EP 17 - Ryan

Summary

Betrayal: Weekly - Episode 17: Ryan

Host: Andrea Gunning
Release Date: November 7, 2024
Podcast: Betrayal: Weekly by iHeartPodcasts and Glass Podcasts

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Introduction

In Episode 17 of Betrayal: Weekly, host Andrea Gunning delves into the harrowing story of Ryan Lewis, a former fitness instructor whose life was upended by deceit and manipulation. Ryan's journey from trust to betrayal offers profound insights into the complexities of human relationships and the resilience required to rebuild after profound heartbreak.

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Early Life and Background of Ryan Lewis

Andrea Gunning introduces Ryan as a vibrant individual with an infectious energy. Growing up outside of Philadelphia in a supportive, academically ambitious family, Ryan found his passion early on.

• Ryan: "Sometimes I bring my teaching home with me in terms of, like, making somebody's day or making somebody's life better or whatever it is." [03:58]

Ryan's involvement in theater during his teenage years showcased his dedication and the unwavering support of his family.

• Ryan: "As a teenager, I got into theater and my parents were at every performance...this was like my varsity jacket moment." [04:51]

After graduating high school, Ryan attended NYU, where his personal life took a tumultuous turn. He entered a relationship with a man 11 years his senior, which introduced him to drug use that would later become a critical turning point in his life.

• Ryan: "He was very noticeably high. And he was like, are we going out tonight or something? And I was like, nope." [06:00]

This relationship spiraled into a cycle of drug use and deception, leading Ryan to seek help and ultimately achieve sobriety.

• Ryan: "I went to do what would be my last line...this realization of, like, I think this party is...I had to come clean to him that I had used again." [06:00 - 07:31]

Ten years of sobriety transformed Ryan, realigning his priorities towards his true passion: fitness.

• Ryan: "I just like to come from a really authentic place." [07:59]

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Meeting and Relationship with Jacques

Ryan's life took a promising turn when he met Jacques, a charismatic and accomplished marketing executive. Their connection was immediate and intense, leading Ryan to relocate to Miami to build a life together.

• Jacques: "We both really wanted a Ford Bronco really badly...we had bought one." [40:49]

Their relationship thrived on mutual support, shared passions, and emotional vulnerability. Jacques's impressive career, multilingual abilities, and commitment to health mirrored Ryan's own values, creating a seemingly perfect partnership.

• Andrea Gunning: "He was a very decorated marketing professional... It wasn't just his resume that impressed Ryan, it was also his commitment to health and fitness." [18:28 - 19:08]

Ryan felt an unparalleled connection, believing Jacques was the person he had been waiting for.

• Ryan: "We were texting, like, all day, every day... a foundation has been set." [20:07]

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The Betrayal Unfolds

Despite the harmonious facade, signs of deception began to surface. Ryan’s parents noticed irregularities, prompting him to investigate further.

• Ryan: "When he quit his executive marketing job out of the blue... I couldn't believe something was wrong." [25:15 - 25:37]

A fraudulent charge of $990 for a divorce lawyer on Ryan's credit card was the first red flag. This discovery led to a confrontation with Jacques, who initially denied any wrongdoing.

• Ryan: "He was visibly denying it, even though the evidence was right there." [32:09]

Further investigations revealed multiple layers of deceit. Jacques had maintained multiple identities, engaged in fraudulent activities, and maintained numerous deceptive conversations with other men.

• Andrea Gunning: "For each person he talked to, Jacques was putting on a totally different persona." [34:16]

Ryan uncovered that Jacques had been involved in fraudulent schemes related to illegal subletting and unpaid rent, amounting to over $100,000 in fraud.

• Andrea Gunning: "Jacques was named in a lawsuit over an illegal sublet and unpaid rent scheme in the Hamptons." [39:22]

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Confrontation and Discovery

The emotional climax of Ryan's story revolves around his confrontation with Jacques. Faced with undeniable proof of betrayal, Ryan navigated the tumultuous emotions of anger, confusion, and heartbreak.

• Ryan: "Do you recognize these numbers?" [32:09]

Jacques’s breakdown revealed his vulnerabilities and mirrored Ryan’s own struggles with trust and betrayal.

• Jacques: "This feels like my emotional rock bottom, and this is my chance to pay it forward." [37:28]

Despite setting new boundaries and attempting to rebuild trust through therapy, the layers of deception proved too deep to overcome.

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Aftermath and Emotional Impact

The financial and emotional toll on Ryan was immense. Jacques not only manipulated Ryan emotionally but also perpetrated significant financial fraud, resulting in a loss of approximately $50,000.

• Andrea Gunning: "How much money did Ryan lose in this relationship? This is what he estimates it is." [48:11]

Ryan's relationship with his parents was strained as they uncovered the full extent of Jacques's deceit, leading to a rift that underscored the severity of the betrayal.

• Ryan: "I felt so bad because I didn't believe my parents or I didn't want to listen to them." [43:14]

The betrayal extended beyond personal loss, touching Ryan's professional life and social circles, leaving him grappling with trust and rebuilding his sense of self.

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Ryan's Reflections and Moving Forward

In the aftermath, Ryan confronts the profound impact of Jacques's betrayal. He recognizes the manipulation tactics employed, including Jacques's invasive behavior, such as listening to his therapy sessions through a ring camera.

