Part Two: Space Magic from Venus: A Literary Odyssey

Summary

Behind the Bastards - Part Two: Space Magic from Venus: A Literary Odyssey

Hosts: Molly and Robert
Produced by: Cool Zone Media and iHeartPodcasts
Release Date: February 6, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this enthralling second installment of "Behind the Bastards," hosts Molly and Robert plunge into the eccentric world of Michael X. Barton’s enigmatic work, Space Magic from Venus: A Literary Odyssey. This episode unpacks Barton's unconventional theories intertwining extraterrestrial wisdom with human health practices, presenting a satirical yet insightful critique of his Venusian health methodologies.

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Unveiling Venusian Health Magic

1. Telepathic Communication with Venusians

Michael X. Barton introduces a captivating premise where humans can communicate with Venusians through telepathic means. According to Barton, this involves:

• Crystals and Visualization: Placing crystals over the pituitary and pineal glands while visualizing a beam of white light directed toward Venus ([12:07]).

  Robert: “He places psychic gyms telolith and lapis lingua directly over his pituitary and pineal glands. And he exerts mild pressure with his hands. He then visualizes a beam of white light shining from the center of his forehead towards Venus.” ([12:10])

The hosts humorously question the practicality of using multiple crystals for such communication, highlighting the absurdity of the method.

2. Lifetronic Healing Program

Barton’s lifetronic healing emphasizes a strict raw fruit diet aimed at revitalizing the body's lifetronic energy. The program includes:

• Dietary Transformation: Consuming excessive amounts of raw fruit to cleanse the body’s lifetronic energy pathways, purportedly reversing illness ([26:01]).

  Molly: “I do love. I do love the undercurrent of like, well, he can't get better until he actually wants to because he's sick, because he doesn't want it bad enough.” ([25:22])

The hosts mock the notion that such an extreme diet could be a panacea, drawing parallels to modern-day health fads.

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Critique of Conventional Health Practices

1. Dismissal of Modern Medicine

Barton’s teachings dismiss conventional medicine, advocating instead for mystical and unproven methods:

Robert: “They’re only fooling themselves. And those homeiest souls who turn to them in misguided trust and confidence.” ([26:01])

Molly and Robert critique this stance, emphasizing the importance of evidence-based medicine over fantastical claims.

2. The Role of Lifetrons

Lifetrons are described as fundamental units of life energy that can be harnessed through specific practices:

Molly: “You have to replace the thetans with the lifetrons.” ([26:22])

The hosts delve into the convoluted terminology, underscoring the lack of scientific grounding in Barton’s theories.

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Venusian Cosmology and Reincarnation

1. Human-Venusian Connection

Barton posits a cosmology where humans and Venusians are interconnected through reincarnation and spiritual evolution:

Robert: “Venusians who have humans who have ascended to Venus makes some of the nice Venusians feel very empathetic towards Earth. So they choose to die and be reincarnated on Earth to help us.” ([17:45])

Molly and Robert playfully question the logic behind this mythology, highlighting its fantastical nature.

2. Jesus as a Reincarnated Venusian

A particularly intriguing claim ties biblical narratives to Venusian lore:

Robert: “That’s how I'm selling this. Jesus chose to leave Venus and incarnate on Earth.” ([18:42])

The hosts mock the conflation of religious figures with extraterrestrial beings, emphasizing the absurdity of merging spiritual and sci-fi elements.

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Satirical Parallels to Modern Health Trends

1. Extreme Diets and Wellness Fads

The episode draws satirical comparisons between Barton’s raw fruit regimen and contemporary extreme diets, highlighting potential health risks with humor:

Robert: “But most people consume dead air. Weak sunlight, dead food and dead water.” ([29:05])

Molly and Robert critique the impracticality and potential dangers of such diets, advocating for balanced nutrition over extreme measures.

2. Mocking Pseudo-Scientific Claims

The hosts continuously mock Barton's pseudo-scientific claims, using sarcasm to underline the lack of credibility:

Robert: “He absolutely does. So he's happy that Jim is open minded to his suggestions...” ([10:50])

They employ humor to dissect and ridicule the fantastical elements of Barton’s teachings.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Robert (12:07): “He places psychic gyms telolith and lapis lingua directly over his pituitary and pineal glands. And he exerts mild pressure with his hands…”

• Molly (25:22): “I do love. I do love the undercurrent of like, well, he can't get better until he actually wants to because he's sick…”

• Robert (17:45): “Venusians who have humans who have ascended to Venus makes some of the nice Venusians feel very empathetic towards Earth…”

• Molly (10:22): “Is it possible that these guys just weren't getting enough fiber before. And that's why they feel better right away?”

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Conclusion and Takeaways

Molly and Robert wrap up the episode by reflecting on the implausibility of Michael X. Barton’s Venusian health doctrines. They emphasize the importance of critical thinking and scientific validation in health practices, using humor and satire to underscore the absurdity of Barton's claims. The hosts leave listeners both entertained and enlightened, encouraging skepticism towards unverified health fads and mystical cures.

Final Remarks:

"Behind the Bastards" masterfully blends humor with critical analysis, providing a witty exploration of Michael X. Barton's Space Magic from Venus. Molly and Robert's engaging discourse not only entertains but also educates listeners on the importance of discerning credible health information from fantastical claims.

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Stay Tuned:

For more captivating episodes that delve into the lives and legacies of history's most notorious figures, subscribe to "Behind the Bastards" on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

Transcript

[Molly]

Call Zone Media.

[Robert]

We're back. And I'm thinking about the time Jon Lovitz beat up Andy Dick.

[Molly]

I was also thinking about that earlier today.

[Robert]

Why? Yeah. Cause it's one of, like. It's just a good moment of American history, Molly. It's a time I'm. It's like the landings at Normandy. Right. It's one of those moments that just makes me. And I'm proud to be an American.

[Molly]

He had it coming. He had it coming, Coming. Andy Dick.

[Robert]

He had it coming. I think it happened multiple times.

[Molly]

Oh, my gosh. That was before Indy Dick got caught hanging out with those neo Nazis.

[Robert]

No, but that was after Andy Dick played a role in the death of one of the greatest voice actors of any generation.

[Molly]

He did kill Phil Hartman.

[Robert]

He did kind of help kill Phil Hartman. Yes. And this is relevant. It's not relevant, but it's come up because I just saw a clip of that Hasan, the guy with the very popular leftist streamer guy interviewing one of the pod Save bros. Yeah.

[Molly]

Different genre. John Lovett.

[Robert]

Jon Lovett, who I had. I had all this time in my head been assuming Jon Lovitz was on Pod Save America and been like, that doesn't make any sense at all. Isn't he, like, conservative? I don't know much about John Lovitz other than that he beat up Andy Dick, but absolutely not. It's some fucking.

[Molly]

Not the same guy.

[Robert]

Very unimpressive looking dude.

[Molly]

I don't know 100%.

[Robert]

Me too. Yes. I wish Jon Lovitz was on that podcast now. I don't know any of his opinions. I assume most of them outside of his Andy Dick op, but I just can't hear Jon Lovitz's voice and not think of the critic. And that makes me happy.

[Molly]

I mean, what better way to find out all of someone's awful opinions than putting them on a podcast?

[Robert]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Podcast.

[Molly]

On the last episode of this podcast, I promised the show listeners the horseshoe.

[Robert]

Sophie's weird knife. Yeah.

[Molly]

Oh, yeah. Show us your cool knife.

[Robert]

This is my cool knife. Robert got it for me for my birthday a few years back. Yeah. In the hope that you would find out how to use it. How do you use that thing you can use it for? I use it for. Primarily for like a cheese board or you can.

[Molly]

Or for herb slicing. It's a rocking motion.

[Robert]

Yeah, it's got.

[Molly]

I didn't get any props. Should I have brought a prop to the part two. But isn't it stunning?

