EP 14 - Lorena

Summary

Betrayal: Weekly – Episode 14: Lorena

Introduction

In this compelling episode of Betrayal: Weekly, hosted by Andrea Gunning, we delve into the harrowing true story of Lorena, a Midwestern mother who navigated the tumultuous waters of trust, deception, and ultimate resilience. Lorena's journey from a strong, independent single mother to an individual entangled in a web of betrayal serves as a cautionary tale about the complexities of human relationships and the insidious nature of manipulation.

Early Life and Background

Lorena's story begins with her upbringing in a conservative Baptist community, where large families were the norm. Raised by a single mother who worked in a hospital, Lorena frequently moved during her childhood, fostering a longing for stability and the traditional "nuclear family" she admired.

“I really, really wanted the nuclear family. I really wanted, well, look, it's the mom and it's the dad and it's some kids.” ([04:34] Lorena)

Her aspirations initially aimed towards a career in medicine, inspired by accompanying her mother to the hospital and dreaming of working with premature babies.

“I wanted to be a doctor. I actually wanted to be a neonatologist.” ([05:04] Lorena)

However, adolescence brought challenges. At 16, feeling neglected by her mother, Lorena ran away home, leading to a series of stints in drug treatment centers. These experiences, though brief and ultimately unnecessary for substance abuse, left her grappling with feelings of confinement and isolation.

Meeting Peter

At 18, Lorena moved out of state with her boyfriend, only to discover her first pregnancy shortly after. Determined to build a life on her own terms, she pursued higher education, excelling academically despite the demands of single motherhood.

While studying business, Lorena met Peter, a strikingly handsome and intellectually gifted classmate. Their connection was immediate and intense, evolving rapidly from study partners to inseparable companions.

“He asks me if I want to study and I'm like, he is setting the standard on all the tests and he's wanting to study with me. And I'm like, yeah, I love that. And so we make plans and when he comes over, we don't study.” ([08:00] Lorena)

Peter's charisma and intelligence provided Lorena with a sense of being seen and heard, a stark contrast to her previous relationships. Their swift progression culminated in Peter proposing marriage to secure the future for their soon-to-be-born child.

“He picked me up, put me on the counter and looked in my eyes and said, please, please, will you marry me? I don't want our child to not have a father. And I was like, yeah. Yes, I.” ([10:15] Lorena)

Building the Family

Their marriage quickly expanded with the adoption of Lorena's two younger children and the birth of additional siblings, bringing their family to a total of nine children. Lorena embraced her role as a full-time mother, while Peter pursued an MBA from a prestigious Ivy League institution, further solidifying their appearances of success and stability.

“I'm so happy to be at home with my kids because I haven't ever had this opportunity to just be a full-time mom.” ([11:13] Lorena)

Upon Peter's graduation, the family relocated back to their home state, where Peter secured a lucrative position with a major energy company. Their return marked the beginning of their deepened involvement with the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), a conservative fundamentalist organization.

Involvement with IBLP Church

IBLP, known for its strict adherence to patriarchal norms and promotion of large families, became the family's central hub. Lorena and Peter embraced the church's teachings, which emphasized rigid gender roles and the importance of expanding their family under the guise of divine providence.

“We believe in letting the Lord give us as many kids as we want. That's what we're going to do.” ([12:38] Lorena)

This involvement brought about significant changes in their daily lives, including strict dress codes and rigid household structures designed to reinforce control and obedience.

“Women cannot be over men. Men are the umbrella of protection the women were there to make the food and to keep the kids quiet.” ([15:21] Lorena)

Signs of Deception

Despite the outward appearance of a harmonious family, subtle cracks began to appear. Lorena noticed Peter's lack of involvement in childcare and an increasing reliance on rigid financial structures that alienated her from their household finances.

“I thought that the church was going to help him to be a better husband and a better father. Instead, it helped him hide things better.” ([16:37] Lorena)

The first red flag came one night when Peter inadvertently called Lorena "Crystal," a name she had never heard before.

“I was like what did you just call me? Who's Crystal?” ([16:52] Lorena)

Although Peter dismissed the slip by attributing it to sleep deprivation, Lorena began to sense that something was amiss.

Discovery of Betrayal

The turning point came during a church conference in 2015, where Lorena attended alongside her large family. Amidst the event, she came across information related to Ashley Madison, an online platform known for facilitating extramarital affairs. This prompted her to investigate her husband's online presence.

“Mrs. Duggar was talking about how you could go onto some website and look up people's email addresses. And something just clicked in me.” ([26:15] Lorena)

Lorena discovered that Peter had an Ashley Madison account and began to uncover a hidden side of his life, including excessive spending on sex toys and adult-themed purchases.

