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BFFR with Sydney Leroux & Ali Riley
Eli Rallo’s NYT Bestseller, Quarter-Life Crisis Survival Guide & Wedding Plus-One Truth Bomb
00:55:03
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- [00:00]
Eli Rallo
Three minutes before they FaceTimed me. I sent the edits to them and my new. My new editor for the book. And then they started to FaceTime me, and I was, like, so caught off guard that, like, even though I told them only FaceTime me if I got the best seller list, like, when I saw the FaceTime, I wasn't like, I got the best seller list. I was like, oh, my God, did I get it? Or like, I don't even know. And I answered it and I was like, hello? And they were like, hi. I was like, hi. And I was like, wait, like, did I get it or not?
- [00:31]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Hello? What? What's up, everyone? Welcome back to another episode of BFFR. Make sure you're following @BFFR. Show on all socials and hit that subscribe button on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, wherever you get your podcasts. All right, I'm so excited for today's guest. You've definitely seen her on TikTok. She's built a community of over a million followers. She keeps it real about growing up, dating, friendship, breakups, all of it. She's an author, creator, and honestly the Internet's big sister voice for anyone trying to figure out adulthood, whether it is a quarter life or third life crisis. Please welcome Eli Rallo. Let's be honest, the holidays are amazing, but they definitely throw off my routine. Between the travel, the food, the the dessert, lots of dessert. I'm not exactly crushing my whole balanced diet thing right now, so having rituals essential for women 18 + in my daily lineup gives me some peace of mind. It's got nine key nutrients and just two delayed release capsules. It's such an easy way to keep my body in check, especially when my meals are more stuffing and less spinach. I started taking ritual a while back because I wanted something simple, trustworthy, clean, no shady ingredients. And it doesn't upset my stomach at all. I take mine first thing in the morning and I'm good to go. And honestly, I love that minty essence. It makes it really nice. Now's the time to try it. Rituals Black Friday sale is officially here. Instead of striving for perfect health, aim for supporting foundational health. BFFR listeners get early access to their Black Friday sale for 40% off your first month at ritual.comBFFR that's ritual.comBFFR for 40% off your first month. Don't miss out on their best sale of the season. Oh, my gosh, Eli, thank you so much for being on the BFFR show.
- [02:43]
Eli Rallo
Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.
- [02:45]
Host of BFFR Podcast
I'm so excited because, well, you're such a girls girl and obviously we love that. And you share so much of your life that it feels like I know you. I'm sure you get that all the time. And it is so special to actually get a chance to speak with you, particularly about your New York Times bestseller.
- [03:08]
Eli Rallo
Ah, it's so exciting. It's been such a crazy couple of weeks. Like, I can't even believe that any of it's real.
- [03:15]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Oh, my gosh. Well, does anyone else Feel this Way Is your second book. How did you feel releasing it into the world? And you did record your reaction when you. I like how you were like, text me if it doesn't make the list. Facetime me if it does. So you had an inkling when it was a FaceTime, but sharing that moment, it was still like, a very vulnerable moment. Like, yeah, if.
- [03:39]
Eli Rallo
Oh, yeah, it was crazy. It was crazy. I. So the first time I asked them to call me if I didn't and FaceTime me if I did. And honestly, that, like, just sucked. I don't know why I told them to do that. And a lot of authors, like, opt for that because I guess, like, you still want to talk to your team either way. And for people who don't understand basically how this works, the publishing houses get the New York Times bestseller list three to two hours before it's published on the website.
- [04:09]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Okay.
- [04:10]
Eli Rallo
So once it's done at around, like, between, like, it's really, like 3 to 6pm Eastern, they send it to, like, Simon and Schuster, HarperCollins, like, all of the publishing houses. So they get access to it early. So that's why, like, it wasn't on the website yet. But I was, like, finding out because they got access to it. So I knew that they were going to find out at some point, like, between those hours. Yeah. And so I asked them to text me because I was like, I just, like, feel like I just don't want to do the call because, like, the first time I did the call because I didn't get on it, and I was like, it's just like, damn. Like, I'm upset now and I just kind of want to, like, take the hit and then move on. I don't want to, like, have a conversation about it. And so with this, I was like, just FaceTime me. But, like, I was so. I had convinced myself out of it. Like, I was just like, this is not gonna happen. And I even text. I was texting with, like, my best friend right before, like, literally two minutes before they FaceTimed me. And I was like, I'm 90% sure it's not happening. And I had, like, actually, like, made peace with that. So, like, I was really expecting a text. And I had also put them on Do Not Disturb. So I was like, I'm just gonna go about my night. But I had. I was on my laptop actually working on my third book, and so I was like, if they FaceTime me, it'll pop up on my laptop. I'll be able to video it on my phone. If they don't FaceTime me, I'm just. The next time I check my text, it's like, I'll just see the text. That was kind of, like, my plan. And I was like, I'm just gonna keep working. So I was, like, working three minutes before they FaceTimed me, I sent the edits to them and my new. My new editor for the book, I was like, oh, I just finished this round of edits on the book, sent it, and then texted my friend that. And then they started to FaceTime me, and I was, like, so caught off guard that, like, even though I told them only FaceTime if I got the bestseller list, like, I can't explain that. Like, I didn't. Like, when I saw the FaceTime, I wasn't like, I got the best seller list. I was like, oh, my God, did I get it? Or, like, I don't even know. And I answered it, and I was like, hello? And they were like, hi. I was like, hi. And I was like, wait. Like, did I get it or not? It was, like, this moment of, like, pure shock. And it was so funny because they screen recorded it. My agents on their end, and you can see other members of my team texting them, being like, call us up to your doctor. Like, Patrick said, we want to talk to her. And it was so funny. I'm like, oh, my God, they're texting. Like, they texted everyone before they called me, being like, she got a list. We're about to call her. So obviously, though, they called me, like, right after that. So the texts. It's so cute. Like, on their end, are rolling in from, like, my publicist, my assistant, and, like, my social media team, since they're, like, my literary team. So it's just, like, a really special moment for the whole team. Like, I have such a. My team is like family to me. And I know, like, everyone says that, but it always. It hasn't always been that way. Like, it took me a while to find people that, like, I really feel like are in it. Like, are actually on my team. Not just, like, on my team, like, oh, they're on the payroll, but, like, are really on my side. So it was such a group win. It really felt like a group win. Like, we were all celebrating, and I love them all, and I was just so excited.
