Hell In Boots With Saraya-Jade Bevis

Summary

Barely Famous Podcast Episode Summary: "Hell In Boots With Saraya-Jade Bevis"

Release Date: August 8, 2025

Introduction

In this compelling episode of the Barely Famous podcast, host Kail Lowry welcomes Saraya-Jade Bevis, a renowned professional wrestler known for her tenure in WWE and her subsequent ventures. The conversation delves deep into Saraya's personal and professional journey, offering listeners an unfiltered look into the challenges and triumphs she has faced both inside and outside the ring.

Early Life and Wrestling Career

Saraya shares her upbringing in a wrestling family, highlighting the influence of her parents who were also wrestlers. She recounts signing with WWE at the age of 18 and navigating her early career amidst industry pressures.

“I grew up in a wrestling family, and then you signed to WWE when you were 19? They signed me because I was different. They signed me because I was different than everybody else.” ([06:20])

Saraya discusses her initial tryouts with WWE in England in 2011, emphasizing the struggle to fit the traditional diva mold. Her unique appearance and alternative style set her apart, leading to her eventual signing.

Navigating the WWE Landscape

Saraya reflects on the camaraderie and friendships formed within WWE, mentioning close relationships with fellow wrestlers like Becky Lynch and Renee Young. She also touches upon the challenges of sustaining genuine connections in an industry often characterized by fleeting relationships.

“You were telling me, are you really a wrestler? Yeah, I'm right here.” ([14:17])

Saraya highlights the supportive environment provided by WWE during her struggles, particularly during her battles with addiction and mental health issues. She credits the organization for helping her regain confidence and stability.

Personal Struggles and Mental Health Advocacy

A significant portion of the discussion centers around Saraya's personal battles with addiction, PTSD, and the impact of unwanted sex tapes released when she was 19. She openly shares the emotional toll these events took on her mental health and the support systems that aided her recovery.

“I had been struggling publicly with addiction, and it was the worst. It felt like everybody saw it, and that was the worst.” ([33:46])

Saraya emphasizes the importance of therapy and community support in overcoming personal demons. She advocates for changing the narrative from victimhood to survivorship, encouraging others to seek help and resilience.

“You're not a victim, you're a survivor.” ([30:40])

Book Release: "Helen Boots"

Saraya discusses her book, Helen Boots, detailing the arduous process of writing and rewriting to accurately portray her life experiences. She describes the emotional labor involved in sharing her traumatic past and aims to provide a voice to those who have been unheard.

“I wanted people, if I was going to tell my story, I wanted it to be like, everything. Like, the very intense parts.” ([25:01])

The book serves as a cathartic outlet for Saraya, allowing her to address childhood abuse and other personal traumas, while also offering hope and strength to her readers.

Transition to AEW and Future Endeavors

After retiring from WWE due to a severe neck injury, Saraya briefly joined All Elite Wrestling (AEW). However, the partnership was short-lived, leading her to focus on other passions such as acting and podcasting.

“I did, yeah. I did the Rule Breakers podcast because I wanted to try and stand out as much as I can.” ([19:17])

Saraya also touches upon the challenges of balancing her career with her personal life, especially with her brother Zach, who faced his own hurdles in pursuing wrestling.

Support Systems and Community

Throughout the episode, Saraya emphasizes the crucial role of friends, family, and supportive communities in her journey. She highlights the unwavering support from WWE and her close-knit group of friends who have stood by her through thick and thin.

“They saved my life ultimately, you know, because they were like, okay, you have two strikes on you. If you stay sober for a year, we'll take that strike off.” ([35:25])

Conclusion

The episode concludes with Saraya reflecting on her growth and the lessons learned from her tumultuous journey. She underscores the importance of self-acceptance, resilience, and the relentless pursuit of personal well-being.

“I’m very intense, all the intense parts. So, the only exhausting part of talking about the book is every media outlet wants to talk about my childhood abuse.” ([26:14])

Saraya's candid discussion provides a profound insight into the complexities of life as a professional wrestler, the struggles behind the spotlight, and the power of overcoming adversity.

Notable Quotes

• Kail Lowry ([01:55]): “I was crying because the last time I saw you was marching.”

• Saraya-Jade Bevis ([03:00]): “You and Kail, it's a lonely place. It can be a lonely place.”

• Saraya-Jade Bevis ([25:16]): “I wanted people, if I was going to tell my story, I wanted it to be like, everything.”

• Kail Lowry ([43:04]): “I think that speaks to the mental place that you were.”

• Saraya-Jade Bevis ([54:27]): “I'm just not one of those people. So when I see people like that, like, I had a friend recently, like, she so sold me out for like an accent.”

Final Thoughts

This episode of Barely Famous offers an intimate portrayal of Saraya-Jade Bevis, blending her professional wrestling career with her personal battles and triumphs. Kail Lowry adeptly navigates sensitive topics, providing a platform for Saraya to share her story of resilience and empowerment. Listeners are left inspired by Saraya's unwavering strength and commitment to self-improvement.

Transcript

[A]

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[A]

Welcome to the show. Things are going to get weird. It's your fave villain, Kale, and you're listening to Bar. Am I saying Sera?

[B]

Yes. Like a Raya Sunshiner.

[A]

Sunshine. Today's guest is Soraya. You may have heard of her on WWES page, but she's so much more than that. And we get to talk about Helen Boots, which is your new book.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Super excited. Welcome to Barely Famous Podcast.

[B]

Thank you for having me. I've been so excited about this. Oh my gosh.

[A]

I was crying because the last time I saw you was marching.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I always, people always ask me, who is your favorite person that you've met so far? And I'm like, Soraya. Really? Yeah. Because you know what? You were real. And I feel like in this industry it's so hard to come across people that you relate to and could be friends with. And I literally, I think it was Alessandra or somebody. I was like, no. I feel like I could text her if I needed something 100%. And you could have the most chemistry with someone on set, in a movie, on, you know, in a podcast and you never talk to them again.

[B]

You know what? That's. I thought the same thing because I've had a lot of guests come on and there was a girl recently who I fucking fell in love with. And she ended up texting me, being like, let's watch movies and stuff like that. But I. You're. You're right. It's weird. It's like you feel like you have this chemistry and then once you leave the set, that is, like, gone. You. You really don't, like, build a rapport with somebody. And, like, instantly with you, I was like, I fucking love this guy. I love that. Oh, my God.

[A]

You and. It's a lonely place. It can be a lonely place. Like in this. Just all of the entertainment, whether it's wrestling or reality tv, just anything. It's so lonely. And I feel like you and my friend Matt are the only two, like, real people in the industry.

[B]

Yeah, it's true, though. There's a people where you feel like you have to have trust, right? But it's really hard to trust in this industry too, because you don't know who's actually genuine enough. Like. Because everyone can fake it too. Like, it's crazy. And then you're like, oh, yeah, this person's great. Like, again, I'll. I'll hang out with this person outside. And then you kind of fall for that shit too. And then I'm like, oh, I got fooled again. She doesn't want to be my friend. You know what?

[A]

So we were at your house in la. Adam was like, you have to ask her whose house this used to be. Can you please tell everyone whose house you live in?

[B]

Shirt. I love her. Oh, you know what? Like, she's my idol. And I didn't realize because I did a whole shoot as her. Like, I got an outfit made, you know, like the leather one piece she had and, like the big curly hair. Yeah, yeah, I did that shoot. And, like, I just. I'm obsessed with her. And all my wrestling gear is kind of like a paying homage to her outfits and stuff like that. So after me and my ex broke up, I just wanted to have a fresh start somewhere. So I quickly scooped up this house. Didn't think about it. The people didn't tell me, you know, like, the realtors and stuff. I had no idea. So then, like, my house flooded. Not my house, but the outside of the house flooded in. In, like, the rain and stuff, the storms. And my. My team was, like, looking up, making sure, like, there's nothing dangerous, you know, around there. And then Taylor, someone on my team text me. She was like, that's fucking Cher's house. Because it, like, popped up online. And I was like, ah, it's meant to be. She's like the ultimate single woman. Like, I. She in my toilet. You know what I mean? Like, I'm shitting in the same toilet.