• Ryan: "It was total manipulation to make me feel like Jacques truly saw me, understood me, loved me." [47:53]

This realization propelled Ryan towards healing, emphasizing the importance of self-care, rebuilding trust, and learning from the painful experience to foster resilience and personal growth.

• Andrea Gunning: "Ryan's ready to let go of the shame and self-blame he felt after this betrayal." [50:39]

Ryan's story serves as a cautionary tale about the complexities of trust, the importance of vigilance in relationships, and the strength required to overcome profound personal betrayals.

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Notable Quotes

• Ryan Lewis:
  "I wanted to wake up every morning excited for what I got to do." [08:37]
  "This feels like my emotional rock bottom, and this is my chance to pay it forward." [37:28]

• Jacques:
  "He sounds like your mom right now." [40:30]

• Andrea Gunning:
  "This is a story about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything." [03:10]

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Conclusion

Ryan Lewis's story encapsulates the devastating effects of betrayal by someone once deeply trusted. Through meticulous storytelling, Andrea Gunning presents a narrative that highlights the nuances of deceit, the complexities of rebuilding trust, and the enduring strength of the human spirit. Betrayal: Weekly continues to offer listeners profound insights into the aftermath of broken trust, reminding us of the resilience required to navigate and overcome personal betrayals.

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Episode Production Credits:

• Executive Producers: Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison
• Host/Producer: Andrea Gunning
• Writers/Producers: Monique Laborde, Ben Federman
• Associate Producers: Kristen Melcuri and Caitlin Golden
• iHeart Team: Ali Perry and Jessica Kryncheck
• Audio Editing and Mixing: Matt D'Alvecchio, with additional support from Nico Aruka and Tanner Robbins
• Theme Music: Oliver Baines Music Library provided by MIB Music

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Join the countless listeners who find solace, inspiration, and understanding through the real-life stories shared on Betrayal: Weekly.

Transcript

[Ryan]

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[Detective Alex Cross]

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[Andrea Gunning]

Clock's ticking.

[Detective Alex Cross]

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[Jacques]

I rush out of there like Cruella de Vil in 101 Dalmatians. Death gripping the wheel, red eyed just like mad. And I go back to our apartment. I throw the credit card at him. He's sitting on the couch and I scream. Do you recognize these number?

[Andrea Gunning]

I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is Betrayal, a show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything. A few months ago, my twin sister called me. She wanted to connect me with someone who had a betrayal story of his own. It was her favorite fitness instructor, Ryan Lewis. Ryan's a force of nature.

[Jacques]

There are some days where I'll teach four classes a day and I'll still find time to, like, take a class as well.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan has an infectious energy. I can attest to this firsthand because I used to take his class in my hometown. Not only does he have the best music, but the way he motivates the class, it's not just physical, it's also emotional. I may or may not have cried in his class before.

[Jacques]

Sometimes I bring my teaching home with me in terms of, like, making somebody's day or making somebody's life better or whatever it is.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan's inclined to put other people's happiness first, sometimes to a fault. And one of his core values is to assume the best in others.

[Jacques]

I will take somebody's word for what it is as they're giving me, and I will believe them. And it's just because I'd rather live in a world like that than live in a world where I constantly, I don't know, have my guard up.

[Andrea Gunning]

He grew up outside of Philadelphia in a well to do family. He's very close with his parents and siblings. The family is ambitious, academic, and I.

[Jacques]

Was kind of the one that went and charted my own path.

[Ryan]

As a teenager, Ryan got into theater and his parents were at every performance. Like when he was cast as Jean.

[Andrea Gunning]

Valjean in a local theater production of.

[Jacques]

Les Mis, there were seven performances. My dad was at every single one of them. But he came to see and he was talking to one of my friends who then shared this with me. They were like, you must be so proud of him. And he's like, of course I am. You know, I was expecting to be in the bleachers of like a Friday Night Lights kind of situation, but this is like his varsity jacket moment.

[Andrea Gunning]

After graduating high school, he went to nyu.

[Jacques]

Being in New York City, that's when I feel like my actual gay Dating life started.

[Andrea Gunning]

He started his first serious relationship with a guy he met online. He was 11 years older than Ryan, and he had an established job in finance.

[Jacques]

There was a part of me, a large part of me that genuinely loved this man, but at the same time, I was also loving the stuff that I was getting from him, which were drugs that I was looking for that I couldn't really afford.

[Andrea Gunning]

The two of them would go on benders together, partying and doing cocaine. When the relationship ended, Ryan's cocaine use didn't. His next boyfriend noticed it immediately.

[Jacques]

He came over, and I was very noticeably high. And he was like, are we going out tonight or something? And I was like, nope. So then he was like, I'm not going to do this anymore. This has to immediately stop or I'm going to leave you. So I did, until I found a way to, like, keep that drug usage secret to the point where I would just hope that he would then go to bed or something, and then I could party all night, which I did.

[Andrea Gunning]

He fell in love with this new guy. It was the first time he could see himself with someone long term. But all the while, Ryan was lying to him, hiding his drug use. His boyfriend would draw a line in the sand. Ryan would promise to get clean, but then he'd end up using again, and the cycle would repeat itself. Ryan says that this was his rock bottom.