- [07:12]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Well, you also shared that there's so much of what you say and what you put out there that I can relate to. And after Does Anyone Else Feel this Way reach the bestseller list, you also posted how, like, people didn't believe in you and thought that you had been given advantages. And it was like, obviously you didn't write it to just prove people wrong because you had stories to share. But it also clearly must have felt really good. And now you are writing a third book.
- [07:43]
Eli Rallo
I think. I think when people don't believe in me, it's just fuel for me. Like, it definitely, like, is a knock to the confidence. Like, I get this comment all the time. Like, she only ever got a book deal because of her platform. And that's definitely, like, partially true. Like, my platform is the reason why I was able to get my first book deal. But your platform is, like, also, like, I built that. So. Yeah. And then also, it's like, my first book sold 50,000 copies that, like, most books sell 2,000 in their whole lifetime before they stop getting printed. My second book is a New York Times bestseller. USA Today bestseller, Publisher's Weekly bestseller. Like, I don't. Like, I don't know what to tell you, though. Like, because a platform just doesn't give you those things. Like.
- [08:30]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Right.
- [08:30]
Eli Rallo
And then also the other thing that I get often, and it's just so frustrating as a woman to. To hear stuff like this, that, like, my dad bought me my book deal or that he had connections in publishing. And the thing is, like, I've always been open that I'm a privileged person. Like, not only am I a white woman, but I grew up privileged. Like, my parents had money, and that sets you ahead. And that's something that I've never denied. But also what's so frustrating is, like, if my dad called up a publisher to help me get a book deal, I would be transparent about that. I wouldn't have gone to grad school. I would have been writing books far earlier. Yeah. But also, they're, like, proof of that is that my dad self published a coffee table book about Italy to sell as merch at his restaurants, which is cool. Like, but anybody can do that. That's not getting a book deal. That's like, if you and I right now decided that we're having a great conversation, let's write a coffee table book, we could pay someone to publish it for us and it would be on Amazon and we could get a bunch of copies and then we could sell them. Like anybody can do that. Which is amazing by the way. Self publishing is super dope. But like the fact that you're taking like a tidbit, a thing that my dad did 12 years ago and trying to leverage it as a reason as to why I was able to reach success is disheartening. And I feel like wouldn't be a thing if I wasn't a woman. And I hate to bring it back to that because it feels like such like a cheap, I don't know thing to say, but it really does frustrate me so much. So to be able to win when like, that's the kind of shit that I'm reading about myself all the time. It does feel good. I hate to say that it does feel good because like I'm able to also be, you know, vindicated when I'm not like having an external validation to win. Like, I've made peace with the fact that some people are going to believe a made up thing about me, but the people that don't are the people that matter. But it does. It is frustrating. So. It is. It did feel good because also, like, it's been something that I've been really working toward my whole life. And the last few years, especially not getting on it the first time, I think like, only fueled me more and they were all. The first time, like, she'll never write another book. And it's like the second one was happening before the first one came out. The third one was happening before the second one came out. Like, you cannot stop me.
- [10:46]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah, exactly, exactly. I mean the Internet, it obviously gave you a platform and you've been able to be yourself and people love you and do these amazing things. But it's just funny how it always has that balance as athletes. It's the same, right? It people know about what we're doing and we get the support and connect with people. But you make a mistake or you do something or you wear something or whatever, you can just. The trolls will always find you.
- [11:18]
Eli Rallo
They have a way to find you, always find you. And they're kind of obsessed. Like, I just don't really have like time like that. Yeah. And then like, even when I see something that's like, I'm kind of like about on the Internet. My first like, gut reaction is not to like, start like spinning a story about that person. Start, like going on a separate apps. Now I'm on a discord chat talking about that person, like, never. It does feel kind of like loser behavior. And the Cut wrote a really interesting article about it. They interviewed a bunch of people who are like, obsessed with like trolling on the Internet on female influencers. Really? And all of them. Yeah, and all of them were like, yeah, my friends don't know that I'm like obsessed with influencer Reddit because they just like, they're not interested in that kind of stuff. And I'm like, no, they don't know because it's literally so embarrassing to do that. They don't know because they would be like, why are you doing that with your time? And they're like, they just aren't like into it. Like I am. And I'm like, really? Because if my friends aren't into something like I am, I usually tell them about it and they still think it's cool. Like I have. My best friend is obsessed with the wnba. She talks about it nonstop. I still listen because we're best friends. Like if there's something that you're obsessed with, like as a friend, the friend is supposed to like be interested and involved, even if they're not obsessed with it too. So it's like you're just basically admitting that it's embarrassing.
- [12:44]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yes. You said it. You said it perfectly. That is loser behavior. And you know that that's why you're not telling your friends about it.
- [12:52]
Eli Rallo
Yeah.
- [12:54]
Host of BFFR Podcast
So for anyone who might. Well, who lives under a rock or who isn't on Eli Talk, can you explain the viral video that started it all and also how your relationship with the Internet maybe has changed since going viral?
