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Andrea Gunning
This is an iHeart podcast.
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Andrea Gunning
I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is a bonus episode of Betrayal.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
For this bonus episode, we'd like to share more excerpts from the survivors group discussion. Because these women, Ember, Natalie, Stephanie, and Saskia, had so much more to say than we could fit in one episode. This discussion was moderated by a professional.
Megan Cutter
Having conversations with survivors is really near and dear to not just my heart, but to Rain's heart.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
Megan Cutter is the chief of victim services at rainn, the Rape, abuse, and incest national network. Rain has been working with us throughout season five.
Megan Cutter
Healing is not a linear journey. It's not a straight line. So I want to talk about that concept with all of you and would love to get a sense of, like, how do you define healing for you? And I think this can be a conversation of, like, how this feels. How's this show up? So let's talk about healing.
Ember
I think that's the hard part. There's no, like, arrival.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
That's Ember. It's been two decades since she found out her then fiance was drugging and raping her.
Ember
If you had asked me 20 years ago, I would have been like, yeah, by 20 years in, I'm gonna be all better. I'm not even gonna think about this anymore. I wish it was something where we could just flip a switch and never think about it again. My capacity has changed, though. My ability to not judge myself, that was a huge thing that I had to get over, was like, why am I not better? So I went internal with a lot of it for a very long time. I still think of it almost every day, but it doesn't take my feet out from underneath me when I think about it.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
Then another survivor, Natalie, jumped in like,
Natalie
you, Ember, I'm going on 12 years.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
That's how long it's been since Natalie found images on her son's iPad of her husband assaulting her.
Natalie
I remember there being a time years ago where I'm like, no, I'm fine. Like, I could totally handle this. I can deal with it. I'll just keep this inside and shove it in a little box and it's fine. And, no, it's not, because days would pop up and I'm like, ugh, I'm really not fine.
Stephanie
I think, you know we all share this common feeling that I don't know how to fix my life after it's completely blown up like this.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
That's Stephanie. She shared her story in season one of Betrayal Weekly. After 23 years of marriage, she found intimate photos of herself on her husband's laptop.
Stephanie
But it was very empowering for me to share my story through the Betrayal Podcast. And the best part of what came out of that is that the podcast producers connected me with Saskia, who is my absolute soul sister.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
Back when we first met Saskia, we immediately saw the parallels between her and Stephanie's stories, so we connected them via email. Email threads eventually turned into long phone calls, which gave way to a deep friendship. Stephanie even flew out to visit Saskia in Maryland last summer. They watched TV together, went on walks, and when one of them felt overcome with grief or anxiety, they didn't have to explain because they both understood. Here's Saskia.
Saskia
You know, to see how strong Stephanie was through this gave me more of the, you know what I'm gonna see that I can be a survivor, that I am a survivor, and that I can help other people with this. We can make sure that nobody else feels as alone as we did. I feel like I'm in really good company.
Stephanie
And now to have Natalie and Ember also to join this terrible sisterhood that no one wants to be a part of is just really, really powerful.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
Like the other Survivors, Saskia's effort to rebuild her life is ongoing.
Saskia
One thing that was so hard for me is that this was seven years of my life where I thought that I had a wonderful husband and a wonderful family, and I didn't know what to do with those seven years of memories. We had to not only deal with being raped, but also having our whole lives as we knew them fall apart. I wouldn't wish that on anybody, but I think it allows us to kind of build back up and take some of our control back. But I think a necessary part is to gain more confidence, be more aware of our needs and our wants. Right. I know. I've learned that you do have to be a little bit selfish in life just to survive. I always thought that was a bad word, being selfish. But I think being selfless, you know, really enabled me to be taken advantage of.
