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- [00:00]
A
Welcome back.
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I'm Cody Sanchez, and this is the Big Deal podcast for those who don't just want to be rich, but want to be free and do what it actually takes to get there. Okay, so today we're diving into the rise of counterculture and how movements like this are becoming mainstream in any ways. From homesteading to homeschooling to home remedies, more people are choosing to live life on their own terms, stepping away from the conventional paths. Kimberly Vanderbeek joins us on this episode to talk about all of this. So if you're curious about motherhood done unconventionally modern dating and how to attract that person to you that is supposed to be with you, and how to both homeschool kids if you want to, or homestead them, I think you'll like this episode. So I'm kind of in love with Kim. I've gotten to be friends with her through a couple friends locally. And I'm so curious lately about, like, how do I be a feminine woman and also crush it in the workplace? Now, you might know Kim as the wife of Dawson's Creek star James Van Der Beek. She has six kids. I don't know how she does that. And then she also has really unique ideas into clean wellness, into living on sort of a compound with 16 cabins. In 2020, her family made the move from LA to a place about an hour outside of Austin. Now, Kimberly is all about sort of community and what does it mean in this society today where we have totally gotten away from that? And how could. If you feel lonely today, how could you bring it to back? And I think that is exactly why I want to remind you guys that this podcast is all about community. It's the idea that we bring the unvarnished truth about business ownership by the mini instead of the few together. So if you guys have ever thought about how to become part of a business community, you should check out contrarian thinking Community. I do think that one of the chronic illnesses of our society today is we are lonely, we are isolated, and thus we feel weak and we feel powerless. And when we realize that all around us are other humans who want the exact same things we do, the world changes. Or as Kimberly says, it shifts. So today we're going to lean into a story that is maybe a little bit more normal here in Austin, but not around the world. I want to jump right in with something that I was fascinated by, which was the Conception cabin on your land. Can you talk about that? What is it? What does it do?
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A
Okay, there's this Great book called Spirit Babies by Walter Mackie Chen. And it talks about the different portals that are all over the world about where spirit babies come through and go from the spirit baby realm into conception. And I believe one of those portals is on our land. So it's cabin 16. And we've had two different friends conceive in this cabin.
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B
That's wild.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And are there 16 other cabins on the land?
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There are 21.
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B
Wow.
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Well, some of the walls have come out and we've turned them into different things like offices or movie theater area.
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B
Love that. And so the idea is essentially, well, I want to read Spirit Babies. I've kind of gotten into what I'll now call woo woo stuff lately.
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A
Fabulous.
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I know I'm going down reality. I'm literally going down such a rabbit hole. And. And that's why I was, like, attracted talking to you, because it felt like all the things we were told for so long about. I'll just say the female body. I mean, I won't even get into the broader medical establishment. Are. Are sort of incomplete at best.
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Yeah.
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And you know, when we're trying to figure out how to get pregnant, I look all around and all my women friends have struggled to make it happen. They've gone through round after round of ivf, and now there's sort of this, like, coming back to ourselves and our own knowing that I'm starting to see. And so I sort of want to dive into this a little bit with you because you have six kids. Right. And are all of those kids, you had them all naturally?
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A
I had defined natural. Yeah. So my first was born in a hospital. Yeah. After an epidural and Pitocin and my other five were born at home. God, that's wild. Yeah.
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B
By yourself with a midwife. How does that work?
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A
Oh, yeah, yeah.
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Both.
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Yeah. So I had midwives, a doula and a couple. I had midwife and doctor sometimes. And sometimes my doctor. Missed.
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B
Yeah. What's the difference between a doula and a midwife?
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A
So there's a big difference, actually. A midwife helps the mother in the delivery process with the baby. She'll observe, she'll see if, you know, some, some. Something needs to happen medically, perhaps. And she's trained in that way. A doula is there to support the mother and to make sure the mother has everything that she needs.
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B
Interesting. Yeah. And is there, like, training for the two? And how do you decide who's a good or a bad midwife or doula?
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A
Okay. Well, there, there, there's lots of Training for a midwife and for a doula and it looks very different. So there is no governing body for a doula actually. So there are lots of what feel very official doula training programs, but there's no, not a governing body over it. So to get a proper certificate, somebody came up with this and there you go. Yeah. And a midwife is different. I mean they need to have medical background knowledge and expert and lots of training with births and I think some doulas do that as well. I know a lot of doulas that could probably help. Help birth, but they don't have that certification in place, so. Yeah. And how do you know if you have the right midwife? Ardua? Well, for me, my process was for my first birth, I really wanted to have a home birth and I was talked out of it. Yeah. And so that was when.
