#112 How To DESTROY Negative Thoughts (And Rewire Your Brain) | Tony Robbins

Summary

---

BigDeal Podcast #112 — How To DESTROY Negative Thoughts (And Rewire Your Brain) | Tony Robbins

Host: Codie Sanchez
Guest: Tony Robbins
Date: January 7, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode dives deeply into Tony Robbins' philosophy on personal transformation, the power of mindset, and the practical steps needed to break negative thought patterns. The conversation moves past surface-level “positive thinking” or feel-good platitudes. Instead, Robbins and Sanchez explore hard truths—the kind that genuinely change lives—covering why so many people fail at New Year’s resolutions, the three-part formula for true breakthroughs, how to make and keep real commitments, and the difference between motivation and inner drive. The episode is candid, fast-paced, and brimming with tactical advice, memorable stories, and trademark Tony Robbins intensity.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Limits of Manifesting & The Law of Attraction

• Tony's view: The law of attraction is real, but it’s just one of many universal laws.
  • “Law of attraction is real. It’s one of dozens, dozens of laws. And you’re saying that’s the whole game. That’s absurd to me.” (00:05)
• Tony critiques the over-simplification of “think and you will get” as magical thinking.
  • “Just thinking positive is not going to do it. Thinking negative will certainly hurt your life. But that’s not the full gig.” (25:15)

2. Cutting Through Comforting Lies

• Codie sets the tone: this conversation is for those “sick of platitudes and unable to build a tactical, sustainable, daily approach to improving your life.” (00:24)
• Tony's take on truth vs. comfort: “Where did we get up this thing that you’re not supposed to offend anybody… If you’re not going to offend anybody, you’re not going to have any impact. Sometimes you gotta do what’s uncomfortable.” (00:48, 41:01)

3. The Real Breakthrough Formula: The "Three S's"

Tony Robbins’ three factors for breakthrough—Strategy, Story, State, in order of true effectiveness.

• Strategy

  • Most people start with searching for the right tactic or strategy.
  • But lacking a strategy is rarely the real barrier.

  “The first one is not the most valuable. It’s the first one people go for—strategy… But people don’t use the strategy because the second S gets in the way.” (02:25)

• Story

  • The beliefs and narratives we repeat to ourselves block action more than tactics.
  • People often defend limiting beliefs even in the face of contrary evidence.

  “Our narrative of our life controls our life more than anything else. So you have to divorce your limitations and marry the truth of your unlimited ability.” (00:48, 05:47)

  • Concrete examples:
    • People claiming “I’ve tried everything” for weight loss, but really trying only a couple things repeatedly.
    • Excuses for lack of relationships or success.

• State

  • The most important, least discussed aspect: physical, emotional, and mental state.
  • State determines how you interpret the world, relate to challenges, unlock energy.
  • You must be in the right state before changing story or strategy.

  “If you’re going to have a breakthrough, it comes from your state… Your mental emotional state affects the way you perceive everything in life.” (08:54) “With the right state, you’ll get the right behavior, you’ll get the right story, and you’ll find the right strategies. That’s where I go first.” (10:39)

4. Decision-Making: Decision, Commitment, Resolve

• Decision alone is fleeting—it must become commitment, then unshakeable resolve.

• Example: Story of General Norman Schwarzkopf at the Pentagon making pivotal decisions despite incomplete info.

  “Decisions need to be made… If it’s wrong, we’ll find out quicker and change. If it’s right, we’ll move forward immediately.” (13:06)

• Three stages:

  • Decision: The initial intent: “forward momentum.”

  • Commitment: Creating an external consequence, making the decision stick beyond the emotional moment.

    • “Never leave the site of making a decision without doing something that commits you to follow through later on.” (16:39)

  • Resolve: A feeling that it’s done—“brings peace”—and action is inevitable.

    "Resolve means it's already done. You say something's resolved, it's already done. It's done in you, so it's going to be done in the world." (17:27)

• Codie shares a personal example—a difficult divorce decision, and how true resolution brought peace, despite sadness. (18:02–18:48)

5. How to Actually Change a Pattern/Tactic for Breaking Negative Habits

• You don’t just make rules; you must create strong, emotionally compelling reasons and consequences.

• Codie’s humorous example: Her husband (an ex-Navy SEAL) sets high-stakes consequences for broken commitments (e.g., donating to a cause she opposes).

  "It not only has to be cash, but something that would bother you so much that you’re not going to not execute." (20:01)

6. Top Five Life Skills According to Tony

• Decision-making

• Managing your state

• Building relationships

• Creating a vision for your life (moving from “manager” to “creator”)

• Continual growth & contribution

  “If you shift what’s behind it all, you shift everything.” (21:08–21:26)

7. Motivation vs. Inner Drive: Push vs. Pull

• “Push” motivation (forcing yourself) is finite and exhausting.

• “Pull” motivation: Driven by a purpose beyond yourself, produces nearly unlimited energy.

  “What’s unlimited is pull motivation, pull drive—that’s something you care about more than yourself… It gives you an energy that almost feels superhuman.” (22:08–22:35)

8. Hard Truths about Positive Thinking

• Tony is skeptical of “The Secret” and pure positive thinking.

• Find the truth—don’t ignore weeds with wishful thinking, but don’t distort reality either.

  “I don’t believe in negative thinking. Doesn’t help you. You need to find what’s true… See it as is, but also not see it worse than it is.” (25:15)

9. On People-Pleasing, Tough Love, and Real Change

• Tony shares stories about being a reformed “pleaser” and instead choosing “benevolent bullying” for breakthrough.

• Example: Directly challenging a woman’s excuses at a women’s event, with Oprah present, leading to her transformation.

  “If you stand up in my room, something’s caused you to stand up. Some part of you wants transformation… and it’s going to happen.” (39:41)

10. The Power of Offending Others in Service of Truth

• Codie and Tony discuss “PC” culture and its pitfalls—if you try not to offend anyone, you’ll have no impact.

  “If you’re not going to offend anybody, you’re not going to have any impact.” (41:01)

11. Foundational Human Needs & Pattern Breaking

• “Six Human Needs”: Certainty, Uncertainty, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, Contribution.
• Pattern interrupts (breaking a negative habit) must be tailored to the person’s dominant needs.
  • Tony always seeks leverage based on their deepest drivers.
    • “What’s a pattern up for you vs. another person is different based on your model of the world.” (43:09–43:15)

12. Hiring, Partnerships, and Learning from Mistakes

• Evaluating new partners: Beyond skills, ensure long-term goals and values align.

• Background checks are a must for Tony now—saved him major pain.

• Many of his skills came from painful partnership mistakes.

  “Most of my most important skills came from some early mistakes with people.” (52:35)

13. Tony’s Preparation and the "Time to Rise Summit" (January 29–31)

• Tony’s process: Over-prepares by reading 5,000+ participant questionnaires to sense group patterns.
• “Time To Rise Summit”—a free digital event designed to create true transformation (not just New Year’s resolutions).

  • A million+ people attend each year from all 193 countries.

    “The comeback story is the best story of your life. You’re down, everything’s not working. That’s what inspires people.” (57:05) “If you want it’s time to rise and take more out of your life… you need some tools, you need some inspiration, you need some community and you need some days where it’s actually going to happen.” (60:53)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On strategy and story:
  • “Most people have certainty about what won’t work… Their story controls what they’re willing to do or not do.” (05:47)
• On “resolve”:
  • “Resolve means it’s already done. You say something’s resolved, it’s already done. It’s done in you, so it’s going to be done in the world.” (17:27)
• On needing uncomfortable truths:
  • “If you’re not going to offend anybody, you’re not going to have any impact.” (41:01)
  • “Sometimes you gotta do what’s uncomfortable. Otherwise you’re just making yourself feel good… If you want transformation, you cannot do it by blaming everybody else.” (00:48, 39:41)
• On motivation:
  • “Push is what most people use… What’s unlimited is pull motivation, pull drive. That’s something you care about more than yourself.” (22:08–22:35)
• On preparation:
  • “I just believe in overloading my brain because I never know what’s going to happen. I have to be able to adapt to feel alive and do art. And art is something that’s different every time.” (54:41)
• On being a benevolent bully:
  • “You need like—my husband calls it a benevolent bully.” (31:20, interviewer)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–01:00: Debunking law of attraction as a sole solution; context for real breakthroughs.
• 01:44–10:28: The Three S's—Breakthrough formula: Strategy, Story, State.
• 12:02–18:48: Decision-making framework: decision, commitment, resolve. Example of Codie’s major life choice using Tony’s approach.
• 20:01: The power of having meaningful consequences for commitments.
• 21:31–23:54: Motivation: push vs. pull. Tony on keeping (and not keeping) promises to himself.
• 25:00–27:17: Tony on why positive thinking isn’t enough; story of refusing to do The Secret.
• 31:36–40:39: Tony’s journey from pleaser to “benevolent bully”; stories of tough interventions and real transformation.
• 41:01–43:15: Truth-telling, breaking PC culture, and the true cost of not offending.
• 45:00–46:16: The Six Human Needs and how patterns must be broken differently for each person.
• 50:00–54:20: Tony on business partnerships, learning from betrayal, and developing better systems after mistakes.
• 54:41–60:53: How Tony prepares for events and the details of the Time to Rise Summit.

