Episode 58: ‘Consent & Crotch Rockets’ (Dossie Easton)

Summary

Bawdy Storytelling Podcast Episode 58: ‘Consent & Crotch Rockets’ (Dossie Easton)

Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Dossie Easton
Air Date: January 24, 2019

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Episode Overview

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling features Dossie Easton, iconic co-author of The Ethical Slut, psychotherapist, and storied member of the San Francisco kink and non-monogamous communities. The main themes of the episode are sex parties, the evolution and importance of consent culture, bisexuality, and personal empowerment in sexual expression. Dossie shares a seminal experience from her own life that illustrates her journey toward claiming her right to make a scene, establish boundaries, and teach others about consent—delivered with humor, candor, and unfiltered sex-positivity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Early Days of Sex Parties and the Struggle for Consent (06:20–10:30)

• Dossie reminisces about the 1970s San Francisco sex-positive scene, highlighting its progressive, open dialogue about sexuality, but also candidly exposing the era’s shortcomings:

  • Women who were openly sexual became targets for unwanted advances, often by strangers who felt entitled to touch, “just like our president” (08:14).
  • These experiences of violation—often brushed off or ignored by the broader community—left Dossie feeling angry, unsafe, and robbed of agency.

• Quote:

  “Any woman who took her clothes off and spread her leg was liable to find some total stranger groping her. Just like our president, yeah, right.”
  (08:08 - Dossie Easton)

2. A Seminal Sex Party Encounter: Power Dynamics and Disruption (10:30–13:25)

• Dossie tells the story of a scene at the legendary Catacombs sex club where, mid-flogging (with her date Fred), she is suddenly and painfully interrupted by an unknown man in a suit who pinches her nipples without consent.
• The story builds on the juxtaposition of the “amazing adventure” (06:20) of group sex spaces and their implicit vulnerabilities—especially for women.

3. Claiming the Right to “Make a Scene” (13:25–15:08)

• Drawing on her background in self-defense, Dossie identifies a crucial gendered lesson: women are socialized not to “make a scene,” even when violated.

• In this moment, Dossie consciously chooses to speak up—loudly and forcefully—breaking the social taboo and reclaiming her sense of safety and power.

• Quote:

  “This was the first time that I hauled my head back and I said, ‘Fuck you, motherfucker! What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Who the fuck do you think you are? Get the fuck off of me!’ I made a scene and he teleported off the motorcycle and scuttled away.”
  (13:48 - Dossie Easton)

• She emphasizes that interrupting a sexual scene to address violations does not ruin the mood, but rather preserves integrity and trust for all involved. The buildup of desire and sexual energy “will return in five or ten minutes” if the issue is properly handled (14:39).

4. From Outrage to Education: Transforming a Moment (15:09–16:13)

• After her outburst, Dossie describes following up with the offending man (and his partner) in the social lounge. Rather than berating, she uses it as a teaching moment:

  • She explains why it’s unacceptable to join a scene uninvited: it destroys the negotiated trust and dynamic, and risks violating boundaries.
  • The man, initially terrified, listens and appears genuinely grateful for the education.

• Quote:

  “Let me explain to you why we don’t interrupt a scene in progress... you weren’t part of the negotiation. So you didn’t know what your limits are. And you did something that I would have told you not to do.”
  (15:30 - Dossie Easton)

• Dossie reflects on two kinds of power she discovered:

  1. The power to make a scene, to protect herself and claim space for her needs.
  2. The power to educate afterward, helping others become better community members.

• Quote:

  “I had found my power in two different ways. One was the power to make a scene. I made a scene. Yay. And the other was the power to come back and make something more out of it. Make something that might move on into the future in a better way.”
  (16:06 - Dossie Easton)

5. Broader Legacy and Celebration: Building Consent Culture (03:00–05:40; throughout)

• Host Dixie de La Tour contextualizes Dossie’s impact, celebrating her as a “hero,” a foundational figure in the BDSM and sex-positive communities, and a pioneer in developing and teaching consent culture.
• The episode notes Dossie’s transition to a new phase in life, marked by her 75th birthday and the 20th anniversary edition of The Ethical Slut.

