Podcast Summary: Bawdy Storytelling – Episode 74: “F*ck Yurt” (Sarah Newsome)

Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Sarah Newsome
Release Date: May 16, 2019
Episode Theme: Sex-positive transformation, queer/poly community, and festival hookup misadventures

Overview

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling features Sarah Newsome’s hilarious and honest tale, “F*ck Yurt”, a journey of self-discovery and sexual misadventure set at a regional Burning Man event. Guided by her friend Lindsay, Sarah explores the world of polyamory, festivals, and psychedelic-fueled sex tents—and ultimately finds empowerment through embracing her (sometimes messy) desires. The story is told with raw vulnerability, humor, and a vivid sense of place, making for a quintessential Bawdy storyteller debut.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sarah’s State of Mind & Entry into the Festival Scene

• Sarah opens about feeling like a failure: failing at her job, not “cool enough” for the queer scene, or experienced enough for kink.
• Friend Lindsay recommends attending Critical Northwest (the Seattle-area regional Burning Man):

  “...come to Critical Northwest with me. It’s the regional Burning Man event up in Seattle…a good way to just let go. Fresh start.” (11:46)

• Sarah attends, seeking community, adventure, and maybe a dose of self-worth.

2. Immersion in the Poly/Queer/Kink Camp Community

• Sarah camps at “Uncle Louie’s”, a highly active poly camp at the event, but is immediately overwhelmed:

  “I had no experience with anything poly before. And immediately I’m like, lost in the sea of acronyms they’re using…FWB, HBB, LFG—and I’m like, WTF?” (13:30)

• Despite the supportive, pervy, sex-positive environment, Sarah still feels like an outsider:

  “All the icky insecurities that I’d been battling just came bubbling up.” (13:53)

3. Self-Deprecation & Relatability

• Sarah introduces her personal acronym: “EFBM—Everybody’s fucking but me.” (14:28)
• Cries in her tent to Lindsay about being unwanted despite the context—surrounded by “perverts”, but still not getting laid.

4. Decision to Take MDMA—The “Gateway Drug”

• Lindsay offers Sarah “moon rocks” (MDMA), which Sarah accepts after verifying two key concerns:

  “Will it cause brain damage?” (No.)
  “Is there any possibility at all I’ll shit myself?” (No.) (15:38)

• With her blue wig and fishnets, Sarah quickly experiences how transformative MDMA can be:

  “Holy shit. Now I know what’s going on with MDMA. It’s amazing. My skin is on fire and colors are so pretty and I want to put everything…in my mouth and I want to touch everything.” (16:26)

5. First Wild Hookup—Comic Festival Surreality

• Attracted to a “six foot four, redheaded, bearded, Viking lumbersexual” she impulsively asks, “Can I rub my face in your beard?” (17:14)
• They head for the “Tuna Melt” sex tent, with an array of lube, condoms, toys, and more (“Oh my God, this is great!” 18:18).
• The sex is passionate, hilarious, and real:

  “My Viking takes my fishnets and starts ripping the stitches in the crotch and with each tear I am getting so wet… He lets out this guttural growl as he comes and then he collapses on top of me like a redwood falling in the forest.” (18:31) “He wipes the blue wig away from my face and looks into my eyes…leans in and goes, ‘Jesus Christ, your pupils are enormous right now.’” (19:08)

6. The Following Night—Group Chaos & Classic Festival Mishaps

• The event’s last night: everyone’s finishing their drugs, and there’s a literal line for the tent.
• Viking is “super high on mushrooms”—consent is checked (“Oh yeah, awesome. Let’s get weird.” 20:10).
• Inside is not the sexy “electricity,” but the actual buzz of a huge bug zapper and overpowering “odor of sweat and dirty sunscreen.” (20:37)
• Amid a wild, bodies-everywhere scene, Sarah nabs a small spot and begins:
• Her Viking, distracted and tripping, begins to talk to her vagina about his life story:

  “He’s talking to my vagina. He’s having, like, a conversation with my vagina, like they’re catching up like old friends.” (21:11)

