BigDeal Podcast #112 — How To DESTROY Negative Thoughts (And Rewire Your Brain) | Tony Robbins

Host: Codie Sanchez
Guest: Tony Robbins
Date: January 7, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode dives deeply into Tony Robbins' philosophy on personal transformation, the power of mindset, and the practical steps needed to break negative thought patterns. The conversation moves past surface-level “positive thinking” or feel-good platitudes. Instead, Robbins and Sanchez explore hard truths—the kind that genuinely change lives—covering why so many people fail at New Year’s resolutions, the three-part formula for true breakthroughs, how to make and keep real commitments, and the difference between motivation and inner drive. The episode is candid, fast-paced, and brimming with tactical advice, memorable stories, and trademark Tony Robbins intensity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Limits of Manifesting & The Law of Attraction

• Tony's view: The law of attraction is real, but it’s just one of many universal laws.
  • “Law of attraction is real. It’s one of dozens, dozens of laws. And you’re saying that’s the whole game. That’s absurd to me.” (00:05)
• Tony critiques the over-simplification of “think and you will get” as magical thinking.
  • “Just thinking positive is not going to do it. Thinking negative will certainly hurt your life. But that’s not the full gig.” (25:15)

2. Cutting Through Comforting Lies

• Codie sets the tone: this conversation is for those “sick of platitudes and unable to build a tactical, sustainable, daily approach to improving your life.” (00:24)
• Tony's take on truth vs. comfort: “Where did we get up this thing that you’re not supposed to offend anybody… If you’re not going to offend anybody, you’re not going to have any impact. Sometimes you gotta do what’s uncomfortable.” (00:48, 41:01)

3. The Real Breakthrough Formula: The "Three S's"

Tony Robbins’ three factors for breakthrough—Strategy, Story, State, in order of true effectiveness.

• Strategy

  • Most people start with searching for the right tactic or strategy.
  • But lacking a strategy is rarely the real barrier.

  “The first one is not the most valuable. It’s the first one people go for—strategy… But people don’t use the strategy because the second S gets in the way.” (02:25)

• Story

  • The beliefs and narratives we repeat to ourselves block action more than tactics.
  • People often defend limiting beliefs even in the face of contrary evidence.

  “Our narrative of our life controls our life more than anything else. So you have to divorce your limitations and marry the truth of your unlimited ability.” (00:48, 05:47)

  • Concrete examples:
    • People claiming “I’ve tried everything” for weight loss, but really trying only a couple things repeatedly.
    • Excuses for lack of relationships or success.

• State

  • The most important, least discussed aspect: physical, emotional, and mental state.
  • State determines how you interpret the world, relate to challenges, unlock energy.
  • You must be in the right state before changing story or strategy.

  “If you’re going to have a breakthrough, it comes from your state… Your mental emotional state affects the way you perceive everything in life.” (08:54) “With the right state, you’ll get the right behavior, you’ll get the right story, and you’ll find the right strategies. That’s where I go first.” (10:39)

4. Decision-Making: Decision, Commitment, Resolve

• Decision alone is fleeting—it must become commitment, then unshakeable resolve.

• Example: Story of General Norman Schwarzkopf at the Pentagon making pivotal decisions despite incomplete info.

  “Decisions need to be made… If it’s wrong, we’ll find out quicker and change. If it’s right, we’ll move forward immediately.” (13:06)

• Three stages:

  • Decision: The initial intent: “forward momentum.”

  • Commitment: Creating an external consequence, making the decision stick beyond the emotional moment.

    • “Never leave the site of making a decision without doing something that commits you to follow through later on.” (16:39)

  • Resolve: A feeling that it’s done—“brings peace”—and action is inevitable.

    "Resolve means it's already done. You say something's resolved, it's already done. It's done in you, so it's going to be done in the world." (17:27)

• Codie shares a personal example—a difficult divorce decision, and how true resolution brought peace, despite sadness. (18:02–18:48)

5. How to Actually Change a Pattern/Tactic for Breaking Negative Habits

• You don’t just make rules; you must create strong, emotionally compelling reasons and consequences.

• Codie’s humorous example: Her husband (an ex-Navy SEAL) sets high-stakes consequences for broken commitments (e.g., donating to a cause she opposes).

  "It not only has to be cash, but something that would bother you so much that you’re not going to not execute." (20:01)

6. Top Five Life Skills According to Tony

• Decision-making

• Managing your state

• Building relationships

• Creating a vision for your life (moving from “manager” to “creator”)

• Continual growth & contribution

  “If you shift what’s behind it all, you shift everything.” (21:08–21:26)

7. Motivation vs. Inner Drive: Push vs. Pull

• “Push” motivation (forcing yourself) is finite and exhausting.

• “Pull” motivation: Driven by a purpose beyond yourself, produces nearly unlimited energy.