- [13:08]
Eli Rallo
Sure. So it was 20, 20 was five years ago, which is like so crazy. Almost six. I was at home for the pandemic. I was a senior in college quarantining with my family. And I growing up had this like trail mix jar in my parents house, this big jar. And we would just like fill it with nuts and like chips and cookies and like whatever and like you would just like take a scoop of it. And it was kind of like a thing with my friends and whatever, like this jar that my parents had. And so like one random night my brothers and I were like bored during the pandemic and so we like went to refill it. And at the time I'd been making a lot of tiktoks on friends only. For like my college friends, my high school friends, like, I wasn't seeing because of like quarantine. So I went to post it on friends only to like do that so that they could see it. And I accidentally put it on public and it was just like a video of us like filling this jar like with stuff. And honestly, like overnight it had like a hundred k views. Like wasn't. It was a lot, but it wasn't that much. And then for some reason, like I can't even remember like why I took all the steps I did with this. But like, obviously it worked out. I like made an explainer video and it was just very much so like me centric. Like I did the green screen, which I now do all the time. I was talking really fast, which I do talk fast, but I talk even faster on the Internet because like, it really baits people. People like fast talking on the Internet. And I was being myself and theatrical and kind of like exploring, explaining what the thing was. And that video got a million views. I was like, what the heck? So basically like within the first three months of doing it, I had like 100K. And at first it was just like we'd make jar videos, but I would also make other videos too, like just whatever I wanted. I went to grad school. I kept tick tocking, but I never once was like, oh, this is a job. But as also because like these days if you have like 100k on TikTok, you could make money from it. But back then it was before there was like management. It was still coming off of like the musical ly thing. I went to grad school. I even got a job after grad school. I was like, I'm not doing this for a job. So I think the first way that my relationship with Internet changed was like accepting it as a career and like learning how I can make money from it. Which I think a lot of people assume like followers equals money automatically, but it doesn't. Like, there's a lot of strategy that's involved in like actually making a business out of the brand that you build. So that was the first way that it changed from like strictly a hobby to more of like, oh, this is like my life livelihood. But now I think it's changed in that I just like been better about boundary setting on the Internet. I. I just feel like at first, like I was also really young. Like when I first went Viral, I was 21. So I'm 27 now. And so I think like the first few years I was like, really over sharing, I was like, really just like kind of putting it all out there. And I definitely do still overshare, but I found a comfort level with like the Internet. And I also just try like I've gotten into periods of time where I think I like forget that like the Internet is not the real world. And it's something that it's like, it's really hard to explain to someone who doesn't have to be plugged into their phone all the time.
- [16:24]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah.
- [16:24]
Eli Rallo
So I try to just like take my boundaries with it and remember that like if it went away, like I still have a life.
- [16:30]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah.
- [16:30]
Eli Rallo
That I love and I'm like happy with. So yeah, it changed. My, My relationship with the Internet has ebbed and flowed a ton throughout the last few years.
- [16:41]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Well, you have what I think is the ultimate compliment, being called Gen Z's Carrie Bradshaw. Do you resonate with that title?
- [16:52]
Eli Rallo
I mean, I think like I've never self taught titled like the whole like Internet big sister thing. Internet Carrie Bradshaw, Gen Z. Like I appreciate all of it and I love that I can resonate with people in ways that like they liken me to things that they love or things that they feel nurtured or cared for by. Like, that is so meaningful to me. But I've never like self titled because I'm like, I don't know, I'm not going to do that. But I would say the Carrie Bradshaw thing, like I'm a big defender of hers. I don't think she's perfect, but nobody is. I think the people that I always say, if you're going to criticize Carrie Broadshaw, I hope you have a Nobel Peace Prize because like nobody is above, like nobody is above going back to an ex or occasionally being a shitty friend or like being obsessed with love. I don't know. Like, yeah, sometimes she is a bad person. Aren't you? And that's not to say I feel like I'm a bad person all the time. But like people make mistakes. I don't know. And yeah, people can be selfish. But also to say, I always say that. I think like I. There are things I seem to in her for sure that I also seen myself. I feel like she. I feel like I'm a better friend than her and I have worse shoes. But I still am working on the collection. But I, I've gotten to talk to Sarah Jessica Parker about it actually because we met and she knew kind of like the vibes.
- [18:07]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Oh.
- [18:07]
Eli Rallo
And she was just so nice and told me I was like doing a Great job. And, like, she was just so sweet to me. So I feel like. I feel like I look up to her more because she's, like, she loves Broadway and she loves books, and she has her whole, like, reading thing, and she's been, like, a business owner. Like, she really inspires me. So I've got to talk to her about it, though, which is very cool.
- [18:28]
Host of BFFR Podcast
That is so cool. I mean, yeah, she. She's the woman who brought Carrie Bradshaw to life. So, yeah, I guess SJP is the real hero here. Okay, so I am. I retired from soccer. I guess when this comes out, it will be two weeks ago, but yesterday. So I am. One of the biggest things that I want to commit to doing since I'm entering into this abyss and I need to find a new job and a new career is journaling. And someone who really inspired me to do that was you. And it's perfect timing because it's Notebook November. So, I mean, for anyone who maybe is either on the fence or is like, that's not for me. How has it helped you with your writing and how. Obviously, the response was so good a year ago, but could you dive in a little bit about journaling and the process and why you're encouraging other people to do it with you?
- [19:25]
Eli Rallo
So it's just something I've always done. Like, before, I think it's kind of trendy now, but which is great. But I think it's, like, something I've always done. Like, I've always loved to, like, write things down, like, keep a diary or a scribe. And it really helps me to, like, make sense of my emotions. Like, I feel that it's just very therapeutic for me. And so I thought last year to share it with my audience when I was going through a time when I had, like, gotten away from it a little bit, and I thought I really needed to get back onto doing it more. And it sort of, like, reinvigorated that. And last November, I did it every day, but I wasn't able to keep up with it that well because, like, the video, like, not only is it I come up with all the prompts myself. People are like, how do you come up with these? I'm like, I think of them.
- [20:10]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah, that's a job in itself.
- [20:13]
Eli Rallo
Thinking of, like, 30 prompts and then making sure that they all flow together. And then I feel like the process of making the video takes, like, half an hour or more because I'm making the video, editing the video, and then I have to take the time to do the Prompt, too, so that I can, like, share my findings on it. I'm not just gonna not do the prompt. So it almost takes an hour. And then on top of it, like, I just got kind of burnt out from doing it every day. And I also felt like people fell behind because I see people tagging me in the stories and the tiktoks of them doing it, and a lot of people fell behind because it's hard to carve out an hour every day. I just thought it would be more manageable Monday, Wednesday, Friday. And then if I'm feeling it, I can add a couple, like, bonus rounds, and we'll see how it goes. So tomorrow's the second one. Yesterday was the first one, but, like, I wanted everyone to, like, do the first one before we did the second one. And last year just got really hard. But of course, there are some people being like, where's 2 and 3 and 4? And I'm like, no, it's. It's. It's Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
- [21:10]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Oh, my gosh. Well, I'm. I'm excited. Could you give. Obviously, this will come out in a little bit, or you can give one from last year. But what would be an example prompt if someone is. Just wants to try it today?