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B
What year would that have been?
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A
I mean that was in 2010. She was born, which was kind of.
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B
Before this was as. I wouldn't even say it's mainstream yet.
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Yes, that's correct.
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B
But back then if you were like, I'm gonna home birth, you know, with a doula or a midwife, and especially you were in LA at the time, weren't you?
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Yes.
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They probably told you you were crazy.
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Everybody told me I was crazy. And to some degree I listened to them.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So I didn't want to, but I did. And. And so my process was interviewing doctors and I found one that I felt when I'm interviewing a doctor, I want somebody that is going to honor my intuitive knowing and give me space and has listened to my birth requests and we call them requests because a birth has its own life. You don't really know what's going to happen. Right. So when you are in co creation with another soul, you're attending to their energetic field and maybe they want to be born via a cesarean and that's the right way for them or whatever it is. So I call it a birth request because a mom will know what she wants. Here's my prayer, here's my request. And then life takes this course. But for, for a doctor, that's what I was looking at. Somebody that would honor me.
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B
Yep.
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For my second pregnancy, Joshua, I found out he was breach at 37 weeks and my mom delivered my sister breach. And I never looked at it as a negative thing.
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B
But mainstream means the baby's like laying like this.
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So there are three different breech positions and the one that he was in is a complete breach. So he's like curled up like this and he's booty down.
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B
Oh, yeah, that's not. Yeah.
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A
Okay. So the head is up here. Okay. But I never looked at it as an emergency. I think that. I think it's about 4% of babies are in breech position towards the last trimester.
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B
Okay.
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A
The end of the last trimester. And so for me, I was told basically, turn the baby or this is going to be a cesarean. And it didn't. That didn't sit right with me. Now, if it did sit right with me, and I felt like this is the right move for us, I would have done it. But there was this deeper intuitive feeling to investigate. And when I investigated further, and I think this is the. The first thing you do with a parent. As a parent, you get your information and you weave in your intuition. Right. So there's no. There's no book on your intuitive knowing. But I started to do a deep dive, and what I discovered were there were some outdated studies on breech births that took into account third world countries without a head down counterpart. So the studies were heavily flawed. And at that time, they stopped training doctors how to do breech births. Now there are simple maneuvers that can actually really help safely deliver a breech baby. But the doctors are no longer trained in those maneuvers. So now we do have, indeed a dangerous situation unless you have a doctor that's trained. So I actually magnetized Dr. Stuart Fishbein, who had delivered hundreds, hundreds of breech births, got himself out of the medical system and was doing them at home because he. He was bumping up against a lot. And why does he.
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B
Why don't they train them on that anymore? Is it because cesarean sections are really expensive and, well, you could follow the money rabbit hole?
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A
Following the money for sure. However, I guess when you're 37 weeks pregnant, you don't have the time for that rabbit hole. It's just, yeah, I need to take care of my baby. And so this is what felt right for me. And I had Dr. Fishbein and I had Beth Cannon, who is a midwife that works for him. So I had that team and medulla. So we had a. We had a solid team there. It was super, like a super deep privilege actually to have this team because most people actually don't have access to a doctor like this at all and a midwife team. So I feel so deeply grateful for that. And then with my next baby, I said, you know what? This team was a reactive response for me, and it was a great privilege to have them. But I Actually need to choose my team now. Right. And so I was like, I need to make sure that this is a choice because I felt like I didn't have one last time. And so I met people, even though I loved my birth team and I said, I love my birth team, I still love my birth team, and now I'm choosing them. So I went with the same team the next time. Interesting. But for me, that choice really happened with watching people's responses, with what I wanted to do and see how much that was honored.
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B
Interesting.
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A
Yeah.
