like you picked Virginia, but like, you didn't want to risk whether it was a closer one or one that's even further away, right? Like if, say when your third, when your three years came up, you could have been like, well, it was going.

[Elijah]

To be closer because so how it works is positions come out every month, so you see who's applying, you see who gets those positions. So the Maryland and New Jerseys just got there, so I knew they had three years there at least at a minimum, before those positions would open up again. So I was like, okay, well that's taking me off the board for those, so what's left? And then it was like, well, Virginia's coming up. I was like, okay, well that's the next closest. That's probably best case scenario. So I didn't want to take that risk of waiting to the end of either deciding, hey, we're moving to wherever, or I got to get out. And I don't think getting out was an option for me.

[Kayla]

Was this decision influenced at all by creating more distance between you and me or Elijah and myself and you and Lauren?

[Elijah]

No, this is strictly professional, work wise. I mean, the military has done so many good things for all of us. I mean, it pays for Lincoln's health insurance, it'll pay for some of his school when he gets there. I've been in for 12 years. I've worked too hard to get to where I'm at as far as rank and all that stuff where I'm sitting at the table. I'm really good at it.

[Kayla]

No, no, for sure. And I don't want to dismiss that you're good at your job. I just didn't know if the thought process behind leaving earlier than, you know, your three year mark was okay. This would create distance between, between the families, basically.

[Elijah]

No, the, the, the thought process, decision making was strictly, hey, I need to take my career into my own hands before they tell me this is all you got left.

[Kayla]

Right. Because I mean, you add a plane ride in there, I mean, that would create a whole new situation if we.

[Elijah]

If you would have been way different. Different than what it are, what we came to. A plane ride would have just.

[Kayla]

Yeah, that would have have exacerbated any pain that we're already going through.

[Elijah]

Yeah, that would have been tough.

[Kayla]

So when you let me know that you were going to Virginia, we sort of, I don't want to say went at it because I don't think we argued about it, but it was definitely did We.

[Elijah]

We went at it.

[Kayla]

Okay?

[Javi Marquin]

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[Kayla]

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[Elijah]

You don't think so?

[Kayla]

I don't think it could have gone any other way like I don't think that there, yes, we went at it, but I don't think that there was going to be an easier conversation. Like there was no way to make it any easier. So we, we disagreed I think on several occasions about what was going to happen.

[Elijah]

And so, yeah, so like when I brought it to you, obviously the initial emotions and that kick it in, everyone's angry, okay, let's let it dust off. And then how'd you feel? Or what was your mind? What did you think? Because I told you basically I wanted Lincoln. I think I told you I wanted link for the school here or I might have not said that, but I told you I thought Lincoln was not better because this is a shitty situation. It's not. You have two shitty parents and it's, it's, it's a no brainer. Right. He, he deserved to be with this parent more than this parent. Right. I feel like it was down the middle. I simply just took it as I thought our, my connection with Lincoln was a little bit more crucial at the age he's at to be with me. I don't want to say more important, it's more crucial to be with me now for the next three years or whatever than it was to stay. So that was my standpoint and that's how I was looking at it When I approached you, how'd you feel?

[Kayla]

I also felt that way. I felt like given his age, because we started having this conversation when he was 10. So my thought process was, okay, this will be an entirely different conversation at 10 and 13. So my thought was, okay, if he goes, he gets stationed somewhere, Lincoln stays with me. And at 13 we would basically reevaluate the situation. And if he said, I want to go live with my dad, I just think it would be a different conversation. So that's sort of where we basically were thinking the same thing, in my opinion. And so, and I think that both of us are valid in our feelings. I think both of our points are valid. I think that, and I agree with you that I mean Lincoln has only ever known 50, 50. This has always been. And if you ever wanted a week on, on my time, I'd give it to you. And vice versa. So we've always worked together in that way. And so when you're going to court for relocation and you have two parents that are always doing what's in the best interest of their children and we don't really out like co parenting for us, I feel like, I don't want to say it's been easy That's. I don't. Because it hasn't been easy, but we always put Lincoln first. So when you have two parents that are both doing their very best, it's so hard. And I just, I couldn't imagine putting that in a judge's hands. Like, I couldn't. So when we. We were in Disney, Elijah and I took the kids to Disney when we had our. I guess it was like a case review or like a pre trial, you and me. With the judge.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Kayla]

And the judge was just like, he was brutal.