[Jacques]

I went to do what would be my last line. Now, over 10 years later, I just didn't feel anything. And I had, you know, the six or seven before that of the night, but it just stopped working. And it kind of was just this bigger moment, bigger than myself kind of moment, this realization of, like, I think this party is. I had to come clean to him that, like, I had used again. And then he had called my parents. My mom flew up, no return ticket, and she was like, I'm not leaving New York City until we get you the help that you need.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan started going to outpatient rehab every day.

[Ryan]

He and his boyfriend ultimately separated.

[Andrea Gunning]

Today, Ryan's been sober for 10 years. Back when he first got sober, he found a new clarity on his priorities. He was 23, a recent graduate with a degree in business administration, and he landed a corporate marketing job. But getting sober changed him, and marketing analytics felt empty.

[Jacques]

I don't know how I can show up to work and try to sell something that I have to put on somebody else's hat for. I just like to come from a really authentic place.

[Andrea Gunning]

And what he was passionate about was fitness.

[Jacques]

At the time, I was A frequent and avid rider at SoulCycle, it was my, like, transfer addiction. Probably riding like seven to 10 times a week, doubling Monday, Wednesday, Friday morning, 6:00am, 7:00am Crazy. I know.

[Andrea Gunning]

He went so often that one day an instructor asked if he would be interested in teaching.

[Jacques]

I just graduated college from, like, one of the top undergrad and graduate business schools in the country, and I couldn't imagine saying to my parents, hey, I'm going to leave this to go become a cycling instructor.

[Andrea Gunning]

But he decided to give it a shot, no matter what his parents thought.

[Jacques]

I wanted to wake up every morning excited for what I got to do.

[Andrea Gunning]

Of course, he was hired and began instructor training right away. He knew that this wasn't just a job. It was going to be his career.

[Jacques]

They moved me to Philly because they were opening up the first studio there. They knew I was from there and they wanted me to be a part of the opening team. And so I did that and opened up the two studios that are now there today. He was there for like seven years.

[Andrea Gunning]

After investing his entire 20s in growing his career, he wanted a partner he could build a life with, someone who could match his passion and energy.

[Jacques]

I have a huge heart and I have a lot of feelings, and so I like to think that there is somebody out there who is open to connecting that deeply, and it comes from a really authentic place.

[Andrea Gunning]

In 2019, Ryan got a coveted summer position teaching in the Hamptons. He was on the dating apps, but wasn't expecting to find anything serious. After all, it's a vacation town.

[Jacques]

I've definitely had my fair share of hookups via Grindr. Like, I have no shame about that. Very sex positive. But I still don't execute as much as, like, the opportunity maybe comes up.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan had a lot of unopened messages on his dating apps. But one day he got a message that piqued his interest. It was from a guy we're gonna call Jacques.

[Jacques]

I remember just being like, this man is so attractive. He had a bit of mystery to him. He's just like a very, like, Jason Momoa in shape guy, darker complexion, tattoos everywhere. And then he's also French. He has a French accent as well, which, like, add that to it.

[Andrea Gunning]

Jacques invited him over and Ryan didn't hesitate for this one.

[Jacques]

I was like, I'm going.

[Andrea Gunning]

When he got to Jacques's house in the Hamptons, he was impressed. Jacques was a high level marketing executive with the lifestyle to match.

[Jacques]

He had this very cute, like, cottagey kind of thing out there that had a pool. We went in the pool first. And he was very quiet, very, like, introverted. And for that, like, I can't sit in silence, so I'm just like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, talking forever. Just so, like, we weren't hit with silence again. Still, that air of mystery. And then we started making out in the pool. And I just remember being like, there is some electricity here I have never felt before. Just this, like, raw magnetism. And then we had sex, and it was the same thing. And I was just like, oh, my God, this. Wow.

[Andrea Gunning]

After their fling, he and Jacques followed.

[Ryan]

Each other on Instagram. Summer was nearly over when they met, so Ryan returned to his regular teaching.

[Andrea Gunning]

Position in the city without seeing him again.

[Ryan]

Over the next few years, their only contact was the occasional emoji dm.

[Andrea Gunning]

That was until Ryan posted a photo from his family vacation.

[Jacques]

I was in St. Barts with my family, and he had DM'd me because I posted a picture. He was like, that's my favorite place on the planet. And he grew up on St. Barts. Then we started talking, and immediately, just very much back and forth, flirting, vulgar, not vulgar. Like, all the things. And if I feel something, I'm going to materialize it to words and share it with you. And so I shared with him that, like, I had never felt something so electric, something so magnetic as the, like, afternoon that we spent together. And I will never be able to stop thinking about it. And he's echoing the same thing back to me. And so then we were going back and forth and it was just a matter from then, who's going to go visit who first.

[Andrea Gunning]

Even though it was a few years since they met, their chemistry still felt electric. Ryan had moved back to New York City and Jock was living in Miami, so Ryan made plans to go visit him there. A couple days before Ryan was set to arrive, Jacques called.

[Jacques]

He's like, I've got some bad news. I have a friend that's going through something and she has a restraining order against her husband who has been physically abusing her, and she's taking her kid with her and needs a place to stay, so she's going to stay at my apartment.

[Andrea Gunning]

It wasn't ideal, but he was struck by Jacques's generosity.

[Jacques]

I'm just like, that's so nice of you. I'm so sorry that your friend is going through that.

[Andrea Gunning]

They weren't able to stay together at Jacques's place, but Jacques had a solution.

[Ryan]

A friend with an Airbnb said that.

