EP1 - You Took Something Away From Me

Summary

BETH'S DEAD

EP1 – "You Took Something Away From Me"

Release Date: October 29, 2025
Hosts: Monica Padman, Elizabeth Laime, Andy Rosen

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Episode Theme & Purpose

The premiere episode of Beth's Dead introduces listeners to a new kind of true crime podcast: an exploration of parasocial relationships gone horribly wrong. Host Monica Padman (Armchair Expert) begins to unravel the mysterious and abrupt end of her favorite podcasting duo, Elizabeth Laime and Andy Rosen of Nobody’s Listening, Right? (and the “Totally” podcast series). As Monica interviews them in an attempt to satisfy her own years-long curiosity, she stumbles upon a story involving changed locks, the LAPD, and the death of a listener—hinting at a chilling mystery to be unveiled throughout the series.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Monica’s Parasocial Relationship with Elizabeth & Andy (00:38–02:48)

• Monica recounts her early days listening to Totally Lame during a difficult time in LA, describing Elizabeth & Andy as “comfort podcasters” and confessing their show got her through gruelling commutes.
• She frames the podcast’s closure as a personal loss and sets up the central question: why did they suddenly disappear?
  • Quote [02:25]: “You took something away from me, and I never knew why. And so this show is going to explore why. Why you guys went off the air.” – Monica Padman

2. The Rise of the “Totally” Podcast Empire (03:00–06:35)

• Elizabeth & Andy recall starting their original podcast, Totally Lame, in 2010, inspired by public radio and Marc Maron’s early WTF success.
• Monica describes discovering their podcast during her years at UCB, bonding over mutual struggles in LA.

3. Listener/Host Connections: Monica’s Emails & The Nature of Podcast Intimacy (06:35–12:43)

• The trio reads aloud Monica’s original 2015 fan emails, including her request for a therapist (after hearing one on Totally Mommy) and her “proposal” to Elizabeth.
  • Quote [09:42]: “You are Oprah, so I don’t think you need to hold out on meeting her... You’re already there, Monica. Oh my God.” – Elizabeth Lame, quoting Monica’s email
• Monica reveals how these interactions highlight her own intense parasocial attachment, setting the stage for the series’ core exploration.

4. The Podcast’s Format: A Mix of Depth and Humor

a) Intimate Advice, Serious Subjects (13:14–14:55; 19:07–24:28)

• Monica and the hosts play clips from Totally Married and Totally Mommy, illustrating their open, honest, and sometimes raw approach to listener questions:
  • Memorable Mailbag [15:45–18:23][/19:11–24:28]:
    • A gay listener considers offering money for a hug from his straight friend, sparking a nuanced discussion on boundaries, intimacy, and unrequited love.
      • Quote [15:45]: "How ethical is it to possibly ask to pay him money just to hug me? ...Just that. I'd be totally okay with killing the friendship." – Listener letter, read by Elizabeth Lame
    • A woman seeks advice about stepping in when her 15-year-old niece is shamed for her weight by her mother, triggering heartfelt exchanges about body image, parent-child relationships, and trauma.
      • Quote [22:10]: "Your kid is gonna be treated by society however she's gonna be treated. At the very least, you should be supportive." – Elizabeth Lame

b) Humor and Relatability (27:26–30:18)

• The hosts play a lighter clip: a classic listener dilemma about “pee anxiety” in public restrooms and the “bolt technique.”
  • Quote [28:34]:
    • "One is the bolt technique... You stare at that bolt and just say, bolts, bolts, bolts, bolts, over and over in your head. I'm not kidding. And I found that to be very effective." – Andy Rosen

5. The Community’s Growth & The Dark Turn (24:41–27:21; 30:18–31:21)

• Elizabeth & Andy discuss the show’s comment section, the sense of community, and the fulfilling (and ego-boosting) nature of connecting with listeners.
  • Quote [26:33]: "Having people look up to me kind of felt good, I think." – Elizabeth Lame
• Monica points out how similar audience engagement runs through her own work on Armchair Expert.
• The conversation pivots to the central mystery: If everything was going so well, why did it end?
  • Quote [31:19]: "So then why did you suddenly stop?" – Monica Padman
  • Quote [31:21]: "We had something scary happen to us. And it all started actually with an email from a listener..." – Elizabeth Lame