[Elijah]

He was, he was. I was very discouraged after that call. I'm not gonna lie. I was very discouraged. Well, after that call, I was like. I think I told Lauren. I was like, this, this sucks. I'm not gonna get nothing. This judge is like, what is it? Well, me and you, but it head. Let's backtrack a little bit, if you don't mind. Yeah, yeah, me and you, but it heads. Because you felt, and correct me if I'm wrong, that Lincoln shouldn't have been involved. Maybe. What was it like? The. You didn't want me to tell him or you didn't want me to, or you didn't want him to know something like that?

[Kayla]

I did not want you to tell him when you told him. And I thought that we were on the same page about telling him at the same, like we were going to be together when we told him. So when you told it, you were like, you emailed me and you were like, I'm telling him. I was really upset by that because we are so good. I just felt like if we were you, if we were united about it, whatever that looked like, it would have just set a better example because I think at that point he thought that we were kind of going against each other. And I didn't know if he knew how to feel about it. And I didn't want him to feel like, oh, I'm. When I'm at my dad's, I want to tell my dad. I think he wants to hear that I want to go with him. But then when I'm at my mom's, I think she wants to hear that I want to stay with her. And so that's what I was afraid of. I. I'll be honest with you. I. I think that is what set the judge off, that you told him Fair.

[Elijah]

Well, yeah, that's what he said. But where I was coming from with that was my path of moving forward with custody was going to be based off of his answer. Right. And so if he would have said it was either school year or summer. Because let's get that. I think both of our attorneys said, hey, this is.

[Kayla]

There's no other way to do it.

[Elijah]

Yeah, this is the baseline. So one parent's gonna get school, one parent's gonna get summer, we'll figure out the holidays. So it was okay. That's at a minimum. So I was like, okay, Link, this is the situation. I. It wasn't if, if I'm moving, it's. This is, I'm moving. How do you feel about it? This is it, school year. Who do you. Where do you want to go? Because based off of his answer was going to be my driving factor of, hey, is this even a fight I'm going to put up? Or if he says, hey, I want to stay with my mom. Okay, well then what am I fighting for if you don't want to come with me? That's how I took. So if he would have said that, then I don't need it. Why am I going to spend thousand dollars on an attorney and put this in a judge's hand? So for me, when he was like, no, I want to go with you, and it's hard. I get it. He's telling you one thing, he wants to stay with you. He's telling us he wants to go with us. And I can only. I can't imagine the emotions and feelings an 11 year old is going through. So for him to say, hey, I want to go with you, I was like, okay, well, I'm going to do everything I can. It's just a pain that is, this is a feeling that it's, it's a shitty feeling for everybody. And it sucks because like, he cries with me and he cries with you. It was the same. Right? So he would go to sleep and I'm just like, hey, are you okay? You know, and he'll just start crying and I want to go with you. And I know I'm doing, you know, let me handle that. I'm doing everything I can. Where you just got to let it ride out. And so that was my driving force as to why I thought I needed to tell Lincoln. So. And then when we get to the, with the judge, it was, he was like, oh, well, why does, why does he even tell him? Or something like that. I'm like, I just don't get it. I don't understand it in my, my attorney. No, how can I, how can you not? Lincoln's not Lux or Creed's age. Right. I get that. If they're that little Lincoln's 11 or 10 at the time, whatever he was. How can you not get his opinion on it?

[Kayla]

I didn't want to get his opinion on it at his age, even 11, because I do think that. Because he was breaking down to me, you know, and, and not to put all of Lincoln's business out there, but he was breaking down to me about wanting to stay. And then, and then towards like closer to now, not right now, but closer to now. It's, he, I, I think he's torn because we're back to being okay. Like, you and I are getting along, we're co parenting, everyone's copacetic.

[Elijah]

So he's torn with what?