“Like, oh, my word, what is this? Adult baby bottles, adult bibs, adult onesies.” ([35:44] Lorena)

Further investigation revealed a pattern of deception, including financial mismanagement and interactions with multiple women under pseudonyms like "Princess Buttercup" and "Baby Bear."

“We found the real Ashley Madison account that he had. We found pictures of so many women in various states of undress.” ([37:59] Lorena)

Confrontation and Divorce

Armed with evidence, Lorena sought legal counsel to initiate divorce proceedings. Her eldest son assisted in gathering additional proof, including financial documents and digital communications, solidifying the case against Peter.

“He was working at several different universities as an adjunct professor. So he's making money there and he's hiding it.” ([40:20] Lorena)

In a decisive move, Lorena's son removed the family's firearms to ensure safety before confronting Peter. This confrontation led to Peter's immediate departure from the household.

“He sat up slowly, yawned and stretched big and said, okay. And my son said, please leave. And he said, okay. And he left.” ([41:14] Lorena)

Lorena formally filed for divorce, severing all communication with Peter and beginning the arduous process of rebuilding her life.

“I don't remember all the nonsense he tried to say, but what he did tell me was, what you are doing is far worse than anything I ever did. What I did, what I was doing was divorcing him. I just laughed. I was like, okay, and we're done.” ([41:58] Lorena)

Aftermath and Recovery

The aftermath of the divorce was both emotionally and financially taxing. Lorena faced the monumental task of explaining the situation to her eleven children, all while managing the responsibilities of a large family single-handedly.

“People do ask, how does a capable, intelligent person go from, hey, I'm a single mom and I'm killing it. I'm full-time mom. I'm full-time student, I'm full-time employee. How does someone go from that to, I'm not allowed to look at the financial statements of the house?” ([47:26] Lorena)

Therapy played a crucial role in Lorena's healing process, helping her recognize the spiritual and emotional abuse she endured through both the church and Peter's manipulative tactics.

“I'm now going, what else have I been told that's not right? This whole patriarchy thing. How is any of this at all biblical? What's real and what's not real?” ([44:01] Lorena)

Lorena's journey also involved distancing herself from the church's influence, reassessing her spirituality, and reclaiming her identity that had been eroded by years of control and deception.

“I look back and I can see Peter used that to keep me under control, to keep me where he wanted me and keep me behaving in the way he wanted.” ([45:25] Lorena)

Lessons and Conclusions

Lorena's story underscores the nuanced forms betrayal can take, particularly when intertwined with ideological indoctrination and manipulation. Her ability to recognize the deception, aided by her son's support and her own resilience, highlights the importance of self-awareness and the strength found in rebuilding one's life after profound betrayal.

“The reason I wanted to tell my story is so that others who are out there in a similar situation might have their eyes opened and go, wow. If she can do it with 11 kids, seven still at home, and with all the odds stacked against her, so can I.” ([48:31] Lorena)

Lorena emphasizes that betrayal and manipulation can happen to anyone, but with support and determination, recovery and empowerment are attainable.

“It is never too late to start over and find who you are. That's my hope.” ([48:31] Lorena)

Conclusion

Episode 14 of Betrayal: Weekly masterfully portrays Lorena's descent into deception and her subsequent journey towards healing. Through detailed narration and poignant quotes, listeners gain an intimate understanding of the challenges faced by individuals entangled in complex betrayals. Lorena's story serves as both a warning and an inspiration, illustrating the profound impact of trust and the resilience of the human spirit.

For those who have not listened to the episode, Lorena's experience offers valuable insights into the dynamics of control, the importance of financial and emotional independence, and the relentless pursuit of truth in the face of overwhelming odds.

Notable Quotes:

• “I really, really wanted the nuclear family. I really wanted, well, look, it's the mom and it's the dad and it's some kids.” — [04:34] Lorena

• “I can squeeze blood from a turnip. Okay, I can show you how.” — [25:13] Lorena

• “He made me feel seen and heard. He made me feel like I was the smart one.” — [09:03] Lorena

• “I find out that he lied to me. He's 35. I find his driver's license. 35, that's a lot of age difference.” — [06:37] Lorena

• “I think it was spiritual abuse.” — [44:42] Lorena

Final Thoughts

Lorena's narrative is a testament to the enduring human capacity to overcome betrayal and emerge stronger. Her willingness to share her story aims to empower others facing similar struggles, reminding them that it is never too late to reclaim their lives and identities.

