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- [00:00]
Zitron
You're listening to an iHeart podcast.
- [00:05]
Colgate Advertiser
Colgate Total may make your favorite toothpaste, but it's also a science innovator committed to oral health. For instance, the Colgate Total Active Prevention System with a cutting edge toothbrush, refreshing antibacterial mouthwash and a reformulated toothpaste. With a technology so innovative it won the 2024 Edison Patent Award, the Colgate Total Active prevention system is 15 times more effective at reducing bacteria buildup to fight the root cause of oral health problem in six weeks starting from week one compared to a non antibacterial fluoride toothpaste and flat trim toothbrush. Talk about science. Get the Colgate Total Active Prevention System today so you can be dentist ready. Shop now by visiting shop.colgate.com totalzone media.
- [00:55]
Zitron
Hello and welcome to this week's Better Offline Monologue. I'm your host at Zitron. I could not for the life of me work out what I wanted to talk about for this week's monologue. I am a little burned out and Robert and Sophie are telling me I should take a break sometime and I will at some point everyone, I promise. But I was sitting and thinking last night about what I was gonna do today and I ended up sketching out some thoughts and I realized that this show genuinely helped me turn my life around. A little dramatic, but I but better Offline really truly helped me leave a very dark I was in in April 2024. I would argue it on some degree saved my life and I will tell you how today it's a monologue. You already had a great interview with Karen Hile. This week I'm going to give you a little schmaltz, a little bit of who I really am. And I worry this is ferociously self involved or pretentious, but at least it's from the heart, right? So back when I started the Show in early 2024, I was really lost as a person, but also as someone who would call themselves a creative. I'd agreed to do the show and knew I was capable of pushing out. My personal life had become, let's just say, very bad. I was in a bad situation. I was overweight, I was unhappy. Therapy was kind of grinding at me. It didn't feel like it was changing anything because I was kind of in a depressive state where I didn't want to talk to anyone, which is why I wouldn't talk to my friends at all. And I had this fucking podcast I had to do that. I love the idea of, but I lacked confidence. I lacked the piss and vinegar, you know me for today. And one day, as I struggled to work out what the fuck I was doing that week, I sat down to write the script for an episode about Shein, which is a Chinese clothing giant that grew its brand entirely online. And it was coming up on my birthday, April 25th. And it's a day I really enjoy. So I was pushing myself to do something, anything, to get this episode off my plate and move on to planning the day, which was a few weeks out that would end up being dogshit like it always was. And I was bored. I didn't care about Shein. I didn't care what I was doing. I didn't think you would either. And I sat there thinking about whether or not I could realistically do better offline anymore, or my newsletter, or really any of this crap. And what can I say? My birthday kind of sucks. And it always kind of led me to a weird slump. But I was in one that day anyway. I was really not in a great place. And if I'm honest, I was kind of spiraling. So I closed this Google Doc and I sat teary eyed, staring at the ceiling. Babu, my cat was on top of me, kind of. I was sat at this table and he shoved himself kind of on top of my knees, which he does when he knows I'm hurting, which is lovely. And I sat there thinking about things and I was drafting in my head something about not doing the newsletter anymore and wondering how the fuck I was going to do 40 or so more episodes. I was really quite worried. And this was really largely due to my personal life. I'm three minutes into this and I've just rambled about myself. But you know what? That's what the monologue's for. And I looked at the time and I realized I'd only written 800 words in two hours. And I felt very bad about myself. I thought, I don't care about Shein. And so I went to look at Google to see if I could find something, anything about the tech industry that would be more interesting to write about. And I saw immediately something that pissed me off. A site called Techgate that had ripped off a story from another site and they'd entirely ripped it off. They'd copy pasted the entire thing, if not automate the entire thing. I was irate. Not just because I was looking for something and this was making my life harder, but because Google was making money off of this. And in that moment I realized that I needed to find out who did this? I need to find the rat fuck that made this happen. I remembered a name I had kind of touched upon in a previous newsletter that I'd only just drafted, Prabhagar Raghavan. And I realized I've said Prabhagar Raghavan over a hundred times on this show, but I really didn't know who he was at the time. So I sat. My eyes were red and puffy and felt just like doom in every fiber of my being, wondering how I'd tell Robert and Sophie that I needed a break weeks into the show. And I immediately discovered the story of the biggest shithead I've run into in tech, the man that Destroyed Google Search. I discovered a man that had done unfathomable damage to the Internet, and I kind of got a template for how bastards have ripped apart the tech industry in search of growth. It was, and it remains the moment, that the growth at all cost rot economy actually made sense to me. Now, as you probably realized, I take a lot of my newsletter work and put it into the podcast. But the man that Destroyed Google Search was the first time I've ever taken a script and made it into a newsletter. And this fundamentally changed how I write, because up until literally that episode, my spoken voice and my written voice were different. I wrote in a probably a more ballsy way than I talk. I was deeply unconfident with my voice. You can probably hear it in the first few episodes as well. You could tell. And this episode was very cathartic. It was also the first moment I'd really felt proud of anything I'd worked on, which is an insane statement given the amount I've written and produced before. Then I realized in this moment, too, that I'd been treating myself without much dignity or respect, and that things in my life had to change. The man that Destroyed Google Search was my first real