Podcast Summary: BigDeal Ep. #113 – "Become CONFIDENT In 85 Minutes: How To Defeat Self-Doubt"

Host: Codie Sanchez
Guest: Dr. Shadé Zahrai
Date: January 14, 2026

Overview

In this episode, Codie Sanchez interviews Dr. Shadé Zahrai, Harvard-trained leadership coach and author of "Big Trust." Together, they delve into the science-backed mechanics of building confidence, overcoming self-doubt, and developing the kind of self-trust that leads to breakthroughs in business and life. The conversation is peppered with practical strategies, memorable stories, and actionable tips for anyone looking to rewire self-perception and show up with greater charm, presence, and agency.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Truth About Confidence & Self-Doubt

• Action Precedes Confidence:

  • Confidence isn’t something you wait for; it’s the result of action. Taking small steps and gaining evidence that you can do something is what gives rise to confidence.
  • "Waiting to feel confident is the wrong goal completely. Confidence comes after we take action." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [00:00, 14:20]

• The Four Drivers of Self-Doubt:
  After extensive research, Dr. Zahrai identified four core traits that, if weak, allow self-doubt to creep in:

  1. Self-Acceptance: Accepting yourself, independent of external validation.
  2. Agency: The belief in your capability to accomplish things.
  3. Autonomy: Internal locus of control—feeling you’re in charge of your outcomes.
  4. Emotional Intelligence: Managing emotions so they don’t derail you.
  • "Self-doubt is entirely doubting our worthiness, our capability, our control..." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [03:36]
  • "Once we have a framework for it... we can ask ourselves: which area is it trying to attack right now?" — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [07:57]

• Expectation Bias:
  Our beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies. The Dartmouth "scar experiment" powerfully illustrates how what we expect shapes our experience of the world [01:33-03:36].

2. Differentiating Manifestation, Execution, and Self-Trust

• Manifestation Misconceptions:

  • Visualizing alone drains energy and widens the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

  • True success comes from “manifesting with a pragmatic lens”—visualize, identify obstacles, and prepare to act.

  • "The more someone visualized positive fantasies, and only that—the less energy they had to actually achieve it." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [17:12]

• Pre-Mortem Visualization:

  • Take Michael Phelps' approach: Visualize both success and every possible thing that can go wrong, and plan for your response.
  • “He had it essentially embedded in his nervous system so that if it happened, he wouldn’t get distracted… He had a plan.” — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [19:31]

• Self-Trust as the Real Antidote:

  • Waiting for confidence will keep you stuck. Self-trust (believing you can handle things, even if you fail) is what matters.
  • "Waiting to feel confident is the wrong goal completely... something is missing, and that's self-trust." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [15:35]

3. Charisma and Presence: Science-Backed Strategies

• Captivating vs. Magnetic Charisma:

  • Captivating: Commanding attention on stage or in a room.
  • Magnetic: Attracting people to you personally after the performance ends.

• Key Elements for Charisma: [23:43-33:21]

  1. Posture: Upright, confident posture is the first cue people notice.
  2. Gestures: Use open, purposeful hand movements.
  3. Facial Expression: Eye contact (not too long), approachable smiles.
  4. Voice: Slow, measured tone and natural pacing.
  5. Walk: Move with purpose—not too fast or slow.
  6. Pausing: Use strategic pauses when responding to convey thoughtfulness and status.
  7. Appearance: Dress intentionally to align with context and convey self-respect—avoid distracting extremes.
  • "You can be captivating but not magnetic—people may not want to talk to you after the speech." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [26:24]
  • "The more confident you appear, the more competent you’re perceived to be." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [23:43]

4. Navigating High-Stakes Rooms & Networking

• What NOT to Do:

  • Don’t name drop immediately.
  • Don’t brag or monologue about your achievements.
  • Don’t one-up others’ stories.

• What TO Do:

  • Be genuinely interested; ask meaningful questions (5:1 rule).

  • Look for ways to add value.

  • Avoid manipulative conversational tactics.

  • "The best thing you can do is be interested. People generally like talking about themselves. It lights up part of our brain which is rewarding." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [00:58, 44:53]

5. Dealing With Manipulators & Toxic People

• Recognize Manipulation:

  • Manipulators often attack the four drivers of self-doubt.