[A]

You kind of manifested it because you were, like, doing the outfits.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. Have you ever met her?

[B]

No. I'm so sad. And there's this person that I can't stand, and she got to meet her, and it really bummed me out. I was like, why do good things happen to bad people?

[A]

I know.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yes. And last time I was there, I got to hang out with Paulie. Your bird?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he was the best. I think I still have pictures on my phone, so we'll post those on social media for you guys to see.

[B]

He loves you.

[A]

No, I love him. So do you ever need a bird sitter? You got it. Yeah. Because I'll take good care of him. You know what I mean? Like, you can't trust people that are coming in and out, and.

[B]

And birds are quite difficult to deal with. Some people think it's a little bit easier, you know? But, like, Paulie especially, he loves his mama.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, with you, I was actually quite shocked that he hopped on your arm.

[A]

Okay, so let's talk about your career a little bit.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You grew up in a wrestling family, and then you signed to WWE or when you were 19?

[B]

WWE. I was 18 when I signed, and then I came over to America in 2012, and I just turned 19.

[A]

So did they have WWE in England?

[B]

They did, yes. So they do two tours a year in Europe, and I did my first tryout with them in 2011, and I. You know, I went there and I thought I had to be what a diva is supposed to look like, because back then, they were just these blonde bombshells, you know, like big old titties, tiny waist, you know, tan. And I'm just like. I was a scruffy little emo kid, and so I was like, okay, I'm gonna go there on my first tryout, and I'm gonna tan. So I got my sister to spray tan me, and she whitened my teeth, and I. Like, I didn't have black hair. I made it, like, lighter. And then I wore color, and I always wear, obviously, all black all the time, you know? And so I went there, and they all looked at me like, what's fucking wrong with this chick? You know, like, when you see white chicks, you're like, something's off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? There's definitely something off, and you can tell. And I did the tryout, too. And I end up busting this girl's lip open. So it was already, like, not going very well. And then John Laurinaitis, who is the TR rep for wwe, was just like, there's something about you right now. It's not really fitting. Like, you don't have a lot of confidence, you know, maybe come back in six months and we'll see where you are. And I was like, okay. So when I came back, I was the only girl at the trial. They were all dudes and my brother. So I came back dressed as me. I had my pale skin, my dark hair, had. I had lip ring and gauges and stuff like that. I did the combo of a sweep like I usually, you know, back in the day. Yeah, I was like, you know, I'm going to go there completely myself because that's how I'm most confident.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, and we'll see where it goes. And if they don't want me, then they don't want me, you know what I mean? So I went there, I did the tryout. And I'm sorry, this is a long story, but not super long. But yeah, we all had to be around the ring and they were again, all men, and then me and then the people that were running the tryouts, their names were Jamie Noble and Dustin, who's gold dust. And they backed up into me and they said, tag yourself in. Which means I tagged the person who's already in the ring. And then I go in the ring and I said, wow, that's going to be really fucking rude for the person that said in the ring, because it's their moment because they're trying to try out too. They want to make it right. But this big Jack dude had my brother in like a headlock and he backs into the rope and I tag myself in. And if looks could kill, dude. Oh, my God, he was so mad at me. But I was like, you know what? They're telling me to do this. I'm gonna take my opportunity and do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I hopped in the ring with my brother and we were in the tryout in the ring for like 80 of the time. And everybody's just like on the side of the ring, like, pissed. And then on top of that, I. All the talent from Doda Re, like big names like Chris, Jericho, Edge, like John Cena were all around the ring watching this tryout. So it was really intimidating, but they just wanted to see how I worked, you know, and so I was getting my ass beat, you know.

[A]

Your brother.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He was beating my ass, and, like, we were going back and forth, but mostly they wanted to see how I sold. And selling is, like, if someone hits you, like, your reaction, you know, so that's selling. And so they wanted to see that and, like, what I could do, basically. And then at the end, everyone's done. Everyone's pissed at me, whatever. But then they signed me, and I was just like. That day, they were like, all right. And then Triple H come up to me, and he was like, welcome aboard. And I was like, oh, God, it's amazing. And I was a kid, you know.

[A]

Was that your brother's tryout, too?

[B]

Yeah. He didn't get in, though.

[A]

What was that like for you? For both of you.

[B]

So he was really disappointed. And my mom was there, too, and I felt like I couldn't really celebrate too hard, you know, because my. That's been my brother's dream since he could walk, you know, he was like, he's a wrestling encyclopedia. And so. And I didn't want to get into wrestling until I was 13. I was kind of, like, trying to avoid it because my whole family did it. You know, I was trying to rebel, and. But I. Obviously, I fell in love with it, and so Zach. But Zach's been wanting to be in wrestling in WWE for so long, and it was a little weird at first, but he was so sweet, and he was trying to be happy for me while also inside feeling really sad that he didn't make it. And he had, like, 10 tryouts, and they didn't want to sign him, and it was just. It. It was sad. But he came to Aw. Though I got him signed there, so he had.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna say. So does he get to work for you guys at all? Because I know your. Your parents were in it. Your mom was a wrestler.

[B]

She still is.

[A]

Oh, she still is. Yeah.

[B]

My dad still is. He's 70. Yeah, 73 this year. Yeah.

[A]

Your mom's wrestling name was Saraya?

[B]

Yes. Serea Knight. So that dude, I swear to God, now everyone thinks I'm named after a wrestler name. How I got my name is, she was in the 80s, a Slayer concert, and she was tripping on acid, and she miss heard Slayer for Sera. And that's how she got my name. But then she started wrestling. Stole. Makes me.

[A]

So you're not named after her or you are named after.

[B]

No, no, she's named after me. Oh, my God.

[A]

She should.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you decided around 13 that you wanted to get into wrestling. Did you feel pressured to get into it? Or was just like a natural. Because didn't you tell me you wanted to be like a veterinarian or something?

[B]

I did. I wanted to be a vet. I want to be a zoologist. I love animals so much. So I wanted to be in the animal territory. And then I already knew wrestling. I grew up in wrestling since, you know, my mom was actually pregnant with me and didn't realize. So I've been in the ring, in the ring since I was a fetus, you know, and so like, she could have killed me. That's why I have scoliosis now. But she. So around, yeah, around 13 years old, my dad was shorting a girl one day for a match.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And he said, saraya, just hop in here. I mean, the crowd, there was like 10 people in the crowd. It's not a big deal. But I was like, okay, I will, but can Zach be in the ring with me? And he dressed like the pink power Rangers. So we like tucked and put like a little bra on, had a mask and stuff. And there was a few other girls and he body slamming or something. Anyway, I got concussed and I'm just laying there and he's pitting me and I'm just like, this is the coolest shit ever. Like, I love this. Even though I'm like, you know, it was just. There's no better feeling than that adrenaline rush that you get in the ring, even if it's in front of one person or freaking 90,000 at WrestleMania, you know.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

So do you know why they picked you if the standard for the women was like, blonde, small waist, like, what you just feel like you set the tone for. Yeah, a new generation of women.

[B]

Exactly. So they signed me because I was different.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Than everybody else.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And around that time, there was no other girls like me. You know, like, everybody was this bombshell, and then you had like this scruffy little emo pale chick, you know, but they loved it. And that's what gave me the success that I had within wrestling is because of my look. Because again, it, like, opened up a door for a lot of, like, men and women like me to come into the industry and, like, be confident enough to know that they're gonna make it too. So now you have incredible alternative women like Rhea Ripley and stuff like that. Like every. Like, there's a lot of us now, which I love.

