← Next On Scene: The Human Behind The Brand
Next On Scene: The Human Behind The Brand
How To Start Changing How We Speak To Ourselves And The Negative Stories We're Telling.
00:31:27
Loading summary
Transcript43 lines
- [00:01]
A
Welcome back to Becoming Next on Scene everybody. I am so excited to be back with you all. I am back from maternity leave. My daughter is now three months old. Next week, by the time you listen to this podcast, she will be three months old. So crazy. I am so excited to be back here with an amazing guest. But before I start opening up about that, I always like to start with a marketing tip that you can definitely incorporate into your life personally and professionally. And so the tip this week is really going to be all about just showing up for yourself. I feel really called about this because I think what people don't understand is sometimes showing up online and on bigger scale speaking and media is so intimidating even in my even though like deep down you know it's a desire that you want and I think a psychological way of looking at it is if you're not showing up, somebody that really needs to hear what you have to say is missing out on that opportunity because you can really help inspire that one person for showing up for them because they might be having a hard day or they might need to hear we have to say to take them to get their next step right. So I think that's really important and that's something you can use personally, professionally in your life on a day to day basis. And I felt the need to talk about that today. I'm so excited to have my amazing guest. We have amazing relationship mindset coach and inspirational speaker Jackie Roby. We talk all about all things analysis, paralysis, over giving, overachieving self doubt, how to really find ourselves within and feel confident about it. And she's just such an amazing human. We learned so much and I could not recommend more that you check her out this her and I have worked together personally and she's an amazing mentor, coach, speaker and all the things. So I can't wait for you to learn from her. Get inspired and stay tuned for Jackie.
- [01:53]
B
Foreign.
- [02:02]
C
The ups, the downs and all the in between. What it takes to become Next on Scene. Are you next? Follow us at Next on Scene.
- [02:21]
A
Welcome back to becoming Next on Scene everybody. I am so excited to be here with the amazing Jackie Roby. She is one incredible relationship mindset coach and an international speaker. Jackie, welcome to the podcast.
- [02:33]
B
Thank you Jackie. I'm excited to be here.
- [02:36]
A
So excited. And we go back years and so I've loved seeing like your you take off in this arena. So tell us a little bit of what a relationship mindset coach is. We'll deep dive more from it.
- [02:47]
B
Absolutely. So a relationship mindset coach helps you to Establish healthier relationships. Kind of simple in that way. But if you think about it, we're in relationship with every aspect of our life. We immediately think of romantic partners when we hear the word. But there's also family, there's friends, there's colleagues. I mean, at the end of the day, there's your neighbor, right? The person that you're seeing at the gas station. So most importantly, what we maybe miss when we think about it though, is the relationship we have with ourselves. So for me, when it comes to my goals, what I want to do is I want to help high achieving women of color and allies and people focused organizations. And I work to stop the spinning. Right? You want to levitate above the nonsense so you can rise to an executive level mindset and you can really trust and believe in yourself.
- [03:48]
A
I love that. And let's explain how you got to where you are right now. Like what led you to really take this venture and start this part of your career?
- [03:57]
B
So I spent my career in travel and hospitality, in sales and marketing. And what I didn't realize is that me going into sales was actually a trauma response. And let me explain, as someone who's experienced a significant amount of abuse, abuse since the young age of three, what I did was I pleased. I used the appease part of our survival reactions. And my role in my family quite literally was to be the peacemaker. And so I find myself career wise in a space where I am making everybody happy. And then on the flip side, unconditional love was not a thing. Love was conditional. So when you're in sales, there's that saying, you're only as good as your last sale. So now I'm in a career that is just feeding all of the trauma that wasn't joyful. And it wasn't until starting my own business that that started to really unravel and understand that. What I'll also say is the pandemic, the time where we were there, the world stopped, things slowed down and the travel industry came to a complete screeching halt. But it didn't stop me. I was showing up in my business every single day. And what was amazing about that time was that people were telling me my gifts, they were coming to me and telling me things about me that I didn't think were a thing. I was hearing things like wisdom giver, the lighthouse, magic. You're the magic in people's lives. I heard truth teller. And those are the things that kept showing up. And it was so wonderful to receive. And I remember really surprising because I always pictured myself in the background. I mean, honestly, not a main character, not even the best friend. Like, I was kind of the extra that maybe didn't even make it. That was where I was positioning myself and I was able to create that change instead. And that's the way that I want to help others.
