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Andrea Gunning
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human what's up y'?
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Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts why
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Andrea Gunning
Get started@redfin.com own the dream hi, it's Andrea and we are re releasing some of our past weekly episodes and there's a good reason why. For the last year I have been working with ABC on turning some of your favorite episodes of Betrayal Weekly into a TV show. The show is called Betrayal, Secrets and Lies and it airs every Sunday at 10pm on ABC. This week we are re releasing Deb Proctor's story. You may have heard Deb's story before or you may be new to her story. A little bit about Deb. She is an incredible and beautiful spirit. If you talk to her, you know instantly she is just a genuine good person and a good friend, a true advocate. And in my conversations with Deb, sure we talked about her experience of betrayal in life, but what I really wanted to pick her brain about was golf. She's an avid golfer and you hear a little bit about that in the episode. I just started learning, so I even sent her videos of my swing. Why does this matter to betrayal? Well, for me, learning something new is to confront and push through failure. It's pushing through discomfort and self criticism. It's celebrating the small wins and it's about showing up. Deb has overcome so much in her life, from addiction to betrayal. And today I hope she is on a golf course somewhere celebrating how far she's come. If you have not heard this story, I won't give any more away. Hearing Deb's story is fascinating, but seeing it unfold is a whole new experience. So please be sure to check out Betrayal, Secrets and Lies on ABC and Hulu to see Deb and where her story takes place. Enjoy the episode.
Deb Proctor
It was a profound moment. It's the duality of oh my God, what in the world? Who is this cruel? Who can pull this off? Whose friends pull it off? How do you fabricate the details like that?
Andrea Gunning
I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything.
Deb Proctor
My real name is Deborah, but typically everyone calls me Deb.
Andrea Gunning
Deb Proctor grew up on the Cherokee Nation in Oklahoma. She recently retired from her role as the senior director of her tribe's domestic violence program, and before that she spent her entire career as a nurse after
Deb Proctor
being an RN for. Well, now it's been 48 and a half years.
Andrea Gunning
Like a lot of people in the medical profession, she developed a keen sense for when someone is lying.
Deb Proctor
When you mention bullshit detectors, I can spot them a football field away or further.
Andrea Gunning
Deb is Cherokee and proud of her Native American heritage.
Deb Proctor
My grandmother, who lived until she was 99 years old, she is actually our family's original enrollee, which means she is on the Dawes Roll.
Andrea Gunning
The Dawes Roll was a list compiled by the US government in the late 1800s and early 1900s. It named about 100,000 Native Americans who
Deb Proctor
were allotted land, which was pretty unusual to have an original Rowle in your life for most of it.
Andrea Gunning
Growing up, Deb's grandmother was a constant presence and a source of inspiration.
Deb Proctor
I think I got a lot of my proctor will and strength and courage from her. She was born before statehood, and she was still stacking her own wood when she was in her early 90s. She was a survivor of many, many situations in her life.
Andrea Gunning
Her grandmother experienced a lot of violence firsthand. Deb's father did, too. As a child, his own father was murdered in front of him.
Deb Proctor
Those life events are what gives the background and the experience to what we would call intergenerational trauma or historical trauma.
Andrea Gunning
She saw the impact of that on her family. There was alcoholism and emotional turmoil. And when she was young, Deb struggled to process it.
Deb Proctor
When you're a very sensitive nature child, your little heart's open and you're intuitive, you pick up that energy.
Andrea Gunning
From a young age, she experienced violence and abuse herself.
Deb Proctor
The violence I experienced, I truly am a heart. Know that it's as a result of those that could not heal.
Andrea Gunning
Deb believes her father's unresolved trauma led him to become a civil servant.
Deb Proctor
He taught me a lot about community service. He would be in his vehicle driving through the rural areas, seeing what the natives needed. And ultimately he was a councilman for our tribe, served many, many years.
Andrea Gunning
Deb grew up quickly in more ways than in fact. On her 16th birthday, her high school boyfriend surprised her.
Deb Proctor
They had a birthday party for me, and he asked me to marry him, and I accepted. That was the day I turned 16.
Andrea Gunning
But her engagement didn't distract her from prioritizing education. Her father insisted that she earn an advanced degree.
Deb Proctor
He was the one in the family who said, you must have an education. And so at age 17, I did start college, and I finished at 19 with my first RN degree. That was as a result of my
Andrea Gunning
dad pushing me before she even Had a chance to know herself. She was married and working as a full time nurse.
