Better Offline – CES 2026: Part Three (Tuesday)

Podcast: Better Offline by Cool Zone Media & iHeartPodcasts
Host: Ed Zitron
Featured Guests: Victoria Song (The Verge), Adam Conover (Factually), Rory Cellan-Jones (Movers & Shakers), Robert Evans (Behind the Bastards), Chloe Radcliffe, and more
Date: January 7, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode brings a candid and irreverent roundtable discussion from CES 2026, focusing on the often absurd, sometimes genuinely useful, and frequently overhyped world of new tech products. Ed Zitron and a rotating cast of journalists and comedians break down their experiences on the expo floor: from cursed health gadgets and overengineered AI companions to sex tech and the psychological pitfalls of wellness optimization. The group skewers the promises and realities of innovation, the prevalence of meaningless data, and the industry's habitual overreach—punctuated by sharp, hilarious commentary throughout.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

“Cursed Tech” and Wellness Wearables

[04:19–13:35]

Victoria Song describes her "curse technology" beat, which often means covering dubious wellness gadgets.
Trend at CES: health/wellness tech products centered on bodily fluids—"piss, semen, blood, urine"—as part of the wearable and longevity trend.
Discussion of wellness snake oil: “Wellness is bullshit, as we know...I get to have the lovely job of going, what bullshit are they gonna make me wear this year?” (Victoria, 05:01)

The Taint Zapper Saga (Product MOR)

Multi-year story about a device originally dubbed the “taint zapper,” designed to address premature ejaculation via mild electrical stimulation.
Now FDA-cleared after years of development and even animal testing. Noted as:
- Possibly genuinely useful (“Right now the Taint Zapper is the most functional product we've discussed on the show. I'm deadly serious.” – Ed, 12:38)
- Real differences between FDA "cleared", "approved", and "listed"
- “You can customize the zap pattern... strength level 1 to 100. I could feel it at 1, which makes me a unicorn.” (Victoria, 10:33)
Humor on naming: “That is one of the worst names...could have come up with.” (Ed on “More,” 13:51)
Gendered discomfort & stigma around male sexual health, and CES/press prudishness.

Press Conferences: Hype vs. Reality

[14:34–19:46]

Rory recounts his first CES and witnessing Steve Jobs unveil the first iPhone, underscoring how rare truly transformative tech moments are (“There was not the requisite level of cynical old hackery, but even I got carried away.” – Rory, 16:10).
He contrasts Apple’s storytelling mastery with most CES presentations, especially Nvidia's dull recent keynote: “It was a very bizarre...like two hours of a man clearly trying to feign excitement.” (Ed, 19:54).
“The great thing about the LEGO [press conference] was...the toy industry and the media industry...telling the tech industry, actually we know a bit about storytelling.” (Rory, 18:32)

The Age of Useless (and Occasionally Useful) AI

[20:32–33:41]

Adam seeks out non-AI products—notes a streak of tooth-related gadgets, including a toothbrush shaping to your teeth for “10-second” cleaning and a vibrating night guard that trains you not to grind your teeth.
Recalls childhood “shame alarms” for bedwetting; draws parallel to present-day tech as digital shame/correction tools.

Sex Tech and Prudish CES

Sex tech's fraught history at CES: From controversial withdrawals of awards for innovative sex devices to the half-hearted inclusion of sex tech pavilions and build-your-own-dildo kiosks (“...this is not robotics. And everyone was like, yeah, it's robotics. You're just prudes.” – Victoria, 25:53)
Discussion of "The Handy" and "Handy 2"—automatic masturbation devices—sparked debate on tech's attitude toward sexuality (“...best use cases for generative AI is sex stuff.” – Adam, 66:13).

The AI Assistant & Automation Dilemma

[28:29–33:42]

Adam describes an awkward demo of a fast food ordering AI—confused basic commands, net worse than talking to humans.
Reflection on the growing “machine world” of “no people” in service roles, and the isolation and alienation it could cause.
- “Is that a world you’d like to live in?” (Adam, 30:25)
- “That would suck. I'd feel alone in a way that...I quite like being solitary. But that would just be like...I'm going through tubes.” (Ed, 33:03)
Everyone reflects on the trade-offs of convenience, dehumanization, and the illusion of “choice” in automated future services.