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B
You know, it's interesting to me that today when a woman says, I feel an intuition about my body this way, when we say no, I can just tell that something's off here or something's right. That people think that that sounds bizarre. And they're like, no, no, no, go get 37 ultrasounds, go get 452 tests instead. And don't, to your point, maybe honor that as much. What does that mean to be medically intuitive and to follow your own intuition? Because my grandmother used to say, which I think is true, that a great way to fail in the medical, you know, if anything's going wrong, your body is like, doctors are trained to do one thing really well, which is like eventually kill you. And that was like her little tongue in cheek joke about the fact that, you know, everything leads to more surgeries, more prescriptions, et cetera. So how do you actually find your intuition?
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A
Well, just like I wouldn't lump all doctors into the same category, I actually have doctors in my life that are incredibly passionate about what they do and they're willing to go on a limb for their passion. But if we take it back, back to the medical establishment, we can go down another money rabbit hole. So the pharmaceutical companies pay for those universities. So I know some nurses who, they learned their food pyramid that was developed by Nestle and that was funding their nurse program. Right. And even when it comes to food, we hear the, the good old ask your doctor, ask your doctor if you should take this herb or this herb food. But that is a medical legal slogan essentially at this point, which also I need to say, I'm not a doctor, guys, so take my advice, listen to it and go talk to your doctor. Because legally you have to say that. But are doctors trained in nutrition? Most of them are not. Last I checked, it was about 10% of medical schools. Even if, you know, ask your doctor about a vaccination. I talked to a lot of doctors. What I heard from them was that was about a half a day in medical school. So if you take like a mom following her intuitive guidance and you know, unraveling and actually sitting there and going through the peer reviewed studies and the research and all of that, you may have somebody that's actually far more educated than a lot of the doctors. But again, you'll have these amazing, passionate doctors that love what they do. And those doctors I have been so fortunate to know in my life and they're incredible. So, you know, it really takes both, because intuition breeds curiosity and passion. And if you're following that thread, you are going to get really informed.
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B
Kind of a bizarre question, but your other. So your first baby, you had some sort of numbing agent?
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Yes.
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The next five, you didn't. Right. Does that hurt like hell. You went back for five more times.
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A
So the first one I pushed for almost two hours. I was rocking and I got to the hospital and I wasn't even a centimeter dilated. And I said that is because you guys made me sign paperwork when I got here. And like my fight or flight, I shut down. And so eventually my doula had everybody leave the room. And with one hour I was to, I was dilated to nine with pushing contractions. And so, you know, I was able to like pick really back up where I left off. And so for me, some people find a deep comfort and security in being in the hospital. I've been asked before, like, are you an advocate of home births? And I'm like, absolutely not. Yeah, absolutely not. Where is the woman most comfortable? For me, it was not the hospital and it shut down my labor process.
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B
That's a great. Yeah. I mean, like everything in life, it's like, I'm not telling you how to live yours, don't tell me how to live mine. I'm just telling you my experience.
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A
Yes. And then now I'm having, you know, then I, I do get the epidural. I do get pitocin. She's sort of crooked in there and they're telling me to push and that I'm having contractions and I couldn't feel them. So I actually was quite detached. And then when they gave her to me, I just had to throw up right away. I'm so, so sensitive to medication. So I. She immediately had to go to my husband. There wasn't that moment. And that's okay. You know, like, I, I'm so grateful for that birth experience because I get to talk to women all over the world about hospital and home births and my experience and all of the above. But I would say that I prefer to feel.
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B
Yeah.
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It's. It's. For me, it was like, with my births, I gotta meet myself, and with my daughter Olivia in the hospital, I gotta meet the part of myself that is fully capable of surrendering to a divine unfolding. That wasn't what I thought I was gonna have. And, you know, in that moment when she was born that I thought I was gonna have, it was like a very deep surrender. And that's part of being a parent. So they've all been, in a different way, meeting myself. But I am okay with the pain.
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B
Yeah.
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And, boy, does that come. Some people talk about these orgasmic births, and I'm like, who are you?
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I hold that laugh. You chuckle a little bit, too.
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A
I feel like I kind of had one, though, actually.
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B
Really?
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A
So my third was 30 minutes of active labor, and she came so quickly, and everybody told me I was so quiet the whole time. And then she was born. It was so peaceful. I'm just pouring warm water on her head. She was born in. In the water. It was so peaceful. So interesting. Maybe that slightly orgasmic for.
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That's wild. I mean, I hope I have that. I hope that for all women. So it didn't. It's not. That's. Are you scared, like, your second, third, fourth, and fifth time before?
