Betrayal: Season 4, Episode 10 — "Courage"

Release Date: July 24, 2025

Hosts: Andrea Gunning and Dr. Jennifer Fried
Produced by: iHeartPodcasts and Glass Podcasts

Introduction to Caroline Borega’s Story

In the climactic finale of Season 4, "Courage," Andrea Gunning and Dr. Jennifer Fried delve deeper into the harrowing story of Caroline Borega, whose seemingly honorable husband, Joel, a respected Colorado Springs Police officer, was unveiled as a perpetrator of severe betrayal. Joel's betrayal extended beyond infidelity; he was arrested for sexually abusing children and was found with stacks of child pornography in his living room.

Andrea Gunning [04:37]:
"I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal. Season 4, Episode 10 Courage... we wanted to dive deeper into one aspect of Caroline's healing journey."

Understanding Betrayal Trauma Theory

Dr. Jennifer Fried, a renowned researcher and author of "Blind to Betrayal," introduces listeners to the concept of betrayal trauma theory, which she pioneered. This theory explores how individuals process trauma differently when it involves a trusted person betraying them.

Dr. Jennifer Fried [08:10]:
"Dr. Fried started compiling research on a specific form of trauma, the kind you experience when someone close to you breaks your trust."

Betrayal trauma occurs when a trusted individual's harmful actions cause psychological distress, leading victims to potentially block out or distort memories of the betrayal as a survival mechanism.

Dr. Jennifer Fried [09:02]:
"Betrayal trauma accounts for how we process traumas differently when they're perpetrated by someone close to us."

The Mechanisms of Betrayal Blindness

Caroline Borega’s journey illustrates betrayal blindness, a protective response where individuals subconsciously ignore or forget the betrayal to maintain essential relationships for survival.

Andrea Gunning [12:00]:
"We are programmed to fall in love with people we take care of... it's a good. It's a beautiful thing. It makes life worth living."

Dr. Fried explains that this mechanism is not mere denial but a deeply rooted psychological response to protect vital attachments.

Dr. Jennifer Fried [10:30]:
"Not seeing when someone close to you is betraying you. It isn't just denial. It's a very real psychological experience."

Darvo: A Perpetrator’s Tactic

A significant portion of the episode focuses on Darvo, an acronym for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender—a manipulation strategy identified by Dr. Fried.

Andrea Gunning [21:11]:
"The denial typically is aggressive... the attack is often an attack on credibility... and the RVO is the most insidious part."

Darvo allows perpetrators like Joel to deflect blame, undermining the victim's credibility and positioning themselves as the aggrieved party.

Caroline [22:34]:
"I start feeling guilty for asking him something that I factually see, and then I start doubting myself..."

This tactic not only silences victims but also fosters self-doubt, making it challenging for them to seek help or justice.

Impact of Institutional Betrayal

Expanding the scope, Dr. Fried introduces the concept of institutional betrayal, where larger entities like workplaces, schools, or governmental bodies fail to protect individuals or even contribute to the harm.

Andrea Gunning [33:11]:
"Institutional betrayal in its broadest sense is when the perpetrator of a betrayal is just something larger than one person."

Caroline experienced this firsthand when her husband's department did not support her upon his arrest, exacerbating her sense of isolation and betrayal.

Andrea Gunning [34:03]:
"After Joel was exposed, no one in the department came to Caroline's aid. She felt shut out and alone."

Institutional betrayal compounds the trauma of personal betrayal, leading to more significant psychological distress and hindering the healing process.

Steps Towards Healing and Institutional Courage

To combat betrayal and institutional betrayal, Dr. Fried advocates for institutional courage, which emphasizes transparency and accountability within institutions.

Andrea Gunning [35:43]:
"Betrayal really loves secrecy and really doesn't survive transparency very well at all."

By fostering open communication and addressing wrongdoings transparently, institutions can prevent the perpetuation of harmful behaviors and support victims more effectively.

Andrea Gunning [37:05]:
"Secrecy is corrosive... One of the best ways to inoculate people from repeating dysfunctional family dynamics is to really shine a light on them and be fully honest about what was messed up."

Caroline’s Path to Courage and Activism

Despite the immense betrayal, Caroline demonstrates remarkable courage by being transparent with her children about her husband's actions, breaking the cycle of secrecy and fostering an environment of honesty and healing.

Caroline [38:21]:
"I wanted to know everything. The truth hurt, but it was powerful."

Her actions not only aid her own healing but also serve as a beacon for others experiencing similar traumas, embodying the ethos that "the antidote to despair is activism."

Andrea Gunning [41:42]:
"She's sharing her vulnerability, her personal pain, all with the hope that it will help other people."

Conclusion: Moving Forward with Community Support

The episode underscores the importance of community and institutional support in overcoming betrayal trauma. Dr. Fried emphasizes that while institutions play a crucial role, personal resilience and activism are vital for healing and preventing future betrayals.

Dr. Jennifer Fried [42:00]:
"Caroline may never get that validation from the CSPD, but she is doing what she can to take healing into her own hands."

Betrayal: Season 4 concludes by encouraging listeners to seek support, remain transparent, and advocate for institutional changes to mitigate the impact of betrayal and foster a community of resilience and healing.

Key Takeaways:

1. Betrayal Trauma Theory explains the unique psychological impact when a trusted individual betrays another, leading to mechanisms like betrayal blindness.
2. Darvo is a manipulative tactic used by perpetrators to evade accountability by denying wrongdoing, attacking the victim’s credibility, and reversing roles.
3. Institutional Betrayal adds another layer of trauma when larger entities fail to protect or support victims, highlighting the need for institutional courage.
4. Caroline Borega’s story exemplifies the journey from betrayal to courage, emphasizing the role of transparency and community support in healing.
5. Activism and transparency are crucial in breaking the cycles of betrayal and fostering environments where healing and accountability can thrive.

Notable Quotes:

• Caroline [22:49]:
  "I start feeling guilty for asking him something that I factually see, and then I start doubting myself..."

• Andrea Gunning [41:42]:
  "She's sharing her vulnerability, her personal pain, all with the hope that it will help other people."

• Dr. Jennifer Fried [10:30]:
  "It's a survival mechanism... betrayal blindness is the attachment system matters more if it's keeping you alive."

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