[Robert]

You should always. You should always bring a prop by the way, my prop, this sword right here that I brought up in the last episode.

[Molly]

It's nice.

[Robert]

It's nice. It's actually a direct a bladesmith that I know whose name I'll give you in a minute. Read a new fantasy series. One of the books in it is called the Daughter's War. It's very good. You should check it out. I read them both as well. And so when I saw he'd made a sword based on those books and it was very reasonably priced, I was like, oh, shit, I gotta get it. If you look to R. Blademaker, Randall Blademaker on Twitter, you can find his shit. He's very good. And again opens a YouTube package like a son of a bitch. I also pruned a fig tree with this bad boy the other day. Pretty good time, multi purpose. Your fig tree is a scary fig tree. It's massive. Yeah.

[Molly]

Giant.

[Robert]

Yeah. So I guess we gotta get back to it, huh? Apparently he was a boy scout leader, a husband, a father. But he was leading a double life. He was a monster hiding in plain sight. Journey inside the mind of one of history's most notorious killers. Btk through the voices of the people who know him best. Listen to Monster BTK on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Molly]

Welcome to the Criminalia podcast. I'm Maria Tremarke.

[Robert]

And I'm Holly Fry. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.

[Molly]

Each season we explore a new theme. From poisoners to art thieves.

[Robert]

We uncover the secrets of history's most interesting figures, from legal injustices to body snatching.

[Molly]

And tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in cocktails and mocktails inspired by each story.

[Robert]

Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It was big news. I mean, white girl gets murdered, found in a cemetery. Big, big news.

[Molly]

A long investigation st until someone changes their story. I, like, saw a whole thing that happened. An arrest, trial and conviction soon follow. He did not kill her. There's no way is the real killer rightly behind bars or still walking free. Did you kill her? Listen to the real Killer, Season 3 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, listeners, I'm Lauren Brie Pacheco, host of the Murder on Songbird Road podcast. And I'm excited to share this riveting story with you. I'm also excited to tell you that you can now get access to all episodes of Murder on Songbird Road 100% ad free and one week early through the I Heart True Crime plus subscription, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts plus you'll get access to other chart topping true crime shows you love like Betrayal, the Girlfriends, Paper Ghosts, Murder Homes, Unrestorable, the Godmother and more. So don't wait. Head to Apple Podcasts, search for I Heart True Crime plus and subscribe today. During our I guess we were gone for several days and or 10 minutes, I did discover that someone has made a LinkedIn page for Valiant Thor. I don't think he is still alive, but he does have a LinkedIn page that shows he still works at the Space Missile Defense Command.

[Robert]

Oh, that's good. That's good. Okay, what is he doing at this, like, what's the job title?

[Molly]

Advisor to the Joint Sheets of Staff.

[Robert]

Uh huh. Yep.

[Molly]

Yeah. The Space Missile Defense Command is part of the army, so he advises the Joint Chiefs of Staff in the capacity.

[Robert]

Valiant Thor sitting in. So Donald Trump is presumably having meetings with Valiant Thor at this point in time.

[Molly]

He's at the table. He's at the table.

[Robert]

He's at the table. That's comforting, actually, you know, because he seems like he's got our best interests at heart. Speaking of which, shall we get back into our book, Venusian Health Magic and Venusian Secret Science by Michael X. Barton? Just a beautiful tome.

[Molly]

I love the rainbow.

[Robert]

Gorgeous. It smells slightly of incense. I assume that's because wherever they print these books, a lot of people are burning a lot of incense. All right, so we're ready to get back into our friend Michael X. Barton and his story. His experiences with Lanzara and Shalana, who have transcended their earthly bodies, but not the patriarchy, as we noted in the last episode. Molly, I'm ready to get healed. Hmm.

[Molly]

I'm ready to get healed.

[Robert]

You're ready to get healed. Well, this is gonna tell you how.

[Molly]

Reveal it to me.

[Robert]

Yeah, and the spoiler is it's just fruit. It's a shitload of fruit. Molly Lansara. And so he's talking to, he reaches out after like having a hanging out with his buddy, you know, they go to bed. His friend is sick. You know, he's been just getting worse and worse over the last couple of years. And Michael convenes with Lanzara to ask him, how do I help my buddy Jim get better. And Lanzar, when he last communicated with me telepathically, had taught me many astounding facts regarding the wonderful Health and amazing longevity of the people of Venus. To a true student of the occult or hidden side of life, none of the Venusian secret science is the least bit impractical or even fantastic. You and I know that all the higher teachings of life are far more practical and true than the mere human mind can realize at first. In time, as the personal vibrations become raised into higher and still higher octaves of being, all limitations vanish and man's spirit controls matter. Those of you who have studied Venusian secret science in which I related my series of contacts with Lanzara, know that he gave me special suggestions to observe in regard to the New Age diet as well as other matters. By applying these suggestions and sticking to them until they become positive habits in my daily life, I discovered to my great joy that my health improved immensely. But that is not the only practical benefit. My mental and spiritual faculties became much more keener and active than ever before. So he's doing well. And he wakes up his friend Jim Lindy the next day and he's like, look, I gotta tell you about some of this Venusian magic. I know, I'm very excited. And Jim says, you talk as if you really know much more about the space people than you're letting on. He does, he does. He absolutely does. So he's happy that Jim is open minded to. To his suggestions and he takes him to his apartment. Yeah, we arrived at my apartment dwelling within 30 minutes from the time we left the airport. It is a large apartment, not new, but well constructed and designed for human comfort and convenience. The rooms are large and cheerfully decorated. My housekeeper Lenore occupies another apartment in the same vicinity. She is a gentle and gracious soul, deeply interested in the advanced teachings of the Venusians. By putting their teachings into practice in her own life, Lenore succeeded in outwitting to a great the effects of Father Time. She's.

[Molly]

How is this Zillow ad helping me understand my Lifetrons?

[Robert]

Unclear. She is very youthful looking. In her estimation, mere calendar years are of little importance. The thing that matters most is biological age as the flexibility or one's cells and arteries. By true standards, Lenore is indeed young. I'm really trying to get a grip on what his relationship with Lenore is, and it is very unclear.

[Molly]

It's his housekeeper, but he seems to know a lot about her flexibility.

[Robert]

And again, within the. Within the parlance of these essays, the fact that he's talking about like she's old, but she doesn't look it much better than what you normally get. So I'm not going to harp too much on this stuff. So, yeah, Jim accepts the emotion to stay, the invitation to stay. They have dinner and it's just fruit salad. Jim has a great time because, quote. A vital natural diet is Earth. Man's first step in preparing himself physically and spiritually to meet the space people. You can't talk to the Venusians otherwise.

[Molly]

Is it possible that these guys just weren't getting enough fiber before. And that's why they feel better right away?

[Robert]

That's actually very likely. They were eating a 60s diet. Which consisted of nothing but fried cheese.

[Molly]

Like Salisbury steak and cigarettes. Like, he hasn't shit in days.

[Robert]

Yeah, that's his problem. Since Michael left in 1953, Jim has not taken a shit.

[Molly]

Doctors can't figure it out. It hurts so bad.

[Robert]

I just imagine this like conclave. There's like 30 doctors in lab coats. All chain spoken Paul Malls. No idea what's wrong. What could it be? I don't know. Why don't we go get some Salisbury sick. We broke Robert.

[Molly]

I mean, I don't know if you guys heard the news, but cat turd has a bowel impaction. So this is a very real problem facing America's men.

[Robert]

So we're returning to tradition on this stuff. Good times. So sorry I skipped ahead a little bit earlier. Now is where he bids Jim goodnight, saying that, like, you know, tomorrow, tonight I'm going to talk to my Venusian master. And then we're going to. We're going to start your health program. So I wonder. I know you're wondering, Molly. You know the question everyone has. How do you get into contact with people from Venus?