---

Final Takeaways for Listeners

• True breakthroughs require changing your state first, then your story, then your strategy.
• Don’t be seduced by comfort or easy positive thinking—seek truth, accept discomfort, and commit deeply to your goals.
• Lasting transformation comes from real resolve, not fleeting decisions.
• Evaluate relationships (business or personal) based on alignment of long-term goals and values, not just initial chemistry or skills.
• Attend Tony’s free “Time To Rise Summit” (Jan 29–31) to experience these principles in action—register at timetorisesummit.com.

---

Transcript

[Interviewer]

There is so much. If you think it, you will get it. But I still don't think it's gonna fix everything for me.

[Tony Robbins]

No, no. I mean, listen, whatever you think about consistently tend to manifest in your life. But there are other things beyond just that. One force of what you want to think otherwise is think you're the center of the universe, which is absurd to me. So you're saying the law of attraction is. I said no law of attraction is real. It's one of dozens, dozens of laws. And you're saying that's the whole game.

[Interviewer]

I'm sitting down with the iconic Tony Robbins, modern day philosopher author. If you're sick of the platitudes and the manifesting and un able to build a tactical, sustainable, daily approach to improving your life, today's episode is for you. Stop creating flimsy New Year's resolutions. Change your life for real today with me. So many people feel like they can't say the thing that might actually help because it might hurt somebody's feelings.

[Tony Robbins]

Where do we get up this thing that you're not supposed to offend anybody. You're not gonna offend anybody. You're not gonna have any impact. Sometimes you gotta do what's uncomfortable. Otherwise you're just making yourself feel good. I can make myself feel good and go, gosh, that's so horrible. I understand f that some part of you wants transformation or be in my presence and it's going to happen. We all tell ourselves stories about things. Our narrative of our life controls our life more than anything else. So you have to divorce your limitations and marry the truth of your unlimited ability.

[Interviewer]

What are the biggest lies that we are told because it seems nice instead of true today? Okay. I want to talk about a million things with you. I've been so excited to have this conversation.

[Tony Robbins]

Great to have you.

[Interviewer]

Thanks for taking the time. I want to talk about a thing that I used to think was touchy feely. And then actually. Actually you were one of the first guys that made me realize you could have all the tools, all the tactics, all the metrics, but if you don't have your mind right, none of it'll work.

[Tony Robbins]

Right.

[Interviewer]

And one of the things that I love about you is you've beaten into my mind that peak performance starts with mindset.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Interviewer]

And that that is not actually a touchy feely thing. But you've also hinted that in some ways there's something that comes before mindset. And why is the order of that so important?

[Tony Robbins]

This actually came because for. Oh, gosh, this Is going to be my 49th year. I've traveled the earth at a really unique time. I've been in every single major country in the world. I have clients in every country of the world. So 193 countries give you an idea. And so after a while, you recognize patterns. And one of the patterns that I began to recognize is what creates a breakthrough. Because I'm interested not in just managing something or making it better. I want to scale something. I want to see it grow. Or a breakthrough in your personal life, same thing. Somebody's going along and they try to change. Don't fall through, Try to change, don't fall through, beat themselves up. Like, what is the difference between the person who beat themselves up and the time when she finally. He or she finally broke through? And what I found is there's actually three elements to it. And the reason most people fail to have a breakthrough I experience is that they go after them in the wrong sequence. It's kind of like if you know the right numbers to a vault and you put them in the wrong order, you don't get the treasure right. Same thing with your phone number. You don't reach the person. So I'll give you the three S's to a breakthrough. The first one is not the most valuable one. It's the first one people go for. It's strategy. Now, for you and I, strategy seems like the most natural thing to go for. If I want to achieve something, how do I do it? That's the number one question, right? But the problem with asking, how do I do it? Is if you've never done it before, most people then go into what I call the tyranny of how. The tyranny of how is like, have you ever done this? Set a goal? Maybe when you're really young, I'm gonna do this. Maybe you told if you were gonna do this, and this voice in your head goes, who are you kidding? Right? Because what happens is you start to doubt because you have no reference space, you have no experience. And so when you're uncertain, you don't follow through. You look at a peak performer. What makes him a peak performer? If you watch them going down that court in the NBA or NFL or whatever sport it may be, you feel this relentless energy. There's not an ounce of hesitancy. There's absolute certainty. That doesn't guarantee success, but it increases the probability through the roof. When you focus on something you know how to do, the doubts show up. And then the second thing that happens is, I'll Give you an example. Let's take a simplistic piece. 70% of Americans are overweight, right? We're the fattest country in the history of the world. We're infecting every other country with our dietary patterns. And people around the world are getting more and more ill. But is the secret to being fit and healthy like so complex that you only need super intelligent people can understand? Is it that it costs so much to learn that technology? Is it special only for the 0.1% of the population? No. The strategy of how to be fit and healthy. There's a million different strategies. There's not even just one. And they'll all work to certain extent. Some are better than others, obviously. So the strategy. It's not a strategy problem. Now it's possible. I remember about. I don't know, it's about 15 years ago, time magazine had the COVID of the magazine. It was the Atkins diet. And they said 14% of Americans on the Atkins diet. Well, if you're on the Atkins diet, hopefully you woke up at some point and went, if this anything makes my breath smell this bad. And I got a pee on a stick. So I got so much acid in my body probably is not sustainable. But everybody did it. It worked for a short time. They went and did the piece to make it work. So some people just have the wrong strategy. But the real problem is the second S. I'm moving backwards in order of importance, meaning strategy is the least important. Even though I consider myself a strategist, I know the right strategy could save you 10 years. In your business. The right strategy could save you months in terms of turning your weight around or transforming a relationship. It could be minutes. Right? If you have the right strategy. But people don't use the strategy because the second S gets in the way, which is their story. The story we all tell ourselves. Stories about things. Our narrative of our life controls our life more than anything else. And. And all the story is, it's a set of beliefs. And beliefs are nothing but things we've told ourselves over and over again with so much certainty that now we believe them. Like, for example, for yourself, if I can ask, can you think of any belief you may have had 10, 15 years ago that you'd been back then you would have fought for that belief, but today you're almost embarrassed you had that belief.

[Interviewer]

Yes.

[Tony Robbins]

Right. Most people can. So the fact that you believe it doesn't mean it's true. It just means you're certain. And so most people have certainty about what won't Work. So let's take the example of fitness again. So why you ask that person who's 35 pounds overweight, how come you're overweight? Well, I've tried. Well, he say, I've tried everything. That's right, everything. And I look at him and I say, with all due respect, you haven't tried everything. Yes, I have. I've tried thousands of things. Okay, name them and then they'll go, well, I've tried hundreds of things. Name them. Well, I've tried these two things that don't work over and over again is what it'll come down to. Right? And they call that everything. Right? So the story keeps them to do it. You're not in a relationship. You don't have a relationship. You say you want one. Why aren't you in one? Well, the good ones are all taken. They're gone. Or they're gay and I'm not. Or I'm gay and they're not. Right? It's not true. It's just not true. But the story controls what you're willing to do or not do, because it's a belief, and beliefs control actions, right? So even if you have the right strategy, if your story doesn't support it. Have you ever been with somebody and you were, let's say, trying to help them, and you've got lots of skill, and so you're showing, hey, here's what you can do to take on small businesses and build a real mini empire for yourself, right? And you can do it with businesses people aren't competing you for. And you can earn great cash flow. And it's not sexy, but it's very successful. Let me show you how. And you could put all that in front of them and they'll just like, not. It's like, no, you know, I just know that's not going to happen. It just won't work for me. Say no. No, look, I can show you. I've done it. No, it doesn't work for me. And the more you push on them, then they get more irritated. And the reason they're irritated is they want to hang on to their story. Because the deepest fear everybody has, everyone has kings I've dealt with in Queens, you know, Academy Award winners, Grammy winners, you know, winners of the NFL greatest, the greatest players in history. Everybody has a fear at some point that they're not enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not attractive enough, you know, not playful enough, not something enough. And the deeper fear we have is if we're not enough we won't be loved. And love is really. It's like the heartbeat of the soul, right? It's the essence, it's the oxygen of your soul. So people come up with a story so they can explain. It's not that I'm not enough, it's just I have adhd. Well. So did you know Sir Richard Branson? He's done quite well. Don't confuse me with the facts. So the story, no matter how good and clear the strategy. And you do a fantastic job, I want to say, on the air. I went through your book and I just thought you made it so clear for people. And I would be doing this myself if I wasn't already as advanced as I've done in terms of size of businesses I was looking to start. It's a great way to do it. And in fact, I remembered it now. When I was really like 18, I went to a guy's course called Bizarre Financing, and it was all about how to build these small businesses. Right. But I think you've done a more thorough job. But the point is, they're not going to do it if they don't have the right belief structure. Right? So you have to divorce your limitations and marry the truth of your unlimited ability. Now, some people get a divorce and then they go visit their divorcee on a regular basis. It's not a good idea. You have to just cut it off and no longer go there. You have to tap into the truth. You know, as corny as it sounds, the truth will set you free. But for most people, they don't have someone to really do that to them. That's what I do. I create environments where that happens. But there is something before that, and that is the first s the one you should start with. But most people rarely even get to. And that is your state. If you're going to have a breakthrough, it comes from your state. You can think of that as energy, vitality, strength, mental energy, mental fitness. Right. All that really means is your mental emotional state affects the way you perceive everything in life. Have you ever been pissed off at somebody and then you suddenly can remember everything that they ever did that pissed you off?

