Caroline Barega (3:03)

I'm ashamed to admit I loved you. That's what makes this hurt so bad, is because I cared so much about you. My family is the most important thing in the world to me. And it still is. But now there's just one last member of it. I cared about you more than anything. I looked up to you. You were an inspiration to me. You ruined my life. You ruined my baby sister's life. You ruined my beautiful mother's life. That's what hurts the most, is because I genuinely care so much about.

Andrea Gunning (3:51)

I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal. Season four, Episode one. One of the good ones. Hi everyone. I'm excited to be back for season four of Betrayal. It's just incredible how much this community has grown and I wanted to take a moment to give you a my most heartfelt thank you for supporting this series as well as our weekly series. No matter how you found Betrayal, I'm really happy you're here now. For the next several weeks, we will be focusing on one story. A story that we learned about only because a woman named Caroline and her daughter learned about us. By the way, some names have been changed to protect privacy.

Nicole Kern (4:37)

My name is Nicole. My mom was driving me up to school. It was my first semester of college, so me driving up my freshman year, it's an eight hour drive.

Andrea Gunning (4:52)

Nicole's mom, Caroline Barega, was the driver.

Narrator (4:56)

I had said, you know, I'm tired of listening to different music. My daughter found the podcast and so she's like, oh, look at this. This is rated, like super high. Let's listen to this. And so I said, okay. And so after we started listening, we were both just locked in. And after just a couple episodes, I was fighting back tears and I said nothing to her and she said nothing to me. And then finally, you know, she broke the ice and she looked at me and she said, you know, mommy, this could be our family. I said, I was thinking the same thing. I was thinking the same thing.

Andrea Gunning (5:35)

That thought stuck with Caroline enough to motivate her to send us an email. And before we knew it, my producer Carrie and I found ourselves in Colorado Springs, where we met Caroline Borrega at her home. Caroline is a mother of two who works in law enforcement. Her house is beautiful with vaulted ceilings in a cozy suburb of the Springs. If one thing stuck out to me, this was a forever home. She Was warm, welcoming, and not alone. Little did we know we were guests of a special night Caroline does with the people closest to her. It's called supper club and they do it every Sunday night. They drink wine, crack jokes and unwind before the start of another week. These friends never miss a supper club.

Narrator (6:27)

Do you want another one of these?

Joel Kern (6:29)

I mean.

Narrator (6:29)

Okay. Okay.

Andrea Gunning (6:31)

We were complete strangers. And the night could not have felt more comfortable.

Narrator (6:37)

For those of them who wish us well. Fuck the rest. They can go to hell.

Andrea Gunning (6:41)

After dinner, Caroline gave us a tour of the dream home she built with her husband of over 20 years. She showed us trophies and ribbons from her kids sports careers. There were instruments in elementary school art projects. And there were family photos smiling at us in frames all over the house. This was a happy home of a happy family. But when we looked a little closer, we realized that many of the photos weren't of Caroline's family at all. They were actually stock photos. The kind you get when you buy a frame at the store. It became overwhelmingly clear Caroline had deleted parts of her life. Actually just one part of her life. The most painful one. Caroline had removed all traces of her husband, her now ex husband, Joel Kern.

Caroline Barega (7:35)

Would you please state your full name with the spelling for the record?

Narrator (7:38)

Joel Kern. K E R N, J O E.

Andrea Gunning (7:41)

L. Joel was a decorated member of the Colorado Springs Police Department. He had taken an oath to protect and serve the community.

Caroline Barega (7:49)

How long have you been employed by CSPD?

Narrator (7:52)

25 years.

Andrea Gunning (7:53)

But on April 11, 2022, Caroline discovered that the only person Joel was serving was himself.

Narrator (8:01)

I'm at work and I see a notification on my phone. It's our house cameras. And I look and I see it's Joel and he's dragging up the trash cans.

Caroline Barega (8:12)

Will you be answering all of our questions concerning this matter truthfully today?

Narrator (8:15)

Yes. And so I just sent him a quick text and I said, hey, what are you doing home so early? And he didn't respond.

Caroline Barega (8:23)

Tell us, why do you think those allegations against you were brought forward?

Narrator (8:28)

And then I sent him another text. Joel, is everything okay? I see like the three little dots.

Caroline Barega (8:35)

I'll ask you specifically, have you ever uploaded WhatsApp or on your cell phone number?

Narrator (8:40)

And he responded back, no, everything's not okay. I fucked up the worst I've ever fucked up in my life. You're going to want to divorce me.

Andrea Gunning (8:50)

Season four is about truth. It's the foundation upon which trust is built. So what happens when someone manipulates the truth? What happens when a person or an institution believes that they are above the truth. For Caroline, her husband's lies completely undermined her sense of reality. It's been a hard few years for Caroline and her family. Before we sat down with her, she looked to her daughter for strength.

Narrator (9:21)

She was very sweet and said, you are brilliant, resilient and beautiful, and you deserve to tell the truth of the story. You deserve to let people know what we went through. And that's all the permission I needed.

Andrea Gunning (9:38)

Nicole always felt a deep kinship with her father, Joel Kern.