6. Musical Interlude: ‘The Unicorn Song’ by Rachel Lark (19:40–25:35)

• Rachel Lark delivers a biting, hilarious satire of “unicorn hunting” in polyamory—seeking a magical, mythical third partner. Her lyrics expose common pitfalls and unrealistic expectations in threesomes, furthering the episode’s sex-positive and self-aware tone.

• Memorable lyric:

  “We want a girl who’s available not next Wednesday, but the Wednesday after, from like 2 to 4:30—and preferably somewhere in the Mission.”
  (23:35 - Rachel Lark)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On sex party etiquette:

  “Crib mattresses are really good. They’re just about big enough. And in the middle of the dungeon, there was this beautiful Harley bolted to the floor.”
  (10:13 - Dossie Easton)

• On personal empowerment:

  “I didn’t want to give these fools the power to blow me out of the water—that nice, warm, sexy water I want to swim in. Yeah, not right. Not right.”
  (09:38 - Dossie Easton)

• Closure:

  “With all that, I was really able to truthfully and sincerely say: You are welcome. As are you all.”
  (16:12 - Dossie Easton)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:51] – Dixie’s introduction of the episode’s sex-positive themes and Dossie Easton's biography
• [05:40] – Dossie Easton begins her personal story
• [06:20–10:30] – Early sex parties and consent struggles
• [10:30–13:25] – The Catacombs encounter and scene interruption
• [13:25–15:08] – The power and significance of making a scene
• [15:09–16:13] – Teaching about consent and self-reflection
• [19:40–25:35] – ‘The Unicorn Song’ by Rachel Lark (comic musical interlude)
• [25:35+] – Host’s community announcements and event info

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Tone and Style

The episode is candid, irreverent, and deeply human—true to Bawdy Storytelling’s reputation as “the Moth for pervs.” Both Dixie and Dossie approach heavy topics (violation, agency) with warmth, humor, and a drive to educate. They center radical honesty and inclusivity, both in telling sex stories and in navigating challenging, transformative experiences.

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Summary

Episode 58 of Bawdy Storytelling is an unflinching, triumphant celebration of sexual agency and the necessity of proactive, explicit consent. Through Dossie Easton’s story, listeners enter the nuanced, sometimes messy world of sex parties and kink, witnessing the evolution from permissiveness to a true “culture of consent.” The episode’s humor and wisdom make it both a vital oral history and a beacon for anyone navigating polyamory, bisexuality, or the broader sex-positive community.

Transcript

[Dixie de La Tour]

Has your gynecologist told you that you have a pretty pedenda? Did a date recently mention your seductive snatch? Well, the folks at Clone a Willy know how much you love sex, so they've created a gift that's ideal for long distance relationships, for crafters, and for that thoughtful partner who wants to show they care in a way that's not just your typical flowers and candy. This week on Body Storytelling, we have a Valentine's Day gift that's do it Yourself. And so uniquely you, it's literally you. And not just that you can have sex with it. More on that and how to save later on in the show. The following podcast is explicit and adult in nature, but you're at work, so put your pants back on. Okay.

[Rachel Lark]

All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous. Get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? My vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide. My vagina is eight miles.

[Dixie de La Tour]

Hi there and welcome to the Bodi Storytelling Podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, your tour guide to the wild side. And this time we're going to be talking about sex parties, consent, bisexuality, and threesomes. Fuck yeah. Let's do it. So I'm going to tell you a little story, because I'm a storyteller. That's what I do. I was at the Seattle Body Storytelling last week, and at the intermission, I went out and started talking to people in the very full room, talking to the crowd, and a woman walked up to me and she said, hey, I love your podcast. It was assigned as homework, and that's how I found it. And I listen all the time. And I said, wait a minute, back up. What do you mean it was assigned as homework? She told me that at the University of Pennsylvania in the sexuality and folklore class, that Body Storytelling's podcast is assigned as extra credit. What? Like, I'm still reeling from that one. Thank you for telling me something like that. Like, they're teaching what I do in college.

