← Bawdy Storytelling
Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 45: ‘Welcome to the Pleasuredrome’ (Dolan Wolf)
00:28:22
Dolan is a recent college graduate and frustrated writer who is sure he’s straight. Broke and mired in a trifecta of misery - a career-ending Rugby injury, the daily unhappiness of his London PR job, and the endless taunts from a homophobic coworker...
Loading summary
Transcript18 lines
- [00:18]
Dixie de La Tour
I like to make sure that you know from the get go that this podcast is adult in nature because it includes true stories of sexual adventure. So unless you want to have a conversation with your kids that you're probably not ready to have, let's keep this between me and you, shall we? Put those earbuds in, make sure they're secure. Alright, let's go.
- [00:41]
MC Crumbsnatcher
All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide.
- [01:23]
Dixie de La Tour
My vagina is eight miles.
- [01:30]
Dolan Wolf
Why?
- [01:36]
Dixie de La Tour
Hi there. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour and this is episode 45 of the Body Storytelling Podcast. We have an incredible true story for you on this episode, but I need to tell you something first. Can you hang on just a minute? Hang on just a minute. This podcast is brought to you by you. If you go to patreon.com bodi and you give at whatever level you can. Patreon is a way to support the projects that you love and want to see in the world. In fact, Patreon is a way for us to have a deeper relationship with each other. We can have conversations. I can learn about the stories you want. And I can hear your own stories too. We can have live conversations. I'm about to head to LA to go to Patricon, which is a conference on Patreon. And I want to get really good at it. I want to know what you want. I want to know the sort of stories you hope to hear. And that happens because of Patreon. I'm really loving this platform. Your ongoing support means that I know that you value the Bodi storytelling podcast too. So go to patreon.com body and thanks in advance for your support. Our storyteller for this episode is originally from London, England. He likes to say he's done a reasonable amount of porn. And in fact he won an award for Best British Daddy once upon a time. You can find him promoting products for Mr. S Leather. And if you don't know Mr. S Leather, they're amazing. This was his second time on stage at Boddy, his first story. We labored over that story. It was work, came out great, but it took a lot of work for Both of us. When he pitched me another story a few months ago, I was like, okay. I steeled myself. I listened to the pitch and went, holy shit, that was perfect. I called him up and he said, dix, I paid attention to your coaching. And he sure did. This story got a standing ovation on stage in San Francisco. This time, our storyteller is Dolan Wolf.
- [03:58]
Dolan Wolf
You look amazing. Thank you. Thank you. I'm in a dark room down a back alley in the bowels of Waterloo Station in London. I'm surrounded by about ten other sweaty men. The man in front of me removes the towel from my waist, drops it on the floor, grabs my hard cock. Yeah, it's on. I'm 25. It's three years since I graduated, bursting with enthusiasm and dreams of becoming a writer. But here in the summer of 97, things aren't going quite to plan. I'm a PR executive, a job I should never have taken. Which is about the one thing my boss, Samantha, and I can agree on. I don't care for her, I don't care for pr. And the closest I am to being a writer is composing a press release promoting the virtues of exotic meats like kangaroo and kudu. My headline is Kudu, use something different on your barbecue. To make matters worse, I've just endured a particularly galling rugby injury. I grew up among rugby folk, but I wasn't built for it. I was about 100 pounds lighter than I am now. I sucked at it and I went away to college. I. I gave rugby a breather. And just for the hell of it, I learned how to juggle. So I came home from college, dragged back to the rugby club, and all of a sudden I discovered that I had hand to eye coordination I'd never had before. So when the ball came flying towards me, instead of being terrified that I was going to drop it, and then dropping it, I plucked it from the air so all of a sudden I could play this game. And I really enjoyed it. And I scored a try. That's like a touchdown. And it was truly orgasmic. I was loving it. And six games into my newfound love of rugby, I snapped this arm in two. And 18 months of rehabilitation later, undeterred, I go back onto the rugby pitch. Twenty minutes later, I'm carried off with a ruptured anterior cruciate ligament in my right knee. So I'm fucking miserable. My job's a joke, I'm broken, and oh yes, my love life is doa. So then two things happen. My friend Jackie gives me a copy of Jonathan Livingston's Seagull. Some of you may have read it. It's a story about a seagull that defies society's conventions to exceed his wildest dreams of mastering flight. The effect on me wasn't immediate, apart from making me cry, but it kind of acted like a slow release version of the Red pill from the Matrix, you know, the one that wakes Neo up from the machine reality. The other thing that happened is that Time Out London was circulated in the PR office where I was working and John the IT guy, thought it was hilarious to leave it open on my desk at the gay section. Now, up to this point in my life, the closet, I mean, closest I'd got to having any kind of gay sex was buying a few gay magazines. But that was just to check that I was normal down there. I lusted after women, I liked boobs. I genuinely enjoyed all