Abby | Betrayal Weekly

Summary

Betrayal: Weekly - Episode 27: "Abby"

Release Date: February 6, 2025
Host: Andrea Gunning
Produced by iHeartPodcasts and Glass Podcasts

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Introduction

In Episode 27 of Betrayal: Weekly, host Andrea Gunning delves into the intricate and heart-wrenching story of Abby Ellen and her tumultuous relationship with Richard, a man whose charming façade ultimately concealed a web of deceit and criminal activity. This episode masterfully intertwines themes of trust, manipulation, and resilience, offering listeners a comprehensive exploration of betrayal's multifaceted impact.

Background: Abby Ellen's Journey

Abby Ellen, an accomplished independent journalist with credits in esteemed publications like The New York Times and The Washington Post, has always possessed an innate curiosity and a relentless pursuit of the truth. As Andrea highlights, "Storytelling comes naturally to her" (03:09), a trait that would later become pivotal in uncovering the layers of deception crafted by Richard.

From her early days on the children's show Romper Room, where she was determined to uncover the truth behind the "magic mirror," Abby's inquisitive nature set the foundation for her investigative career. Her transition from writing women's magazines in the 90s to cold-pitching hard-hitting stories to major newspapers exemplifies her dedication to meaningful journalism (04:09).

The Relationship: Meeting Richard

Abby's personal life took a dramatic turn when she met Richard, a Navy doctor with an impressive but enigmatic background. Their connection seemed almost predestined, aligning with a psychic's prediction that Andrea recounts: "And it seemed almost... meant to be" (11:12). Richard's initial charm, marked by thoughtful gestures like sending a navy cap (13:47) and organizing glamorous dates at the Four Seasons (13:12), quickly enamored Abby.

Despite the age difference—Richard was 58 and Abby 42—their bond deepened through regular visits and affectionate interactions. Richard's professional accomplishments and his portrayal as a devoted family man further solidified Abby's trust in him (14:00; 14:48).

Unveiling the Betrayal: Red Flags and Lies

As their relationship progressed, subtle inconsistencies began to emerge. Richard's frequent absences for "secret missions" and his reluctance to divulge details about his work raised Abby's suspicions (15:06). Her investigative instincts, honed through journalism, prompted her to delve deeper into Richard's background.

The first significant red flag appeared when Richard claimed to have treated Osama Bin Laden at Guantanamo Bay—a claim that, given the political climate of the mid-2000s, was implausible (18:12). Abby's attempts to verify this through her network hit dead ends, yet Richard maintained the narrative, deepening her curiosity and concern (19:42; 22:12).

Another pivotal moment was a seemingly innocuous lie during a dinner with Abby's parents. Richard praised a dish at the restaurant, only to privately express disdain for the same meal (29:00). This dissonance between his public and private persona shattered Abby's trust, highlighting his compulsion to fabricate and deceive (29:14).

Fact-Checking and Investigation: The Path to Truth

Determined to uncover the truth, Abby embarked on a meticulous investigation into Richard's claims. Her efforts included:

1. Verifying Military Credentials: Abby consulted a Navy SEAL impersonation expert who confirmed that Richard was not a SEAL, debunking one of his significant fabrications (32:56; 42:10).

2. Tracking Fraudulent Activities: A turning point came when Abby received a call from NCIS informing her that her name was linked to fraudulent narcotics prescriptions written by a Navy doctor named Richard (37:01). This revelation prompted her to confront the inconsistencies in Richard's past.

3. Connecting with Richard's Past Relationships: Abby reached out to Richard's ex-wife and former girlfriends, uncovering a pattern of deceit and manipulation. Notably, Christine, one of Richard's ex-partners, revealed that his disappearance coincided with his secret missions, adding another layer to his fraudulent activities (39:30; 40:11).

4. Exposing Criminal Activities: The final blow came when Gail, Richard's last con, cooperated with authorities after discovering his prescription fraud. Her betrayal underscored the extent of Richard's deception and the devastating impact on his victims (41:31; 41:01).

Consequences and Aftermath: Life After Betrayal

Richard's fraudulent activities culminated in his arrest and subsequent guilty plea to two felony charges of prescription fraud. During sentencing, he attributed his addiction to coping with a girlfriend's terminal cancer diagnosis, a claim that painted a complex picture of his motivations (41:31; 42:07).

For Abby, the aftermath involved not only heartbreaking revelations about Richard but also a journey of personal growth and resilience. She authored a book titled Duped, which extends beyond her personal story to explore the broader phenomenon of being deceived. Through her research, Abby uncovered concepts like "betrayal blindness"—a term coined by Dr. Jennifer Fried—explaining why even the most discerning individuals can fall victim to manipulation (43:00; 43:56).

Abby's narrative emphasizes that trust, while foundational to society, can be exploited, leading to profound personal and social consequences. Her work underscores the importance of understanding the psychology behind deception and the societal repercussions when trust is broken (44:24; 44:56).

Insights and Conclusions: Lessons from Betrayal

The episode concludes with profound insights into the nature of trust and deception. Abby reflects on her journey, stating, "Instead of covering international relations, today, I mostly report on fraud" (45:03). Her experience with Richard not only altered her career trajectory but also deepened her understanding of human resilience and the complexities of rebuilding trust after betrayal (45:09; 45:36).