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Absolutely. There's always a point in every single pregnancy that I've ever had where my stomach's out to here, and I'm like, this baby has to come out of me at some point. Whether it's cesarean or birth or something, there is a potentially painful process ahead. And I definitely, every birth, have had that moment of panic.
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B
Yeah. It seems totally natural. Yeah. Yeah. I have a really good girlfriend who. Her first birth was a home birth, and she said a line that I'd be curious your take on. She's like, I want to do more. She has four beautiful babies, and she's like, I wanted to do more at home. But she's like, I didn't think my husband could handle it again because he was so freaked out for me. You know, it was so scary for him, and I was actually okay, but he was like, I don't think I can go through it again. Like, how. How did James handle it?
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A
Oh, thank God for James. I. I would have thrown my husband out of the room. I think, no offense to the husband, because everybody has a different way of watching their. Their other half, like, process pain.
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B
Right.
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A
But the first one at the hospital, I was in and out of the shower, and he was having to guess what I needed. I'm like, hot, cold, hot, cold. Like, change the water. Do they like. It's like, you need to be psychic and understand my needs. Yeah. But for the home births, it was really beautiful. And for the first birth. Oh, this is a little personal. But for the first birth, I'm like, you're not down there. You're up here.
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B
Yeah, yeah.
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A
With me. Yeah.
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B
You didn't want him seeing.
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A
Yeah. I'm like, changing your mind about things. The second one, he was in there helping deliver. Wow. Yeah. My doctor's like, hey, James, come here. And, like, you felt comfortable with that. And he was in there. I remember having a moment of thinking, like, we didn't discuss this, but it was perfect. It just. It felt perfect. And he's so deeply honoring of me and so loving and, like, worshiping of my body that I just feel so safe with him. Yeah. And I remember when I was birthing Amelia, my fifth, I wanted to have a birth where my team wasn't present. That was my request, like, you guys. But I'm not a free birther. I sort of like to know I have a team there if I need. And so they're, like, listening, and I call in my doula. I'm like, I'm breathing right. I'm pushing right. And she's feeling a little crooked. And, like, can you just make sure I'm breathing properly? I just wanted somebody to look. And she got like, yep. And then I eventually had my whole team come in, and Amelia was all bruised on one side. She was very crooked, pushing up against a bone in there. And I felt that leading up to the pregnancy, too. I was doing this sidewalk walk off the ledge to sort of even out my body. But, yeah, it was a pretty painful process of getting her moving through. And there was a moment where I was in such deep pain and so surrendered really to God at this point. And my husband looked at me, and he said, so emotional for me. He looked at me and he's like, I know this is so hard for you. Oh, my God, babe, you were so sweet. He's like, I know. I see her up so hard for you, but this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in the whole world. And he is like, you're just so beautiful, and you are doing it. Wow. And I was like, that gave me that little extra bit of strength to help deliver the baby. So I. You know, it's like the woman does everything right, but if we can have more men, James just maybe should be talking about this to everybody. Like, learning how to really, truly support their partner in this process. I know he was part of, like, my divine strength for that one. Like, absolutely. For Jeremiah, my sixth baby, I was in our bathtub, and it was one of my more difficult births as well. I'm thinking my six, they would shoot right out of me. He was over a pound bigger than my next biggest birth.
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B
Oh, yeah. And you're little.
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A
I'm fairly low. I got some birthing hits on me, but I. Yeah, I am. And so I had this crystal a friend gave me that she said she held in her labor. I picked that up, and I picked up another one, and I was preying on all the sisterhood that's ever birthed a child in the entire world or that's ever held a woman in birth, that has not birthed a child to, like, be with me, to birth this child. And. And, like, I held those, and I was. I had all the sisterhood of the world come in, and I had a midwife that knew, stand over there, and, like, I gotta go into my full thing. Nobody messed with my energy. My friend Peggy was there. She was, like, just sort of holding a Reiki space. And I, like, mustered up everything I had, but it was like. And that's how it's like, you know, I met the surrendered part of myself with Olivia. With this birth with Jeremiah, I'm at that, like, female sisterhood warrior part of myself. So each birth has been something different for me that I think for my soul process, I've needed on my journey. And we all have something else that we need. Like, I recently, we talked a little bit about being a medical intuitive. I recently worked on this woman. When I say work, it's really just listening to what the body has to say. That had had some deep trauma with sexual abuse. I know. And. And. And I saw her scarred. And, like, were all your babies delivered via cesarean? She said yes. And I saw how profoundly beautiful the gift her soul gave her children. She was kind of, like, protected. Don't go into this energy. You're coming out here. And how, like, I had never seen. Like, it was just this super. And. And there are other people that will have abuse and still birth out so beautifully. And it's a very deep healing process for everybody. But in this specific scenario, I was like, what a sacred gift being born through cesarean births you gave your children because that was her soul's way of. Of holding her children as a mother for the first time. Wow. I know. So just for me, with birth, it's Just always a beautiful unfolding. And it's one of the greatest surrenders. We can all have our plans in place, but being a parent is like the great surrender and knowing that it's a co creation.