Useless Data & Wellness Anxiety

[73:44–84:57]

Chloe debuts at CES and is struck by the “theme of numbers you don’t need”—smart pet crates that track the distance from your dog to the top of the crate, useless sleep pillows, and more.
- “All of these numbers...what they wind up filtering into is anxiety. Too much information leads to anxiety.” (Chloe, 77:12)
Victoria shares how her work testing wearables “overwhelms” her; she’s “completely over inundated.” (77:30)
Debate over whether “optimization” actually helps or just breeds neurosis.
- “The only point of these numbers is to build a long-term baseline. And when you’re off the baseline, you go like, oh, maybe something’s happening” (Victoria, 91:54)
- “Don’t you know when you’re off the baseline by ‘I’m having trouble sleeping lately’?” (Chloe, 92:05)

The Smart Pillow Prism

Chloe reviews a “smart pillow”:
- Inflates to stop snoring, turns off lights/music, texts your family you’re asleep (“Cassie, Oscar has been detected lying down,” 82:19)
- Everyone questions the value—and the privacy/human cost—of such tech.

Tech Hype, Disappointment, and the "Shrug Economy"

[136:58–139:18]

Adam describes the existential, cyclical letdown of CES, with “agentic” AI assistants in everything from toilets to chatbots to children's dolls that do almost nothing new but promise everything.
“There are two real cons with AI. There's the con of the consumer being told it will do this...and then there's for companies...‘if we put ChatGPT in this, it'll be smart’. No, motherfucker, it's not.” (Ed, 137:17)
Disney/OpenAI partnership discussed: “Nobody even knows why they're doing it...Disney is just not getting left out of a thing that’s maybe the future.” (Adam, 138:18)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

On cursed bodily-fluid tech (Victoria Song, 04:19):
“With my editors, you know, we're talking trend pieces right now, and they're like, Vee, what's your trend this year? And I was like, bodily fluids. We are talking piss, semen, blood, urine, bodily fluids.”
On the AI sex device (“Taint Zapper”) (Victoria Song, 07:54):
“The proposal was that to help men with premature ejaculation, it was gonna zap you—to, you know, delay orgasm.”
On misguided tech products (Chloe Radcliffe, 74:39):
“My biggest take, so far from being on the floor for a pretty limited amount of time, is that the theme is numbers that you don't need.”
On automation and dehumanization (Adam Conover, 30:25):
“Is that a world that you would like to live in?”
(on a life where every interaction is with a machine)
On AI’s marketing use (Robert Evans, 63:41):
“You're, the most specific example of the use of this technology in advertising is disinformation.”
(referring to flooding AI training data with specific brand claims)
On sleep tech’s cult of optimization (Victoria Song, 83:08):
“This whole beat of health tech...is just about having the most optimal something.”
On sex tech and shame (Adam Conover, 112:53):
“My pet peeve—when you say be consumed with shame, you're ashamed of your own sexuality...Why? Why?”
On the cyclicality and hollowness of CES (Adam Conover, 50:28):
“The thing I think about a lot is...the physical infrastructure is so bad, but everybody has cell phones...What you're talking about is, this AI will, like, push that distortion even further in the best case scenario...and everybody else will be like, how do I buy food?”

