Bawdy Storytelling Podcast Episode 58: ‘Consent & Crotch Rockets’ (Dossie Easton)

Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Dossie Easton
Air Date: January 24, 2019

Episode Overview

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling features Dossie Easton, iconic co-author of The Ethical Slut, psychotherapist, and storied member of the San Francisco kink and non-monogamous communities. The main themes of the episode are sex parties, the evolution and importance of consent culture, bisexuality, and personal empowerment in sexual expression. Dossie shares a seminal experience from her own life that illustrates her journey toward claiming her right to make a scene, establish boundaries, and teach others about consent—delivered with humor, candor, and unfiltered sex-positivity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Early Days of Sex Parties and the Struggle for Consent (06:20–10:30)

• Dossie reminisces about the 1970s San Francisco sex-positive scene, highlighting its progressive, open dialogue about sexuality, but also candidly exposing the era’s shortcomings:

  • Women who were openly sexual became targets for unwanted advances, often by strangers who felt entitled to touch, “just like our president” (08:14).
  • These experiences of violation—often brushed off or ignored by the broader community—left Dossie feeling angry, unsafe, and robbed of agency.

• Quote:

  “Any woman who took her clothes off and spread her leg was liable to find some total stranger groping her. Just like our president, yeah, right.”
  (08:08 - Dossie Easton)

2. A Seminal Sex Party Encounter: Power Dynamics and Disruption (10:30–13:25)

• Dossie tells the story of a scene at the legendary Catacombs sex club where, mid-flogging (with her date Fred), she is suddenly and painfully interrupted by an unknown man in a suit who pinches her nipples without consent.
• The story builds on the juxtaposition of the “amazing adventure” (06:20) of group sex spaces and their implicit vulnerabilities—especially for women.

3. Claiming the Right to “Make a Scene” (13:25–15:08)

• Drawing on her background in self-defense, Dossie identifies a crucial gendered lesson: women are socialized not to “make a scene,” even when violated.

• In this moment, Dossie consciously chooses to speak up—loudly and forcefully—breaking the social taboo and reclaiming her sense of safety and power.

• Quote:

  “This was the first time that I hauled my head back and I said, ‘Fuck you, motherfucker! What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Who the fuck do you think you are? Get the fuck off of me!’ I made a scene and he teleported off the motorcycle and scuttled away.”
  (13:48 - Dossie Easton)

• She emphasizes that interrupting a sexual scene to address violations does not ruin the mood, but rather preserves integrity and trust for all involved. The buildup of desire and sexual energy “will return in five or ten minutes” if the issue is properly handled (14:39).

4. From Outrage to Education: Transforming a Moment (15:09–16:13)

• After her outburst, Dossie describes following up with the offending man (and his partner) in the social lounge. Rather than berating, she uses it as a teaching moment:

  • She explains why it’s unacceptable to join a scene uninvited: it destroys the negotiated trust and dynamic, and risks violating boundaries.
  • The man, initially terrified, listens and appears genuinely grateful for the education.

• Quote:

  “Let me explain to you why we don’t interrupt a scene in progress... you weren’t part of the negotiation. So you didn’t know what your limits are. And you did something that I would have told you not to do.”
  (15:30 - Dossie Easton)

• Dossie reflects on two kinds of power she discovered:

  1. The power to make a scene, to protect herself and claim space for her needs.
  2. The power to educate afterward, helping others become better community members.

• Quote:

  “I had found my power in two different ways. One was the power to make a scene. I made a scene. Yay. And the other was the power to come back and make something more out of it. Make something that might move on into the future in a better way.”
  (16:06 - Dossie Easton)

5. Broader Legacy and Celebration: Building Consent Culture (03:00–05:40; throughout)

• Host Dixie de La Tour contextualizes Dossie’s impact, celebrating her as a “hero,” a foundational figure in the BDSM and sex-positive communities, and a pioneer in developing and teaching consent culture.
• The episode notes Dossie’s transition to a new phase in life, marked by her 75th birthday and the 20th anniversary edition of The Ethical Slut.

6. Musical Interlude: ‘The Unicorn Song’ by Rachel Lark (19:40–25:35)

• Rachel Lark delivers a biting, hilarious satire of “unicorn hunting” in polyamory—seeking a magical, mythical third partner. Her lyrics expose common pitfalls and unrealistic expectations in threesomes, furthering the episode’s sex-positive and self-aware tone.

• Memorable lyric:

  “We want a girl who’s available not next Wednesday, but the Wednesday after, from like 2 to 4:30—and preferably somewhere in the Mission.”
  (23:35 - Rachel Lark)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On sex party etiquette:

  “Crib mattresses are really good. They’re just about big enough. And in the middle of the dungeon, there was this beautiful Harley bolted to the floor.”
  (10:13 - Dossie Easton)

• On personal empowerment:

  “I didn’t want to give these fools the power to blow me out of the water—that nice, warm, sexy water I want to swim in. Yeah, not right. Not right.”
  (09:38 - Dossie Easton)

• Closure:

  “With all that, I was really able to truthfully and sincerely say: You are welcome. As are you all.”
  (16:12 - Dossie Easton)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:51] – Dixie’s introduction of the episode’s sex-positive themes and Dossie Easton's biography
• [05:40] – Dossie Easton begins her personal story
• [06:20–10:30] – Early sex parties and consent struggles
• [10:30–13:25] – The Catacombs encounter and scene interruption
• [13:25–15:08] – The power and significance of making a scene
• [15:09–16:13] – Teaching about consent and self-reflection
• [19:40–25:35] – ‘The Unicorn Song’ by Rachel Lark (comic musical interlude)
• [25:35+] – Host’s community announcements and event info

Tone and Style

The episode is candid, irreverent, and deeply human—true to Bawdy Storytelling’s reputation as “the Moth for pervs.” Both Dixie and Dossie approach heavy topics (violation, agency) with warmth, humor, and a drive to educate. They center radical honesty and inclusivity, both in telling sex stories and in navigating challenging, transformative experiences.

Summary

Episode 58 of Bawdy Storytelling is an unflinching, triumphant celebration of sexual agency and the necessity of proactive, explicit consent. Through Dossie Easton’s story, listeners enter the nuanced, sometimes messy world of sex parties and kink, witnessing the evolution from permissiveness to a true “culture of consent.” The episode’s humor and wisdom make it both a vital oral history and a beacon for anyone navigating polyamory, bisexuality, or the broader sex-positive community.