Deb Proctor
I mean, I'm running the hospital as a baby nurse. I'd probably turn 20, maybe 21 by then. It was tough, but I spent a good part of my energy on trying to achieve perfection.
Andrea Gunning
Deb and her husband shared a very similar upbringing.
Deb Proctor
He came from a violent background, very similar to mine. And so we just went together like peanut butter and jelly.
Andrea Gunning
They had two sons together. But a few years into marriage, her husband's behavior became a problem.
Deb Proctor
He struggled with drugs and drinking, and he had violent tendencies. It was really hard.
Andrea Gunning
She eventually left her husband and resolved to end the cycle of violence to make a safe and stable environment for her and her two sons.
Deb Proctor
And so for many years, I remained single and just spent time with myself and the boys. And so for the next few years after we divorced, I sought to understand. I bought books, I joined book clubs, anything on self understanding.
Andrea Gunning
She started going to therapy and joined support groups for families impacted by alcoholism. She was creating a better life for herself and for her sons. When her sons became teenagers, she looked
Deb Proctor
around and realized I did want a partner in life. You know, someone to enjoy life that I meant something to, that I mattered to.
Andrea Gunning
She was 41 and felt ready to explore a new partnership. So she made an online dating profile. This was 1997, back when online dating was a novel concept.
Deb Proctor
Yeah, this ain't bumble. This ain't. Yeah, this is none of that stuff.
Andrea Gunning
One man piqued her interest. His name was Jeff Walton.
Deb Proctor
His profile was just romantic. It was something like, I'm looking for my Guinevere.
Andrea Gunning
Jeff said he wanted to treat his next partner like a queen. Deb wrote him an email. He lived a couple states away in Kentucky. But their conversation flowed easily, and Deb quickly discovered they shared the same interests. They both loved golf. And Jeff wanted to hear more about Deb's Cherokee culture.
Deb Proctor
You know, the music, a spiritual journey. He loved the native American spiritual practices. And when I talked to him, I was just smitten with him.
Andrea Gunning
She looked forward to his phone calls and emails.
Deb Proctor
I saved all of that. I printed everything. I had a huge 3 inch purple binder with all of our exchanges.
Andrea Gunning
As they got closer, she got to know more about his backstory.
Deb Proctor
He was born in Alaska and moved to Canada.
Andrea Gunning
He was a dual citizen of Canada and the United States. And he had a complicated relationship with his biological family.
Deb Proctor
He didn't know his real dad. His stepdad was very violent. And he would share stories like, you know, his Stepdad murdered the family poodle in front of his sister and his mom and him. And, I mean, it was horrible stories.
Andrea Gunning
Deb had seen her share of violence as well. She understood what it was like. So they bonded over their difficult childhoods. Jeff's family was still in Canada, but they'd fallen out of touch. He moved to New Orleans as a young man, and along the way, he picked up the accent.
Deb Proctor
So when he would talk to me on the phone, he would have that, you know, dialect. He would say, hello, darlin. Yeah, I can't do it. But it was definitely New Orleans.
Andrea Gunning
Jeff's ex wife and adult son still lived in New Orleans, but after his divorce, he'd taken a job in Kentucky.
Deb Proctor
He was a project manager for a big construction company that, you know, worked on Toyota plants, that worked on the University of Kentucky that had done all this great work.
Andrea Gunning
Jeff was the kind of person who'd lived a million lives in one.
Deb Proctor
He just fascinated me. He was a pilot and played football for Woody Hayes at Ohio State and was phenomenal.
Andrea Gunning
Deb could really see herself with this guy.
Deb Proctor
We're going to embark upon this journey together. We love music, we love golf. We're both seekers. I just was so excited about meeting this man.
Andrea Gunning
After a year of talking, they decided to finally meet each other in person. Jeff flew to Oklahoma, and when he arrived at the airport, she was waiting for him with a gift.
Deb Proctor
I'd had a traditional healer, a medicine man, gone to him and asked him to bead a feather. There was a song by Robbie Robertson, and the name of it was Golden Feather. Give my love a golden feather and if you would look it up it's so that I never lose my way home. And I thought, what a beautiful expression of love for this new man in my life to give him a feather because he loves that Native American song so much. So I met him at the plane with that, and I said, here's so you can always find your way home.