For more stories like Lorena's, subscribe to Betrayal: Weekly on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, or your preferred podcast platform. Share your own experiences or reach out to the Betrayal Team at betrayalpodmail.com to be featured in future episodes.

Transcript

[Andrea Gunning]

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[Lorena]

You can call me Detective Alex Cross.

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Based on characters created by James Patterson.

[Lorena]

We have to catch this serial killer. I don't kill for fun.

[Unknown Advertiser]

And created by Ben Watkins, this killer.

[Andrea Gunning]

Thinks he's the smartest guy in the room.

[Unknown Advertiser]

Aldous Hudge is DC's finest Alex Cross. If we don't find him soon, we.

[Lorena]

May never have another chance.

[Andrea Gunning]

Clock's ticking.

[Lorena]

You think you can stop him?

[Unknown Advertiser]

I know I can. Cuz I know him better than he knows himself. Cross a new original series only on Prime Video. Watch now.

[Lorena]

As a little girl, you don't say, oh my gosh, I can't wait to grow up and marry a guy who cheats on me and makes me feel like the only way I can leave is if I'm going to be homeless and in a ditch.

[Andrea Gunning]

I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is Betrayal, a show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything. Lorena is a Midwestern mom who's never met a stranger. When she meets someone, she wants to really connect.

[Lorena]

If you want to sit there and talk about the blue sky and the green grass, please go find somebody else, because I don't have time for that. You want to tell me who you are and what you want to be? I'm all over that.

[Andrea Gunning]

She came to the interview with an extra large iced coffee in hand and the energy level to match.

[Lorena]

Caffeine, caffeine, lots of caffeine. This is how I make it. I have 11 children and I have four grandkids. I'm busy.

[Andrea Gunning]

11 children. She was 18 when she had her first and 40 when she had her last. In that time, she didn't go two years without being pregnant. How did she get here with 11 kids? Well, she belonged to a conservative Baptist church. In her community, big families were the norm, and she loved motherhood. But today, she sees that she was a frog in boiling water. She didn't realize the temperature was being turned up until it was too late. Lorena was raised by a single mother, and their family moved nearly every year. She always envied her friends who had the stability she didn't seem to have.

[Lorena]

I really, really wanted the nuclear family. I really wanted, well, look, it's the mom and it's the dad and it's some kids.

[Andrea Gunning]

Her mom worked in a hospital and would bring Lorena along with her sometimes to sit in the waiting room while she was there. She fantasized about a career in medicine, working with premature babies.

[Lorena]

I wanted to be a doctor. I actually wanted to be a neonatologist.

[Andrea Gunning]

But as she got older and became a teenager, she and her mom started butting heads. She felt like her mom didn't have time for her. So Lorena started to do exactly what she wanted. When she was 16, she ran away from home. She says it wasn't as dramatic as it sounds. She just went to a friend's house. When her mom found her, she'd been smoking weed, and her mom did something drastic.

[Lorena]

My mother figured out that she could put Me in drug treatment centers. It was almost like a little mini prison.

[Andrea Gunning]

She went to three. The first wouldn't keep her because they found out that she wasn't struggling with any drug addiction. The second was a psychiatric hospital. They assessed her and kept her there for a few weeks before they determined that she didn't need to be hospitalized.

[Lorena]

And so she found another place.

[Andrea Gunning]

And the third place she found, they.

[Lorena]

Put everyone there on 800 milligrams of lithium twice a day, whether you needed it or not.

[Andrea Gunning]

As soon as she turned 18, she got out of there and moved out of the state with her boyfriend. Within a few months, she found out that she was pregnant.

[Lorena]

From the very moment I took that pregnancy test and saw that positive line, I was so excited. I just was so incredibly amazed that I could be a mom.

[Andrea Gunning]

But she experienced deception early on in that relationship.

[Lorena]

I was 20. He told me he was 25. I find out that he lied to me. He's 35. I found his driver's license. 35, that's a lot of age difference. You're not on equal grounds. There's not equal footing.

[Andrea Gunning]

So she did what she'd always done growing up, figure life out by herself. She left him, took the baby and moved back to her home state, which we're not naming here, to protect her privacy. And back home, she got herself into college. While she was in school, she had another baby. She was excited to have a second, but she didn't want a long term relationship with the father.

[Lorena]

I'm in college, I'm mostly making A's, a couple of B's there, except whenever I had my second child, I was in a class that I really shouldn't have been in and I made a.

[Andrea Gunning]

C. Now that she had two young children that she was raising alone, going to medical school seemed unrealistic. So she changed her plans and decided to get her business degree. She began studying to become an accountant.