- [24:33]
B
Yeah. I mean one of the reasons I really wanted to have you on here is that I have so many girlfriends right now that are struggling to get pregnant. And I think it's a nationwide, maybe a global epidemic. It is. And what's wild is I have watched some of my friends go through three, five, eight rounds of ivf. I have watched them struggle with charts and graphs and 400 pills a day. And I'm not a doctor, I have no idea what is right to do there or what is not. But then I have watched some of my friends, really oddly a lot of them here in Austin who like you know, jabby, 40, pregnant twice beautifully, easily, easily. And you know, Liz, who I think you know, to her has had her, her little second and I'm like, wait a second. There seems to be this other option which is, you know, maybe this conscious contraception. It's a little bit more woo woo. Like how do you see the world now from difficulty of getting pregnant? What do you think's happening and what are you seeing with all the women that you're talking to about getting pregnant? Because you group, group gatherings with them.
- [25:45]
A
Yeah, I do. Yeah. And pregnancy is, is a big one for me. Like there are all sorts of divine blessings and openings and listening to the body that are present there. So what I've personally seen is in listening to a woman's body, there are many stories to be told. A lot of times abuse or a lot of times watching a family member struggle, or a lot of times just being out of touch with the body. And then there are a lot of people that simply have this as part of their divine unfolding process, you know, so it's like you really never know. It's kind of like my birth with Olivia. Sometimes there is a divine surrender. Maybe you need to make peace with medicine. Maybe you need to make peace with showing up and going to appointments and just having another calling it it's there. I've never seen it be the same thing for everybody. But what I wouldn't say if somebody is really struggling is the first thing I would suggest is to sit with somebody and really learn if there's something that your body wants to communicate with you. Because sometimes it can lift something like that and somebody gets pregn right away. Yeah, but it's not always that. Sometimes like there there wants to be this earthly surrender process.
- [27:15]
B
It's a good point. And you know what I found to be so helpful as I think about going through pregnancy too, is just having other women around you that are open to talking about it. This is never something I talked about. I didn't want to talk about it, wasn't interested in it. And I thought you really didn't talk about it. It was like sex, religion, pregnancy, I guess, like.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And now there are these. Yeah. Which we should talk about.
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A
I've had five miscarriages, two late term, near death experiences. Oh, my God. And I remember I first started talking about miscarriages and nobody was talking about them. Like, nobody was talking about them. Yeah. It was a bit of a lonely place, but I didn't. I didn't care. Everybody has a different grieving process and mine was just. Just being upfront.
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B
Yeah. My mom actually was similar. She had four miscarriages and then one baby all the way to fully. But that was my sister Kristen, and she died. She was just born with a tiny little heart, like not a big enough heart. And so she only lived for a few months. And that was in between me and my brother. But I remember the statistics on it afterwards. Like late term miscarriages, you have a 90% divorce rate.
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A
90%.
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B
90%. And if you lose a child, it's closer to 95% as a parent.
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A
Whoa.
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B
And so watching my parents come through that on the other side was. I didn't realize how rare that was. Wow.
- [28:48]
A
I had no idea either. What I will share is that I had the one late term miscarriage at 17 weeks with a boy. And then I got pregnant right away. I was not trying to get pregnant because that was not like truly was in your death experience. And then the next one at 17 weeks. Get this. Okay. I'll tell you the whole story. So that first one happened on November 17th. Seventeen weeks. Boy. Then I got pregnant and I was given the due date of November 17th.
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B
Oof. That's crazy. That couldn't give me the children, right? Yeah.