6. Cliffhanger and Series Hook (31:32–31:46)

• The episode ends on a tantalizing cliffhanger:
  • Quote [31:32]: “The subject of the email is: You may recognize my vagina.” – Monica Padman

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Notable Quotes

• [02:25] Monica Padman: “You took something away from me, and I never knew why. And so this show is going to explore why.”
• [09:42] Elizabeth Lame (quoting Monica): “You are Oprah...You’re already there, Monica.”
• [15:45] Listener Letter (read by Elizabeth): “How ethical is it to possibly ask to pay him money just to hug me?...I’d be totally okay with killing the friendship.”
• [22:10] Elizabeth Lame: “Your kid is gonna be treated by society however she’s gonna be treated. At the very least, you should be supportive.”
• [26:33] Elizabeth Lame: "Having people look up to me kind of felt good, I think."
• [28:34] Andy Rosen: “You stare at that bolt and just say, bolts, bolts, bolts, bolts, over and over in your head. I found that to be very effective.”
• [31:21] Elizabeth Lame: “We had something scary happen to us. And it all started actually with an email from a listener...”
• [31:32] Monica Padman: “The subject of the email is: You may recognize my vagina.”

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Monica’s Introduction & Motivation: 00:38–02:48
• Elizabeth & Andy’s Podcast Origins: 03:00–06:35
• Monica Reads Her Fan Emails: 07:00–12:43
• Discussion of Podcast Advice Clips: 13:14–18:23, 19:07–24:28, 27:26–30:18
• Reflection on Listeners and Community: 24:41–27:21
• Cliffhanger Setup (the Emergency Email): 31:19–31:46

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Tone & Language

The episode is conversational, self-deprecating, honest, and emotionally open. There is a playful chemistry and gentle teasing between Monica, Elizabeth, and Andy, balanced with darker undercurrents as Monica hints at a forthcoming true crime/mystery exploration.

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Overall Summary

Beth’s Dead launches with a blend of warmth, nostalgia, humor, and unease. Monica Padman sets out not only to uncover why her beloved podcasters vanished but also to dig into the darker side of parasocial relationships and what can happen when those connections spill over in real life. As old email exchanges and fan questions demonstrate the intimacy and vulnerability involved in podcast-listener relationships, Monica, Elizabeth, and Andy’s genial banter is shadowed by hints of an incident that upended everything—leaving the audience eager to hear more about the fateful email: "You may recognize my vagina."

Transcript

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[Monica Padman]

Hi, I'm Monica Padman, co host and producer of the Armchair Expert podcast. If you listen to Armchair, you've probably heard me talk about my favorite podcasters, Elizabeth and Andy from Nobody's Listening. Right. Elizabeth and Andy are my go to comfort podcasters and they've been a constant in my ear since 2010. So it was really upsetting when in they just all of a sudden stopped podcasting. It was so abrupt and I always wondered what happened and when I finally had the chance to ask them about it in person, I was shocked. It's a crazy story. It involves Elizabeth and Andy having their locks changed, the LAPD stepping in, and the death of a listener. When we started this project, our goal was to tell that story, but it ended up taking us on a path we could have never imagined. This is Beth's dead.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Elizabeth, I wish I could give you a hug so bad right now.

[Andy Rosen]

My husband told me that you, Elizabeth, were one of.

[Elizabeth Lame]

I'm a 28 year old dance and.

[Andy Rosen]

Yoga instructor, though I use a different name professionally.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Originally from Norway.

[Andy Rosen]

Elizabeth, were you Beth's counselor or therapist?

[Elizabeth Lame]

I am desperate to figure out what's happened.

[Andy Rosen]

Are you all right?

[Monica Padman]

I'm really excited because we have two of the biggest celebrities in my head in the attic today. Elizabeth and Andy from my favorite podcast, Nobody's Listening.

[Andy Rosen]

Right. Oh, thank you.