- [21:24]
Eli Rallo
Yeah. So the first prompt is, like, my favorite journal prompted something. I even said a lot. We did it last year, but I wanted to do it again. And it's what is the ideal version of your life? But, like, within reason. So, like, not, like, what is, like, the crazy. Like, what is the ideal version of your life? Within reason. Like, not I win the lottery and I buy a mansion. Like, what does your job look like? What are your relationships look like? What does socializing look like for you? And then that's like, the first page and a half. And the second page and a half is what would I have to change to get closer to my ideal life? And usually when I do that, I find it's, like, not that many things, and it's, like, not that difficult. Like, sometimes there are big, like, ticket items, but usually it's like, get off my phone more.
- [22:06]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah.
- [22:06]
Eli Rallo
Make more plans with friends. Normally it's just realizations of, like, oh, I'm in control of this. So I love that one. That was the. That was the one yesterday.
- [22:15]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah. You've also talked about writing lists and gratitude lists, and that was the first way for me, meditation felt really, really daunting. And it was something that was when I went to a new team or met someone who was into meditation or a club or A team would say, yeah, we want everyone to meditate. But it felt so like a big ask and a big task. And for me just to write a list, I couldn't do it every night. That's why I'm going to try to journal more in November. But just to write a list of things that you're grateful for can change your day, your outlook, your mindset. Um, and I love that you write about being grateful and being positive. You put a very fun, positive spin on a lot of things, which I will. I'm gonna get into a little bit later that seem a little bit stressful, but I think, yeah, if anyone listening as well would just wants to try a form of meditation or gratitude journaling. I think making a list of things you're grateful for, especially we're going into Thanksgiving, is a really good way to start.
- [23:19]
Eli Rallo
I agree.
- [23:21]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Okay, so a lot of our listeners are maybe a little more millennial than Gen Z. And you write about conquering the quarter life crisis, but I think it can apply to a third life crisis as well. What does that phrase mean to you now? I mean, you're planning a wedding and you have this book on a bestseller list. What is the quarter life crisis mean?
- [23:44]
Eli Rallo
I think it's just like, a sort of reaching of age that, like, you've been climbing toward. Like, I think, like, when you're a young person, there's so many, like, milestones. Like, there's like, okay, like, preschool to kindergarten, kindergarten to elementary, elementary to middle, middle to high school, then high school to. If you go to trade school, if you go to college, if you go into the workforce, and then after college, post grad, and then you have your postgrad years, then it's all like, you've arrived. And it's like. But you've arrived to what? Like, when I got to that point, I was like, wait, what the fuck? And I don't know what I expected, but it, like, wasn't like. I don't know, like, reality was so, like, grave. It was so, like, grim. It was so, like, intense. It was so isolating. So I feel like it's a very common thing, especially for Gen Z and millennial women. I think we have a lot of a lack of mentorship in the way that, like, we're kind of the first generation that has the level of mobility and access that we do. And, like, for the first time ever, we're, like, living alone, putting off motherhood, putting off marriage.
- [24:46]
Host of BFFR Podcast
That's a big one. Yeah.
- [24:48]
Eli Rallo
You know, we're also accessing spaces that we never had access to. We're in positions of power. We're out earning men. Like, all of these things that kind of are unprecedented for young women. And so we can't really look necessarily to our moms and grandmas, maybe more our moms, but, like, the women before us, to be like, what? How do we handle this? Because it is so new and that's such a good thing. Like, that's such. Such something to celebrate. But it can be very daunting to be like, this is like, we're the first.
- [25:17]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah, definitely.
- [25:20]
Eli Rallo
Yeah.
- [25:21]
Host of BFFR Podcast
It's. It is so different thinking about how we as women, the. Well, in the world we're in, the society we're in, and just what our values and our principles and our collective voice and have. Being connected on social media, being seen, having inspiration, like you reading books like yours. And it is. I think that's probably why so many people connect to public figures. And when someone is willing to share, like you, what you're going through, how you think about things, because our guides are almost our peers now instead of someone who was in the generation above, it is really different.
- [26:02]
Eli Rallo
It's so different.
- [26:04]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Do you have an essay in the book that was scary to write or that you almost didn't include?
- [26:11]
Eli Rallo
Everything that I intended to include, I included. So, like, when I made the chapter list, like, everything from what I intended is there, but there were definitely moments that were more difficult than others, for sure. There's a couple chapters that do deal with, like, friendship breakups. There's a chapter that deals with, like, health and OCD and mental health. And I think, like, those chapters were definitely a bit more of a challenge, but, like, I'm ultimately grateful I included them. I never. When I was in the process, I was so, like, in it. It was so different from the first time. Like, the first time I was very, like, out of it, where I was, like, really, like, thinking about the perception of the book. And with this book, I was so in it and, like, so ingrained in the material that I, like, didn't really think about, like, what people would think about it. So when I went to do my audiobook recording, which, like, I read the audiobook, I left, and I was like, I did not remember that being so personal when I wrote it. So I definitely felt a bit of, like, damn. But I was happy. I was like, well, it's gone to the printer, so it's kind of over now. By the time I realized, like, it was personal, I was. It was kind of too late, which maybe is a Good thing. I feel fine about it. I feel fine.