- [29:27]
A
With a boy at 17 weeks, the same thing happened. Wow. Yes. So then I came to Texas and I got this amazing doctor that was like, you need a stitch. You need a cervical cerclage to make sure that you're not opening up early. And I got that.
- [29:49]
B
They, like, make your vagina smaller.
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A
What they do is they go in and they stitch your cervix together so it doesn't open up.
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B
Is that what's happening? So, like, baby was like dropping out. Whoa. That's Wild.
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A
Yeah. Perfectly healthy. I know. Yes.
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B
How did you even figure that out?
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A
This doctor.
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B
Wow.
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A
And my doctor in LA too was like, I think this may be the thing he. He knew as well. But I was in Texas at this point. Interesting. So yeah, it was pretty wild. But that's one of the benefits of being open and talking to. To what you were speaking to about pregnancy and really just having women get together. Yeah.
- [30:31]
B
Well, I think when I was younger, I used to think women got together and you bemoan men. Right. You know, like you get together and you're like, no good guys.
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A
You know it's so not true.
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B
Right? Yeah. I was talking to. I was giving a little bit of a hard time to the ladies who do my hair and makeup for this because they're beautiful. They're like stunning. Kyle knows. No, just kidding. He has a girlfriend. He's not allowed to respond, but. But they're like these beautiful young women. And I was asking them, I'm like, what's going on? Are we dating? What's happening? And they're like, no, there's no good men here. I'm like, well, if you say that, what do you think you're putting out there? What are you gonna get?
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A
I love when you say things like that because that is such a deep truth.
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B
I think it's true.
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A
It is a deep truth. It's we frequency match.
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B
Yeah.
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A
That's what we do. Right. So what's the part of you that stop trusting men?
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B
Yeah.
- [31:21]
A
And. And honestly, I've moved through that big time in big ways. And how do you really helped blossom me open? I think with anything. So when we're listening to the body and what the body has to say, it's the same thing. And listen, I'm far from a perfect person here. I'm definitely in deep human processes. So let me just start by saying that. But for me, the way that I fix my relationship with men was being curious about where it was coming from. What have I heard growing up? What are the conversations? What have my experiences been? And do I need to perpetuate this pattern or can I let it go? I think when I was driving here today, had. You're such a sacred spot to come home to. I must say I had this whole revelation actually on the way here that I'm dedicating myself to God. And I did it on my drive here. Yeah, I was like, why not? Yeah, like why not? And so in doing that, you have God as your partner to bounce everything on. Here's how I'm really feeling and I'm going to be at least super honest with you.
- [32:40]
B
Yep.
- [32:40]
A
You know, just go be really honest with God and get really, really curious about yourself and where things come from and ask for help.
- [32:50]
B
That's so true. I mean, you know what's fascinating? This is the two girls downstairs. I said, well, have you been like, I went to Red Rocks Church the other day in Austin, which is like, it's kind of lovely. It's in this like old school movie theater. And so it's a very new agey church. Right. So it's like a bunch of young people that got together, they got cheap rent. You know, the place is slammed, it's totally full. But I went in because I'm doing a church tour to try to find a church that I like. So I went with a friend of mine and we went to a few of them and we walk in and I looked around and I was like, there's so many beautiful people here. There's so many beautiful young men and women here. And so I said that to him. I'm like, have you been to church? Like, we go every Sunday. I'm like, wow, so you're like, you know, spiritual young women. They both said they kind of newly came back to it. And I go, but do you talk to anybody when you're there? Like, no, we kind of run in, we scamper out, you know. So you're like, well, that's probably not going to help it that much.
- [33:46]
A
Yeah.
- [33:46]
B
But I do feel that there's this group of humans who are all feeling comfortable enough to say, I believe in God.
- [33:53]
A
Yes.
- [33:54]
B
Like that. I can't imagine very many people in LA when you guys were in the midst of being famous and having all girl.
- [34:01]
A
I've always just been so upfront.
- [34:03]
B
Did you?
- [34:04]
A
Yes.
- [34:05]
B
What would people say to you? Like, was that normal that other people.
- [34:08]
A
In my life think I'm not? I mean, I'm like speaking light language, which in church it's talking in tongues, connecting to God, looking at like the quantum field inside somebody's body unabashedly, at least in my private life. And now I'm telling people a little bit. I'm like, I'm ready to let the cat out of the bag more. I'm so done of hiding. So done with hiding. It's like, I'm just so done with hiding. So done with hiding. We are divine creatures. Sing about it. Like, just let it be. Okay. You don't believe in God. Where did we come from? And what energy created the big Bang.