[Lorena]

I'm in a business class and I see the sky across the room and I'm like, oh my gosh.

[Andrea Gunning]

He was strikingly handsome, well dressed, and the smartest one in the class.

[Lorena]

He asks me if I want to study and I'm like, he is setting the standard on all the tests and he's wanting to study with me. And I'm like, yeah, I love that. And so we make plans and when he comes over, we don't study.

[Andrea Gunning]

We're going to call him Peter. So she and Peter stayed up all night talking.

[Lorena]

Anyway, we're talking and he's just listening to me. He left somewhere between 4 and 6am.

[Andrea Gunning]

He kissed me and then he left the next day. He called her.

[Lorena]

He called me right after he got off of work. Hey. I was just wanting to come by and see. See you. Wow.

[Andrea Gunning]

He made her feel important. They started planning play dates with her two young kids and movie nights at her apartment.

[Lorena]

And I loved the way he made me feel. He made me feel seen and heard. He made me feel like I was the smart one. And I don't think that I had felt like some man had ever been that interested in me before.

[Andrea Gunning]

Things were moving quickly. After just a few dates, they became inseparable.

[Lorena]

With most of my past relationships, they were like easing into relationships. You know, you talk a little bit, but with him, we never stopped seeing one another.

[Andrea Gunning]

She was into him, but Lorena had two small children to protect. She didn't want them to get attached to Peter. So three months into their relationship, she said she couldn't continue unless he was serious.

[Lorena]

And at that point in time, he told me he loved me and he wanted to pursue the relationship with the possibility of marriage, which I was like, what? What?

[Andrea Gunning]

A few months after that, Lorena went to the doctor for a routine physical.

[Lorena]

I get a phone call and they tell me I'm pregnant. So Peter came over that night and I told him and I was so scared. I remember we were standing in the kitchen and he picked me up, put me on the counter and looked in my eyes and said, please, please, will you marry me? I don't want our child to not have a father. And I was like, yeah. Yes, I.

[Andrea Gunning]

Peter adopted her two younger children. And now, as a mom of three and a wife, getting her college degree became even more difficult.

[Lorena]

I had basically taken that semester off in the fall. I think I took one class and passed it. And then in the spring, he said, well, how about you just stay home with the kids? And I'm like, wow, that's really thoughtful. So I decided, yeah, let's try that. I'm so happy to be at home with my kids because I haven't ever had this opportunity to just be a full time mom.

[Andrea Gunning]

All of a sudden, she had the nuclear family she'd always wanted. And Peter promised he would be their provider. While she paused her education, he excelled in his.

[Lorena]

His professor had told him, you're very smart. If you ever decide to go back and get your master's degree, don't sell yourself short. Go to an Ivy League school, you can get in.

[Andrea Gunning]

So Peter started applying to MBA programs. And it turned out his professor was right. He was accepted into one of the top three business schools in the country. And the family moved to the northeast for his education. Alone in a new city with their kids, Peter encouraged the family to start going to church.

[Lorena]

His mother was very religious. She was pentecostal. And he wanted me to go to church. So I went. And you know what? I found God. I found Jesus right there.

[Andrea Gunning]

She hadn't grown up religious, but the church became a home away from home. When Peter graduated from his mba, Lorena was there at his graduation with their family and now five children. He even graduated with a high paying job offer to make it even better. The job was close to their home state.

[Lorena]

And this is like the biggest energy company. It's huge. And he's got a good job there.

[Andrea Gunning]

Back in the heartland with her five kids and her Ivy league husband, Lorena had a dream life. She and Peter started looking for a new church. That's when they found this really cool.

[Lorena]

Organization, iblp, Bill Gothard's institute in basic life principles. Oh, come here and learn about our program and it will inspire you and grow you as a parent, Give you kind of an idea of how to live a better life, how to be a better mother, how to be a better father, a better husband, a better wife.

[Andrea Gunning]

They gave the family workbooks for homeschooling their kids and guides to parenting. They provided free meals and childcare. It all came with a conservative fundamentalist ideology.

[Lorena]

I bought into that. Peter bought into that. We bought into that.

[Andrea Gunning]

If you've heard of the Duggar family and their reality TV show 19 Kids and Counting, you've probably heard of IBLP. The church and the Duggars were featured in the documentary Shiny happy people that came out in 2023. The Duggars religion promotes having as many children as physically possible. And Peter certainly believed in that at first. IBLP was a culture shock for Lorena, especially what they expected women to wear.

[Lorena]

Like the Duggars, like what they have the women there wearing. Every single one was in what they call a jumper or a long dress that looked like it came out of the 1800s.