[Interviewer]

Of course not ever.

[Tony Robbins]

And when you're in love, what's wrong with life if you fall totally in love?

[Interviewer]

Not a damn thing.

[Tony Robbins]

Nothing's wrong.

[Interviewer]

We're broke.

[Tony Robbins]

It doesn't matter. We're in love. Right? So your state controls your story. Your story and your state control whether you do anything. If no one showed you how to get the strategy, you'd Figure out the strategy. You'd find the way. You'd make the. With the right state. So all the work I've done most of my life, I realized, was start with a state. Because everywhere else you're starting, you know, you could teach them the best tools in the world. They won't follow through. If I start with a store, it's easy to shift their belief, and then I can teach them the tools. But if you don't do it in that order, people get very, very frustrated. If you do it in that order, it becomes very, very easy. Like, for example, think about this. Somebody says to you, okay, I know, I gotta go on a diet. I gotta exercise. I'm gonna do it. I'm really gonna do it. Is it gonna happen? No, it's not gonna happen in a million years. Because the state they're in. Most people are trying to get themselves to do something, and what they don't understand is what you do is based on your state. And what do you think is harder? For example, dieting or fasting?

[Interviewer]

Dieting, yes.

[Tony Robbins]

Very much so.

[Interviewer]

Absolutism. Because fasting is absolute. You just don't do it. Dieting is like a rule by attrition.

[Tony Robbins]

You know, we're gonna have this. No, I'm having water. That's in nothing, right?

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So if you get to that place, that mindset, which is total resolve, that's what it takes to fast in a state of resolve. It's easy. When you're dieting, you're saying, well, could I do that? What if I could do that? You're negotiating. Negotiation with yourself makes you weak. So the right state, you'll get the right behavior, you'll get the right story, and you'll find the right strategies. And so my focus is first there. And I still do all three, but that's where I go first.

[Interviewer]

That's so good. You know, it was funny because I was talking to some of our mutual friends, and one of them was like, you should ask him something that you need to change. Like, get a little vulnerable.

[Tony Robbins]

Sure.

[Interviewer]

And I was like, God, he's seen all the things. You know, I remember watching. I am not your guru back in the day. And you just like, you know, a woman's life, you just. I don't know what sort of crazy Tony Robbins magic, but you just, like, magicked her.

[Tony Robbins]

And.

[Interviewer]

And I thought about it. I'm a pretty disciplined individual in a lot of ways. But for instance, like, small things this time of year, like, I will say, no, no, I'm definitely Not having multiple glasses of red wine and that bread and then I will do it. But in your mind, the formula, does it just go absolutes? So like, is my next step just okay, Cody, no red wine ever, no bread? Or I have to say it when I'm jumping on a trampoline or I have to say when I'm excited. Like, how do I tactically change?

[Tony Robbins]

Well, you have to change that. You need stronger reasons, honey. You don't have strong enough reasons to fall through. So your reasons in the moment, it's like decision making. Why are most people supposedly make a decision and then they don't follow through? They used to fascinate me too. And what I began to realize is a couple things. Number one, most people don't make a lot of decisions, so they have kind of weak decision making muscles. I don't know if you've ever been around somebody at dinner at a restaurant and there's a person who's always the last one and they still can't decide and the waiter, waitress is about to lose it and then they finally decide, right?

[Interviewer]

Yes, I never hire them. That's actually it.

[Tony Robbins]

Never hired them in a million years. However, the reason they're not making a decision is they want to make the right decision. Always. They want to do the right thing. But perfection doesn't exist. It's just not there. So if you look at decision making, I remember I met General Norman Schwarzkopf who, you know, did the original Desert Storm group. And I remember asking him, we were talking about leadership and what's the most important thing in leadership? And he said, decision making. And I said, well, how do you make tough decisions? He goes, that's what you're paid for. Any idiot can make the easy decision. What makes you a leader is big decisions. He said, but to get those big decisions done, you have to have strong enough reasons to follow through or it won't happen. He says if you don't come up with the reasons, the decision doesn't last. And he told me a story I'll never forget. He said that he was a private working for a general and the general was one of the most powerful. I think he was a four star general, a three star general at the Pentagon and very influential man to say the least. And Pentagon had wrestled with a decision, a strategic decision for the Pentagon as a whole for almost 10 years. And they had people that argued on both sides pretty powerfully, so much so that no one could decide. And so they set a date where they're going to finally make A decision, no matter what, and the general's going to make it. And so the Schwarzkopf was the private, and he had five other guys. Their job was to accumulate all this information from both sides, which he said literally filled almost half a room, and try to bring that down to like six binders. The general could go through and really understand both sides of the issue. Well, as they're doing the coalition trying to go through this, which were completely behind. He said he was getting so scared. And then the generals called out with an emergency and he had to leave and didn't come back until literally the night before the decision making process. And so he has no preparatory materials. And he said, I didn't know what the hell to do. I gave the general stuff, but I knew he couldn't possibly do it. Resolve these. Should I cancel the meeting? He said, no, bring the meeting. He had the meeting. He said, okay, give me side number one. He said, you have 20 minutes. Give me side number two. You have 20 minutes. And when they're done, they stood up and he said, do that one. And they all went, that's General. And they saluted, left the room. But the story's interesting part was Schwarzkopf as a private, is thinking he couldn't possibly know what was the right decision to make that decision. This is insane. And he was so stressed about it that he worked up all his courage, knocked on the journal's door and said, permission to speak freely, sir? He goes, at ease, General, I know you couldn't possibly review materials. We couldn't even get you all the materials that are there. You just made a decision that determines the direction of the Pentagon. No one can make that decision for 10 years. You just did it. He goes, that's right. When putting command, take charge, he said, make a decision. He goes, but, General, you didn't have enough information. He goes, there was too much information. He said, both sides have been arguing for 10 years. Here's what I know. Whatever decision I made, it'll be right, it'll be wrong. If it's wrong, we'll find out quicker. It won't take us 10 years, and we can change our approach. If it's right, we'll be on the right track and we'll move forward immediately. Decisions need to be made. And I thought, what a great approach, right? So later I started studying and I was like, I think decisions have three parts. So when you go to yours, you decide not to drink or decide to drink. Only so many of these elements drinks. Right decision can feel a little Bit like a war. I'm going to do this. I get myself to do this, you know, all right, I'm going to do it. Right. But it's a three part process and that's what people don't understand. If you decide, that's all you do, you're making a decision in the moment. You meant it when you made that decision to yourself, wouldn't you say?

[Interviewer]

Sure.

[Tony Robbins]

So what happened later on, you're in a different environment, right? You've not taken the moment and pushed it into the future. What takes that moment pushed in the computer is if while you're in that moment you did something that commit you to follow through where there are consequences if you didn't, significant consequences, right. That's what the general does, right? So you look at this and go, okay, I say I want to do this, but do I got enough reasons? Is this really that important to me? Because if it's not, I want to bullshit myself. I'm not here to lie to myself. If I'm really going to do it, then here's my absolute commitment for the next 30 days. And this is what it costs me if it doesn't. Right. And this is what I get, this is why I want to do it. So it's not just a moving away from approach. But I always tell people, never leave the side of making a decision without doing something that commits you to follow through later on. Because you're going to be in a different state. State again, right. And you're going to make a different decision in that different state at that party that's there. But there's a third step that most people never get to. It's resolve. So think about what does it mean to you to decide? Tell me what it means to you to decide. What's that feeling when you decide?

