Betrayal: Weekly – "Jill" | Betrayal Weekly

Host: Andrea Gunning
Guest: Dr. Jill Stoddard
Date: September 18, 2025

Overview

This emotional episode of Betrayal Weekly tells the story of Dr. Jill Stoddard’s family, focusing on her beloved younger brother "Jimmy" and the shattering betrayals that tore their close-knit family apart. The episode reveals the shock and devastation of discovering Jimmy had committed serious crimes, the complicated aftermath for the family, and Jill’s journey through confusion, grief, anger, and ultimately, resolve to break the silence around such betrayals. Jill, a clinical psychologist, shares how this personal tragedy altered her forever and why she chooses to speak out about the darkest parts of her story.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jill’s Early Family Life

• (03:47–06:01) Jill reminisces about her nostalgic, seemingly "normal" Boston childhood. She was the eldest of three, with middle brother John and much-younger Jimmy.
  • “So I grew up in a suburb of Boston... It felt like a very normal, intact family.” – Jill Stoddard (04:28)
• Jimmy, the youngest, stood out—cute, lovable, bright red hair, happy-go-lucky personality, always eager to join in with siblings.
  • “He was just this very lovable, goofy, funny little guy.” – Jill Stoddard (06:01)

2. Jimmy’s Troubles Begin to Surface

• (08:23–11:11) Jimmy was doted on, but as a third child, received more relaxed parenting. He had undiagnosed ADHD and fell behind at school despite a high IQ.
  • Jill notes the family’s excuses for Jimmy’s repeated trouble, both at home and school.
• Jill left home for college when Jimmy was 11, maintaining a sisterly (not parental) distance.

3. Escalating Red Flags

• (11:34–14:54) Jimmy’s behaviors grew riskier: drug use, a staged college graduation, repeated lies to cover irresponsibility.
  • The family flew out for his graduation, only to discover he hadn’t graduated and had orchestrated an elaborate lie:
    • “All along, he knew that he wasn’t graduating.” – Jill Stoddard (14:19)
  • This realization was a turning point for Jill: “I was really angry… the anger was covering the harder emotion, which was like fear.” (15:05)

4. Adult Life and Continual Suspicion

• (15:31–18:04) Jimmy moved into jobs but displayed increasingly odd behavior (disappearing for hours, acting cagey).
  • “...He was just happy to be included, you know.” – Jill Stoddard, recalling his earlier innocence (06:33)
• At Jill’s wedding, Jimmy disappeared for hours, returning sweaty and anxious—family suspected drug use.

5. Catastrophic Revelation

• (20:55–22:20) The family’s worst fears were unexpectedly surpassed in 2013 when Jill learned Jimmy was arrested. At first, they suspected drugs, but soon after, Jill received a text: the police found child sexual abuse material (CSAM) on Jimmy’s computer.
  • “I just remember being on the ground, totally hyperventilating, having the only panic attack I’ve ever had in my life. If this could be true and I could have no idea, how on earth would I ever know who the monsters were?” – Jill Stoddard (22:20)
• Jimmy, as before, insisted he was framed. The evidence was clear: the images were of girls as young as six, some photoshopped with Jimmy’s likeness.

6. Family Falls Apart

• (24:39–27:00) Jill, her husband, and sister-in-law drew firm boundaries for child safety. In contrast, her parents preferred denial and minimization, attempting to rationalize his actions.
  • “Well, I mean, isn’t it not as bad because it’s only pictures?” – Jill recalls her parents’ rationalization (25:06)
• Jimmy lashed out cruelly by email when confronted: “He told me I should go kill myself.” (26:19)
• Family gatherings became battlegrounds over inclusion and secrecy.

7. Brief Reconnection, Familiar Patterns

• (27:00–29:48) After four years of silence, Jimmy’s return during their mother’s terminal illness seemed to show remorse. Jill allowed limited contact—no children present.
  • “He apologized for the mean emails...He was very sincere and we believed him. We believed that even if he still had this sexual proclivity, he wasn’t acting on it.” – Jill Stoddard (27:45)
• Within a year, erratic behaviors returned. Police raided his home on new evidence.