Richard, on the other hand, remains unapologetic, viewing his experiences as mere stories rather than acknowledging the profound hurt caused (45:48). This contrast between Abby's introspection and Richard's detachment highlights the varied human responses to betrayal.

Andrea Gunning wraps up the episode by posing a universal question: Why are you sharing your story? Abby's response encapsulates the essence of the episode's message: "It's very important for people to know that they're not alone and that this happens to other people" (43:48; 45:53). Her story serves as both a cautionary tale and a beacon of hope for those navigating the labyrinth of trust and deceit.

Notable Quotes

• Abby Ellen (02:19): "If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything."

• Richard (03:35): "I have been a freelance writer since I'm, like, 22."

• Richard (07:31): "I wanted something that mattered. I wanted something that mattered."

• Abby Ellen (15:21): "Abby was the kid who needed to know how the magic mirror worked. And now with Richard, she wanted to know about his classified military projects."

• Richard (23:36): "So she asked her new professors if this could be true."

• Richard (29:14): "Well, you know, next time why don't you ask them if they can give me a ride so I don't have to call taxis."

• Abby Ellen (43:24): "You can't believe that someone's going to do this to you."

Conclusion

Episode 27 of Betrayal: Weekly offers a compelling narrative that intertwines personal tragedy with broader societal themes. Through Abby Ellen's relentless pursuit of the truth, listeners gain a nuanced understanding of how trust can be manipulated and the arduous path to healing after betrayal. This episode not only recounts a gripping story but also serves as a testament to human resilience and the enduring quest for truth.

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For more episodes and stories of betrayal and resilience, be sure to subscribe to Betrayal: Weekly on Apple Podcasts, the iHeartRadio app, or your preferred podcast platform. Share your own stories of betrayal and resilience by emailing betrayalpodmail.com, and you might be featured in a future bonus episode.

Transcript

[Andrea Gunning]

Loving cold cases is one thing. Loving cold weather? That's completely different. Warm [e-mail] it doesn't matter how you travel as a family relaxing on an adults only getaway. Visit CheapCaribbean.com for all types of all inclusive beach vacations. Just book your spring break travel in March or April to unlock an extra $250 off your package price. This offer is valid through February 27th on vacation packages of four nights or more. Don't wait. Book [e-mail] Where'd you get those shoes?

[Abby Ellen]

Easy.

[Unknown]

They're from DSW. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you, from daydreamer to multitasker and everything in between. Because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or dsw.com this message comes from Greenlight. Ready to start talking to your kids about financial literacy? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app that teaches kids and teens how to earn, save, spend wisely, and invest with your guardrails in place. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance, and keep an eye on what your kids are spending with real time notifications. Join millions of parents and kids building healthy financial habits together on Greenlight. Get started risk [e-mail] iheart hey, it's Andrea Gunning.

[Abby Ellen]

Our season of weekly stories is coming to an end, but don't worry, we'll be back soon with more episodes. So if you have a story of your own that you'd like to share on the podcast, email [e-mail] in the meantime, we want to do something new and exciting. This month we're taking short creative essay submissions from listeners. The theme is Resilience in the Face of a Devastating Betrayal. We want to hear the story of how you healed scars and all. Here's the catch. The limit is a thousand words. If your story stands out, it might be featured in a bonus episode. Please save your submission as a PDF and email it to betrayalpodmail.com okay, now onto the episode.

[Richard]

If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything. I mean, he used his dead mother's name, he used his dead father's name, he used, I think his aunt, he used my name. All these people. It Was absolutely crazy making.

[Abby Ellen]

I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is betrayal, A show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything.

[Richard]

Listen, I've always craved drama, and I got it. I got it.

[Unknown]

That's Abby Ellen. She's an independent journalist for outlets like the New York Times and Washington post.

[Richard]

Yeah, I'm in my 50s, and I have been a freelancer writer since I'm, like, 22.

[Abby Ellen]

Storytelling comes naturally to her.

[Richard]

Even as a kid, I was interested in people's story. I was interested in gossip. I was interested in people's lives. I just wanted to know how things worked. And I also was always interested in getting to the bottom of things.

[Abby Ellen]

To say she's curious is an understatement. When she was in elementary school, Abby was on a children's show called Romper room. It was popular in the 1970s. On the show, the host would hold up a magic mirror, and through it, she would pretend to see straight into living rooms. Across the country, she'd name dozens of children who were watching the show. Kids at home thought she was talking directly to them through the mirror. As a kid, Abby knew the magic mirror was faked. And when she was on the show, she was determined to figure out how.

[Richard]

Well they would put the kids in the control room. And you could see all of the monitors, and you could see what was happening. And I remember pointing to that with the kid next to me. I was like, check it out. Like, there's no magic. And he was really upset. He was like, I don't want to know that, you know? And I was like, see? I got to the truth.

[Abby Ellen]

Fifty years later, she's still that same person.

[Richard]

I hate magic tricks. I hate going to magic shows. I need to know how they do things.

[Abby Ellen]

That dogged curiosity has motivated Abby's work for decades. When she first started her journalism career in New York City, I could have.

