Betrayal: Weekly

Episode: “Helen” | Betrayal Weekly

Host: Andrea Gunning
Guest: Helen Naylor
Release Date: November 13, 2025

Episode Overview

In this compelling episode of Betrayal Weekly, host Andrea Gunning sits down with Helen Naylor to share the astonishing story of Helen's childhood, defined by her mother's chronic illness—a story that, after decades, Helen would discover to be a devastating deception. Through exploring Helen’s life in a small English town, her parents’ illnesses, the loss of her father, and eventually her mother’s death, the episode reveals the unraveling of a web of lies that shaped Helen’s identity. This is a story of shattered trust, psychological manipulation, confronting harsh truths, and finding resilience and self-worth in the aftermath.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Childhood Under the Shadow of Illness

• Small-Town Beginnings and Family Life
  • Helen describes growing up as an only child in a small Midlands town where “you basically knew everybody” (03:28).
  • Family home: a yellow 70s semi with a bright blue door and distinctive “swirly brown carpets” (03:42).
• Parents' Health Declines
  • Her father suffered heart and lung problems, including cardiomyopathy and asthma, eventually developing emphysema (04:18).
  • Her mother, Eleanor, was diagnosed with ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome): “The most common symptom is extreme tiredness, making any activities difficult” (04:53).
  • Both parents became unable to work, shaping Helen’s identity as a “child of two disabled people” (05:48).

Caretaker and Enmeshment

• Caretaker Role and Emotional Responsibility
  • From a young age, Helen took on the responsibility of caring for both parents, especially her mother: “I was responsible for my parents’ happiness and my parents’ emotional stability” (08:21).
• Mother-Daughter Dynamics
  • Helen’s world revolved around her mother’s needs and illnesses.
  • She idolized her mother: “I talked to her about everything. I absolutely adored her. I thought she was perfect” (07:47).
  • Boundaries blurred: “I lost track of where my mum’s needs ended and where hers began” (10:19).
  • Her mother directly influenced Helen’s tastes and identity: “She used to tell me my likes and dislikes… I defer to her opinion” (10:38).

The American Holiday – A Glimpse of Normalcy

• Break in Routine (11:27 – 14:10)
  • At age 16, a family trip to America brings a miraculous transformation in her parents’ health.
  • Helen’s awe: “America has cured my parents. America has made them better” (12:44).
  • Disillusionment upon their return: “She was back in that wheelchair being wheeled back… as if the last two weeks hadn’t happened” (13:02, 18:27).
  • Sets up a pattern of misplaced hope and confusion that lingers for years.

Young Adulthood and New Family

• University and Independence
  • Helen escapes her insular childhood via a scholarship, “I hadn’t been given any life skills by my parents” (19:36), but her caretaker skills translated into self-sufficiency (20:07).
• Meeting Peter and Building a New Life
  • Helen meets Peter, who “just understood the situation that I was in in a way that no one else understood” (20:25).
  • Quick engagement and marriage; mother reacted with mockery, not care or concern (21:11).
• Father’s Death and Aftermath
  • Father’s long illness and eventual death pushes Helen into depression, heightened by her mother’s lack of empathy: “It was her moment and it wasn’t about me” (23:50).
  • Lifelong role of emotional caretaker continued after her dad’s death (24:28).

Mother’s Decline and Estrangement

• Mother’s Parkinsonism Diagnosis and Neediness
  • Her mother's new illness takes center stage: “She just wanted to talk about Parkinson’s disease” (25:32).
  • Eleanor’s need for care intensifies, moving into a nursing home after frequent falls (25:59).
• Manipulative and Abusive Behavior
  • Incident during a visit: Eleanor feigns collapse and emotionally abuses Helen, calling her a “little bitch”—“It was kind of terrifying” (27:33).
  • Helen decides distance is necessary: “Having contact with her was more damaging” (29:10).

Death and Aftermath

• Complex Grief and Search for Meaning
  • Helen is shocked and conflicted at her mother’s death after their estrangement: “It’s just such a complex grief… It was worse than my dad… so much more complex” (30:38).
• Beginning to Write and Read the Diaries
  • Helen starts writing a memoir and reads her mother’s daily diaries written from age 12 on (31:38, 32:03).
  • Initially finds them “about the basics… there’s no real feelings” (32:20).

