Before We Go – “Ricki Lake Lives for Love”

Podcast: Before We Go
Host: Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider
Guest: Ricki Lake
Release Date: October 30, 2025

Episode Overview

In this poignant and candid episode, Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider sits down with famed actress and talk-show host Ricki Lake to explore the intersections of love, loss, and moving forward after profound grief. Ricki shares deeply personal stories about her late husband, Christian Evans, his struggles with mental illness, and his death by suicide. The conversation delves into her journey through grief, the role of psychics and mediumship in her healing, and how she found love again with her current husband, Ross Birmingham. The episode expands into a sociological discussion about belief, grief, and the search for meaning, featuring expert insight from Dr. Josh Bullock, a researcher studying the cultural phenomenon of “pub psychic nights” in the UK.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introducing Ricki Lake and the Focus on Love and Loss

• Who is Ricki Lake?
  • Known since age 19 for starring as Tracy Turnblad in Hairspray (00:38).
  • Hosted The Ricki Lake Show from 1993–2004.
• Episode Theme:
  • Exploring Ricki’s experiences of profound love, devastating loss through her husband’s suicide, and discovering love anew.

The Meeting & Relationship With Christian Evans

• How Ricki Met Christian (01:48–02:58)
  • Met at 42 during a period of personal upheaval, after moving to Malibu.
  • After her beach house accidentally burned down, she hosted a spontaneous birthday party where she and Christian became romantically involved.
  • Quote: “If you stick it in, you're gonna be my man.” —Ricki Lake (02:49)
• Divine Intervention and Immediate Connection (03:05)
  • Ricki sees their meeting as “divine intervention.”
  • Christian was “special in every sense of the word”—creative, loving, and haunted by struggles with bipolar disorder and chronic pain.

Living With, and Loving, Someone With Bipolar Disorder

• Early Honesty About Mental Health (03:51)
  • Christian informed Ricki he was bipolar early in their relationship.
  • Quote: “He told me, in the very beginning...I have been diagnosed as bipolar. And my reaction was like, oh, yeah, we all have our stuff...I didn’t understand the complexity and the struggles he had been through.” —Ricki Lake (03:53)
• The First Suicide Attempt & Their Bond (04:37–05:10)
  • Christian had been planning to die by suicide the night they got together but changed his mind due to their connection.
  • Ricki describes herself as having saved his life more than once.

Navigating Mental Illness and the Path to Loss

• Lack of Understanding and Worsening Symptoms (09:30–10:33)
  • Ricki didn’t initially grasp the seriousness of Christian’s mental health issues; he kept aspects of his past hidden out of hope for a new beginning.
  • Retrospectively, Ricki stresses the importance of routines and the danger of environments (like Ibiza’s nightlife) for people with mental health vulnerabilities.
• Psychotic Episodes and Crisis (10:33–12:28)
  • Christian’s mania became extremely pronounced—grandiose thoughts, erratic behaviors, and total disconnection from reality.
  • Quote: “He thought he could time travel. He left the Range Rover...because he could time travel and cure cancer with his hands. And there was no rationalizing.” —Ricki Lake (10:53)
• Separation for Survival (12:39)
  • Ricki had to separate from Christian for self-protection as his episodes escalated in danger, including financial risk.
  • Christian’s cycles of mania and depression—manic phases followed by catastrophic crashes leading to suicidality.

The Aftermath of Loss & The Work of Grieving

• Ricki’s Experience of Christian’s Death (16:12–18:14)
  • Christian said goodbye days before his suicide, giving Ricki what she later realized were parting gifts—a playlist titled “My Eternal Soulmate,” a night of intimacy, and a poignant last text.
  • Quote: “I didn’t know it was his goodbye. ... He wrote me a beautiful final text that I didn’t at the time understand that that was goodbye.” —Ricki Lake (16:49)
• Finding Solace and Searching for Meaning (18:14–20:00)
  • Sought out Christian’s wedding ring and possessions in pawn shops as part of her healing.
  • Grief was multidimensional: “There was relief because it was so traumatizing worrying about him. And I didn’t have guilt. Like, I didn’t have guilt when he died. I knew I did everything I could and then some. ... I honor him like every day by living my life to the fullest, you know, And I...I am a way better me. Because of him and because of our love.” —Ricki Lake (18:56)

Finding Love Again — Ross Birmingham

• Meeting & Marrying Ross (20:02–22:06)
  • Met during the isolation of COVID-19, after candidly declaring to a friend exactly what she wanted in a partner.
  • Initial dates were uninspiring, but a sudden shift (“It’s you. It’s always been you.”) changed everything (21:42).
• Blending the Present With the Past
  • Ricki is open with Ross about Christian, playing him a mediumship session where Christian was (reportedly) channeled through a psychic.
  • Quote: “He [Ross] welcomes me talking about him, and he’s not, like, threatened by it...Their love for me is very similar...I talk about Christian all the time. I will till the day I die.” —Ricki Lake (22:26)

The Role of Mediums, Skepticism, and Community in Grieving

Sociologist Dr. Josh Bullock on “Pub Psychic Nights” (24:23–34:46)