[Interviewer]

It's forward momentum.

[Tony Robbins]

Okay. It's a chance to.

[Interviewer]

What does it mean to commit, to not go back? You know, there's an anti instead of.

[Tony Robbins]

A pro now you put a line in the sand that's beyond just this moment. And you've taken what's in the moment, taken it forward. What does it mean to you to resolve?

[Interviewer]

Like no matter what we're going to do, we're going to execute on this.

[Tony Robbins]

That's right. Resolve means it's already done. You say something's resolved, it's already done. It's done in you. So it's going to be done in the world. And what resolve brings an interesting emotion. Decision making can be a little battle. Commitment can feel like having to use some force. But resolve brings peace. And then it's like, even if things don't go the way I want, even if it changes here or there, I've resolved. This is how it is. So I want you to think of a decision you've made that you did keep your word on. That was a difficult decision, because the alcohol one's not that difficult. Right. I bet you've had some much more difficult decisions you've kept. Definitely. Can you tell me what.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, I mean, I'm divorced and remarried, so I remember when I was going through my divorce or when I was going through my not so happy marriage, the first time, I couldn't make a decision on doing it. And so I said, I'm going to put a date on a calendar. And by that date, I will have done the actions I think will, you know, go to therapy, have lots of conversations, attempt to resolve it. But if I can't, that will be my date. And by then I will tell him and we will commit.

[Tony Robbins]

So listen to what your language is. You decided, and in that day, you decided, you also committed. You committed to what had to happen in the future by a certain date, by a certain time, what was going to occur.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Did you get to resolve?

[Interviewer]

I did.

[Tony Robbins]

When did resolve happen? It happened that day or later?

[Interviewer]

No, it happened that day.

[Tony Robbins]

So did you feel. What did you feel inside when you resolved it?

[Interviewer]

Peace.

[Tony Robbins]

Peace.

[Interviewer]

Sadness, but peace.

[Tony Robbins]

I understand ending something is always sad, but. Yeah. One of the rules of life that most people are upset about that they don't take. It's a given in life is everything ends. Right. Everything changes. But my view is. And something new begins. Yeah, right. It's like the call. It's the call of adventure. When you know the hero's journey, it's there. So I think you either have to decide and commit, ideally, resolve, or not kid yourself about it because it may not be that important to you. Yeah, it's a great point. It's like you might be doing, you know, virtue signaling to yourself. It doesn't sound like you told anybody else, but that's. People do that too. They don't just virtual signals, stupidly, on social media. They do it to themselves.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. You know, it's fascinating you say that. My husband is a former Navy seal, and so he is so committed.

[Tony Robbins]

Resolve.

[Interviewer]

He does. And one thing that he's taught me lately that has helped the last couple of years is if we. If we make a decision and we are committed to it, he does a thing that now I have a Word for it, I guess, which is this idea of commitment and resolve. He'll say, like, for instance, we had something we wanted to do. And he was like, okay, well, what are you going to do if you don't hit that goal? And I said, I don't know. What do you want me to do? What's on the table? We put in cash and put it. He was like, that's not big enough. And he's like, it not only has to be cash, which would bother you, but something that would bother you so much that you're not going to execute.

[Tony Robbins]

That's right.

[Interviewer]

And so he's like, so if you don't execute on this, I'm going to put. We're going to write a check. And on the check you're going to put $10,000 and you're going to say, Democratic Socialist Party of America. And if you don't do this, I'm sending the check with your name on it. You're going to be on the donor list. And I was like, oh, no, now I'm really in it and I have to commit to this. And so now I have a framework. But it's. You know, what's fascinating about you is these little small things in life aren't so small. They accumulate to everything in life. It's this compounding effect.

[Tony Robbins]

Decision making, I think, is one of the top five skills in life.

[Interviewer]

What are the other four?

[Tony Robbins]

I wouldn't lock them in. I'd say managing your state is one of the most important. I think how to build relationship is certainly one of the most important. Your capacity to create a vision for your life is extremely important. Moving from being a manager to a creator is extremely important. Most people are managing their lives. They're. They're making a living. They're not designing their life or, you know, even in business. Part of what helps you grow in business is when you stop becoming a manager. Managers, all we want to know techniques. And by the way, I have plenty of techniques I've learned over the years, but I'm much more interested this stage of my life and what is behind the technique that makes somebody follow through. Right. Techniques are cute and they might work, but then eventually the technique becomes your new toy that will become your new limitation. Right. So I think it's important to look for what's behind it all. If you shift what's behind all, you shift everything. Right? That's my focus.

[Interviewer]

Do you ever not keep promises to yourself? Now, that's a great question.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes, there's one that I've not kept to myself to be honest. It's the only one I can think of. I don't know that I promised myself. Honestly, that's the truth. And that is, you know, I'd slow my schedule down.

[Interviewer]

You're not keeping that. I know that for a fact.

[Tony Robbins]

No, you can tell by my voice. No, I've not kept that promise. But honestly, it's like I get a phone call last night from a dear friend of mine and he's got a friend that's suicidal in the middle of the night. And it's like I get these calls every day. Somebody's got cancer, somebody's got whatever. And I have such a database of businesses and relationships in the health area and the relationship area and the business area and the finance area and the emotional well being area that I find myself called. And so then I end up being up for two and a half hours help this stranger not do those things. And so what? My wife and I are going to have a meeting this next week and I'm going to have to take it from decide to commit to resolve because I think I decided, but I didn't really commit and resolve because I'm so called. That's the thing too. It's like people have different ways of motivating themselves. I've never been a motivator. I don't even like the term. Motivation is a good thing. It's like a warm bath or shower. You should probably have one every day, but it's not enough. Right? You need strategy, you need follow through. But what I'm really interested in is like what's deeper than that? What's the inner drive in that? And when I look around at what's happening in people's lives and I say what you can think of it as this way you can think of there's like, let's say pull motivation and push motivation. Push is what most people use. I'm going to push myself through and I'm going to make this happen. Well, that takes enormous, you know, I would say, you know, inner strength. And you clearly have that. I clearly have that inner drive. But. But everybody's only got so much of that right. What's unlimited is pull motivation, pull drive. That's something that is something you care about more than yourself. So much more than yourself that it's not effortful. It gives you an energy that's also almost feels superhuman to other people. And it's because you know, this is what you're made for. And when you find that, you know, it's been said before, you know, the two most important days of your life, of the day that you're born in, the day you discover what you're born for. Right. I know what I'm born for. And so changing that in my life and saying I'm not going to do that. I have to find somewhere in between the two. I have to find what I am willing to commit to in that process. Well, that's interesting. My first response in my head was no, of course I keep my word to myself for everything. And the probably still is true because my word to myself is I will always show up when it matters most for people.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, you almost have like a higher priority than you've even realized above the sub priority. Well it's, you know, it's so timely because you're having an event in January and I really wanted to go to, I was going to go to your last event and we're in the mixture of mix of all this fertility stuff and so it's.

[Tony Robbins]

Oh, I understand.

[Interviewer]

It's one of the first times where I haven't been able to keep my word as often as I'm used to to other people and it's out of my control. For the first time I understand. Owning a business is incredible until a slip on site or a pissed off client or a tiny mistake turns into a very expensive problem. If you're not covered, that can actually wipe out months, even years of work. That's why smart owners use NEXT Insurance. It's coverage built specifically for small businesses. All, all online, all instant. So no paperwork, no waiting, no corporate run around nonsense. Whether you run a cleaning crew, a fitness studio or a business you bought on Main Street NEXT keeps you protected so you can keep building. Taking risk is part of the game. Being protected is how you win it. Head to Next Insurance.com Cody and check them out. I love the idea of this event because you know, new year, new you, there are all these things around this time of year.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

But we don't actually keep our promises opposites to ourselves for the most part. And one of the ways that I in the beginning maybe thought of you was like, oh it's, it's positive, positive thinking. We have to positive think. And that is actually the opposite.