- [06:47]
A
That's like, sentimental. That, like really touched my heart, by the way. I love that so much. And thank you for being vulnerable about that because it's amazing what you're doing and, and you're going to help a lot of people. I know your art. I mean, you and I have done sessions together. Love them so much. And I love also how you're incorporating human design now into it. So can you touch a little bit about how that actually is helpful to you and your life?
- [07:10]
B
Yeah, absolutely. So I love human design and it's something that I bring into my coaching when my clients are open to it. And it is a synthesis of Eastern and Western astrology, the Hindu chakra system, the Kabbalah tree of life, the Chinese I Ching and quantum physics. And it shows you who you're meant to be. But one of the things about it is also talks about how you best spend your energy, how you best make decisions. And there's a part of it that really just shows you an aspect of self acceptance. And they're designed to be that way. And being able to understand that creates a sense of ease. And I love it also for the decision making and how we each make our decisions in a unique way. So many times we are put into scenarios where we're forced kind of like peer pressure to decide right now. And we all know about buyer's remorse. Well, it can be the same with any decision you're making, but especially those big ones. And some of us can't do that. We're not designed to do that. We need to take time. We need 24 hours, we need a week, we might need a month to make a big decision. And instead of feeling that pressure of I need to decide this currently, right now, instead it's like, I need at least 24 hours. You just know that you know that about yourself and it, it soothes a bit of that pressure that you were feeling. So I love that. And it also shows that when we're in a space of whether it's negativity or self blame, it's really us being out of balance. So it's more of a temperature check what's going on, that you're feeling this way, that you're experiencing this. And that helps us to rewrite and create change.
- [09:31]
A
And also, like the way you interact with other people. Right. Like on a day to day basis. Like, I was thinking about since our session too, like, how much I know more about myself to not take things as personally from other people because we're not the same. Right. Like, it's just an interesting new way of thinking. And I loved what you said too about not feeling like a rush to make decisions and taking 24. Like, I am absolutely that person. Like, I used to act immediately and now I'm like, no. Like I need to sit with it for a day, like, because then I'm gonna. I feel like I would have made the wrong decision if I acted too fast personally.
- [10:04]
B
Exactly.
- [10:05]
A
Yeah, exactly. So thank you for. Thank you for sharing that today. So I want to talk about your speaking. You've done some awesome speaking gigs recently. So, like, what are some of your favorite things you love to talk about? I know, Analysis paralysis. So big right now. Can we elaborate more on that?
- [10:21]
B
Absolutely. So, yeah, my signature talk is say goodbye to analysis paralysis in three steps. So that is something that I love to speak up because it's something we've all experienced. There's a significant amount of overwhelm that happens, right? And you get into that space and it can happen with anything. And then all of a sudden you're. You're worried about choosing. And it could be something very, very, very simple. Yesterday I found myself in the space just yesterday, it was prime day, you know, and you're supposed to utilize the deals. And I never do that. Right. Here's that authority again. I never do that. I'm never into it. But I looked and I looked and I was creating this cycle of why am I not choosing? I can't choose. I can't choose on something that I actually knew, wanted and I've wanted for three years. What is this nonsense? Right? So I had to put myself back into the steps in order to work to overcome that. So that's something that I love to speak about and really get to the root of it and give tools to get yourself out of it. Because it can happen when you least expect it. I speak a lot about over giving, how we are over giving in relationships, potentially in your romantic relationship, or how you're over giving in business. And as entrepreneurs, as business owners, we know that that happens a lot. And it can happen, you know, maybe when we're in a space of survival, right? And if we're feeling in a space of not enough, and so then we give and we give and we give and we burn out. And we're not actually getting that reciprocal pour back. So I speak about that. That's one thing I love. And I am a diversity, equity, inclusion advocate. So there are definitely aspects where I'll speak about that in terms of identity and how to really work on healing as a community and as an individual so that we can create more cultural wellness.
