Bawdy Storytelling – Episode 41: “Friends with Benefits” (Jeffrey Allen Hayes)
Original Air Date: September 26, 2018
Host: Dixie De La Tour | Guest Storyteller: Jeffrey Allen Hayes | Musical Guest: Rachel Lark

Overview

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling explores the blurry boundaries of sex, friendship, and connection through hilarious, honest real-life tales. Dixie De La Tour brings in Jeffrey Allen Hayes—a seasoned Bawdy storyteller and sex-club staffer—to unravel the complications, laughs, and logistics of “friends with benefits,” all while interrogating the question: “What is sex, anyway?” The episode also features the sparkling wit and music of Rachel Lark, giving voice to the universal (and sometimes absurd) search for the perfect unicorn to complete a couple’s fantasies.

Key Discussion Points & Story Highlights

1. Introduction & Framing the Questions of Sex (01:19–04:05)

• Dixie explains the episode’s thematic focus:
  “On this episode, we probe that age old question, what is sex anyway? Did we just have sex? And how do you know? Do you have an angel in your life?... I’m going to tell you about my storytelling angel… his name is Jeffrey Allen Hayes.” – Dixie (01:19)
• She riffs on Jeffrey’s role as her “go-to” backup storyteller—a pro at finding and crafting new, fresh sex stories, seemingly at a moment’s notice.

2. Jeffrey Allen Hayes: “What is Sex?” (04:05–16:36)

Openness and Stage Fright

• Jeffrey begins by confessing nerves despite his repeated performances and riffs on the difference between having a week to prepare versus improvising a fresh sex story day-of.

Sex-Club Stories & Ambiguous Encounters

Jeffrey threads three encounters from his workplace to tease apart what counts as sex:

Scenario 1: The Solo-Goer and Accidental Assistance (06:30–09:00)

• Jeffrey describes a club patron who bravely stays until closing hoping to hook up but ends up alone, masturbating. Jeffrey, wanting the man’s risk to “pay off,” tries to hurry things along—eventually (angrily) yells “Will you come already?” which gets the job done.
  • “I made him come. Did I have sex with him?” – Jeffrey (09:00)
• The story pokes at boundaries: Is assisting, even verbally, participating in sex?

Scenario 2: The Shower-room Conversation (09:00–10:30)

• A tall, attractive client showers; Jeffrey cleans a mirror nearby. The two converse flirtatiously.
• The man, turned on by Jeffrey’s answers about wildest sex stories, starts masturbating and climaxes mid-conversation.
  • “Did I have sex with him?” – Jeffrey (10:30)

Scenario 3: Bunk Bed Bullseye (10:30–12:00)

• Overhearing a noisy sex scene, Jeffrey investigates. In a comic twist, a participant's ejaculate lands squarely in Jeffrey’s mouth.
  • “My first thought was pineapple. My second thought was what... My fourth thought was very much that thought of the bird in the Flintstones: ‘eh, it's a living.’ Did I have sex with that guy?” – Jeffrey (12:00)

Defining “Sex”—and the Meaning of Friendship

• Jeffrey reflects on why these might or might not count as sex—and why, despite the explicit acts, the moments of authentic connection with colleagues and clients at the club (pizza lunch naked with a coworker, chalkboard penis art, hide-and-seek) are just as meaningful.
  • “One of the really cool things about where I work is... there’s no charade around sexuality… I can be my whole authentic self at this place.” – Jeffrey (15:00)
• Ends on a moving note:
  • “I don’t know if I told you sex stories just now… but I just really wanted to share about some of the best friends I've ever had in my life.” – Jeffrey (16:30)

3. Group Reflection: What is Sex? (16:36–17:00)

Playful banter between Dixie, Rachel Lark, and Jeffrey:

• Rachel: “What is sex? What sex?” (16:38)
• Jeffrey offers a tongue-in-cheek philosophical take:
  “All life is sex and all sex is competition. And there are no rules to that game.” – Jeffrey (16:47)

4. Musical Interlude: Rachel Lark’s “Unicorn Song” (18:47–25:21)

Polyamory, Fantasy, and “Seeking the Impossible”

• Rachel shares her personal (and all-too-relatable) struggle to find the perfect “unicorn”—a third partner—who can fulfill every expectation.
  • Lyrics loaded with irony and aspiration: “We want a girl who's attracted to me and my wife equally, so it works out so 50/50 every time. Mentally stable, but emotionally available. Good abs and able to fuck us for days.” – Rachel Lark (20:45)
• Rachel lampoons real-world polyamory with detail:
  • “She’ll stay in the guest room… She’ll be the best sex toy—I mean, person—that we've… I mean, been with… I mean, it'll be great.” (23:30)
• The audience responds with laughter; the song simultaneously celebrates and parodies the “unicorn hunting” trope.

5. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jeffrey’s Delicate Dilemma:
  "I just get kind of angry and I just yell, ‘Will you come already!’ And that did it for him. So I made him come. Did I have sex with him?" (09:00)
• On Definitions:
  “I was really struggling with this theme… because I don't know if I had sex with any of these guys. But it never crossed my mind that the second half of tonight's theme wouldn't apply. Fucking? Wasn't quite. Sure. Buddies. Absolutely.” (12:50)
• On Authenticity at Work:
  “I can be my whole authentic self at this place.” (15:00)
• Rachel’s Satirical Wish List:
  “Mentally stable, but emotionally available. Good abs and able to fuck us for days… Her sweat tastes like rainbows and her nipples are stars.” (20:47)
• Rachel on Realism:
  “…All the poly message boards have faintly been rude. They call us rookies… I think they're jealous. They don't like what they see. They don’t want us to have our unicorn.” (23:03)

Timestamps of Important Segments

• 01:19 – Dixie sets up the theme, introduces Jeffrey
• 04:05 – Jeffrey Allen Hayes begins storytelling
• 06:30–09:00 – Scenario 1: The solo-goer
• 09:00–10:30 – Scenario 2: The shower-room
• 10:30–12:00 – Scenario 3: Bunk Bed Bullseye
• 15:00–16:30 – Jeffrey’s musings on friendship and work
• 16:38 – Group asks: “What is sex?”
• 18:47–25:21 – Rachel Lark performs "Unicorn Song"

Conclusion

Episode 41 of Bawdy Storytelling is both thoughtful and hilarious, sketching the boundaries between sex, connection, and community with unfettered honesty and comic relief. Jeffrey Allen Hayes’s stories tease apart what really “counts” as sex, but ultimately reveal that the friendships and freedom in authentic queer spaces are just as, if not more, significant. Rachel Lark’s original music provides a fittingly playful capstone—a wink at every couple who’s ever dreamed of a perfect, drama-free “unicorn” and instead found messy reality.

For fans of true, uncensored storytelling, this episode brims with heart, humor, and sex-positive realness.