7. Why You Don’t Mix Mushrooms & Hygiene Products

• Viking, trying to be helpful, accidentally uses hand sanitizer instead of lube, lighting Sarah’s genitals on fire:

  “That is hand sanitizer! Oh my God, my Viking is so shroomed out that he has now put Purell all over my genitals and all over his.” (22:10)

• Rather than bolt, Sarah reaches for a crusty riding crop and transforms the chaos into playful empowerment:

  “I start to imagine that this riding crop is like a magic wand. …I’ve become like the wizard Mickey in Fantasia…” (22:41)

8. Sexual Empowerment Through Cathartic (and Hilarious) Orgy Mishap

• Despite madness—burning genitals, gross pillows, surreal orgy choreography—Sarah is at the center, orchestrating and enjoying herself.
• She reclaims her confidence and pleasure, climaxing and leaving with a sense of agency.

9. Resolution & Transformation

• Exiting the tent, it’s clear the experience catalyzed deep change:

  “I notice I’m leaving more behind than just this wild adventure. I walk away leaving behind all these shitty insecurities that had been weighing me down and drowning me for the past year… Instead, I walked away feeling empowered. Like, yeah, I’m sexy, I’m fun, I’m adventurous, I am disgusting, and I am. And the most important thing is, I walked away feeling like I am finally good enough. And I have a tiny little fuck yurt in the woods to thank for that.” (24:04)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Should I have done that second dose of MDMA?” — Sarah Newsome (10:29)
• “I had no experience with anything poly before…and immediately I’m like, lost in the sea of acronyms.” — Sarah Newsome (13:30)
• “My essential need-to-know questions before experimenting with drugs: Will it cause brain damage? … Is there any possibility I’ll shit myself?” — Sarah Newsome (15:38)
• “He wipes the blue wig away from my face and…he goes, ‘Jesus Christ, your pupils are enormous right now.’” — Sarah Newsome (19:08)
• “He’s having a conversation with my vagina, like they’re catching up like old friends.” — Sarah Newsome (21:11)
• “That is hand sanitizer!” — Sarah Newsome (22:10)
• “I’ve become like the wizard Mickey in Fantasia, where I’m like, yes and yes, and your butt’s going to go up, and your mouth’s going to go on that cock…” — Sarah Newsome (22:41)
• “I walked away feeling empowered…like I am finally good enough. And I have a tiny little fuck yurt in the woods to thank for that.” — Sarah Newsome (24:04)

Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Content | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 10:11 | Story begins: Sarah describes the wild yurt scene | | 11:46 | Sarah’s initial struggles, burnout, and Lindsay’s festival suggestion | | 13:30 | Sarah’s bewilderment at poly relationships, acronyms, and insecurities | | 14:28 | “Everybody’s fucking but me” – the ultimate festival FOMO | | 15:38 | Decision to take MDMA, and her criteria for trying new drugs | | 16:26 | Sensory transformation on MDMA and the start of flirtation | | 18:31 | Vivid, comic description of festival sex with the “Viking” | | 19:08 | Hilarious post-coital blue-wig moment | | 20:10 | Consent check with the shroomed Viking | | 21:11 | Viking delivers small talk to her vagina | | 22:10 | The infamous “hand sanitizer as lube” fiasco | | 22:41 | Sarah’s Fantasia-inspired orgy orchestration | | 24:04 | Emotional/psychological resolution and self-acceptance post-yurt |

Tone & Style

• Language: Frank, irreverent, queer-positive, gleefully filthy
• Mood: Comic, self-effacing, raw, transformative—combining belly-laugh humor with moments of real vulnerability

Conclusion

Sarah Newsome’s “F*ck Yurt” story is a quintessential Bawdy Storytelling highlight: uproariously funny, totally honest, and unexpectedly moving. Through sex, drugs, festival chaos, and authentic community, Sarah unearths the liberation of letting go of self-doubt—and celebrates the wild, sticky, empowering side of sex-positive self-discovery. This first-time storyteller’s journey (and her encounter with hand sanitizer) is likely to make listeners cringe, laugh, and ultimately cheer.