[Andrea Gunning]

They could use it at a discount.

[Ryan]

So ryan paid him $500 for the.

[Andrea Gunning]

Place and boarded a plane to Miami.

[Jacques]

And I remember seeing him and this was the first time I was seeing him in four years. Being like I am in big trouble immediately was just like ah. Like the heart started picking up all the things butterflies was like here we go.

[Ryan]

Attention parents and grandparents, Are you searching for the perfect gift for your kids this holiday season? Give the gift of adventure that will last all year long. A Guardian Bike the easiest, safest and quickest bikes for kids to learn on Kids are learning to ride in just one day. No training wheels needed. I recently got my niece a Guardian bike and it's been amazing watching her learn to ride without training wheels. The bike's intuitive design made it easy for her to balance and with a bit of help from her grandparents, she was off on her own in no time. It's given her such a boost of confidence. She feels so free and independent every time she rides. Watching her reach this milestone has been priceless and Guardian made it truly special. Join the hundreds of thousands of happy families by getting a Guardian bike today. Their holiday sales have begun offering the biggest deal of the year. Save up to 33% on bikes. No code needed plus get free shipping and a free bike lock and pump with your first purchase after signing up for their newsletter. Visit guardianbikes.com to take advantage of these deals and secure your holiday gifts today. Happy riding.

[Bartisian Advertiser]

Black Friday is coming. And for the adults in your life who love the coolest toys, well, there's something for them this year too. Bartisian is the premier craft cocktail maker that automatically makes more than 60 seasonal and classic cocktails each in under 30 seconds at the push of a button. And right now Bartisian is having a huge site wide sale. You can get $100 off any cocktail maker or cocktail maker bundle when you spend $400 or more. So if the cocktail lover in your life has been good this year or the right kind of bad, get them Bartesian at the push of a button. Make bar quality Cosmopolitans, Martinis, Manhattans and more all in just 30 seconds. All for 100 off Amazing toys aren't just for kids. Get a hundred off a cocktail maker when you spend 400 through Cyber Monday. Visit bartesian.com cocktail that's B A R T E S I A N dot.

[Andrea Gunning]

Com cocktail for a gift that's always.

[Masterclass Advertiser]

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[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan took that first weekend with Jacques slow. He already knew they had a magnetic attraction. He wanted to get to know Jacques on a deeper level.

[Jacques]

I'm at this point in my life where like I want to start my next chapter, my settling down chapter, at least in terms of personal life.

[Andrea Gunning]

They stayed up late and talked about their lives. Jacques had multiple citizenships, spoke four languages and owned homes around the world, all thanks to his illustrious career.

[Jacques]

He was a very decorated marketing professional. He had worked for three huge luxury designer brands over in their Europe offices. He had worked for one of the most premier hotel organizations as well, which was the job that he was in at the time. I was just like, wow, you are impressive. Impressive.

[Andrea Gunning]

He traveled for work nearly every week and was really well connected, which came with a lot of perks. It wasn't just his resume that impressed Ryan, it was also his commitment to health and fitness.

[Jacques]

He would get up at 5 or 5:30 every morning, first thing he would do is work out. He also didn't drink. So it was all these values that I was connecting to. But what the stickiness was was the emotional vulnerability and access that he was giving.

[Andrea Gunning]

Like Ryan, he was present, emotionally intelligent, empathetic.

[Jacques]

We talked at the end of the weekend right before I was about to leave. So I was like, well, what are we doing here? Am I coming back down here? Are you coming up to visit me? Like, are we moving forward with this? And he was like, yeah, absolutely. And so I left, excited, but also like, what are we Then, which sounds crazy after spending one weekend. But again, for me, I was like, I've known you since 2019. We've talked throughout these past four years. So, like, a foundation has been set.

[Andrea Gunning]

Jacques was the full package, the right guy that Ryan had been waiting for when he went back to New York. Ryan was almost giddy.

[Jacques]

We were texting, like, all day, every day, pretty much, like, first text in the morning, last text at night.

[Andrea Gunning]

They made plans for Ryan to go to Miami again just a few weeks later, and this time he stayed at Jack's apartment. It was all white with tall ceilings and big glass windows. Ryan could see himself spending a lot more time there.

[Jacques]

And so I asked him, like, what is this? Like, I left unsure. Are we still, like, dating around in the places that we live, whatever? He was like, oh, no. Ever since you left, I've stopped that.

[Andrea Gunning]

That night, they made it official. And to seal the deal, he tells.

[Jacques]

Me that he loves me, and usually I'm the person that gives that away real early in a relationship. And I was just like, finally, like, somebody is as emotionally open and ready to be vulnerable as I am and, like, feels as deeply as I do and all these things.

[Andrea Gunning]

They started dating long distance, but that didn't stop them from daydreaming about their future together.

[Jacques]

He was like, I definitely want to get married to somebody. I do think I want to have kids. And, like, whenever we talked about that, it was always talking about it as, I want you as that person.

[Andrea Gunning]

The distance became excruciating. After every visit, Ryan fell more in love with Jacques and with Miami.

[Jacques]

I would cry in the Uber on the way to the airport, cry on the plane. And a part of it was because, yes, I was saying goodbye to him, but also it's because, like, I was saying goodbye to Miami. And I loved being here, loved being here.

[Andrea Gunning]

One day when Ryan was back in New York, he got a surprising text from Jacques.