Highlighted Segments and Timestamps

Introduction of guests / setting the mood: [03:02–04:10]
Cursed health/wellness tech and the “Taint Zapper”: [04:19–13:35]
Rory's iPhone story & press conference culture: [15:41–19:46]
Absurdity of AI/automation and teeth gadgets: [20:32–24:02]
Sex tech’s place at CES & prude double standards: [24:20–26:44]
Automation & the choice/no-choice paradox: [28:29–33:41]
AI infiltration in finance: Intuit and liability gaps (Robert Evans): [39:07–43:04]
AI browsers and the problem with “agentic” consumer interfaces: [43:09–47:36]
Commercialization of AI (Allegra example, prompt injection): [63:38–64:05]
Smart pet and sleep gadgets—numbers, numbers, numbers: [73:44–84:57]
Cultural skepticism about science, wellness, and peptides: [93:00–103:15]
Sex tech, shame, and absurdity in “The Handy”: [107:22–117:03]
Tech industry delusion, hope, and the ‘shrug economy’: [120:15–139:18]

Thematic Takeaways

The Pursuit of the Pointless: CES is a showcase of innovation run amok, with more attention paid to what can be measured and “optimized” than to what is genuinely helpful or meaningful.
Data-Induced Anxiety: The constant quest for new metrics (in sleep, pet care, health, and sex) breeds more anxiety than clarity or health.
AI Hype vs. Reality: “Agentic” AI and automation regularly fall short; many demos are theater, and the business model for most remains a mystery—a world of “shrugging” and posturing.
Alienation by Convenience: As tech removes the need for human interaction, it risks eliminating the sense of community and basic satisfaction in daily life.
The Wellness Industrial Complex: The drive toward ultimate “self-optimization” pushes people toward dubious products and dangerous biohacking, while often missing the point: many problems can’t or shouldn’t be solved by tech alone.
Sex Tech as a Mirror: The show’s prudishness and fascination with sex gadgets both reveal societal discomfort and that genuine needs frequently go underserved.

Episode Mood and Tone

Deeply irreverent, skeptical, and often hilarious—this episode skewers both the tech elite’s excess and the everyday consumer’s complicity. The hosts and guests balance industry expertise with dry, profane wit, making their critiques feel both cathartic and grounded.

Final Thoughts:
If you want to know what CES is like when you strip away the sizzle reels and marketing gloss, this episode is essential listening: both a scathing critique and a weird love letter to the absurd, overreaching, and occasionally wonderful world of the Consumer Electronics Show.

For full coverage, subscribe to Better Offline and follow Ed Zitron’s newsletter.

Better Offline – CES 2026: Part Three (Tuesday)

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

“Cursed Tech” and Wellness Wearables

[04:19–13:35]

Victoria Song describes her "curse technology" beat, which often means covering dubious wellness gadgets.
Trend at CES: health/wellness tech products centered on bodily fluids—"piss, semen, blood, urine"—as part of the wearable and longevity trend.
Discussion of wellness snake oil: “Wellness is bullshit, as we know...I get to have the lovely job of going, what bullshit are they gonna make me wear this year?” (Victoria, 05:01)

The Taint Zapper Saga (Product MOR)

Multi-year story about a device originally dubbed the “taint zapper,” designed to address premature ejaculation via mild electrical stimulation.
Now FDA-cleared after years of development and even animal testing. Noted as:
- Possibly genuinely useful (“Right now the Taint Zapper is the most functional product we've discussed on the show. I'm deadly serious.” – Ed, 12:38)
- Real differences between FDA "cleared", "approved", and "listed"
- “You can customize the zap pattern... strength level 1 to 100. I could feel it at 1, which makes me a unicorn.” (Victoria, 10:33)
Humor on naming: “That is one of the worst names...could have come up with.” (Ed on “More,” 13:51)
Gendered discomfort & stigma around male sexual health, and CES/press prudishness.

Press Conferences: Hype vs. Reality

[14:34–19:46]

Rory recounts his first CES and witnessing Steve Jobs unveil the first iPhone, underscoring how rare truly transformative tech moments are (“There was not the requisite level of cynical old hackery, but even I got carried away.” – Rory, 16:10).
He contrasts Apple’s storytelling mastery with most CES presentations, especially Nvidia's dull recent keynote: “It was a very bizarre...like two hours of a man clearly trying to feign excitement.” (Ed, 19:54).
“The great thing about the LEGO [press conference] was...the toy industry and the media industry...telling the tech industry, actually we know a bit about storytelling.” (Rory, 18:32)

The Age of Useless (and Occasionally Useful) AI

[20:32–33:41]

Adam seeks out non-AI products—notes a streak of tooth-related gadgets, including a toothbrush shaping to your teeth for “10-second” cleaning and a vibrating night guard that trains you not to grind your teeth.
Recalls childhood “shame alarms” for bedwetting; draws parallel to present-day tech as digital shame/correction tools.