[Molly]

Psychically?

[Robert]

Thank God. Michael details in this book his regular procedure. First, he raises the vibratory rate of his psychic brain centers. The pituitary and pineal glands.

[Molly]

Actually, I need a step before that one. That can't be step one.

[Robert]

That is step one.

[Molly]

Are there sub steps?

[Robert]

That's the step one. He places psychic gyms telolith and lapis lingua. Directly over his pituitary and pineal glands. And he exerts mild pressure with his hands. He then visualizes a beam of white light shining from the center of his forehead towards Venus. On this beam of light, I sent out my call to Master Lonzara. And patiently awaited his response to the message.

[Molly]

So he's pressing a crystal.

[Robert]

Two crystals, Molly. Two crystals. One crystal is not gonna do it. If you've just got one crystal, you're getting nowhere.

[Molly]

Where's my pituitary gland?

[Robert]

It's somewhere up in your head.

[Molly]

So I imagine he's, like, pressing a crystal to the front and back of his head.

[Robert]

Yeah, I think that's something like that. Cause the pineal gland's, like, right here. If I'm remembering various paintings by Alex Gray about taking dmt. Yeah, it would make sense if the other one was back here. So he's got a crystal on either side of his head, and he's thinking about a pillar of light, and then he sends his message. You know, it's just like calling AT and T. Molly.

[Molly]

Okay, this makes perfect sense to me. Go on.

[Robert]

No one listening to this podcast is called AT&T in their entire lifespan. I don't know what to tell. Anyway, a minute passed, two minutes, Then suddenly I felt the strange. Since it's the same strange sensation that invariably happens whenever a message is sent to me from the space people, I can only partially describe it by saying that it is a physical, mental, and spiritual feeling of at one ment with another living, thinking human being whose vibrations are extraordinarily harmonious. As his dynamic thoughts are conveyed one by one to my mind, I feel a sense of unusual peace, harmony, joyous stimulation, and timelessness. For a few precious moments, time ceases to be, and I am strongly aware only of his magnetic presence, his consciousness, and the living truth of his vital message. Briefly, this is the feeling of attunement that came to me after I had sent out my call to Lanzara. With this feeling, there also came into my awareness the special musical tone in the key of D with which Lanzara makes his presence known to me by telethot. Now, Molly, that's a capitalized word. Obviously, that's telegram, but with your thoughts. Telethot. Although it is spelled like telegram, but for like thoughts. Like the kids talk about T. H O T. Oh, no. Yeah. Makes me giggle a little bit every time I come across that bad boy. Yeah, yeah.

[Molly]

The number of words he's creating and capitalizing is.

[Robert]

He has unique. The Venusians have a unique attitude towards capitalizing words. They've ascended from our grammatical system, Molly.

[Molly]

Right. They've moved beyond it. They've graduated from it.

[Robert]

Yeah, yeah. They're much better than us in that way. And every other way. As his dynamic thoughts are conveyed one by one to my mind, I feel a sense of unusual peace, harmony, joyous stimulation, and timelessness.

[Molly]

Where does he feel that?

[Robert]

That's unclear. Molly. Joyous stimulation could mean a lot of things, and in this context, most of them aren't things I want to think about. Michael X. Doing for a few precious moments, time ceases to be and I'm strongly aware only of his magnetic presence, his consciousness and the living truth of his vital message. Briefly, this is the feeling of attunement that came to me after I had sent out my call to Lanzara. With this feeling, there also came into my awareness the special musical tone in the key of D with which Lanzara makes his presence known to me by telethot. His masterful thoughts followed the musical tone. Greetings, Michael X. Blessings of life, love and ever increasing light to you and all our loved ones on planet Earth. Once again it is our privilege and joy to serve our Earth brothers and sisters and assist them in their upward evolution. You beloved brother, were right in reasoning that we know of the serious illness of your dear friend Jim Lindy. We have been aware of his plight for some time, but it was not until recently. I love the idea. Billions of humans, this is the 60s, you know, millions of people are being incinerated from the air in Vietnam. There is so much suffering in the world. But these Venusians are like, oh yeah, Jim, of course we can't stop talking about Jim Lindley.

[Molly]

Well, Jim's obviously special, right? Because he's seen the craft.

[Robert]

He is.

[Molly]

And that wasn't a coincidence.

[Robert]

Look, this is the man who's gone the longest amount of time without shitting. And as Venusian we have talk of.

[Molly]

The lifetronic health spa.

[Robert]

This is. We can't put back people back together when they get blown to shit by a C130, but what we can do is help Jim Lindy to shit.

[Molly]

You know, like just give him a bowl of honeydew melon.

[Robert]

Yeah, that is literally the prescription. As much melon as you can fit in your body. Wow. We have been aware of his plight for some time, but it was not until recently that we could act in his behalf without interfering with his own will. Fortunately, Jim Lindy is open minded regarding us. That is most important. We can and shall help him. We shall point out certain health secrets which should not be secrets at all, but common knowledge to earthlings at the Lifetronic Healing center on Venus. We give out these and other teachings freely so that all Venusians learn how to work with nature's upbuilding measures from infancy on. So there are native born Venusians, they're not all ascended, which means. And it exists because like our Venus does not grow melons, Molly. It is not a good melon climate. I don't know if you spend a lot of time there, huh?

[Molly]

Cosmology here. So there have been both human beings from Earth who have ascended to Venus and become Venusians. Yes, but then there are also human beings on Earth who are reincarnated from native Venusians. Or are they the reincarnations of humans who ascended to Venus became Venusians and then reincarnated back into Earth.

[Robert]

It does appear to go birth both ways. And I would guess it's a matter of. Here's my guess, if I'm coming up with a cosmology.

[Molly]

Is it a punishment if you get born back to Earth?

[Robert]

No, no, no. Venusians, we split off at some point. Right. The ancient people who traveled into space, some of them wound up in Venus and they stayed smart, whereas we developed daytime television, which really did a number on us. So the Venusians who were smart and they still love us, they still care about us, and when a human being is wise and enlightened enough, they. They're able to see and communicate with his soul and bring it to Venus. But their interactions with Venusians who have humans who have ascended to Venus makes some of the nice Venusians feel very empathetic towards Earth. So they choose to die and be reincarnated on Earth to help us. And that's where Jesus comes from.

[Molly]

I was gonna ask. I was actually confessed, if I'm selling.

[Robert]

This, that's how I'm selling this.

[Molly]

No, because you said the X is to honor Christ. And so usually guys that still believe in the existence of Jesus Christ but are also alien guys, they think Jesus was an alien.

[Robert]

Well, that's exactly it. And in this, it's a little more complicated that the aliens are humans, but they didn't come from Earth.

[Molly]

So Jesus chose to leave Venus and incarnate on Earth.

[Robert]

Yes, that. That's my interpretation of this.

[Molly]

I'm up to speed. I'm on board.

[Robert]

You're up to speed. You're good?

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Robert]

All right, let's continue. So, yeah, they're going to give him some secrets. In Jim Lindy's case, he must first intensify his desire to be. Well, then he must himself send forth his desire directly to us. And we sh. Give him a sign of our recognition and illumine his inner consciousness. Illuminae. I'm not sure if they were trying to say illuminate. I don't think illumine is a word.

[Molly]

Illumine him.

[Robert]

Illumine him. Sophie, look that one up, please. His inner consciousness from time to time. This we shall do by a series of all caps. Dream contacts. Oh, my. Spelling this word.

[Molly]

Okay.

[Robert]

Y. L L U M I N E. It is.

[Molly]

So it is. It can. It can be a literary way of saying to, to brighten something like illuminate. But also it can be to spiritually or intellectually enlighten.

[Robert]

You know what, I gotta give it to Michael X. I learned something today.

[Molly]

Yeah, this is literature.