[A]

No, I love it. Are you friends with any of those girls? I had Becky lynch on the podcast.

[B]

Becky I've known since I was 13.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was she also wrestling during that time?

[B]

Yeah. So we were on the Indies together, which is independent circuit where it's just these tiny little rinky dink shows that you throw in like a parking lot or whatever, you know. And so, yeah, we were, we. We were in the business, but she would also come stay at my house, you know, and she was so sweet. Like, I mean, people love her. She's a good. She's a good chick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you have her on here?

[A]

Yeah, I had her on the podcast. And then we went to. What is it called? Wrestling Wrestlemania. Took the kids to Wrestlemania. And she was really sick that day. She had like, strep throat or something and it was. Was crazy. But I felt bad.

[B]

I know you had Carmela on here too.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's expecting another baby. She announced and I thought that was. I think she might have been pregnant when we had her on. We didn't even know.

[B]

I love her though. All the girls are really nice. Yeah. Like once you actually meet them like this.

[A]

Leah didn't say anything bad about any of the women. I just think she just wanted. She wants to see change in WWE for women. And I get that because women should be able to have their careers and also have a family. And I think maybe wrestling isn't super convenient for that.

[B]

Yeah. And this like there's. I mean some people can, some people can't, you know, I mean like if you are a money maker, they will give you the opportunity to like have a baby, come back or whatever. And not saying she's not a money maker. She was amazing. Like I did a bunch of like different things for her, but some of the standards are different for like each person, you know.

[A]

Yeah, I could see that. I think that's the way it works in reality TV too is like certain people get paid more evidently if you're like, like making money or get causing ratings or whatever.

[B]

She's talented though. Incredible. Like her mic work. She got so great in the ring and stuff. So I was, I was a little shocked that they actually released her, honestly.

[A]

Maybe they'll bring her back.

[B]

I hope so.

[A]

Yeah. What have you been up to since I've seen you last? Oh my God, you published your book.

[B]

Helen Boots. Oh my God.

[A]

Did you go on a book tour?

[B]

I'm doing the book tour. So I have the signing this weekend. Next weekend. I have two sign ins back to back too. So we're adding more to it because I wanted to take this year out of wrestling and like get my feet wet in acting a little bit, you know, because I've always loved that so much. And then also do these signings and just like just do stuff outside of wrestling for a little bit. Because I've dedicated 20 years of my life to being a. A wrestler.

[A]

You were in the wrestling ring and I was having a baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we're like the same age, right? And you said 2011. I had a one year old.

[B]

Wow. Wait, was that your first kid? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh dude, that video that we had from my podcast where I was like, so you're really fertile. Everybody, like, that's the video. Everyone keeps tagging me. Cuz they thought that was like the funniest.

[A]

Yeah, it's so crazy because I never wanted kids, you know what I mean? I know.

[B]

You said that. And now you have seven.

[A]

Can you tell the listeners what you told me about your signature? When I was like, oh my God, your signature is so cute. Can you tell me who taught you how to do an autograph?

[B]

John Cena.

[A]

And what was his like, rule of thumb? Like, what did he say? It was like, cuz I to my whole entire name, every single letter. And yours is so cute. And it's like, whatever. And you said he taught you, like.

[B]

So I was. It was backstage at WWE and the Merch guys were like, here's a pile of posters. You need to sign for us. Right? And I was doing P, A, I G, you know what I mean? Like the whole page name. And Cena comes up and he was just like, you're gonna get really tired of doing it like that, you know. He was like, it's very quick, very easy if you just do a P and then a scribble or whatever. He was like, because ultimately you're gonna get so bored and annoyed signing your full name like that. So, I mean, it worked. And then I started noticing everyone's signatures was kind of like that, where it's. You can't really read what the fuck is going on. But as long as you get that P in there or whatever, like John Cena just does like a JC or something like that.

[A]

Is it weird being around people like John Cena or the Rock and knowing that they're icons to everybody else, but you grew up around it.

[B]

Yeah. So. Yes, still is. Because they just. They radiate this aura, you know what I mean? Like, the Rock is the Rock. John Cena. John Cena. But you know what? They've both been amazing. And John Cena, when he was wrestling, when I was wrestling, he would sit like. So backstage there's like a little area where it's like a tv. We call it talent viewing. And you can watch the matches. And he would be the first one at the building and then he'd be sitting right at the front watching all the matches that's happening. And he'd be the last one to leave too. Like his work ethic is like inspiring, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so. And then he would take the time, like whenever anyone needed it, and he'd sit there and he'll give you advice and all that kind of stuff, you know, he's just. He's a nice guy. He's hell of a guy guy.

[A]

Oh good. Yeah, he's really hearing Good experiences.

[B]

Yeah. I don't think. I feel like Cena is one of the celebrities that everyone just loves, you know?

[A]

Yeah, for sure. Although he did do, like, a McDonald's thing, and I was like, I don't know that John Cena would actually eat McDonald's.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know either. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Get that money, brother.

[A]

Yeah. Seriously, the last time we talked, you launched. You were launching Rule breakers podcast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who came up with a concept for that? Because it was so funny to me that I'm like, how can I do this? Like, how can I shock people with an electric collar?

[B]

Incorporate it, even if it's just for your Patreon viewers. You know what I mean? Like, you should. It's fun. So it was me because I wanted to do. And the stuff is gonna get wilder and wilder, you know, and so we were just testing the waters and stuff like that and see how it was going. But, yeah, I was just like, I want to do a podcast, but I want to try and stand out as much as I can. Right. Because, I mean, the. It's just.

[A]

There's a lot of podcasts fragrated, for sure.

[B]

Yeah. And you're lucky if it's successful, which, congratulations, because you're on. Fucking awesome. But, yeah, I just wanted to stand out a little bit. So I was just like, I want to incorporate Jackass meets Simple Life meets, you know, and then have the podcast part. And I was actually getting tattooed while. Cause I do Q and A's too, just for me from the fans and stuff like that. But we always want to be in uncomfortable positions. So I'm getting blasted with a tattoo gun while I'm getting these questions asked, you know, or we're going to go, like, off roading and stuff like that and trying to answer these questions. Yeah, it was my idea. And the only thing is that. That people would rather watch it than listen to it. The listeners are good, but there's so much more people wanting to watch it on YouTube because it's such a visual show.

[A]

Especially when you're getting shocked. I mean, shocked with a dog collar is crazy. When my team told me they were like, they're gonna do some weird shit to you, I was like, like, what if I'm not eating fucking bugs?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, the bug eating is another thing. We actually recently did something more simple because one of my guests, Gabby Tuft, who's amazing, she has heart issues and has allergies. So it was just like, okay, like, what do we do? Because if we Shock her. I don't want her to die. You know, I'd be like. And then we were putting, like, these shellfish or whatever, and then she was like, I'm actually allergic to shellfish too. And I was like, oh, fuck, I nearly killed you twice. You know? So then we just did. We came up with something on the spot. And it was like, trying pregnancy cravings. Right. And then also because you get a lot of scam calls.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

From like, these crypto things who are like, okay, if you can keep this scammer on the phone for five minutes, you don't have to eat any of these. Did she do it? She was great. She killed it. She could have kept them on there for 10. But I have to eat it. So it was. It was. It was worse. It was like tuna and chocolate milk and stuff. And I'm like, how did freaking. How was that?

[A]

Did you throw up?

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Would you eat cargo?

[B]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. You just said that you tried it, right?

[A]

It's disgusting.

[B]

It is. Was it the texture? What is it?

[A]

No, I think it was just in my. It didn't taste bad. It tasted like I was eating garlic. But it's just the.

[B]

Really.

[A]

I think I was just in my own head about it. And we ate caviar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you eat that?

[B]

I do. I eat caviar. Yeah.

