Podcast Summary: Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Episode: How To Protect Children From Online Abuse with Kristen Jenson
Host: Anne Blythe, M.Ed.
Guest: Kristen Jenson, Founder of Defend Young Minds
Date: March 26, 2025
Episode Overview
This episode explores the challenges and strategies for protecting children from online abuse, particularly exposure to pornography. Anne Blythe interviews Kristen Jenson, an advocate and author specializing in educating parents and children about the harms of pornography. The discussion covers not only practical ways parents can educate and empower their children to resist online dangers but addresses the broader impacts of pornography on families, marriages, and mental health. Both guests share personal insights, relevant research, and actionable resources, especially for mothers navigating betrayal trauma and seeking to protect their families.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Kristen Jenson’s Books & Approach
- Kristen introduces her bestsellers, Good Pictures, Bad Pictures and Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Junior, and explains their sustained Amazon success.
- Anne expresses gratitude for Kristen’s accessible, child-friendly approach:
"My kids love your books. We have them all around our house." (01:04)
The Power of Honest Conversations with Children
- Both Anne and Kristen emphasize that children are more ready and resilient in engaging with serious topics than adults often expect.
- Kristen:
"Kids love these books because they respond to the truth... It's a relief to them when you're willing to open up and talk about pornography or talk about the effects of pornography in a relationship, in a marriage, in a family." (02:43)
Why Avoiding the Topic is Harmful
- Some parents believe ignoring or sidestepping the topic will preserve a child’s innocence, but Kristen stresses:
"The goal is not innocence. The goal is teaching a child to make wise decisions." (03:20)
- Sharing a real-life example, she recounts how a child who had been prepared by his mother responded effectively when exposed to pornography by an older sibling's friend (04:08).
"She was so glad that her son was prepared and he knew what to do, and he knew to come and tell her and that she was a safe person to talk to about this." (04:56)
The Real Dangers of “Innocence”
- Anne references research interviews with women affected by betrayal trauma, highlighting a downside of sheltered upbringings:
"Women felt like their quote, unquote, innocence had harmed them... They wish they would have had abuse education." (05:26)
- Lack of sexual health education left some unable to recognize abuse or coercion within marriage.
How Kristen’s Books Teach Healthy Concepts
- Kristen’s materials introduce children to foundational ideas—like respect versus objectification—without direct sexual terminology.
- She outlines the harms pornography inflicts not only on mental health but also on relational capacity and self-concept:
"You can't tell me that watching pornography for years and years and then going into a marriage, that that's not going to affect your sexual template, your expectations and your behavior." (08:33)
- Cites research linking pornography use to psychological distress, including depression, anxiety, and relationship instability (09:55).
Impact of Pornography on Brain Development
- Kristen highlights that pornography disrupts dopamine systems, making everyday pleasures less rewarding and undermining healthy development:
"Normal things that kids used to really enjoy... are just boring. And so it's messing with the dopamine in the brain." (10:53)
Gender Differences in Exposure and Risk
- Kristen describes how girls and boys often encounter pornography in different ways:
- Boys: More direct visual exposure.
- Girls: Drawn in by "erotic literature, fanfiction, anime, and cartoons" (11:38), but often progress to the same risks as boys.
- She’s working on a new book specifically for girls to educate them on these unique risks.
Pornography in Relationships: Heightened Risks
- Kristen cites research that couples who both use pornography have increased risk for infidelity:
"If both partners in a relationship watch pornography together, they have like threefold risk for infidelity, which is harmful to a relationship." (12:19)
- Anne links this insight to betrayal trauma:
"We view porn as infidelity at betrayal, trauma, recovery. So they're already... being unfaithful to each other." (12:40)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Anne Blythe, on unintended child audiences:
"A lot of people have said my children actually love this book. That surprised me." (02:14)
- Kristen Jenson, on children’s resilience:
"Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for..." (02:43)
- Kristen Jenson, on the problem with ‘innocence’:
"The goal is not innocence. The goal is teaching a child to make wise decisions." (03:28)
- Anne Blythe, on survivors’ regrets:
"They wish they would have had abuse education. They wish they would have had sexual abuse education..." (05:30)
- Kristen Jenson, on objectification and harm:
"When you objectify a person, it's easier to hurt them. And that's another harm of pornography..." (07:16)
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 01:15 — Kristen introduces her books and their purpose
- 02:14 — Discussion about surprising child readership of “Trauma Mama, Husband Drama”
- 03:20 — Harmful effects of not talking to children about pornography
- 04:56 — Story of a child effectively responding to exposure
- 05:26 — Research about lack of abuse/sex education harming women later
- 06:58 — How books teach about objectification and respect
- 09:55 — Research on mental health risks of pornography
- 10:53 — Dopamine disruption and loss of healthy engagement for kids
- 11:35 — Gender differences in exposure and content
- 12:19-12:40 — Couples and increased risks of infidelity
- 13:13 — Anne highlights the accessibility and value of Kristen’s resources
Further Resources
- Kristen Jensen’s materials can be found at DefendYoungMinds.com
- Anne Blythe’s book "Trauma Mama, Husband Drama" addresses sexual abuse and betrayal trauma in an accessible way for both adults and unexpectedly for some teens/children.
This episode is essential listening for parents, especially mothers recovering from betrayal trauma, who want to equip their children with the knowledge and resilience to confront online abuse and protect their long-term mental and relational health.