Stephanie
I think it's a matter of not selfishness, but self preservation. I've learned, and I see that in you also, Saskia. We have finally figured out that we need to prioritize ourselves, our feelings, and taking care of ourselves and not just everybody else,
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Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available@public.com disclosures if you're feeling
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Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
Right around the same time Saskia reached out to us, Gisele Pellicaut's story was gaining international attention. Giselle is the woman in France whose husband drugged and raped her over the course of a decade and invited dozens of other men to do the same. Megan Cutter, the facilitator for Reign, brought up Giselle's case with the group.
Megan Cutter
When you see stories in the news, in the media over the last year or so, we've seen a lot of conversation about Gisele Pellicot and her story. What's the impact of seeing a story like Gisele's in the media or hearing on the podcast a story similar to your own?
Stephanie
I felt like the Gisele Pellico story has been really important in bringing awareness to the whole world that there is such a thing as marital rape, marital sexual abuse.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
That's Stephanie again.
Stephanie
Her country gave her the privilege of having her anonymity, but she still went forward to bring this abuse onto a national, international spotlight, which was just amazing.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
Here's Ember.
Ember
I go on TikTok, social media, Instagram, and I can come across just in my scrolling so many accounts of people talking about sexual abuse and it's like, okay, people are talking about this in the public square where that was not the case 20 years ago but is it where it needs to be? No. Let's not just pat ourselves in the back as a culture and say, look at us. We've become so much better at this. It's like better doesn't necessarily mean good, you know, and what more do we need to do?
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
Then Natalie brought up another high profile sexual abuse case, one that saw polarizing public reaction.
Natalie
When you said in the media, I remember Bill Cosby, and I was listening to that and just listening to commentary from people just being so angry and wanting to stand up for those victims and trying to educate people on how wrong it is.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
Bill Cosby was America's dad. But in 2014 and 2015, more than 60 women came forward accusing him of drugging and raping them. The victims were torn apart in the press and online. Many were accused of making these allegations up for fame or financial gain.
Natalie
I didn't realize at that time, but I feel exactly what those other victims were feeling. And being labeled as that is just something shameful to carry. People give their opinions and sometimes it would just be really hard because, you know, you just have to sit there and kind of take it.
Megan Cutter
We talk a lot at Rainn about the myth of the perfect victim.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
We think a lot about this myth on betrayal too, how it contributes to some survivors being perceived as more sympathetic, believable, while others are written off.
Megan Cutter
The perfect victim, they weren't drinking, they weren't using drugs. They remembered every single moment of their abuse and they remembered it in order. And they went right to the police and they said, I need help right away. And this idea of what someone, quote, unquote, should do when they experience sexual violence, which is not at all aligned with how trauma works in the brain, how abusers function, like it's not real. And when someone doesn't match that idea, there can be judgment, there can be shame. There can be a lot of putting something on the survivor. Have there been moments when you all have questioned your own experience because of the expectations put on you by that perfect victim dialogue?
Ember
When you look at like the perfect victim, I was not a partier. I wasn't out drinking regularly. I didn't have a fake id. I never drank, did drugs. Even with that, I was deemed a non credible witness by the first two police officers that I spoke to. And they're like, yeah, your testimony won't stand. You know, the DA won't pick this up if I don't remember things in a linear way. It's so frustrating. I wasn't somebody of ill repute. It didn't make any difference in my case.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
Then Saskia spoke. She knew firsthand what it meant to be held to that perfect victim standard. She lived through it in her divorce case with Mike, I feel like he
Saskia
was given every grace, every opportunity to just shit on me, My mental health, my substance use and abuse. We've been so traumatized already. To have to then put your life on display and talk about your vulnerabilities and defend them. I couldn't have expected the nightmare.
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
Saskia did conform to the perfect victim narrative in at least one way. She rushed to report Mike, her abuser, the moment she realized what was happening.
Saskia
But I think back, and if I had my wits about me, maybe I would have chose more self preservation, right? I had two stepdaughters, and as soon as I discovered what happened, they were pulled from my lives and the lives of my kids. My kids had to see me falling to my knees. So I have guilt for some of the things that I did too. You know, I don't think that I'm better than anybody because I chose this path. We all have to give ourselves grace for our choices and what we had to do to survive.