[A]

But if you would have had me eating things on your podcast, then the. Like, I would. I don't eat seafood, so, like, the slugs. The caviar is just not for me.

[B]

Oh, I. I'm good at eating stuff. I'll eat it, even if it's gross. Yeah. Oh, I pop those in. I like them. Yeah. Some of them taste really good. I'm like. I'm not mad at it.

[A]

Would you eat frogs?

[B]

The cicadas? Sc. Actually, scorpions kind of taste, like soapy. That's not very good, but soapy. Yeah. Like a soap. Yes. It's. That's not good. But I can. I could eat it. Is that. That shit's easy for me. I was getting zapped so much, by the way, with a fucking dog collar. I did, like a couple of episodes back to back, and we did the dog shock collar on every single one because that's what everyone kept choosing. And I was drooling by the end of it. I was like, oh, I can't get for another fucking episode.

[A]

So do a lie detector test. Oh, my gosh, that would be good. I did a lie detector test in 2016, and honestly, I can understand why it stresses people out because I was telling the truth. Like, they were like, you can only answer yes and no questions. So like, and you can't nod your head. So if you ask a question, you have to say like, like yes or no or like, give a one word answer and they're like, just to like get your baseline heart rate. It was like, is today Tuesday? And my heart is just beating out of my chest. I don't know, is it Tuesday? And so I was like freaking out. And I'm like, is it gonna say that I'm lying because I was freaking out?

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

But that would be good.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, 100. Especially someone that's quite controversial, you know what I mean? You're like, I want to get the tea. Oh yeah. Oh, come on then. Go on then.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

I would love to have you back on.

[A]

Oh, I'm down. You've probably seen a million ads for hair growth products and thought, sure, yeah, like that actually works. But until I found out that Nutrafol isn't like the rest of them. I'm here to tell you that neutrophil is physician formulated, clinically tested and dermatologists recommend it. If you're dealing with hair loss issues like thinning or shedding, but feel totally stuck on what to try next. I get it, there are so many products out there, but it's hard to know which ones are actually going to do anything. But that's why you have to give Neutrophil a closer look. Look, it's not just hype, it's physician formulated, clinically tested and even recommended by dermatologists. It's the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand and trusted by over one and a half million people, you can feel great about what you're putting into your body. Since neutrful hair growth supplements are backed by peer reviewed studies and NSF content certified, the gold standard and third party certification for supplements. And adding neutropol into your daily routine is simple. You get to purchase online, no prescription is required, automated deliveries and free shipping to keep you on track. Plus plus with a Neutrophil subscription you can save up to 20%. You'll have access to free one on one naturopathic doctor consults to support you on your hair growth journey and Headspace meditation membership is included. See thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering my listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you go to nutrafold.com and enter promo code code famous. Find out why Neutrophil is the best selling hair growth supplement [e-mail] spelled n u t r a f o-l.com promo code famous. That's neutrophil.com promo code famous. Okay, let's talk about Helen Boots. You wrote a book. You published it in March.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. What was the writing process like for you? Was it cathartic at all?

[B]

Oh, my God. Have you written a book?

[A]

Yeah. Four.

[B]

Four.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. I'm fucking like. I'm so sorry. I should have known that. But fucking hell. But anyway, it's exhausting.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Because you. You like. So I had a ghostwriter for the first year, and bless her heart, I love her. She was great. She's a lot older than me, though, so it kind of made me sound like I was out the cast of Annie.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, it was like very, like, hello, Governor, you know, And I'm like, oh, my gosh, a little too much. And then she would confuse all the stories. And then on top of that, she was adding stuff to, like, create drama. And I'm like, my book is really traumatic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As it is. I don't think you need to get me starting fights with random wrestlers, like, because it's not true, you know? So then I had to rewrite the whole thing. And you know when you're just like, okay, like I have a faint memory or something. And then so I would get zoom calls with everyone that was involved.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So then, like, because they can remember stuff, I can't, you know? And so I wanted it to be. Be as accurate for everybody as possible. Like, not just my point of view on it. I wanted it to be everybody's. Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that was exhausting, too. So that took another year on top of that to rewrite the whole thing, but it's exhausting. It's. It's tedious.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's just. Oh, my gosh. I. I love that I got it done, though. Like, once you're done, you're like, okay. I feel really accomplished with this, but it was a pain in the ass.

[A]

Yeah. I do talk about anything that's in it anymore because I feel like my first book was like a diary for me. So I don't ever really talk about anything that's in it. And if people ask me, I'll be like, just read the book, because I don't have it in me to talk about it.

[B]

Yeah. So I Said the same thing, actually, recently. I said, it's like, I just gave my diary to the world, but I still talk about it because a lot of people. There's a lot of things, because I don't. I don't speak publicly about traumas or anything like that. You know, I feel like we come from a generation where you just, like, if you fall over, you get back up, brush off and continue. You don't bitch and complain. Like, you know, we never did therapy back in the day. You know, we just. We just continued.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so having to do this book was intimidating and scary because I'm like, oh, my God, people are actually going to know something about me, you know? And, like. And also I wanted to do it because other people keep telling my story and they don't know who I am, you know, and you'll. You'll see, like, random stories. I'm like, I did what? You know, it's crazy. And so I just wanted people, if I was going to tell my story, I wanted it to be like, everything. Like, I'm very intense, all the intense parts. So. So the only exhausting part of talking about the book is every media outlet wants to talk about my childhood abuse. And so that would be, like, their focal point. Well, how did you feel? I'm like, I don't know. I was a fucking kid, dude. You know what I mean? And doing the audiobook on top of it and having to read that chapter over and over again, it was so hard for me to get through that chapter because I never spoke about it, not even with my mum and dad. It was something that me and my brother went through together.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And you know what's really wonderful about Zach? Oh, my gosh. This always, like, breaks my heart is so. I. I got molested when I was a kid, right? And me and my brother shared a room and he kept coming to my bed, coming to my bed. And one day, Zach, we're kids, kids. Like, we're not teens. We're like very, very young kids. And his bed was opposite to mine. And he told the guy to come to his bed so I can have a break. Yeah. And we, me and Zach finally talked about it, like, well, 29. So it was a few years ago. You know, we finally. Because he's had a hard time getting over it, right? He's had. He's been really struggling over the years. He's only a year older than me, right? And so he's been really struggling and it really affected his mental health all these years. And so he called me. His heart was broken. He was crying, and he was like, sri, I need to talk about this. You know? And I was like, of course. Let's do it. And then he felt like he was crazy, and I felt like I was crazy. But we felt very validated. And, you know, when we finally got to talk to each other about it, and I said to Zach, I was just like, you know what? You can speak to mom and dad about it. I don't want to, you know, and so. And I wasn't even gonna put it in the book, but I just knew it would help a lot of people if you did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So. And this was before I started writing the book, you know, And I know that my mom went through it with her stepdad back in the day, and no one believed her. Her whole family didn'. Her. They kicked her out. They. You know, they abandoned her. It broke my heart. And so I feel like with me and Zach, it kind of felt like if we were to say something, no one would believe us. So it took years for us to talk about it. And then he spoke to mom, dad about it, and my mom text me saying, I will always believe you. I love you so much. You know, she was really great, and that's all I needed. And then I didn't talk about it anymore, and I just. I put it in the book, you know?

[A]

But you just wanted her to know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Did you have the support from your family to talk about some of those intense things from your childhood?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Like, my family is so supportive, and I'm like, listen, like, our childhood wasn't perfect, but I say now I wouldn't change a thing about my life. Even the craziest parts, I would not change a thing, because now I'm the happiest I've ever been, even going through all that stuff, and now I can help people with it. And I'm. I'm so proud of myself for being strong enough to get through it, and. And now I can show people that there is another side to it and they can keep going, you know? So it's like, people think I'm weird for saying that I wouldn't change a.

