Betrayal: Weekly - Episode: Listener Mail: How Do I Help My Friend?
Introduction
In this emotionally charged episode of Betrayal: Weekly, host Andrea Gunning addresses a deeply personal and troubling message from a listener named Elizabeth. Elizabeth seeks guidance on how to support her best friend Sarah, who is struggling to navigate the aftermath of discovering her husband’s sexual abuse of their 19-year-old daughter. This episode delves into the complexities of supporting a loved one caught in the web of betrayal and denial.
Listener’s Story: Elizabeth and Sarah
Elizabeth and Sarah have shared a 13-year friendship, intertwined through joint family vacations and shared holidays. Their daughters are close in age, making their families feel like an extended unit. However, Sarah’s seemingly stable life took a devastating turn when she discovered her husband had been sexually abusing their daughter since 2016.
Notable Quote: Ashley Trujillo recounts, "One of the last things I said to her was when you go into that courtroom, you have to pick a side to sit on. You can sit with your daughter or you can sit with your husband, and I hope that you're able to make the right choice." [05:09]
The Struggle of Letting Go
After confronting her husband, Sarah initially cut off all communication. However, despite her husband being charged and awaiting trial, Sarah finds herself unable to fully sever ties. She re-engages with her husband over mundane matters and even attends therapy sessions with him, leading to his return to the family home. This decision leaves Elizabeth feeling helpless and conflicted, as she watches Sarah prioritize her attachment to her husband over her daughter’s well-being.
Notable Quote: Ashley shares her turmoil, "I can't be a part of this. I can't understand how you can do this." [07:45]
Advice from Survivors and Experts
Andrea Gunning brings in Ashley Trujillo, the subject of Season 2 of Betrayal, who has experienced a similar situation. Ashley’s husband, Jason, was arrested for possession of child sexual abuse material, leading her to eventually leave him after initial attempts to salvage the relationship.
Additionally, Jessica Baum, a licensed clinical therapist, joins the conversation to provide professional insights. Together, they explore the emotional and psychological dimensions of supporting someone who is in denial about their abuser.
Notable Quote: Ryan Seacrest offers empathetic advice, "You can hold space for her, but don't try to fix her or advise her. If she is in therapy, they can help her set the boundaries. You just need to hold the space..." [26:56]
Understanding Attachment and Denial
The discussion emphasizes the powerful grip of attachment and how trauma can lead to denial and rationalization. Sarah's inability to fully disconnect from her husband is portrayed as a manifestation of deep-seated emotional bonds and the brain's tendency to seek connection, even with someone who has caused immense harm.
Notable Quote: Jessica Baum reflects, "There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel like I did the wrong thing. And I will live with that for the rest of my life." [37:34]
Navigating Support and Boundaries
Elizabeth grapples with how to support Sarah without enabling her harmful choices. The episode provides valuable strategies for setting healthy boundaries, managing one's own emotional responses, and finding support systems outside the immediate situation. Andrea encourages listeners to seek their own support groups to navigate similar challenges.
Notable Quote: Andrea Gunning concludes, "Conversations like this can be triggering. They incite judgment and anger... we hope this episode finds the people who need to hear it." [40:01]
Conclusion
This episode of Betrayal: Weekly offers a compassionate exploration of the intricacies involved in supporting a friend through betrayal and trauma. By sharing Elizabeth and Sarah’s story, along with insights from Ashley and Jessica, Andrea Gunning underscores the importance of empathy, understanding, and professional support in such heart-wrenching situations.
Resources Mentioned:
- Jessica Baum’s Book: Anxiously Becoming More Secure in Life and Love
- Contact: Listeners are encouraged to share their stories or reach out to the Betrayal Team via email at betrayalpodmail.com.
Acknowledgments: Special thanks to Jessica Baum, Ashley Trujillo, and listener Elizabeth for their invaluable contributions to this episode. Betrayal: Weekly is produced by Glass Podcasts in partnership with iHeartPodcasts.
This summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions and providing context for listeners who may not be familiar with the podcast. Notable quotes are included with accurate timestamps and speaker attributions, ensuring a comprehensive and engaging overview.