Betrayal Season 4, Episode 3 — "Revisionist History"
Original Release: June 5, 2025
Host: Andrea Gunning
Summary by Podcast Summarizer AI
Episode Overview
In this emotional third episode of Season 4, "Revisionist History," host Andrea Gunning guides listeners through the unraveling of Caroline Kern’s marriage to Joel Kern, a respected Colorado Springs police officer. The episode details how, following Joel’s admission of infidelity on April 11, 2022—Caroline’s “D Day”—a flood of revelations forced Caroline and her children to re-examine twenty years of family memories, questioning which were real and which hid Joel's double life. The show’s format cleverly uses a “split screen” approach, contrasting what Caroline experienced with what was really happening behind the scenes.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Day That Changed Everything — D Day
[03:39]
- On April 11, 2022, Joel confessed to receiving oral sex in his police car while on duty and was placed on leave, directly threatening the family's stability.
- The betrayal isn’t just about marital infidelity; it represents Joel breaking two sworn oaths—one to his badge and one to his bride—and fundamentally shakes Caroline’s perception of her 20-year partnership.
Caroline: “To say I was numb is an understatement. Like, I have been with this person for more than half my life. He is all I have known. It just was this feeling of, what the hell am I going to do?” ([05:35])
2. Re-examining the Past: Early Red Flags & Rationalizations
[06:38–08:21]
- Soon after their 2001 wedding, Caroline discovers explicit emails between Joel and the friend who read at their wedding.
- Joel assures Caroline it was "just attention seeking," promises counseling and says it won’t happen again.
- Caroline rationalizes the incident as “just emails,” subconsciously choosing to see the best in Joel and hoping adversity would make them stronger.
Caroline: “I convinced myself there was no physical cheating, and so we were able to work through this early on...I thought, naively, that this was going to make us stronger.” ([09:22])
3. Split Screen Realities: Parenting & Family Milestones
[10:21–12:38]
- Joel’s pattern of prioritizing work over family is revealed to be a cover for his double life.
- Joel misses the birth of their first child, later giving a flimsy excuse about needing rest while leaving Caroline alone at the hospital.
- When their daughter Nicole is hospitalized in 2019, Joel refuses to take off work citing “bad optics,” though later evidence suggests he used the time to arrange to meet someone for sex.
Caroline (on Joel missing her daughter’s illness): “I now know why he really wasn’t there. I found very clear evidence later that he had made arrangements to meet someone for sex.” ([14:19])
4. The Rental Property Incident: A Masterclass in Manipulation
[19:43–23:16]
- In 2020, the family receives a tip that Joel is sleeping with their rental property tenant.
- Joel orchestrates a staged confrontation with Caroline and the tenant, who denies everything; Joel appears calm and in control.
- Caroline’s son recalls apologizing to Joel after initially believing the accusation; only after Joel’s ultimate confession do they learn the confrontation was pure “theater.”
Joel and Caroline’s son: “He proved his innocence, seemingly, to us...Come to find out, all of it was true.” ([21:52], [22:38])
- Joel later admits to sex with the renter, confirming he’d coached her to “keep her mouth shut.”
5. Lies at Work: Using His Badge as a Shield
[24:35–28:49]
- Joel uses his police work as cover for affairs—claiming bruises from protest duty were actually from rough sex with a co-worker, lying about responding to emergencies when he was meeting women he met online.
- Caroline uses Life360 to discover Joel's lies about his whereabouts.
- Despite mounting inconsistencies, Joel continually manipulates her into doubting herself or believing faulty technology.
Caroline: “After we learned about his true colors... I asked him about that night. And he said, yeah, I had met someone on the Internet and we arranged to meet at an exit close to the Air Force Academy. And that’s where I was at. And you caught me.” ([28:30])
6. The Mistress Perspective & Smear Campaign
[33:12–35:19]
- Caroline confronts Joel’s co-worker mistress, who confirms the affair and offers blunt advice regarding Caroline's health and Joel's character.
- The mistress reveals Joel lied about his marriage, painting Caroline as “controlling” and alienating her from the police community—a textbook isolation tactic.
- A former officer confirms the department “knew” Joel’s wife as a problem.