Andrea Gunning
And Jeff had come with a surprise of his own.
Deb Proctor
As soon as he got off the plane and he was walking toward me, it seemed like his voice was shaking. And he said, you will marry me, won't you? You're going to marry me, right? You are marrying me, right?
Andrea Gunning
That was Jeff's marriage proposal.
Deb Proctor
And I was like, well, of course. Of course, yes.
Andrea Gunning
The weekend could not have gone better. Jeff wanted to get to know her world.
Deb Proctor
You know, I drove around, showing the rural area my history, some of the culture where I worked. We went out to my golf course. I introduced him To a lot of my friends, met the family. It was just a really good weekend. I just loved him. Just loved him.
Andrea Gunning
They started making arrangements for him to move to Oklahoma.
Deb Proctor
And I'm a planner and an organizer in every aspect of my life. So, shoot. The next thing you know, I'm getting busy. I'm helping him find jobs. He's getting his resume. And of course, we're still using faxes then. And he would send things, and I would write cover letters for him to help him get relocated.
Andrea Gunning
A few months later, Jeff moved in. They spent the next year planning a small family wedding in the Ozarks.
Deb Proctor
We married on April 23, 2000.
Andrea Gunning
It was the anniversary of the day they met in person. Deb's youngest son walked her down the aisle, and Jeff's son, little Jeff, flew in to support his dad. It was a true merging of their lives.
Deb Proctor
I really thought it was meant to be.
Andrea Gunning
They planned their first trip together as newlyweds. A golf trip with Deb's group of friends. Deb had been golfing for her entire life. Every year, she and her friends traveled the country to play. Jeff was eager to join. He'd been an avid golfer when he was younger, but he hadn't played in years.
Deb Proctor
So he lost his golf clubs. Well, heck, you know, I gotta go buying golf clubs, you know, because he's gotta have golf clubs if we're gonna play. So then he needed lessons because he just hadn't got to play in a while, he said needed to brush up.
Andrea Gunning
But on their first golf trip with
Deb Proctor
her friends, once we got all the scores in and everything, the winner was him. And I was like, well, golly, great job.
Andrea Gunning
But Deb's friends were standoffish with Jeff about his win. And one of her friends was quick
Deb Proctor
to point out, a real golfer is not going to leave their clubs behind. It doesn't make sense.
Andrea Gunning
Her friends had never acted like this before. She didn't know what happened, and neither did Jeff. But after that, they weren't invited on any more golf trips.
Deb Proctor
I felt like everybody was mistreating him.
Andrea Gunning
A year into their marriage, Jeff was still struggling to find the right job in Oklahoma. One day, when Deb was helping him with an application, well, I found an
Deb Proctor
old resume, and on this particular resume, it says vietnam veteran. I was like, my God.
Andrea Gunning
He'd never told her he was a veteran. But Deb had a lot of experience with the va. While getting her advanced nursing degree, she worked on a program at the VA that specifically studied Vietnam veterans with ptsd.
Deb Proctor
I'm like, you never told me you were a veteran. You never told me you were in the Vietnam War. That is a significant event in life. I was flabbergasted. It had never come up. And he said, well, I don't like to talk about it, Deb. I use it on my resumes because, you know, that ought to tell you something. I was like, but you should have told me. I should never have found out here.
Andrea Gunning
Deb felt like he needed to talk about it, even if he didn't want to. She'd had firsthand experience with veterans and ptsd.
Deb Proctor
And so over the course of time he began to tell me what happened. It was an elaborate story, intricate details.
Andrea Gunning
As an 18 year old, he'd been in the Special Forces in Vietnam. One night he caught his senior officers using drugs. Fearing he would turn them in, the officers allowed Jeff to be captured. He was held as a prisoner of war, and for months he was tortured.
Deb Proctor
And they busted his feet with the butt of a gun so that he couldn't walk. But he got out and he escaped. And he made it back to the US Forces by following the path of a stream. And it was so difficult because his feet were busted up.
Andrea Gunning
He was taken to a veterans hospital.
Deb Proctor
He had to have metal put in his feet because they were broken. And if we flew anywhere, it would trigger the metal alarms as you go in.
Andrea Gunning
He recovered physically and was discharged, but psychologically he was scarred.
Deb Proctor
The trauma was so bad, he said it was just so awful that sometimes he would just get in the closet and he would just high.