[Richard]

Gotten a job like in the devil wears prada. I could have gotten a job as an assistant to an editor. But I thought, what am I going to learn about writing from picking up somebody's dry cleaning? Nothing. What am I going to learn about, like, from faxing their correspondence? Nothing. I didn't want to do that.

[Abby Ellen]

Instead, she got her start writing for women's magazines. It was the 90s, when magazines still ruled the media landscape, and Abby had to start at the bottom of the ladder.

[Richard]

The women's magazines had you do, like, quizzes. Is he a jerk? Are you a control freak? I mean, those kind of things. I didn't Give a shit. I mean, I hated that stuff. And I just got terrified that I was going to get stuck doing that.

[Abby Ellen]

She wanted something more hard hitting. So she started cold pitching stories to the New York Times. And she finally got a story accepted. It was an expose on simulated military boot camps for civilians.

[Richard]

And I wrote a big story about that. It was a full page in the New York Times. I framed it and I thought, that's that never going to happen again. Well, the editor who I wrote that for called me up one day and he said, we're starting a column.

[Unknown]

He wanted Abby to write for it. So for the next five years, she wrote a column about young people and money for the business section of the New York Times. She was in her late 20s. The stars were aligning for her career, and she was building a life for herself.

[Richard]

My mother is really a super feminist and has always been profoundly independent and has always been like, what women need is their own money. No matter what, they all need their own money, you know? So she wanted me to always have my own space.

[Unknown]

On her mother's advice, Abby bought her first apartment. It was a loft in New York City. She had everything she wanted. Even dating came easily for Abby.

[Richard]

Oh, God. Men were everywhere. Men were everywhere.

[Abby Ellen]

In her 20s, her relationships usually ended because he was more into her than she was into him.

[Richard]

I. I had my boyfriend, then we broke up, and then I had other boyfriends. And I continued to work and I continued to travel, and I kind of never really wanted to get married, per se. That wasn't my agenda. I didn't want to be tethered to somebody all the time.

[Abby Ellen]

In her 30s, she dated more seriously, but none of the guys were quite right.

[Richard]

One was a guy I met in Peru. He was a furniture maker, and he was great. But that didn't work out. A couple guys in the theater, I mean, just different. Nice. I mean, they were fine. They were fine people. But I wanted something that mattered. I wanted something that mattered.

[Abby Ellen]

Abby had traveled the world, reported for prestigious publications, and made friends in every corner of the city. But there was one thing she still hadn't experienced again.

[Richard]

I didn't care if I got married, but I wanted to be madly in love.

[Unknown]

She wanted to be madly in love. By the time she was 40, she started looking for love in new places.

[Richard]

If you've been single a while, you know, sometimes you're just like, oh, God, maybe I should go out with somebody who I never thought I'd be with just because maybe I've been barking up the wrong Tree all this time.

[Abby Ellen]

After a string of relationships with struggling artists, she thought she'd try something more traditional. First she went with the conservative Wall street type. Then she thought, I'm Jewish.

[Richard]

I was brought up Jewish. I thought, I've always dated non Jewish guys. Maybe I need to be with somebody who's Jewish. Maybe that's what I need.

[Abby Ellen]

On a lark, her friend recommended a psychic. Apparently, she had great insights on love.

[Richard]

Oh, God, Carmela the psychic from Yonkers. That's what she sounded like.

[Abby Ellen]

But Carmela saw something in Abby's future. A man.

[Richard]

And she was like, you're gonna meet somebody. You're gonna move. His first initial is gonna be R, P, B, or D. And all went, he's gonna wear a uniform. And I said, I don't know anybody in uniform other than the FedEx guy. And he was like, no, it's not the FedEx guy.

[Abby Ellen]

Around the same time, Abby was working on a piece for the Times.

[Richard]

I was working on an article for the New York Times about detox diets and whether or not they had any validity or whether they were just kind of bullshit. And somebody suggested I call this guy who worked in Beverly Hills, California, who was a doctor there. He had written some articles or studies about detox diets.

[Abby Ellen]

This Beverly Hills doctor gave Abby a great quote for her article. We're going to call him Richard.

[Richard]

I quoted him. And we had a nice conversation, and that was the end of it.

[Abby Ellen]

A few months later, she had to call Richard again to fact check the article.

[Richard]

And I said, are you still in Beverly Hills? And he said, no, I'm in the Navy. I'm a Navy doc.

[Abby Ellen]

Richard had been a Navy SEAL in his 20s, then left to go to medical school. After decades of private medical practice, he rejoined the Navy to work on special projects.

[Richard]

He was working on opening up a hospital for kids with cancer in Iraq and Afghanistan.

[Abby Ellen]

At the time, Abby wanted a new beat. She wanted to report on international relations.

[Richard]

I was looking to do something different to expand my career. I wanted to do international reporting. And even if possible, I wanted to do war correspondence.

[Abby Ellen]

Richard was a good source, someone who might have stories and connections she would need.

[Richard]

I said, well, tell me about it. You know, keep me posted on how this goes. This is right up my alley. And he did. He kept keeping me posted. He kept telling me what was going on.

[Abby Ellen]

At first, it was regular updates about his job in the Middle East.