[Andrea Gunning]

But Peter thought it was a good example for their daughters. He liked the modesty and he's like.

[Lorena]

Well, I really like for you guys to be dressed like this. It's more modest. And we're setting a standard here in our house. And it did not take long before I conformed and wore what everyone else wore.

[Andrea Gunning]

The church had strong beliefs about gender roles in the household.

[Lorena]

Women cannot be over men. Men are the umbrella of protection the women were there to make the food and to keep the kids quiet.

[Andrea Gunning]

And the most important principle, allow God.

[Lorena]

To dictate the amount of children you have.

[Andrea Gunning]

So she and Peter had another and another.

[Lorena]

Sex was every day and sometimes it would be twice a day, unless he was traveling clearly or we had just had a baby and then it was. We'd wait two weeks.

[Andrea Gunning]

All the while, Lorena was doing the childcare on her own.

[Lorena]

Peter would never change diapers. I think with number three, he might have changed 10 diapers. But then after that, with babies four through 11, I would say that he probably changed each one of them maybe twice. And there may have been a couple that he never changed at all.

[Andrea Gunning]

She understood that their religion had conservative beliefs about gender roles, but deep down she hoped that he would do more, especially when it came to the kids.

[Lorena]

I thought that the church was going to help him to be a better husband and a better father. Instead, it helped him hide things better.

[Andrea Gunning]

One night as Lorena and Peter were going to bed, he was kind of.

[Lorena]

Dozing and I was stroking his head and I was like, peter, I love you so much. And he said, I love you too, Crystal. I was like, what? What did you just call me?

[Andrea Gunning]

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[Unknown Advertiser]

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[Andrea Gunning]

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[Lorena]

I was like what did you just call me? Who's Crystal? And he shot out of bed. Shot up. He's like, I didn't say that. I don't know who Crystal. I don't know what Chrys. I don't even know what Crystal. What are you talking about?

[Andrea Gunning]

He blamed the mistake on sleep deprivation. And it made sense. After all, he was constantly working.

[Lorena]

His schedule was 6am to 8pm so what's that, 14 hours a day? That's Monday through Friday, and then Saturday and Sunday. He'd get called in frequently. We'd get out of church and he'd be like, oh, the office called, I gotta go.

[Andrea Gunning]

Even though he was working nonstop and made a great salary, their money got tighter and tighter every year.

[Lorena]

Christmas came and I remember asking him, can I please just spend $7 on each kid, just $7 a piece? And he was like, we don't have any money at all left. I'm like, where did all the money go?

[Andrea Gunning]

Lorena assumed it was the financial strain of being a family of nine.

[Lorena]

So I made everyone homemade gifts that year. Everybody got one gift.

[Andrea Gunning]

Despite money being tight, she relied on Peter to be the financial expert in the family. After all, he had an MBA from a top three business school. He printed out spreadsheets with their budgets and gave Lorena a weekly allowance for her and the kids.

[Lorena]

I keep telling myself, it's gonna get better, it's gonna get better, because it sure as heck couldn't have gotten worse, right?

[Andrea Gunning]

She was wrong about that. At one point, Lorena tried to investigate what was going on financially. She checked on the bank accounts, wanting to understand their expenses and find opportunities to save. But Peter drew a firm boundary and.

[Lorena]

He said, if you look at this bank account again, I will cut you off and you will not be able to see any finances.

[Andrea Gunning]

After her eighth baby, she had serious health complications. While they were in the hospital. The doctor pulled them both aside.

[Lorena]

The doctor says, listen, I know you have eight kids and I know that you kind of have your beliefs on that and whatever, but in the best interest of your health, you need to put off having any more kids. Peter looked at him and said, we're not going to do that. We believe in letting the Lord give us as many kids as we want. That's what we're going to do. After my eighth child was born, I was in an immense amount of pain. I could not even hold my baby, let alone feed him. While I'm healing from all of this, I'm not healthy and I get pregnant with baby number nine.

[Andrea Gunning]

As their family continued to grow, so did their financial problems.

[Lorena]

So at this point in time, he had a bankruptcy on his record and he owed back taxes to the state we lived in. I know that he makes a good six figure salary, but I'm getting an eighth, maybe not Even that much, a tenth of it to feed and clothe the kids.

[Andrea Gunning]

Lorena couldn't understand it. Peter explained that it was the expenses of the kids and the family that were bankrupting them. In an attempt to salvage their finances, they decided to downsize to a smaller house. And Peter found a new job.