[Jacques]

He sends me a picture in, like, the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, and it's of his left ring finger, and it says 3, 19, 20, 23.

[Andrea Gunning]

That date was their anniversary, the day they made it official.

[Jacques]

And like, for me back then, I was like, I make moves like that, scary moves like that. Like, nobody's ever done that. And so I was just like, wow, this is real, real, real, real. And so I was just like, hook, line, sinker. Like, when are we making this happen? When am I moving here?

[Andrea Gunning]

They started making plans for Ryan to move in. He couldn't get a full time teaching position in Miami until Next year. So he'd have to pick up classes when he could.

[Jacques]

And so I'm gonna get. I don't know how many classes, but I'm, like, very much paid per class, so I'm going to be taking a pay cut from what I have right now. And he was like, don't worry about a thing. I will cover rent. I will cover all this stuff, maybe help out with groceries every week. And I was like, I can do that.

[Andrea Gunning]

At the time, Jacques was the CMO at a luxury hotel brand. He could afford to cover some of their bills. Before they took the big step to move in together, Ryan invited him to meet his parents, who'd also relocated to Florida. His parents loved the idea of Ryan being close by when they met for dinner. Jacques made a big first impression.

[Jacques]

He was very good at sharing all these stories about how this hotel brand had locations all around the world and that he had been to 90% of them on, like, the company's jet with the CEO, all of this stuff.

[Andrea Gunning]

In fact, Jacques arrived at the dinner straight from a day of work at the CEO's estate.

[Jacques]

He showed up, having just gotten back from his house, working there for the day and everything, saying that he ate a great salad that was prepared by his chef and all these things and whatnot. First name dropping, first name dropping. And so it was just like, okay, cool.

[Andrea Gunning]

Jacques seemed a bit nervous, but he passed the test for Ryan's parents. After that, the move to Miami was just a matter of logistics.

[Jacques]

We had settled on a date of end of August for me to move to Miami. And he was like, I'll take care of everything. You just have to pay for the flight.

[Andrea Gunning]

When he got there, life with Jacques was better than he imagined.

[Jacques]

It was like a honeymoon. I was also just like, honeymooning with Miami. I was just over indexing on joy, cooking at home every night, you know, going to walk his dog, our dog. And so it very much felt like, wow, this is it.

[Andrea Gunning]

He knew Jacques was the one. And it came from the simple moments.

[Jacques]

I was there at the park with him, and he was, like, holding my hand or had his arm around me and all this stuff. And I was just like, wow, you are really proud to be my boyfriend.

[Andrea Gunning]

Everything was going smoothly until one day Jacques came home and said he quit.

[Ryan]

His executive marketing job Just out of the blue.

[Jacques]

He just walked in one day and was like, I just quit. I was like, what?

[Andrea Gunning]

The announcement rattled Ryan, especially considering that Jacques assured him that he would support the couple financially.

[Jacques]

But he owned two apartments in Paris and So he was getting like a steady stream of monthly income from that.

[Andrea Gunning]

And he was well connected in the marketing world. He said he'd find another job, no problem. And Ryan trusted him. Ryan focused on settling into the new city, making friends, and exploring Miami's music scene. One of his favorite bands was coming into town, so he borrowed his dad's.

[Ryan]

Credit card to get pre sale tickets.

[Andrea Gunning]

A few weeks later, Ryan logged in to pay off the bill.

[Jacques]

The balance was a lot higher than what the tickets were for. And so I look and there's two line items. One was Ticketmaster, the other was for $990. And it was something, something like a name of some sorts. Fort Lauderdale. And so I was like, okay, that's weird.

[Ryan]

He contested the charge and submitted a report. And he told his parents to keep.

[Andrea Gunning]

Him posted about the fraudulent charge.

[Ryan]

A few weeks later, he was in.

[Andrea Gunning]

Between teaching classes when he got a.

[Ryan]

Text from his mom. She wanted to talk on the phone right away.

[Andrea Gunning]

Her formality scared him.

[Ryan]

He feared a family emergency.

[Jacques]

And so I called and she goes, are you at home right now? And I was like, no. And she was like, great. And then my dad goes, hey, Ry. And I very much realized I was on speaker. Both of them were on the phone. That never happened. They were like. So we got the results back from American Express, and it turns out that that charge is very real. It's a shock, and it's for a divorce lawyer. Did you know that he was married?

[Ryan]

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[Andrea Gunning]

Com cocktail for a gift that's always.

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[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan's parents called him with news about a fraudulent charge on their credit card. They'd done a full investigation and traced the charge to a divorce lawyer in Fort Lauderdale. What they found was Jacques had met with a lawyer and he charged that meeting to their amex.

[Jacques]

I started crying, freaking out, hysterics and I was like, I'm gonna call you in an hour. I have to go teach right now. So I hung up. I went in to teach the class somehow, and I'm just like, everything is falling apart very quickly. I get out of class, I rush out of there like Cruella Deville in 101 Dalmatians. Death gripping the wheel, red eyed, just like mad. And I'm talking to my parents about it. They're like, what are you going to do? And I was like, I mean, I'm going home right now to talk to this man. And they're like, obviously you have to leave him. Yeah, I mean, probably.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan wanted answers. He needed to hear Jacques explain himself.