- [12:49]
A
So important. Thank you for sharing that. So let's talk about your acronym that you've created, the MAGIC acronym. So how can, can you share a little bit about what each letter stands for and how we can incorporate it into our lives?
- [13:04]
B
Definitely. So MAGIC stands for mindfulness. Articulate your feelings, gain insight, integrate new beliefs, and choose the life you desire.
- [13:19]
A
Love it.
- [13:20]
B
And what I'll say is what you mentioned, Jackie, from our sessions is a great example. Right. You brought up this, gaining insight, really understanding you a little bit more and understanding others more through that. So that just even that part of it alone created change. So what I'll say is that as we go through each of these, it is a system, not a process. So that means that they come up at different points in time, but they all work together. So it's coming back to it. In order to create ease in your life, in order to soothe what I call the self doubt monster. One aspect of mindfulness that I think is really important because mindfulness is a really big word, right? It's. It means a lot of things and it's important in every context. But I work with mindfulness specifically on connecting to your senses. And we do that because it has been scientifically proven to help retrain your brain. And the way that it does that is it creates new neural pathways from, away from the fight, flight, freeze, appease aspect of your brain and more into the prefrontal cortex, where is where the wisdom lives, so that you can connect with your intuition so much easier so that you can be more creative, you can be more calm and happy.
- [15:03]
A
I love that. Thank you. I'm liking, I'm always inspired by you, so I appreciate that. Now I'm going to really think about the Jackie Roby acronym in my head. So thank you. So I want to talk about trends right now in terms of like how what you do is relatable to what's going on in the real world. And I think overachieving over giving is a constant thing that like you said, people face on a regular basis, especially as an entrepreneur when you're starting out in your business. So I actually think I would like to touch it upon it in that because I'm coming across a lot of entrepreneurs that are feeling the need to over give their services and like giving freebies. I mean, we were talking earlier about speaking gigs and how to even go about pursuing those things. Can you give some advice on an example of like a really good way to approach it if it's your first time really getting an awesome speaking opportunity? Like yes. You probably want to offer like just from experience of I'm just going to share something that I've done. Like yes, maybe picking and choosing, doing something free here and there because I do believe in giving back at some capacity, but it also is allowing you to build your worth within. So can we talk about that a little bit? I think that that's super resonating right now with a lot of people that I'm networking with, honestly.
- [16:13]
B
Yeah, absolutely. So when it comes to over giving and overachieving as an entrepreneur, we want to be thoughtful in our actions. And so this is part of where mindfulness and reconnecting comes into play. Because otherwise we are just operating and the negative noise inside of us starts to take control. And you're telling yourself mean messages. And maybe those mean messages are, I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I am not as good as the other people. The revenue I'm seeing doesn't match what I made in a corporate life, so I must be crap. These are all things that at some point in time most of us have said 100%.
- [17:18]
A
100%. We are in a safe space here.
- [17:21]
B
Yeah. So that's not serving you. And if you're constantly telling yourself that, then how are you going to approach things in an empowered way? We can make strategic business decisions like you talked about, speaking for free and you know, giving more in a client situation than maybe you would in another. Yeah, absolutely. We want to do that right. And we want to do that strategically and we want to do that in a way that we can walk away feeling really good about it too. So as you're creating these opportunities for yourself, as you're building your strategy, I want to suggest checking in with yourself. And let's say it's something very simple to get back into your body. Now I keep saying get back into your body. And I remember when I first heard that, the first even few years of somebody saying that to me, I'm like, I don't know what they're saying. Where do you feel it in your body? Jackie, I have no idea what you're talking about, but so let me help with that, okay, think about our senses. I want to give you just an example of how to do it. And if you'll do it with me, if you'll entertain 100%.
- [19:00]
A
Yeah, perfect.