[Richard]

And then we began talking more and more.

[Abby Ellen]

They started writing to each other every day. And she learned more about Richard's Personal life.

[Richard]

Apparently. He had been divorced since I met him. His two kids lived in California, and he was living in Jacksonville, and he was going to move to Washington. And I thought, well, isn't that ironic, because I was going to move to Washington, too, to go to grad school.

[Abby Ellen]

Abby had just been accepted to an international relations master's program. It was in Washington, D.C. where Richard was headed next. By this point, their conversations veered into flirtations. So when they found out they were both moving to the same city, it.

[Richard]

Seemed almost you know, there's a word in Hebrew, b'shert, which means meant to be. And I thought, okay, this is meant to be.

[Abby Ellen]

Their flirtation expanded into late night phone calls and surprise deliveries.

[Richard]

And he called when he said he would, and he sent flowers. And he wasn't like a suffering artist in paint splattered jeans, you know, he was really a good guy.

[Unknown]

Richard was mature and accomplished.

[Abby Ellen]

He was a doctor.

[Unknown]

Maybe this was the guy she'd been waiting for.

[Richard]

I was 42, so I wasn't a kid. And he was 58, so he wasn't a kid. But it didn't matter because he was nice to me and he was good to me.

[Abby Ellen]

After months of talking, Abby emailed him a poem.

[Richard]

So I thought, all right, I can woo. I'm gonna. I'm gonna send it to him.

[Abby Ellen]

She knew this poem was his favorite.

[Richard]

I'm gonna read it. It's very short. This is Just to say by William Carlos Williams. I had eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast. Forgive me. They were delicious, so sweet and so cold. And I sent it to him. He wrote me back three words. I love you. And I thought, all right. It's a little fast, but okay.

[Abby Ellen]

She'd only been talking to Richard for a few months, but when she got his reply, she smiled. Richard was scheduled to be in New York the following month. Abby hadn't started school yet and was still in town, so they decided to meet in person for the first time.

[Richard]

He said, I've got to be in New York to give his talk at the Eun, so I'm going to be wearing my outfit, my Navy uniform. And he said, let's go somewhere celebratory.

[Abby Ellen]

He made a reservation for them at the Four Seasons restaurant. It's now closed, but in the early 2000s, it was one of the most glamorous date spots in New York.

[Richard]

It was a very CNBC kind of place. There was a giant pool in the middle of it, and it was just Very expensive and swanky and ritzy, and it was just kind of the place to be.

[Abby Ellen]

On the night of their date, Richard met her in the lobby wearing his white Navy officer uniform. As he walked towards her, she realized this was the man in uniform, the one the psychic had foreseen. Richard even brought her a gift.

[Richard]

He brings what is called a cover, but it's a navy cap. You know, it's the hat. I brought you one, he said.

[Abby Ellen]

They walked into dinner hand in hand. Abby wearing his white navy cap.

[Richard]

And at dinner, he was so funny, and he was charming, and he was good to me, and he was charismatic, and, you know, he kind of wooed me. He was wooing me, and I like that. It was after dating all sorts of shitheads, it was nice to be with somebody who, you know, seemed to be who they said they were.

[Abby Ellen]

That was the beginning of Richard's regular visits to New York to take Abby out on romantic dates.

[Richard]

He comes to visit for a weekend or maybe overnight. I mean, he always greeted me with a big kiss, and he'd tell me how beautiful I was.

[Abby Ellen]

When he met Abby's friends, he impressed them, too.

[Richard]

He cared about people. He cared about the world. He was always picking up tabs. He was always doing things that made people really like him.

[Abby Ellen]

Richard had two kids by his first wife, and even though he lived apart from them, he was still a family man.

[Richard]

He was very close to his son, so that was nice. And daughter. He talked to his kid, his son, all the time.

[Abby Ellen]

And then there was his illustrious military career. He was constantly traveling for work.

[Richard]

He always said that he had certain things that he did that he wouldn't be able to tell me about, and that he would often go off on these sort of secret missions, and he couldn't tell me what he was doing. And I was kind of intrigued by that.

[Abby Ellen]

Abby was the kid who needed to know how the magic mirror worked. And now with Richard, she wanted to know about his classified military projects.

[Richard]

It kind of drove me mad that I didn't know what he was doing. And a friend of mine said, well, that's obviously a lesson you need to learn that you can't know everything.

[Abby Ellen]

Her intrigue turned to concern when Richard began having horrible nightmares.

[Richard]

He would just have these screaming nightmares, and so he had to sleep with the lights on and the TV on.

[Abby Ellen]

When she asked, he brushed it off. All he would say is that he had bad memories, things from the military that he couldn't talk about.

[Richard]

I felt badly, and I thought something must have happened, but I Didn't know. I didn't know what it was.

[Abby Ellen]

Before long, his career began bumping up against their relationship.

[Richard]

Anytime he broke any plan, which he began to do pretty regularly, it was, it's a secret mission. I can't tell you anything more about it. That's it.

[Abby Ellen]

Abby nicknamed him the Commander. It was a joke at first, but it stuck because Richard couldn't seem to escape his career.

[Richard]

The commander told me that we were being followed by the Secret Service.