Sex Tech and Prudish CES

Sex tech's fraught history at CES: From controversial withdrawals of awards for innovative sex devices to the half-hearted inclusion of sex tech pavilions and build-your-own-dildo kiosks (“...this is not robotics. And everyone was like, yeah, it's robotics. You're just prudes.” – Victoria, 25:53)
Discussion of "The Handy" and "Handy 2"—automatic masturbation devices—sparked debate on tech's attitude toward sexuality (“...best use cases for generative AI is sex stuff.” – Adam, 66:13).

The AI Assistant & Automation Dilemma

[28:29–33:42]

Adam describes an awkward demo of a fast food ordering AI—confused basic commands, net worse than talking to humans.
Reflection on the growing “machine world” of “no people” in service roles, and the isolation and alienation it could cause.
- “Is that a world you’d like to live in?” (Adam, 30:25)
- “That would suck. I'd feel alone in a way that...I quite like being solitary. But that would just be like...I'm going through tubes.” (Ed, 33:03)
Everyone reflects on the trade-offs of convenience, dehumanization, and the illusion of “choice” in automated future services.

Useless Data & Wellness Anxiety

[73:44–84:57]

Chloe debuts at CES and is struck by the “theme of numbers you don’t need”—smart pet crates that track the distance from your dog to the top of the crate, useless sleep pillows, and more.
- “All of these numbers...what they wind up filtering into is anxiety. Too much information leads to anxiety.” (Chloe, 77:12)
Victoria shares how her work testing wearables “overwhelms” her; she’s “completely over inundated.” (77:30)
Debate over whether “optimization” actually helps or just breeds neurosis.
- “The only point of these numbers is to build a long-term baseline. And when you’re off the baseline, you go like, oh, maybe something’s happening” (Victoria, 91:54)
- “Don’t you know when you’re off the baseline by ‘I’m having trouble sleeping lately’?” (Chloe, 92:05)

The Smart Pillow Prism

Chloe reviews a “smart pillow”:
- Inflates to stop snoring, turns off lights/music, texts your family you’re asleep (“Cassie, Oscar has been detected lying down,” 82:19)
- Everyone questions the value—and the privacy/human cost—of such tech.

Tech Hype, Disappointment, and the "Shrug Economy"

[136:58–139:18]

Adam describes the existential, cyclical letdown of CES, with “agentic” AI assistants in everything from toilets to chatbots to children's dolls that do almost nothing new but promise everything.
“There are two real cons with AI. There's the con of the consumer being told it will do this...and then there's for companies...‘if we put ChatGPT in this, it'll be smart’. No, motherfucker, it's not.” (Ed, 137:17)
Disney/OpenAI partnership discussed: “Nobody even knows why they're doing it...Disney is just not getting left out of a thing that’s maybe the future.” (Adam, 138:18)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

On cursed bodily-fluid tech (Victoria Song, 04:19):
“With my editors, you know, we're talking trend pieces right now, and they're like, Vee, what's your trend this year? And I was like, bodily fluids. We are talking piss, semen, blood, urine, bodily fluids.”
On the AI sex device (“Taint Zapper”) (Victoria Song, 07:54):
“The proposal was that to help men with premature ejaculation, it was gonna zap you—to, you know, delay orgasm.”
On misguided tech products (Chloe Radcliffe, 74:39):
“My biggest take, so far from being on the floor for a pretty limited amount of time, is that the theme is numbers that you don't need.”
On automation and dehumanization (Adam Conover, 30:25):
“Is that a world that you would like to live in?”
(on a life where every interaction is with a machine)
On AI’s marketing use (Robert Evans, 63:41):
“You're, the most specific example of the use of this technology in advertising is disinformation.”
(referring to flooding AI training data with specific brand claims)
On sleep tech’s cult of optimization (Victoria Song, 83:08):
“This whole beat of health tech...is just about having the most optimal something.”
On sex tech and shame (Adam Conover, 112:53):
“My pet peeve—when you say be consumed with shame, you're ashamed of your own sexuality...Why? Why?”
On the cyclicality and hollowness of CES (Adam Conover, 50:28):
“The thing I think about a lot is...the physical infrastructure is so bad, but everybody has cell phones...What you're talking about is, this AI will, like, push that distortion even further in the best case scenario...and everybody else will be like, how do I buy food?”