Andrea Gunning
Deb was worried about his mental health, especially because his support system was thin. He was in a new place and wasn't in touch with his biological family. So Deb was happy when his siblings reached out to reconnect. They invited him back to Canada.
Deb Proctor
His siblings had said that his mother's 80th birthday party was coming up and they wanted him to come. And he talked to me about it and I said, well, we've got to. I've never met any of your family. And absolutely,
Andrea Gunning
a few months later, they flew to Alberta to meet his family. They hadn't seen Jeff in decades. They were elated to welcome him home. And Deb never thought she'd get the chance to meet his siblings.
Deb Proctor
I finally got to meet his family. I was just so excited to be there and to meet them and, you know, at one of the brothers houses, we might play games and just chat and get to know each other.
Andrea Gunning
Deb fit right in.
Deb Proctor
We didn't have any serious meaningful conversations about life or anything. We were just doing a friendly, cordial meet the family thing. He was upbeat. Everyone was upbeat. It was a good trip.
Andrea Gunning
It was a good trip. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Deb didn't know it at the time, but everyone there was in on a secret. Everyone except for her. Her husband Jeff wasn't who he said he was. In fact, everyone in his family knew Jeff by a different name.
Deb Proctor
Come to find out, he met his siblings and the door and told him I'm going by Jeff Walton now. I'll tell you later.
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Andrea Gunning
payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available taxes and fe seeful termsintmobile.com Deb and her husband went to Canada to reconnect with his estranged family, and to her surprise, the trip was a success. Meeting his family brought the two of them closer. But one day after they returned from their trip, Jeff collapsed on the golf
Deb Proctor
course and a friend of ours found him setting up against a tree and wanted him to let him take him into the hospital and he said, no, just take me to my car. And so he did that. He got in his car and he drove home.
Andrea Gunning
Deb met him at their house and forced him to go to the hospital. Jeff had suffered a major heart attack. It would require ongoing care, but Jeff still hadn't nailed down a steady job, so the couple now needed help covering his medical expenses. Deb had worked at the VA years ago and insisted it was their best
Deb Proctor
resource and he absolutely said, I will not go. I don't trust the government, I'm not going. And I said, well that's bullshit. We're going broke. We've got to get your health care.
Andrea Gunning
That's when Jeff explained the VA what didn't take him.
Deb Proctor
He said, they don't even have a list of me because I was dishonorably discharged because I reported the officers. They won't even have me on. Well, anything to do with the va. And I said that's bullshit. You were A soldier. You were captured. And he said, I won't go. He got up and he never talked about it again. In that moment, I was like, that is weird.
Andrea Gunning
His explanation just didn't add up. Deb even considered hiring someone to look into Jeff's background.
Deb Proctor
I wonder if I need to get a private investigator or something. And I logged on to the Internet. And then I was like, God, I don't have any money to get a private detective.
Andrea Gunning
She didn't have the money or the time to hire a PI. Shortly after Jeff's heart attack, he had a stroke. Then his memory began to falter. All the while he was refusing to go to the va. It financially strained the family and Deb was at a loss.
Deb Proctor
I had begun to say, I do not know what is wrong with my life. How am I going to get this guy health care? He's got to have health care.
Andrea Gunning
Deb was his primary caretaker on top of her full time nursing job. It was overwhelming.
Deb Proctor
I began to drink and then I drank heavily and then it was uncontrollably.
Andrea Gunning
Alcohol became an escape from her marriage and its problems.
Deb Proctor
When I started drinking, I didn't have to be confused anymore because my brain was numb.
Andrea Gunning
Deb had spent so many years taking care of other people that she neglected
Deb Proctor
herself as the person that was going to Al Anon from the mid-80s. Taking family, taking co workers, taking friends to AANA rehab. I was taking everybody to get help but myself had, I guess, reached just a hard stop where I could deal with it.
Andrea Gunning
Deb had just turned 50 and had been with Jeff for a decade. But life with him was becoming harder year after year. At first he failed to bring in a steady income. Then when he became sick, he refused resources for affordable health care. Deb turned to booze for the stress. But one day after a long night of drinking, she found herself too shaky to put the golf ball on the tee. She checked herself into a 30 day rehab.
Deb Proctor
Best move I ever made. I'm not going to tell you it was pretty, it was ugly. But there's always been a driving force within me to rise above.