[Rachel Lark]

Holy shit.

[Dixie de La Tour]

Please tell me when things like that come up in your life, please send me emails. I love knowing this stuff. I'm not in Pennsylvania. How would I know that? But I know it now thanks to somebody in Seattle who came up and told me Face to Face. Our story on this week's episode is from One of My heroes. She is a longtime player in the San Francisco S and M scene. She is the co author, with Janet Hardy of the Ethical Slut of the Bottoming Book, the Topping Book, and Radical S and M Journeys to Transcendence. She's also a psychotherapist who's been working with individuals, couples and more in her private practice in San Francisco, with a particular interest in how S and M journeys into shadow can bring old wound into the healing light of consciousness and give them a shot of life force in the form of good, hot sex. She has been an active sex Radical since 1961, a member of the first board of directors of the Society of Janus in San Francisco in 1974, and active with San Francisco Sex Information from 1973 to 1985. She makes her homes in the mountains north of San Francisco, travels to teach at conferences. Scratch that. I hear she's not traveling anymore. And this event that we have coming up on February 3, her 75th birthday, will mean that she's transitioning to a new way to run her practice and to live her life. This is a celebration of her. I believe you should celebrate people while they're amongst us so we can give them all our love. And on Sunday, February 3, we are doing an event to celebrate the co author of the Ethical Slut, Dawsey Easton. It has been one of my proudest moments having her on my stage, and it's happened a few times. She's going to be telling several of her stories, including the one that led her to become a slut, to identify as a slut, to become non monogamous. That was 50 years ago. And we're celebrating her 75th birthday on that same night. This is just one of the stories she has told on stage at Body Storytelling. This story is from Dawsey Easton.

[Dawsey Easton]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all for being here. Here it is. I don't have any to give you tonight, but I want you to know that Random House invited us to do a third edition. It's the 20th anniversary of the first publication of the Ethical Slut. It's bigger and better. And for our story tonight, it's kind of taken from one of the new things in there, which is a chapter called Building a Culture of Consent. And this one, this one, Dixie, I brought up specially for you.

[Rachel Lark]

Oh, I was going to hold it.

[Dixie de La Tour]

For you, but that's awesome.

[Dawsey Easton]

