Barely Famous Podcast – “Confessions of a Diagnosed Narcissist with Lee Hammock”

Host: Kail Lowry
Guest: Lee Hammock (a.k.a. Mental Healness)
Date: April 10, 2026

Episode Overview

In this thought-provoking and candid episode, host Kail Lowry sits down with Lee Hammock, a diagnosed narcissist, TikTok creator, and outspoken mental health advocate. Together, they dive deep into what it means to live with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), challenge myths and misunderstandings about narcissism, and explore how therapy, self-awareness, and family dynamics play into healing and accountability. Lee’s openness humanizes the struggles behind the label, offering both professionals and those affected by narcissists new understanding and hope.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Lee Hammock’s Diagnosis and Early Experiences with Narcissism

• Diagnosed with NPD in 2018 after years of confusion around his behaviors and their impact.
• His introduction to narcissism came not from clinical resources, but from his wife labeling him:

  "My wife called me a narcissist. She was like, ‘It’s so damn hard living with a narcissist.’” (01:19, Lee)

• An emotional “angry Googling” session led him to self-recognition:

  “Wait, this kind of makes sense for my life. I was like, damn, this might be it.” (01:54, Lee)

• Felt a mixture of “awakening” and pain admitting his diagnosis, but it provided long-needed answers.

2. Therapy Journey & Truth-Telling

• Entered therapy in 2017, but for the first two years withheld key truths out of shame and self-protection:

  “I’m sharing the truth, but I’m kind of leaving things out… Just, like, lying by omission.” (06:19, Lee)

• Major progress began only after his wife left him again in 2020, spurring honest self-examination.
• Developed rituals (even taking a shot before sessions) to help combat anxiety about self-disclosure.
• On the transformative power of telling the truth:

  “Now we can really do the work now. The actual positive stuff can happen now because you’re being open, honest.” (11:01, Lee’s therapist via Lee)

• Kail asks about the shame and relief in coming clean:

  "Did that hurt for you to admit that?" (02:12, Kail)

3. How Narcissism Manifests—Family, Upbringing & Personalities

• Lee shares insights on the roots of narcissism:

  “You can develop narcissism based on neglect… But you can also become an empath or have borderline personality disorder from the same environment.” (21:29, Lee)

• Growing up with a twin, his brother didn’t develop narcissism:

  “I have a twin brother, right? He’s not a narcissist.” (21:47, Lee)

• Lee only truly developed a sense of self at around 8 or 9 years old, having modeled his brother before then.

4. Narcissistic Relationships: Marriage, Parenting, and Regrets

• Narcissism affected his ability to bond with family:

  “My oldest son… got the brunt of that for his first eight, nine years of life… My daughter doesn't know none of that.” (15:22, Lee)

• On marriage and vulnerability:

  “I do love my wife, I do love my kids, but I always want to fit in… Like, how do I not look like an alien?” (30:09, Lee)

• Admits his initial drive for “normal life” was about societal expectations, not purely emotional connection.
• Explains how misperceptions (his wife doubting he wanted to marry her) led to rage and defensiveness rather than comfort.

5. Types of Narcissists and Misconceptions

• Kail presses for clarity about the term “narcissist” and public misunderstanding:

  “I always thought a narcissist doesn’t know that they’re a narcissist… Is that true?” (19:16, Kail)

• Lee sharpens the difference between malignant narcissists (who are calculated, almost psychopathic) and those more driven by survival mechanisms.
• “Most narcissists know they’re being manipulative. I don’t think they know why.” (18:54, Lee)

6. Family of Origin, Generational Trauma, and Mental Health

• Lee recounts harrowing family history, linking it to his diagnosis (e.g., his father’s trauma from witnessing his own father’s suicide).
• Discusses the psychological evaluation process and genetic/epigenetic aspects.
• Describes how family patterns shaped his own emotional shutdowns and coping strategies.

7. Narcissistic Abuse and the Cycle of Manipulation

• Explains “love bombing” and “devaluation” as classic patterns:

  “It starts with love bombing… Then once they love bombing ends, they start devaluing you.” (46:06, Lee)

• Breadcrumbing and intermittent reinforcement keep partners hooked, craving earlier affection.
• Lee candidly admits that when his wife left, his mind immediately shifted to “how do I manipulate her to come back.”

8. Healing, Recovery, and Self-Work

• The importance of forgiving oneself and truly committing to internal change, not just external behaviors for others’ approval.
• Describes “mirror talk” and his unique process for self-forgiveness:

  “I started literally getting very specific with my apologies to myself… and I started crying. And I came out the bathroom, I was just like, I actually feel better.” (16:12–18:22, Lee)

• Lee details how his healing must be about his own growth, not for accolades or even to keep people in his life.