8. Final Betrayal & Consequences

• (29:48–38:00) The extent of Jimmy’s sexual crimes escalated—now uploading material, possessing child-related objects. He attempted suicide by threatening to jump from a tree.
  • “That was really the moment I was like, oh my God, he’s a monster.” – Jill Stoddard (35:37)
• Jill read the harrowing FBI report despite her husband’s pleas not to:
  • “Of course he was right. It was the worst thing I could have done.” – Jill Stoddard (31:19)
• Jimmy was sentenced federally: 10 years in prison.
  • “The penalty for this is 10 years. So he was ultimately sentenced to 10 years...” – Jill Stoddard (38:00)

9. The Aftermath: Searching for ‘Why’

• (38:11–41:17) Jill, a psychologist, dove into research for answers—how can this happen in one family? How do perpetrators operate? How can she keep her own child safe?
  • “As an anxiety expert, what I know about what fuels anxiety is uncertainty, a lack of perceived control, and a high sense of responsibility. And those three things were so present for me as a mom when this happened.” – Jill Stoddard (38:48)
• She learned about perpetrator grooming, but never found full closure or comfort in the answers.

10. Living with Disenfranchised Grief

• (41:02–41:17) “There’s a word for this kind of experience. It’s called disenfranchised grief.” – Andrea Gunning
• Jill struggles with mourning someone who is alive but whom she cannot and should not welcome back.
  • “I think it’s made me hard, and I was not that way before this...It was just the most painful experience of letting yourself love someone so deeply. And to have that backfire.” – Jill Stoddard (40:05)

11. Finding Growth and Purpose

• (41:48–42:21) Jill finds meaning in advocacy and honesty—sharing the story, co-hosting the podcast "Psychologists Off the Clock," and speaking out to break the taboo.
  • “Some actually end up doing better than they were at baseline. I don’t know exactly where I fall on that spectrum, but I do think there has been sort of examples of growth or good or purpose through this.” – Jill Stoddard (41:48)

12. Why She Shares Her Story

• (42:21–43:11)
  • “This is not my crime. This is not my family’s crime…He, Jimmy, is the only one who did anything wrong and keeping it a secret is just protecting him, and he doesn’t deserve protection. Kids deserve protection. And so I just feel compelled to start having more of these honest conversations… sunlight is the best disinfectant and I have to be part of the sunlight.” – Jill Stoddard (42:21)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [03:09] “If this could be true and I could have no idea, how on earth would I ever know who the monsters were?” – Jill Stoddard
• [14:19] “All along, he knew that he wasn’t graduating.”
• [22:20] “I just remember being on the ground, totally hyperventilating, having the only panic attack I’ve ever had in my life...How on earth would I ever know who the monsters were?”
• [25:06] “Well, I mean, isn’t it not as bad because it’s only pictures?” – Parental rationalization
• [26:19] “He told me I should go kill myself. Cruel lashing out emails the likes of which we had never seen.”
• [35:37] “That was really the moment I was like, oh my God, he’s a monster.”
• [40:05] “I think it’s made me hard, and I was not that way before this. Ooh, that just got me choked up.”
• [42:21] “Treating this like a dirty little secret. Like, this is not my crime. This is not my family’s crime. Keeping it a secret is just protecting him. And he doesn’t deserve protection. Kids deserve protection.”

Timeline of Important Events

| Timestamp | Event | |------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:09 | Jill describes her panic attack learning the truth about Jimmy | | 06:01 | Early stories about Jimmy’s innocence and joy | | 14:19 | Jill learns Jimmy’s college graduation was an elaborate lie | | 22:20 | Discovery of CSAM, Jill’s overwhelming shock and grief | | 25:06 | Parental denial and minimizing the crimes | | 26:19 | Jimmy lashes out at Jill and her sister-in-law via cruel emails | | 27:45 | Brief reconciliation during mother’s terminal illness | | 29:48 | Second, more severe arrest; police find more disturbing evidence | | 35:37 | Jill realizes the full monstrosity of Jimmy’s actions | | 38:00 | Federal sentencing: Jimmy receives 10 years in prison | | 40:05 | Jill reflects on the hardening of her character | | 41:48 | Jill discusses post-traumatic growth and meaning-making | | 42:21 | Jill explains why she’s compelled to speak about the betrayal |

Tone and Language

The episode is reflective, intimate, and candid. Andrea’s narration is empathetic, providing space for Jill’s raw vulnerability. Jill’s descriptions swing between gentle nostalgia for her brother’s childhood and the devastation of discovering his crimes. The language throughout is honest, unfiltered, at times clinical, but always anchored in the very human pain and questions that betrayal brings.

Closing

Dr. Jill Stoddard’s story is a painful, honest confrontation with familial betrayal, trauma, and the hard path toward healing. She stresses the importance of shining light on hidden crimes for the sake of protecting the innocent and healing the innocent bystanders. This episode stands as a call to break the silence, dismantle shame, and foster resilience amidst the unthinkable.