Andrea Gunning
Being alone in rehab gave her a lot of clarity. And with that clarity came questions specifically about Jeff. When she left rehab, she looked at Jeff's behavior with a new set of eyes.
Deb Proctor
I began to really observe. He was strange. Something was not right. Not right.
Andrea Gunning
She wasn't ready to leave the marriage. Her focus was on her new sobriety. But she did come up with a plan to get some answers out of Jeff. She gave him an assignment And I
Deb Proctor
began to say to him, jeff, every day while I'm at work, I want you to work on your life story, because I don't understand it. You told me you were born in Alaska and you moved to Canada, but I don't know where you even went to school. I don't even know when you moved to Canada. If something happens, I'm going to be honest with you, I can't even write an obituary.
Andrea Gunning
She thought it would be a good exercise for both of them, and she hoped it could help her understand why he was the way he was.
Deb Proctor
And so every day I would come home and I would go, well, share your story with me. Well, I couldn't work on it today.
Andrea Gunning
After his stroke, Jeff's memory was worse than ever.
Deb Proctor
He began to claim that he just didn't have much of a memory. But the neurologist at the time of his stroke had already advised me that the stroke was not going to impact his memory. Then he wanted me to get him checked for possible early dementia.
Andrea Gunning
He needed more care than she could provide at home. So she applied for him to be in a funded outpatient care facility, and he was accepted.
Deb Proctor
It's a wonderful program that where you stay in your home, but they basically have a center that's open during the day, and there's activities and transportation. There's clinic on site, everything that you could need. And if you need something outside, they'll take you.
Andrea Gunning
He started going to the center every day.
Deb Proctor
That was until the program called me and they said, have you talked to Jeff? Because nobody can find him. He's gone.
Andrea Gunning
Deb was at work. She didn't know where he was. With his memory issues, she worried he could have gotten lost. So they called the police.
Deb Proctor
Come to find out he had left the group and the care team to go to the bank.
Andrea Gunning
When Deb got there, Jeff seemed confused about what was happening. The whole situation confirmed that he really needed this facility. His memory must be worse than she thought. But shortly after Jeff's incident at the bank, Deb received another phone call. Only this one would change her life forever.
Deb Proctor
It was a number I didn't recognizing. I typically didn't pick those up in my office.
Andrea Gunning
It was an international call. But Deb had a strange feeling when she picked up. There was a police officer on the other line.
Deb Proctor
And I was like, what is this about?
Andrea Gunning
The officer was Canadian and he was investigating a cold case from 30 years ago.
Deb Proctor
That's when he began to say that they were looking for Ron Stan, and they had believe that they've tracked him down through social media, but Deb didn't
Andrea Gunning
know a Ron Stan. The officer continued explaining that Canadian police had been looking for a man named Ron stan for over 30 years. He disappeared during a fire.
Deb Proctor
There was a fire in his barn at night and initially he was presumed to have been in that fire and he had left a wife, an infant and another child.
Andrea Gunning
Deb's blood ran cold. She knew what the officer was about to say before he said it. The man she was married to, who she knew as Jeff Walton, was actually
Deb Proctor
the complete fraud he was wrong. Stand to this missing person.
Andrea Gunning
Here's the thing about Ron Stan. He was originally declared dead, but in reality he'd been on the run ever since that barn fire.
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Andrea Gunning
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painful thoughts why did I search the Internet for answers to my cold sore problem? Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history, but I can never unsee that.
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Andrea Gunning
Eleven years into her marriage, Deb Proctor got a phone call out of the blue from a Canadian police officer. They were looking for Ron Stan, a Canadian man who'd been missing and later declared dead after an arson fire in 1977. And they believed they'd found him in the United States. He was hiding out in a rural part of the Cherokee Nation, using the name Jeff Walton. When the police explained this to Deb,
Deb Proctor
initially I thought it was perhaps just a cruel joke.
Andrea Gunning
So she asked the officer for proof, for details.
Deb Proctor
The more I pushed for dates, times, names, locations, the more I realized, oh, ugh.
Andrea Gunning
She didn't say much on the phone. She just listened, writing down everything the
Deb Proctor
police told her, every detail, dates, times, information. I still have that note pad.
Andrea Gunning
Canadian officials wanted to speak to Jeff or Ron directly. Deb explained that he was in a care facility during the day because of his memory problems. She confirmed their home address, thanked the officer, and hung up the phone in disbelief.