[Kayla]

I think that closer to now because he, we haven't talked about it in a long time. I think that he's, it maybe hasn't sunk in for him. Like he doesn't realize what's about to happen. But I, my apprehension about telling him at his age was that it was going to weigh in on him the way that it did. Right? Like it played out exactly how I thought it would, which was that he was gonna cry to you and also cry to me about staying and leaving. He's never had to make a choice, right? Like, he's never had to choose between parents. And that was sort of, I think what the judge was getting at was like, we're putting adult decisions on him so young, right? Like, it wasn't like asking a 13 year old who's about to go to high school. It was asking, you know, a fourth, fifth grader how. What they want. And I, I just think at that point it, maybe we could have gone to him and say, hey, this is what we're doing and not really given him the choice because if, if he feels like the choice is up to him, he knows that he's going to disappoint one of us by not saying what one of us wants to hear. Does that make sense? Am I making sense?

[Elijah]

But correct me if I'm wrong, we couldn't get with him together because we didn't agree on what each other wanted. I can't, I can't remember. Like, I thought we argued because. Yeah, well, I don't, because I, I remember we couldn't tell him together because we weren't agreeing on something. I don't remember exactly.

[Kayla]

I think it was that. I think it was like, oh, yeah.

[Elijah]

I think you, you didn't want to tell him. And I did. I said, well, I'm gonna tell him, he's my son. You know, I think that. That might have been it.

[Kayla]

Yeah.

[Elijah]

Charles very discouraged after that. The judge came in and he was hot, and he was. I don't think. I don't think he was anti military, but he was just like, oh, well, he was gonna move. And I felt very discouraged.

[Kayla]

I do think that if it went to trial, it would have been a lot harder for the judge to decide. Once he sees, okay, both of these parents are perfectly fine. They're perfectly capable. They're financially sound. They're emotionally there. They're physically. You know what I mean? I think that it would have been a very hard decision for him to make. So I think. And I don't want to speak for the judge because I don't know him, but being that you were the one to move and it. It's sort of the closest option. I think if I had to guess, maybe that's why he was thinking that way. Like, okay, you're moving. It's close. It's within driving distance. We can make this work.

[Elijah]

Yeah, Well, I thought I was losing the battle, and not to put it in that tense, but I. I thought when we went. Met at mediation, I felt kind of backed in a corner. Honestly, if I'm being honest, I felt like I was at a corner. I remember I called Lauren crying, saying, this, I have to take it. This. If it goes to a judge, I'm gonna lose. If it goes to a judge, it's gonna be worse. And we can get into the details of that. We don't fast forward, but I thought I felt like I was in a corner by the time we met in that mediation room.

[Kayla]

How do you feel now?

[Elijah]

Conflicting. Part of me doesn't understand. So we agreed in one year, whatever Lincoln says, that's kind of right. So it was like, how does one year differ? One year make that much of a difference? That that's what you fought for?

[Kayla]

I think it's. You're.

[Elijah]

Does that make sense?

[Kayla]

Well, for me, yeah, I think it makes sense. I understand what you're saying, but I think for me, it's. You guys have never lived there. Don't know if you're gonna like it. If there is a possibility for you to leave at any point after you get there, and you're like, we hate it here. What if you guys decide that you're gonna come back? That's like my. Not that I wish on your downfall. And, Lauren, please don't take it that way. I'm talking to both of you is like, I don't wish on your downfall, but, like, in A perfect world. I want Lincoln to have 50, 50 until he graduates high school, right like that. For me it's like, okay, what if you guys go and you hate it? I mean, I'm never going to say that to Lincoln. But you know, and second to that is, you know, I do think it's a different conversation when he's a little bit older. That is sort of where I'm at. And we talked about how he's in the same school this year and he'll be in the same school next year. At the point that he's done with school in sixth grade and transitioning anyway, I think it makes more sense. And I also think that I do understand that a father's presence in a, a boy's life or a young man's life is very important. But I also think that there is a very small window for some mother son relationships to sort of develop a little bit. And so I, my hope is that I will have, you know, if he decides at the end of next year that he wants to go with you, I, I will feel confident in our insecure, that our relationship is secure no matter what. And so that when he leaves to go with you, like it's not going to change anything between us. And so I think that one extra year for me and him will be beneficial to not just me, but to him. And, and I know that you guys have your, your bond and, and you guys bond over sports and you know, I know Lauren's into sports and things like that. And so I just think the transition period in everyone's lives a year from now makes more sense.

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[Javi Marquin]

Simple.

