Betrayal: Weekly – Episode 14: Lorena

Introduction

In this compelling episode of Betrayal: Weekly, hosted by Andrea Gunning, we delve into the harrowing true story of Lorena, a Midwestern mother who navigated the tumultuous waters of trust, deception, and ultimate resilience. Lorena's journey from a strong, independent single mother to an individual entangled in a web of betrayal serves as a cautionary tale about the complexities of human relationships and the insidious nature of manipulation.

Early Life and Background

Lorena's story begins with her upbringing in a conservative Baptist community, where large families were the norm. Raised by a single mother who worked in a hospital, Lorena frequently moved during her childhood, fostering a longing for stability and the traditional "nuclear family" she admired.

“I really, really wanted the nuclear family. I really wanted, well, look, it's the mom and it's the dad and it's some kids.” ([04:34] Lorena)

Her aspirations initially aimed towards a career in medicine, inspired by accompanying her mother to the hospital and dreaming of working with premature babies.

“I wanted to be a doctor. I actually wanted to be a neonatologist.” ([05:04] Lorena)

However, adolescence brought challenges. At 16, feeling neglected by her mother, Lorena ran away home, leading to a series of stints in drug treatment centers. These experiences, though brief and ultimately unnecessary for substance abuse, left her grappling with feelings of confinement and isolation.

Meeting Peter

At 18, Lorena moved out of state with her boyfriend, only to discover her first pregnancy shortly after. Determined to build a life on her own terms, she pursued higher education, excelling academically despite the demands of single motherhood.

While studying business, Lorena met Peter, a strikingly handsome and intellectually gifted classmate. Their connection was immediate and intense, evolving rapidly from study partners to inseparable companions.

“He asks me if I want to study and I'm like, he is setting the standard on all the tests and he's wanting to study with me. And I'm like, yeah, I love that. And so we make plans and when he comes over, we don't study.” ([08:00] Lorena)

Peter's charisma and intelligence provided Lorena with a sense of being seen and heard, a stark contrast to her previous relationships. Their swift progression culminated in Peter proposing marriage to secure the future for their soon-to-be-born child.

“He picked me up, put me on the counter and looked in my eyes and said, please, please, will you marry me? I don't want our child to not have a father. And I was like, yeah. Yes, I.” ([10:15] Lorena)

Building the Family

Their marriage quickly expanded with the adoption of Lorena's two younger children and the birth of additional siblings, bringing their family to a total of nine children. Lorena embraced her role as a full-time mother, while Peter pursued an MBA from a prestigious Ivy League institution, further solidifying their appearances of success and stability.

“I'm so happy to be at home with my kids because I haven't ever had this opportunity to just be a full-time mom.” ([11:13] Lorena)

Upon Peter's graduation, the family relocated back to their home state, where Peter secured a lucrative position with a major energy company. Their return marked the beginning of their deepened involvement with the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), a conservative fundamentalist organization.

Involvement with IBLP Church

IBLP, known for its strict adherence to patriarchal norms and promotion of large families, became the family's central hub. Lorena and Peter embraced the church's teachings, which emphasized rigid gender roles and the importance of expanding their family under the guise of divine providence.

“We believe in letting the Lord give us as many kids as we want. That's what we're going to do.” ([12:38] Lorena)

This involvement brought about significant changes in their daily lives, including strict dress codes and rigid household structures designed to reinforce control and obedience.

“Women cannot be over men. Men are the umbrella of protection the women were there to make the food and to keep the kids quiet.” ([15:21] Lorena)

Signs of Deception

Despite the outward appearance of a harmonious family, subtle cracks began to appear. Lorena noticed Peter's lack of involvement in childcare and an increasing reliance on rigid financial structures that alienated her from their household finances.

“I thought that the church was going to help him to be a better husband and a better father. Instead, it helped him hide things better.” ([16:37] Lorena)

The first red flag came one night when Peter inadvertently called Lorena "Crystal," a name she had never heard before.

“I was like what did you just call me? Who's Crystal?” ([16:52] Lorena)

Although Peter dismissed the slip by attributing it to sleep deprivation, Lorena began to sense that something was amiss.

Discovery of Betrayal

The turning point came during a church conference in 2015, where Lorena attended alongside her large family. Amidst the event, she came across information related to Ashley Madison, an online platform known for facilitating extramarital affairs. This prompted her to investigate her husband's online presence.

“Mrs. Duggar was talking about how you could go onto some website and look up people's email addresses. And something just clicked in me.” ([26:15] Lorena)

Lorena discovered that Peter had an Ashley Madison account and began to uncover a hidden side of his life, including excessive spending on sex toys and adult-themed purchases.