[Robert]

We all learned something today. You know what, why don't we, why don't we meditate on that? Get some rocks, stick em on one side of your head and another push em in a little bit. Think of a pillar of light and listen to these ads.

[Molly]

Do you think the rare earth metals inside my iPhone count? Should I press that to my video glass?

[Robert]

Yeah, stick a couple of phones to your head. It doesn't matter. Fuck it. He was a boy scout leader, a church deacon, a husband, a father.

[Molly]

He went to a local church. He was going to the grocery store with us. He was the guy next door.

[Robert]

But he was leading a double life. He was certainly a peeping Tom, looking through the windows, looking at people, fantasizing about what he could do.

[Molly]

He then began entering the houses. He could get into their home, take something and get out and not be caught.

[Robert]

He felt very powerful. He was a monster hiding in plain sight.

[Molly]

Someone killed four members of a family. It just didn't happen here.

[Robert]

Journey inside the mind of one of history's most notorious killers btk, through the voices of the people who know him best. Listen to Monster BTK on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Do you want to understand an invisible force that's shaping your life? I'm Osvaloshin, one of the new hosts of the long running podcast Tech Stuff. I'm slightly skeptical but obsessively intrigued. And I'm Cara Price, the other new host and I'm ready to adopt early and often on tech stuff. We travel all the way from the mines of Congo to the surface of Mars to the dark corners of TikTok to ask and attempt to answer burning questions about technology. One of the kind of tricks for surviving Mars is to live there long enough so that people evolve into Martians.

[Molly]

Like data is a very rough proxy for a complex reality. How is it possible that the world's.

[Robert]

New energy revolution can be based on in this place where there's no electricity at night? Oz and I will cut through the noise to bring you the best conversations.

[Molly]

And deep dives that will help you.

[Robert]

Understand how tech is changing our world.

[Molly]

And what you need to know to survive the singularity.

[Robert]

So join us Listen to tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Molly]

It was big news.

[Robert]

I mean, white girl gets murdered, found in a cemetery. Big, big news.

[Molly]

When a young woman is murdered, a desperate search for answers takes investigators to some unexpected. He believed it could be part of a satanic cult.

[Robert]

I think there were many individuals present.

[Molly]

I don't know who pulled the trigger. A long investigation stalls until someone changes their story. I, like, saw one thing that happened. An arrest, trial and conviction soon follow. He just saw his body just kind of collapsing. Two decades later, a new team of lawyers says their client is innocent. He did not kill her. There's no way is the real killer rightly behind bars or still walking free. Are you capable of murder?

[Robert]

I definitely am not.

[Molly]

Did you kill her? Listen to the real Killer, Season 3 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the Criminalia podcast. I'm Maria Tremarke.

[Robert]

And I'm Holly Fry. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.

[Molly]

Each season we explore a new theme. Everything from poisoners and pirates to art thieves and snake oil products and those who made and sold them.

[Robert]

We uncover the stories and secrets of some of history's most compelling criminal figures.

[Molly]

Including a man who built a submarine.

[Robert]

As a getaway vehicle. Yep, that's a fact.

[Molly]

We also look at what kinds of societal forces were at play at the time of the crime, from legal injustices to the ethics of body snatching, to see what, if anything, might look different through today's perspective.

[Robert]

And be sure to tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in custom made cocktails and mocktails inspired by the stories. There's one for every story we tell.

[Molly]

Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Robert]

We're back. Actually, Molly, I kind of think the iPhones might do better because obviously the life blood of whatever child harvested those rare earth minerals is built into your life. So it's haunted. And the ghost is probably like. That's like. That's like bringing in a guy to tune your TV antenna again. Another thing no one has done in fucking 35 years. Good stuff. So, Jim, I'm illumined. Yeah, we have all been illumined on the word illumine. They're gonna do this by a series of dream contacts, which will be made by us while Jim is sleeping soundly at night. He will let those times experience Unusually vivid dreams, each containing a vitally important message that's important for him to regain his health. You believe then, I said quickly, that Jim Lindy can be cured, so he will once again be vigorous and healthy. There are no cures, replied Lanzara. Jim's present state of painful illness was created by. Created by himself through his own unwise actions of eating nothing but salisbury steak for 42 years.

[Molly]

I do love. I do love the undercurrent of like, well, he can't get better until he actually wants to because he's sick, because he doesn't want it bad enough.

[Robert]

There's a degree to which they're kind of being reasonable, because what they're literally saying is, like, there's a line here. Those who claim they can cure disease are charlatans. They're only fooling themselves. And those homeiest souls who turn to them in misguided trust and confidence. The simple truth is human. But then we get to this. The simple truth is humanity does not have to cure disease. All it needs to do is stop causing it. Right. Which you can do by only eating raw fruit. You know, I was like, I went through whiplash there. I was like, oh, maybe this isn't going to be SAP. No. There we go. Okay.

[Molly]

I feel like a lot of people who are selling you something dangerous will make a valid point about how everyone else who's doing that is pretty bad. But I'm not. I'm selling you the good lead.

[Robert]

I'm selling you the good, responsible life advice. So Jim's got to rebuild, like, rebuild his health by reversing the pattern of disease and being healthy. And this is a super fast process. If you, if you do it right now normally, it's very slow. The average person on Earth, if they're sick, they have no control over the healing process. Right.

[Molly]

You have to replace the thetans with the lifetrons.

[Robert]

Yes, yes. You must consider the natural time factor and allow for it. But. And this is Lanzara again. Many thousands of years ago, reckoning according to your Earth time, the greatest minds of Venus found that the time factor in nature could be so minimized and reduced that we were able to accomplish results in weeks. Where formerly years were required, then we progressed to a point where we could do so much in only a few days, as we used to do in several weeks. Finally, our greatest breakthrough came when we discovered how to collapse time all caps within our own consciousness, so that the positive results were realized in mere seconds and minutes that previously took many hours and days to achieve. At the Lifetronic Healing center on Venus. We had long studied the simple, marvelous laws of the universe and the forces of nature, knowing, as we did, that these natural laws are designed by the Creator for the good of all life. We did not attempt to change the unchangeable. Instead, we did our best to learn those wonderful laws and attune ourselves with them as we ourselves learned higher truths. We taught themselves to all the people and showed them how to apply simple methods that brought health and happiness into their lives. To study and apply all that we could discover of our Creator's simple but wonderful principles brings us all the greatest of joys. Our delight is, as your psalm has it, in the law of the Lord.

[Molly]

Okay, I. I think this guy's bullshitting us because he was like, oh, we want to share these secrets with everyone. They shouldn't even be secrets. We want to talk to everyone. But you knew Jim was sick.

[Robert]

You've been holding out on our boy Jim because he wasn't ready. Because he liked it.

[Molly]

So you want to share it with everybody?

[Robert]

No. He had to come and eat a bowl of fruit.

[Molly]

Lonzara is fucking gaslighting us.

[Robert]

What's left out of this, this recitation of events, is that while Michael is communing with Lanzara, his friend Jim Lindy, who just ate his first fiber in like, 20 years fighting for his life.

[Molly]

You know, those hemorrhoids are hurting that poor man.

[Robert]

Oh, man. Nearly killed him. Wow. Our people, Lanzara continued, became aware that health is the physical, is the physical body's normal reaction to a normal environment. So I know you're wondering, how do you make your environment normal so you can cure all your illnesses, right? Very simple. Number one, vital air. Number two, vital sunlight. Number three, vital food. And number four, vital water. That's all you need. See, there's four supreme essentials to human life, right? And these are all in vital forms. Or, as most of us do, you can assume them in dead forms.

[Molly]

What is vital? Air.

[Robert]

That means the air is alive.

[Molly]

Sofie, you need to positronically charge it with the crystals, obviously. Sophie, keep up.

[Robert]

These are the four essentials, right? And if you have all of these, you can't get sick, right? But most people consume dead air. Weak sunlight, dead food and dead water.