- [27:27]
Host of BFFR Podcast
It was a big success. Um, I. I love that you talk about friendship breakups. Sometimes they can be even more painful than. And awkward and weird, I think, than romantic breakups. And I think I. Going into this next chapter of my life, I think there have been a lot of people who maybe I used my career as an excuse for being too busy traveling and, you know, having a game to not be able to get together with people. Oh, God, my friends listening to this are gonna be like, oh, God, does she mean me? But I think now, as I have more time or just different time, I feel like there definitely will be people that I don't have a close relationship with, that maybe I just have been putting it off or haven't realized that actually now that I have time, I still. That that friendship or that relationship isn't serving me. But it's kind of a hard. It's a little bit confronting. And I think about, like, what does that mean about me? But do you. What have you Learned in your 20s or recently about being a good friend or how do you think you've changed as a friend?
- [28:49]
Eli Rallo
I think the biggest thing I've realized is that, like, you don't always have to be on the same page. Like, if. And like, if my best friend is deciding if she's going to move to California or not, and we both live in New York, let's just say, like, it's okay if my best friend decides that for her own happiness and joy, she needs to move to California, even though I would prefer for her to stay in New York because she's my best friend and we can still be friends. Like, I. I just realized, like, you can make decisions for yourself and your own joy. You have to put yourself first. Like, everybody is the main character of their own story. Nobody is a side character in their own story. So you have to stop centering what other people would value from your life and instead of, like, what you would value. Like, if you're acting like the main character of your own story, then it's like, okay, like, I'm going to move to California because I want to move to California, even though it's going to be hard because I'm going to miss my people, I know this is right for me. And then from there, the people that are meant to be in your life are going to continue to be in your life because they realize that they have to support your happiness, even if it's not the idea of happiness that they would have chosen. Does that make sense?
- [29:59]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yes. Yes, definitely. We all deserve to be the. Our own main character. And I think that the. The distance friendships, just like a distance relationship, romantic relationship. It is. I love how they're. The friendships where, okay, maybe it doesn't work so much with a, with a partner, but where if you don't talk, but when you see each other, it's like nothing has changed.
- [30:23]
Eli Rallo
For the best. It's the best.
- [30:25]
Host of BFFR Podcast
And you know, if you have that feeling with someone, if you get together and a long time has passed and you don't really know what to talk about, or the conversation stalls and you're not really looking forward to see the person, then those main characters maybe have.
- [30:40]
Eli Rallo
Just grown apart and yeah, maybe that's not your person anymore. And that's okay. And that's okay.
- [30:47]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Well, we're also.
- [30:48]
Eli Rallo
I.
- [30:48]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Speaking of friendships and friendsgiving. And I love what you said about if you have the. If you have a friendsgiving everyone bring someone who's single.
- [30:57]
Eli Rallo
Oh my God. Yeah. Like, even if you're not single, why wouldn't you do that? And then all these people can meet.
- [31:02]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yes. Help. Help your friends out here. But I was heartbroken when you said that Halloween was a bench holiday just for me.
- [31:15]
Eli Rallo
I know.
- [31:16]
Host of BFFR Podcast
So what, what doesn't grab you about Halloween? I need to know. My birthday is 30th. I'm like super obsessed with.
- [31:25]
Eli Rallo
Okay, so I, I love that. And I like Halloween. Like from the, like, I like to like spectate Halloween, October. I've always just found that like, October has always felt like such a busy month for me. And it's like now all of a sudden, there's this like, expectation to have a costume. And then like when you're online, I feel like the expectation is like even greater that the costume must be like so good.
- [31:47]
Host of BFFR Podcast
I didn't think about that.
- [31:48]
Eli Rallo
Like, and I'm like, I already like, didn't love this. And now there's like this additional pressure. This year though, I was kind of enticed by like the theatricality of the costumes. And I was like, I could see myself doing a costume next year, but, like, not to like be that annoying person that does it for a photo shoot. But I, I would do that, like, to celebrate Halloween and post it. Like, it looked fun. Like, I like getting my photo taken and I like, like being creative with like photo shoots and video shoots. So like, I think that looks fun. I'm also not big into like parties. I like, like holiday parties. I like birthday parties. But like, I'm not a big like, go out, girl. I don't go out a lot. So. Also, the idea of, like, going out in a Halloween costume kind of stresses me. So there's that, you know, it's just not my favorite. But that's not to say that I don't think it's great. Like, I still really like Halloween.
- [32:37]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Okay. Well, you had to, you had great reasons for it not being your favorite. But I'm. I. Now I have to wait a whole year. But I, I'm excited to see. Yeah. What happens next year. If maybe.
- [32:49]
Eli Rallo
Yeah, maybe I'll get into it.
- [32:51]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Maybe I'll get into it. I, I was impressed with how people got into it this year. Like, it's been a. It's been a tough year. Especially here in la.
- [33:00]
Eli Rallo
People killed it.
- [33:02]
Host of BFFR Podcast
And like you said, at first I was like, oh. Because traditionally it's, well, first to go trick or treating and then to go to a party and maybe to take a photo and like, Heidi Klum obviously set the bar so, so high. But I actually loved that people use their creativity with TikTok and so to make videos where the costume was already great. But it comes alive when you, it comes to audio.
- [33:26]
Eli Rallo
It's very theatrical.
- [33:28]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yes, exactly.
- [33:30]
Eli Rallo
Theatrical. Yes.
- [33:31]
Host of BFFR Podcast
People did really, really well.
- [33:33]
Eli Rallo
People did great this year.
- [33:35]
Host of BFFR Podcast
But I think you, you have talked about how things that you like about being an adult, and I thought, this is what I need because obviously embarking on now, I feel too much like an adult. I got to be a soccer player and be on a team and have people tell you what to do, where to go, what to wear for 30 years. And then now I'm like, I actually have to adult. But all this to say, you need to just go watch all of, all of Eli's content. But the other thing that you made, the holidays, which I often feel like they're a little bit stressful, but all these great things about the holidays. So going into Thanksgiving, Christmas, when is too soon to start decorating for Christmas? Like, is there a too soon? Do you pause at fall?