[Jacques]

I go to our apartment and I throw the credit card at him. He's sitting on the couch and I scream, do you recognize these numbers? And he's like, what are you talking about? Hands up, on guard. I was just like, do you recognize these numbers? He was like, why do you keep asking me that? And I was like, there was a credit card charge for over $900 that was for a divorce lawyer based in Fort Lauderdale, and the invoice had your name on it. And he was like, that's crazy. Why would I use your credit card to do that? I was like, I don't know, like, you tell me. And he was just so aggressively denying it, even though, like, the cold, hard evidence was right there.

[Andrea Gunning]

They fought that whole night until Jacques finally confessed that yes, he was in the process of getting divorced.

[Jacques]

He was basically saying things like, it was all for a green card. We were dating, but we agreed to get married and whatever. And then, you know, it ended and he was using me like I was the provider and whatnot. And I had to get out of there, basically saying things like that. And so for me, I was like, I don't know if there's really that much there.

[Andrea Gunning]

He said that using Ryan's credit card or his parents credit card, rather, was just an accident. But that confession was quickly overshadowed by what Ryan discovered next. He wanted to search Jacques's phone to see if there was anything else he was hiding.

[Jacques]

I was like, give me your phone. And so he hands it to me. I immediately go to his Instagram and his text messages and There are over 30, 40 conversations with all different guys. It varies from dirty talk to sending pictures to sending videos, to proof that he invited men over, dating back to when we had started dating in March, and all throughout.

[Andrea Gunning]

For each person he talked to, Jacques was putting on a totally different Persona. And Ryan didn't Recognize any of them.

[Jacques]

I remember distinctly saying to him, I do like dirty talk, especially if we're going to do long distance, pictures, videos, whatever. I want to feel physically connected to you. And he's like, it's so outside of my comfort zone, but I'm gonna work on it. It never happened. Never happened. And so the stuff that I was reading, even though it's something that I like doing, was to a level I would never say. And so I'm like screaming at him about that. You seem to have no problem being like this.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan scrolled through Jacques messages with dozens of guys. He was furious and heartbroken, but also confused because Jacques didn't have one story about his life, he had many.

[Jacques]

There were so many different ways that he was talking to these guys where sometimes they would call him out and be like, I thought you were seeing somebody. And he would respond with, yeah, so like, nothing's going to happen here. And then the next time if somebody said that to him, he'd be like, yeah, but I can do whatever I want. Or yeah, but we're in an open relationship. Or like, he doesn't have to know anything like that. And so I'm just reading all of this. Those messages he couldn't deny, and surprisingly he didn't. But he created a story.

[Andrea Gunning]

Jacques's story was that these flings happened before he started dating Ryan. But it was a bold lie considering Ryan could see the timestamps on the messages and knew it wasn't true. So he decided to DM one of the guys.

[Jacques]

And so there was this one guy that I got the sense that he had been over a lot. I just said, hey, what's up? And he goes, hey. Cause my like front grid had pictures of me and Jacques together. Can you let your boyfriend know that he owes me $60? And I was like, jesus Christ. I said, I'll do my best, but I'm gonna let you know you're probably not gonna see that money back.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan confronted him again and that's when he saw a new side of Jacques.

[Jacques]

He then starts to have a full on breakdown in front of me and was just losing it. I'd never seen him really cry before. And he was like, you know, I grew up as kind of a fat kid, was bullied a lot, was not looked at in any sort of, you know, attractive way. And ever since I started working on myself, I've been getting a lot of attention. And it's the first time that I'm really receiving that and I obviously enjoyed it. But then it's very clear that I enjoyed it too much, and I never meant to hurt you.

[Andrea Gunning]

Seeing Jacques distraught and vulnerable triggered Ryan's need to help to make it better.

[Jacques]

There is a part inside of me that did not want to admit that what I had been waiting for for quite some time that had finally arrived. I was not ready to let go. I was really holding on to, like, no, this. I. I found him. This is it. This is my person. I'm fighting for this.

[Andrea Gunning]

It also reminded him of his own rock bottom 10 years earlier, when his boyfriend at the time stuck by him and got him the help he needed to get sober.

[Jacques]

When I had hit rock bottom, my boyfriend at the time had stayed with me. And I was like, this feels like Jacques's emotional rock bottom, and this is my chance to pay it forward and be there for my partner. And so I decided to stay.

[Andrea Gunning]

Jacques was talking about his mistakes openly with Ryan, which felt like the right step. And Ryan knew that relationships were nuanced.

[Jacques]

I had always worked through or tried my best to work through the tougher moments in relationships because realistically, they're not perfect. He was willing to go to therapy by himself, and with me, he was showing up and, like, fully surrendering, which for me is what I did 10 years ago for myself.

[Andrea Gunning]

So they set up new boundaries, boundaries that Jock agreed to.

[Jacques]

He was agreeing to anything. I said, you will not have access to Instagram. Instagram is now under my email and my phone number, and I'm changing the password and whatnot.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan was comfortable giving Jacques a second chance. But when he told his parents, they were not happy. They had done their own research on.

[Jacques]

Jacques when the divorce lawyer charge came through. They had done their research and found that when you Google him, it's his LinkedIn. And then it's a court case.

[Andrea Gunning]

Jacques was named in a lawsuit over.

[Ryan]

An illegal sublet and unpaid rent scheme in the Hamptons. The case amounted to fraud worth over $100,000.