  • Use the "CUT" method:

    • C: Cut the emotional reaction—recognize you have agency over your feelings.
    • U: Unfazed appearance—remain calm and respectful, don’t give away your energy.
    • T: Turn off engagement—don’t let them occupy mental space, minimize further contact if possible.

  • "If someone is not actually actively lifting you up, they don't deserve to be in your life." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [50:52]

• In Relationships:

  • You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate.
  • Address patterns directly and with clarity, decide if the relationship is worth continuing.

6. Tactics for Conquering Daily Self-Doubt

• Label Your Emotions (Cognitive Diffusion & Affective Labeling):

  • Instead of internalizing ("I am an emotional person"), notice and label ("I'm feeling annoyed right now") [11:24].

• Small Habits, Big Change:

  • Start tiny with habit formation: two minutes of stretching, quick ticks on a visible calendar.
  • Use cost-benefit analysis: what is the cost of not acting? [77:14-80:22]

• Morning Clarity Reset:

  • Each morning: take a breath, note three priorities, and decide which “big trust” energy you want to bring into your day.
  • End of day: reflect—did you do it? What could improve?
  • "How you choose to start your day becomes what you keep reminding yourself of and returning to." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [84:06]

7. High Performers & Imposter Syndrome

• Self-doubt is common, even among high achievers.

• Imposter syndrome is often a result of increased competence without parallel growth in confidence—“a mismatch between competence and confidence.”

• Leverage the concept of skill-stacking for unique value instead of aiming for mastery in only one arena [66:08].

• Memorable stories:

  • Paula Scher’s $1.5 million napkin logo for Citigroup, highlighting the value of accumulated expertise [63:37].
  • Tinker Hatfield’s architectural background saving Nike with the Air Max 1 [64:14].

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Confidence:
  "Competence equals confidence completely. The more reps you do, the more likely you are to hit it." — Codie Sanchez [15:39]

• On Manifestation:
  "Dream it and you will achieve it tomorrow... for some people, maybe it happens, but they’re the exception to the rule." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [17:12]

• On Costly Habits:
  "What is the cost of not doing this right now? What is the cost in six months? We're often more motivated by the cost of something." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [79:43]

• On Self-Doubt & Growth:
  "Your self doubts are not a sign that you’re broken... They’re an entirely natural part of being human." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [69:35]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – Action precedes confidence; waiting is a trap
• 03:36 – Four core drivers of self-doubt explained
• 10:07 – Labeling emotions to create distance and control
• 14:20 – Self-trust vs. confidence
• 17:12 – Manifestation myths & positive fantasy research
• 19:31 – Michael Phelps' visualization & the pre-mortem
• 23:43 – Building charisma: posture, gesture, presence
• 33:21 – Pausing for impact and perceived status
• 44:53 – Navigating high-status rooms and what not to do
• 45:47 – Handling manipulative people & the CUT method
• 60:28 – High performers, imposter syndrome, and skill stacking
• 77:14 – Building habits with the Seinfeld strategy
• 84:06 – Dr. Zahrai’s Morning Clarity Reset ritual

Final Takeaways

• Confidence is built, not waited for. Action is the prescription.
• Self-trust is your real superpower; nurture it with daily rituals and incremental challenges.
• Charisma can be cultivated through attention to posture, presence, and genuine connection; magnetic presence comes from warmth and authenticity.
• Self-doubt is natural; use it as a guide to identify areas for growth, not as a reason to stop.
• Practical frameworks and science-backed micro-habits are your weapons against self-sabotage.
• Energy, intention, and daily rituals shape the trajectory of your life and business.

Resources & Further Learning

• Book: "Big Trust" by Dr. Shadé Zahrai – out Jan 20, 2026. Pre-order for access to live workshops and downloads [81:58, 82:21].
• Free Download (Morning Clarity Reset Template): One-page daily intentionality tool – linked in episode resources [85:16].

"Celebrate the hard, not just the win... The hard is what gets you to the win." — Dr. Shadé Zahrai [56:42]

This episode is highly recommended for anyone striving to become more self-assured, resilient, and influential—whether in business, leadership, or personal growth.