[Tony Robbins]

No, I don't even believe. I believe. I don't believe in negative thinking. Doesn't help you. I believe you need to find what's true. And I don't believe you should go to your garden and there's weeds there. So you chant there's no ways there's no weeds and no weeds. You know, it's like no reach down and grab the weeds, right? You got to see what's real. You got to see it as is, but also not see it worse than it is. Most people see it worse than it is because they're afraid of failing. So then they don't try, right? And then you got to see it better than it is because without a vision, people perish, right? You have to have a vision and then you got to make it that way. And that's where the strategy comes in, right? So that's how I look at it. But no, I'm not. I've never been into positive thinking per se. When they did the secret, they came to me to be part of secret. I said, I will not participate in a million years. This is bullshit. So you're saying the law of attraction is bullshit? I said, no law of attraction is real. It's one of dozens, dozens of laws. And you're saying that's the whole game. And I remember this guy was saying, yeah, but I was coming here to talk with you about this. And he said, and I was running late and I thought green, green, green. And I got all green lights. I said, what's going to happen when you're coming to see me and you get all red lights? You can see you're thinking about it. Are you telling me some person who was in Alcatraz was there or not Alcatraz but in Germany in a concentration camp, that they were just a negative thinker? Sometimes not getting what you want is what the universe or God wants for you. So you develop lessons, skills, muscles, strengths, caring that you wouldn't have had without it. So it's not just that. There's things like capabilities, there's like skill sets. You can't do that. So no, I was revolted against that. And I watched it go like this and of course crash. Because everybody wants the over simplistic view of life, but they won't get you results. Just thinking positive is not going to do it. Thinking negative will certainly hurt your life. But that's not the full gig.

[Interviewer]

No. No matter how bad I want it, if I go try to one on one, you on that basketball court, I don't think I win it. You got like just a tiny few inches more than I do. But it's important because these days I live in Austin, Texas, and there is so much you know. If you think it, you will get it. And if you rub this crystal. I brought a crystal. I like a crystal But I still don't think it's going to fix everything for me.

[Tony Robbins]

No, no, I mean, listen, I think all the I think thoughts are real. And whatever you think about consistently, you tend to manifest in your life. But there are other things beyond just that. One force of what you want and to think otherwise is think you're the center of the universe. Which is absurd to me, right? If that was true, why wouldn't we just get whatever we want immediately? Well, because you'd be spoiled rotten. You wouldn't care about anything or anyone. I mean, think about it. When you were born, what'd you have to do to be loved?

[Interviewer]

Nothing.

[Tony Robbins]

Nothing. Scream, yell, go to the bathroom in your pants, throw up all of your mom or your dad, you're still loved, right? But there was a day when that stopped. And that's the day that fear entered your body. That's the day you try to figure out what to do so you would. Because, you know, to survive, you need love. Love is where someone puts their needs aside for yours, right? Then as humans, we're like different than other animals. Some animals, there's eggs crack and you never see a mother and father. But you have some competitive advantage. You have horns, you have teeth, you have camouflage, right? Our competitive advantage is love. And so our capacity to feel that caring allows us to connect, allows us to work with the other, allows us to expand beyond what other people can possibly do. And so I look at it and say, okay, if this is our capacity, why is it that we have this unconditional love in the beginning and everybody pursues it for the rest of their life and rarely feels it? Because if you're unconditional love forever, you never grow, you never bring anything to the world. It'll all be about me, me, me, just like ridiculous. So you have to grow up and realize life's not about you, it's about we. And the more you contribute, the better. Business is a spiritual game. This is a perfect example. Every religion on earth has some version of love thy neighbor, like thyself, different versions of it, but a version of that principle within it, right? Karma, whatever you want to call it when you fall in love with your client. Not just fall in love with your customer, your, I should say your product or service, that's going to change. Fall in love with your client and you're trying to do everything can to meet their needs and you turn them into a raving fan and you love on them and you think constantly about meeting their needs, like a mom does their kid, or like A best friend does for somebody they really care about. You're going to grow in business. You're going to grow anything that you do. But we're not meant to just have unconditional love, because then we wouldn't grow, right? We need to grow. We need to expand. And so otherwise, all these stupid thoughts like, oh, I'm just going to think and it's going to happen and be there. Plus, if you went to Vegas, what's the worst thing to happen if you go to Vegas?

[Interviewer]

Well, in this case, maybe lose all your money.

[Tony Robbins]

No, the worst thing that can happen is Wynn.

[Interviewer]

Oh, interesting. Of course.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes. Then you think Steve wins. A good friend of mine, he built most of Las Vegas. I was with him one day, and this guy won a $10 million jackpot. And Steve is a very tight guy in finance, right? Very tight guy. Like, he knows what every one of his retailers is doing, and he wants the maximum dollar for each one. And Louis Vuitton wasn't paying him enough, he'd get very upset. I'm like, you're doing quite fine, right? He says, no, I want to. But when a person won, I saw none of that. So I finally said, steve, usually you're pretty uptight about something. Like, he goes, no, Tony, don't. You know, you see all the people around him, see all the pictures. That guy will come back for the rest of his life. But so all these other people, he goes, the odds are my odds. He goes, that makes me money. I'm in it for the long game. That's how it works here. But if you went to Vegas and let's say you pulled one of those warning bandits and you get the jackpot, what was your response going to be?

[Interviewer]

Sweet.

[Tony Robbins]

Awesome. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Second time, probably less excited, but still excited 100 times.

[Tony Robbins]

Every time you get the same victory. Now, it's called a job.

[Interviewer]

That's fascinating.

[Tony Robbins]

So we need jackpots in our life to make us feel alive. If you got everything you wanted, every moment, you'd be bored out of your mind.

[Interviewer]

It's such a good point. What's interesting about you is, you know, I think a lot of people struggle with people pleasing, right? And, you know, maybe they try to do things that other people think will make them likable. You seem to do the opposite. Like, you are so comfortable pushing buttons, saying hard truths, and at least what I've seen publicly kind of pushing people out of their comfort zone.

[Tony Robbins]

And I know they don't do that till they first know how much I care. I earned that right. They see that I don't just come in like a jerk and go, this. This.

[Interviewer]

Because I really do that way.

[Tony Robbins]

But.

[Interviewer]

But I think that's scary for people, even though I do believe a lot of times that's what we need. We need, like Chris, my husband calls it, but a benevolent bully, you know, somebody to push you like you need it.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Have you always been like that, or how did you learn to push people the way they needed to?

[Tony Robbins]