[Molly]

I'm over there charging my air. Oh, yes.

[Robert]

Okay. Gotta be live food. Gotta make sure your water's not dead.

[Molly]

Have you heard the conspiracy theory that they replace the sun with a different, weaker sun?

[Robert]

Yes, and I do believe it.

[Molly]

So I think that's what the problem is, like, we're not consuming vital sun.

[Robert]

We're not getting nearly enough vital shit.

[Molly]

We got this like stupid fucked up sun.

[Robert]

Yeah, the sun sucks. Our water's super charged up. I do. It is very funny to me that like, he has to be talking about like water that comes straight from like a stream and is full of giardia, like it is alive. There are living things in that water.

[Molly]

It's not good for you.

[Robert]

You don't want. So, yeah, he does have. There's a whole rant in here about how mineral water is killing you because.

[Molly]

Rocks are dead, but the crystals are alive.

[Robert]

You know, that is. That is a contradiction in his cosmology that I don't think Michael X ever really grapples with.

[Molly]

If I, if I ever get to Venus, I'm going to be there. Fucking Socrates. They're going to kill me for being so annoying.

[Robert]

They are going to poison you. They're going to make you drink Venusian hemlock. Cause you're like, I don't know, guys, you have a lot of crystals around here. They seem pretty fucking dead to me.

[Molly]

Oh, just the Socrates of Venus.

[Robert]

Yeah. So what they're telling our boy Michael is that his friend Jim Lindy, he's been breathing dead air instead of live. Fresh moving air, inactive air. It's like a stagnant pool of water. It contains almost no positive electricity.

[Molly]

That's why dogs put their head out the window in the car.

[Robert]

Dogs understand all of this, Molly. And that's why dogs drink water that is disgusting stink.

[Molly]

Because they're looking for the most vital puddle water.

[Robert]

Vital water. They can't. None of that dead water. I'm going to drink from a toilet somebody left out in the field filled with water from the rain and moss.

[Molly]

Oh, the best water has stuff wiggling in it.

[Robert]

That's right, the dogs love that shit. Cannot get enough of it. Third, all of my crystals that are.

[Molly]

Near my desk.

[Robert]

I'm pounding Dr. Pepper, zero sugar, which feels very vital to me.

[Molly]

The bubbles. The bubbles are alive. I just really want my air to be goodbye.

[Robert]

I wonder. I don't cook my kratom. Does that count? Is that vital?

[Molly]

Wait, my juice is alive. It has.

[Robert]

Your juice is alive. Actually, I'm going to guarantee you this guy was pro bucha.

[Molly]

You know, I'm fucking vital right now.

[Robert]

Although he doesn't mention it. Maybe kombucha hadn't made it really into like New Age stuff in the 60s. That might have been a little early. The early 60s that might have been A little too early for it, I.

[Molly]

Just want to say. Oh yeah, it's alive. It's alive. So how are we bringing. How are we bringing vitality to our air?

[Robert]

I don't really get a clear example other than like going outside. Right, okay, going outside. That's fine. Look like, like, honestly, like a lot of especially earlier new age stuff. If you do like half of what the time, if you do what they're telling you to do, it's like fine because half of what they're telling you to do is like you need to go outside and get natural sunlight. Which like. Yeah, you do, I guess. Good for you.

[Molly]

Thing that really hits. If you could do one thing that would hit all four of these to cure you forever so you could become Venusian and get all the lifetrons is you know like when you put a watermelon in a stream to cool off.

[Robert]

Yes.

[Molly]

So it's a sunny day, you're outside, it's windy, so the air is very vital.

[Robert]

Cold moving water.

[Molly]

That melon in the water, full of deer shit. So you definitely get giardia from eating it and you'll live forever.

[Robert]

That's right. You get those chronic wasting disease prions and your fucking watermelon. You're never gonna die.

[Molly]

Only eat melon and you have giardia. You will shoot inside out.

[Robert]

Prions are very vital. They can't be killed. I'm going to put out a book called the Prion Driven Life and just try to see how many of like the new QANON people I can get to just consume chronic wasting disease meat. Look, the government wants to tell you that prions are bad for you. But the more of this stuff you get in your body, if prions can't die and you will eat with prions in it, you'll never die. Probably. Yeah. There basically was because there was that British mad cow pandemic around the same time. Spooked a lot of people.

[Molly]

Anyway, sorry, I keep bringing up diarrhea.

[Robert]

So look, if there's one thing this book is going to cause, it's diarrhea. Like you are. You are going up to a bunch of very clogged up 50s guys and saying what if you only ate raw fruit? Massive quantities of it, as much as you can fit in your box. Like these, These guys did damage to the septic system in Los Angeles. That, that was a big part of why the fires got so bad. Oh, Robert.

[Molly]

Okay, this is actually very serious. We need to find out if Jim's okay.

[Robert]

So this is their. This is their biggest advice. Because Jim needs to get live food in his body. Live vital food in his body.

[Molly]

Vital.

[Robert]

Like the vast majority of humans on planet Earth, Jim Lindy has relied upon cooked food to energize his body. This is a serious error, for it is impossible to get something vital out of something dead. Cooking electrons out. That's right. As they say, cooked and processed food is 9/10 dead. For the life energy, lifetronic energy that was originally in the food has been forced out of it into the atmosphere by the vibratory action of the fire. If one knows how to.

[Molly]

Cos heat does make the molecules move around faster. Right.

[Robert]

And that makes me wonder, so if I sit by a cooking fire and just breathe in, am I okay? And he kind of says yes, because he's like, there are certain techniques that you can get more life energy out of the air, so you could be okay on cooked food.

[Molly]

But if you want, if the lifetrons are like coming off at like a steam, why don't you just huff it?

[Robert]

Huff the steam. Apparently that does work to a degree. But as Lanzara notes, no true adept or master on any planet eats cooked food, for it is contrary to natural law and always has a destructive effect.

[Molly]

Always.

[Robert]

Yeah. Oh, we get to the water here. Jim has drunk freely from the ordinary reservoir water and of water from mineral springs of this earth. Although this water contains a certain amount of lifetronic energy derived through contract with sun and air, it also contains quantities of inorganic minerals. These minerals are too low in coarse and vibration to be used by the human body. He does kind of explain why it doesn't work like crystals. So yeah, they just get deposited positive in your nerves where it's bad for you.

[Molly]

So they're anti fluoride for sure.

[Robert]

These guys definitely would not be happy to hear fluoride being in our water. However, I realized that live organic water is obtained by simply eating fresh juicy fruits. Don't drink water. Get a camelback full of raw fruit. That's all you need to get you through the bush.

[Molly]

Just the wettest fruits, the wettest of.

[Robert]

The fruits, nothing but that. So yeah, that's what keeps you alive, right? That's what's going to help you live forever. So folks, if you take nothing from this, eat nothing but raw fruit and you will never die and become God. Or at least Venusian.

[Molly]

I did eat like 10 clementines earlier, so I think I'm pretty fucking vital today.

[Robert]

You know, when you came on this, I was like, wow, Molly looks like she has been Powered by Venus. Like, you look like you can never get sick again. You know, as long as I definitely.

[Molly]

Don'T look like I stayed up all night reading old Hungarian newspapers.

[Robert]

No, no, nothing. Nothing goes with an old Hungarian newspaper like a clementine. I'm always saying that. I've said that once, but it's true. You know what else is true, Molly?

[Molly]

That all atoms are made of lifetrons, which descends from the thoughtrons.

[Robert]

This is very funny. I actually grabbed a couple of my crystals that I nearby for just such occasions. In between the last couple of sentences that I read, we cut this out, but I focused on a pillar of light as I pressed in on my head and Lanzara actually came down and was like, hey, man, how's it going on? And I was like, I'm doing good. I'm trying to figure out how can I deliver to my audience the maximum value and joy that they need in these difficult times in order to overcome the dark energy that's constantly assailing all of us. Us. And he was like, I don't know, bro, maybe tell him to get off Twitter. But then he said, listen to these ads. He was a boy scout leader, a.