Deb Proctor
I was sitting there when there was a nurse that looked at me from office door and she said, are you okay? I remember saying, I don't know. I've just had the most bizarre phone call. So I went to talk to my director of nursing and she said, get out of here. What in the world?
Andrea Gunning
She debated whether this phone call was real, if the person on the phone was even a police officer. A co worker who was afraid for Deb suggested another possibility.
Deb Proctor
He probably is in witness protection and you just blew it, so you're probably not safe, nor is he. And they said, we'll go with you to the Cherokee Nation marshals and we will get to the bottom of this.
Andrea Gunning
So Deb went straight there. She wanted to know if the call she'd received was real or if Jeff could be in witness protection. An investigator took Deb's concerns seriously and started making calls.
Deb Proctor
I gave her the cell number, the badge number, and everything from the officer that called. And she did call, and she confirmed every last detail.
Andrea Gunning
She verified that Jeff Walton didn't exist. Her husband of 11 years was a missing person, a man named Ronald Stan, who'd faked his death in an arson fire and had been on the run for 30 years.
Deb Proctor
I was just heart sick, gut sick, heart sick. My whole body responded, and all I could think of was, who are you? How could you do this?
Andrea Gunning
When Ronald Stan disappeared from his farm in rural Ontario in 1977, he abandoned his wife and two young sons in order to escape. He had lit his barn on fire, killing all the animals. His family watched the blaze, helpless, fearing that Ron was trapped inside that poor
Deb Proctor
wife and those two sons that he walked away from in this barn fire in the middle of the night. What horror, what pain, what trauma that they must have endured, thinking that they were watching him burn up in front of their eyes.
Andrea Gunning
Why he'd faked his death. Deb wouldn't find out until much later. In that moment, she just knew she couldn't go home, not to the house she shared with him. He was a criminal, a fraud, a total stranger. So the Cherokee marshals helped her come up with an immediate plan.
Deb Proctor
Go to an attorney, go the bank, and get protection. So that's what I did.
Andrea Gunning
She made an appointment with a divorce attorney for the following day, and a friend offered to let Deb stay at her place while she figured out her next move.
Deb Proctor
I just was in a state of robot, just trying to put one foot in front of the other and then formulate a plan on how to tell the family.
Andrea Gunning
She met with her sons to break the news, and with all of their support, she called Jeff's son, the one who he'd had in America after he went on the run. After all, he was the only child Deb knew about.
Deb Proctor
I loved that boy. He was my son, too, you know, he was a third son. So my heart hurt for him, just like it did for my boys to tell him.
Andrea Gunning
Everyone in the family called him Little Jeff. He was named after his father, or rather his father's alias.
Deb Proctor
And his response was, you know, silent initially, as you can imagine, and then just struggling. We both needed some time to just deal.
Andrea Gunning
The one person she didn't want to speak with was Jeff.
Deb Proctor
I really did not have any communication with him whatsoever. I just had nothing to say.
Andrea Gunning
When the authorities finally got ahold of Jeff, they questioned him and asked to see his proof of identity.
Deb Proctor
He admitted to everything.
Andrea Gunning
In fact, he seemed amused. He made a joke to police officers, asking what took them so long because the arson had happened so long ago, the statute of limitations had expired in Canada and authorities in the US couldn't charge him either.
Deb Proctor
There was no charges to be made here. You know, he's a scam, but there's no charges that I could file.
Andrea Gunning
The only legal action Deb could take was filing for divorce.
Deb Proctor
The domestic violence service of the tribe helped me and just took the papers. And when they served in the papers, he just signed it. He didn't even question it.
Andrea Gunning
The news caught wind of the story and it was a media frenzy.
Deb Proctor
Media showed up. Some Canada, some Oklahoma, some the uk. I just didn't have any peace. I could rarely go home. My phone rang constantly. I was just completely overwhelmed.
Andrea Gunning
Deb's niece drafted a statement to send to the press on her behalf. And Deb kept tabs on the news. That's how she learned Jeff's real life story, the one he claimed he couldn't remember. A journalist with the Toronto Star had been reporting on it through their investigation. Investigation, they uncovered a possible motivation for why he faked his death.
Deb Proctor
Evidently, he was messing with young college girls and he was getting ready to get in trouble.