No, I was a. I was more of a pleaser growing up. You know, everyone has a dominant force in their life. My mom was the dominant force, and she was a. I had four different fathers, so she was the dominant force. As you might guess, she was quite a force of nature. Got rid of them one after another, and. And I learned to please her. Or I was. You know, it was quite physical with her. And I was 5:1 in high school. And then even when I grew 10 inches in a year, I learned to bend my hair down so you can grab my hair and smack me against the wall. She was a beautiful woman. I want to give you the wrong impression. She was as loving as you could be, but she abused, you know, alcohol and prescription drugs. And when you put those two together, you become a different personality. So I had to work out in my head, how do you deal with someone whose love you crave the most, who's trying to harm you but, you know, loves you? You know, and so rather than go through the whole victim bullshit, I just. There's not any part of me that's ever been a victim. It's like, okay, she's wired with pain. And I got to figure out how to. Basically, I became a practical psychologist because of her. I had to figure out how to manage her states, her emotions, so I could protect my younger brother's five years younger, the younger sister, seven years younger. And I got really good at it, as I had to be. But then also with women in my life and relationship, in the beginning, it was all pleasing all the time, which is the woman, I'm sure. You know, it's probably why he married a Navy seal. Having a pleaser doesn't please a woman. Men are confused by that. They're like, she wants me to please him. Yeah, she wants to be pleased, but she doesn't want you to be a pleaser. What the f does that mean? Right. So I learned that lesson. But even during that time when I still have to serve someone, I'm there to serve someone. So if I will, at the end of an intervention. Well, you saw I'm not your guru. There was a moment there where I was working with a young woman who was part of this cult where they raped children and said it was for God. And, you know, she was in such a horrible place. And so I did this work and it's like I feel like God comes through me in those moments. I'm not trying to be overly dramatic, but as you say, it looks like magic and it's different every time. And so afterwards, this group pushed on the wall, pushed on the door, and I was like, after those things are done, very often I can't show any emotion then because I'm there with them. If I fully feel what they're feeling, I can't help them. But I am feeling it inside. I put it in a box and then I go to the back room there. And then I just start bawling for what this woman Been through. Seem thinking now. It makes me emotional thinking about it. And the guys that were doing the show said, no, we have direct access. And they open the doors and you see me there crying and. But it's because, you know, this is what I'm made for. It's like, I hate suffering. Hate see anyone suffer. And so I am unbelievably committed to end suffering any way I can. But I also know my own suffering will not help that person who's suffering. So I need a call to a higher part of them. And I can do it in multiple ways. I can do it with humor, I can do it with intensity, I can do it with fun, I can do it being weird, but I will find the way to get them there. And it's different every time. And that's my art, you know, that's where you can call it the universe. I call it God comes through you because you're trying to serve something more than yourself. You get different insights. If you're just trying to serve yourself, you have a certain level of insight. If you've got a family you care about, you're trying to serve your family, you get a different level of insight, you know, trying to serve, you know, a community, you know, the world. I don't mean virtue signaling bullshit. I mean, like, you know, what's in your heart, the level of insights that are given to me that I can't possibly know about a person while they're standing there. Like, people think there's. There's a script backstage or someone. People come up, even the guys are filming. So they went, do you have like an earpiece or something? I was like, what Are you talking about? They came and literally checked. See, if I didn't say, how could you know that about her? And I was like, I just knew, you know, I just knew immediately. So the emotion I go through is enormous. It's not like I'm just cold and this is how it is. And usually by the end of it, the person feels very loved and very taken care of. They have the breakthrough that they're looking for. But, you know, I had this conversation with Oprah one day. Women are so abused by our society. When I say abused, I don't want to just be derogatory, but you know, women are put in this image of who they're supposed to look like, be like, act like. And women to me are unbelievable. You're about to be a mom. There's another part of you that'll come alive when you're a mom. It's unbelievable what women do. Other kids don't know it and don't understand it is mind boggling to me. But to be a mom and a business person and to be a lover and to be a husband or wife and all those things at one time, it takes just unbelievable energy, strength and so forth. And when I see what happens with women generalizing about themselves like I'm just a homemaker or something, makes me crazy. But the one thing women have if a woman isn't super attractive is they have support. Men don't have that. Men don't go share their feelings. We're going to go talk about our relationships, right? I remember we were having a program in Mexico and this woman was saying, you were with your friend and you know, you know, he got divorced and you don't know if he's dating. You know, he says, we played golf. And she goes, and it didn't come up. He goes, how would it come up? You know, and she was just like stunned because she thinks how a woman would think versus how a man's brain would think, right? And so I say this because I was telling Oprah, I said one of the beautiful things about the sisterhood. If a woman's really attractive, sometimes there's backbiting and there's the opposite. There's not the support, there's just tremendous support. Women share their problems. Men don't share their problems. Men's job is to solve a problem. And then you get with a woman in your life and you want to solve it for them. In the man's world, the more you solve problems, the more you move up the hierarchy of being a man in a Woman's world. No, you share your problems so you can connect and feel for the person. Right? And you want to stay with it and so forth. So what happens with that is it's actually good for a feeling of support, but it does not create breakthroughs because women will support other women in terrible, terrible beliefs, terrible states. Terrible. They have a terrible relationship, and they talk to two other women who have a terrible relationship about how. What they should do, the relationship. And no, it's all him. It's. No, no, it's. No matter how thin you slice it, there's two sides. There's him and there's you. Right? And so I was doing an event one time for 5000 Women in Radio Music hall for Oprah. It was all women. I never heard that high a pitch of sounds in my entire life in one room. And she said, okay, why don't you do an intervention like this? I said, well, Oprah, interventions can take 15 minutes. They can take an hour. I go and tell. It takes two hours. She goes, we don't have that. I said, I know. And you're doing this program live. She goes, well, I think you could do it in the timeline. I said, okay. But I said, I also have to be willing to do whatever it takes because of course, of course. And I already had this conversation with her about, you can't support women just in their limitations. If you really care about them, you got to call truth. You can still be supportive. And so this woman stands up and she talks about how she's lost her business because of 9 11, and she's not been able to build it because of her husband and her kids, and she's 110 pounds overweight. It's because they all demand something from her every moment. Now I'm a lover of women. Like, I think women are. No man on this planet got here without a woman. I mean, women who risked her life for you to be here. That's my core belief about women. I hold women like this. But this is bullshit, right? I got plenty of friends that had in the building 9 11. Their business didn't go under. So it's not 911 that did it. Right? And your husband didn't make you 110 pounds, nor did your children. And so everything she's saying is a lie. And the women around her are like, ooh, ooh. I'm surrounded by 5,000 women. I go, effort. I can't do this. I can't not do this. I said, now what you just told me is total, absolute bullshit. And the whole room went. It was like, shock. And then there's sounds, and I'm like, I'm not being mean, but if you want transformation, if you want to change your life, you cannot do it by blaming everybody else for what you've done. 911 is a horrific thing. I'm sure it massively interrupted your business. But she wasn't even in the building. She wasn't even close to the building. I said, this is not why your business went under. You're making excuses. And I'm saying this because I care. Excuses will only hurt you. And right now, you don't have a relationship with your husband, clearly, by the way you're talking about, you don't need a relationship with your kids. And that's another reason why you're probably 110 pounds overweight. You're bearing your emotion with food, right? And then all of a sudden, there started to be some sounds. And then Oprah says, and she's behind me about, you know, like 50 yards. It's a giant building, right? She goes, but, Tony. But, Tony. But to be fair. And I snap back and I looked at her like this. I'll never forget, because I was in state. When I'm in state, you don't break my state, right? And she goes, oh, I'm doing that thing, aren't I? And I said, yes, you're doing that thing, right? So I had to go to a break, and I just kept working with her. By the time I was done and brought her back and got in a great place, and a year later, she was on Dr. Oz. She lost 115 pounds. She had a relationship back. She'd restarted a new business, right? So sometimes you got to do what's uncomfortable. And so, yes, I'm willing to do that, to have someone's life changed, because otherwise you're just making yourself feel good. I can make myself feel good and her feel good and go, gosh, that's so horrible. I understand, and all those things. But f. That if you stood up. My belief is, if you stand up in my room, something's caused you to stand up. Some part of you wants transformation or you wouldn't be in my presence. And it's going to happen.

[Interviewer]

God, so true. I think that's one of the saddest things about what happened with sort of the PC ness of society today is that so many people feel like they can't say the thing that might actually help because it might hurt somebody's feelings.

[Tony Robbins]

Where do we get up this thing that you're not supposed to offend anybody. Here's a question for you. Can people be offended by anything if they want to be?

[Interviewer]

Yes. But I don't think that should change what I do because of it.

[Tony Robbins]

No, but I'm just saying. So anyone you can, who said, where do we come with this new magical rule? You're not supposed to offend anybody. If you're not gonna offend anybody, you're not gonna have any impact. You know, I think it was Emerson who said, you know, be nothing, do nothing, say nothing and create nothing. That's how you can be sure you're never attacked. Right? You know, I'm not willing to do that. I'm here on it. I've got a purpose. And of course some people are not going to understand it. People in my seminars do. That's why they're still there 12 hours later. You know, when they wouldn't sit for a three hour movie, they won't get up to go to the bathroom because they're watching real life as it's happening. It's more dramatic than anything you could write in a script because it's real. Because like even today reality television is bullshit. It's made up. Right. People know it. Fake. You feel when something's real and when something's real, you can relate to it and it calls to some part of you to be more real. And when we're vulnerable and we're real, we can change anything, but we try to soften it, you know, like use all the language. Yeah, pretty good. It's okay. All that kind of stuff. Those softeners keep you from getting to the place where you could actually have a transformation.

[Interviewer]

It's so true. Yeah. I got in trouble on the Internet a few weeks ago because I said I don't think you should cry in business meetings just because you can't express yourself fully. Like I, I think if you need to self regulate, like you could step out, whatever, but I don't think that you should have a belief that it will help you. And it is totally fine if you cry in business meetings. That is just not our society.

[Tony Robbins]

There's no crying in baseball.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, there's just not. And it's happened to me a few times and whatever. If you cry, I'm not gonna do you. I don't think it's gonna help your career.

[Tony Robbins]

But you didn't tell them they couldn't cry. Right? You just said that. I don't think it'll help you.

[Interviewer]

Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

And so you gotta tag for that, of course.

[Interviewer]

Of Course. Okay. I wanna play, like, a couple little games. One is, I hear that you like this pattern interrupt exercise. And this gives me anxiety to even ask you these questions. But, like, the idea is we give you a series of negative patterns and then you say how you would break free from them. And what I find fascinating about you is like you kind of just in the moment, already know the thing to.

[Tony Robbins]

Say to the person, right? You know, it has to be like, I need to know what's going on. But I'll give you some general things if you want, but.

[Interviewer]

Okay, well, let me give you some examples.

[Tony Robbins]

What would be a pattern up for you versus me versus another person is different based on your model of the world, right?

[Interviewer]

Interesting.