[Abby Ellen]

This was jarring for Abby, and she demanded a reason why they were being followed. To her surprise, the Commander began revealing some details about his career.

[Richard]

He said that he had been a doctor at Guantanamo.

[Abby Ellen]

He had been recruited to be the head doctor for prisoners at Guantanamo Bay. This was the mid 2000s, at the height of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The Commander explained that there was intense infighting with personnel at Guantanamo. It had to do with classified information that wasn't being delivered up the chain. That's why he was being protected by men in black SUVs.

[Richard]

And he said, when I was at Guantanamo, all these guys are after me. They hate me and they threaten me and my family. So my loved ones are being followed by the Secret Service.

[Abby Ellen]

Abby tried to play it down, to act casual, but this was a big disclosure.

[Richard]

And I remember I said to him, well, you know, next time why don't you ask them if they can give me a ride so I don't have to call taxis. I mean, I was just like, this is absurd.

[Abby Ellen]

She wasn't even sure if she believed his story about the Secret Service. But then one day his son called.

[Richard]

From California and there was a car outside and said, dad, is that your guys? Why are they outside the house? So I remember, I thought something really must have happened.

[Abby Ellen]

Now Abby needed answers. What had really happened at Guantanamo?

[Richard]

I need to know everything.

[Abby Ellen]

Eventually, Richard confided in her and he.

[Richard]

Said that one of his patients was a very high level terrorist. And I said, who? And he said, osama bin Laden. And I said, that's insane. And he said, no, it's not. And he began to list all the physical problems that bin Laden had.

[Abby Ellen]

This was 2008. At the time, the military claimed to be actively searching for bin Laden. So him being held at Guantanamo just didn't make sense.

[Richard]

And I said to him, that is a stupid thing to tell a person. I said, that's also not possible because the President, it was Bush at the time, that he would never let this happen without getting it out because it was a big deal. And, you know, it would have helped Republicans. So he would never have been quiet about that if he knew where bin Laden was. And he said, no, the president doesn't know. And I said, that's impossible. He said, there's a lot of things that they don't know. And I remember thinking, okay, this is insane, but maybe there's a story here. Foreign.

[Andrea Gunning]

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[Abby Ellen]

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Abby's new boyfriend, Richard, made some pretty surprising claims. Biggest of all, that Osama Bin Laden was being held at Guantanamo and that he had treated Bin Laden for medical issues. This was the early 2000s and bin Laden was one of the biggest, biggest fugitives on the planet. So Richard's story was hard to believe. But Abby knew for a fact that the commander worked in the Navy with a very high security clearance at that. She'd met some of his colleagues. So like a good journalist, she wanted to verify the commander's claim.

[Richard]

I was trying to do my own checkups because I was feeling crazy and I couldn't call up the CIA and say, hey, do you have this guy on your payroll? I mean, you can't do that.

[Abby Ellen]

So she started asking around, using vague details.

[Richard]

My brother in law said that doesn't make sense because he was in the Navy and he said he wouldn't tell you about that. I had another friend who said the same thing. They're not supposed to tell you.

[Abby Ellen]

She doubted the story, but wasn't prepared to write it off entirely. Even if there was a remote possibility it could be true, it would be the biggest story in the world. And as someone who wanted to be a war reporter, that was undeniably enticing. She hit a dead end trying to fact check the Bin Laden story, so instead she decided to fact check Richard. She started with one time when he.

[Richard]

Said that he had a vault full of medals for operations that didn't really exist. They were unofficial, you know, like Homelandy kind of things that you're not supposed to know about.

[Unknown]

Abby asked her new professors if this could be true.

[Richard]

I would ask my teachers, you know, is that possible? They said, yeah, absolutely it is.

[Abby Ellen]

If that checked out, Richard's other classified projects could exist as well.

[Andrea Gunning]

Abby realized she couldn't fact check the Bin Laden story. And after Richard shared that, he never talked about it again.

[Abby Ellen]

He wanted a relationship separate from work. After all, the rest of his life was pretty tame.

[Richard]

I met his family, I met his son, I met his brother, I met his aunt, met some friends, I met everybody, you know, so it just seems kind of normal.

[Abby Ellen]

And he met her family. Abby introduced him to her mom.

[Richard]

He was a Jewish doctor. What's not to like?

[Abby Ellen]

As their lives began to merge, Abby was ready to bring up a big topic of her own.

[Richard]

I wanted to Adopt. And I had said to him, at some point, listen, I'm going to want a kid.

[Abby Ellen]

When she told Richard this, basically he.

[Richard]

Was willing to do it. He said, I love you, I'm in love with you, I'll do anything you want. I'm going to ask you to marry me, so whatever makes you happy makes me happy.

[Abby Ellen]

That conversation brought their relationship to a new level. It was like an unspoken marriage proposal.

[Richard]

I'm 42, he's 58, we're not kids anymore. And we would discuss that. He said, you know, his father always said, when you know, you know. And I've heard that before. So then he began. He would visit me in New York and he would come and he would say, oh, I just went to Jabeers. And I was looking, I was looking at rings there and I thought, okay, great, that's cool. But one day he says to me, you know, Abby, I'm really upset. I can't afford a $30,000 ring, $40,000 ring, you know. I said, I don't need a $40,000 ring. Which is true. I didn't.