Andrea Gunning
At the time of the arson, Ron was working at a college in Canada. He was having a relationship with a local girl who was much younger. The day he went missing, it seemed this information was about to be revealed. It's not clear how old the girl was, but the threat of being discovered prompted him to go on the run for three decades. Deb also learned how he pulled it off.
Deb Proctor
When he left Canada in the fire and came to New Orleans, he said, I've got to find a woman with money.
Andrea Gunning
He did. In fact, he had two other marriages he'd never told Deb about. And after he found a woman with money, he needed papers to validate his new identity.
Deb Proctor
He got a Social Security from somebody that had died in the 70s, a girl. So he took over her Social Security.
Andrea Gunning
He used his stolen identity to find work and even collect Social Security benefits.
Deb Proctor
That's how he worked in the decades that he came to the United States. He used this Social Security and false name. I don't know how anybody pulls this off. It's so elaborate.
Andrea Gunning
When the story broke, Jeff himself spoke to the media about how and why he faked his death. And he seemed to revel in it.
Deb Proctor
He sought that attention. He wanted to be a star.
Andrea Gunning
He said he chose the name Jeff because it was the name of his infant son he abandoned in Canada. And the last name Walton was inspired by the TV show the Waltons. It sounded like a classic American last name. As for the documents he used to marry Deb, they appeared to be forged.
Deb Proctor
I had seen his birth certificate, and I still have it. But when you look, there are things that have been changed, like the arson.
Andrea Gunning
Too much time had passed for him to be charged in the US with identity fraud. And what about his elaborate stories, like being a prisoner of war in Vietnam?
Deb Proctor
It's all made up.
Andrea Gunning
That's why he was so resistant to using the va. He never fought in the Vietnam War. He wasn't even an American citizen. The POW story, well, he ripped those details straight out of a movie called Platoon, starring Charlie Sheen and his football coach career at Ohio State with Woody Hayes.
Deb Proctor
There was never anybody that played football for Woody Hayes by his name, ever.
Andrea Gunning
Deb was left wondering if anything he'd ever told her was true. Today she doubts if he'd even swung a golf club before she met him. After all his lies were exposed, one of Deb's friends finally came clean about something. Remember the golf trip where Deb's friends iced them out? Well, back then, the group had discovered
Deb Proctor
that he cheated all day. He never counts his strokes, and when he was out of bounds, he never counted it.
Andrea Gunning
He cheated and basically stole a pot of money from Deb's friends. That's why they were never invited to play with the group again. Even his memory issues were a lie. When he talked to the press after the fact that, he seemed to remember every detail just fine. So what was really going on that day? When he went missing from the facility and was found at the bank, Deb suspects he was planning an escape. She also wonders if he targeted her because she lives in a rural part of the Cherokee Nation.
Deb Proctor
It's very possible because look, this is rural. This is a dead end road. Maybe he did things. Hey, I can get out in the woods in rural Oklahoma and continue to hide.
Andrea Gunning
One of the most baffling aspects of his deception is that visit to Canada a few years into their marriage. Back then, the reunion seemed completely normal. But behind the scenes, Jeff had asked all of his family members to use his new name instead of calling him Ron. They said they were so happy to see him again that they obliged.
Deb Proctor
They did it because they'd lost him once and they didn't want to lose him again. I think they were just so happy to have him back in their lives.
Andrea Gunning
There's clearly so much more to his family dynamics than she'll ever know. It still doesn't sit right with her.
Deb Proctor
What makes it okay that you support this kind of deception?
Andrea Gunning
In the beginning, she didn't even know how to refer to him, what name to call him by, whether to call him Ron or Jeff.
Deb Proctor
But I had a really dear friend. She nicknamed him ref. And so for a while, when I referred to him, it was ref. But now I usually just say Jeff.
Andrea Gunning
In the weeks after his double life was revealed, Deb was emotionally destroyed. It all happened in her first year of sobriety. Jeff moved back to New Orleans with his son and Deb was left alone in the house they shared.
Deb Proctor
I just remember it was a profound moment. It's the duality of, oh my God, what in the world? Along with, you have to live, you have to deal with this and go on. And I remember just laying in the forest, just face down and just sobbing and saying, my God, how does another human do this to a human in the guise of love?
Andrea Gunning
In that moment, she couldn't get up. It felt like her world had ended.