Nicole Kern (9:43)

I really idolized my dad. I thought we had similar personalities. We had the same humor, same kind of confrontational style.

Andrea Gunning (9:55)

And for Joel, it wasn't just a job. It was part of his identity. During Nicole's childhood, he rose up the ranks in the Colorado Springs Police department. And for most of her life, he worked unusual hours.

Nicole Kern (10:10)

My dad did work nights for the majority of my life, and so most of the time I would only see him like during dinner time. I was kind of proud of that in a way because he was serving our community and I was really happy to see him and all of his cop friends and like, spending most birthdays at the substation and all that.

Andrea Gunning (10:38)

Substation was a new word for me. It's another word for precinct. Caroline made sure not to skip celebrations just because Joel worked at night. She brought the kids over and they celebrated birthdays and holidays at the substation so Joel wouldn't miss out and the kids would have their dad at milestone events.

Nicole Kern (10:59)

I did maybe idolize him more than my mom just because my mom was constant throughout my life. I wanted his connection just because he wasn't really there for a lot of the daily events with my brother and.

Andrea Gunning (11:16)

I. Joel's career was always the family's priority. When he had to miss the kids sports games or recitals, it was for good reason. Their dad was on the side of justice, integrity. And this didn't happen by accident. Caroline and Joel designed their life around his career. In fact, the day she first laid eyes on Joel, he was in uniform. It was 1998 and Caroline was fresh out of college, starting her first full time job as a domestic violence advocate.

Narrator (11:47)

I was told from my employers that one of the things that would be required of me as a component of my training for the position would be to complete a ride along with the Colorado Springs police department. So I showed up at the substation and I'm all of 22 years old, freshly graduated, just celebrated my birthday and I meet this police officer. His name was Troy. The first part of what we were going to do for the evening is that we would sit in the lineup room and I would be able to listen to a police lineup.

Andrea Gunning (12:19)

When Caroline says lineup, she's talking about the briefing officers receive at the start of their shift. It's when the sergeant gives out updates and assignments.

Narrator (12:29)

As lineup's getting ready to begin, this person walks in. He's very tall and very handsome and just looks kind of discombobulated. He's carrying a radar gun and a clipboard while still trying to balance this coffee mug. And everyone's kind of giggling. And the police sergeant said, well, I guess we can start lineup. When Joel finds his seat, everyone. And I'm staring at him, and I admit I was just awestruck. He was handsome and young, and when he sat down, I could see him turning back around and staring at me. And, you know, I get flushed and I look away. But the times when I would look over and we caught eyes, there's no other way to put was electrifying.

Andrea Gunning (13:16)

There was something happening between them. Caroline didn't know it then, but that night would alter the trajectory of her life. And since we're going to be talking a lot about the Colorado Springs Police Department, I'll refer to it as the CSPD from now on.

Narrator (13:33)

And then as lineup finished, Troy came back to me and he said, okay, are you ready to get going? And before we were leaving the lineup room, Joel came kind of hurriedly over to us and he said, troy, don't forget I'm your partner tonight. And Troy just kind of let out this sigh. And then he looked at me and he said, and this is Joel, clearly trying to insert himself to get himself introduced to you. Joel, this is Caroline.

Andrea Gunning (14:03)

The ride along was routine, but it was a long night. When they returned to the substation, Caroline was ready to get home.

Narrator (14:11)

And as I'm approaching my car, Joel, kind of almost running out, comes out to me. I was like, hey, I just wanted to say goodnight to you. I know that you're new in town, so I wanted to give you my business card and let you know that if you ever needed to be showed around town or if you wanted a tour of the city, let me know. And I said, I don't need to be shown around this town. I grew up here, so I have no need for a tour guide.

Andrea Gunning (14:40)

Caroline was playing cool, but he gave.

Sponsor Voice (14:44)

Her his number anyway.

Narrator (14:46)

I just took the business card and got in my car. I drove home that night, and my mom was waiting up for me. She was like, oh, I'm just so relieved you're home safely. I've been waiting up. I couldn't sleep. How was the evening? And the first words out of my mouth before anything were I met the man I'm going to marry and my mom sat there in silence and then she stared at me and her next response was Jesus Christ, it better not be a cop. And I just started laughing. I went to bed and I fell asleep for a couple hours and when I woke up I rolled over and I had Joel's business card on my nightstand and I picked up the phone. This is 1998. I used my parents landline, called his work and I left a voicemail for him. I said hey, it's Caroline. I don't need a tour guide but if you ever want to get together sometime, let me know. And within 20 or 30 minutes my parents house line rang and after I said hello the first words out of his mouth were what took you so long to call me?

Sponsor Voice (16:14)

When something doesn't feel right, it often isn't. And sometimes you just need someone to talk to. Someone who gets it. California Psychics connects people with gifted advisors who offer real insight, not just answers. They're here to help you trust your instincts and feel confident in your next step. Right now it's just $1 per minute. Visit californiapsychics.com and find support, clarity and maybe even peace.