[Lorena]

And at some point in time, they started requiring him to travel. So here are the kids and I in this dumpy house that he's never put much into. It was very old, falling apart, dilapidated, two bedroom, one bath for 11 people. It does have running water, but the septic system is a barrel.

[Andrea Gunning]

Lorena rose to the challenge.

[Lorena]

I can squeeze blood from a turnip. Okay, I can show you how. My oldest son at one point in time came to me and said, mom, dad makes a good six figure salary. Why are you living the way you're living? And I was like, we spend it all.

[Andrea Gunning]

They relied on the church as much as they could. One summer in 2015, they took the whole family to an IBLP conference.

[Lorena]

And the speakers that year were the Deckers. This was right after their oldest son had gotten in trouble with Ashley Madison.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ashley Madison is an online dating platform specifically for married people. Their slogan is, life is short, have an affair. And back in 2015, their user database had just been hacked. All their users emails were now public and available online for anyone to see.

[Lorena]

Mrs. Duggar was talking about how you could go onto some website and look up people's email addresses. And something just clicked in me. So right then and there, we're in the middle of this conference and I was like, oh, I need to go feed the baby. I go outside and I'm looking on my phone and I look up one of his email addresses and it shows that he has an Ashley Madison account. And I nearly threw up. I couldn't believe it.

[Andrea Gunning]

She decided to confront him that night.

[Lorena]

I said, this is what I found. And he was like, that's not me. That email must have been hacked. Oh, look, I'm going to delete this whole email. Just get rid of the email completely so that you believe me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so it was enough to go, okay, well, maybe he did, because at this point in time, I believed him because I really had no other options. I had no other other place to go. My mantra is setting in. It's going to get better. It's going to get better.

[Andrea Gunning]

She had nine kids. Lorena was independent. But raising a family in a household of this size, going in alone was far too scary to think about. But the truth was, she had been alone for a while.

[Lorena]

He was gone. Having to travel for quote, unquote, work at least one week out of the month. Sometimes it would be two. So I was becoming more and more accustomed to him not being there. September 21, 2021. Peter was on another trip because that's what he did. I had decided to take my kids to our state fair. On the way out to the car, I passed by this box.

[Andrea Gunning]

It was just a shoebox of old papers that had been floating around Peter's car for the past few months. She assumed it was just some of Peter's work documents.

[Lorena]

Nobody looked in it because it's work stuff. Why would you? I mean, I'm not interested in his work stuff. Okay, so nobody looked in it. I must have walked past that box 20 times.

[Andrea Gunning]

But on this day, she was curious. I'm gonna look through it.

[Lorena]

I'm just gonna look through it. I'm looking through and I'm seeing all these folders, and I see one envelope full of birthday cards. And so I'm going through and I see this one, and on the outside of it, it's labeled poppy, like P A P. I'm like, okay. I open up the envelope and in it is a card and it says, dear Poppy Dom, I hope you like the travel book I made you. I have enjoyed our travels together and I hope to have many more with you. Love, Princess Buttercup. At this point, my blood had ran cold. My hands are trembling and I am shocked. I don't know what this is. I don't know what it means. I don't know if it's a joke. I don't know if it's real. I don't know.

[Andrea Gunning]

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[Andrea Gunning]

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[Lorena]

And I'm looking through and I can't believe I'm finding these weird things.

[Andrea Gunning]

At first, she didn't know what she was seeing.

[Lorena]

This is really weird. It's just a paperwork, target population progress chart, and then self assessment scores. Calendar. That's what it says right here. What age regression. Only one DOM question mark. And then there's a Venmo routing number.

[Andrea Gunning]

She kept reading, and this is what she came across next.

[Lorena]

I came across this one sheet and it said, rewards. I was like, oh, that's interesting. Manny Petty from Daddy. A point system, remote, playtime, desserts, dress up trips, books, watching movies, snacks. And then it said, little gets back rub. And then on another page, make a schedule. 14 points. Workout, 10 points. Nutrition, 14 points.

[Andrea Gunning]

It was like a report card or a list of activities to do with a kid. But then there was another column.

[Lorena]

There was a little part that said, punish. Things that I'd never really heard of. Edging without release. And I'm like, yard work, huh? Little did I know. Timeout corner.

[Andrea Gunning]

It was a reward system of some kind. And it appeared sexual in nature. But that wasn't all. There were credit card statements from cards she didn't know about and receipts for strange purchases.

[Lorena]

Like, oh, my word, what is this? Adult baby bottles, adult bibs, adult onesies. Like, these are receipts for these things that Peter had purchased. There were things of him paying Baby Bear. That was the name of one particular person he was paying. It was somewhere around 20,000, $30,000 he had spent on all of this.