[Andrea Gunning]

But there was an explanation. It was his ex husband, the one from the green card marriage. He was actually the one responsible for those charges. But because they were married, Jacques was also named on the lawsuit.

[Jacques]

I'm talking to my parents about it, and they're bringing up the court case. I'm like, no, he's been cleared of that. They had no case or whatever, and I'm waiting for him to get the documents, like, I'll send it to you.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan's parents didn't buy it, and in fact, it created a rift between them, the first one they ever had.

[Jacques]

My mom and I did not talk. I would occasionally talk to my dad.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan doubled down and said he wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving if Jacques couldn't come too. He felt that Jacques deserved a second chance just like everyone else. And his parents just didn't understand. Soon, Jacques was no longer the problem. The problem became Ryan's parents.

[Jacques]

When I started to, like, not believe him and start to question him, he would always say, you sound just like your mom right now.

[Andrea Gunning]

During this time, Ryan needed to buy a new car for work. With their relationships seemingly on the right track, he and Jacques decided to go in on their dream car together.

[Jacques]

We both really wanted a Ford Bronco really badly, and so we had bought one. He said that we're not going to get approved for it if my name's on it, because my credit's really bad because I just bought this apartment and sold the other one. And so I was like, oh, that's fine. Like, I'll put my name on it. And he was like, we'll just split the monthly payments and whatnot.

[Andrea Gunning]

They ordered the car and had it fully customized.

[Jacques]

It was all in $92,000, which I was fine with, because for me, I was still like, I can afford half of the monthly payments, as long as you're paying half.

[Andrea Gunning]

Then the first car payment came.

[Jacques]

I Venmo request him for it. He gets it back to me immediately. And then I get all the emails from Venmo. It's all that transaction. And then there's One from like 20 minutes before that says that I paid Jacques $800. And I was like, no, I didn't. I requested something around that from him, but I did not pay him. And so I was like, that's weird. So before I bring it up, I was like, let me go into my app, look at the ledger. It's very much there that I had paid him $800. And then there's also me paying $180 two days before, and then about 150 a day before that. I for sure did not do any of those.

[Andrea Gunning]

But Ryan never got an email receipt about these payments.

[Jacques]

So I was like, let me look at the trash bin. And that's where the emails were. Those are the only two emails sitting in there. And that's when I absolutely knew that it was him, because I don't delete emails because I'm afraid I'm going to need something. So I archive all my emails. And so he had gone into my phone, paid himself, and then went into my email and Cleared the history of.

[Andrea Gunning]

It there it was proof that Jacques was not only stealing money from him, but he was covering it up.

[Jacques]

And it was after the fact of that instance where, like, you hit to me what I called your rock bottom. But it turns out it's not. This is just who you are. It's just who you are. That was that.

[Andrea Gunning]

When Ryan made this discovery, Jacques was out of the house. So he took the opportunity to run.

[Jacques]

He was out walking his dog. And I got as much stuff as I could of mine and left. Called my parents. My mom and I were both hysterically crying over the phone just because, like, my dad's in his 70s, my mom's in her 60s, and I lost being able to go see her. I was going to do that in October, and I was going to do that in November, and I didn't. And I even canceled going to Thanksgiving with them because I was like, I'm not going to Thanksgiving if my boyfriend's not allowed to come to Thanksgiving. And I had said no to my parents because of this. I felt so bad. I felt so sorry because, like, I didn't believe my parents or I didn't want to listen to them, and it sucked. That's just time that I'll never get back. That he stole. And granted, it could have been a lot longer. Could have signed off for the rest of my life with this man and therefore signed off for the rest of my life with my parents.

[Andrea Gunning]

His parents forgave him immediately, but the process of leaving Jacques was just beginning then.

[Jacques]

It was very much like Operation Rescue. And so I stayed in a hotel for a week.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with this man. And now he wasn't sure of anything he'd been told was true. He needed to talk to Jacques's ex husband, you know, from the green card marriage.

[Jacques]

I was just like, I don't think I can sink any lower right now. So, like, let's at least see. So I was like, hey, this is Ryan. I was dating Jacques and just broke up with him, and I'd just love to talk to you about your experience. The first thing that he said to me was, that man is scum and deserves to be in jail. And I was just like, okay, we can talk. We can talk.

[Andrea Gunning]

His ex had a lot to say about Jacques, especially the lies he discovered in their marriage.

[Jacques]

Jacques had claimed that not only was he French and therefore a citizen of there, he was also a dual citizen of Israel, and he had fought in the idf. They were in Their government interview before their wedding. And the official had asked Jacques, have you ever served in an international military service? And Jacques just flat out said no. And his ex sat next to him, being like, in his mind, like, obviously not going to bring it up in front of a government official, but like, why are you lying to this person?

[Ryan]

Did he ever fight in the idf?

[Andrea Gunning]

Or was that another lie?

[Ryan]

All those stories Jacques told him about.

[Andrea Gunning]

How his ex husband was leeching off him. The opposite was true. Ryan and Jacques's ex talked almost every week for those first few months. They were both members of a crappy club.

[Jacques]

He is such a good guy and in their relationship was the provider and was so generous with Jacques. Again, really believed that he also had found this person.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan also found a mutual friend, someone who'd known Jacques in Saint Barts. He'd been invited to Jacques's childhood home, which was a huge mansion.