Sponsor Voice (16:44)

You see the world differently where others see empty lots. You see blueprints where others sit in lecture halls. Future leaders choose Ferris State University to build something real. Ready to dig in and learn through action. Ferris State gives you the tools, the team and training to unleash your potential with paths to high demand careers and in state tuition from non residents. At Ferris State, students don't just study, they build. They lead. They succeed. Visit ferris. Edu Ferris State University we build champions.

Sponsor Voice (17:14)

Tired of spills and stains on your sofa? Wash away your worries with Annabe. Annabe is the only machine washable sofa inside and out where designer quality meets budget friendly prices. That's right, sofas start at just $699 and now's the perfect time to upgrade. During the Memorial Day sale, get up to 60% off site wide. Enjoy a no risk experience with pet friendly stain resistant and changeable slipcovers made with performance fabric experience cloud like comfort with high resilience foam that's hypoallergenic and never needs fluffing. The sturdy steel frame ensures longevity and the modular pieces can be rearranged anytime. Shop washablesofas.com to save big this Memorial Day backed by a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not absolutely in love, send it back for a full refund. No return shipping or restocking fees. Every penny back. Don't miss the Memorial Day Sale Upgrade now@washablesofas.com that's washablesofas.com Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

Sponsor Voice (18:14)

This episode is brought to you by.

Andrea Gunning (18:16)

Opill, the first over the counter daily birth control pill available in the U.S. opill is a daily birth control pill.

Sponsor Voice (18:23)

That'S FDA approved, full prescription strength and estrogen free. Plus there's no prescription needed. Finally, the days of needing a prescription for birth control are over. This is the moment to take control of your health and reproductive journeys because Opill is birth control in your control. Opill is available online and at most major retailers.

Andrea Gunning (18:43)

Use code betrayal for 25% off your.

Sponsor Voice (18:46)

First month of opill@opill.com.

Andrea Gunning (18:52)

Joel wanted to see her that night, but she had plans. It was Caroline's turn to cook Sunday dinner for her family. To her surprise, he was down to show up at her parents and bravely dine with her mom, dad and two older sisters.

Narrator (19:09)

He was a trooper with it. I mean, he was very coldly greeted by my parents. My sisters were incredibly amused by the fact that I had just met this person on a ride along and I was inviting him over for Sunday dinner and so, you know, they were giddy and giggly about it.

Andrea Gunning (19:27)

Joel and Caroline were skipping a lot of steps. This would typically be day 10, not date one, but it felt right having Joel there beside her.

Narrator (19:37)

And from that moment on, we became inseparable. And I should clarify, I mean, inseparable as we could be. With regards to his schedule. He worked four days on and had three days off, and the four days that he worked on were 10 hour shifts at night.

Andrea Gunning (19:59)

But when they were together, it was like the beginning all over again. Caroline and Joel made the most of the gorgeous landscape in Colorado.

Narrator (20:09)

We enjoyed driving up to see the leaves when they changed and going on different hikes and driving through different passes and going to different mountain towns. We were both young and you know you're in love and attracted to each other.

Andrea Gunning (20:27)

They had met early in the summer of 1998, and in the fall, Caroline had planned to go to graduate school a few hours away in Boulder. But Joel wasn't about to let her get away.

Narrator (20:39)

When it came time for me to go to graduate school, Joel had said to me, my career is established and you have so many connections here in your hometown. Why don't you just stay. And we had a little bit of a negotiation where I said, well, I'm not going to dismiss graduate school. This is something that I like to stay and pursue. I'll enroll at the local university here.

Andrea Gunning (21:04)

Here's Caroline's best friend, Deborah.

I (21:07)

We started hanging out more because we played on a recreational volleyball league together, and Joel was a part of that.

Andrea Gunning (21:15)

Deborah is, as Caroline says, her ride or die. They met back in their 20s at work, and they even have a nickname for each other.

I (21:25)

It's Celly. We're like, if we ever go to jail, we'd be cellmates, our little partners in crime. And so we call each other Sally.

Andrea Gunning (21:37)

Deborah knew Joel from the beginning of their relationship.

I (21:41)

You know, they were always great together. I looked up to them as a couple. She was very attentive to him. He seemed attentive to her. He was great. There was like two different Joel's. There was work mode. Joel, who was very serious, took his job seriously. And then there was Joel outside of work that loved to hang out, loved to, you know, have a drink here and there. And we just always had a good time.

Andrea Gunning (22:12)

Caroline loved him. Her friends and family had grown to love him. They were dating for a little over two years.

Narrator (22:20)

When we were getting ready to go out somewhere, I can't even remember where, what we were going to do, and I went upstairs to, you know, get my shoes on or get a coat or whatever, and I turned around, and there he was with a ring. And that's how we got engaged.

Andrea Gunning (22:39)

The engagement was simple, but planning the wedding wouldn't be. Caroline was Catholic, but Joel wasn't. That meant they couldn't get married in her church. But then Joel did something extraordinary that surprised Caroline.

Narrator (22:55)

Joel said, I'll convert for you. I just thought, oh, my God, thank you. It just drew us closer together and just made me feel that much more loved and special that he was willing to do that.