Highlighted Segments and Timestamps

Introduction of guests / setting the mood: [03:02–04:10]
Cursed health/wellness tech and the “Taint Zapper”: [04:19–13:35]
Rory's iPhone story & press conference culture: [15:41–19:46]
Absurdity of AI/automation and teeth gadgets: [20:32–24:02]
Sex tech’s place at CES & prude double standards: [24:20–26:44]
Automation & the choice/no-choice paradox: [28:29–33:41]
AI infiltration in finance: Intuit and liability gaps (Robert Evans): [39:07–43:04]
AI browsers and the problem with “agentic” consumer interfaces: [43:09–47:36]
Commercialization of AI (Allegra example, prompt injection): [63:38–64:05]
Smart pet and sleep gadgets—numbers, numbers, numbers: [73:44–84:57]
Cultural skepticism about science, wellness, and peptides: [93:00–103:15]
Sex tech, shame, and absurdity in “The Handy”: [107:22–117:03]
Tech industry delusion, hope, and the ‘shrug economy’: [120:15–139:18]

Thematic Takeaways

The Pursuit of the Pointless: CES is a showcase of innovation run amok, with more attention paid to what can be measured and “optimized” than to what is genuinely helpful or meaningful.
Data-Induced Anxiety: The constant quest for new metrics (in sleep, pet care, health, and sex) breeds more anxiety than clarity or health.
AI Hype vs. Reality: “Agentic” AI and automation regularly fall short; many demos are theater, and the business model for most remains a mystery—a world of “shrugging” and posturing.
Alienation by Convenience: As tech removes the need for human interaction, it risks eliminating the sense of community and basic satisfaction in daily life.
The Wellness Industrial Complex: The drive toward ultimate “self-optimization” pushes people toward dubious products and dangerous biohacking, while often missing the point: many problems can’t or shouldn’t be solved by tech alone.
Sex Tech as a Mirror: The show’s prudishness and fascination with sex gadgets both reveal societal discomfort and that genuine needs frequently go underserved.

Episode Mood and Tone

For full coverage, subscribe to Better Offline and follow Ed Zitron’s newsletter.

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CES 2026: Part Three (Tuesday)

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Summary

Better Offline – CES 2026: Part Three (Tuesday)

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

“Cursed Tech” and Wellness Wearables

The Taint Zapper Saga (Product MOR)

Press Conferences: Hype vs. Reality

The Age of Useless (and Occasionally Useful) AI

Sex Tech and Prudish CES

The AI Assistant & Automation Dilemma

Useless Data & Wellness Anxiety

The Smart Pillow Prism

Tech Hype, Disappointment, and the "Shrug Economy"

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

Highlighted Segments and Timestamps

Thematic Takeaways

Episode Mood and Tone

Summary

Better Offline – CES 2026: Part Three (Tuesday)

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

“Cursed Tech” and Wellness Wearables

The Taint Zapper Saga (Product MOR)

Press Conferences: Hype vs. Reality

The Age of Useless (and Occasionally Useful) AI

Sex Tech and Prudish CES

The AI Assistant & Automation Dilemma

Useless Data & Wellness Anxiety

The Smart Pillow Prism

Tech Hype, Disappointment, and the "Shrug Economy"

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

Highlighted Segments and Timestamps

Thematic Takeaways

Episode Mood and Tone