BigDeal Podcast Summary: Episode with Chris Voss

Episode Title: FBI Hostage Negotiator: The Art Of Negotiating To Get Everything You Want | Chris Voss
Release Date: January 2, 2025
Host: Codie Sanchez
Guest: Chris Voss, Former FBI Lead Hostage Negotiator

1. Universal Emotions and Cultural Dynamics

Chris Voss delves into the foundational concept that all humans are born with a set of core emotions, arguing that these emotions are universal across cultures despite outward differences. He challenges the notion that cultural nuances significantly alter emotional responses, positing instead that understanding these universal emotions can bridge cultural divides.

"I don't see anybody contesting that we're born with five core emotions. It's original equipment." ([05:00])

Voss emphasizes that foundational emotions—such as anger, sadness, disgust, happiness, and joy—are innate and not significantly altered by cultural upbringing. This universality, he suggests, provides a common ground for effective communication and negotiation across diverse backgrounds.

2. The Concept of Tactical Empathy

Tactical Empathy is introduced as a strategic form of empathetic engagement, distinct from mere sympathy or compassion. Voss explains that tactical empathy involves actively observing and understanding the emotions of others to influence their behavior positively.

"Empathy is just observing the other person's emotions and where it's, you getting out of the way." ([06:51])

By employing tactical empathy, negotiators can anticipate and navigate emotional responses, creating an environment where both parties feel understood without necessarily agreeing. This approach is applicable not only in high-stakes negotiations but also in everyday interpersonal interactions.

3. Empathy in Negotiations with Adversaries

Voss shares his experiences negotiating with individuals deemed as "bad guys," such as members of terrorist organizations. He underscores that empathy does not equate to agreement but serves as a tool to influence and de-escalate conflict.

"Yes, you can and yes, you should. And you don't equate understanding with agreement." ([09:49])

He recounts training sessions with international counterterrorism teams, highlighting how empathy can catch adversaries off guard, making them more receptive to negotiation tactics. This strategy hinges on understanding the adversary's perspective to create openings for dialogue and resolution.

4. Emotional Intelligence and Its Impact

The discussion shifts to Emotional Intelligence (EI), where both hosts agree on its critical role in personal and professional success. Voss asserts that higher EI is correlated with significantly increased earnings and better negotiation outcomes.

"Emotional intelligence is an unlimited skill and a perishable skill. So if you haven't built it, you haven't built it." ([17:35])

They explore practical ways to cultivate EI, such as practicing "cold reads" to assess others' emotions and being intentional about active listening. Voss emphasizes that EI is not static; it requires continuous effort to maintain and improve.

5. Gender Differences in Negotiation

Voss addresses observed differences in negotiation styles between men and women, attributing these to societal conditioning rather than inherent traits. He notes that women are often nurtured to prioritize relationships and soft skills, which can be advantageous when blended with assertiveness.

"Women as generally to be nurtured, not to be combative, they have been nurtured into assertion. But then if they can blend assertion with the soft skills, then suddenly they're superstars." ([55:40])

This combination allows women to excel in negotiation without compromising their femininity, highlighting the evolving landscape where diverse negotiation styles are increasingly valued and recognized.

6. Understanding and Addressing Psychopathy

The conversation delves into the origins and potential reversibility of psychopathic behavior. Voss posits that psychopathy is largely a product of environmental factors, such as inconsistent parenting and lack of established rules during formative years.

"I agree. Yeah, I'm there, I'm on that hypothesis. Yeah." ([45:12])

He discusses the complexity of reversing psychopathic traits, acknowledging that while some cases may improve with interventions like new neuroscientific treatments, others remain resistant to change. Voss shares an anecdote about an individual who transformed positively, illustrating the potential for change under certain circumstances.

7. The Role of Tone in Effective Communication

A significant portion of the discussion centers on the importance of tone of voice in communication. Voss explains that tone can convey emotions and intentions more powerfully than words themselves, influencing how messages are received and interpreted.

"Tone is like putting spin on a ball. It's essential for it to hit its target." ([50:16])

He highlights that specific tones, such as a calming voice used in hostage negotiations or hypnotherapy, can trigger neurochemical responses in listeners, making messages more persuasive and effective.

8. Techniques to Engage in Meaningful Conversations

Voss provides actionable strategies to transform superficial small talk into meaningful dialogue. He advocates for approaching conversations with genuine curiosity, enabling deeper connections and understanding.

"What do you love about the PTA?" ([66:50])

By asking open-ended questions that tap into the other person's passions or experiences, negotiators can shift the conversation from mundane topics to more engaging and substantive discussions, fostering trust and rapport.

9. Overcoming Boredom in Conversations

Addressing situations where conversations may become uninteresting, Voss recommends reigniting curiosity to maintain engagement. He suggests redirecting the dialogue towards topics that reveal deeper insights about the individual.

"I'll probably say, what do you love about the PTA? Now that's probably going to trigger an instantaneous state change in them and change the conversation." ([66:50])

This technique not only alleviates boredom but also uncovers valuable information that can be leveraged in negotiations or personal interactions.

10. Closing Insights and Takeaways

In the concluding segments, Voss reiterates the significance of continuous learning and practicing negotiation and communication skills. He encourages listeners to immerse themselves in environments that promote accelerated learning, such as his upcoming Negotiation Mastery Summit.

"You make a quantum leap forward when you immerse yourself." ([69:09])

Voss emphasizes that mastering these skills can lead to substantial long-term benefits, both financially and personally, underscoring the podcast's core message of empowering listeners to transform their lives through effective negotiation and communication.

Notable Quotes:

• "Empathy is just observing the other person's emotions and where it's you getting out of the way." — Chris Voss ([06:51])

• "I'm long term. And when you start looking around for it, the truth is the best long term strategy." — Chris Voss ([31:49])

• "Perception of fairness is a fundamental human instinct, which manipulators exploit regularly." — Chris Voss ([26:36])

• "Emotional intelligence is an unlimited skill and a perishable skill. So if you haven't built it, you haven't built it." — Chris Voss ([17:35])

This episode of BigDeal offers profound insights into the art of negotiation, emphasizing the importance of empathy, emotional intelligence, and effective communication. Chris Voss's experiences and strategies provide listeners with actionable tactics to enhance both their professional and personal interactions.