[Monica Padman]

So I have you guys here. It's very exciting for me. We'll get into all the reasons why, but the reason we're doing this show is because you, you took something away from me and I never knew why. And so this show is going to explore why. Why you guys went off the air.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

But before we really get into any of them, before we really deep dive, we're going to take the time today to sort of rewind and talk about who you guys are and what the shows were.

[Andy Rosen]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Monica Padman]

You guys are kind of the OG podcasters.

[Andy Rosen]

Yeah. I will say in preparing for this podcast, we, we did Pull our original podcast that dropped February 4, 2010.

[Monica Padman]

Wow. Whoa.

[Andy Rosen]

Looking back, it's so funny because Andy is a record producer. I was in comedy. We had moved here from New York to Los Angeles and I had stopped performing. I was just writing or trying to write.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Andy Rosen]

Not getting paid to write. I missed all of my comedy friends. And so this was a way to have them come over to our house, interview them once a week on our original show. Totally lame.

[Elizabeth Lame]

And yeah, around that time, there was like a couple shows on public radio that I liked listening to that I think had started posting as podcasts. So that's how we even got whiff of what a podcast was. And then one of your friends was Marc Marin's roommate at the time. And that was right at the beginning of Marc's thing where it was like, he has a kind of big podcast that's just started. So that's how it was kind of in the air for us.

[Andy Rosen]

And Mark was a turning point for us because we had between 16 and 50 listeners for the first however many episodes. And then Mark came on and suddenly it was like hundreds.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Oh, wow.

[Monica Padman]

I found you when I was. This is a time in my life also not getting paid to do the thing I was here in Los Angeles to do, but I was getting paid to babysit. That was my job. And I worked in Marina Del Rey.

[Andy Rosen]

Oh, that's great.

[Monica Padman]

For those who don't live in la. That's a nightmare. Yeah, this is a nightmare. I had to be there at 6 in the morning. I worked 6 to 8, get them ready for school.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Then I went home and then I had to come back to pick them up from school. And then I was with them until.

[Elizabeth Lame]

So wait, what was your break in between?

[Monica Padman]

It was 8:00am to 3.

[Andy Rosen]

No, Monica.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Andy Rosen]

This is actually insane.

[Monica Padman]

So. Okay. Yes. So I had this crazy commute where I had to drive to Marine Roy, drive back, then drive it four times.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Wow.

[Monica Padman]

So somehow I must have just been searching. Like I have no idea how I originally came across. At the time I was at ucb. UCB was my world.

[Andy Rosen]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Ucb, for people who don't know, is an improv theater in Los Angeles, very well renowned. And I was sort of obsessed with everything there, all the teachers. And you guys had a lot of those teachers on your show.

[Andy Rosen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Anyway, I somehow stumbled across one of the episodes and you had already been in it for a little bit because I was able to just binge.

[Andy Rosen]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Which is sort of ironic because, well, we'll get. We'll get to this. But it really got me through for so long, that stupid commute. Because I was obsessed. I was listening to Totally Lame. Because things were going so well with Totally Lame, you started another podcast.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yes.

[Monica Padman]

Totally Married, which was you and Andy giving advice to listener questions.

[Andy Rosen]

Yep.

[Monica Padman]

And then after that, you did a third podcast, Totally Mommy, which was about your journey into motherhood. And I didn't even have kids. Also wasn't married, but didn't. And didn't. Didn't matter. I was all in.

[Elizabeth Lame]

And.

[Monica Padman]

And you had a woman on your friend. Yes, and she was a therapist. And I, at the time, was looking for a therapist.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Right.

[Monica Padman]

So I reached out to the Totally Lame email.

[Andy Rosen]

Oh, my God.

[Monica Padman]

And I said, we have to find that.

[Andy Rosen]

Yeah, they do have the Totally Lame. Can you get on to.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yeah, let me. I just need to get WI fi on here.

[Andy Rosen]

Oh, we got access, baby.

[Monica Padman]

Whoa, I'm scared.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Okay, we got January 21, 2015. Hi, Elizabeth. My name is Monica.

[Andy Rosen]

Oh, my God.