- [34:51]
B
Yeah.
- [34:52]
A
There was an energy that created it. What is that energy?
- [34:55]
B
Yeah.
- [34:56]
A
Where is all this coming from?
- [34:57]
B
Yeah.
- [34:58]
A
Trust your divine intelligence. And if you don't want to, that's fine. But, like, I've also go gone so deep, I just. I came back from Egypt this summer. It was a profound trip for me, tapping into our one collective consciousness. And you hear that so much about our one collective consciousness. But what happens to, like, actually drop into it and feel that you are me and I am you? The whole world becomes your oyster. The whole world is conspiring in your divine, authentic truth. That's what happens. So, like, why not just be honest about it? And if somebody wants to think I'm nuts, that's fine.
- [35:43]
B
Yeah. Well, I think the part that's interesting is we hold, like, kind of know. You know, I. I heard this thing the other day that really resonated with me, and it was like, truth is like a tuning fork.
- [35:54]
A
Yes.
- [35:54]
B
Feel it when you hear it.
- [35:56]
A
Yes.
- [35:56]
B
And you feel it and you get. That's why you get the little chills. And maybe at different points in your life, you're not open enough to hear it. But I increasingly am feeling the exact same way. And I think it's important that we interweave the really tactical and quantitative, like, business with the things that feel a little bit more qualitative, harder to touch. And I think. I mean, what's interesting about you is you've spoken truth to power multiple times when it was not very convenient. And, you know, like, I remember in 2020 when you had a group of friends here who were. You know, people love to think that fame is great in many ways, but, you know, you had this group of friends who you weren't really looking for. You weren't trying to change anybody's mind. You guys were kind of private about it as far as I saw. But you had beliefs about vaccines and basically questions, you know, some questions about them. And I remember reading this article that.
- [36:48]
A
Was like, Rolling Stone.
- [36:50]
B
Yeah. Was it Rolling Stone?
- [36:51]
A
Yeah. They wrote a beautiful article about me.
- [36:53]
B
Okay, so explain what happened, because I remember it profoundly. And thinking, what a bizarre thing for Rolling Stone to focus on.
- [37:03]
A
James Van Der Beek's wife speaking conspiracy theories.
- [37:07]
B
Yeah.
- [37:08]
A
Yeah. Well, let me start by saying this. 2020 was a time of activating our shadow self. I had been divinely instructed to not speak the way that I was speaking. And what really activated me, and I think one of the things that they wrote about, if I was not tapping in deeper, I would have probably been like, she's nuts, you know, But I wrote about somebody that was getting shushed.
- [37:41]
B
Yeah.
- [37:42]
A
And now we actually have the information that people were actually getting censored and the real, real stories were actually being censored and removed from social media. Now I felt like I was screaming to the wind because I was watching somebody post a story and then watching it get deleted and then watching them have to create new accounts.
- [38:02]
B
Yeah.
- [38:03]
A
And these are all things that are okay to say now?
- [38:06]
B
Yeah.
- [38:06]
A
Okay. We're being told they're rare. Yeah, great. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. I think the thing is, we need to all be a little curious. And so, yeah, I. It was just. I'm just like, whatever, Whatever woman. Like, it was a woman that wrote the article. I started following her for a little bit, and I'm like, she's trying her best.
- [38:28]
B
Yes. Send them love.
- [38:30]
A
Just let her do her best. I think if we look deep enough, we're all going to find skeletons in the closet. You're going to find tons about me. Of course, I'm. The things that somebody would say, and I'd be like, damn, girl. Like, you should have woke up a little during that period. Okay, that's fine. So we got into a culture of trying really hard to discredit the person when the information was ringing a truth, because that tuning fork within was getting really powerful. So let's make sure we're discrediting the vessel of the truth. And so that, I believe, was a real strong tactic to bring people down. So that article was done to discredit the vehicle, which I was not in my shining glory with my delivery systems. I wasn't. And I was very reactive. So my frequency is sharing fear. Like, that's really not actually what I want to do. But there was a lot of truth coming from here. There was a lot of truth coming from here. And I could improve upon the way that I was sharing it. But I had, I'll tell you, hundreds of people thank me for the article. They're like, I read that. And I was like, thank you. Thank you, people. Very unexpectedly. And almost nobody say anything negative to me. Interesting people that you would be very surprised. I was like, all right, well, now.
