Betrayal: Weekly – Episode 24: Deb

Release Date: January 16, 2025

Introduction

Betrayal: Weekly, hosted by Andrea Gunning, delves into real-life stories of broken trust, deception, and the resilience of individuals overcoming profound betrayals. In Episode 24, titled "Deb," Andrea interviews Deb Proctor, a retired senior director of her tribe's domestic violence program and a former nurse. This episode unpacks Deb's harrowing journey through betrayal, addiction, and ultimate healing after discovering her husband, Jeff Walton, was living a fabricated life.

Deb Proctor's Early Life and Background

Deb Proctor hails from the Cherokee Nation in Oklahoma, deeply rooted in her Native American heritage. Her resilience stems from witnessing intergenerational trauma; Deb recounts, “[...] my grandmother was a survivor of many, many situations in her life” (03:40). Her father, also a victim of unresolved trauma, served as a councilman, instilling in Deb a strong sense of community service and leadership.

Growing up in an environment marked by violence and emotional turmoil, Deb developed acute intuition and sensitivity, traits that later played a pivotal role in recognizing deception. She shares, “When you mention bullshit detectors, I can spot them a football field away or further” (02:55).

Meeting and Marrying Jeff Walton

At 41, after years of focusing on her sons and personal healing post-divorce, Deb ventured into online dating—a novel concept in 1997. She connected with Jeff Walton, whose romantic profile and shared interests in golf and Native American culture captivated her. Deb recalls, “I was just smitten with him” (08:40).

Their correspondence was swift and meaningful, leading to a memorable in-person meeting where Jeff proposed, to which Deb eagerly accepted. They married on April 23, 2000, marking the anniversary of their first meeting. Jeff's charisma and shared passions made Deb believe she had found her soulmate.

Life Together and Marriage Challenges

Initially, Deb and Jeff enjoyed a harmonious marriage, bonding over activities like golf. However, subtle tensions surfaced during their first golf trip when Jeff inexplicably won a game, leading Deb's friends to distance themselves from him. Deb notes, “I felt like everybody was mistreating him” (14:58), hinting at underlying issues.

As Jeff struggled to secure steady employment, Deb discovered discrepancies in his background. An old resume revealed he was a Vietnam veteran—information Jeff had never disclosed. Confronted, Jeff provided an elaborate but questionable war story, deepening Deb's suspicions. She states, “He was a scam, but there's no charges that I could file” (39:22).

Jeff's Health Crisis and Initial Suspicions

A turning point occurred when Jeff suffered a major heart attack, necessitating ongoing medical care. Deb insisted on utilizing VA resources, but Jeff's reluctance raised red flags. He revealed that he was dishonorably discharged for reporting office misconduct, a claim that didn’t align with Deb's understanding of his supposed military service. This discrepancy fueled her doubts about his true identity.

Complications intensified when Jeff experienced a stroke, resulting in memory loss contradicting the neurologist's assessment. Deb's frustration grew as Jeff refused further assistance, leading her to question his authenticity. “Every day I would come home and I would go, well share your story with me. Oh, I couldn't work on it today” (26:59).

Discovery of the Betrayal

The revelation came unexpectedly when Canadian police contacted Deb, searching for Ron Stan, a missing person presumed dead after a barn fire in 1977. The officer explained that Ron Stan had been living under the alias Jeff Walton within the Cherokee Nation. Deb was aghast, realizing her husband was a complete fraud. She recounts, “My whole body responded, and all I could think of was, who are you? How could you do this?” (36:14).

Further investigation unveiled that Jeff had faked his death to escape impending trouble related to inappropriate relationships with young college girls. He had meticulously constructed his new identity, even securing Social Security benefits under a stolen name. Deb learns, “He used this Social Security and false name. I don't know how anybody pulls this off” (41:31).

Aftermath and Emotional Recovery

Shaken by the betrayal, Deb sought immediate legal action, filing for divorce with assistance from her tribe’s domestic violence services. The media frenzy that followed added to her turmoil, as Deb navigated through public scrutiny and personal heartbreak. She describes the emotional devastation, “I just remember it was a profound moment... How does another human do this to a human in the guise of love?” (45:44).

To cope, Deb enrolled in a 30-day rehab program, confronting her addiction to alcohol which had become a coping mechanism. This period of sobriety granted her clarity, allowing her to reassess Jeff's behavior critically. Deb emphasizes, “I made a commitment to go forward, I will keep my sobriety” (47:04), highlighting her determination to rebuild her life.

Current Life and Lessons Learned

Eleven years into her sobriety, Deb found new love, marrying a man who shares her interests and commitment to sobriety. Their relationship stands as a testament to her belief in open-heartedness and personal resilience. Deb reflects, “If my story could help others identify lies from their partner earlier... We can heal and we can have a good life” (50:14).

Her professional life flourished as she took on a leadership role within her tribe, providing support to domestic violence victims. Deb attributes her effectiveness to the personal healing journey she undertook, asserting, “We can't help others adequately or appropriately if we haven't begun our own work to heal” (48:23).

Conclusion

Deb Proctor's story, as shared in Betrayal: Weekly, underscores the profound impact of deception and the strength required to overcome it. Her journey from betrayal to healing serves as an inspiring narrative of resilience, self-discovery, and the power of maintaining an open heart despite profound hurt. Deb’s commitment to helping others and her ability to rebuild her life exemplify the human capacity to rise above even the most devastating betrayals.

Notable Quotes

• Deb Proctor (02:55): “When you mention bullshit detectors, I can spot them a football field away or further.”

• Deb Proctor (08:40): “I was just smitten with him.”

• Deb Proctor (14:58): “I felt like everybody was mistreating him.”

• Deb Proctor (26:59): “Every day I would come home and I would go, well share your story with me. Oh, I couldn't work on it today.”

• Deb Proctor (36:14): “My whole body responded, and all I could think of was, who are you? How could you do this?”

• Deb Proctor (41:31): “He used this Social Security and false name. I don't know how anybody pulls this off.”

• Deb Proctor (45:44): “I just remember it was a profound moment... How does another human do this to a human in the guise of love?”

• Deb Proctor (47:04): “I made a commitment to go forward, I will keep my sobriety.”

• Deb Proctor (50:14): “If my story could help others identify lies from their partner earlier... We can heal and we can have a good life.”

Timestamp Reference

For easy navigation, noteworthy moments in Deb's story are marked with timestamps corresponding to the transcript:

• 02:55: Deb's intuition and ability to detect deceit.
• 08:40: Deb's enchantment with Jeff Walton.
• 14:58: Friends' reaction to Jeff during golf trip.
• 26:59: Deb's strategy to uncover Jeff's true identity.
• 36:14: Realization of Jeff’s true identity.
• 41:31: Jeff's use of a false identity.
• 45:44: Emotional impact of betrayal.
• 47:04: Commitment to sobriety and moving forward.
• 50:14: Motivations behind sharing her story.

Listen to Episode 24: Deb on Betrayal: Weekly to explore this compelling story of trust, deception, and resilience.