[Elizabeth Lame]

I was interning at UCB years ago and saw you perform in Erin McAfee's this feels terrible show.

[Andy Rosen]

Wow.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Ooh.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. That must have been how I found it.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Wow.

I thought you were such a fun storyteller and you plugged your podcast at the end, so I started listening to Totally Lame.

[Andy Rosen]

We got to the bottom of it.

[Monica Padman]

A mystery solved.

[Elizabeth Lame]

And have been an avid listener to all your podcasts ever. It should also be noted that even though I'm not married nor have a child. Oh, my God.

[Monica Padman]

I'm still saying the same lines.

[Elizabeth Lame]

I still love listening to Totally Married and Totally Mommy. So one, you're great, and two, I'm weird.

[Andy Rosen]

Oh, it's so sweet.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Anyway, I'm actually reaching out because I was listening to your Totally Mommy with so and so, and I was wondering if she's currently working in a practice here in la. I've been looking for a therapist for a while, and I've been researching a lot of people, but it's hard and scary to pick someone at random. It's not urgent, but it would be helpful to delve deeper into some of my issues, such as why I'm a single person in my 20s who downloads a mommy podcast every week. I looked online but was unable to find anything, so if you happen to know if she's currently seeing patients and could pass along her info, that would be great. Thanks so much. Elizabeth responds same day. Oh, hi, Monica. Thank you for the email and kind words. I love that you found me through Aaron's show and are still listening. And I reached out to so and so she passed along her email. I totally hear you. On the difficulty of finding a great therapist. It's so hard. Her email is this. Good luck and thank you again for listening. I want to read your response.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no, there's more.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Elizabeth, thank you so much for replying. I will definitely reach out to her and see if there's any available options. One other thing I forgot to mention in my first email. I'm a comedy actress writer. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going, I'm going.

[Monica Padman]

I hate this.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Which is what first drew me to Totally Lame. My childhood goal was to one day be on Oprah, and then she went off air and destroyed that dream. So when I found Totally Lame and tuned in week after week to your amazing show in which I got to listen to my comedy heroes and in some cases, peers, my new goal was to one day be on Totally Lame.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Andy Rosen]

Wow.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Sadly, another dream dead but not forgotten.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Basically, in a long winded way, I'm trying to say you are Oprah, so I don't think you need to hold out on meeting her or feeling her presence. You're already there, Monica. Oh my God.

[Monica Padman]

So I feel real. I have all these feelings right now.

[Elizabeth Lame]

I gotta read your response.

[Monica Padman]

Haha.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Omonica. Will you marry me? I adore you.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Thank you so much for the kind words. The kindest. What a response.

[Monica Padman]

It's so embarrassing.

[Andy Rosen]

Oh my God.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, well, we'll just move right along from that. I did end up seeing that therapist for a really long time. She's amazing.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yes.

[Monica Padman]

And so that was in 2015. And then three years later, Dax and I launched Armchair Expert in February of 2018.

[Andy Rosen]

Oh my God. Has it been that long?

[Elizabeth Lame]

That's insane.

[Monica Padman]

And when Dax first appeared, said, I think I want to do a podcast. I said, I'll help you. And I immediately thought of you guys and was sort of scrambling, like, who? How am I? I need to figure out how to do this. I told him I would figure it out. So I reached back out to you to see if I could, like, potentially shadow you or, I don't know, you could just show me what to do. Oh boy, did I do I start with this is comedy writer or comedy actress? You might remember me.

[Andy Rosen]

Hi, Elizabeth. Hope you're well. I'm Monica, so and so's patient. I've been listening since the early days of Totally Lame, and they have all really brought an abundance of joy and Insight into my life.

[Elizabeth Lame]

You once proposed to me.

[Monica Padman]

We're married.

[Andy Rosen]

I work for Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, and we have just begun talking about starting a podcast. It's literally a seed of an idea now. Just a thought bubble, smiley face. But I was wondering if you would be open to meeting me so I could pick your brain on the podcast world in both theory and logistics. I know you have a family and are super busy, so no worries if you can't. I totally understand. Please let me know. Thanks so much. Best, Monica, a comedy actress. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. That's very sweet.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Andy Rosen]

Professional. You didn't mention the proposal.