five of the times I'd managed to have sex with women. And who would want to be gay in this world? Who the fuck would want to deal with that? So I knew how to deal with John's prank. I knew how to make him get bored of it and get over it. I just had to show him quiet disdain for the poor quality of his humor and not close the magazine too quickly. So as it lay open on my desk, I couldn't help notice in the corner of the magazine an advert for the Pleasure Drome sauna, including a coupon for £2 off. There were many reasons and fears why I hadn't acted on my homosexual curiosity before now, my Catholic guilt, the homophobia of the rugby culture I grew up in, HIV and AIDS headlines scandalizing George Michael for maybe being bisexual. So. But the main reason why I hadn't done anything was I was afraid that I would regret it for the rest of my life. Only at this point in my life, I was so fucking miserable, I didn't feel like it could get any worse. So I'm knocking on the door of the Pleasure Dome sauna and I'm beating back my fear with the thought if they didn't want me to be here, they wouldn't have advertised. And I'm asked for my name and I give a fake name and then the guy says, that's 12 pounds, and I quietly present my coupon for 2 pounds off. If this is going to be the end of my life, I'm going to get a good deal on it. So I open the door, I'm buzzed in, and I'm greeted with a scene of a couple of blokes changing, getting dressed in a changing room that is only remarkable for its ordinariness. It could be any changing room in a gym or rugby club. So I'm breathing deep, and I'm calming myself down and thinking, okay, this is probably just a place where men come to have a sauna located down the back alley of underneath Waterloo Station. And so I go and shower. And while I'm showering, I'm watching men come in and going to a steam room at the end of a corridor. And my brain is quietly freaking out, but my body has been hijacked by a part of me that's been repressed for so long, it's not letting go of the wheel. So I finish showering. I walk down the corridor. I'm being pushed deeper and deeper down this rabbit hole just outside the steam room. I see a notice saying sexual behavior in public is illegal. And I think, ok, that's it. Nothing sexy happens here. But then I think it seems more like a disclaimer than a prohibition. So I go into the steam room, and there's like eight to ten guys sat around a ceramic bench built into the wall. And I find a space not too close to any of them, and I sit down. And I'm trying to act like I do this kind of thing all the time. I can hear my heart beating in my ears, and I'm trying to survey the room subtly. And again, I'm struck by how very not gay looking any of the guys here are. I mean, apart from being half naked in a gay sauna. And I'm watching men coming and going, and one man will look at another, and then one of them will leave. And then after an appropriate pause, the other one will follow. And I'm witnessing cruising for the first time, and it's kind of hot. And then this guy comes in and sits down, and he's kind of like Colin Farrell, but a bit, you know, thicker set, maybe a couple of shades less pretty. Not wildly muscular, but firm. And he's looking at me, and he smiles. And despite the heat, my face is frozen with fear, so I can't smile back. But I'm kind of getting an understanding for what's going, how this works. So somehow I'm able to operate my legs, stand up, walk over and sit beside him. And initially, there's about 2 inches of air between us. And then almost without either of us having moved, our feet are touching, but I'm still not sure if it's on. And even if it is on, I don't know what that means. And now our hands are touching on the bench. But maybe I'm imagining this. Maybe I just want this so much. And he's only not pulling away because that would be rude. But now his hands on top of mine and our fingers are entwining. And now I know it's on, but I still don't know what that means. And the only thing I do know is that this is becoming a now or never situation. So I turn to look at him and he's looking at me. And then. And then instinct takes over and we both lean in and we kiss. And it's on. We kiss. We touch. Two men kissing and touching each other, each with our man cock, man balls, hairy, manly ass. It feels weird and wonderful and strange and natural. If my brain had escape pods, bits of it would be piling into them to escape the structural collapse that's surely about to happen. But it feels so fucking good. Clearly, this is my first rodeo. So I don't argue or, you know, I just. When this guy gets up to lead me out and into the dark room next door, okay. And it feels clandestine and it feels wrong, and it is wrong. There's a sign outside, clearly saying, so I'm defying Her Majesty's government, but it just feels so right. So we're in the dark room, our towels fall away. We grab each other's hard cocks. I've got a man's cock in my hand for the first time. And the space time continuum is not unraveling. And there are other guys in the room. And although it's dark, when your eyes adjust to the light, you can kind of see them. And that means they can see me. And think about it. When you've been so afraid to do something for fear of people knowing that you're doing it. And then you do it in front of people. Yeah. It helps to know that they want you to do that. But you're not just coming out of the closet, you're turning around and hammering the fuck out of the closet door. And you know the positive feedback loop that good sex has? You're turned on and that turns them on and that turns you on and that turns them on. Well, when you add an audience