[Molly]

Church deacon, a husband, a father. He went to a local church. He was going to the grocery store with us. He was the guy next door.

[Robert]

But he was leading a double life. He was certainly a people looking through the windows, looking at people, fantasizing about what he could do.

[Molly]

He then began entering the houses. He could get into their home, take something and get out and not be caught.

[Robert]

He felt very powerful. He was a monster hiding in plain sight.

[Molly]

Someone killed four members of a family. It just didn't happen here.

[Robert]

Journey inside the mine of one of history's most notorious killers, btk, through the voices of the people who know him best. Listen to Monster BTK on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Do you want to understand an invisible force that's shaping your life? I'm Os Velozian, one of the new hosts of the long running podcast Tech Stuff. I'm slightly skeptical but obsessively intrigued. And I'm Cara Price, the other new host, and I'm ready to adopt early and often on tech stuff. We travel all the way from the mines of Congo to the surface of Mars to the dark corners of TikTok to ask and attempt to answer burning questions about technology. One of the kind of tricks for surviving Mars is to live there long enough so that people evolve into Martians.

[Molly]

Like Data is a very rough proxy for a complex reality. How is it possible, possible that the.

[Robert]

World'S new energy revolution can be based in this place where there's no electricity at night? Oz and I will cut through the noise to bring you the best conversations.

[Molly]

And deep dives that will help you.

[Robert]

Understand how tech is changing our world.

[Molly]

And what you need to know to survive the singularity. So join us.

[Robert]

Listen to tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It was big news. I mean, white girl gets murdered, found in a cemetery. Big, big news.

[Molly]

When a young woman is murdered, a desperate search for an takes investigators to some unexpected places. He believed it could be part of a satanic cult.

[Robert]

I think there were many individuals present.

[Molly]

I don't know who pulled the trigger. A long investigation stalls until someone changes their story. I like saw whole thing that happened. An arrest, trial and conviction soon follow. He just saw his body just kind of collapsing. Two decades later, a new team of lawyers says their client is innocent. He did not kill her. There's no way is the real killer rightly behind bars or still walking free. Are you capable of murder?

[Robert]

I definitely am not.

[Molly]

Did you kill her? Listen to the real Killer, Season 3 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the Criminalia Podcast. I'm Maria Tremarke.

[Robert]

And I'm Holly Fry. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.

[Molly]

Each season we explore a new theme, everything from poisoners and pirates to art thieves and snake oil products and those who made and sold them.

[Robert]

We uncover the stories and secrets of some of history's most compelling criminal figures.

[Molly]

Including a man who built a submarine.

[Robert]

As a getaway vehicle. Yep, that's a fact.

[Molly]

We also look at what kinds of societal forces were at play at the time of the crime, from legal injustices to the ethics of body snatching, to see what, if anything, might look different through today's perspective.

[Robert]

And be sure to tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in custom made cocktails and mocktails inspired by the stories. There's one for every story we tell.

[Molly]

Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Robert]

We're back. What do you think Lonzara looks like Molly?

[Molly]

Probably really sexy.

[Robert]

You think he's hot? I was, I was going to ask. I was like, no, that's not a responsible thing to ask a colleague. Do you think he's hot. But I was wanting to ask, do you think he's hot? Because I think he's hot. That fake photo of young Stalin.

[Molly]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I just feel like this is the kind of cult where, like, health is beauty. Beauty is health. Right. I feel like that's very much sort of baked into the vibe here. So, like, if. What is his name? Lanzara? If Lanzar is not sexy. Like, I'm not taking fruit advice from him.

[Robert]

No, no.

[Molly]

You know what? I bet. I bet. I bet everyone on Venus looks like those hot Nazis from the. The Star Trek planet where.

[Robert]

Oh, where they tried to kill Wesley.

[Molly]

Yeah. Where you can't break the rules.

[Robert]

Yeah.

[Molly]

You can't go on the grass.

[Robert]

Yeah. No, that's my favorite planet. Because they tried to get rid of Wesley, which we should do anyway. That's outside of the point. I do agree, Molly. Like, a big, unstated part of this is that, like, as silly as all of this sounds, I would do every piece of this if someone who was sufficiently sexy told me to. Like, if Lee Pace is like, oh, no, my old secret, nothing but raw fruit, I'm going to a raw fruit diet.

[Molly]

You know, what you're describing is what has happened to millions of young women on Instagram.

[Robert]

I know, I know, I know. Lee Pace has tremendous power right now, and it really says something about how good a person he is that he just posts videos of himself learning how to build a house with his bare hands.

[Molly]

I don't know who or what Lee Pace is. I'm just talking about getting bad health advice from a sexy person.

[Robert]

Oh, man. No. Lipe says nothing but good advice, which is largely marry a dude and go live in the woods. Building a farmhouse. Also, be in several very good movies and TV shows.

[Molly]

Anyway, I've googled Lee Pace, and it's not helping. He doesn't look familiar to me.

[Robert]

Oh, you've never seen the Fall? Oh, Molly, you gotta see the Fall.

[Molly]

The TV show with Gillian Anderson?

[Robert]

No, very different thing. It's a movie. It's great. He's also in foundation, which is a TV show. Also great.

[Molly]

All men look the same to me. I'm so sorry.

[Robert]

Oh, not Lee Pace. Not once. You really get a good Lee Pace thing in there.

[Molly]

Well, it is not.

[Robert]

I'll send you some Lee Pace.

[Molly]

I started typing Lee Pace, and Google asked me if I meant Leni Riefenstahl. So, like. Like, just bad on my computer? They're bad on my computer. I can't.

[Robert]

No, no, no, we can't. I can't I can't let this be. I can't let this be.

[Molly]

Keep reading to us.

[Robert]

No, no, we're doing a Lee pace. Look, we're doing a Lee pace. I gotta bring you guys a good Lee pace, All right? All right. This is a good Lee pace shot. Okay, one sec, one sec. I'm doing a control and a plus control.

[Molly]

Yeah. You learned something today.

[Robert]

Uh huh. Me being a hack and a fraud really paid off. Robert just went, I've just been clipping shit into Irfanview for years. All right, look at that. Look at that man. Look at that piece of. Man, look at that shirt he's wearing.

[Molly]

What are these outfits? What is this from?

[Robert]

This is foundation. It's a great show. Look at him. Look at him in that shirt. Oh, okay.

[Molly]

Yeah, I'll watch that for sure.

[Robert]

That's right. You're goddamn right.

[Molly]

Not offended.

[Robert]

Anyway.

[Molly]

All right, let's vibrate.

[Robert]

Three Rivers to Cross Part 3. Jim Lindy Wakes up the morning after.

[Molly]

The shit of his life.

[Robert]

Yeah. Fighting demons on that throne, he harpooned the Dark Lord. Oh, my God. So he's had a dream. As Lanzara told our narrator Michael. I'm sorry, he's had a dream. In this dream, a message was conveyed to him. He had three rivers to cross. And he crossed all these rivers. He was, you know, felt weak. But then he managed to find the strength and did it. I'm not going to read this guy's whole dream to you. I made one promise when I started podcasting. Two. One was I won't sell Baldness Curse. And the other was that I won't read anybody's dream. Extensively. And I have kept those promises, you know, just to not be like Alex Jones. That's the only promises that I will keep. But yeah. So he has this dream and it convinces him that. And at the end of it, every cell in his body radiates health. And he sees the Grim Reaper flee from him in fear.

[Molly]

So he knows, like, he's unkillable now. He's too lifetronic.

[Robert]

He's got so much fiber in his.

[Molly]

Diet, he's just in a lifetronic mech suit and the Grim Reaper cannot touch him.