[Monica Padman]

I didn't. I kept. Played it cool.

[Andy Rosen]

How crazy is it, though, that you emailed about just this idea of a podcast?

[Monica Padman]

It is so crazy. It is really hard for me to go back and think about a time when it was a, quote, thought bubble or a seed, as we're seven years in and it's grown into such a huge part of my life.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yeah.

[Andy Rosen]

And I. I think that it'll be successful if you keep at it.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, thank you. I'm gonna keep going. I think it's important that I point out I had my own very intense parasocial relationship with you two. And to the degree that I reached out and met you, that's crazy. But it is all very relevant to this whole series.

[Andy Rosen]

Yes.

[Monica Padman]

And I know we're laughing and we're having fun here, but this is all important backstory to sort of get us to something that is not a laughing matter. That leads us to something interesting. Because as I noted in the email, that was a dream lost but not forgotten. Because you guys at that point had stopped doing totally lame.

[Andy Rosen]

We must have, after having totally lame. And actually because of this. So Andy was unaware that I was also responding to every email and also proposing to people. I definitely didn't know that proposing. I don't think to people.

[Elizabeth Lame]

It was just.

[Andy Rosen]

To Monica.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

I think I was special.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Okay.

[Andy Rosen]

But we started a new podcast called Totally Married, which it really wasn't about marriage. It was just two people who are married, and we would. It's similar to our podcast Now Nobody's Listening.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Right.

[Andy Rosen]

Where it was just Andy and I hanging out, catching up. But the second half was us giving unqualified advice to listener questions.

[Monica Padman]

And you guys received the most incredible questions. They covered such a wide spectrum of topics. I mean, obviously there was relationship questions, but then there was also, like, really serious questions with pretty intense implications.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Andy, can we play a couple clips maybe? So that People can get a feel for the show.

[Elizabeth Lame]

When I was grabbing clips, I wanted to get some that were random and fun, and this one jumped out.

Question is the following. I've been slightly in love with my friend for about five years. One problem is that I'm gay and he isn't. Or at least he says he isn't. There have been strange things in the past where he's definitely been half flirting with me, and some people have agreed that he seems to like me. I've told him how I feel in the past, and he's always very politely said, no, thank you, but then continues to initiate conversations with me, even though it sort of breaks my heart to have a friendship with him when I really want more. So that's the background. Here's my question. Oh, this is a good one. How ethical is it to possibly ask to pay him money just to hug me? Almost like a very vanilla version of prostitution. I would offer him around $150 to just hug me for an hour, talk to me while hugging. Nothing more. Nothing sexual, just that I'd be totally okay with killing the friendship. A likely scenario because it's difficult to have having to talk to him, and I don't enjoy just being friends with him. I really want to scratch that itch of having him in some way and any level of intimacy or company with him, even if just hugging is the most appealing thing in the world to me. My question is whether, if you were single, would you accept this proposition from a friend you've known for over five years and just how bad of an idea this might be if it goes wrong? On a similar note, do you guys have any advice on how to get over unrequited love?

This is a terrible idea. Yeah, well, it's a terrible idea.

I mean, I love this question.

It's one of the best questions, without a doubt.

Thank you for this.

A terrible idea.

First of all, I'm kind of confused. Does hugging scratch that itch? Hugging?

This guy just wants any piece of this guy, and I think he's probably hoping that it would escalate.

That's my thing is, would it just be hugging, or would you then just be. Wouldn't you be so sexually frustrated he.

Wants a hug for an hour? Can you imagine if a friend of yours. See, I don't even understand where they're at in this relationship, because I can't in all of my friends historically, imagine what it would be like if one of them was like, this is just gonna be a weird request. I got $150 burning a hole in my pocket. And I want nothing more. Nothing more than just to hug you for an hour. Would you do that for 150? Like that sounds.

The friendship is over if it's legitimately.

If the person's legitimately asking that, like the writer in her is proposing. I'm pretty freaked out, I think.

[Andy Rosen]

Well, right.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yes. So.