Megan Cutter
I am sitting with what each of you have shared and talked about, and I think it's reminding me survivorship is not a monolith. Right? And I imagine for people listening to this too, to hear that there are different ways to navigate this will hopefully make them feel like whatever way they're trying to stay safe is okay and is right and is valid. My last question is, if there's a survivor listening to this, what is it that you wish for them?
Ember
My wish and desire for you is that you would know that you are loved, that you deserve safety and kindness and compassion exactly as you are right now.
Stephanie
I want any victim survivor of this to know that she did nothing to cause this. And the shame is 100% on the perpetrator. And you're not alone.
Natalie
Carrying that shame is really what kept me from a lot. And it really isn't yours to carry. It's not ours to carry.
Saskia
I think I would share that. It's not what happens to you, it's what you do with that and how you respond to it that shows the type of person that you are. And it's possible to have something so tragic happen to you and still have goodness and hope and not let anyone take that away from you.
Andrea Gunning
For resources on sexual violence, visit rainnnnnn.org betrayal that's R A I N N.org betrayal you can also get free confidential 24. 7 support through RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline. Just text HOPE to 64673 or call 1-800-656-HOPE you are not alone. If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal Team or want to tell us your story, email us@betrayalpod.com that is betrayalpodmail.com or follow us on Instagram etrayalpod to access additional content and to connect with the Betrayal community. Join our substack@betrayal.substack.com we're grateful for your support. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. Don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison, hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning, written and produced
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
by Leah Jablo with additional production by Kaitlyn Golden.
Andrea Gunning
Our supervising producer is Carrie Hartman. Our story editor is Monique Laborde. Also produced by Ben Fetterman. Our Associate producer is Olivia Hewitt. Production management by Kristen Melchiori. Additional support by Curry Richman. Our iHeart team is Ally Perry and Jessica Krynczyk. Audio editing by Tanner Robbins with additional editing and mixing by Matt d'. Alvecchio. Special thanks to Saskia, her friends and family and special thanks to Will Pearson and Carrie Lieberman. The roundtable discussion was led with the
Narrator/Producer Leah Jablo
help of Rainn, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network.
Andrea Gunning
Thank you to our facilitator Megan Cutter and to Angelina Marcano for her support. Additional thanks to Jennifer Simmons Caleba Betrayal's theme is composed by Oliver Baines Music Library provided by MyB Music and for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Andrea Gunning
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Podcast: Betrayal Weekly
Host: Andrea Gunning
Release Date: March 16, 2026
This bonus episode of Betrayal Weekly dives deeper into the lived experiences of sexual violence survivors, specifically focusing on their ongoing journeys of healing, challenges with societal myths about “perfect victims,” and the bonds they've formed with each other. Host Andrea Gunning, narrator/producer Leah Jablo, and special facilitator Megan Cutter (Chief of Victim Services at RAINN) lead a raw, honest roundtable featuring survivors Ember, Natalie, Stephanie, and Saskia. The conversation explores how each woman reclaims her life after profound betrayal and trauma, highlighting strength, vulnerability, and the power of community.
Host/Facilitator: Megan Cutter opens by discussing the myth that healing from trauma is a "straight line."
"Healing is not a linear journey. It's not a straight line." — Megan Cutter (03:33)
Ember’s Perspective: Healing is perpetual, not an end point.
“There’s no, like, arrival... I still think of it almost every day, but it doesn’t take my feet out from underneath me when I think about it.” — Ember (03:53)
Natalie’s Journey: Denial and internalization early on; realization that ignoring trauma didn’t work.
“I could totally handle this…I’ll just keep this inside and shove it in a little box and it’s fine. And, no, it’s not…” — Natalie (04:55)
Stephanie on Support & Empowerment:
“It was very empowering for me to share my story through the Betrayal Podcast. And the best part...the podcast producers connected me with Saskia, who is my absolute soul sister.” — Stephanie (05:40)
Saskia & Stephanie’s Bond: Shared pain leads to profound connection; visiting in person solidified their friendship.