[Tony Robbins]

So it's like, you know what based on what you believe. And I figure that out very quickly when I'm doing an intervention with someone. And so I'll figure out what it is. If I know, for example, you value significance the most, then I might show you how by doing whatever it's costing you the significance. And I'll have leverage there. If you're driven by love, then I will use love as the metaphor. If you're driven by certainty, then I'll show you how it'll take away your certainty if you keep doing this right? So I'm looking for leverage. It's not just breaking a pattern. That's like a stupid technique, you know, that won't last. It has to be tied to something. There's an inner drive about. So we all have six needs. Human needs, certainty, Everybody has it. It's a survival need, because certainly you can be comfortable. Because if you're not comfortable, if you're in pain regularly, regular pain means damage. Regular damage equals death. So it's the base need for human beings. But if you're certain all the time, you're bored silly. So you need uncertainty, right? You need variety, you need surprise. We need significance. Our culture way overvalues significance today because of social media. That's like people, you know, put on filters and pretend they're different than they are. One of my buddies has his own gym, and he told me this the other day. I couldn't even believe it. He said on a daily basis, women, and sometimes men come in who are influencers because he's got a great gym, they lay out all the equipment, they take all these pictures and they leave. They don't work out a single ounce. When you're 27 to 32, you have to be an idiot to not be fit, right? I mean, it's like decent genetics and you can be fit, right? But they're making money off of it. They don't do anything. It's just about looking good, right? And then using their looking good to try to make money. So I mean that's gonna wear off for them unfortunately at some stage in their life, right? So it's like significance is overvalued. The need for connection. Love is the deepest need that people have. But most people want certain love and so they try to control the love and kills it. Or they want significant love. Like it's got to be the most significant thing. And then they get, they start to promote who they are more than they are because they think that's what's necessary and they're not truthful, right? And then we need to grow, we need to contribute. Those are the spiritual needs. If you don't grow, it doesn't. Your relationship's not growing. If a business is not growing, it's dying. There's, that's the law of life. Everything grows or dies. But also when you grow, then you have something to give. What makes people have a meaningful life is to feel like there's something beyond yourself. Because meeting your own basic needs, any idiot can do. You can lie to yourself and do that. You know, you can work just 12 hour days and do that. You can, there's a million ways you can meet those basic needs of certainty and uncertainty and significance and connection. At least not so much love. But when I look at people, I try to see what's driving them and then I know better which pattern up work. But go ahead and give me your list and I'll just give you some simplistic responses.

[Interviewer]

Can you tell right away after meeting somebody what their one of the six is, six knees.

[Tony Robbins]

I look to see what are their.

[Interviewer]

Top two and what if you know nothing about them?

[Tony Robbins]

I ask questions along the way.

[Interviewer]

You ask a lot of questions all the time.

[Tony Robbins]

One person counted one time I had a woman suicidal and a guy in the back who was a trainer was writing down. I asked 167 questions before I made one statement.

[Interviewer]

Whoa, fascinating. So you ask questions to figure it out. What about, you have a lot of businesses now and can you tell immediately if somebody is somebody you should partner with or not?

[Tony Robbins]

No, I can't tell immediately. I can get seduced because people put on their best behavior, they're going on a date, right? So I look at it this way. If I'm going to evaluate somebody, I have three questions. Same way you would have in your business or on A date, can they do the job? If I'm interviewing them in one of my companies, by the time it gets to me, of course they can do the job or I wouldn't be interviewing them. Right. Or if you were dating, can they do the job if you're dating them six months? Yeah, they can do it. The more important question is, can they do that job well long term? Right. Will they keep doing a great job? Because everyone does a great job in the beginning, right? And what determines that is, are their goals in alignment with the job? Right. So I used to. I remember years ago, we had a woman that worked for us for five years as our personal assistant, and we were traveling the world and we were pretty 24, 7. And you become part of our family, right? And we love her and still do. She's still a closest member of our family, but. But she fell in love with another of our employees and had a child, and so she needed to stay put, so we had to replace her. And so we went to the la, because we were living in California at the time, Southern California, went to the LA Personal Assistance Association. We went through five hires in five months, and none of them were even close to good. And they all sounded so good to start with. And then one day I realized we're fishing in the sewer. Who comes to LA to become a personal assistant? They don't come to become a personal assistant so they can help people, change the world, help a family. They come because I discovered they wanted my clientele. They want to talk to Quincy Jones in those days or Anthony Hopkins or slice the loan or, you know, whoever it was that I was dealing with at the time. And they would treat them like gold and treat all my other clients and friends like they were dirt, right? Including my wife, which. So I get rid of them. So I realized, you know, you've got to decide where are you going to find somebody who's more aligned with the job in their nature and in their goals, or. I have a friend that I bumped into in Fiji one time. I have a resort in Fiji, and my wife and I were flying commercial in those days still. And we, you know, you go through immigration, there's about five lines. I said, honey, why are we going this line here, it looks like it's fast. She goes, no, this line's faster. I said, look, honey, this is actually faster. He goes, I think this one's faster. I said, fine, you go in that line, I'll go in this line. And we play these silly games. We're going to race so we're going back and forth. I'm ahead, then she's ahead, you know, back and forth. We're being silly. And this man hears my voice because I said that to my wife. And he goes, tony. And I turn around and look, and it's this guy. I hadn't seen him in about nine years. Brilliant businessman. And I said, what are you doing here? He goes, what are you doing here? I said, well, I'm here with my wife. You know, I have a resort here. I'm here to take a few weeks off. And he said, you resort here? I said, yeah. I said, where are you going? He told me. I said, oh, too bad. We're the number one resort. I teased him. I said, but what are you here for? He goes, I just got married. I said, again, it was his third marriage. He goes, yeah. And I said, well, where's your bride? She was standing next to Sage, and they were doing the same thing we were doing. So, you know, you're in the line. And I said, so how long have you known her? I'm talking to you. What, seven, eight years ago? Yeah, probably just a little bit of last time I saw her, probably seven years. So, you know. Seven years, you're just now getting married? I said, how come? He goes, she wore me down. And I thought, oh. So then quickly, I'm trying to change the conversation in my head. I'm like, well, are you gonna have kids? He goes, tony, you know, I've had two families before this. I went through all of that. I lost all my money twice. We are not. I said, well, I looked across, and this woman's like 29 years old. He's 48. I said, have you had a discussion about this? He goes, yes, that was my deal. If we get married, no kids. I'm thinking, oh, my God. He's in for a rough ride. So we get to the front, we introduce each other's spouses, and they go off. And I look at my wife, and she looks at me, and I go, they're in trouble. She goes, oh, you have no idea. I said, I think I did. What'd you learn? What'd you learn? She told him, yeah, he thinks we're not going to have a kids we'll have within two years. And they did, and he got divorced for a third time. The problem is they didn't have their goals aligned. You don't have to have all your goals aligned, but a major issue is, like a child or not. It's got to be aligned or you're not going to sustain that relationship. So whether it's a business or whether I use business because it's easier to modulate in your head, right? Or a relationship, it's the critical element there. And then the last part is the right team fit in a business. You can relate to this. I'm sure all those businesses you run, you know, you can have somebody's a superstar, but they're the wrong team fit. They rub against everybody else, they piss everybody else off. And maybe they're like your top salesperson or your top marketing person, your top whatever, and you don't want to get rid of them because, man, they bring in a lot of revenue, but unless you do, they'll destroy your business. They've always said, you know, it's not the person you fail to hire, it's the person you fail to fire that destroys your business. And so I'm a big believer in testing. Now, one of the things I do with partnerships today, just as a little clue, I shared this Patrick David the other day and I didn't realize how important he thought it was. And I was like, I guess it really is. He said, because I've been through so many rough ones, I said I was too. But what I do is a full background check on everyone now. And it saves me enormous amount. I tell them up front, listen, I'm open book, please do a full background check. Everything on me that you want to check. But I don't go into any partnerships without a full background check. It's not out of disrespect, it's out of respect so that we know. And if there's anything that you want to share with us or anything comes up that you think is inappropriate, you can share it with me. I'll give you the report and so forth. Well, the panic you see in some people's eyes, then the tightening in some people, and then the people like, no, it's totally fine, and then you get the report and then they never call you back. I mean, I have saved myself so much money, time and energy by having that one investment in a long term relationship up front.

[Interviewer]

So smart. I wish I would have done that earlier on. Although I think some of the biggest partnership mistakes I made were cheap in retrospect. Like, they were painful. But you're like, I needed to lose that money, I needed to lose that relationship or I would have kept having the same pattern.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, there's always a benefit, but as the years go by, you'll probably be less tolerant of having those things happen. True.

[Interviewer]

Well, it's heartbreaking, I think, because the partnerships, you know, I remember one in particular. I thought we were buddies. You know, I was like, I've been there.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Like, I met your baby. I thought we were best buds. And, you know, there was one instance where they kind of targeted me. I was on the Internet, and I didn't realize there was this type of human that, you know, I guess there are predators everywhere. And so then I had to realize, where am I short in my analysis of people?