- [34:23]
Eli Rallo
No. And like, I live between two places and my fall and winter are also so busy that, like, I'm not really going to get to decorate because it's like, I'm leaving here for two weeks, then I'm back for five days, then I'm leaving again. It just doesn't make sense to, like, put up decorations to enjoy for like 72 hours. It just, it's ever so. I would recommend, if you don't have that, like, nomadic lifestyle that I do, to embrace decorating because once I am more, like, parked and present in one place, like, I will love to decorate. I'm, like, so excited to, like, soak up all, like, the New York City Christmas decorations. And my parents, I know they'll decorate their house. Like, I'm, like, so looking forward to that. It's the best. Like, if you can decorate, you should. It just doesn't make sense for me this year. Like, I put out a couple of my holiday mugs. That's, like, the extent that I'm going, though, because, like, I'm seriously not here. Like, I'm here and I'm not. I'm in Texas right now. So, like, I'm in Texas, and then I'm leaving tomorrow for two weeks. I'm back for a week, leaving for a week, back for a week, leaving for two weeks, and then it's over. So it's like, gosh, it's not really giving, like, appropriate amount of time to decorate, but I wish it was the.
- [35:29]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Life of a showgirl. But you did. You did give a hot tip about going to hotel bars. And you're so right. Like, the. That sounded out of context, really weird. But the decorations, they do such a.
- [35:43]
Eli Rallo
Good job in, like, the ambiance of a hotel bar. I, like, am a huge hotel bar girl. One, because, like, I travel a lot, so I often find myself at hotels. But two, I just think, like, you're always going to get the most interesting mix of people. Like, you're at a hotel bar. Like, we're going to see flight attendants. You're going to see people on a date. You're going to see people staying at the hotel from out of town. You're going to see people frequent the hotel because they love the hotel. You'll see businessmen, like, by themselves, people on a work trip. Like, it's just the best, most eclectic group of people.
- [36:13]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah, that was. That was really great advice. Especially if you're traveling and you maybe want to get that little fix and you can't be home. Okay, well, we talked about media and pressure a little bit already. How do you stay present when, like, the attention span of people is so short and you are, like, you said, you're traveling. You're already. You have this third book in the works. Is there something that you do? Obviously journaling definitely would keep everyone grounded, but is there anything else you do to, like, live more presently when you have so much going on?
- [36:52]
Eli Rallo
I. I try my best. It is so hard, though. Like, it's something that you have to be really intentional about. Like, I think right now, when I'm in such, like, a building phase of my career, like, I really feel like I'm just getting started with everything. Like, is the time to, like, put the pressure on myself the most to hustle. So I really do feel like 24, 7. Work, work, work. But I'm happy and content with that. So I think, like, because I'm okay with that, it's good. And then I try to just, like, have things that sort of, like, buoy or ground me. Like, the journaling's a good example. Therapy's a good example. Most of my friends and family don't utilize social media and the Internet the way I do. So, like, being around them is super helpful. I don't really make content when I'm with my loved ones. I just, like, unplugged. So that's also really great. And then I find little pockets. Like, I took a little break for a girls trip in April, I think it was. I took another little break kind of recently. I take breaks here and there, so hopefully another one toward the end of this year. It's always just helpful to, like, take a minute to get be away from being online.
- [37:58]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Do you feel pressure? I mean, you have over a million followers. Sounds like a very good practice to. To unplug sometimes. But do you ever feel like, with how you said with the journaling, when even though you were very clear about what days the prompts would come out, that people are like, yeah, they need something from you or they want something from you all the time. Do you? Yeah. Do you feel a lot of pressure around that?
- [38:23]
Eli Rallo
I do. I try to, like, remain really grateful in it, though. Like, what a privilege it is to have people that, like, are so demanding of my time and energy and like, the. Their need for me to entertain them. Like, that's such a good thing. Like, that's what I wanted. I will say, though, I do get, like, I feel that, like, because I've been volume posting for so long and, like, have posted at such a high level for so long that, like, it's expected of me to continue to do that and that, like, I have this fear that if I, like, don't do that, like, it's like, letting my audience down. And I think, like, my audience isn't like that, but it is. Yeah, it is that bit of kind of pressure that I just want to be the best for them possible. And I want to be, like, so careful and responsible with everything. And I try so hard. I think that's the other thing when you try really hard. You feel like you're putting a lot of genuine intentional effort there. And I care so much. I think it comes across though.
- [39:33]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yes, it definitely does. And I. It's funny because when we talk about everyone being their own main character and when you are giving this amazing advice, it's kind of cool because we are looking to each other to help us out in tough times. And I think everything you say is empowering people to also, if you don't post something, that they can do something for themselves. And you're just being so real. And I think, I definitely think. Not that what I say will take any of the pressure off, but I do think everything you say is about being real and even sharing right now how you feel. And you, you give so much. I think. Yeah. I feel like you have a good girl gang behind you who would definitely understand.
- [40:21]
Eli Rallo
I appreciate that.
- [40:23]
Host of BFFR Podcast
And. And oh my gosh, you do do a great roundup of the month and I loved your October round. Oh, my gosh.
- [40:29]
Eli Rallo
Thank you.
- [40:30]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Oh, my gosh. And I just finished binging. Nobody wants this. I always do Twilight over the holidays.
- [40:37]
Eli Rallo
And yes, Twilight's so good.
- [40:39]
Host of BFFR Podcast
So. And I saw this one woman posted all the red flags in Twilight and it was so funny.
- [40:45]
Eli Rallo
There's so many.
- [40:45]
Host of BFFR Podcast
There's so.
- [40:47]
Eli Rallo
It's like so poorly done. It's like, how does a movie like with this much like fanfare have this small of a budget? Like, it's so low budge.
- [40:56]
Host of BFFR Podcast
It is so funny watching it straight through from like, it's hilarious makeup and just so some of the dialogue you're like, yeah. How did she fall for this guy? What are we doing?
- [41:08]
Eli Rallo
It's. It's crazy. It's literally crazy.
- [41:11]
Host of BFFR Podcast
I mean, you just, you just can't help it.
- [41:13]
Eli Rallo
You have to laugh.
- [41:14]
Host of BFFR Podcast
I know. I'm like Twilight and Harry Potter are my like holiday once. It kind of gets gloomy here in la.
