Before We Go – “BJ Miller Sees The World Differently”

Podcast Nation | Host: Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider | Guest: Dr. BJ Miller | November 6, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features Dr. BJ Miller—a palliative care and hospice physician, educator, and triple amputee—sharing his story and how his experiences with disability and mortality have fundamentally shaped his worldview, medical practice, and philosophy of life. Host Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider guides a candid conversation that explores identity, suffering, resilience, and the myths we create about “normalcy.” It's an intimate look at living alongside mortality and what it means to find meaning and connection in the face of profound change.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Accident and Immediate Aftermath

• BJ recounts the night in 1990 as a Princeton sophomore—an innocuous evening that turned traumatic when he was electrocuted climbing atop a parked commuter train.
  • “I had a metal watch on my left wrist and the electricity arced to the watch and that was that—big explosion.” (BJ, 01:33)
• He describes his friends’ immediate 911 response, the hospital’s life-saving measures, and being airlifted to a burn unit.
• Surgeries and isolation: “My first surgery wasn’t until day five or six… I was terrified, I was in pain, I was confused, I was many things. But also, a piece of me sort of knew what was happening.” (BJ, 16:44)
• “When I saw my mom [after the surgery], I just remember saying to her, ‘Oh, wow, mom, now we have so much more in common.’ And I meant it.” (BJ, 18:13)

2. Living with Disability & Society’s Response

• BJ calls disability "an interesting minority group"—one anyone might join at any moment.
  • “A person at some brainstem level knows that this could happen to them... And that’s terrifying. So then you become the symbol of their fear.” (BJ, 06:45)
• He reflects on early experiences of exclusion: people crossing the street to avoid him, parents pulling kids away, and feeling like an object of fear or pity.
• Over time, societal responses have improved, and BJ notes shifts in visibility and acceptance around disability.

3. Influence of Childhood and Family

• BJ’s mother had polio and used crutches—her resilience and experience with disability were formative for BJ’s understanding of difference and value.
  • “Growing up with a disabled mom sensitized me in all sorts of ways.” (BJ, 14:03)

4. Identity, Suffering, and Acceptance

• BJ discusses how his physical differences shaped his sense of self:
  • “I now looked more like I felt...I now finally had some obvious struggle. I could feel my own pathos now, at least outwardly.” (BJ, 22:45)
  • He describes early attempts to "pass" as not disabled, but that not having a choice forced him to “own this eventually, one way and another. That’s something I’m extremely grateful for.” (BJ, 28:00)

5. Medical Career and Palliative Care

• Initially an art history major, BJ was motivated to go into medicine by a desire to be present for others’ suffering and existential crises.
  • “I was only really genuinely interested in the existential and spiritual and social issues...Dying, suffering, these are not purely medical pursuits by any stretch.” (BJ, 12:54)
• He chose palliative care due to a “broad interest in being alive...I wanted to find a way to work with [my disability], not, you know, put it behind you.” (BJ, 28:13)
  • The work allows him to draw from deep wells of empathy and personal experience.
  • “If you think of medicine, the practice of caregiving having something to do with empathy, my empathy machinery was really ramped up.” (BJ, 28:13)
• BJ’s journey included founding Metal Health, an online palliative care company focused on social (not just medical) support.

6. Disability and Social Constructs

• BJ challenges the concept of “normalcy” and disability: “What is the standard against which we’re comparing? I’m disabled only insofar as I’m not the normal body. What the hell is the normal body anyway?” (BJ, 33:01)
• He uses humor to challenge assumptions: “Yeah, two hands was a lot easier...but don’t you miss having three hands?” (BJ, 34:42)

7. Projection, Assumptions, and Learning from Difference

• On handling others’ projections and assumptions: “It used to be more upsetting. Now it’s just playful. I’m a little more savvy at spotting it now...the projections from others are not our responsibility. That lesson continues to be a tough one, but I’m a little closer to remembering it because of all these things.” (BJ, 36:05)
• Draws universal lessons: “Mortality, suffering, differences—are we good enough, are we normal, are we abnormal?—these, I would think, are universal.” (BJ, 37:52)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On trauma and perspective:
  • “It feels like talking about a movie I saw that I happened to be in because I don’t really remember so much of that evening...So it’s no longer a story purely of trauma. It’s many other things.” (BJ, 04:32)
• On calmness in the face of mortality:
  • “There was this subterranean deep thread that was calm, that knew something about how this was going to go for me...it just was a calm relationship to the truth.” (BJ, 18:28, 20:50)
• On being a better physician:
  • “Of course [I’m a better physician]. Especially in our field of palliative care...If I were a surgeon or something…probably not. But in palliative care, undeniably.” (BJ, 32:22)

Important Timestamps

• 00:33 — The accident and first memories
• 02:26 — Friends’ response and night at the hospital
• 04:32 — Storytelling and emotional processing
• 05:44 — Societal attitudes toward disability
• 10:30 — BJ’s introduction and how he sees his career
• 13:42 — Existential focus of BJ’s medical work
• 14:03 — BJ’s mother’s disability and family lessons
• 16:44 — Learning about the amputation and recovery
• 18:28–20:50 — Awareness of mortality and the “calm voice”
• 21:06 — Self-image and finding relief in visible difference
• 26:48 — Transition from hiding to owning his disabled identity
• 28:13 — Discovering medicine and palliative care
• 32:22 — How disability enhances empathy in his practice
• 33:01 — Disability as a social construct
• 36:05 — Navigating others’ assumptions, projections
• 37:39–38:29 — Lessons from disability are universal

Style & Tone

The episode balances deep introspection and candor with warmth and humor, reflecting BJ’s openness and Dr. Ungerleider’s empathy. The conversation is peppered with self-effacing anecdotes, philosophical reflections, and practical wisdom—making complex ideas about mortality, difference, and acceptance accessible and relatable.

Takeaway

“BJ Miller Sees The World Differently” is a moving meditation on what it means to live in a body that diverges from the expected—and how that can be a source of wisdom, connection, and growth rather than loss. Dr. Miller's story is told not as a story of overcoming, but as one of transformation, reframing trauma into an invitation to question our culture’s assumptions, find comfort in discomfort, and cultivate empathy in the face of suffering—universal lessons for every listener.