[Elijah]

Yeah, I mean, I struggle. Part of my argument before we even went to mediation was I struggle with I told your career. So, like the way the custody is written out here is you'll have them school year. I don't know if you want to say talk details, but you'll have, yeah, you're fine. You'll have them school year. I'll have them summer and then all the holidays and three days in between. So it's like, okay, you're gonna be the primary. But just like I'm putting my career, you know, this is what I got to do for my career. Same as you. Right? You're busy, you know, your network and everything's blowing up, which is great. But for you to want that bond, how are you going to do that.

[Kayla]

At the point that I knew that you were moving and I'm not going to have 50. 50. I also don't have 5050 with Lux and Crete either. So this sort of opened my eyes to I have to scale back my travel so there's no other option. And I try to do it when I, you know, if there's a three day weekend and I know that the kids are going to be with you or with Chris or, you know, whatever that looks like, that's when I try to do my three day. Obviously it's not always going to pan out that way, but I try to make sure that I'm in and I'm out. I'm not flying, I'm not getting on planes, I'm not touring. I canceled all my tour dates for the first six months of the year. This opened my Eyes. Because I said, okay, well, at the end of the day, my relationship with my son comes first. And co parenting with you has to come second in a circumstance like this. So, you know, I say all that to say that we both have to do what we have to do for our careers. And I don't think that either one of us can expect the other one to, you know, just get out of the military or just stop traveling altogether. Right. Because at the end of the day, we have to have these finances in order to be able to put Lincoln first and to be able to come together to do all of this stuff. So, I mean, I don't want to say that I'm hopeful that you guys aren't going to like it, but I just. Just maybe there's a chance you'll come back.

[Elijah]

There's nowhere for me to come back to. That's the problem. There's nowhere for me to come back.

[Kayla]

If there. If there was, would you come back?

[Elijah]

Would you consider it recruiting? It's. Yeah. I mean, everything's always up for consideration. I mean, hey, we'll give you a strike, you know, E8 if you take Dover or, you know, stuff like that. I don't know. You know, only my ball. We. There's a career path for me, and what that looks like, I don't know yet. I just know right now I gotta go crushing Virginia, right? So I know right now the next step in my career is, hey, we know you're gonna go crushing Virginia. Go crush it in Virginia. That's what we need you to do right now. Okay, so once Virginia's up, what's next in my. Where. Where. Where do you guys need me? Right? And so that's where I struggle. And honestly, for you, right, It's. And same for me. I got to be okay with it, too, is Lincoln's gonna come to an age where the custody we have, he's not going to want to go back and forth. Right.

[Kayla]

So can I cut you off right there?

[Elijah]

Sure.

[Kayla]

I don't know about that because, I mean, even Isaac, who I would. For. For a short while there, he wanted to be with me full time. Right? But he flat out told me that even though he wants to be with me full time, he's never gonna not go to his dad's. Like, he doesn't ever want to do that to his dad. Right? So, I mean, it's possible that he. Maybe. Maybe it's not exactly 50 50, but at the point that he's driving and he's able to go back and forth kind of as he sees fit.

[Elijah]

But I'm seeing it more of, like, getting older in puberty and girls and friends and, like, you know, because, damn, every holiday I got to go to Virginia or I got to go back to Delaware when, like, I got friends here. Like, I don't even get to spend the summer with my friends here, or I don't get to see vice versa. So he's going to get to an age where we're going to have to come back together and say, hey. And even with the current custody, it might be a lot on him. So, yeah, we did the best we could and gave each other what we thought was best case scenario. But it might be a lot of him to travel, and he might say, hey, this is a lot of travel. I mean, you got to come back together. Say, this. This is putting a toll on him. What would.

[Kayla]

What would you do if I emailed you guys tomorrow and said, I'm filing to relocate to Virginia?

[Elijah]

That's almost impossible. Like, let's be real.

[Kayla]

I'm just asking.

[Elijah]

But, like, that's a hypothetical. That's not gonna happen.

[Kayla]

No, I'm saying how would you feel about it? How would you feel if I said. Because I feel like. Like there has to be some. Some excitement about just getting away from the situation and, you know, not crossing paths ever. Right. So would you. How would you feel about that? Would you be okay with it for Lincoln, or would you be like, oh, no, that's too close for comfort.

[Elijah]

Not even too. But, like, Virginia is not going to be forever home. So not only is it impossible for your custody with all the kids you have, why would you follow. You know, you're following me.