Andrea Gunning (23:10)

Once Joel was confirmed as part of the Catholic Church, he and Caroline prepared for the sacrament of marriage.

Narrator (23:16)

We needed to do premarital counseling with our priest. The counseling was actually something that was extremely relevant and beneficial. I mean, there was a litany of discussions that were had. And one of the discussions surrounded infidelity. And so I told him, I just want you to know that I will work through and do anything for you. But I had two rules. Don't ever lay a hand on me and don't ever cheat on me. Anything else I commit and promise to I will work through. And he said, I agree. And we had a Mass of 150 people on a Friday evening.

Andrea Gunning (24:05)

Three years after they met, on July 27, 2001, Caroline and Joel got married.

Narrator (24:14)

He invited a childhood friend to do a reading, and she was excited to be part of the ceremony. Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. And it was just so beautiful. Just so beautiful.

Sponsor Voice (24:33)

Love bears all things, believes all things.

Narrator (24:36)

Things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. So around June of 2002, I was at Target. One day I was in the book area and wanted to get a nice journal. And I passed by this book, what to expect when you're expecting. And it was just kind of this moment of when was the last time I got my period? And I started looking at the book and I was giggling to myself, and I thought, I should probably take a test, and I was pregnant.

Andrea Gunning (25:19)

She took the test while Joel was sleeping, but she wanted to share the news with him right away.

Narrator (25:25)

He sat straight up in bed, stared at me for a second, and then he said, this is what you want, right? And I said, I do. What about you? And he said, yes, of course. Of course. I want to be a dad.

Andrea Gunning (25:42)

Once the shock wore off, they were both really looking forward to having a baby.

Narrator (25:47)

You know, we told our parents right away, and everyone was just so excited for us.

Andrea Gunning (25:52)

Caroline threw herself into preparing for motherhood, and Joel began to focus on providing for his growing family.

Narrator (26:00)

It was important for him at this point to advance his career because he wanted to be able to provide the best he could for me and our child and if we had other children.

Andrea Gunning (26:12)

During her pregnancy, the couple made an agreement that Joel's career as a cop would be the centerpiece of their life. It was a sacrifice for the betterment of their family and for the entire community.

Narrator (26:26)

There were occasions where his work impeded some factors with me being pregnant. He missed doctor's appointments and would call and say, I can't make it because I'm at work still.

Andrea Gunning (26:41)

Caroline experienced some lonely days, but the couple was working for the future.

Narrator (26:46)

Our son was born and thankfully healthy. Beautiful baby boy. Joel stayed home just a couple days and went right back to work and was very adamant that he wanted to focus on his career and making sure that he showed that he was someone who was worthy of being promoted, especially now that we had a child.

Andrea Gunning (27:09)

As for Caroline's career, it was more flexible. She isn't an officer herself. She asked us not to disclose her exact job title. We'll just say she works in the justice system and collaborates with law enforcement. So Caroline had the utmost respect for the work her husband did.

Narrator (27:27)

I knew what I was getting into. I knew when I married a cop that I was going to be alone a night, that we agreed he would have the ability to make more money and that I would be the person who would support it because I had a more flexible schedule than him.

Andrea Gunning (27:41)

Two years after their son was born, Caroline and Joel welcomed a baby girl.

Narrator (27:46)

Our daughter was born in 2005, and.

Andrea Gunning (27:49)

Then they saw their sacrifices start to pay off.

Narrator (27:54)

Eleven days after our daughter was born, Joel was promoted to the rank of sergeant. Being a midnight sergeant was his focus for many, many years. We would have dinner together as a family, and then he would leave for work by 8pm and then I was home with the kids at night.

Andrea Gunning (28:11)

Despite the difficult hours, Joel embraced fatherhood. As the kids grew, Joel and Caroline brought them along for all their outdoor adventures. They even got an rv.

Narrator (28:23)

We would go on biking trips together and hiking trips together and camping trips together. You could see he just enjoyed being around the kids and watching them live these moments and experiences through their lens.

Andrea Gunning (28:39)

From those early days, Joel encouraged their son to get involved in his community. Here's their son.

Caroline Barega (28:46)

He was a leader all throughout my Boy Scout career until I became an Eagle Scout.

Andrea Gunning (28:53)

They even traveled to Florida for a.

Caroline Barega (28:55)

Scouting trip, going key to key and snorkeling on shipwrecks and seeing all the sharks and the sea wildlife was probably the most memorable.

Andrea Gunning (29:07)

And Joel found ways to bond with her daughter Nicole.

Nicole Kern (29:10)

I'm really big into lacrosse. I've been playing lacrosse my whole life. He was the one that always took me to my lacrosse games, my lacrosse practices.

Andrea Gunning (29:24)

Both kids enjoyed the benefits of their dad being a cop because they had access to exciting experiences.

Caroline Barega (29:31)

Getting to see the jail cells or the armory or the police motorcycles.

Andrea Gunning (29:37)

Then there was Joel's police car.

Caroline Barega (29:40)

Getting to play with the sirens and then getting older, being able to go on police ride alongs and all that.