Deb Proctor
I just had so much pain and confusion. I got on my knees, I leaned into a chair and I just kept praying and asking for help. And just, if you can get me on my feet, I will go forward. I will keep my sobriety. I promise. I promise. I made a commitment to live life, to help others, to be the best person I can, to be loving, kind. I mean, those were the things I'd always been. But I was not going to let this make me harsh and hateful.
Andrea Gunning
In the throes of despair, she gained vivid clarity.
Deb Proctor
You know, we often talk of spiritual awakenings. I feel like I've had a few in my life, but that was profound, profound. And when I stood up, you know, I was still crying, but I wasn't suffering as much. I didn't feel the pain as deep at the betrayal or shock. And I knew that when I stood up that it was something greater than me. It said, get up, you got work to do. Go on.
Andrea Gunning
She got up that day and she stayed on her feet ever since.
Deb Proctor
I made a commitment to do that in that moment. And I've never turned back and I've never tried to rewrite the story. And I don't want to live in bitterness. I still wanted to be open hearted and help others. And that's what set the tone for the years to where we are today.
Andrea Gunning
She's now 11 years sober.
Deb Proctor
I maintain sobriety. I was dedicated to my meetings and I was dedicated to the spiritual journey and dealing with my loss and grief and shock.
Andrea Gunning
She took on a leadership role in her tribe as director of a program providing resources and support to victims of domestic violence.
Deb Proctor
I would say you still gotta stay working on your emotional health because it's a tough service. What I know for sure is that we can't help others adequately or appropriately if we haven't began our own work to heal. I feel like I'm more effective in these last years because of all the work I've done.
Andrea Gunning
In 2019, she got a call from Jeff's son. Jeff had passed away.
Deb Proctor
It was a sense of relief, but also all the emotions that flood into that moment you just have to hold.
Andrea Gunning
In the last few years, her life has taken an unexpected turn.
Deb Proctor
I just recently married on September 7th and I never saw it coming. Both of us are nevers and it was the most beautiful wedding. Outdoors overlooking the lake. It was just beautiful, romantic, just wonderful.
Andrea Gunning
After all, she did make a commitment to being open hearted. Her new husband meets her at her level and he's put in the work too.
Deb Proctor
He is also sober him 40 something years. Both of us love golf. Both of us love music. It's just a blessing for us both. We feel so grateful. It's too bad we're meeting each other at 70 and 67, but here we are.
Andrea Gunning
We end all of our weekly episodes with the same question. Why did you want to share your story?
Deb Proctor
If my story could help others identify lies from their partner earlier, that's one part. The real part is we can heal and we can have a good life and we can live well. The trauma and the pain and the suffering and the sorrow. We have the potential to just be an amazing human on the other side. Leave your heart open. Love others, help others, learn boundaries. Set limits.
Andrea Gunning
On the next episode of Betrayal. My mom was the first one to be like, does this seem off at all to you? It was really the first time someone like said something that made me think,
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what do you mean off? Like I had never considered doubting it.
Andrea Gunning
If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal team or want to tell us your betrayal story, email us@betrayalpodmail.com that's betrayal peace. We're grateful for your support. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A Big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group, in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison, hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Laborde. Also produced by Ben Federman. Associate producers are Kristin Melchiori and Caitlin Golden. Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krynczyk. Audio editing and mixing by Matt d' Alvecchio Additional editing support from Tanner Robbins. Betrayals theme composed by Oliver Baines Music Library provided by By My Music and for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Deb Proctor
Just make sure we protect each other
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Andrea Gunning
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Andrea Gunning
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Podcast: Betrayal (iHeartPodcasts | Glass Podcasts)
Episode: "Deb" (also featured on ABC's Betrayal: Secrets and Lies)
Airdate: May 18, 2026
This episode tells the remarkable and harrowing real-life story of Deb Proctor, a Cherokee Nation nurse and advocate, who unwittingly married a man hiding a decades-old secret. What begins as a tale of love and connection unravels into a saga of deception, identity fraud, and emotional fallout. The episode explores themes of trauma, trust, recovery, and resilience, challenging the myth of the “perfect victim” and demonstrating the complexities of betrayal and healing.
Quote to Remember:
"We have the potential to just be an amazing human on the other side. Leave your heart open. Love others, help others, learn boundaries. Set limits." (54:01, Deb)
For more stories like Deb’s and ongoing discussions about resilience, join the Betrayal community on Substack and connect with the show’s producers.