Mistress (paraphrased): “He was lying to everyone about himself...You should look at getting HIV and HPV tested...he is a total lying piece of shit and you deserve better.” ([33:50])
Former Officer: “She kind of wore the pants in the house....That seemed to me to be somewhat common knowledge in the department.” ([36:05])
7. Performative Contrition: Vow Renewal and False Hopes
[37:37–39:06]
- Joel organizes a vow renewal in the wake of an affair, proposing on one knee and presenting a new ring in a public display of recommitment.
- Just eight days later, Caroline discovers Joel had been sexting with someone he met online.
- Her son, reflecting, calls the gesture “rooted in a lie,” demonstrating the destructive ripple effect on family memories.
Joel and Caroline’s son: “I don’t think you can look at his actions now and say there could be any truth in it... You feel betrayal and just kind of a phoniness to it.” ([38:26])
8. Haunting Incidents: The Running Truck & Safety Concerns
[40:04–43:02]
- Caroline describes waking to the house filled with exhaust—Joel’s truck left running in the garage with the door slightly open.
- She confronts Joel, who gives multiple implausible explanations, leading Caroline to later question her safety during their marriage.
Caroline: “I was able to open the truck...I turn off the engine, and I’m sitting there for a second, and I’m like, what the heck just happened?” ([42:11])
9. The Final "Family Day" & Fallout
[43:37–45:39]
- The day before D Day, Joel joins the family at church for the first time, giving hope of reconciliation and change. In hindsight, Caroline and Nicole speculate it was Joel’s “Hail Mary” or “last resort.”
- The family enjoys a final happy day, oblivious that everything will soon fall apart.
Nicole: “Looking back on it, maybe it was his last resort to call upon the big man.” ([44:51])
10. The Fallout: Tainted Memories and Enduring Betrayal
[46:03]
- Caroline poignantly reflects on the way Joel’s betrayal has poisoned even her happiest memories.
Caroline: “You know, at random we’ll see a picture and it’s like, oh gosh, there we were at Disney World together. And then my brain goes to God, that was such a great trip. But what were you doing when we weren’t looking?” ([46:03])
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “There were two realities happening, and we’re going to show you the split screen. On one side, what Caroline experienced in the moment, and on the other, what Joel was really doing behind the scenes.” — Andrea Gunning, [03:39]
- “He’s crying and crying and over and over just assured me that it was just merely for attention and that, you know, look, I’ll do anything. And then he said, you know, I’ll go to counseling to assure you that I’ll never let this happen again.” — Caroline, [08:21]
- “The entire scene at the rental property was pure theater. Joel and the tenant played their parts.” — Andrea Gunning, [23:16]
- “He accepted her sympathy and care, all the while knowing that he actually got the bruises from having rough sex with a co worker.” — Andrea Gunning, [25:14]
- “No memory is sacred.” — Andrea, [45:39]
Important Segment Timestamps
- 03:39 — D Day confessions & family shock
- 06:38–08:21 — Discovering early signs of betrayal (wedding, emails)
- 10:21–12:38 — Missed family milestones, birth of first child, daughter’s illness
- 19:43–23:16 — Rental property confrontation & staged innocence
- 24:35–28:49 — Joel uses badge as cover, work-related deceptions
- 33:12–35:19 — Mistress’s text messages & character assassination of Caroline
- 37:37–39:06 — The vow renewal: performative remorse and duplicity
- 40:04–43:02 — Garage exhaust incident: physical jeopardy and plausible deniability
- 43:37–45:39 — The last “normal” day: family, faith, and oblivion to betrayal
- 46:03 — Final reflections on irreparably tainted family memories
Conclusion
"Revisionist History" is a raw, unflinching recounting of how betrayal, gaslighting, and manipulation corrode relationships—until reality itself is upended. Through Caroline's and her children’s reflections, listeners witness how one person’s compulsive duplicity rewrites the past and devastates not only the future, but even the happiest recollections. As the episode closes, questions linger: Was Caroline ever truly safe? And how many more hidden realities remain to be uncovered?
Next Episode Preview:
The story continues with the internal affairs investigation at CSPD, as the department comes to grips with “what they’ve got in Lieutenant Joel Kern” and the challenge of catching a master manipulator in his lies.
For those experiencing betrayal and seeking community or resources, the podcast encourages you to reach out at betrayalpodmail.com and join their Substack for further engagement.