[A]

Thing, but, no, I feel the same way. When people ask me about regrets, I'm like, I don't have regrets over big aspects of my life. Obviously, I wish I could say something different or, you know, the same thing could happen. I wish I would have handled it different, but overall, like, I don't have regrets about my life, and I wouldn't Change a thing. Which is so weird because I think like you, I also had a really traumatic childhood and it's so weird to like think of it that way. Like we wouldn't change anything thing.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. When you switch your mentality too, because I did a lot of therapy with it is you never say victim, right. Because it kind of puts you in a more negative feeling or whatever. You say survivor instead. So I, I always say to everybody, you're not a victim, you're a survivor.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so powerful, like, and that really helped me. I was just like, yeah, I survived that, you know.

[A]

Absolutely you did.

[B]

You survived that.

[A]

I, I had to change a lot of my, my mental, like where, I guess my perspective or my mentality, like you were saying for a long time, probably up until like my late teens, it was always like self pity.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I was always like feeling sorry for myself and at some point I hit a wall where I was like, I need to shut the up and I need to figure this out and I need to work through it. And you said something about therapy. Do you do like talk therapy or what is it called? Edmr? Emdr. Emdr. Have you ever done that? I think EMDR is when they click in, oh, rapid eye movement. Oh, yeah, it's, I've heard of. Okay, so I have cptsd, which is complex ptsd, which maybe you have heard.

[B]

I have PTSD too.

[A]

Okay. So. And I think it works for that you just do talk therapy.

[B]

So I did the talk therapy, but I also did the one where you're laying down just on a table and they do like pressure points around your body. And I, and I can't remember what it's called, but it, I mean, to me that didn't help me too much. I just wanted to sleep. But I also did ketamine treatments.

[A]

Oh, that's right. We did talk about that. For those of you guys who have not listened. Did we talk about it on your, on the episode on Rule Breakers?

[B]

I don't think we did. I think we just talked about it. Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so you, you, if, if you guys didn't listen to Rule breakers, go check it out. It's on YouTube. Yes, we might have talked about it over there, but if, if you guys didn't listen to that episode yet, we talked about ketamine treatment. I only know one other person that has ever done that and he did it with like a doctor. But I don't think that Delaware has ketamine therapy.

[B]

Yeah, I, I, I, it, it definitely helped a little bit. You know, but it's mostly you just like have to lay there, put these, like, you know, cover your eyes and stuff like that. But it's. To me, it was, it was whatever. I. I just think you need to find the right therapist.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like Jackie, my. My psychiatrist actually, she was amazing. Like, because I went through a lot of different therapists and I just didn't feel the connection, you know, and that happens. It does. And I'm like, this doesn't sit right. You don't. You don't feel like my person, you know, and eventually I did find my person with wwe. They were great. And then they also got me an in house therapist with wwe, but that he focused more on drugs and alcohol. So I had a bunch of different therapists and I tried a bunch of different things. But like, again, finding the right person will help you big time.

[A]

Oh, it'll change your life.

[B]

Oh, 100 and I don't know.

[A]

I. My therapist, I've been on and off with her for. Since 2019, like six years. And I'm like, what am I gonna do if she like retires? Or like, I don't want to find somebody new. It's like dating someone you have. Have to date around to find the right person.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

It's harder than you think. So it's like as if life is not hard enough. But you said that WWE helped you with therapy for drugs and alcohol. Do you ever talk about that? I know, obviously it's in the book, but. And go pick up Helen Boots on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, wherever you get books. But for. Do you ever talk about it publicly or is it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, people like to ask about it because my whole addiction was like very public and everyone saw me have meltdowns and look like. And like struggle publicly with it.

[A]

You know, if it's any consolation, I never saw any of your struggles publicly. I don't know if that matters to you or not, but I only ever.

[B]

It does. It felt like everybody saw it and that's the worst.

[A]

It's like being, you know, everything that's horrible and like puts us through some is always what gets go was more viral. More people see it and you're like, what the.

[B]

Yeah. And people still give me a hard time about it, but you're just like, I don't know why, because it was, you know, I was going through something really rough. You know what I mean? So. So yeah, they end up helping me. So like when I first came back from my first neck surgery, they were just like, okay. And I had two strikes against me because they publicly told the world that I popped two drug tests. You know, and then I tried to lie to the Internet. I. I tweeted it was just a prescription from the dentist or the novocaine from the dentist. Right. And they were just like, no, it wasn't. It. It was an illegal substance. Right?

[A]

WWE said that.

[B]

Yeah, because they got a lot of. Because I lied and said I. It was because the dentist. And they didn't believe me. But, you know, and I. That I take that on the chin. Like, I, I lied about that because I was so embarrassed and I didn't want to tell my family that I popped another drug test.

[A]

Nobody does, especially in such a public place.

[B]

And it was my birthday.

[A]

Why would they assume that you were going to just come out and be.

[B]

Like, yeah, yeah, exactly. So I was kind of like, just mortified and I just didn't know what to do, so I just lied. And then of course, WWE had to be like. Because it went viral.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they looked like the bad guys for a second, and then they were just like, no, she's lying. And I was just like, yeah, I'm lying. You know, but it was, it was really. I should have been fired so many times, but WWE had my back, dude. That. Fuck.

[A]

Is that why you're not angry with them now?

[B]

No, exactly. Like, they just, they've helped me so friggin much and. And they saved my life ultimately, you know, because they were like, okay, you have two strikes on you. If you stay sober for a year, we'll take that strike off because if you get three strikes, you're fired. So they gave me like a motive to keep trying to be sober because it would save my job, you know? And again, they got me my therapist, they got me my psychiatrist. Like, anything I needed, they got it. They just wanted to make sure that I was healthy. Because when I first came back, I remember my ptsd. I go into full body shift shakes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's uncontrollable. And I just like it. When I was coming back, I was just like, I was freaking out. And Mark Carano, who was the TR at the time, came outside and like, guided me into the building, you know, because I was just like, yeah, it was really bad. And then I see Vince McMahon, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon, all separately. But they all hugged me and they were just like, we're just happy you didn't die. Because everyone thought I was gonna die. I was such a fucking mess, you know, Know.

[A]

With the Internet and information Overload about mental health and wellness. It can be a struggle to know what's true and what actions to actually take. These days it feels like there's advice for everything, right? Like cold plunges, gratitude journals, screen detoxes. But how do you know what's good for you? I'll tell you what was good for me, and that's therapy. Better Help is a great option. They have over 30,000 therapists and better Help is actually the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. And it works. So they have an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a lot live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. It's super convenient too, because you can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. So if you are in between appointments or you your kids at a sports practice, that's a great option. I've done that before. And they give you the option to switch therapists at any time, which is a game changer. Sometimes you sort of have to date around to figure out which therapist is right for you. And as the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse, diverse variety of expertise. You guys can talk it out with Better Help. Our listeners get 10 off their first [e-mail] barely. That's better help. H lp.com barely. I'm kind of speechless because I feel like so often with addiction, people don't give people grace. And I'm the same way. My mom being an addict, I just like, don't give her grace. But anyone else, I do. Do you feel like, like that's why you are so loyal to wwe? Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Yeah. Because again, so many times I should have been fired. So many times, like I should have been dead, you know, because of all the mistakes I was making. But they saved my life. They really did. They helped me big time by, you know, constantly was trying to check in on me because I was out for a year and a half and I was a hot mess. The tapes came out like I was on drugs. All these crazy. And I was, I was a hot mess. You know, I was on TMZ for like walk. Like I was just got in a fight with my ex and I was like in the street, like in the, in Vegas, you know, the busy strip or whatever. I was like running into traffic, you know, like I was, I was a hot mess. So, yeah, I just wasn't in a good place, and they never gave up on me, so I just appreciate them so much. But I think it's because I was. I was there for such a long time, and I was very young, and they gave me grace, you know, they get it. And. And.