- [41:20]
Eli Rallo
It's a little colder. Yeah.
- [41:22]
Host of BFFR Podcast
You just. You just gotta do it and lock in. Yes. One of my favorite things that. Well, I very, very much believe this and you taught. You mentioned it as being something that's out and it's wanting a village, but not being a villager. And this is something that I think when it comes to everything like what you're doing and a lot of us who are public figures or just anything with friendships, I think this covers so much of that where, you know, we say it takes a village and you want to be part of a village, but you have to also give. Like, you can't just take and I've been thinking about that a lot, and when I saw it put that way, it just really, really resonated with me.
- [42:10]
Eli Rallo
Yeah. And sometimes it's inconvenient. Like, yes. Sometimes being a villager, like, isn't gonna be your first choice. Sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it's not something that you want to do. Like, I see people all the time complaining about getting invited to weddings, like, without a plus one. And if you can't afford it, I'm not talking to you. I totally get that. I've told everybody already who doesn't have a plus one for my wedding, like, you do not have to cut. Like, you know, I understand. I would never end a friendship over that. I get it. Like, I hate doing the caveat Olympics. But that caveat, like, I get it. Like, if you can't afford to go to a wedding by yourself, totally understandable. But if you just don't want to because you don't feel like socially going into a situation like that by yourself, like, I don't know how much you deserve the village that you purport so much to care about because you don't want to be a villager. I am engaged, and I've gone to weddings before by myself. My best friend took me as her plus one to her sister's wedding where she was the maid of honor. I knew nobody but my best friend and her mom. I was alone the entire time. That's family of the bride. I was alone the entire time, but that's my best friend. Yeah. And I want to be in community with her. So, yeah, I'm going to come to your sister's wedding and be alone the entire time. Like, I don't care. I was alone literally the entire time. But, like, why would I. Why would I not do that for her? Yeah. Like, why would I if I can? Why would I not? And it's just, like. So I think the plus one conversation on the weddings thing, like, that is like, my I'm boots down. That's how I feel. I've gone to weddings alone before. People have been like, before I was engaged, like, you can't bring your boyfriend to my wedding. And I'm like, but I want to be in community with you.
- [43:45]
Host of BFFR Podcast
So I'm going to come 1000%.
- [43:52]
Eli Rallo
It's really crazy. Like, I had said that there's, like, a really small number of people who are in relationships and coming to my wedding, and they can't bring their partner because, like, we don't have the space. And, like, everyone's like, Get a bigger venue. And I'm like, it's just not really how it works. Like, there's not bigger venue. Like, like, no. I wanted the wedding to be of a certain size. And so we, we said, like, unless, like, we're doing it case by case. So, like, if we're really good friends with somebody and their partner, they're both invited. If someone's engaged or married, their partner is invited, obviously, as well. And then if somebody's in a relationship with someone we don't really know, maybe they're not invited. And then there are a very, very, very small amount of people who are single and might not know a lot of other people. And I privately, one on one, had a conversation with every single one of those people that I invited, and I let them know. I was like, I totally understand. We're not able to offer you the plus one. I want you to hear it from me. If you want to bring someone to everything else, I said, you can bring them to the welcome party, you can bring them to the goodbye event. You could have them show up at the wedding at 9pm after dinner and come to dancing. Like, I just can't fit another plate or another seat at the ceremony. People on the Internet act did. Like, I literally shot someone. I was like, wait, if I was going to go to a wedding where I didn't know people, and I got to. I got to skip the dinner and I got to skip the ceremony and.
- [45:09]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Come to the party.
- [45:10]
Eli Rallo
Let's ride. Like, yeah, that's what everyone wants to do. And I was like, on top of that. Like, I just feel like that's really generous to do. I thought that was a really kind thing to do. In traditional Catholic weddings, like, a lot of people don't come to the ceremony. There's only the party. Like, you know, in different cultures, it's also normal to do that. I just wanted my people to have as much flexibility as possible when I wasn't able to accommodate them. So instead of just being like, you can't bring your partner plus one, you can bring them to everything else. I just really can't. Like, the. The place is big enough for your person to come, but not to sit like that. That's the problem. Like, so I can't offer them those two things, but for everything else, like, they're so welcome. And like, the way the Internet reacted at me, I was like, I just feel like that's me being in community with other people too. And by the way, I didn't care how people reacted toward me. Because all the people who I talked to about that were, like, so gracious. They were like, half of them were like, no, I'm not bringing anyone. I just want to be around your. I love you. Like, I don't care. And half of them are like, oh, my God, that's so nice. I'll totally take you up on that. So it's like, I don't really know what the problem is here. I'm just trying to be accommodating. And I just feel like people are really, like, it's the pandemic. Plus Gen Z is into this, like, instant gratification, and they feel very entitled to things. And it's just like this swirly mix of, like, people just don't want to be in community with other people as much as they say that they do. Like, you need to bring your neighbor eggs when they knock on your door. Like, it's stuff like that. Like, you need to go pick people up at the airport. It's stuff like that. Yeah.
- [46:46]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I did not realize that would be such a hot take. I am definitely on the same page as you, and that is, I think, generous to even invite someone to the reception. But, yeah, I think I also would never think if I was going to wedding and I was single, like you say, and then if I met someone, like, it's set. And then if I meet someone right. Right before the wedding.
- [47:09]
Eli Rallo
No, it's not.
- [47:10]
Host of BFFR Podcast
You can ask, but I think if I can't bring the person I just met that has never met the people getting married, I feel like that should be very understandable, but.
- [47:21]
Eli Rallo
I think that should be very understandable, but, you know, it's not.
- [47:25]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yes, we. My husband and I just got married in January, so we were.
- [47:28]
Eli Rallo
Congratulations.
- [47:29]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Thank you. We had all of this, but it's.
- [47:31]
Eli Rallo
It's.
- [47:32]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah. Fun to talk about it with you.
- [47:34]
Eli Rallo
It's crazy. It's crazy.
- [47:36]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Okay, well, let's end on just a couple fun quick questions here. What's a small joy that's getting you through the week?