breakthrough piece and made me rethink how he looked at the world, in part because it showed me the scale at which one man's selfishness can wreak such havoc. Maybe it's a little much to put this much meaning on a fucking podcast episode, but these monologues are where I get to have my fun and be a little much. Something that I used to hate about myself, but at the very least, have turned into a good career. Nevertheless, this breakthrough also pushed me to many other breakthroughs in my life and allowed me to fully emerge from a shell I'd been in since birth. Had I not chased down Prabhagar Ragavan, I have no idea How I'd complete the first season of Better Offline, let alone reach the third, which I'm on right now. And the fact I won an award from this is completely insane. I don't even know how to express how happy it makes me. And I have a weird thing with being excited or being happy. You're really gonna. You're learning a lot about me today. Possibly too much. But look, I've never felt understood by the world. And when I've looked upon the world through my own eyes, I've struggled to understand it myself. But in the last year of my work, I've found myself. I've found myself doing this show. My voice, my personality, my vigor, my anger, my fury, my love, my passion. All through trying to understand what the fuck is going on with the computer. It all sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud, but I think you like it. And my lack of confidence, even if, as I say this now, it's because I've never been good at appearances. I've never been good at fitting in. And it took until 2024 for me to truly speak with confidence and took me until like 2025 for me to even like how I looked or who I was as a person. I've never been good at pretending. I've never been able to fit into the little corporate management squares you're meant to. Other than my ability to be pleasant and conciliatory, I can't deal with someone lying to me, which includes, but isn't limited to, people that bullshit me because they've decided that I'm stupid. I've never felt peer pressure because I've never felt popular, cool, or important, nor do I feel smart. I do this show because I have to, as doing it has brought me some degree of salvation at times when I felt truly lost, brought me closer to people that I love and respect, and allowed me to process the complex emotions I experienced reading about and understand this stuff, and really understanding my childhood, which was largely based growing up online. I didn't have friends. I didn't really have things to do other than being online. And it made me who I am, but also made me kind of reflect on things each year as I saw the Internet begin to crumble. But I really love doing this show, and I have no idea if this monologue is going to be something you care for. But I want you to know why I'm doing it. I want you to know who I am and what I am, because this show has allowed me to express myself in a way that I'VE never allowed myself to and as a result has allowed me to become who I am and took me off a path that was equal parts dark and hopeless. Now I get to do a podcast where I call Tech CEO scumbags pigs and shitheads living the dream. And I am, albeit depressingly recently extremely happy with my life because of the work I get to do and the people it's led me to, and to the friendships I already have that have deepened as a result. And hearing from all of you is wonderful too. I'm so lucky to be able to do this, but also that so many of you reach out with kind words, with funny things that you found, or just stories that pissed you off too. It's genuinely magical. Whatever the size of this community is really grateful for it. I'm grateful that I get to do this and I great grateful that I get to do these like 5 to 10 minute long monologues where I just share how I feel at random. So yeah, that's been this week's monologue. Next week we have a really fun interview with Giant Bomb coming up as well. Just. Just did that. The show fucking rocks. Thank you for listening.
- [09:43]
Colgate Advertiser
Colgate Total may make your favorite toothpaste, but it's also a science innovator committed to oral health. For instance, the Colgate Total Active Prevention System with a cutting edge toothbrush, refreshing antibacterial mouthwash and a reformulated toothpaste. With a technology so innovative it won the 2024 Edison Patent Award. The Colgate Total Active Prevention System 15 times more effective at reducing bacteria buildup to fight the root cause of oral health problems in six weeks starting from week one. Compared to a non antibacterial fluoride toothpaste and flat trimmed toothbrush. Talk about science. Get the Colgate Total Active Prevention System today so you can be dentist ready. Shop now by visiting shop.colgate.com total.
- [10:28]
Max Chafton
A.
- [10:29]
Stacey Vanek Smith
Lot of times big economic forces show up in our lives in small ways.
- [10:33]
Zitron
Four days a week I would buy.
- [10:35]
Max Chafton
Two cups of banana pudding, but the.
- [10:37]
Zitron
Price has gone up. So now I only buy one.
- [10:40]
Max Chafton
Small but important ways from tech billionaires to the bond market to yeah, banana pudding. If it's happening in business, our new podcast is on it. I'm Max Chafton.
- [10:50]
Stacey Vanek Smith
And I'm Stacey Vanek Smith. So listen to everybody's business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [10:58]
Max Chafton
I found out that was related to.
- [11:00]
Zitron
The guy that I was dating. I don't feel emotions correctly. I collect my roommates, toenails and fingernails.
- [11:06]
Max Chafton
Those were some callers from my call in PODC Podcast Therapy Gecko. It's a show where I take phone calls from anonymous strangers as a fake gecko therapist and try to learn a little bit about their lives. I know that's a weird concept, but I promise it's very interesting. Check it out for yourself by searching for Therapy gecko on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [11:31]
Stacey Vanek Smith
Hi, I'm Kristen Davis, host of the podcast Are youe a Charlotte? Sarah Jessica Parker is here and she is sharing stories from the very begin like the time she forgot we filmed the pilot episode. I remember some things about shooting the pilot. Right. I have some memories I can feel. And then you're going to fill me in. Yes, but then you forgot about it in the very long time they took about it. Listen to Are you a Charlotte? On the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [12:01]
Zitron
You're listening to an iHeart podcast.