[Andrea Gunning]

He'd spent $30,000 on sex toys and kink. And who was Baby Bear? Something was very wrong. She and Peter's sex life had always been tame.

[Lorena]

It was all just very vanilla. I remember one time me trying to bring up, oh, maybe we should try handcuffs. How would you feel if I handcuffed you to the bed and he freaked out on me? Oh, my gosh, we can't do that. What if one of us dies during it?

[Andrea Gunning]

Princess Buttercup and Baby Bear were clearly indications of another side of Peter, one that she never knew existed. The Peter she knew was devoted to a conservative fundamentalist church. But this man clearly wasn't who he claimed to be. Lorena was afraid to confront him on her own. So she called her eldest son, who was 24. He said he would be there in a few days, and he gave her some advice.

[Lorena]

And until then, you're going to have to hold down the Fort. You're going to have to pretend like everything is fine. You're going to have to play the part of everything is fine when he calls tonight. Act like it's no big deal when he comes home. Treat it like it's any other night.

[Andrea Gunning]

Peter came home two days before her son made it there. So Lorena did pretend. Finally, her son arrived and they got to work.

[Lorena]

My son is very technologically advanced and we were able to go through the computers at home and find things that I never could have found on my own.

[Andrea Gunning]

And what they found there painted a full picture of Peter's deception.

[Lorena]

We found the real Ashley Madison account that he had. We found pictures of so many women in various states of undress. We found found pictures of women with Property of Dom written in Sharpie. Property of Peter on one woman.

[Andrea Gunning]

These pictures had timestamps dating back to 2017, four years prior. So how much money had he actually spent on affairs? And why had he spent so much on adult diapers, onesies, and baby boxes today? This is her understanding of what her husband was doing with these women.

[Lorena]

He wanted to be the Dom daddy and he wanted a little girl to play along with him.

[Andrea Gunning]

As far as she knows, all the women were adults. They were just sometimes pretending to be children or babies. As part of a kink, Lorena pulled up his social media accounts where she found the messages he'd written to these women, even messages where he referenced Lorena.

[Lorena]

The other thing that I found on there that he said was every night that I'm with you or with her, I will call my wife and I will talk to her for as little time as possible. That hurt.

[Andrea Gunning]

Before she confronted Peter, Lorena made an appointment with a lawyer to talk divorce.

[Lorena]

She had told me, the state that we live in is a no fault state and there's not much that we can do unless you have a picture of him having sex. Basically, she said, you've got to have a picture of his genitalia going into someone else's genitalia. Well, I found about 200 pictures and I think three or four videos.

[Andrea Gunning]

Her eldest son was helping her collect this information for the divorce attorneys. They pulled documents together at night sitting in their parked car in the garage while Peter slept in the house. And that's when they found proof of even more financial deception.

[Lorena]

He was working at several different universities as an adjunct professor. So he's making money there and he's hiding it. We found this man has been spending, clearly hand over fist, tons of money. And my children were like almost at Poverty level. We had no money. He was hemorrhaging money on this lifestyle.

[Andrea Gunning]

After they gathered all the information they could find, there was one last thing they needed to do.

[Lorena]

My son says, mom, I know we have guns in the house.

[Andrea Gunning]

He took them and brought them to a friend's place. And once the guns were gone, he made sure his mom and siblings were out of the house. And then he confronted his dad.

[Lorena]

My oldest son went inside to our bedroom and said to Peter, hey, dad, mom knows everything and she wants you to leave. And Peter sat up slowly, yawned and stretched big and said, okay. And my son said, please leave. And he said, okay. And he left.

[Andrea Gunning]

After that, Lorena only talked to Peter one more time on the phone to let him know that she was filing for divorce.

[Lorena]

I don't remember all the nonsense he tried to say, but what he did tell me was, what you are doing is far worse than anything I ever did. What I did, what I was doing was divorcing him. I just laughed. I was like, okay, and we're done. And I have not had a conversation with him since.

[Andrea Gunning]

That was in 2021. From then on, her son took over all communication with Peter. That allowed Lorena to focus on her emotional and financial recovery. She also had to explain to her 11 kids why their father had left. Her youngest child was five.

[Lorena]

Those early days are just such a blur. I do remember telling the children that we were divorcing because of Peter making some very bad decisions. I think the words I consistently used were poor choices.

[Andrea Gunning]

But when friends and adult family asked, she told them the truth, how she really felt about her husband.

[Lorena]

Peter was a black hole.