Andrea Gunning (29:47)

The car was a symbol of their dad's power and authority, of his values, his service. Despite Joel working nights, their family thrived. Both kids were passionate about sports and became competitive athletes. And they were focused, hardworking students.

Narrator (30:08)

Things just really felt like they were on this great trajectory.

Caroline Barega (30:12)

The saying was that the Kern family doesn't accept mediocrity, which is half joking, half not.

Andrea Gunning (30:21)

After eight years working as a sergeant, Joel was tapped for an important assignment.

Narrator (30:27)

He actually was given an opportunity to become a sergeant for Internal Affairs.

Andrea Gunning (30:35)

Internal affairs is a department that investigates complaints and allegations of misconduct against its own officers. The new job meant Joel would work regular business hours and be home at night.

Narrator (30:46)

I craved being able to have him at home. It wasn't so much a matter of that I needed or wanted help. It was a matter of wanting to have the normalcy to sit together and hold hands in the stands at the kids games, to be able to not have to rush, to be able to actually have a meal at the kitchen table, falling asleep with someone at night, being able to get ready together in the morning, simplistic activities like cutting up the vegetables for dinner together and cleaning up together and talking together. It was just this time to finally exhale and have some time together as a family. It was just so welcomed.

Andrea Gunning (31:26)

She craved that companionship. When Joel moved to Internal affairs, he began sharing more about his work with Caroline. Every industry has its good and bad operators, but some of what Joel revealed was disturbing.

Narrator (31:44)

I started to hear about people who engaged in some pretty concerning immoral and unsavory acts while under the guise of a police officer.

Andrea Gunning (31:55)

It was eye opening to see how discipline worked at cspd, what conduct could get you fired, and how honesty could save your job, even for very serious offenses. Caroline was proud that Joel was well liked and respected. Here is a retired CSPD officer. He asked that we call him Dan.

Caroline Barega (32:17)

He was always pretty cheerful. I actually always appreciated after he got promoted how he treated his officers and stuff. He treated them really well and I think he set good expectations for him and seemed to generally care about the cops that were working for him.

Andrea Gunning (32:33)

His family beamed whenever he was honored for his work, especially his daughter.

Nicole Kern (32:39)

I was very proud that my dad was a police officer.

Andrea Gunning (32:42)

She remained proud even as the public's relationship with law enforcement faced a watershed moment.

Nicole Kern (32:50)

There were riots in my town in 2020 and my dad was constantly out working. And you know, during that time time, I was really proud of him just because I saw the sacrifices that he was making.

Andrea Gunning (33:14)

These were the George Floyd protests that were shaking the nation to its core. The mountain town of Colorado Springs was no exception. Dan was working for the department then and recalls the experience.

Caroline Barega (33:27)

For us it was pretty substantial. I mean, we had good week or so of several thousand people out in the streets. It got actually fairly hairy at times as far as just the potential for violence to really get set off.

Andrea Gunning (33:42)

Caroline and Joel wanted their community to know that while they supported the police, they did not accept the kind of policing that led to George Floyd's death.

Narrator (33:53)

Joel was a police officer who absolutely disagreed with what occurred to Joel. George Floyd and made sure anywhere we went socially or publicly known that he did not believe how that circumstance and situation was handled.

Andrea Gunning (34:11)

Even though she supported the protests, she was scared for her husband's safety. He had to work the front lines.

Narrator (34:20)

People were throwing frozen water bottles or rocks and he would say, oh look, look at this bruise that popped up. This was from a frozen water bottle. We had friends who, they knew that he was working long hours and would hear from me that he hadn't been home for 16, 17 hours and they were bringing food over and checking in on him, letting him know that they were praying for him, that they knew he was one of the good ones.

Andrea Gunning (34:44)

That's what they all thought, that he was one of the good ones.

Sponsor Voice (35:04)

When something doesn't feel right, it often isn't. And sometimes you just need someone to talk to, someone who gets it. California Psychics connects people with gifted advisors who offer real insight, not just answers. They're here to help you trust your instincts and feel confident in your next step. Right now it's just $1 per minute. Visit californiapsychics.com and find support, clarity and maybe even peace.

Sponsor Voice (35:34)

You see the world differently where others see empty lots. You see blueprints where others sit in lecture halls. Future leaders Choose Ferris State University to build something real. Ready to dig in and learn through action. Ferris State gives you the tools, the team and training to unleash your potential with paths to high demand careers and in state tuition for non residents. At Ferris State, students don't just study, they build. They lead, they succeed. Visit ferris. Edu Ferris State University we build Champions.

Sponsor Voice (36:04)

Tired of spills and stains on your sofa? Wash away your worries with Annabe. Annabe is the only machine washable sofa inside and out. We're designer Quality needs meets budget friendly prices. That's right, sofas start at just $699 and now's the perfect time to upgrade. During the Memorial Day sale, get up to 60% off site wide. Enjoy a no risk experience with pet friendly stain resistant and changeable slipcovers made with performance fabric. Experience cloud like comfort with high resilience foam that's hypoallergenic and never needs fluffing. The sturdy steel frame ensures longevity and the modern modular pieces can be rearranged anytime. Shop washablesofas.com to save big this Memorial Day backed by a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not absolutely in love, send it back for a full refund. No return shipping or restocking fees. Every penny back. Don't miss the Memorial Day sale Upgrade now@washablesofas.com that's washablesofas.com Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

Sponsor Voice (37:04)

This episode is brought to you by.