Discovering the Truth: A Web of Lies

• The Line That Changed Everything (33:53, 38:06)
  • Key revelation: “She writes, I have found my illness” (33:53, 38:06).
  • Helen realizes her mother actively sought out, requested, and constructed her diagnosis of ME—then performed illness for years (38:27).
  • “She was recording how ill she is every day and yet… she’s been apple picking or… shopping all day” (38:55).
• No Physical/Mental Illness Found by Doctors, But a Pattern Emerges
  • Helen uncovers evidence of deliberate deception and performance (39:56-41:01).
  • Seeks to understand why. The diaries reveal her mother’s narcissism and self-obsession—“She talks about how beautiful she is… how slender her hands are” (41:42).

Uncovering Abuse and Revising History

• Childhood Abuse Documented in Diaries
  • Shocking discoveries: Eleanor had drugged Helen as a baby, neglected her, and possibly broke her arm (43:43-44:47).
  • Documentation was emotionless: “It’s just so emotionless. She’s so cruel. She doesn’t try to hide anything” (44:31).
• Father’s Role and Complicity
  • Helen reflects on her father’s inaction and the complex dynamic between her parents (45:19-46:11).
• Lifting the Burden of Guilt
  • Realizes her existence didn’t cause her mother’s decline—this was always in motion: “This was always going to happen. It didn’t matter whether I was there or not” (46:33).

Coming to Terms and Moving Forward

• Diagnosis: Munchausen’s Syndrome
  • Recognizing her mother’s pattern as Munchausen’s—a mental disorder involving self-induced or faked illness for attention/sympathy (47:04-47:38).
  • “For women with narcissistic personality disorder, it often looks like victimhood… who questions an ill person?” (47:38).
• Reframing the American Holiday
  • Realizes her mother’s “health” in America was a choice, and even her father hadn’t actually improved—Helen had believed the constructed story (48:19-48:36).
• Power Dynamics
  • Powerful reflection on parental influence: “You can’t underestimate the power that a parent has over a child…” (48:36).

Reclaiming Identity and Helping Others

• Writing and Publishing
  • Published memoir: My Mother, Munchausen’s and Me (50:31).
  • Receives messages from “probably a hundred people… Some people have told me I’ve explained their life to them” (50:48).
• Healing and Self-Discovery
  • Ongoing process of finding herself after years of emotional suppression: “It’s taken me until the last five years to start to get back to who I am…” (52:00).
  • Marriage as a source of healing: “Luckily for me, I picked the right guy. He’s a wonderful, faithful, fabulous person” (52:39).

Challenging Taboos

• Why Speak Out?
  • Helen’s motivation to share: “There’s this feeling that mums are good no matter what… And I really wanted to challenge that” (54:16).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Motherhood and Lies:
  • “If you need to accept the lie to live, then you accept the lie.” – Helen Naylor (02:43, 49:57)
• On Realization:
  • “She writes, I have found my illness.” – Helen Naylor (33:53, 38:06)
• On Discovery of Abuse:
  • “She drugged me. I was six months old and she feeds me Chinese food washed down with whiskey.” – Helen Naylor (43:43)
• On the Power of Narrative:
  • “My story of how I am the child of two disabled parents and have cared for them, that’s actually a lie.” – Helen Naylor (40:36)
• On Coming to Terms:
  • “So much of who I am had to be hidden. It’s taken me until the last five years to start to get back to who I am. What do I like? What do I want to do? Believing that my opinion matters and that I matter enough to be looked after.” – Helen Naylor (52:00)
• On Challenging Cultural Assumptions:
  • “There’s this feeling that mums are good no matter what... And I really wanted to challenge that.” – Helen Naylor (54:16)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Helen describing her parents and upbringing: (03:28 – 05:57)
• Helen’s caretaker role and relationship with her mother: (07:47 – 10:19)
• The transformative American holiday: (11:27 – 14:10)
• Leaving for university and meeting Peter: (18:59 – 20:53)
• Death of Helen’s father and aftermath: (22:05 – 24:28)
• Mother’s move to nursing home and manipulation: (25:59 – 27:33)
• Discovery of mother's death and impact: (29:47 – 30:38)
• Helen reading her mother’s diaries: (31:38 – 33:53)
• The diary line: “I have found my illness”: (33:53, repeated 38:06)
• Uncovering the long con and abuse: (38:27 – 47:38)
• Identifying Munchausen’s: (47:04 – 48:19)
• Helen’s journey to recovery and writing success: (50:31 – 52:00)
• Helen’s closing reflection on motherhood and betrayal: (54:16)

Final Thoughts

Helen Naylor’s story is a raw, intimate glimpse into the lifelong effects of parental deception and emotional manipulation. Through the discovery of her mother’s carefully constructed illness—and the diaries that recorded it all—Helen unearths both the truth and her own resilience. Her candid account highlights the destructive power of hidden mental illness and the generational impact of family secrets, while offering hope to others living in the shadow of betrayal.