[Robert]

That's what the fiber does is it builds an Iron man suit around you of what used to be bananas and melons. Eagerly, he rushed to. It is very obvious at this point how deeply this affected Steve Jobs. He truly believed Lanzaro was going to save him from fucking pancreatic cancer.

[Molly]

That's so troubling.

[Robert]

Or prostate Whichever one killed him.

[Molly]

One of the pee cancers.

[Robert]

Yeah, I think it was pancreatic. It's what got my mom. Eagerly, he rushed to a mirror to see if by some magic means the wonderful dream had come true. So real the experience had been to Jim. It seemed that surely it must have happened. But as he gazed into the mirror, he saw at once that no magic had taken place. At least any that was evidently immediate. Evident immediately to the eye, his body was still sickly looking, prematurely old and lacking in vital strength. An unusually vibrant sparkle, however, shone strongly in his blue eyes, as if he had contacted living forces that could quite easily, if they so willed, transform him into the happy, healthy individual he longed to be. This, briefly, was the first inspiring dream contact, as Jim related it to Ro while we walked. So he's had a. He's had a. Or I think Ro is supposed to be me. Someone did a find replace in this manuscript that fucked it up a little bit. So they have a dinner which consists of. Of fresh, delicious organic fruit, sliced in a generous bowl topped with sunflower seeds, almond nut cream and a sprig of mint leaf.

[Molly]

Refreshing.

[Robert]

Yeah. Everything is uncooked. You can tell immediately when foods have been submitted to fire. And after breakfast, Jim has to write some letters while our author retires to his den. And then he describes his library, which is very exciting to me. I went to my library room to catch up on some serious reading. My library is somewhat unique in that it contains several thousand books, chiefly of an occult or mystical nature. My collection of flying saucer in 1960, he might have been. I desperately wanna see. Cause this is like, I gotta think if he's got thousands of books about like spaceflight, interplanetary books, flying saucer shit in 1960, he has every single one. And most of this shit, like is gone forever now. Like a lot of this did not get digitized. This man's library was a treasure trove of lost media that I would. Would kill to get my hands on. We'd be sent for years, Molly, we could do this twice a week.

[Molly]

Think of the content.

[Robert]

Think of how much content we'd get. Ah, if only if you know where fucking Michael X's library went.

[Molly]

Where was this estate sale?

[Robert]

I will fight and kill to get my hands on it. So he starts looking through his library to find something as a subject of health that he can recommend to Jim. And he's disappointed. I think this is his explanation for why he had to write these books.

[Molly]

Because the book he needed didn't exist. That's why he had to write it.

[Robert]

That's right. And every self help book has that piece in the why I had to write it thing. And then while he's reading and don't you hate it? Molly, we all have this experience. You're deep in some research, you're in the stacks, as it were, and you get a call. You know, your phone starts buzzing and.

[Molly]

You'Re like, that never happens to me. Mine doesn't ring.

[Robert]

Yeah, mine doesn't ring either, actually. You simply can't exist that way anymore. But his phone is not ringing. He is getting called by telethot communication, which I guess is there like a do not disturb for that?

[Molly]

Actually, that does happen to me.

[Robert]

You turn your telethot back on, you're like, oh shit, I missed a lot of calls from the fucking arborist who's supposed to come and cut that tree down. Fuck me. Fuck me. I had one thing to do today.

[Molly]

Do you think the Venusians can leave voicemail? You know, maybe that's what the dreams are. Because I was gonna ask, what's the difference between dream communication and telethought? Like this one? Easier.

[Robert]

Maybe the dreams are like, hell, you just go to sleep and it's like, hey, so Longzara here and Sorry, I'm in traffic right now. Hey, hey, come on, speed up, man. It's the fucking highway. Sorry. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know.

[Molly]

So you're positing a universe in which even our ascended masters get stuck in traffic?

[Robert]

That yes, because I can only imagine, and I get the feeling Michael imagines that Venus is just like Los Angeles in the stars. It's just la.

[Molly]

Everyone's eating at Erewhon.

[Robert]

Yeah, it's fucking Whole Foods as far as the eye can goddamn see. So he gets a call from Lanzara and he's like, hey, good news. You know your buddy had. We sent him a dream. The first river he crossed represents the basic primary need to cleanse the mind of negative thoughts, false tradition or race thinking. Uh oh, what?

[Molly]

What?

[Robert]

Uh oh the what? And the error, he just moves right past it. And the error of reasoning be from false or wrong premises. As long as Jim Lindy clings to the useless mental habit of worshiping all caps false gods, he will remain confused and sick. False gods are those ideas, beliefs and practices based upon human ignorance, willful deceit or mystifying complexity. They invariably all caps block the constructive healing power of the natural. All caps life forces. This is why most methods of healing human ills on your planet are so ineffective. Many of them are ridiculous. Some are actually destructive. Why? Because they ignore the divine intelligence or God power within the individual and interfere with its natural activity, which is always working towards good.

[Molly]

Yes.

[Robert]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, what's there to even say about that?

[Molly]

I mean, what if that's. I mean, the first river seems like it covers a lot of territory.

[Robert]

What are the second two rivers the first river covers? Yeah, that's a real Ganges kind of situation there. So. Yeah, he goes on, all these rivers are basically the same thing, which is you've got to cleanse yourself of different things that are bad.

[Molly]

Well, the first river cleansed the mine. The second river cleansed the mind.

[Robert]

The second river is emotional or dis. The colon got cleansed immediately. Molly. Oh, shit. No, the second river is emotional or desire nature. The third river signifies the great need to cleanse all the cells of the physical body, as well as the atoms of which those cells are composed. Sounds exhausting. About once every three years, I managed to clean the baseboards in my house, and I always feel like a fucking God. So I can't imagine. If you got around to cleaning your atoms, you'd feel great. Well, if the atoms. That would really help.

[Molly]

If the atom. Atoms are gunked up like the Lifetrons.

[Robert]

Can'T, they're not gonna move around. Yeah, right.

[Molly]

The Lifetrons will stagnate. Yeah, no, when I'm vacuuming, that makes.

[Robert]

It sound like it's like a lifetron reuptake inhibitor, which actually seems like it could be good. If you don't let the Lifetrons leave, then maybe they stay in you. Like an ssri.

[Molly]

Yeah, you need to restimulate the Lifetron receptors.

[Robert]

But then if you eat too much fruit, which I think is like the lifetron equivalent of mdma, you get Lifetron syndrome.

[Molly]

Yeah, I'm vibrating at a. Too high.

[Robert]

I'm just imagining kids at the club eating fruit, like, passing out. They have to get, like, fruit Narcan, which I guess is just a steak. Oh, my God.

[Molly]

I'm vibrating at such a high frequency.

[Robert]

Yeah, you keep, like, some McDonald's fries in a breakaway glass thing in order to bring them down if they get too high. Up into space.

[Molly]

There's a guy in a booth watching the surveillance camera, and if you disappear from the footage, you know your vibrational frequency is too high.

[Robert]

You're too high. You're too high.

[Molly]

Hit him with the beef towel.

[Robert]

Yeah, they're coming in there with a sloppy Joe. Yeah, the sprinklers just start dropping, like.

[Molly]

In Blade, except, like, In Blade, it's just warm tallow.

[Robert]

I. But the second before you said that, I thought of Blade. Molly, speaking of vibrations, you and I are clearly. We're clearly riding a similar wave right now. Oh, fuck. Anyway, we'll move away from Jim's boring dream and to the prescription that Lanzara actually gives Michael while he's just trying to read a goddamn book. And it's that, well, the answers weren't.

[Molly]

In the fucking book.

[Robert]

It's a cleansing fast, Molly. It's a cleansing fast. So, day one.

[Molly]

But how are you gonna get any Lifetrons that way?