- [19:02]
B
And take the fingers of one hand, the fingertips of one hand, and just trace them down the fingers and palm of the other hand and you just notice those sensations and just that simple act of just noticing. When you do that, your mind isn't racing, it starts to slow down a bit. You get to reconnect. It might seem like, wow, that's really simple. But what it's doing for you is it's giving you a necessary pause and it is building new mental muscle to go towards calm. So when you're having a moment and you're doing that strategy, you imagine you do that, just that tiny exercise, I don't know, every 30 minutes, every hour. Right. You can look at these things more clearly. You can make a decision from a space of calm. And that's really the big thing, is we're going to be less likely to make decisions that eventually don't feel good for us. Right? We're less likely to over give or overachieve if we're coming from a space of more calm and more wisdom. So there's a difference between giving and over giving. We can be kind, we can be wonderful, we can be caring, we can give. Those are gifts. But it becomes over giving when it hurts you, when it's no longer putting you into the story, into the equation. You can think about that. I want to give a home example, home life. You are having a relaxing evening where everybody is eating dinner on the couch and you get up and you put your plate into the dishwasher, you rinse it, you put it away, you come back and sit down. Maybe everyone's watching a movie or watching a show and the other plates are still there and you're looking at them and you're wondering, should I take them and rinse them and put them in the dishwasher? Is anyone else going to do it? Are they expecting me to do it? I don't want to miss the show. Should I ask them to pause it? Oh, God, am I going to be a pain if they pause it? Right? And then you go, I'm just going to take it and I'm not going to ask them because I just want to do it. Whatever it is. All of that internal yuck that happens, that's when it's hurting you, that's not serving you right.
- [21:46]
A
That was very relatable, by the way.
- [21:53]
B
When we think about overachieving, it's great to be an achiever. It is. You know, unfortunately, the United States has built a country based on the concept of overachieving. Right. You know, hard work will do the job. That's not actually true, but we forget ourselves in the process. Go be an achiever. Yeah. You want to be the best, be the best. But when you get to the best, are you going to feel like the best? This is the question. Or are you going to get there and you're going to say, that's not enough. It needs to be something else. So then you can't even celebrate your success. There's the difference. Yes, achieve, but enjoy it. Enjoy the achievement. When you're overachieving, you're lacking. You're missing that aspect of the joy of actually getting to where you want to go instead of continually moving the finish line.
- [22:56]
A
Two things I want to say with that. The first thing is I heard a saying the other day, and it totally resonated with me. Whenever you lead with your heart, you always make the right decision, right? So, like, I feel like. I love that saying. Like, it totally resonates with me. Like now when I network with people, I always try to. I mean, I feel like I always have done it, but now I really think about it, you know, and I feel like that kind of follows up with what you said. And I saw Will Smith in an interview recently, and he was talking about how he's made so much money in his life and he's bond all the materialistic things and it doesn't fill his void. Right. So, like, I love sharing that as an example because it's like, now I still get the repercussions of all my hard work and I give it back to charity. He's like, that's what fills me up. And I feel fulfilled. And I love that. Like, it shows that, like, you could have anything you want, but is it filling the void? Which is what you and I have really been talking about even before we started recording today. Right. Like, so resonates. And I think it's so important to do the internal work and work with people like you to figure out what this is, to feel fulfilled.
- [23:59]
B
Yeah. I mean, and if you think about even the reality of money, right, let's say, you know, you've been working with Jackie Zook and your business is killing it. Right? The revenue is just pouring in. You are an xset seed. You're amazing and you're not feeling it. So guess what you're doing. You're spending it, or you're so terrified to spend it, Right. You become imbalanced in it. Nothing feels enough. So that's the thing is it's really just feeling the goodness that life has for you.
- [24:37]
A
I love the example of the feeling the hand, because it really did feel like my world, like, paused for a moment. Like you're really not thinking about anything because you're just feeling.
- [24:48]
B
Exactly.
- [24:49]
A
I love that. Like, I think about that now. So thank you.