That one is yours. Okay. I love sex parties. I think sex parties are amazing. When you get in a room with like 30, 40, even 70 people, and people are getting it on and they're 50, feeling good, and you can hear the moans and the groans and the sighs and the laughter, and every once in a while. Oh, that sounded like Susan. Yes. And it's an amazing adventure. Just amazing. And it amps things up. It amps things up and amps things up. But when I first started doing this back in 1973, I had just joined San Francisco Sex Information. Some of you know what that is. Yes. The rest of you, go Google it. San Francisco sex information, very important. And I had a community of people who talked about sex all the time, thought about sex. You know, it was like high consciousness for sex, which was really amazing. You know, we worry about connecting our body and our mind. Well, that was a really good place to do it, here to here, you know, really good. And. But when we started having these sex parties, there were people there. You've heard about the Madonna whore problem, right? Any woman who took her clothes off and spread her leg was liable to find some total stranger groping her. Just like our president. Yeah, right. It was really difficult. And this thing used to make me so angry that it would kind of blow me out of the water and I would not feel safe. And it was real difficult. I'll give you an example. This one's actually kind of funny. The first by center party was at my house, in my living room. We had this big house up on Twin Peaks, and we had a lot of beach towels on the floor and people were fucking. And I was there with my lover Tom, who was this very, very nice poet, blonde guy, really sweetheart, played the kungas. And we were flirting with this little flower fairy of a woman. She was like this tiny little person, and she decided that it would be neat if he cuddled me and spooned me and cuddled me while she went down on. And I thought that was a great idea. So there I was. And that felt really nice. It's, you know, when people go down on you, they're so far away. And it's really nice to have somebody else to hold the other rest of your body, you know? And so I'm enjoying this enormously. And I close my eyes and I'm very turned on. And I'm getting there. And she gets up and I feel somebody else crawling between my legs. And I open my eyes and there's a bald spot. And I see her and she says, my husband makes me dry. So I got really. This went on and on one Episode after another. It was crazy. It was just crazy. And I was struggling with this because really, I didn't want to give these fools the power to blow me out of the water. That nice, warm, sexy water that I want to swim in. Yeah, not right. Not right. So I struggled with this. I thought about it, and I'm going to Fast forward about 8 to 10 years of many sex parties and many adventures. But this was the time I turned a corner, and it was at the old catacombs. And you go in there, and there's kind of a social room in the front where there's snacks and soft drinks and ways to replenish your blood sugar so you can keep going all night. And then in the next room is the playroom with bondage beds and massage beds and little crib mattresses that you can throw around the floor and put them down so you can fuck anywhere. Very clever idea, that crib mattresses are really good. They're just about big enough. And in the middle of the dungeon, there was this beautiful Harley bolted to the floor. And I had a date with the owner, Fred, who was this gorgeous, tall, lean gay man with perfectly trimmed dark beard and hair. And in his leather vest, in his chaps and his boots. Oh, daddy. And I'm there in a corset, and it was about half my life ago, I realized I'm there in a corset and stockings and heels and nothing else. And we're doing just fine. And Fred is flogging me, and he is really a genius with a flogger. So I'm really having a lovely time, and I'm getting all floaty, and I close my eyes and I'm leaning on the bars of the motorcycle, and all of a sudden, I feel something move in front of me. And then something pinches my nipples really, really, really hard. It felt terrible. And I opened my eyes, and sitting on the motorcycle is a guy in a tan suit with a blue shirt and a tie and this kind of boyish face. He looked kind of like Ferris Bueller in a suit, sitting on the motorcycle.

[Rachel Lark]

Ha ha, ha ha ha.

[Dawsey Easton]

Twisting away all those nipples. And I realized at the time that the music was very loud. And Fred didn't know if this was a friend of mine or not. I mean, he was only guessing. And so I. Oh, I forgot to say this. When I was teaching self defense, one of the things we used to always work on was that women are taught not to make a scene. Y' all recognize this? Yep. Not supposed to make a scene. Somebody does Something terrible. Don't make a scene. You got cramps. Don't tell anybody. Don't make a scene. Don't make a scene. So this was the first time that I hauled my head back and I said, fuck you, motherfucker. What the fuck do you think you're doing? Who the fuck do you think you are? Get the fuck off of me. I made a scene and he teleported off the motorcycle and scuttled away. And Fred and I checked in for a minute and kind of calmed down and then we went back to what we were doing and finished the scene. There's a little sidebar here. I want you to know that it is always okay to interrupt a scene to take care of business that needs to be taken care of. But there's a reason for this. I want you to understand. All that turn on that took you half an hour, maybe an hour to build up to. To get to where everything was terribly exciting. Only now something went wrong and needs to be dealt with. Will return in five or 10 minutes if you deal with what you need to deal with and go back. So we went back and we had our wonderful scene. We came to our great conclusion of this. Screaming and yelling and shouting and cursing. It was lovely. And cuddled for a little bit afterwards. And then I went back out into the social room and there is the man with Ferris Bueller's face sitting there kind of dejected. Next to him is a woman with a helmet head and a little black cocktail dress and human colored stockings and nice low heels, so she won't be taller than her boyfriend. Pearls, even pearls, I swear. And I felt incomplete somehow. And I wanted to talk to them in sentences instead of just shrieking, you know. So I walked over and when he looked up and he saw me walking toward them, he looked terrified. What is that crazy bitch going to do? And I felt strength well up within me. I have all the power in this situation. At one point I was in a party full of people. I was in no danger at any time. It's different if you're actually in danger. But for this, I was in control. And I walked over and I said, is this the first party you guys have ever been to? They said, uh huh, uh huh. And I said, well, let me explain to you why we don't interrupt a scene in progress. First of all, Fred and I had been there. We'd been building up energy, building up the connection, you know, getting into the flow. And so we'd spent quite a bit of time getting to the place where it was so sexy that you wanted to jump in and you just interrupted and killed the flow. Not only that, but you weren't part of the negotiation. So you didn't know what your limits are. And you did something that I would have told you not to do. So these are some of the many reasons why you should never interrupt a scene in progress, especially not with strangers. Never. And he looked up at me and his face kind of softened. And he said very fervently and earnestly, he said, thank you. And I realized that this guy might not be past redemption, you know? And at the same time, I realized that I had found my power in two different ways. One was the power to make a scene. I made a scene. Yay. And the other was the power to come back and make something more out of it. Make something that might move on into the future in a better way. And. And with all that, I was really able to truthfully and sincerely say, you are welcome. As are you all. Thank you.