Andrea Gunning (37:06)

Opill, the first over the counter daily.

Sponsor Voice (37:08)

Birth control pill available in the Opill.

Andrea Gunning (37:12)

Is a daily birth control pill that's FDA approved, full prescription, strength and estrogen.

Sponsor Voice (37:16)

Free, plus there's no prescription needed. Finally, the days of needing a prescription for birth control are over. This is the moment to take control.

Andrea Gunning (37:24)

Of your health and reproductive journeys because.

Sponsor Voice (37:27)

Opill is birth control in your control. Opill is available online and at most major retailers.

Andrea Gunning (37:33)

Use code betrayal for 25% off your.

Sponsor Voice (37:36)

First month of opill@opill.com.

Andrea Gunning (37:40)

Caroline knew Joel was one of the good ones. She had seen it with her own eyes. Joel was her rock during one of the hardest moments of her life.

Narrator (37:51)

I described for you just how close I was with my parents. Joel was with me and my family when my dad passed away in 2011. And then in 2016, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. My mom was scheduled to go in for just a routine appointment in December of 2016, and I had a court obligation with my job and I couldn't attend the appointment and said, you know, should I cancel it? Should I get coverage? My mom said, no, no, no, it's just routine and maybe I'll ask Joel to go with me and then I can take him out for a lunch date. And I was sitting at my desk at work anticipating that I would get an update. And Joel called me and he said, hey, are you alone? And I said, yeah. And he said, I got to talk to you about your mom's appointment. And so I said, okay. Is everything okay? He said, no. And he said all of her labs came back really concerning. And at this point the oncologist says there's just really nothing that they can do for her and your mom doesn't want to try anything else. And I just walked out of work and I, I drove to my mom's house and, and she was laying in bed. He was sitting next to her, holding her hand. And she died February 1, 2017. And he was there for those last moments. I remember that night laying next to him and I said, you and the kids are all I have now. And he said, we're going to be together till the day we die. We'll be grandparents. We have these two great kids.

Andrea Gunning (39:57)

The same mother who once said, don't tell me you're marrying a cop, had come to trust him, to love him.

Narrator (40:06)

One of the pieces of my mom passing away was that she left him in charge of all of her affairs. So he handled my mom's estate for her.

Andrea Gunning (40:19)

Joel stepped in again when Caroline was faced with an uncomfortable decision.

Narrator (40:24)

I inherited different things, and one of them was a specific rental property that I just did not want.

Andrea Gunning (40:30)

Caroline asked for discretion here, but I will say this. The property had a lot of dark history in her family.

Narrator (40:38)

I said, I don't want this. I hate this place. It has bad memories. It's always been a problem in my family. I don't want this rental property. And he said, it's passive income. I'll handle everything about it. You don't need to worry about it.

Sponsor Voice (40:54)

He stuck to his word and took.

Andrea Gunning (40:55)

Charge of the rental property. And take note, the rental property is important because it's going to come back later in Caroline's story. Actually, almost every anecdote you've heard up until this point will too. Soon. After the loss of Caroline's mother, another exciting career opportunity came Joel's way. The CSPD public information officer was retiring, and Joel was offered the position on a temporary basis. This role meant he'd be the face of the department, handling media relations and serving as the spokesperson. Here he is giving an interview to a journalist.

Caroline Barega (41:35)

Is it like during this time of the year that homicides kind of picked up?

Joel Kern (41:40)

I don't think there's any science, per se, on when a homicide would occur, because for the most part, it's a intimate, violent crime where often committed by somebody that you know.

Narrator (41:51)

Joel would be the person at different crime scenes or at different organization or events where he would give the speech on behalf of the police department.

Andrea Gunning (42:03)

Joel loved being the CSPD spokesperson, and he loved the recognition.

Narrator (42:09)

He would light up if we were in the grocery store or if he was outside mowing the lawn and one of the neighbors would point out, or someone would randomly point out, oh, my gosh, I saw you on tv.

Andrea Gunning (42:20)

Their home office was almost a shrine to Joel's accomplishments. With newspaper clippings made plaques. He even jokingly referred to it as the Love Me Room. They were all proud of him. Plus, the job meant he was on the day shift, and that meant more time together. Once the temporary role as public information officer ended, Joel tried to get as much experience across multiple departments as he could. It was the best path to leadership. Eventually, his hard work was recognized, and before long, he was up for the rank of lieutenant. This was a promotion, but it came with a drawback. He would be back on the grueling night shift, at least for the time being.

Narrator (43:06)

And just as I did with him when he was trying to become a sergeant, I mock interview questions, read over his promotional book, took a look at all that stuff, and in 2017, he was promoted to lieutenant.

Andrea Gunning (43:20)

Then a year later, in 2018, Joel was offered the role of public information officer. But this time, it would be permanent.