[Andrea Gunning]

She couldn't believe how strange it all was. He was spending tens of thousands of dollars on sexual fetishes, fetishes that included things like baby play. But all the while, he was never interested in childcare.

[Lorena]

One thing that kept coming back to me was how weird he was about changing diapers. And here he is. He spent, you know, thousands of dollars on diapers. After he left and I had filed for divorce, I was still trying to go to church, taking the kids and all that.

[Andrea Gunning]

But after what Peter did, church wasn't the same.

[Lorena]

There's this cognitive dissonance. I'm now going, what else have I been told that's not right? This whole patriarchy thing. How is any of this at all biblical? What's real and what's not real? I still have a difficult time going to church.

[Andrea Gunning]

She stopped going to church and is taking time to reevaluate her spirituality and values. She started going to therapy, where she began understanding that what she experienced was spiritual abuse.

[Lorena]

I'm not going to say all churches because I believe that there are some really awesome churches out there. I've been to some. Okay, but the ones that are perpetuating patriarchal abuse are the ones that are saying, wives, submit to your husbands. That allows for men to treat women however they desire with no repercussion.

[Andrea Gunning]

She says she was spiritually abused by the church, but also by Peter. Today she doesn't know if he ever believed any of the fundamentalist ideology or if he just used it as a way to control her.

[Lorena]

I look back and I can see Peter used that to keep me under control, to keep me where he wanted me and keep me behaving in the way he wanted. And three years ago, I couldn't have told you that. This is three years of heavy duty therapy.

[Andrea Gunning]

And then there was his devotion to having as many kids as God would allow. Was that also just a weapon of control?

[Lorena]

Looking back, I see why he did that. It kept me busy. His goal was to always keep me busy and to keep me from looking at what he was doing. Because if I wasn't busy with the kids, then my focus was on him.

[Andrea Gunning]

After all, Peter was smart. Unlike a lot of deception stories, he really did get that fancy MBA from an Ivy League school. And after that, he parked his wife in a fundamentalist church and began an insidious process.

[Lorena]

Somewhere along the way, he had started chipping away at my identity of who I was and what I could become. And I believed him.

[Andrea Gunning]

It hurts to look back and think about the life she had before Peter.

[Lorena]

When I met Peter, I was a strong, independent woman. I was only 22, but I had two children and I was taking care of them like a boss. I had plans, I had goals.

[Andrea Gunning]

Still, she adores each of her children, and she says they're the reason she's made it through. She's rebuilding her life and finally finishing her degree. It's important for her to explain that not only can betrayal happen to anyone, but so can indoctrination.

[Lorena]

People do ask, how does a capable, intelligent person go from, hey, I'm a single mom and I'm killing it. I'm full time mom. I'm full time student, I'm full time employee. How does someone go from that to, I'm not allowed to look at the financial statements of the house? You're comfortable in the beginning. Hey, you know, you're not really that great at keeping track of things you might forget. You've got so much on your plate. Let me just do all the finances. I'll take care of it all the way to. If you look at this, I will cut you off and you will not be able to see any finances. You're a boiled frog.

[Andrea Gunning]

We end all of our episodes with the same question, why do you want to tell your story? And Lorena came prepared to answer this one.

[Lorena]

The reason I wanted to tell my story is so that others who are out there in a similar situation might have their eyes opened and go, wow. If she can do it with 11 kids, seven still at home, and with all the odds stacked against her, so can I. If my story can just help one person who see a little clearer to feel a little bit of comfort to think that their life is not over. You're not too old to get out. It is never too late to start over and find who you are. That's my hope.

[Andrea Gunning]

On the next episode of Betrayal.

[Lorena]

Who is this person? Have I been with an ax murderer? A serial rapist?

[Andrea Gunning]

I've got to find out this person's real name. If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal Team or want to tell us your Betrayal story, email [e-mail] that's betrayal P O-mail.com we're grateful for your support. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeartradio podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison, hosted and produced by Me, Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Laborde, also produced by Ben Federman. Associate producers are Kristen Melchiori and Caitlin Golden. Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Kryncheck. Audio editing and mixing by Matt D'Alvecchio. Additional editing support from Nico Aruka and Tanner Robbins. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Baines Music Library, provided by MIB Music and for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Unknown Advertiser]

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[Lorena]

You can call me Detective Alex Cross.

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[Lorena]

We have to catch this serial killer. I don't kill for fun.

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[Lorena]

Ms. Kelly thinks he's the smartest guy in the room.

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[Lorena]

May never have another chance.

[Andrea Gunning]

Clock's ticking.

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[Lorena]

I know I can.

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[Andrea Gunning]

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