[A]

But they didn't have to. I guess they could have just fired you and not.

[B]

Not have been easier.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, for them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Truly.

[B]

Yeah. So they. They really saved my life.

[A]

So during this time, you're going through a really. Just traumatic part of your life. Is this the same time that the sex tapes come out?

[B]

Yeah, it was the same.

[A]

So it was the drug popping, the drug test. You're out of WWE for a year and a half, and the sex tapes all at one time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And where was your family? Were they living in the United States or were they.

[B]

No, they're in England.

[A]

So that you didn't even have, like, your immediate family with nobody.

[B]

And I shut myself out to. The only person that tried really hard to come see me was Renee. Like, she. They were. Wwe were in San Antonio at the time. And Renee Young, Renee Paquette is. Is one of my good friends from, like, wwe. We did tour divas together, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's one of my favorite people. Best friends. Renee. Renee came to my house, and she up to every. All the horror stories that she's hearing. She still came to my house, you know, and she just, like, sat with me. And it felt good to have a friend again because I was by myself, and again, I shut myself off and, like, it just felt nice to have someone that didn't give up on me, too, you know? And. And she came. She came and saw me, like, even now. Oh, my gosh. I was at my. You don't even know this. Meech. My manager's here, you guys. But Meech's wedding was in Italy. Sorry, I'm going all over the place, but it just reminds me with Renee. And again, I lost my wallet. I lost my green card. Everything was gone. And the whole time I had.

[A]

Wait, not this time. This past time. You lost it before?

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. Sorry. So I'm telling another Renee story. I know I'm going all over the place, but it reminded me of recently.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Got it. When I went to Italy for my manager's wedding and I lost my. My wallet had everything in it. Luckily, I had my passport, but I was like, I was freaking out, and I had the worst anxiety. And then with that anxiety comes the shakes, right? And I was shaking, and I was trying to, like, keep it under control, you know, and I'm just freaking out. And last week from. From that Renee text me, she was like, hey, buddy, like, I just want to check in on you. Because I. Like, she got freaked out that maybe I was on drugs again or like something was happening with the guy or something like that. And I was like, renee, it's my. It's my anxiety. I shake when I have an. But she's just such a great friend that she was just like, talk to me like, what's going on? So she's always been like a great friend to me. But. Yeah. So during that time, it was just going back again to that year and a half. It was lonely, it was scary, and I didn't think I was gonna make it either. You know, I was losing my hair from stress induced anorexia. I had. My hair was falling out, you know, and I was the smallest I've ever been. I'm not a big girl by any means, but I was really, really small. Like, sick. Like pictures. You can see my bones and stuff like that. I had big mat in my hair because I hadn't had my extensions fixed in like a year and a half, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I was just. I was a hot mess. And I kind of gave up on myself too, which is like. I look back on. I'm just like. I'm frustrated with myself. Forget getting that low. But. But I'm also thankful because I got that low and I know what the bottom feels like and I never want to see it again. So it kind of like inspires me to keep grinding and keep. You know.

[A]

What do you think the. Where do you think the line was that you were like, okay, I can't keep living like this.

[B]

Yeah. So. Well, there's a couple of stories. One I can't tell, but there's another one where I was actually in the grocery store where I was. I would talk about this in my book, and I'm a hot mess again. I haven't showered, my hair's a mess. Like, my freaking. I have like one eyelash on, you know, I was just the crackhead energy, dude. It was bad. And I was in the grocery store because I want to get some beers and stuff, you know, And I walk past an aisle, and this little girl was like, obsessed with me. Like, big Paige fan, you know, and she obviously is young, so she's not on the Internet. She doesn't see all that kind of stuff. But she looked at me like I was a superhero, you know, and. And something kind of clicked with that, where I was just like, I'm. I'm not only giving up on myself, I'm giving up for a lot of people, you know? And then I thought that role model had to be perfect. Perfect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, but I realized being a role model is like, you make these mistakes, and it's how you come out of it that's the inspiring part.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know? So, yeah, something clicked in there where I was just like, I need to get better for, like, not just her, but, like, everybody, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's weird. Yeah. Something just randomly click one day and it. And it happens like that. It's like with addictions and stuff like that, you can't stop unless you really want to. And. And it doesn't matter who's around you, like. Well, it does. Community is really important. It's one of the most important things with the addict is your community. But, like, you know, Meech wouldn't be able to stop. Sorry, Meech. My manager wouldn't be able to stop me being off drugs unless I really wanted to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He could be there for me. You know what I mean? But, like, I'm not going to get off drugs unless I really want to. And so one day it just, like, clicked, and I was like, I can't do this anymore.

[A]

So that was your rock bottom.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And I also. So I remember my mom's face because I got so low that I started taking a bunch of pills while I was on FaceTime with her. And I kind of traumatized her a little bit because I was like, I end up spitting them all out. But it was just a really dark time. I was, like, on the floor in a hotel room, and I was just like. I was in. I was so bad, and I was just, Mom, I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to live anymore. Sorry.

[A]

I think I cried on yours, too, so. Just a bunch of crying right back at you.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. So I just remember phase two, and I'm like, I really her up, you know?

[A]

Yeah. And she wasn't in LA at that time, probably. So that was this. The distance probably made it ten times harder.

[B]

Yes. I was just up a lot of people's lives, and I just decided, like, one day I was like, I can't do this anymore. And then WWE again reached out to me, and they were just like, okay, like, it's time to come home. You know, we'll get you your flight back to Orlando. Like, let's just. Just get you back at the performance center. Let's get you training. Let's get you, you know, we've got here, you know, and that was, it was just so amazing that they did that for me. So, yeah, literally a couple of days later I packed all my stuff, set it off and I was back in Orlando. And then my friends Joey and Raquel I think you met. Yeah, they, they let me live with them because I couldn't live by myself at the time because I was just, I couldn't trust myself, you know, So I, I lived with them and, and they let me stay with them for such a long time. It was so sweet. They even followed me out to la. They moved to LA with me because some ride or die friends right there. But yeah, I end up moving in with them and they helped me so much. I mean, they even stopped drinking because they didn't want me to drink, you know what I mean? Like, that's, they're good buddies for doing that, you know. And so, yeah, it was just. Yeah, something just switched one day and everything changed. Sorry that was so long winded.

[A]

I met them and they're so sweet.

[B]

They're amazing.

[A]

No, it's, it's great that you're like, you wanting to be done with drugs or alcohol lined up with everybody else wanting to support you through that because like you said, I mean, you, somebody else can't want it more than, than you.

[B]

Exactly. And again, community is so important. Like back then I was surrounding myself with people that weren't good for me and that encouraged that kind of behavior, you know. And then when you switch it up and keep people like now, my, my, my people now, Meech included over here is my boy over there. But like, he wouldn't ever let me take it. Like take a drug, you know, I mean, like I, you need to surround yourself with people that encourage you to be better and, you know, and, and there for you when you are having a bad day, you know, the amount of times I've called you, right, where I'm like, I'm stressing out, you know, and he's patient with me and talks to me, talks me off a ledge, you know, I mean, you need people like that around you that is willing to give you that time to try and be like selfless, you know, and just get you through the day.

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[B]

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, the sex tapes. Yeah, go ahead.

[A]

But you were a minor in the video, correct?

[B]

I wasn't a minor. I was 19.

[A]

Okay, so you were a teenager.

[B]

I was a teenager, but the, you know, they were older than me. But I will say this. The other guy in the video, he's a sweet angel. He didn't, you know, he's just. He's still my friend, you know, to this day. Like, you know, but the other guy's a piece of. Because I was seeing the other guy and at 19, you know, we're very. Was the one word naive. Yeah. And easily influenced, you know, and like, we just as women like you, you have an older guy and you just want to like, impress them, you know, and you do whatever you need to do, like to keep them happy, you know. And so again, ultimately, I made the decision to say yes to doing these tapes. You know what I mean? But like, you're shaking them, but you can't.