And why aren't they just hugging each other anyways?

Well, not for. He wants.

Not for an hour.

He wants cuddling. So my thing is if, like, a lesbian friend of mine who I've said no thank you to in the past is saying, can we just hug for an hour to me. And also, maybe you guys don't feel this way. Hugging is like, cuddling is extremely intimate. And I think for guys it's extremely intimate. And in a weird way, even more so than just fucking something. Right. Like, you got to really love someone to cuddle with them for an hour.

[Andy Rosen]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yeah.

I don't even get hour long cuddles.

Have we ever cuddled for an hour?

[Andy Rosen]

Well, maybe.

[Elizabeth Lame]

And actually, I'd like more cuddling.

No, I know I'm not good in.

The cuddle department, but I'd like some more, actually.

Yeah, I hear that. That's great. But just an hour.

Okay.

Is this question a joke?

What if this guy was like, the podcast has been sort of stale lately. I'd love to spice it up a little bit. No, I mean, listen, if you're okay with killing the friendship and this is a Hail Mary pass, go for it. But I'm gonna say, and please keep us posted.

We don't. You never know.

[Andy Rosen]

What a doozy.

[Monica Padman]

God, that. That's hard. I feel for that person who just wants to be touched.

[Andy Rosen]

I know. By that one person. Yeah, I mean, we all go through that, though. We've all had crushes that aren't reciprocated.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Andy Rosen]

I guess in some ways it's nice that he has the means to.

[Monica Padman]

He's very wealthy. He has one thing going for him. Sorry, we are totally off the rails, but this is a prime example of what your show did. Like, we are now talking about the question. It really made you think and deep dive on honestly, what it just means to be a person. Do we have any clips of maybe the more serious questions?

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yes, let's look at this one.

Okay. So my sister and I were raised by my mother. My father abandoned the family when I was very young. My mother was a dancer. To say that she pushed us is an understatement. She literally said on more than one occasion that the only reason anyone would care about us would be because we stayed pretty and danced well. That's a lot of pressure. Even as a little girl, I thought that was an evil shithead thing to say. But my point is that we didn't have the best role model. Now my sister in law says she's trying to spare her daughter from awkward teenage years by telling her to lose weight. Aww. She's a 15. She's 15. I'm just having flashbacks to when I was a teenager. We would have been screamed at if we gained five pounds. I think about how terrible it feels to have a mother like that and I'm more concerned about that than my niece's weight. My husband thinks I'm overly sensitive because of my upbringing. I know what a bad mother would do, but I really don't know what a good one should do in this situation. Any ideas? Health is important to me. I'll happily help my niece if she came to me for advice on her own. I'm just so scared about her relationship with her mother. Am I just being paranoid? Is it ever okay to step in and tell someone to lose weight? I really don't know. So what are our thoughts?

[Andy Rosen]

Hmm.

[Elizabeth Lame]

I'm trying to imagine if there is a scenario where it's appropriate.

Well, in this case, this 15 year old, her mother's concerned that she's a little overweight. So it doesn't sound like she's putting her health at serious risk.

Right.

I had chubby phases for sure and my mom definitely kind of put pressure on me, honestly. Has it gave me issues that then compounded and then turned into like me not being in tune with my body and it was all about restricting or binging or whatever.

Yeah, that's.

Yeah.

But if it more seems like this is something the mom comfortable with.

Yeah.

And not actually. I don't know though. I could see the mom being like, oh, this is gonna be a little bit harder for her because she's a few pounds overweight.

A. That's her own shit. I mean, yeah, maybe society would make it harder on her, but I guarantee you this girl would rather just have society being on her than society and her mother being hard on her. I mean that sounds like the whole like, oh, I'm fine with you being gay, but it's upsetting because everyone else is gonna be hard on you. Like, no, you're not really fine with.

But okay, okay, let's not use such extreme examples. Maybe.

Okay, let's.

Let's make it Something like this. Let's say the kid wanted to wear a police hat. We're talking. He's starting middle school at a new school.

Mm.

And his thing is he likes wearing his police hat.

[Andy Rosen]

Mm.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Every day.