Narrator (43:30)

He came home, and we were both excited because he was selected for it. About two weeks later, he came home early in the morning and was just acting very strange. And I asked him, what. What's going on? He said, I had a falling out with the chief. And I said, you had a falling out with the chief of police? And he said, I had a falling out with him, and he's taken away my opportunity to be the public information officer. And I'm like, what are you talking about? What happened?

Andrea Gunning (44:06)

Eventually, Joel revealed something that shook Caroline. He'd been grappling with reoccurring memories of a childhood trauma. It was something she'd known about. She didn't realize it was interfering with his work. Joel explained how the stress had built up, leading to an explosive confrontation with the chief. With Caroline's unwavering support, he agreed to start therapy. Caroline found Joel a counselor experienced with first responders and ptsd. The PIO job. It was a loss, but Joel's mental health was the priority. And later the same year, Joel was given another daytime assignment, overseeing special events for the department. The job had its perks. He organized the motorcade with the Secret Service whenever the president or vice president came to town. And for Caroline, it meant more time together as a family and more quality time with her husband. And for a while, Joel seemed well. Then one night, they attended one of their son's sporting events together. Joel was distracted and despondent.

Narrator (45:17)

He became extremely withdrawn and very agitated. And so this is about 2019.

Andrea Gunning (45:25)

Caroline was concerned. He was obviously in distress. Their son just turned 16 and started driving.

Narrator (45:33)

I said something to him, and his commentary was, it's because I can't get out of my head that he's driving, and he could be in an accident. Like he said to me, you know, I think of all the kids who I've seen in accidents who've been killed, and I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about it. And so he's telling me this, and I was mortified.

Andrea Gunning (45:55)

Police officers are the first responders to a lot of disturbing situations. So it wasn't a surprise that Joel experienced this type of ptsd. These moments were tough, but they were infrequent. Caroline looked for the joy in their lives and made it a point to celebrate all the good they had.

Narrator (46:16)

Our son graduated from high school. Our daughter had her 16th birthday, and we celebrated 20 years of marriage.

Andrea Gunning (46:27)

They wanted to celebrate big with a family beach vacation. Here's Caroline and Joel's son.

Caroline Barega (46:33)

I took my best friend from home, and then my family, family friends, we all went down to Mexico.

Andrea Gunning (46:40)

Joel and Caroline were devising a plan of their own for their anniversary.

Narrator (46:46)

Joel and I had talked about renewing our vows, and he suggested we keep it as the price. He said, let's not tell anyone. Let's, you know, get everyone together somehow. On the beach.

Nicole Kern (46:59)

It was a surprise when I saw my mom in that long dress. I remember, like, tearing up, because when I was growing up, I never, ever saw my dad cry. And so he started, like, tearing up and, you know, his voice cracking a little bit when he was just talking about how the first time he proposed to my mom, it wasn't the best proposal. And so this was a redo, he said. And he, like, got on one knee and gave my mom a new engagement ring. And so, yeah, I started tearing up because I never saw my dad kind of express his emotions like that.

Andrea Gunning (47:51)

Caroline shared some photos with me. She looks stunning in a long white dress with a low back. In one shot, her son walks beside her on the beach and her daughter holds flowers. The kids look so proud of their parents.

Nicole Kern (48:07)

She did look like a bride, so it was cool to see her all dolled up.

Andrea Gunning (48:15)

Their son can still picture it.

Caroline Barega (48:17)

It was a proud moment for me because I walked my mom down the quote unquote aisle, more like a sidewalk, to the beach.

Andrea Gunning (48:27)

The ceremony left their family and friends feeling an afterglow long past the trip. But less than a year later, In March of 22, Joel's mental health took another turn for the worse. Caroline was terrified. She had never seen him so upset or vulnerable.

Narrator (48:47)

And I said, you know, what's going on? And he says to me, caroline, I think I'm having. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. Like, I can't stop thinking about so many things.

Andrea Gunning (48:57)

He was having horrifying, intrusive thoughts that wouldn't stop.

Narrator (49:03)

He's crying and I'm crying. He was sitting on the couch, and I'm sitting there and I'm kneeling in front of him. And I just said, quit. Just quit. You know, you've done this for over 25 years. Just quit. We'll figure it out. I can't stand seeing you like this. I don't want you to feel like this.

Andrea Gunning (49:26)

The job must have been weighing on him for decades. And it was all coming out now. The couple had heart to hearts. Joel opened up about his parents, details he'd never shared before. They started talking about the future, about what life could look like if he changed careers. Caroline didn't care what he did. She just wanted him healthy, happy. Then on Sunday, April 10, Joel did something no one saw coming. It rocked his family in the best way.

Narrator (49:59)

Our daughter wanted to go to church. He never went. And as our daughter and I are getting ready, he emerges and says he's going with us. And our daughter said, daddy, are you serious? You're really going to go to church with us? And he said, yes. And so we go to bed that night. Next day. I love you. I love you. I'm proud of you for making all of these committed changes for yourself. I know. I feel really good about it. Let's keep talking about it. I love it. Sounds good. Kiss him goodbye.