Saskia’s Realization:
“I’ve learned that you do have to be a little bit selfish in life just to survive…I always thought that was a bad word… But I think being selfless...really enabled me to be taken advantage of.” — Saskia (07:15)
Stephanie’s Clarification: Prioritizing oneself is necessity, not selfishness.
“It’s a matter of not selfishness, but self preservation…We have finally figured out that we need to prioritize ourselves, our feelings, and taking care of ourselves and not just everybody else.” — Stephanie (08:15)
International Awareness: Gisele Pellicaut’s case in France—husband drugged/raped her and enabled others; raises global awareness of marital sexual abuse.
Stephanie’s Response to Gisele’s Story:
“I felt like the Gisele Pellico story has been really important in bringing awareness to the whole world that there is such a thing as marital rape…” — Stephanie (13:27)
Ember on Social Media Progress:
“People are talking about this in the public square where that was not the case 20 years ago but is it where it needs to be? No. Let’s not just pat ourselves on the back as a culture…better doesn’t necessarily mean good.” — Ember (14:03)
Natalie on Bill Cosby Case:
“I remember Bill Cosby, and…I wanted to stand up for those victims and trying to educate people on how wrong it is.” — Natalie (14:41)
“I didn’t realize at that time, but I feel exactly what those other victims were feeling…being labeled as that is just something shameful to carry.” — Natalie (15:23)
Megan Cutter/RAINN: Outlines the unrealistic "perfect victim" trope (prompt police reporting, clear narratives, no prior vulnerabilities).
“This idea of what someone, quote, unquote, should do when they experience sexual violence…is not at all aligned with how trauma works in the brain…” — Megan Cutter (16:03)
Ember’s Experience with Authorities:
“Even with [being sober and not partying], I was deemed a non credible witness by the first two police officers that I spoke to.” — Ember (16:45)
Saskia’s Divorce Struggles: Faced harsh scrutiny due to mental health and substance use, compounded by trauma.
“[My ex] was given every grace, every opportunity to just shit on me, my mental health, my substance use and abuse…to have to then put your life on display...I couldn’t have expected the nightmare.” — Saskia (17:26)
Guilt Over Reporting: Saskia grappling with consequences, loss, and survivor’s guilt for her choices.
“I have guilt for some of the things that I did too…I don’t think that I’m better than anybody because I chose this path. We all have to give ourselves grace...” — Saskia (18:10)
Ember:
“You are loved, that you deserve safety and kindness and compassion exactly as you are right now.” — Ember (19:26)
Stephanie:
“I want any victim survivor of this to know that she did nothing to cause this. And the shame is 100% on the perpetrator. And you’re not alone.” — Stephanie (19:41)
Natalie:
“Carrying that shame is really what kept me from a lot. And it really isn’t yours to carry.” — Natalie (19:59)
Saskia:
“It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do with that and how you respond to it that shows the type of person that you are. And…it’s possible to have something so tragic happen to you and still have goodness and hope and not let anyone take that away from you.” — Saskia (20:10)
Stephanie on Survivor Community:
“To have Natalie and Ember also to join this terrible sisterhood that no one wants to be a part of is just really, really powerful.” — Stephanie (06:56)
On Cultural Change:
“Better doesn’t necessarily mean good, you know, and what more do we need to do?” — Ember (14:03)
On Community & Support:
“We can make sure that nobody else feels as alone as we did. I feel like I’m in really good company.” — Saskia (06:36)
The discussion is unsparing, supportive, and defies sensationalism; survivors speak with vulnerability and candor as they debunk harmful myths and reinforce the need for grace, solidarity, and hope.
This episode is essential listening for survivors, loved ones, and anyone seeking to understand the realities of surviving, coping, and supporting each other after betrayal and sexual violence.