[Jacques]

He looked it up. It's an Airbnb that he rented.

[Andrea Gunning]

After Ryan got out of the relationship and started to see the deception and lies for what they were, he developed a new theory about Jacques. Jacques had always seemed to be so perceptive. He always knew what Ryan was thinking and what he was worried about before he even said anything. But maybe it was more sinister than just intuition. When Jacques was out of the apartment, Ryan would talk on the phone to his friends, his parents, his therapist.

[Jacques]

He has a ring camera or whatever for his dog. And he would pick up on the conversations and listen to them. He listened to every single one of my therapy sessions. He would leave the apartment and sit somewhere else, but he was very much tuning in and listening to the entire hour. That's like the long con of it all, which is just like, I need to know what is making this guy tick right now so I can hold on and keep pulling from him.

[Andrea Gunning]

No wonder he was so intuitive. He was listening in on Ryan's therapy sessions all along.

[Ryan]

It was total manipulation to make Ryan feel like Jacques truly saw him, understood him, loved him. How much money did Ryan lose in this relationship?

[Andrea Gunning]

This is what he estimates it is.

[Jacques]

$50,000. This car was put under my name. Obviously I took it with me when I left. And at some point I was like, this is stupid for me to have. And so I went to sell it, thinking, oh, my God, I'm going to make money off of this. This is great. Apparently I was kind of an idiot to not read the fine print and just trust, but we had bought it, I think $20,000 over MSRP, because at that point, Ford Broncos were so heavy in demand. And then in a matter of four months, nobody really wants them. And so when I went to sell it, I sold it into a loss of $42,000.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan stayed in Florida and so did Jacques in the same apartment. Ryan doesn't want to leave Miami because he loves it there. They have run into each other from a distance.

[Jacques]

I saw him walking into his building because unfortunately, part of my commute is to drive by that building. And he was walking in with his dog, wearing a black hoodie. And I just like, ugh. And I realized that the back of his sweatshirt says sad dads on it, which is from the national, the band, a concert that I had gone to right before I left New York to come down here. He was wearing my sweatshirt. I thought that I had lost that sweatshirt.

[Andrea Gunning]

It's strange watching from the sidelines as Jacques continues a life of deception and lies. As for that tattoo that Jacques got, the one with their anniversary date on his finger, it was one of many tattoos. Jacques had tattoos that Ryan now sees differently.

[Jacques]

He has one, it's like a dove and then it goes into a name. And I was like, who's that? And he says, oh, that was my friend in France and we were on motorcycles together and I watched a car hit him and he died. And now looking back, I'm just like, that was an ex boyfriend. That was an ex boyfriend for me. Like, I have to have some fun or like, find some comedy in it. I said to my friend, I wonder how I died. I wonder what my story is. I'd really love to know.

[Andrea Gunning]

Ryan's ready to let go of the shame and self blame he felt after this betrayal. And telling his story is part of that release. We end all of our weekly episodes with the same question. Why did you want to tell your story?

[Jacques]

I'm hoping that this is the final release for me. This is no longer just mine. This is somebody else's to connect to and be like, I didn't think this could happen to me, but like, it actually can because it can happen to anybody. Thank God I'm not the only one.

[Andrea Gunning]

On the next episode of betrayal.

[Jacques]

People who are in this incredibly vulnerable spot of trying to be better for their children. If I were evil, I would leave that one alone. You know, that seems like a line.

[Andrea Gunning]

If you would like to reach out to the betrayal team or want to tell us your betrayal story, email [e-mail] that's betrayal p o-mail.com we're grateful for your support. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners. Listeners Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison, hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Laborde. Also produced by Ben Federman. Associate producers are Kristen Melcuri and Caitlin Golden. Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Kryncheck. Audio editing and mixing by Matt D'Alvecchio.

[Ryan]

Additional editing support from Nico Aruka and Tanner Robbins.

[Andrea Gunning]

Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Baines Music Library provided by MIB Music and for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Bartisian Advertiser]

Black Friday is coming. And for the adults in your life who love the coolest toys, well, there's something for them this year too. Bartisian is the premier craft cocktail maker that automatically makes more than 60 seasonal and classic cocktails each in under 30 seconds at the push of a button. And right now Bartisian is having a huge site wide sale. You can get $100 off any cocktail maker or cocktail maker bundle when you spend $400 or more. So if the cocktail lover in your life has been good this year or the right kind of bad, get them Bartesian at the push of a button. Make bar quality Cosmopolitans, Martinis, Manhattans and more all in just 30 seconds. All for 100 off. Amazing toys aren't just for kids. Get a hundred off a cocktail maker when you spend 400 through Cyber Monday. Visit bartesian.com cocktail that's B A R T E S I A N.com/cocktail now.

[Detective Alex Cross]

Streaming on Prime Video. You can call me Detective Alex Cross. Based on characters created by James Patterson. We have to catch this serial killer. I don't kill for foot. And created by Ben Watkins. Ms. Keller thinks he's the smartest guy in the room. Aldis Hodge is DC's funnest Alex Cross. If we don't find him soon, we may never have another chance.

[Andrea Gunning]

Clock's ticking.

[Detective Alex Cross]

You think you can stop him? I know I can. Cuz I know him better than he knows himself. Cross a new original series only on Prime Video. Watch now.

[Ryan]

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[Masterclass Advertiser]

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[Ryan]

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