to that, an eager audience, anyway, they become part of that positive feedback loop and amplify it. And this guy was doing things with my nipples and his tongue that were just blowing my mind. I mean, like a double mindfuck on top of one already blown. I had no idea that, you know, aside from the pleasure, I Had no idea that I could get that much pleasure from my nipples. Up till now they'd been like the Kardashians, always there, but no practical use whatsoever. So the orgasm I had in that room was wonderful, but not nearly as important as how I got there or what came afterwards. We jerked each other off, we picked up our towels. David, the man who introduced me to my nipples, led me up the stairs to a kind of chill out space where we had some orange juice and he lounged in a bean bag while I sat in a proper chair. And I confessed that I'd never been anywhere like this before. I'd never had sex with a man before, never so much as kissed a man before. And he goes, sort of fakes a gasp and goes, what have you started? And I don't say anything, but in my head I'm like, I haven't started anything. And somewhere in my mind I can hear future me going, girl. And of course I had started something. I stumbled out of the sauna and I saw the world with totally different eyes. Now, any of the men on the street in front of me could have been like me or any of the men in the sauna. And before this, none of them were. Five years later, I'd be working for a gay men's sexual health charity. Ten years later, I'd be teaching classes in how to have better butt sex. And almost 21 years later, two years the day, give or take, I'm on this stage telling the story for you guys here at Bordeaux when I hear someone say to me, oh, I'm not the sort of person who fill in the blank. I'm compelled to say you're only not the sort of person who goes to a gay bathhouse or who winds up showing the world his shaved butthole on the front cover of a fisting dvd or telling your story at Bawdy until you are.
- [17:55]
MC Crumbsnatcher
Here's a list of foods for your.
- [17:57]
Dixie de La Tour
Mouth that are great for most anuses, what goes in and what comes out the butthole.
- [18:07]
Dolan Wolf
When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into.
- [18:10]
MC Crumbsnatcher
The bathroom and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole. What are you doing tonight, Fraser? Out and out, gagging on. What does ass ever tit mean? This is my cock. It's funny because I love saying the word cough, probably almost as much as I like playing with cocks. Maybe he has sandy hair or maybe his eyes are brown or blue. Maybe he has a fault or two. But I like men.
- [18:49]
Dixie de La Tour
Did you know that you can book me, you can help bring Body Storytelling's live show to your city. You can work with me as a story coach. We can do a storytelling workshop. We can have custom story coaching over Skype or Zoom. And I don't know, maybe I could be your sex consultant. Because I'm pretty open minded and most of the things that are thrown at me, I'm like, yeah, I love hearing about your life. Maybe you don't have anybody to talk to. I like listening. I'm a really good listener. So send me an email dixieodistorytelling.com Let me know where you are, let me know what you're interested in and you can book me and you and I can have a little one on one time. Doesn't that sound fun? So if you're looking for one of those albums that you can put on in your car and drive around with the windows down and shock everybody in town, I got the album for you. The name of the album is Shart Pop. The album is from MC Crumbsnatcher, who is somebody who performed at Body way back in the day, like 2011 or something like that. And then he moved off to la. He's been killing it in la. In fact, we had him in our LA show a couple years ago and they just ate him up. So he had a song that I thought particularly went well with the story on this episode. So we're going to play it for you now. This song is called Y S S M A. You'll figure out why when you hear the song. This song is from MC Crumbsnatcher.
- [20:33]
MC Crumbsnatcher
He said if you think my face is cute then you should see my ass oh, you should be fast oh, hit it from the back oh, if you think my face is cute then you should see my asshole Grab me by my back roll Pulverize my crack oh, if you think my face is cute then you should see my asshole Eat it like a snack though make my booty clap oh, if you think my face is cute look at my boy pussy Pick it, get down on your knees and then the nibble the goodies hey handsome he said through lip gloss Lips mascara eyes fatten looking down at my dick a contour but Jesus he was making me stiff and I was counting all the places I would like to lick he said just buy me a drink why don't you come back to mine I got a special thing to show you Can I please, would you mind? I know that's an idea I could get behind We Looked at the exit sign, we both made a beeline Fast forward, we're making out at his door and more than half of our clothes are screwing up on the floor. I said, you wanna show me something? He was all like and he said something to me that I never heard before. He said, you think my face is cute then you should be my asshole. You should do me fast. Oh hit it from the back oh if you think my face is cute then you should see my asshole Grab me by my back roll, pulverize my crack oh if you think my face is cute then you should see my asshole Eat it like a snack though make my booty clap oh if you think my face is cute look at my voice pussy, you could get down on your knees and then nibble the goodies. He said, call me auntie Anne. Then tied himself into a pretzel. I was