[Abby Ellen]

After six months together, Richard officially proposed. She said yes. It's true, the ring was nothing extravagant, but they both knew they wanted to be together. And in keeping with their low key attitude, Abby began planning for a small wedding, maybe the next year. They weren't in a rush.

[Richard]

I had never really expected to get married. That wasn't my goal. So it was very odd buying a dress. I decided I would just do something very small, like a dinner or something, just something chill.

[Abby Ellen]

They made plans to move in together.

[Richard]

In Washington D.C. eventually we found a place at the Watergate, which, you know, was obviously very famous.

[Abby Ellen]

The apartment was being paid for by the Navy. But even still, Abby didn't like the Watergate or dc.

[Richard]

It was just sort of bleak. And the Watergate was empty. And I didn't find Washington to be an especially hospitable town.

[Abby Ellen]

It didn't help that the commander was always traveling for work.

[Richard]

Sometimes going to Afghanistan, sometimes going to Iraq. Sometimes he's doing all these things that I can't even know about. I'll tell you when there's a secure line is what he would say.

[Abby Ellen]

And when he came home, he struggled to keep his eyes open.

[Richard]

He's a drag, like falling asleep early. He'll fall asleep at dinner. We're at dinner at like 6:00 and he's at the table, like falling asleep.

[Abby Ellen]

She chalked it up to him being a bit older and traveling so much for work. But Abby still had her mindset on the future.

[Richard]

Well, I had put down money to adopt by myself, so I was all going to do that.

[Abby Ellen]

As time went on, Richard wasn't so into the idea.

[Richard]

Anytime he talked about adoption, he always would say, you know, I'll do it, if that's what you really want to do. But a lot of those kids really have problems. And I thought that was a really callous thing to say. I thought that was awful, because I knew a lot of kids who were not adopted who had problems.

[Abby Ellen]

He was changing. He wasn't the accommodating and doting man she'd met. That guy was rarely around.

[Richard]

And one day I was talking about something about getting married, and we didn't even have a date. But he started breaking down. He's like, I'm so overwhelmed. We have to push the wedding back.

[Abby Ellen]

Maybe he was stressed out with work, or maybe he was having cold feet. Shortly after this conversation, Abby confided in her mom.

[Richard]

And I told her about the bin Laden thing. And she said, something's not right there, Abby. She said, that doesn't make sense. I said, and I got mad at her. I said, why? Isn't it possible that there are things that you don't know that we don't know, and we don't know the answer yet? And I got so mad at her. I was like, you're so suspicious.

[Abby Ellen]

Abby was defensive in the moment, but her mom's suspicion rubbed off on her.

[Richard]

So then I kind of went back and would ask him questions, you know, more targeted, and he would get mad at me.

[Abby Ellen]

One night at dinner with Abby's parents, the commander made a big show of complimenting Emil.

[Richard]

We're at a restaurant, and he raves about the Brussels sprouts. These are the best Brussels sprouts ever. Okay. My parents. That's nice. They didn't make it. They don't care.

[Abby Ellen]

But as soon as they were alone, he told Abby the exact opposite.

[Richard]

And he said, that's, I think, the worst meal I'd ever eaten. And I just thought to myself, what? I said, why did you lie? Why did you lie? They didn't care. He said, I wanted to make them feel good. It just was too discordant. You can't verify the CIA. You can't verify Navy seal. You can't do that. But that was something tangible that I could verify. And I just thought, I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I can't do this. This is insane. If he can lie about that, he can Lie about anything.

[Abby Ellen]

That small, lie about the Brussels sprouts broke something inside of Abby. It was proof that he felt the need to compulsively lie. She was disgusted with him, but she wasn't prepared to call off the wedding. That was until a few weeks later.

[Richard]

It was Christmas, and we were spending it with his brother and sister in law in their big house in Georgetown. And his son and daughter were there. And I overheard the son saying, what's that ring on Abby's finger? Is that from you? And I didn't hear the response. But I remember thinking to myself, this kid doesn't know that we're getting married. The son had no idea that he had proposed to me.

[Abby Ellen]

Richard had told Abby that his kids knew and that they were happy about it.

[Richard]

The commander told me that when he told his son that he had proposed to me, his son said, well, what took you so long?

[Abby Ellen]

And now she had proof of a very consequential lie.

[Richard]

You're lying to me and I can't. There's something. I'm dumb. I'm out of here.

[Abby Ellen]

That night, she called off the engagement. And the timing turned out to be pretty convenient.

[Richard]

About two weeks later, he came over and he said, listen, the Navy who was apparently paying for the apartment, needs the apartment, and they're shipping me out somewhere else. I'm leaving Washington, so we have to pack up everything and get out.

[Abby Ellen]

So Abby packed up and moved back to New York.

[Richard]

And I didn't know what I was going to do because I again was going to school. I ended up commuting to Washington from New York City and I finished my degree.

[Abby Ellen]

In the wake of the breakup, Abby second guessed herself.

[Richard]

I felt bad. I felt maybe I overreacted. You know, every time I would interrogate him, he'd be like, well, that's why you're single, because you always question and you don't trust and you interrogate. That's why, that's why you've been single all this time. And I thought, well, maybe that's right, you know, maybe that's right.