[A]

Yeah. You can't take like, blame for that.

[B]

No, no, no. But, you know, I was definitely influenced by this guy to do it, but I'm always like, he didn't hold a gun to my head. So, again, 19. I'm fresh in America. I don't have friends, you know, I don't know anybody. I'm like, I don't know how to make friends either. I was, like, socially awkward. So, yeah, having this guy be so friendly to me and nice, and then slowly started being like, we should take a picture. We should do a video. We should do this. We should do that. And I was like, okay, okay, like, sure. You know? And I was uncomfortable, you know, Like, I don't do that shit even. How I would never. Well, of course, even now. But, like, you wouldn't catch me dead taking a picture, Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

So then. And then he started, like, putting in the idea of, like, a threesome, right? And I was just like, I can't do that. I can't do that. There's no way. And then he was like, don't worry. It'll be with. Be with woods and stuff like that. Like, and woods is my friend, you know? And again, woods has no idea what's going on behind the scenes with me and this other guy, right? He's just. He's like, whatever. I just spent, you know? And so I had to. Ultimately, I said yes, and I had to drink a lot before I even did it.

[A]

But that right there is enough to tell somebody that this probably isn't great. Like, yeah, you verbally said yes, but if you have to drink to the point where you're, like, comfortable and willing to do it, I feel like there is a line.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Would you agree, Alessandra? Like, that goes into yesterday. I had a guest on. And we were talking about consent. Like, is it a simple yes or no? And it's not. There is such a gray area with consent. And I feel like that that is part of it. It's like, okay, yes, I'm saying okay, but I have to drink until I'm drunk. Well, you're no longer able to consent of sound mind when you're under influence.

[B]

Right? I was. I felt like I had to do it so I can again, loosen up and be comfortable. Because I'm young, dude, you know? Like, I'm just. But yeah, we ended up doing that. Like, at one point, we had to part ways. There was just no way we could even stay, like, socializing with each other. It was just. It was a little toxic, you know? And then years later, obviously it did come out, and it was the most mortifying thing ever. I do not wish it on anybody because it's graphic and you're in a vulnerable position. And, like, you were A kid, dude, you know? And, like, it just is mega. It went mega viral. Especially back then when it was just. I mean, even a few years ago, like, things aren't as crazy it is now when it comes to viral. But that. That. That shit was insanely viral. It was everywhere. It was everywhere. And I was so mortified, and it broke my heart. And I was already in a bad position with drugs and mental health and stuff like that. And I say in the book, too, if my dad doesn't accept me for this, you know, and I would never even think my dad wouldn't, but I was just so scared of what my dad would think.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and I was like, I feel so embarrassed. And, like, you know, it's just. I felt. I just felt really awful. And so I was like, okay, if I call my dad and he doesn't accept it, then that's it. Like, I'm done again. I was like. Wanted to kill myself over it because it was so mortifying. It was awful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I felt like every time I was at the house, everyone's staring at me. And I had fans. Fans. Like, if I went to a place, they'd be like, those porn star. Like, it was just fucking awful, dude. I. It was more fun. I couldn't go on the Internet. They were getting sent to my. My parents. You know, all my family members were seeing me in that kind of position. I was just. Anyway, I call my dad dad. And I was in a bush outside a grocery store because I just ran out my house when it happened. I don't know why. I just ran out the house, and I just kept running. And then I end up, like, coming across this bush outside a grocery store, and I just sat in it. And I don't know why.

[A]

I think that speaks to the. The mental place that you were.

[B]

I don't know what else to do, you know? And then I was like, okay, this is it. If my dad doesn't like it, then I don't think I can be around anymore. You know, Just. I have nothing. Nothing left. And so I call him and I just said, I'm so sorry, dad. I'm so sorry. Like, I'm so embarrassed. And he was just like, princess. Yeah. He was like. He was like, everybody has sex. You're just in the public eye. And he said, and who knows? You could get more famous. Look at Kim Kardashian. I was like, how do you know Kim Kardashian? You know what I mean? But he was so supportive, and he was so sweet, and he was just like, it's just sex, Sarah. Like, who gives a. You know? And he was just. He was just more concerned about how I was mentally, you know? And I was going. It was, it was awful. It was an awful time. But I ignored my phone too. Like, of course I was being blown up. Except when w text me and they were like, put this statement out and that's it. So they wrote.

[A]

What was the statement?

[B]

It was pictures and videos got leaked without my consent or something like that, and it would be taken care of or something like that. It was just like a two sentence thing. And they said that's all you need to put out and then just get the. Off the Internet, you know? And so I was like, okay. And again, they were so supportive.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I was like another reason for them not to be. They were.

[A]

It was someone who leaked it. What was the.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I just, I. I never have that mentality where I'd ever want to sell someone out. Like, even, like, I haven't put some relationships in the book because I don't. I don't need to talk about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, it's just. I'm just not one of those people. So when I see people like that, like, I had a friend recently, like, do that. Like, she so sold me out for like an accent. I can't say which one. But she was. She was supposed to be a loyal, loyal friend of mine. And like that happened and I was just like, all for. I think it was like $4,000 or something like that. I was like, that's all it took for you to like, stop being my friend.

[A]

I would have given you the 4,000.

[B]

That's why I said it's so up.

[A]

But like, if you needed money, like, I would have just given that to you. You didn't have to.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Now you'll. You'll never have the benefit or access to me ever again.

[B]

Exactly. And that's what. That's my 2025 is like, I will cut you off. Done. Like, I just. I've got to a point in my life why I will not deal with like even a small ounce of disrespect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I just like get cut out. Done. So she was done. I was like, blocked on everything. You. You're done.

[A]

And at that point, you don't care what she has to say because.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

She did you dirty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so you. The sex tape go. At what point does do things start to look up for you? When WWE said, okay, we're going to get you back out to Orlando and we're going to keep pushing forward. You were like, okay, I'm in.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. So then they. They instantly bought me back. They instantly got my flight, got me home, back to Orlando, and it was. And like a couple of days later, they had me back in the training facility and welcomed me back with open arms, you know, and then that's just like, I hadn't seen Vincent that yet. Like, that was like a couple of weeks after or whatever. But at the training facility is just where all the up and coming incoming wrestlers are. And like, you know, some of my old trainers and stuff like that. So being there was amazing. It really helped me big time. Like, it helped build my confidence back up again. I lost a lot of confidence. And yeah, so it was just. It was really nice. And they again, as with some of my best friends that I'm living with, you know, like, everything just felt way better. Like, I just felt like I'm getting back to Saraya again. You know, I'm like, I don't know who this bitch was, but like, that wasn't Saraya. So.

[A]

Yeah, and then you went from WWE to aew?

[B]

Yeah, that was a few years later, though. So I came back after my first neck surgery, and within six weeks I was kicked in the back of the neck. And then I had to retire.

[A]

After your sir. After your surgery, you got kicked in the back of the neck?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's online. It's crazy. I think I saw that I got like, temporarily like, paralyzed in the ring. So, like, I got kicked in the back of the neck. It's no one's fault. It's wrestling. It happens, right? So I get kicked to the back of the neck and again, you can watch it.

[A]

It's like gnarly.

[B]

Yeah. But like, my neck snaps back as I fall down. It was like a bad car accident is what the doctor told me, right? And like, she's crawling to, like the corner to try and tag her friend in, you know, as part of the match. And like, I'm trying to grab her legs and I can't feel my arms. It's weird. Like, I just can't feel a thing. And then I'm like, oh, no, something's happening. You know, and then I still try and grab her and then I. My legs start to go too. So then I end up falling down and I'm still trying to get back up. I look pathetic. It's really sad. Like, I'm still trying to get back up. The crowd gets really Quiet. It was actually here on uni. Where is it? It was. I was out here on the east coast, actually. Somewhere in New York, I think. I can't remember either.