[Kayla]

Why would you do that for Lincoln? And I told my lawyer this, and she was not really thrilled about it, but I was like, I cannot imagine a world without 50. 50 for Lincoln. That is where I'm coming from. I already don't have 50. 50 with Lux and Creed. Right. Elijah was already stationed where you're going. He was already there. So to me, I was like, okay, well, is it a. Is it a far stretch for me to say, okay, well, then I'm. And Chris doesn't live in Delaware, so he's already out of the state. So my thought was, okay, could I make it work where I relocate to Virginia so that Lincoln still. I can't imagine, one, my household without him, and two, you know, not him not having 50. 50. So that was sort of my thought process, and my attorney was like, that is not realistic for you. But that's where my mind went. For Lincoln. Because why not? That's sort of where I was at. I mean, now I know, based on how the judge reacted, it's not going to go well for me either. If I tried, no matter where it was, Virginia, New Jersey, no matter what, I think the judge would be like, you've lost your mind. But I would be lying to you if I didn't say, well, that absolutely crossed my mind. Just so that Lincoln could have 50. 50. It's not like I have 50. 50 with all of them. Do you know. Do you get what I'm saying? Like, where I'm coming from on this?

[Elijah]

Yeah, yeah, no, I hear you. Yeah. I mean, not having 50, 50. Lincoln is tough. And talking with Lincoln about it now, it's like, okay, you know, I asked him, are you okay? How are you feeling? Because the time is getting closer. And, you know, I talked to him. I said, listen, nothing's gonna change. Nothing. We're gonna do our best. I'm not gonna be able to come every weekend to all your stuff, but I'm gonna do my best to. I'm still your dad. And. And, you know, we figured out, so, not having to. Do you want to talk about what we. How mediation went? How? Yeah, how do you think that we went in there? How do you think? When you went into mediation away, I.

[Kayla]

Didn'T know what was going to happen. Truly. I didn't know that you felt backed into a corner. I think when we saw all the dates on paper and looking at school year versus summer and holidays and three day weekends, it became so real to me. And I don't think that there was. I don't think it could have gone better, but I also don't. I think it could have been significantly worse.

[Elijah]

Well, I mean, I thought before we went up to mediation, I. For whatever reason, I was taken under the impression that you. We. I was gonna get to school year and just based off of, you know, things you were saying, like, oh, summer camp in Virginia, you know, I'll bring Lux. I was like, okay.

[Kayla]

Which I'm doing well.

[Elijah]

I was just like, okay. Well, for whatever reason, I was getting under the impression that, okay, maybe she. She's, you know, things cooled off, she's calm. And I was gonna get to school year, and you were gonna get summer. So when I went in there, I thought I had, you know, a pretty good offer. It was, hey.

[Kayla]

And you did.

[Elijah]

Here are all the dates.

[Caitlyn Bristow]

Yeah.

[Elijah]

Yeah. Here are all the dates. And you just weren't budging Neither were you. I mean, you were just stone cold. You were just arguing back and forth. I was like, damn, I thought this was a good deal. This is a sweet deal. So I was. So then when you weren't budging, I was like, okay, well, it was just mediation didn't go well. For whatever reason, I thought.

[Kayla]

You don't think it went well?

[Elijah]

Yeah, at the end, because I had no choice.

[Kayla]

But you didn't give me the decision that day. You didn't tell your. You didn't give us a decision that day. You said you were going to go. Think about it. And so at that point, I was like, oh, we're going to trial.

[Elijah]

Yeah. I mean, I don't. I don't know why I got that feeling, man. I just thought there was things you said that I was like, okay. I felt good about it. I was like, okay, maybe we're gonna go to mediation. And she's gonna say, you know, you take the school and I'll take the summer, and we'll figure out the holidays in between.

[Kayla]

I think.

[Elijah]

Did you even consider it? Honestly?