[Unknown]

A few months after the breakup, she was in D.C. for school. And one night she was in a cab driving by the Watergate and the.

[Richard]

Light was still was on in the apartment. And I, I called him, I said, are you, you in the apartment? He said, you know, it was a comedy of errors. I got everything moved and everything was in storage and everything was great and I was ready to be relocated. And then the Navy said, nope, you got to move back into the apartment. You got to Stay in Washington. We're keeping you here. So remember, I'm Nancy Drew. I said, well, I need to pick up my cookbooks that are in the apartment. I left the cookbooks.

[Unknown]

So she told the cab driver to pull over. She wanted to investigate.

[Richard]

I didn't have a key. And I said to the doorman, I'd like to go up to the apartment. And the doorman said, you're not allowed up. I have a note. Abby, Ellen is not allowed up. So I called the commander. I said, what's up with that? Like, why was I. There was specifically a note. Hannah said, oh, somebody was assaulted in the building, so they're being really careful about who they let in. I said, I don't believe you.

[Abby Ellen]

She told Richard she needed to get a few things she left behind. So we let her up.

[Richard]

I looked in the house, and the cookbooks were exactly where I had left them.

[Abby Ellen]

It wasn't just the cookbooks.

[Richard]

His baseball glove was exactly where it had been when I left. And there was a sliver of soap in exactly the same place, the same sliver that had been there when I left. And I looked at him and I said, you didn't move. And he said, oh, yes, I did.

[Abby Ellen]

There was no way he moved out of the apartment and put a tiny, used up sliver of soap back in the exact same place, stuck to the same bath tile.

[Richard]

And I thought, you're nuts. And that was it. That was it. I didn't really talk to him after that.

[Unknown]

She knew he was a liar, but how big of a liar? She wouldn't find out for another year and a half.

[Richard]

And then I got a phone call. It's a 202 area code. The only 202 area code I knew was the Commanders. So I thought, okay, I don't know why he's calling. And I picked it up and it was Special Agent Dan Ryan with ncis.

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[Unknown]

Abby hadn't talked to Richard in over a year when a D.C. number cold called her. She assumed it was him, but to her surprise, it was a special agent with ncis, the Naval Criminal Investigative Service.

[Richard]

And he says, there's a doctor who's writing prescriptions for narcotics, for Vicodin. And your name is one of the names he's been using.

[Abby Ellen]

Abby's name had shown up on a list of falsified narcotics prescriptions scripts written by a Navy doctor named Richard.

[Richard]

I said, what? And he said, yeah, he's been writing prescriptions for drugs. Do you know him? Do you have a prescription and I said, no, I know him, and I do not have a prescription for Vicodin. You know, I prefer Valium.

[Abby Ellen]

I mean, the phone call didn't upset Abby. In fact, she was excited because maybe she was finally going to get answers about Richard.

[Richard]

I thought maybe this is the culmination. Everything's kind of coming to a head. CIA and Navy SEAL and all the, you know, everything is just coming together.

[Abby Ellen]

It turned out Richard wasn't working with Special Forces on secret missions. He was actually a Navy doctor working at the Pentagon. But while he was there, people he.

[Richard]

Worked with at the Pentagon, he had used their names to forge drugs.

[Abby Ellen]

He forged hundreds of opioid prescriptions using the names of his co workers and his family.

[Richard]

He used his dead mother's name, he used his dead father's name. He used, I think, his aunt. He used my name. All these people.

[Abby Ellen]

He'd been caught filling scripts at the Pentagon's pharmacy. It was a brazen scheme. What was he doing with all those painkillers?

[Richard]

I asked if he was selling, and Dan Ryan said, no, we have no evidence of that.

[Abby Ellen]

Presumably, Richard was taking the pills himself. At least that's what he later claimed to a judge. Abby thought back to dinners with the commander, the ones where he was falling asleep at the table. In hindsight, that was her only clue that Richard could have been taking opioids.

[Richard]

So I kicked into journalist mode.

[Abby Ellen]

She tracked down Richard's ex wife and gave her a call.

[Unknown]

His ex wife knew Richard had a.

[Abby Ellen]

Girlfriend, but it wasn't Abby.

[Richard]

She was one who told me about the girlfriend.

[Abby Ellen]

Abby would call one woman who told her about another. It was like a phone tree of Richard's ex girlfriends. That's how she found a woman who'd been engaged to Richard. At the same time Abby started dating him.

[Richard]

And her name was Christine. She was a doctor. She was awesome. And he proposed to her right around the time he started beginning corresponding with me. And he one day said to her, I've got to go off on a secret mission. I'll call you when I come back. And he never came back.

[Abby Ellen]

Christine never knew why Richard disappeared. Abby had the other half of the story.

[Richard]

And the secret mission was Operation Abby.

[Unknown]

But Richard's romantic con took an even darker turn. The last woman he'd been seeing was named Gail. Richard had been her college boyfriend. When Gayle was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 60s, he reappeared.

[Richard]

She was getting a divorce. He had reached out to her and, you know, I never stopped loving you after 30 years, blah, blah, blah.