Mm.

And you're. You know that, like, oh, things would be so much easier for our boy if he didn't. If he didn't show up in the police hat.

This is really, truly adorable because this just, like, goes to show the difference in what it feels like to be a guy who has never struggled with your weight as a girl already with a mother like that, I can tell you with 100% confidence that this girl feels the vast majority of her self worth is tied up in how she looks, and she feels like she's failing, and the person who loves her the most in the world is saying she's not good enough.

That. Okay, that totally makes sense to me. I was trying to boil it down to more the parent perspective of just the parent having the moment, like, oh, this will be hard for the kid. Or things could be easier if they. If this wasn't an issue. Do I say something? And I was trying to use an example.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Okay. That was small, right? Well, I mean, parents face all the time. Like a child who wants to wear, you know, clothing that's associated with the other gender.

Sure.

And, you know, these kids who are transgender or gender curious, like, have one of the highest suicide rates of any, you know, social group because they lack the support starting where they need to feel the most secure, which is at home. My point is, your kid is gonna be treated by society however she's gonna be treated. At the very least, you should be supportive. And, of course, I feel very sensitive to this issue.

Wow. Mom of the year.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. You did a great job.

[Elizabeth Lame]

I'm impressed that you knew gender curious 7 years ago or almost 10 years ago.

[Monica Padman]

I know you. You were ahead of the game.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yeah. You were ahead of the game where I'm talking about police hat analogies.

[Monica Padman]

And you sing. It's so adorable.

[Elizabeth Lame]

So patronizing.

I'm so adorable.

[Andy Rosen]

But to be fair, this question, it came to mind because it was about something that really hit home for me, which is body image issues.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Oh, yeah, we had tons of those.

[Andy Rosen]

The issues.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yeah.

[Andy Rosen]

Yeah. I mean, yes, I do. But this question got a lot of action in the comments section, which made me realize, you know, that sometimes our show actually did resonate a lot for especially women.

[Monica Padman]

That makes sense. And I bet you got a lot of. Did you get, like, A surge of self esteem when you gave that answer. Because that's, that's intense. Like, that's like really giving major life advice.

[Andy Rosen]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Oh, my gosh.

[Andy Rosen]

My ego was getting boosted left and right. Like, I was giving advice.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Our show was growing.

[Andy Rosen]

And as funny listening back to that because I remember that writer in her. She was a Norwegian listener.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Oh, that's right.

[Andy Rosen]

I was responding to all these emails. I started to develop relationships with some people.

[Libsyn Ads Representative]

Did you?

[Elizabeth Lame]

I mean, I know we're. We're revisiting a lot of this obviously, for what we're doing here. I didn't know to the depths of like you responding to people like you were so kind to respond to Monica and whatnot. What I've been wondering lately, revisiting this. You must have really liked that part of it. Or did you just feel like you needed to or somewhere in the middle of that?

[Andy Rosen]

I think something in the middle. I mean, particularly young women reaching out. And I would talk a lot about, you know, losing my parents and grief and body image issues and all of these things that I think I connected with other women on. I felt like an obligation in some ways. And also, I mean, ego comes into it, like feeling a little bit like I've got some answers or. And to be totally honest, I kind of needed an ego boost at that time. Like, I was. This was all I had. No, I mean, I obviously had you and our family and stuff, but, like, I have been trying so hard for so long to become a TV writer and it was a. It was a slog.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Andy Rosen]

And so having this and having people look up to me kind of felt good, I think.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yeah, I get that. I mean, we had this website that was bursting with comments too.

Yeah.

[Andy Rosen]

We had 4,000 pages of comments.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Andy Rosen]

Like, it became this community and listeners would connect.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Andy Rosen]

You know, and that probably felt really.

[Monica Padman]

Special as sort of the cult leader of. Of. I'm kidding. But also. But yes, like, oh, look, look, I'm bringing people together.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Yes.

[Monica Padman]

And yeah, I'm sure it did give a little bit of a boost of. I made this. I did this. It feels good.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Right.