like I must admit I was impressed though. Legs a bit in the air or what? Some shit I can't resist. Pucker in his booty hole for a little pink kiss. I said, fuck, that shit's tight. He said, don't worry, it expands. If I don't think I'm giving birth then I don't think that you're a man. Challenge accepted. He kissed me and then my dick did a double X and then I dived on it. He said, if you think my face is cute then you should see my asshole you should do me fast. Oh hit it from the back oh if you think my face is cute then you should see my asshole Grab me by my back roll pulverize my crack oh if you think my face is cute then you should see my asshole Eat it like a snack though make my booty clap oh if you think my face is cute look at my boy pussy. You can get down on your knees and then the nibble the goodies. Four hours went by, we was lying in bed and he was staring at the ceiling like the world was gonna end. I'm thinking what the fuck bro? Was this something I said? He started bawling like a bitch, I couldn't take it so I said what's the troubles bubbles? He said, I'm feeling bad Boy you got the biggest dick that I. Since he took it out of me I've been feeling sad cause ain't nobody fill my booty up like crumbs at Jakan. I said, is that old? Nah, don't worry bout me. This dick come with a lifetime guarantee and I will honor it for you especially cause your face so cute and asshole so pretty he said if you think my face is cute then you should see my asshole. You should do me fast though, hit it from the back so if you think my face is cute then you should see my asshole. Grab me by my back roll pulverize my crack oh if you think my face is cute then you should see my asshole. Eat it like a snack though make my booty clap. Oh if you think my face is cute look at my boy Gets on on your knees and then the nibble the goodies.
- [23:49]
Dixie de La Tour
I'mma pop in real quick and say a quick thank you. If you don't know about Good Vibrations, it is a sex toy store that has everything you've ever wanted. It is clean, it's well lighted, it's woman owned, it's sex positive. Everything about it is. I don't know, it restores your faith in humanity and you can buy vibrators and dildos and strap ons and masturbation sleeves and the most huge assortment of condoms you've ever seen anywhere. It's like one of my favorite dates to go with somebody. Kind of get ideas for how to spice things up. Good Vibrations has been providing our Bango prizes. So when you play Bango at the live show, we reward you with prize packages. The prize packages have been provided by Good Vibrations so I wanted to make sure you guys know about them so that you can go online@goodvibes.com or you can go to a shop near you. They have them on both coasts. Best date ever. Thank you Good Vibrations for supporting Body Storytelling and rewarding people for interacting in person, sharing their own stories on the Bango card. And in return you guys have been giving them incredible prizes. Thanks again. Did you know that people sometimes contact me up to a year in advance to ask the date of a Body Storytelling live show so that they can plan their vacation to come see it. There's nothing like it. I'm gonna give you the dates of upcoming live bodies and I hope that you'll be at one or more on October 25th. The theme is Wicked. That's Body Storytelling in Seattle at the rebar on November 9th in San Francisco. The theme is Pax a wallop. Brand new musical act. It's a Friday Night Show November 14th. We're going to be doing a collaboration show with the Risk Podcast in New York in Brooklyn at the Bell House. Kevin Allison and I love to create custom shows for you and the theme of this one is Pervert. You're going to want to be there for that on December 6th in Seattle. The theme is Naughty Bits. Still taking pitches for that. Naughty Bits was a great show that we did in San Francisco. I want to see what happens in Seattle and you can pitch me your story@dixieodystorytelling.com and then on December 13th, we really need it this year. The theme is Happy Endings. That'll be in San Francisco. That'll be our final show of the year. That's a lot of live shows that you could either be on stage, you could sit in the audience, you could play bango. All of those things only happen at a live body storytelling. Be sure and come up and say hi to me. Okay, it's time to say thank you. I'm gonna not save it to the end. I'm saying right now. Thank you for listening to this episode. Thank you for listening to the podcast. It means so much knowing that you're listening. It's better yet if you send me an email or you tweet at me. I'm Lottie. I'm on Facebook as body storytelling. I'm everywhere. As body storytelling, you can get at me. I want to hear what you think of the podcast and I just want to meet you because that's one of the reasons that I love storytelling so much. I also want to say thank you to team Bodi, who makes all this happen, to Joe Moore, who is our video person and archivist, to Dana Hanna, who's our project manager, to David Grossoff, our sound engineer, to Marty Garcia, our podcast producer. And we're gonna be back really soon with the next episode of the Bawdi storytelling podcast. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and here's a peek at what's next. I take a solo trip to San Francisco to go to an all female sex party.
- [27:56]
MC Crumbsnatcher
My first ever sex party.
- [27:59]
Dixie de La Tour
It was a little intimidating, a little challenging, but so hot.
- [28:08]
MC Crumbsnatcher
I mean, I don't know about you.
- [28:09]
Dixie de La Tour
But I just love the sight of.
- [28:12]
MC Crumbsnatcher
A lot of naked ladies getting sexy together.