9. Narcissism’s Prevalence and Stigma

• Disputes the idea that narcissism affects only 1% of the population; some researchers estimate 15–20%.
• Notes that most narcissists are not diagnosed (partly because denial is a symptom).

10. Narcissism vs. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

• Kail questions if she may also have narcissism; Lee instead identifies more with BPD traits.

  “Could you be more lean towards Borderline? Yeah… you have empathy if you care for your kids. I feel like you would die for your kids, right? Narcissists wouldn’t do that unless they were…” (59:29, Lee)

• Lee highlights key differences in empathy, attachment, and self-perception between the disorders.

11. Religion, Manipulation, and Self-Presentation

• Lee openly rails against narcissists who use religion for image rehabilitation:

  “If I would, I could cheat on my wife, beat her… and I was just like, you know what? God told me that I needed to change my life. And people would fall for it.” (83:04, Lee)

• They criticize performative religious personas and the public’s tendency to instantly forgive such dramatic conversions.

12. Empathy, Healing Others, and Social Media

• Distinguishes between emotional and cognitive empathy:

  “I might not connect to it, but I get it. Right. And because I get it, I can empathize with you.” (88:12, Lee)

• Kail:

  “I cry so much, my boyfriend doesn’t know what to do with me.” (88:19, Kail)

• Lee’s ability to maintain cognitive empathy allows him to help others without becoming overwhelmed.
• On social media, Lee acknowledges it can feed ego, but for him, it’s also an ongoing form of accountability and public service.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lee’s self-discovery:

  “Wait, this kind of makes sense for my life. I was like, damn, this might be it.” (01:54)

• On telling the full truth in therapy:

  “The first two and a half years… I’m sharing the truth, but I’m kind of leaving things out, you know, because I don’t want to fully be exposed or embarrassed.” (06:19)

• On inheriting trauma:

  “I didn’t cry for so long. It was crazy.” (35:54)

• On advice to others:

  “If you override your own intuition, you end up in toxicity.” (72:13)

• On craving validation and performance in relationships:

  “If it only benefits you, maybe it’s not the best decision.” (70:42)

• On the hardest part of growth:

  “It feels like physical pain… Somebody stabbing me.” [on apologizing/accountability] (100:09)

• Kail on BPD:

  “Sometimes I think I have BPD also.” (57:53)

• On the misuse of religion:

  “If you want to pretend to be a good person, all you had to do is put Christian in your bio. It really is easy. That’s the easiest way to divert attention from yourself is to just become religious.” (84:08)

• On empathy:

  “I get it. I got you. Come here. … I can empathize with you at the same time. Like, that really does suck that you went through that experience.” (90:04)

• On working with survivors:

  “I do get joy out of helping people like that… Kind of like a healing tree. I helped you, and now you can help other people too.” (106:14)

Timestamps for Crucial Segments

• Lee’s diagnosis and “angry Googling” – 01:19–02:12
• Starting therapy & telling the truth – 06:19–11:01
• Wife leaving & mirror apology ritual – 16:12–18:22
• Narcissism vs. other personalities in the same family – 21:29–24:21
• How narcissism affects marriages and defensiveness – 30:09–33:09
• Cycle of narcissistic abuse explained – 46:06–47:36
• Healed vs. unhealed Lee in parenting – 15:22–15:44, 75:51–77:25
• Lee analyzes Kail for narcissism/BPD – 57:53–62:36
• Religion as manipulation & why it works – 83:01–85:07
• Empathy, social media, and helping others – 88:12–90:04, 106:14
• Accountability and the pain of apology – 100:02–103:46

Additional Highlights & Dynamics

• Lee’s humility and humor (“If I wasn’t Black, I’d be turning red.” 85:16) balance the heavy subject matter.
• Kail’s transparency about her own trauma prompts candid discussion about generational cycles.
• The conversation is peppered with real-life examples, from smashed canvases and twin rivalries to moments of “blackout” and blame—all illustrating the complex human reality of narcissism.
• Practical advice is offered for recognizing red flags in partners, managing co-parenting with narcissists, and helping children develop healthy identities.
• The impact of stigma—both in mental health and cultural environments (especially among men and in the Black community)—is critically addressed.

Where to Find Lee Hammock

• Social Media: Mental Healness (TikTok, Instagram—with 3 S’s)
• Coaching/Resources: mentalhealness.net

Summary

This episode stands out for its raw honesty, detailed breakdown of narcissistic behavior, and unique perspective from someone working for change from the inside out. Lee demonstrates both vulnerability and accountability, showing that while narcissism is indeed a “personality disorder,” it’s not a sentence to inflict pain. Both he and Kail highlight the critical importance of therapy, self-awareness, and honest reflection—for narcissists and those affected by them alike.

Anyone struggling with narcissism in themselves or their relationships will find clarity, practical insights, and a surprising measure of hope in this memorable conversation.