Andrea Gunning (50:34)

She thinks about that moment often because it was the last time she understood her world.

Narrator (50:42)

And as I'm at work, it's about 1:30 in the afternoon and I'm in an online meeting and I see a notification on my phone. And so it's our house cameras. There's someone detected at the front door and in my driveway. And I look and I see it's Joel and he's dragging up the trash cans. It was trash day. And I thought, that's weird. Wonder why he's home. And so I just sent him a quick text and I said, hey, I'm in an online meeting. What are you doing home so early? And he didn't respond. And I'm watching him, I'm watching him pull up the trash can, I'm watching him pull up the recycle. And then I think to myself, where's his take home car? You know, I don't see his take home cop car. And then I sent him another text. Joel, is everything okay? How come you're home so early? And so I see like the three little dots, the ellipses just kind of bouncing on my phone screen. And he responded back, no, everything's not okay. I fucked up the worst I've ever fucked up in my life. I've ruined our lives. You're going to want to divorce me. I stared at that text for several seconds and then I said, what is going on? What is going on? And he wouldn't respond back to me. And I said, I'm going to leave work. Please tell me what is going on. You have me terrified. And then he texted back, I was caught receiving oral sex from two women in my cop car. I lied about it during an internal affairs investigation. I am now pending termination. I just sat there at my desk and I gently closed my laptop. I didn't excuse myself from my online meeting and I didn't tell anyone I was leaving work. I kept my composure until I could walk outside and I was on a street corner headed to my car, which was parked in a garage before I just started breaking down. And I called him and I remember just tears streaming down my face. And I said, what did you do? What did you do? And he just kept chanting, carolyn, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Andrea Gunning (53:10)

This season on Betrayal, the good guy Joel appeared to be was all a facade.

Narrator (53:18)

Based on that information, tell me what happened that you believe was the basis for the allegations. I would say that, you know, it wouldn't be something that I'd want my wife or kids reading, obviously. Did part of you know deep down.

Andrea Gunning (53:37)

That this was wrong?

Joel Kern (53:39)

Yes.

Narrator (53:41)

The momentary times you had these encounters, did it make you feel good?

Andrea Gunning (53:54)

Thank you for listening to Betrayal Season four. If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal team, email us@betrayalpodmail.com that's betrayalpodmail.com also please be sure to follow us on Instagram, betrayalpod and me andreah gunning for all Betrayal content, news and updates. One way to support the series is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. Please rate and review Betrayal 5 star reviews. Help us know you appreciate what we do. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison. Betrayal is hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning, written and produced, produced by Carrie Hartman, also produced by Ben Fetterman. Our associate producers are Caitlin golden and Kristin Melchiori. Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krynczyk. Story editing by Monique Laborde, audio editing and mixing by Matt d' Alvecchio editing by Tanner Robbins voice acting by Kaitlyn golden and special thanks to Caroline and her family. Betrayal's theme is composed by Oliver Baines Music Library, provided by My Music and for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

Sponsor Voice (55:20)

When trust is broken, the hardest part is figuring out what's real and what comes next. That's where California psychics comes in their gifted advisors help people make sense of the past and find power in their future. From love and loyalty to closure and clarity, California Psychics has guided thousands through life's turning points. Right now it's just a dollar per minute. Visit californiapsychics.com and start the path to clarity.

Sponsor Voice (55:50)

Today you see the world differently. Where others see empty lots, you see blueprints. Where others sit in lecture halls, Future leaders choose Ferris State University to build something real. Ready to dig in and learn through action, Ferris State gives you the tools, the team and training to unleash your potential with paths to high demand careers and in state tuition for non residents. At Ferris State, students don't just study, they build. They lead. They succeed. Visit ferris. Edu Ferris State University we build champions.

Sponsor Voice (56:21)

You know what every betrayal story has in common? There are always signs that something isn't right. Just like when your own body turns against you. Sluggish digestion, constant fatigue and trouble losing weight. They're all signs of a disrupted gut. Introducing Bioma, a novel supplement that contains everything you need for a healthy gut. Enjoy comfortable digestion, boundless energy and even smoother weight management. When following a healthy lifestyle, just take two Byoma capsules each morning before breakfast and start feeling your best. Visit Byoma Health and use code BETRIAL to get 15% off your first order.

Joel Kern (56:56)

Not everyone who handles your personal information is going to be as careful as you are. And it only takes one mistake to expose it to hackers and identity theft. Maybe that's why there's a new victim of identity theft every five seconds in the United States. Fortunately, there's LifeLock. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity. If your identity is stolen, a LifeLock US based restoration specialist will help solve identity theft issues on your behalf, guaranteed or your money back. Plus, all LifeLock plans are backed by the million dollar protection package, meaning LifeLock will reimburse you up to the limits of your plan. If you lose money due to identity theft. You can't control how diligent others are with your personal information, but with Lifelock you can help protect it. Act now and save up to 40% your first year. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code iheart or go to lifelock.com iheart for 40% off. Terms apply.

Narrator (57:50)

You're listening to an iheart podc.