  “What’s unlimited is pull motivation, pull drive—that’s something you care about more than yourself… It gives you an energy that almost feels superhuman.” (22:08–22:35)

8. Hard Truths about Positive Thinking

• Tony is skeptical of “The Secret” and pure positive thinking.

• Find the truth—don’t ignore weeds with wishful thinking, but don’t distort reality either.

  “I don’t believe in negative thinking. Doesn’t help you. You need to find what’s true… See it as is, but also not see it worse than it is.” (25:15)

9. On People-Pleasing, Tough Love, and Real Change

• Tony shares stories about being a reformed “pleaser” and instead choosing “benevolent bullying” for breakthrough.

• Example: Directly challenging a woman’s excuses at a women’s event, with Oprah present, leading to her transformation.

  “If you stand up in my room, something’s caused you to stand up. Some part of you wants transformation… and it’s going to happen.” (39:41)

10. The Power of Offending Others in Service of Truth

• Codie and Tony discuss “PC” culture and its pitfalls—if you try not to offend anyone, you’ll have no impact.

  “If you’re not going to offend anybody, you’re not going to have any impact.” (41:01)

11. Foundational Human Needs & Pattern Breaking

• “Six Human Needs”: Certainty, Uncertainty, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, Contribution.
• Pattern interrupts (breaking a negative habit) must be tailored to the person’s dominant needs.
  • Tony always seeks leverage based on their deepest drivers.
    • “What’s a pattern up for you vs. another person is different based on your model of the world.” (43:09–43:15)

12. Hiring, Partnerships, and Learning from Mistakes

• Evaluating new partners: Beyond skills, ensure long-term goals and values align.

• Background checks are a must for Tony now—saved him major pain.

• Many of his skills came from painful partnership mistakes.

  “Most of my most important skills came from some early mistakes with people.” (52:35)

13. Tony’s Preparation and the "Time to Rise Summit" (January 29–31)

• Tony’s process: Over-prepares by reading 5,000+ participant questionnaires to sense group patterns.
• “Time To Rise Summit”—a free digital event designed to create true transformation (not just New Year’s resolutions).

  • A million+ people attend each year from all 193 countries.

    “The comeback story is the best story of your life. You’re down, everything’s not working. That’s what inspires people.” (57:05) “If you want it’s time to rise and take more out of your life… you need some tools, you need some inspiration, you need some community and you need some days where it’s actually going to happen.” (60:53)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On strategy and story:
  • “Most people have certainty about what won’t work… Their story controls what they’re willing to do or not do.” (05:47)
• On “resolve”:
  • “Resolve means it’s already done. You say something’s resolved, it’s already done. It’s done in you, so it’s going to be done in the world.” (17:27)
• On needing uncomfortable truths:
  • “If you’re not going to offend anybody, you’re not going to have any impact.” (41:01)
  • “Sometimes you gotta do what’s uncomfortable. Otherwise you’re just making yourself feel good… If you want transformation, you cannot do it by blaming everybody else.” (00:48, 39:41)
• On motivation:
  • “Push is what most people use… What’s unlimited is pull motivation, pull drive. That’s something you care about more than yourself.” (22:08–22:35)
• On preparation:
  • “I just believe in overloading my brain because I never know what’s going to happen. I have to be able to adapt to feel alive and do art. And art is something that’s different every time.” (54:41)
• On being a benevolent bully:
  • “You need like—my husband calls it a benevolent bully.” (31:20, interviewer)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–01:00: Debunking law of attraction as a sole solution; context for real breakthroughs.
• 01:44–10:28: The Three S's—Breakthrough formula: Strategy, Story, State.
• 12:02–18:48: Decision-making framework: decision, commitment, resolve. Example of Codie’s major life choice using Tony’s approach.
• 20:01: The power of having meaningful consequences for commitments.
• 21:31–23:54: Motivation: push vs. pull. Tony on keeping (and not keeping) promises to himself.
• 25:00–27:17: Tony on why positive thinking isn’t enough; story of refusing to do The Secret.
• 31:36–40:39: Tony’s journey from pleaser to “benevolent bully”; stories of tough interventions and real transformation.
• 41:01–43:15: Truth-telling, breaking PC culture, and the true cost of not offending.
• 45:00–46:16: The Six Human Needs and how patterns must be broken differently for each person.
• 50:00–54:20: Tony on business partnerships, learning from betrayal, and developing better systems after mistakes.
• 54:41–60:53: How Tony prepares for events and the details of the Time to Rise Summit.

Final Takeaways for Listeners

• True breakthroughs require changing your state first, then your story, then your strategy.
• Don’t be seduced by comfort or easy positive thinking—seek truth, accept discomfort, and commit deeply to your goals.
• Lasting transformation comes from real resolve, not fleeting decisions.
• Evaluate relationships (business or personal) based on alignment of long-term goals and values, not just initial chemistry or skills.
• Attend Tony’s free “Time To Rise Summit” (Jan 29–31) to experience these principles in action—register at timetorisesummit.com.