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Interviewer]

And how did I sell myself on what I wanted instead of what was in front of me?

[Tony Robbins]

Most of my most important skills came from some early mistakes with people, one of which I had two partners, and I brought them on board and made a deal with them that was ridiculously good for them, but it was based still on some results. And they absolutely stole $758,000, 250,000 to $758,000, and put me in debt. 758,000. My company was doing a million, so not billions. A million, right. So it was like all the money I knew, and I'd been on the road 225 days, and everybody told me, I have to go bankrupt. And I wanted to kill this guy. He fled to Mexico, and I realized, well, I'm chasing him in Mexico. My business is going to go under. So I went to Fiji, and I was like, I was so angry at him. But I said, no, who I'm most angry with is me, because how did I not see this? Right? I don't care how good he presented. Was it about human behavior? I don't fully understand. And I was second day in Fiji in this sweaty little hut. And I went to sleep with that thought, just burning thought. I woke up the next morning and I wrote literally for six straight hours and filled up three journals. All these distinctions I made. And I created my Date with Destiny program because I did it to me. That's my favorite program. It's the only seminar I've been through because I did it for me, changed everything, rewired me so that, you know, sometimes you have values that pull you apart. You know, like, you want to please everybody, and you want to be as successful as you can. You want to be totally honest, and you want everybody totally happy, right? And I learned how to align my values so that I was pulled instead of having to push or being pulled in different directions. And was the most first time in my life I felt calm. And everybody around me is like, you're so different. It was like a rewiring for myself. So I agree with you. Sometimes your biggest mistakes, if you learn from them, are the most important ones. But I don't want to make the same mistakes. And so I look for systems to help with that as well.

[Interviewer]

You have a program coming up in January, that's time to rise Summit. I've never been to this one before. Yes, I want to hear about it. And I also want to hear about how you prepare for these shows that you do, because I hear you obsessively prepare, even to this day for the shows you put on. Is that true?

[Tony Robbins]

That's true. I just, I believe in overloading my brain because I never know what's going to happen. Like, because I don't just do a rote talk, right? I sometimes I'll prepare everything and then I go out into the audience and I think feel different things. I see people, I see where they are and I have to adjust also. Could you imagine this will be my 49th year, I'm about to begin, so I would be bored out of my brain if I was just doing the exact thing. Now, I know there's certain things that work and what to do, but I have to be able to adapt, to feel alive and do art. And art is something that's different every time. It's not the same. And it's also what challenges me. So I feed my brain everything I can and then I trust when I step on the stage, what will be necessary is there.

[Interviewer]

How do you feed it? Like, what does that look like?

[Tony Robbins]

Well, for example, my date with destiny. I have people fill out about a 20 page interview report. There's 5,000 of them and I read them for a week. So not everybody does it, by the way. You know, some people wait till the last minute or don't turn in at all. It's only your destiny. Don't worry about it, right? But what it gives me is the patterns in the room. I may not remember every name, every story, but I remember what the patterns are. And then when somebody stands up, even it wasn't that person. I know if I can work with this person and help them transform, I could be affecting 50 or 100 people simultaneously, right? That I consciously know about. That's how I load my brain. I also brainstorm out different examples or tools. I'm always coming up with something new in terms of insight or strategy and then. But the event you're talking about is a really unique event. I started it because of COVID because I was used to doing stadiums, right? And in 2020, the governor of California team calls me up. I know him well. Not a big fan.

[Interviewer]

Newsom called you?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. Well, Newsom had his team call me. And then he wrote me directly. He was upset about me telling the world that he canceled the event, which he did, Right. He said, you're not making me look good. He said, you go.

[Interviewer]

That's you.

[Tony Robbins]

You're a nice man. I like you personally, but I don't agree with your policies. Right. This is ridiculous. So we had an event there for 14,000 people. And two weeks before, he sends out the message to me from his team and says, you only put 100 people in the stadium. Our new rules. I said. I said to his people, I said, this is absurd. You know, we can't put 100 people in a stadium. What are we going to do with the other, you know, 13,900 people? And so I said, screw them. I'm going to move this thing to Vegas. They'll never shut down Vegas, right? So two weeks before, we moved 14,000 people to Vegas and they shut down Vegas, right? So then I'm like, oh, my God. I mean, I need to help these people. The time they need us most is during this time because everybody's depressed and upset and not know what's going to happen. So I said, okay, let's move it to Texas. Texas is its own country. I met the governor there. I don't know him personally really well, but I've met him. He says he's not going to shut down. Seven days before they shut down Vegas, we rented a big church, 14,000 people. So then I was like, I'm just relentless. I'm like, okay, well, they allow you to put 10 people in a movie theater. I said, okay, we'll do 1400 movie theaters local for people who don't have to travel. Big screens, we'll have big sound, at least, you know, 10 people interacting with each other. And they shut down the movie theaters. So I was like, okay, we're gonna build a studio. And my CFO was like, you're gonna build a studio? Like, we lost $100 million in six months because I didn't want to fire anybody. Because he kept saying, We're 10 more days to stop the whatever the language was used in those days. And I was like. So I said, we can't wait. So I bought a building because I couldn't build it fast enough. 50 foot high ceilings. I built 22 foot high LED screens, made them 50ft around me and got 0.67 resolution, highest resolution in the world. I could see more in your face than I can even see now, because you're this much bigger, right? And then I called Eric Yahn, the founder of Zoom, and said, 1200 people is not going to work. I need 25,000 people. And he's a fan of mine, so he changed the tech so we could do it. And then I hired all these people. They all said, we can't do this in nine weeks. I said, well, then you're not working here. And I just kept going through people. We literally, the night before, putting it all together, and we got up, we did this event, and we had people from all over the Earth that participated. And I had 193 countries there, and we had over 25,000 people. Normally, we'd have 15,000. So it's even more people because they could do it from different places in the world they wanted to. So then I was like, okay, I want to. I want to reach everybody. Let's. Let's do an event for free. Let's do one event for three days. Not just an hour thing or two. Let's do, like, two and a half hours a day for three days. Enough to give people a real transformation. We'll do it right at the beginning of the year. It's kind of a comeback challenge. I called it back then. It's now called Time To Rise. And the comeback story is the best story of your life. You're down, everything's not working. That's what inspires people. This is the comeback time, and we put it together. We had a million people show up. Million one. And now we've done it for seven straight years. I think it'll be last year. I'll do it. I'm just. My schedule so full, I would do one last one. And we're going to do it for three days, and people from 193 countries attend every country in the world. And we go for, like I say, two and a half hours. And we help you not just make a New Year's resolution, which nobody keeps because they don't have a plan, they don't have a strategy or anything else. We help you create the breakthroughs that are necessary, and you become part of a really cool community, because we have a Facebook community. And so in the middle of the night, I give people an assignment, and they make these videos. And you see people transforming from all over the Earth. Every age group, every direction, every country, every language. So I love that aspect of it. And there's no charge for it. Literally, it's free. So if People go to Time to Rise Summit, timetoriseummit.com, timetoriseummit.com they can register for it and they can attend it. You can think of it like going to a great two and a half hour movie three days in a row, but instead of just being entertained at the end of your life is really transformed. And then, you know, we've done so much value for people. Then some people decide they want to do other things with us, which is wonderful. But there's no requirement in any way, shape or form. And it's been my way to give back. It was desperately needed during COVID and then we just, you know, kept the momentum for it for now.

[Interviewer]

Do I get claps at the event? The Tony Robbins claps? You do, don't you? Because it's my favorite part of the event. Well, I can't wait to come to this next one. I can't wait to see what this next one is.

[Tony Robbins]

The thing about it, you don't have to come to it. It's digital. So you can do it.

[Interviewer]

You can do it from my couch.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, you can do it from your couch, you can do it from your office. And we start here at 10 in the morning. It's midnight in, what do you call it in Sydney, Australia, for example. And they go each day all the way through it as well till 3 or 4 in the morning. So you'll be joined by people all over the earth and you have a cool community of people that all have something coming. They want more, they're not willing to settle. Yeah, if you want more for your life, if you want it's time to rise and take more out of your life. You don't want to have next year be the same as last year. Then you need some tools, you need some inspiration, you need some community and you need some days where it's actually going to happen. Like you said, put it on the calendar and make it lock. So it's coming up January 29th through the 31st. January 29th through 31st. And again, if they go to timetoridesummit.com get you signed up and lock it in your calendar. And I encourage people, bring your family, bring your friends or your co workers at the office and do it. It'll be an experience you won't forget.