[Kayla]

Yeah, I did. But I think my. The deciding factor for this summer versus school year, which is what I was about to say anyways, is that I have 50. 50 summer. If I got summers and you got school year, out of the 12 weeks in the summertime, he would only see Lux and Creed six weeks out of the entire year. Because I don't. I give the holidays to Joe and Chris. So spring break, fall break, if there is one, and Christmas break, I'll go to Chris and Joe. So I'm not. Even if I got Lincoln on those weeks, the brothers and sister, the. His brothers wouldn't be there. So me fighting for Lincoln during the school year was so that he could still continue to have that relationship with his brothers for right now. And I think, you know, for the time being, I think it's crucial for him not saying that Eli's not important, because he absolutely is. But I know that, you know, Lux and Lincoln have a bond as well, and he's. They're closer in age. And so if you remove Lincoln from the school year and he was only here in the summer, he's only having them. He's only going to be around them for six years, six weeks out of the entire year. So that was a point to consider. If Lincoln goes with you for the summertime, he has the entire summer with Eli and Maisie. And I do. I do understand the point that, like, as he gets older and puberty and friends and you Know, driving. And I know that you don't. I've tried to bring it up to you before, but, like, that's gonna come quick. Right? So to me, I was just trying to, you know, soak up these last, like, year, maybe two, if that, like, of developing our relationship, the security in our relationships, bonding with the brothers. Because I do think that there is a very high chance, if not an almost certain chance, that he will decide to go with you next year. And so just making sure that everything is, you know, he has that extra time with his brothers for, you know, one last school year.

[Elijah]

Yeah. And in a situation like this, it's.

[Kayla]

Nobody wins.

[Elijah]

Nobody wins.

[Kayla]

And so me getting the school year is not a win. And I know that you might view it differently, but it's not a win. It's not a win for either of us, and it's not a win for the siblings, and it's not a win for Lincoln.

[Elijah]

It can go both ways. As far as, you know, you wanted him to bond with your side, your kids, and then same thing with him. Eli is all he knows. Such an amazing. He's not only know. So Eli is all he knows. So to wrap my head around where, hey, you're not going to have him for the school year. Right now, he knows, hey, when's Bubba coming home? Stuff like that. So my take in mediation was. I felt like that was your driving force. Instead of looking at, from where I was coming from, of just Lincoln, what is the best case scenario for Lincoln with the parent? Right. So I thought I had a strong argument of he needed to be with me, taking the kids out of it. Although it is. It is a factor in it. Right. You're going to play it in. But the majority of it was which parent is gonna, for this first year, be the best to help them adapt, help them transition into whatever we decided. And that's why I went. When I went into mediation and you weren't budging, I was like, well, this sucks. This is not how I thought it was gonna go, honestly. And that's how. That's why I fell in the corner. So when I asked you to step out with your attorney or whenever you guys went out, you know, I was crying.

[Kayla]

Oh, me too. I went in the bathrooms, balling my eyes out.

[Elijah]

Yeah. I called Lauren and I said, this is it. I have to take it. If it goes to a judge, I'm gonna get half of what I'm getting right now. That's how I felt. I'll get to Summer. Right. No judge in the Right mind is gonna give me every holiday, but I pretty much did. And I just thought Lincoln getting out of Delaware was just crucial for these middle school years. There's just. I'm. It's, you know, take. I'm excited to grow out of the. Get out of Delaware. I don't know if you love Delaware that much.

[Kayla]

I don't have a choice. We're all here because of you. So. And. And that's, I think, too, like, thinking about and. And not that I am here to speak for Joe and his family or even V and her family, but, like, I think us coming to Delaware has spiderwebbed into something so much bigger that none of us can control. Right? And like, I don't make my day to day decisions off you and Lauren, and I don't make my day to day decisions off of Joe and V and vice versa. Like, I don't. I can't expect you guys to make your decisions off of us, but I think that there is something to be said about what is. What we have created, and that is the spiderweb. So if you pull on the spider web on one side, that entire spiderweb is having a ripple effect, right? Because Joe moved here, his mom moved here, V moved here for Joe. V's sister just moved here. So there is so many layers to this. And I think it's nobody's fault, right? It's just the circumstances of life and the phases of life that we're going through is like, in order to progress in your career, you have to move. But it sucks because the rest of us don't have the option to relocate. So it's like you get to relocate and you are excited to leave. I would have left a long time ago if it was up to me, because my career could soar in Atlanta, Texas, California, New York. Like, my career could have flourished, but I don't have a choice. You get the choice of leaving and we don't. So that's sort of where it's tricky because I hear you when you say you want to get Lincoln out of here, but at the same time, Lincoln doesn't know any different. He was born here, he's been raised here. And so.