“Like, oh, my word, what is this? Adult baby bottles, adult bibs, adult onesies.” ([35:44] Lorena)

Further investigation revealed a pattern of deception, including financial mismanagement and interactions with multiple women under pseudonyms like "Princess Buttercup" and "Baby Bear."

“We found the real Ashley Madison account that he had. We found pictures of so many women in various states of undress.” ([37:59] Lorena)

Confrontation and Divorce

Armed with evidence, Lorena sought legal counsel to initiate divorce proceedings. Her eldest son assisted in gathering additional proof, including financial documents and digital communications, solidifying the case against Peter.

“He was working at several different universities as an adjunct professor. So he's making money there and he's hiding it.” ([40:20] Lorena)

In a decisive move, Lorena's son removed the family's firearms to ensure safety before confronting Peter. This confrontation led to Peter's immediate departure from the household.

“He sat up slowly, yawned and stretched big and said, okay. And my son said, please leave. And he said, okay. And he left.” ([41:14] Lorena)

Lorena formally filed for divorce, severing all communication with Peter and beginning the arduous process of rebuilding her life.

“I don't remember all the nonsense he tried to say, but what he did tell me was, what you are doing is far worse than anything I ever did. What I did, what I was doing was divorcing him. I just laughed. I was like, okay, and we're done.” ([41:58] Lorena)

Aftermath and Recovery

The aftermath of the divorce was both emotionally and financially taxing. Lorena faced the monumental task of explaining the situation to her eleven children, all while managing the responsibilities of a large family single-handedly.

“People do ask, how does a capable, intelligent person go from, hey, I'm a single mom and I'm killing it. I'm full-time mom. I'm full-time student, I'm full-time employee. How does someone go from that to, I'm not allowed to look at the financial statements of the house?” ([47:26] Lorena)

Therapy played a crucial role in Lorena's healing process, helping her recognize the spiritual and emotional abuse she endured through both the church and Peter's manipulative tactics.

“I'm now going, what else have I been told that's not right? This whole patriarchy thing. How is any of this at all biblical? What's real and what's not real?” ([44:01] Lorena)

Lorena's journey also involved distancing herself from the church's influence, reassessing her spirituality, and reclaiming her identity that had been eroded by years of control and deception.

“I look back and I can see Peter used that to keep me under control, to keep me where he wanted me and keep me behaving in the way he wanted.” ([45:25] Lorena)

Lessons and Conclusions

Lorena's story underscores the nuanced forms betrayal can take, particularly when intertwined with ideological indoctrination and manipulation. Her ability to recognize the deception, aided by her son's support and her own resilience, highlights the importance of self-awareness and the strength found in rebuilding one's life after profound betrayal.

“The reason I wanted to tell my story is so that others who are out there in a similar situation might have their eyes opened and go, wow. If she can do it with 11 kids, seven still at home, and with all the odds stacked against her, so can I.” ([48:31] Lorena)

Lorena emphasizes that betrayal and manipulation can happen to anyone, but with support and determination, recovery and empowerment are attainable.

“It is never too late to start over and find who you are. That's my hope.” ([48:31] Lorena)

Conclusion

Episode 14 of Betrayal: Weekly masterfully portrays Lorena's descent into deception and her subsequent journey towards healing. Through detailed narration and poignant quotes, listeners gain an intimate understanding of the challenges faced by individuals entangled in complex betrayals. Lorena's story serves as both a warning and an inspiration, illustrating the profound impact of trust and the resilience of the human spirit.

For those who have not listened to the episode, Lorena's experience offers valuable insights into the dynamics of control, the importance of financial and emotional independence, and the relentless pursuit of truth in the face of overwhelming odds.

Notable Quotes:

• “I really, really wanted the nuclear family. I really wanted, well, look, it's the mom and it's the dad and it's some kids.” — [04:34] Lorena

• “I can squeeze blood from a turnip. Okay, I can show you how.” — [25:13] Lorena

• “He made me feel seen and heard. He made me feel like I was the smart one.” — [09:03] Lorena

• “I find out that he lied to me. He's 35. I find his driver's license. 35, that's a lot of age difference.” — [06:37] Lorena

• “I think it was spiritual abuse.” — [44:42] Lorena

Final Thoughts

Lorena's narrative is a testament to the enduring human capacity to overcome betrayal and emerge stronger. Her willingness to share her story aims to empower others facing similar struggles, reminding them that it is never too late to reclaim their lives and identities.

For more stories like Lorena's, subscribe to Betrayal: Weekly on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, or your preferred podcast platform. Share your own experiences or reach out to the Betrayal Team at betrayalpodmail.com to be featured in future episodes.