[Dixie de La Tour]

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[Rachel Lark]

I've been looking all of my life for that special someone who fits just right I feel I deserve it I've had a lot of therapy it's clear as day that this would work for me I've talked it over I've thought it through I know what I'm looking for there's just one thing to do I'll tell my wife we need a unicorn, unicorn A unicorn in our lives we need a unicorn, unicorn, unicorn to help our sex life survive It'll be a dream for everyone involved Just us three writhing in a loving ball of kinky sex that we'll all be good at. Just cause there's more of us, it'll improve. Yeah. A writhing, sweaty ball of sex that's hot to look at. No one left out. Cause we're all in the groove. I've seen it work on tv I've seen it work on tv. Come on baby, work for me. So now. Thanks. So now my wife's on board. Yay. And we've got our list of rules and attributes and of course, her politics. We'll go to Polly Happy Hour on Thursday at 4. And once we meet her there, we'll lay down the score. Here goes, you guys. We want a girl who's attracted to me and my wife equally. So it works out 5050 every time. Mentally stable, but emotionally available. Good abs and able to fuck us for days. I want a girl who's a gymnast. Why not? She has her own amazing friends, but doesn't date any of them. She finds our remarks extremely wise. Laughing at our jokes and saying, oh my God, you guys. If she volunteers with orphans, that's cool. Pursuing her PhD in global finance. Her sweat tastes like rainbows and it's just ridiculous. Her sweat tastes like rainbows and her nipples are stars. We never have to argue she's emotionally smart. We want a girl who's available not next Wednesday, but the Wednesday after. From like 2 to 4:30. And preferably somewhere in the mission. Cause that's where I work. But actually if she wanted to just meet me at work, then that would add like 15 minutes to hangout time, so that'd be great. And when we spring it on her that New Year's should really be just us, she'll be like, totally. That's fine. Thanks for taking care of yourselves. And when we tell her that we feel she really hasn't been doing that much work, she'll be like, totally. You guys are everything to me. I get that your connection is the focus here. So I will do my best to adapt. Just please keep fucking me. And then we would. Yeah. And now we're seeking the unicorn of our dreams. But we haven't really been impressed with what we've seen. Just regular people everywhere we viewed. And all the poly message boards have frankly been rude. They call us rookies. They call us naive. I think they're jealous. They don't like what they see. They don't want us to have our unicorn. Unicorn, unicorn. A unicorn all our own. They wanna hide us from their unicorn. Unicorns, unicorns, unicorns. But we want one that we can take home It'll be a dream. Stroking her unicorn hair. Yeah. She'll stay in the guest room. Cause she knows it's hard to sleep when she's there. She'll be the best sex toy. I mean, person that we've used. I mean, been with. I mean, it'll be great. We can show her off when we're in the right context. And when we're not, we'll just have sex and skip the date. I've seen it work on tv. I've seen it work on tv. Come on, baby. Work for me and be my unicorn. You like it?