[Elijah]

But we know different not to cut you off. We know life was better out of Delaware. And so, like, you knew whenever we got married that I was joining the military, and that was always a possibility. I've just been lucky for 12 years that I've been blessed to be able to stay here. Joe knew that when he met, so that that can't fall on me. Because. Because eventually it's kind of like breaking generational trauma. Eventually. Hey, you understand the career field that.

[Kayla]

I'm in, but I don't think that they ever thought that it was a possibility that we would like, say you and I stayed married. I don't think that anyone thought. I mean, your parents moved here, your sister moved here, your brother moved closer. Military is different story. But I honestly don't think that it ever crossed their mind that you could be stationed again somewhere else.

[Elijah]

But like, I'm just in facts of you saying the ripple, like, oh, his mom moved here, the sister moved here. That's their own decisions. Right?

[Kayla]

So like, no, of course.

[Elijah]

No, no. But like, you can't. That's not.

[Kayla]

I'm not blaming you. I don't want it to come across as like me blaming you. What I'm saying is that. That you and I know that we both would have moved out of Delaware. Right. But the circumstances didn't allow it. Now the circumstances have allowed you to move, but the rest of us can't. Like, we literally can't. Because I know after. After talking to the judge when we went to our pre trial, I understand now that I have zero, slim, slim to none chances of being able to move out of Delaware.

[Elijah]

Yeah. And so that just knowing how much better life would be outside of Delaware, that that's what I wanted to give Lincoln him. Right. That's better. Sports. I. I complained to you about sports. Where we put them. We've tried. We've gone up and down the state trying to find just a good program, just good coaches, and we're driving an hour up north. That didn't work out. We thought it was bad. We tried here. This not enough for him. Right. So it was just for me. That's how I. That was part of my reasoning. There's nothing in Delaware where he's thriving that he can't get equal to or better. Hopefully in Virginia. Yeah.

[Kayla]

But now you have the opportunity for this next year to test it out with Eli.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Kayla]

Silver linings. In terms of co parenting. Do you think that you, Lauren, myself and Elijah are solid enough to be doing this? We don't have a choice. But do you think that we're solid enough to do what we need to do for Lincoln over state lines?

[Javi Marquin]

All right, you guys, thank you so much for tuning in to part one. Part two is dropping on Tuesday and I'm super excited for you guys to hear who else is on. On part two.

[Kayla]

If you could please respect and give.

[Javi Marquin]

Us some grace during this time and also just be kind in the comments, the feedback.

[Kayla]

We're real people with real feelings.

[Javi Marquin]

We're trying to come together the best we can for our son and to raise our family peacefully. So if we could just keep the comments respectful, that would be super great. And we'll see you on Tuesday.

[Nurture Life]

All right. I may not be as funny as Nikki Laser.

[Elijah]

I want to pitch a series of, like, calendars where men are just crying in a therapist's office or punching a.

[Kayla]

Pillow and working out their anger towards their dad.

[Nurture Life]

But I do have my moments. I actually have full conversations with the moon. Yes, I try to keep it pretty balanced on this podcast. A little fun dance between comedy therapy, self medicating. Oh, and sorry if you haven't guessed. Hi, I'm Caitlyn Bristow, host of off the vine podcast, where we like to just keep things loose and keep them raw and keep them real. Like when we have listeners call in and give confessions.

[Kayla]

And then that glass of wine progressed into me becoming a unicorn for them, so.

[Nurture Life]

But we do, and I promise you this, try to keep it honest and vulnerable. So jump on the wagon, not off. Grab your favorite bottle of wine, preferably spade and sparrows, and join the vinos. Have yourself a time. The off the vine podcast is available wherever you get your podcast.

[Caitlyn Bristow]

Are you looking for your next case? Pluto TV has all your favorite crime dramas streaming for free. We're gonna need some backup, which means suspense is free.

[Tax Act]

Very cool.

[Caitlyn Bristow]

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[Elijah]

You can't outrun this.

[Caitlyn Bristow]

Someone is gonna pay for all this crime, but it's not gonna be you. Take care of business, fellas. Watch all the cases, all for free from all your favorite devices.

[Kayla]

We got you.

[Caitlyn Bristow]

Feel the free Pluto TV stream. Now pay.

[Elijah]

Never.