[Robert]

Well, that's kind of the thing. The first you've got to get out the bad stu. It's blocking the Lifetrons. All you get on day one, distilled water with a little bit of lemon or orange juice in it. 1% juice.

[Molly]

Distilled water is the dead water you can get. It's the deadest water.

[Robert]

Well, not according to this guy. I don't know. Molly, do you know any guys from Venus?

[Molly]

I'm just saying, if we're talking about, like, vital forces.

[Robert]

Distilled water. They're in la. This book wouldn't have gotten written if they tried drinking from the LA River. That is just once. That is just a solid mass of giardia.

[Molly]

It's too vital. They would have vibrated.

[Robert]

Too hard, is, in fact, too alive. Oh, man, it's so funny. LA has a river and it's just concrete. The whole riverbed, everything's concrete. What? Yeah. No, there was a river going through la, and we just kind of made it all concrete. If you've watched Terminator 2, the great chase scene where Terminator's on the motorcycle, that's the Los Angeles River. They're driving on the riverbed. There's some water. Not a lot, usually.

[Molly]

Where did they put the river?

[Robert]

They didn't put it anywhere. Everyone just moved to Southern California and bought cars and nature took its course. So we've got this cleansing fast. Day three, finally, is when you actually start to eat again. And you get all you can eat of one fruit. Right?

[Molly]

Fruit of your choice. Like, dealer's choice.

[Robert]

Fruit of your choice. Yes. Including tomatoes. He reminds us. Those are a fruit.

[Molly]

What fruit are you picking?

[Robert]

I want to say cherries, but I know that we lost a precedent that way.

[Molly]

You can only eat so many of those.

[Robert]

I think probably mangoes, because I feel like that's gonna actually. Or mangoes or pears are gonna, like, at least do the most to make me not miserable. Right. That's feel like they have the most body to them.

[Molly]

Mango's a really good choice.

[Robert]

Honestly, though, I tend to be a savory guy, so I think I might just be craving a tomato by that fucking point. Yeah, this is before all these guys. Watermelon, pineapple. Oh, I can destroy. Oh, I gotta tell you. You know what? We're gonna close out on this, but I gotta tell you my watermelon story. So the other day or other year, my buddy's hanging out. He's from Berlin, he's back in the States, and he's the kind of guy. He's the guy who I had my muscle eating contest with. And every time one about a new weird eating thing thing, we do it together. And the thing I read about was someone being like, hey, if you ever freeze a watermelon, then get naked in the shower and just start eating it, like, literally shove it into your face. Like, get really hot outside on a summer day, like, doing yard work, heavy outdoor labor to where you're, like, exhausted, you've been out for hours, you're, like, sweaty and sunburnt. Then grab a half of a frozen watermelon, walk into the shower and shove it into your face as you turn on the water. It's an ecstatic experience, and it actually does rule. Definitely try that out, folks. Eat a watermelon after coming in from the heat. A frozen watermelon in the shower, it rules just with your face. Washing the juices off. It's a great thing.

[Molly]

Eating fruit should not have this many steps. This sounds like some Venusian bullshit. Honestly.

[Robert]

Did this come to you in a dream? I needed Molly.

[Molly]

Did this come to you in a dream?

[Robert]

The Venusians called me when I was trying to read a book, and they told me to do this. And so my buddy Lenny and I did it, and we both agreed pretty good time.

[Molly]

Together or separately?

[Robert]

Separately. There's not enough room. There's not enough room to eat.

[Molly]

The second you started to talk about.

[Robert]

This, I was like, it's fucking Lenny. We had a good time. Anyway, try that. Try that, folks.

[Molly]

Okay, Is that the episode?

[Robert]

That's the episode. This is fine. This is good enough. I don't know that we're returning to this particular book of Venus magic, but if people like this, there's some more old alien we can get to bask.

[Molly]

In one more time. The COVID Yeah, the COVID So beautiful.

[Robert]

Yeah, the COVID I mean, I. I always worry about our listeners not seeing this, but, like, yeah, it's just like. It's clearly a crayon Drawing of a. Of a. A spacecraft shooting rainbows at a woman with long, golden hair and flowers in her hair. It's not a. It does look like a child's illustration.

[Molly]

It looks like the COVID of a coloring book.

[Robert]

It looks like the color of a color. It looks like a Lisa Frank original coloring book. Yes.

[Molly]

Oh, man. I won't.

[Robert]

That was.

[Molly]

I learned a lot about how to heal myself.

[Robert]

Yep.

[Molly]

With vibrations and fruit.

[Robert]

Are you gonna do it?

[Molly]

I'm probably gonna go eat some clementines because I buy them in a big bag from Costco, so if I don't eat them 15 at a time, they go bad, and then I feel bad. So I make myself feel bad by eating too many fruits.

[Robert]

House those fucking clementines. Look, you know. Until next time. Now, here's my question. What about. Because I do kind of wonder if raw meat guys are descended from this, where they're like, well, he's right about cooking stuff, but it doesn't have to be fruit. You know, there's a lot of bacteria on raw meat. Why not?

[Molly]

It's vital. It's very vital.

[Robert]

Yeah. Especially if you're as obsessed with game as these guys are. There's a lot of parasites in there, too. It's extremely. A lot.

[Molly]

I mean, I do like a raw meat, but under a very specific circumstance, you know?

[Robert]

Yeah. Nice sushi.

[Molly]

Oh, I don't eat fish. I'm afraid of the ocean. I'm talking about steak tartare.

[Robert]

Oh, steak tartar. Can't be. Well, Molly, where can people find you and your work? The steak tartare of writing about weird little guys.

[Molly]

Wow. True. Just raw. Raw and uncut.

[Robert]

Raw and uncut.

[Molly]

Yeah. You can listen to weird little guys every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts. It's fun. And it won't make you sad. Probably. It will make you sad. It'll make you like it.

[Robert]

Yeah. All right, everybody. Well, this has been behind the Bastards, a podcast that this week was about Venus. Next week, I'm sure we'll be back with somebody more problematic.

[Molly]

Behind the Bastards is a production of Cool Zone Media. For more from Cool Zone Media, Visit our website, coolzonemedia.com or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Robert]

Behind the Bastards is Now available on YouTube.

[Molly]

New episodes every Wednesday and Friday. Subscribe to our channel YouTube.com behindthebastards.

[Robert]

He was a boy scout leader, a husband, a father. But he was leading a double life. He. He was a monster hiding in plain sight. Journey inside the mind of one of history's most notorious killers, btk, through the voices of the people who know him best. Listen to Monster BTK on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Molly]

Welcome to the Criminalia Podcast. I'm Maria Tremarke.

[Robert]

And I'm Holly Fry. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.

[Molly]

Each season we explore a new theme, from poisoners to art thieves.

[Robert]

We uncover the secrets of history's most interesting figures, from legal injustices to body snatching. And tune in at the end of.

[Molly]

Each episode as we indulge in cocktails and mocktails inspired by each story.

[Robert]

Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio @ app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It was big news. I mean, white girl gets murdered, found in a cemetery. Big, big news.

[Molly]

A long investigation stalls until someone changes their story. I like saw something that happened. An arrest, trial and conviction soon follow. He did not kill her. There's no way is the Real Killer rightly behind bars or still walking free. Did you kill her? Listen to the real Killer Season 3 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey listeners, I'm Lauren Bright Pacheco, host of the Murder on Songbird Road podcast and I'm excited to share this riveting story with you. I'm also excited to tell you that you can now get access to all episodes of Murder on Songbird Road 100% ad free and one week early through the iHeart True Crime plus subscription available exclusively on Apple Podcasts Plus. You'll get access to other chart topping true crime shows you love like Betrayal, the Girlfriends, Paper Ghosts, Murder Homes, Unrestorable, the Godmother, and more. So don't wait. Head to Apple Podcasts, search for I Heart True Crime plus and subscribe today.