[Dixie de La Tour]

So I was just in Seattle, and I stayed for podcon, and as I left on Saturday, I stopped at a frozen yogurt shop, and the woman behind the counter takes my order. She said, how's your day going? What'd you do today? And I said, well, I just got done with a podcasting conference. And she said, oh, do you have a podcast? And I said, well, how do you feel about sexuality? She goes, there's a podcasting conference dedicated to sexuality. Where's that? I'm like, hang on, back up. There's a podcast dedicated to sexuality, and it's called Bawdy Storytelling. I gave her a card, told her about it, and she asked me questions and said, do you do it here in Seattle? I said, every single month. And she says, you know what? It's so hard to make new friends when you move to a new city. And I have had the hardest time meeting people. And I said, well, we fixed that for you. We have this game called Bango. It's like Dirty Bingo. You get to walk up, inspired. People will want to tell you their stories because they've been listening to stories all night. Songs, stories. Everybody's guard is down. Everybody's just natural and relaxed and talking to you like you're their best friend. It becomes so easy to make new friends. And you're probably going to get invited to orgies or, you know, things that happens a lot there, too. You probably going to get a date, but you're definitely going to make a friend. So let me tell you about upcoming body storytellings where you can make new friends. Sunday, February 3rd. Dawsey Easton is celebrating her 75th birthday with us and the 50th anniversary of the adventure. Adventure that led her to realize that she was a slut, was never going to be monogamous again. I'm so honored that she's celebrating her birthday with us. She really wanted body for her birthday, so we're going to do it at the Verdi Club in San Francisco on Sunday, February 3rd. I will tell you that tickets are selling really fast for this event and I don't want it to sell out before you get yours. So go to bodystorytelling.com as soon as you can and get your tickets so that you can join us in celebrating Dawsey Easton on February 3rd. On Valentine's Day, which is a Thursday, we are going to be doing Best of Body. The people who took the stage at the Rebar Seattle in 2018 will be competing against each other. And you decide who the lineup's gonna be. They get bragging rights to say that they're the best body storytelling. They can say that for as long as they want. But you decide who goes on stage. Gonna have a survey. It's gonna be out in the next couple of days. There will be a short window to vote for your favorite storyteller. I will contact the winners and then we will have those people on stage celebrating Valentine's Day with us in Seattle. And then on February 23rd, it's our 12 year anniversary. 12 years I've been talking about buttholes. 12 years. Stories about fisting and threesomes and science fiction, sex parties and cuckold. All of the things BBC everything. That's how long I've been doing it. We're going to celebrate it together. At 7pm is our 12 year anniversary show. We've already got Midori and Dolan Wolf, who you've heard here on the podcast at 10pm that night is the Best of Body. We'll be having that same survey where you can vote for your favorite storytellers. And the people that you choose will be on stage on February 23rd at our 10pm show. So please go get your tickets on our website, bodystorytelling.com you can also find the events on Facebook and FetLife. Because you're a pervert, I know you're there. You're not fooling anybody. There is no way in hell I could make this podcast on my own. So it's time to say thank you. Thank you to podcast producer Marty Garcia. You know, podcasting is different than stage shows and I had a hard time with it. But I am actually really loving creating this podcast and it's because of Marty Garcia, my podcast producer. I love creating with him, I love brainstorming with him and I'm enjoying podcasting because I'm doing it with him. Thank you to video archivist Joe Moore, to sound engineer David Grossoff, to project manager Dana Hanna. And I want to say thank you to you for listening, for telling your friends. If you tell just one friend about this podcast, that means the next number of downloads that this thing gets will double. And suddenly we're going to get some attention because they care about numbers. So tell your friends to listen and rate us and review us wherever you do that, because it helps so, so much. Thank you in advance for doing that. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. Thank you for listening to the Bawdi storytelling podcast. And here's a peek at what's next.

[Rachel Lark]

And I was like, I'm an exhibitionist. Okay, now I know.