- [47:46]
Eli Rallo
Oh, Dancing with the Stars tonight. I'm so excited. I've been loving.
- [47:51]
Host of BFFR Podcast
I do Miss Alona. I'm like, Alona's number one fan. I'm like, just. Just bring her back on. Bring her back on. All the.
- [47:57]
Eli Rallo
Yes.
- [47:58]
Host of BFFR Podcast
All the contestants are great. But also, let's add Alona again.
- [48:00]
Eli Rallo
Yeah.
- [48:01]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Okay. Yes, that's right. Tonight, do you have a favorite Taylor Swift era?
- [48:07]
Eli Rallo
My favorite Taylor Swift era is the Tortured Poets. I think it's kind of like a hot Take, but I fell in love with it, like on first listen and I adore it. But most of my life it was lover. Like, I was an early adopter of lover. I was. I've. Taylor Swift has been my number one artist on Spotify since 2017, which is crazy because, like, it's crazy because I wasn't as big of a fan as I am now back then. But she was always just like the music I would go to, to be honest. Like, you're hearing it here first. It's. I think it's going to be Ariana this year. She's always in the top five, but I think she's gonna be number one this year because I've just been reaching for her discography. Like, I play that this is Taylor Swift. I play that this is Ariana too. I've been reaching for it a lot, so I'm curious to see how that shakes out. But I just feel like she was always what I would reach for, like, study and write in college. And then, like, I became a really big fan. So it was lover for such a long time. But then Torture Poets usurped.
- [49:03]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Wait, when do we get the roundup? The Spotify roundup?
- [49:06]
Eli Rallo
December 1st, usually. Okay, kind of soon. Kind of soon. It's coming.
- [49:11]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Okay, well, I know you'll let us know who was at the top.
- [49:14]
Eli Rallo
Yes, yes.
- [49:16]
Host of BFFR Podcast
What's your most used TikTok sound? Or do you have like an audio that you think of?
- [49:22]
Eli Rallo
I don't really have an audio that I like go over and over with. I feel like if I use an audio, I. I clean out my audios. So if I use an audio, I.
- [49:30]
Host of BFFR Podcast
That's probably smart.
- [49:32]
Eli Rallo
Unless I want to use it again. But if I use it and it's like kind of one of those one and done ones, I take it out so I don't do it again.
- [49:38]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah, I've been loving the. I did it with my teammates going back to Twilight. The when everyone is running and oh.
- [49:48]
Eli Rallo
Yeah, they're running like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [49:53]
Host of BFFR Podcast
So I just have that, like down.
- [49:54]
Eli Rallo
To D. Like I have that in.
- [49:56]
Host of BFFR Podcast
My head for all of this. All o. Okay, maybe I know this because I did see your roundup, but it's now been a week. Is there a current show that you're binge watching?
- [50:08]
Eli Rallo
I just last night started I love la, the new Rachel Senate show on hbo. Max. I only watched the first episode. I don't live in la, so I can't speak to like biblical accuracy. La. I. I've never had that experience. But I think it's really hard to get the whole, like, digital influencer media space right. And from the first 30 minutes, like, it feels like she's going to do it. So they're doing week by week drops, like, as HBO does. But I loved episode one, so I recommend.
- [50:36]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Okay, yeah, I need to watch that. And also it just brings me back too much with the one a week, like, being desperate for the. For it to come out.
- [50:44]
Eli Rallo
I kind of like it.
- [50:47]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Yeah, that was. Those were tough times. And then. Then I would tivo it so I wouldn't have to watch the commercials. At least there's no commercials. So. Yeah, we're not all the way back into the.
- [50:55]
Eli Rallo
Yeah, yeah.
- [50:56]
Host of BFFR Podcast
Early 2000s here. Okay, last question. If you could give one piece of advice to anyone in their mid-20s or mid-30s freaking out about adulthood, what would it be?
- [51:12]
Eli Rallo
I think I would just say to have more fun. Like, one realization that I have pretty often is how, like, fleeting and kind of ridiculous and silly life is, but also how, like, meaningful and deep it can be. But, like, I think the true purpose is to, like, love and be loved in return and have a good time. Like, enjoy. And try to enjoy yourself, especially when things are, like, as tough as they are right now. Like, try to find joy and hope through all the chaos.
- [51:40]
Host of BFFR Podcast
I love that. Thank you.
- [51:42]
Eli Rallo
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.
- [51:44]
Host of BFFR Podcast
And thank you for taking time. You're so busy, Eli, coming on this show. It means so much. And congrats again on does anyone else feel this way and can't wait to see what book number three brings for us. But no, honestly, it was a huge honor to have you on and happy holidays.
- [52:02]
Eli Rallo
I appreciate you. Happy holidays.
- [52:07]
Host of BFFR Podcast
All right, it's time for ADD to Cart, presented by Macy's, where each week I'll share one thing I'm loving right now. It could be a vibe, a trend, a person, a moment. And you can always find your faves@macy's.com. this week for the holidays, I'm adding both Twilight and Harry Potter because I binge the entire series of both of those every holiday season. Yes, I just watched all the Twilight movies and okay, maybe they're not holiday related, but as soon as we get just a whisper of cold air here in la, it's time to watch Twilight. And I actually just made a video of my teammates running as if they were vampires. And I just felt really inspired. And obviously Harry Potter, I mean, it has a little bit of the Halloween vibe too, but the Weasleys, the sweaters, the magic mistletoe when Harry and Cho Chang share their kiss. I mean, the Yule Ball. You got to watch Harry Potter over the holidays. And if you're in shopping mode, don't forget the Macy's Parade of Deals is happening now. A brand new limited time deal drops every single day through Thanksgiving from cozy essentials like a Weasley sweater to gifts and glam accessories. Check the macy's app or macy's.com for today's deal drop. All right, that's it for this week's episode of bffr. Thank you so much to Eli for hanging out and talking about all the things. And I'm gonna have to go hit up a hotel bar for the holidays. Don't forget to subscribe on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you listen. Follow us on BFFRShow on all socials and I will see you next Monday.