[A]

But it was a live taping.

[B]

It was, it was not live tv. It was a live event. So it was non televised, but there's people that were recording it from the crowd. So luckily it wasn't on live tv, but the crowd went dead silent. And I'm just like laying on my back and I'm just telling the referee. I was just like, that's it. I'm like, I'm not wrestling again. I, I can already tell I'm not wrestling. They start bringing the gurney out to like, will me out because obvious I can't feel my body. And I was like, do not let me get stretched out. I.

[A]

What does that mean?

[B]

Like, so it's the, the, the, the gurney thing, the hospital bed that you.

[A]

Wouldn'T want to be on that.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Maybe a pride thing, you know, if this is going to be my last match, I want to walk out with my head up, you know? And I don't know.

[A]

You had to think that quick.

[B]

Yeah. Huh?

[A]

You had to think that quick or you're like, I'm, I'm walking out.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So did you walk out?

[B]

I did. And so like after a while, I was like, please just wait and see if something comes back. All of a sudden I start feeling the pins and needles in my body, you know, I'm like, okay, feeling coming back. And then I sat up in the ring and the crowd starts cheering, you know, because they were just like, were.

[A]

You crying or were you like.

[B]

No, that's the thing. Everyone else was crying. I was just like, I think I just gone through so much already in the past year and a half. I didn't have anything left to give. But I was just in a much more positive mindset because if I, if it was six months prior, I probably would have spiraled and gone back to drugs. But I was already in a good mindset, you know. So I sat up and I walked, walked out and, and then the next day they sent me to the doctor, Dr. Maroon, and he said, you're not wrestling again. Your neck is too bad. You know. And so I had to have another neck surgery. And I was out for five years. Five years. And then, you know, I wasn't being used. So I was sitting at home for years and years and years and I tried to get into twitch and stuff like that. And I was like, I was in the top 10 streamers on the platform. And I was the only girl on the platform. I was killing it, dude. I was going off on that. It's just. It's just, again, it's very tedious. You have to be on the camera. Like, I was on there for, like, eight to nine hours, you know, I mean, it's like a long process, but, I mean, I enjoyed it. It was during the Pandemic, so that's all I was doing. Yeah, that's all I was doing. So I was making money through that. And then WWE stopped doing their. If you were doing third party things, you had to not do it. They banned it. But if you did do it, then they get a percentage of it. And I was just like, now, I.

[A]

Think I talked about that with somebody where WWE has, like, a really tight leash on, like, anything like that. So, like, you can't, like, change the way that you look without permission. You can't do a book without permission. So that was during that time?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if things are different now, but I think that's definitely still like that now, like, that kind of thing. I don't know how tight the leash is any. Any more, though, when it comes to outside activities or whatever, but you do have to ask permission. But, yeah. So I made a whole thing again. I did a video saying, I spiral. I was like, you. I gave my neck to you guys twice, and now you want to take away my twitch? I like a meltdown, you know? And. And then they were just like, all right, you can keep it. Just fucking keep it.

[A]

Because you were still under contract with them. Yeah, okay. So that's why they were. Okay, got it tracking.

[B]

But then they gave me a call and was just like, we're not going to renew your contract. And I was like, okay, okay. I was devastated. But I wasn't on the phone like that because then within a couple of weeks, they were calling me back anyways to be like, Hunter called me. Triple H called me. He was just like, why'd you leave? I was like, I didn't. You didn't renew my contract? And he was like. And at the time, he was having his heart issues and stuff, so he wasn't in the company. He was, like, taking time away, so he was confused. And then he was just like, I feel like you still have a lot left in the tank. But then AW called me, too. And the thing that sold me with AW is they said they were going to sign my brother, too. They. They. They said that they were gonna Bring my brother in. And that's like, what I've always wanted is Zach to have his fucking opportunity.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that was a big thing, but also the freedom that you get, because again, it was really restrictive back then.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And Tony was saying, like, anything I do, he won't take a percentage of I can do whatever I want as long as I just come to work on Wednesdays, you know.

[A]

So you decided to sign with aew.

[B]

I did, yeah. So I end up going to aew. And recently we did the mutual split it though, you know, where we both parted ways. And it was just. It's for the. But I had a great time there. But I want to not wrestle for a little bit. I need to take a break.

[A]

How. How do you even make those decisions? Right? Because, like, I feel like with any professional sport, like, you only have, like, your prime years, or I guess some people go, like, for a full career. But I feel like, how do you even make that decision? You're like, am I going to be okay to go back when I choose to go back?

[B]

Yeah, it's, you know. You know, you go back and forth in your head all the time. And there's a lot of calls where I called him and I was like, what do I do? You know, like, what's going on? You know, so it's a hard decision to make, but sometimes, like, I don't think you're ever ready for anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and sometimes you just have to pull the trigger and just like, you know, I just wanted to take control of my life a lot more, you know?

[A]

Well, you haven't really been able to make your own decisions since you were 13 years old.

[B]

Exactly. That's what Meech keeps saying.

[A]

So if you, you know, are able to kind of control that and make your own decisions now, that makes sense to me. And other people won't understand it.

[B]

Ye.

[A]

But.

[B]

But 20, 25, it's still like, I never want to hurt anyone's feelings. Right. So I'm just like, oh, like, you know, opportunities come my way, and if I don't really want it, I'm just like, you know, maybe we should think about this. And I don't know how to say yes or no. He's just like, just fucking say no. You know what I mean? But it's like, it. Or he'll. He'll be the bad guy for me or something like that, you know, which is really helpful. So I'm just like, how do I tell them this? And he was like, I got you don't worry about it.

[A]

Could you do like commentary or something for wwe? Like, go stay with WWE, but in a different capacity. So you're sort of getting the best of both worlds.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I would like. I loved being general manager there, where I played like an authority role. Like the boss lady. Yeah, I love that role. And that was one of the roles that they wanted to give me if I was to go back a couple of years ago. But then again, ultimately I went to. Aw.

[A]

But did Zach get signed then? Did they end up bringing. Signing him?

[B]

He did, but they also released him too. Yeah, it's just because, you know, he's just. He's a homebody, isn't he? He's just, he. And it's hard for him to move his whole family to America.

[A]

He has three kids over in England.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. The whole time I thought maybe he moved over here.

[B]

No, no. So it was just. It was really hard on him, you know, and to be away from his kids and all that kind of stuff. But also it was just hard to take all the kids out of school and bring them to America. It was just. It was a lot more complicated than people realize.

[A]

And it would have been different probably before he had family.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Whenever I talked to Becky lynch, she was in the hotel room with her husband and her daughter. I was like, you're doing a podcast, you got your family running around, you're about to get ready for Wrestlemania. Like, it was a. It was crazy. So I would imagine for your brother too, it would be the same.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And just like he just said, you know, if he could, he'd be able to click his fingers and everyone would be able to move. But you, like, you have to talk about visas. It's a whole thing, like trying to move to America.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

Especially nowadays, it's really hard. Hard to like, figure everything out. Like visa situations I could imagine.

[A]

All right, where can people find you on social media?

[B]

Yeah, so I have Instagram, Tick Tock and Twitter, all Serea just S a R A Y A. And then Patreon again, patreon.com forward/soraya. And then if you want to find my podcast, Rule breakers with Saraya, it's wherever you get your podcast, it's everywhere. And then to visually see it, you just head on over to YouTube and then get some behind the scenes content on my Patreon.

[A]

And your book, Helen Boo, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, wherever you get books.

[B]

Wherever you get your books in the audio version too. Wherever you get your audio audible Sorry, same thing.

[A]

Whatever. Thank you so much for coming. I'm barely famous.

[B]

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