[Andy Rosen]

I think it was really healing for me to speak to this stuff too, because I was processing I becoming a mother of. Of a daughter and son. I was processing a lot of my.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Own stuff and connecting with people that you, you realize were having the same issues as you.

[Andy Rosen]

Yeah. So we had like, serious things like that that generated comments and then we had just random, silly, kind of fun questions that were really our bread and butter. And this one we're about to play stood out regarding our comment section for reasons that will be self explanatory.

[Elizabeth Lame]

I love this question because I'm loving that a lot of these questions now are. My husband has a problem, and I was hoping for some listener feedback. So I guess we don't have to answer this. We can just hear what our listeners have to say.

You're really kind of insecure about that, aren't you?

Yeah, because I just know our advice is so stupid that people now are writing in, which I get it. Our listeners are all, like, smart and have great opinions.

That's the best thing about this podcast in your website.

I know.

Hilarious.

So everyone go log on to Totally. And go leave feedback. Okay, so my husband cannot pee in a stall slash urinal situation.

Oh, I got. I got some great advice.

He can pee in public places, but only if it is a private bathroom.

[Libsyn Ads Representative]

Yep.

[Elizabeth Lame]

I have had a couple tips over my lifetime handed down to me by some people. One is the bolt technique. And the bolt technique. My buddy Marcus in college told me about this. Basically, if you're looking at the urinal and the pipe, there's like that big bolt, and all you do is stare at that bolt and just say, bolts, bolts, bolts, bolts, over and over in your head. I'm not kidding. And I found that to be very effective. I use it to this day. And also, another advice from college, my roommate Christian, he would have a hard problem with that, and he would pull out his driver's license and read his driver's license.

[Andy Rosen]

But that's at a urinal when there.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Are other people that you got to be willing to, like, have people wonder what the hell is going on. But I recommend bolts, bolts, bolts. And when bolts, bolts, bolts, doesn't work for me, I wait for the stall. And I have no shame in waiting for the stall.

She's saying he'll only go if it's a private stall. Like, if it's a bathroom with a.

Door, he cannot pee in a stall slash urinal. I'm sorry. That whole bolts thing, hopefully that helped another listener.

Yeah, I'm sure it's not for nothing. Oh. So what's your advice here?

I don't know.

[Andy Rosen]

Yeah, I guess we'll leave it to our listeners.

[Elizabeth Lame]

She was wise. She was a wise woman.

[Monica Padman]

I love how Andy just lit up at the mention of a urinal.

[Andy Rosen]

It's really his area of expertise. So, yeah, those are three clips out of, you know, thousands that kind of give you a little tour of our show.

[Monica Padman]

And I should say all of this is incredibly relevant to Armchair for a few reasons. One, we have Armchair Anonymous where we talk to people and it's so fun and cool.

[Andy Rosen]

It's the best. Honestly, I love connecting with listeners. I mean, obviously I love connecting with listeners.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Not only that, though, like, so much amazing stuff came out of it, especially for, say, your career.

[Andy Rosen]

That's very true. Honestly, everything good in my career originally started with it because people I knew from the UCB theater, like June, Diane Rayfield, Casey Wilson, they got me to sell my very first pilot. Like, got me my first real riding job. And then Tammy Sager, who I met on the podcast. She had been a fan of the podcast. She got me to sell my second pilot.

[Elizabeth Lame]

And not only that, though. Yeah, let's not forget that's how we met you.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I know. It sounds like it was going so well.

[Andy Rosen]

It was.

[Monica Padman]

So then why did you suddenly stop?

[Elizabeth Lame]

We had something scary happen to us.

[Andy Rosen]

And it all started actually with an email from a listener with a question for totally married.

[Elizabeth Lame]

Do you see the email?

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God. The subject of the email is you may recognize my vagina.

[Elizabeth Lame]

If you don't want to wait for more Beth's Dead. You can binge the entire series today at patreon.com bethdead where all 10 episodes are available ad free right now. Beth's Dead is presented by armchair experts Monica Padman and nobody's listening, right. It is produced by Monica Padman, Elizabeth Lame and Andy Rosen. Additional engineering by Rob Hollis. Music by Andy Rosen.

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