• Pub Psychic Nights in the UK (24:40–25:45)
  • Social gatherings where psychic mediums offer readings to the bereaved.
  • Increasingly popular as traditional religion declines.
• Study Findings: Why Do People Attend? (29:21–31:04)
  • 56% said psychic nights eased grief, and most didn’t need to fully “believe” for these experiences to help.
  • Quote: "Not everybody was completely firmly kind of believers...There was a real flickering in between the two where people wanted to believe, or at least in that moment...wanted to believe in these things." —Dr. Josh Bullock (29:48)
• Atmosphere: Not just entertainment, but communal vulnerability and solace (32:09–32:51)
  • Grieving strangers coming together—often leading to shared tears and comfort.
• Risks and Cautions (32:51–33:31)
  • Potential for manipulation and issues of safeguarding vulnerable people, e.g., alarming or inappropriate readings.
• Dr. Bullock’s Evolving View (33:40–34:46)
  • Remains skeptical, but sees parallels between mediumship and religious comfort, acknowledging the profound impact on the grieving.

Mediumship in Popular Culture & Ricki’s Continued Experiences

• Ricki on Netflix’s “Live from the Other Side with Tyler Henry” (34:59–36:53)
  • Tyler, a celebrity medium, provided messages that resonated strongly with Ricki—even touching on Christian’s “different eyes” during manic episodes and the house fire central to their love story.
  • Quote: “He’s showing his eyes very clearly...I can see this in you, even if you’re not saying it. And I want to fix this, but I can’t.” —Tyler Henry (36:24)
  • “The house I had with Christian burned down. So much of his stuff that I’d had is gone...It’s just something we didn’t anticipate. Life is very strange these days. But I’m grateful for all of it. All of it.” —Ricki Lake (37:08)

Reflections, Spiritual Beliefs, and Making Peace

• On the Afterlife and Blended Love (38:14–39:15)
  • Ricki believes she will be reunited with Christian, and imagines both her husbands together in the afterlife without jealousy—“only love.”
  • Quote: “There is something beyond. I think there’s enough of me to go around...we’re all going to live in harmony in some way. ... There is no jealousy. It’s only love.” —Ricki Lake (38:32)

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I feel like I am a profoundly better human being, having had him, loved him, and losing him.” —Ricki Lake (01:37)
• “I saved his life. I actually saved his life. Then I saved it one more time, and then the third time, I couldn’t save him.” —Ricki Lake (04:00)
• “He thought he could time travel...and there was no rationalizing. There was no bringing him back.” —Ricki Lake (10:38)
• “I had to divorce him because he was a liability...He was blowing through my money, so I had to protect myself financially.” —Ricki Lake (12:39)
• “I felt like I have all the resources, like, I can fix him, I can save him. ... I felt very hopeful that I could get him better but things were different. ... I was sleeping with one eye open.” —Ricki Lake (14:24)
• “He came to say goodbye to me...We had this amazing, really, last night together. I didn’t know it was his goodbye.” —Ricki Lake (16:12)
• “I didn’t have guilt when he died. I knew I did everything I could and then some.” —Ricki Lake (18:56)
• On meeting Ross: “I want someone who has their shit together, please. I want someone who doesn’t want a fucking kid because I have kids I don’t want anymore. ... And I want someone who wants to have fun. Like my life these days is all about fun.” —Ricki Lake (20:13)
• “He [Ross] welcomes me talking about him, and he’s not, like, threatened by it. ... The way Ross loves me, Christian loved me just as much. ... I talk about Christian all the time. I will till the day I die.” —Ricki Lake (22:26)
• On mediumship: “I don’t see necessarily speaking to a psychic or medium that dissimilar from praying or getting religious guidance. ... I don’t need to believe in it to see the profound impact it’s having on people's lives.” —Dr. Josh Bullock (34:46)
• “I choose to believe that there is something more than what we are living in now. ... I believe the three of us are going to be together, that Ross and Christian are going to meet in the afterlife, and that we're all going to live in harmony in some way. ... It’s only love.” —Ricki Lake (38:32)

Major Timestamps

• 00:31–03:48: Ricki meets Christian; their intense early connection
• 03:51–05:21: Christian’s mental health disclosure and Ricki’s reaction
• 09:30–14:24: Christian’s struggles deepen; Ricki’s efforts and heartbreak
• 14:59–18:41: The cycles of crisis and eventual goodbye
• 20:02–22:06: Meeting Ross and building a new partnership
• 24:23–34:46: Dr. Josh Bullock on the phenomenon of psychic nights and the role of belief in grief
• 34:59–39:15: Mediumship in TV, unresolved loss, and Ricki’s outlook on love beyond death

Tone & Takeaways

Both Ricki and Shoshana approach mortality, love, and healing with warmth and directness. Ricki’s storytelling is candid, humorous, and vulnerable—never shying from the darkness but also insisting on the presence of joy and connection, both past and present. The episode is a compassionate exploration of how love endures, how grief can transform, and how human beings seek meaning beyond what can be rationally explained.

For Listeners

This episode will resonate with anyone who has loved, lost, grieved, or hoped for healing—whether or not they believe in “the other side.” It offers a rare combination of heartfelt narrative, psychological insight, and sociocultural curiosity about how we collectively confront the existential mysteries of death and love.

Listen if you’re seeking:

• A real, nuanced portrayal of loving someone with a mental illness
• Insights into grieving a suicide loss
• Candid discussion of coping, including therapy, spirituality, and openness to the unexplainable
• Hopeful stories about starting over and the many forms of enduring love