- [24:53]
B
And what I'll tell you is for, you know, for business owners who are potentially in that situation in the moment, right. Whether you're on Zoom or you're in person and you're starting to wonder, what am I going to do in this very second as I have somebody in front of me and I'm not sure. Sure. And I don't want to miss an opportunity or whatever that is. Right. And you could just kind of feel the discomfort. It might. If you're. If you're on camera, you can go under and you can do that exact activity that I showed you. You can also just take three deep breaths in through your nose, out through your nose. Right. If you, if you like tactile, you can either do two fingertips together, Right. And if you have it by your side, nobody will notice, but you can do that on your. On your sleeve, on pieces of clothing, on something in front of you, maybe between you, you can have your hands on. I have it on a table. On the counter. On a table. Right. To just kind of get a tactile feeling. And that will help center you and bring you into the situation to help calm and create a better decision in the moment.
- [26:08]
A
So, Jackie, another thing that I see a lot is people are super afraid of showing up on video. Very common in my industry. And I push it so hard because in the media world, if they see you how you are on video, they'll see how you are on camera. Right. That's kind of like big picture thinking. So can you share some advice around getting. Taking that first step in terms of putting the mental space, the mindfulness into taking that first step for themselves?
- [26:34]
B
Yeah, absolutely. So one thing I want to say is you're so right about the importance of being on camera, because it's also a chance to get to know you. Right. You're building a relationship, and so it's like you're having a conversation and doing what you do and what you love. So that's just a quick reframe is being able to share all of your goodness with someone. But as you're preparing to do this, I would take two minutes, right? Put an alarm on your phone or a timer. It doesn't alarm, just, it's alarming, right? It makes you kind of jump. Make sure that the sound is relaxing. Okay. I have one that sounds like a, like, like a dream sequence. Remember Wayne's World? It sounds like that. And so that way when it goes off, it's not going to startle you. And if you're in a private space, likely you will be for recording a video. Close your eyes and just breathe. Like I mentioned, deep breath in. So you deep breath in. Deep, deep, deep. All the way down to your pelvic floor. Breathe out. And you keep doing that and just do that for two minutes. Do not beat yourself up. If your mind wanders, they're going to do that. But just bring yourself back to your breath. Just continue to do that. I would also consider doing some gratitude. That is never a bad thing. And again, let's use your timer again, right? Give yourself five minutes. Close your eyes, tell yourself all the things you're grateful for. And don't overthink it. It can be the fact that you have an expert like Jackie telling you to do something like this, that you have support, that you've called in support for your business, that you are a business owner, that you're living your dream, that you are sitting on a chair that's comfortable, that the weather is nice, that you love the shirt that you're in. It does not matter. You just keep being grateful. I'm grateful for this and grateful for this and grateful for this. And it changes your mindset and your attitude and it helps to build you. And then last one I would say is around self love and worthiness. Now, I was fortunate enough to be in the next unseen magazine last winter, fall and winter and talked about, we talked about self love and ways to increase that. And one of the things that I work with my clients on is writing out what you love about yourself. And it's so important to do that and to use the verbiage, I love my hair, I don't know whatever it is, right? But to, to maybe list five of those and then also remember your worth. I'm worthy of more and more business. I'm worthy of my dream clients. I'm worthy of living the life I desire. Boost you, calm you, right? And all of those go together.
- [30:02]
A
Thank you. That was so good. I'm like, we're gonna put this on my pod. We're gonna put this on my social media. This was a great. Thank you. You are the best.
- [30:10]
B
Thank you.
- [30:11]
A
So how can people follow you? Get in touch, inquire, share all the things.
- [30:15]
B
Sure. So my website is Inspired Journey consulting dot com. You will find me there and also obviously on Instagram at Inspired Journey Consulting. And sign up for a magic moment session. So that's something that I would recommend. It is my gift to you. And in that time, what we'll do is we'll discover your unique negative noise and you'll learn some ways to quiet it.
- [30:41]
A
Do it. Everyone listening. You need to do it. Highly recommend. You are amazing. Thank you so much for making the time today. And everybody follow Jackie. Get in touch with her. She rocks.
- [30:52]
B
Thank you.
- [30:53]
A
Of course. And thank you so much, everyone for tuning in to be coming next on scene. And stay tuned for who's next on.
- [31:07]
C
The ups, the downs and all the in between. What it takes to become next on scene. Are you next? Follow us at Next on Scene.