[Abby Ellen]

All this stuff he Swept Gail off her feet. He even claimed he could help her beat cancer. After all, he was a doctor.

[Richard]

He was helping manage her cancer. But she was one of the names he was using to get narcotics as well.

[Abby Ellen]

Gail was the last woman Richard conned before he got caught.

[Richard]

And then I called up Gail, who was basically was dying the time she had cancer, she had breast cancer.

[Abby Ellen]

When NCIS informed Gail about the fraudulent prescriptions in her name, she was so angry, she flipped on Richard immediately.

[Richard]

She wore a wire, and he admitted that he had been forging signatures and everything he admitted to her, and she got him in trouble.

[Abby Ellen]

Gail passed away shortly after that. Her story is the one Abby still thinks about. If there is a hero here, she says, it's Gayle. Richard ultimately pled guilty to two felony charges of prescription fraud. In his sentencing hearing, he told a judge that he'd become addicted while he struggled to cope with his girlfriend's terminal cancer diagnosis. Between that and his history of military service, the judge went easy on him.

[Richard]

He was sentenced to, I think, two years.

[Unknown]

And one day after Abby found out.

[Abby Ellen]

About Richard's crimes, she began parsing out every lie he ever told her. Bin Laden. Richard never treated him at Guantanamo. The Secret Service wasn't following him or his kids. He had never been a Navy SEAL Because Abby found a Navy SEAL impersonation expert who checked military records and confirmed it. And those screaming nightmares Richard had. While the SEAL expert said fake nightmares are a common feature of con artists like Richard, Abby had been duped.

[Richard]

After this happened, I was like, now I got a book. Thank you.

[Abby Ellen]

She titled her book Duped. Once she got started on it, she realized it was about much more than just her own experience. It was about the experience of being lied to.

[Richard]

It's not a straight up memoir. It is really an investigation. We decided to focus on the victims. What is it like to be deceived? What is it like to be duped? What is it like to not have all the facts? And that the life you've been living is not the life you thought you were living? So that was my book.

[Abby Ellen]

Abby never blamed herself for believing Richard's lies.

[Richard]

You know what's the worst thing you did? The worst thing is you trusted somebody. And we have to trust. Society works on trust. You have to stop at the red light. You have to stop at the stoplight. You have to trust that the pilot knows how to fly the plane. You have to trust that that cop is really a cop. You have to. And if you don't, society will fall apart.

[Abby Ellen]

Working on her book, she researched experts on deception, like Dr. Jennifer Fried, who coined the term betrayal blindness.

[Richard]

And it was just about, you know, how when children are being abused by their caretakers, they don't see it because they need that caretaker. They can't believe that that person is working against them. And it's the same thing in any relationship, whether it's a somebody, you're a business colleague or your romantic partner. You don't want to believe that someone's going to do this to you. You can't believe it. And it's to your benefit not. Not to see it because of you, your life that you built up.

[Abby Ellen]

And she even explored the stigma around being deceived, that feeling of self blame and stupidity when we've been lied to.

[Richard]

So then I found this study that said actually smarter people are more susceptible to being duped because they don't think would happen to them. So actually, people who've been duped are smarter. They tend to be smarter specific, specifically because of fatal overconfidence. It would never happen to me.

[Abby Ellen]

Abby turned Richard's betrayal into a story, a story for herself and for the world.

[Richard]

I never felt ashamed, I never felt embarrassed. To me, it was a story and it was a great story.

[Abby Ellen]

Instead of covering international relations, today, she mostly reports on fraud.

[Richard]

I think it's fair to say that it changed the trajectory of my career. I began reporting on different things. I became somewhat of an expert on fraud. I go to write a book about white collar fraud, and I did a podcast which led into a documentary that I did with the New York Times called To Live and Die in Alabama. So it did change my life.

[Abby Ellen]

And thanks to her experience with Richard, she's learned a few things about herself.

[Richard]

I always knew I was resilient. I always knew I was strong. But I don't know that I realized just how capable I was. That's nice to know.

[Abby Ellen]

We end all of our episodes with the same question. Why are you sharing your story?

[Richard]

I think it's very important for people to know that they're not alone and that this happens to other people. It's very easy for it to happen now with technology. You're not a terrible person. You're not a stupid person person. Lots of people are in this situation and don't feel like an idiot because again, what's the worst thing you did? You trusted. That's okay.

[Abby Ellen]

On the next episode of Betrayal, I.

[Richard]

Said, well, I'm not a suspicious person. And he said, maybe you should be more suspicious. You should ask me questions. At this point my heart dropped and I feel like I'm in a vomit. The betrayal felt so intentional and possibly like it was a long time coming.

[Abby Ellen]

If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal Team, email us@betrayalpoint podmail.com that's betrayalpodmail.com and be sure to follow us on Instagram betrayalpod. We're grateful for your support. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division vision of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison, hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning Written and produced by Monique Laborde Also produced by Ben Federman. Associate producers are Kristen Melchuri and Caitlin Golden. Our I Heart team is Ally Perry and Jessica Krynchek. Audio editing and mixing by Matt Del Vecchio Additional editing session support from Tanner Robbins Betrayals theme composed by Oliver Baines Music library provided by My Music and for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Andrea Gunning]

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