- [40:01]
B
They'Re all moving to Texas.
- [40:03]
A
Well, listen, like, a lot of the things that were deemed conspiracy theories have actually panned out as truths.
- [40:12]
B
Well, I mean, look at. Zuckerberg has come out now and said, actually, I wish we hadn't censored so many people around the vaccine. And also the government asked us to.
- [40:24]
A
And also the Truth is conspiracy theory. It itself was something utilized by the CIA to. To pick people in their place. And whoever is utilizing these term or this term, it's. It's being utilized as. As a way to demean somebody's curiosity about where the truth is coming from. But in 2020, you know, I got to play a little devil's advocate here. Some of the things people were saying, I think were quite. Are fetched from the truth. And so, you know, conspiracy theory can be a little spark that sets off a bonfire in ways that are really not necessarily helpful to further our culture along. But I think if we just turn it into. Let's be curious.
- [41:14]
B
Yeah.
- [41:15]
A
You know, I've grown up a lot since 2020. I think all of us have. It's like, let's just spin things into curiosity and what feels like truth and what feels like a distraction.
- [41:26]
B
Yeah. And I think it should always be okay to question things. Doesn't mean you have to believe anything.
- [41:31]
A
Society does not move forward without curiosity and questions. It doesn't. And so we will always be. If we're like science, science, science. Science is a beautiful thing. And we're limited by however far science has gone up until that point. So what's going to propel us further that, like, curiosity? Like, let's look into it, let's study it. And I always like when it's, you know, when we talk about truth again, as a tuning fork, if you don't feel like your tuning fork is clean enough to feel truth, what you can get curious about is where life feels sticky. So, like, where's your let's talk about sex sexual expression coming from? Is it coming from a place that feels sticky? Or do you feel in your divine erotic truth? Like how. Where. Where's that energetic coming from? Is it sticky? Is it coming from shame? Like, you know, we. This is where our babies come from. Right. So let's get really curious with where sticky energy is, because we all have it. And what's the sticky energy holding me down from? Seeing what's going on. And a lot of times, sticky energy is just distraction from trauma.
- [42:53]
B
Yeah.
- [42:54]
A
And so when we get to a place where we can start really looking at that and then unwinding our trauma and letting us ourselves actually feel comfortable in feeling the things that we need to unwind, then we can have this really deep collective healing, which I believe we're having.
- [43:08]
B
Yeah. It does definitely feel like there's change in the air.
- [43:11]
A
Yeah.
- [43:11]
B
What about. So, I mean, let's think about that. So for young women, I Think young women today desperately do want partnership and somebody to be with, but they have a lot of negative commentary coming around. Men aren't great. You know, there's no good men. All these things. If you were to, you know, change somebody's mind or. What did you do when you started to change your mind? How did you. You started questioning where those. Those stories came from. What else have you seen women do to reopen themselves to partnerships?
- [43:42]
A
Well, let's take this, like, moment to. To just do a visual, Right. So if you close your eyes and you let the animal instincts come in, like relationships, the difference is you're sexually intimate versus, you know, a roommate. So. Well, not all relationships, but when you're. You're making babies and you're choosing life partner. So you look and you see all these people and their animal behaviors wanting to pounce on you, which is great. Like, you're wanting to pounce back. You're an animal. We're, you know, creatures with these desires. But then if you just sort of calm that system just a little bit, you will see the needle in the haystack clearly looking at you. And it's not hard to find when you're looking for it and when you know and you believe it's there and you walk directly to each other and you connect. But it's. There's always going to be the needle in a haystack, and your frequency will draw you right to each other. You don't have to play the game.
- [44:55]
B
Interesting.
- [44:56]
A
You don't have to play the game.
- [44:57]
B
The split painting and the.
- [44:59]
A
Yeah, well, if you want to, maybe that's how you're going to find the eyes. Like, I don't know if you can see the visual the same way I did, but it's like there's just. Everybody feels like a shark when they're not your one.
- [45:11]
B
Yeah.
- [45:11]
A
You know, but your person will be there. You just have to meet them. You have to be willing to see them.
- [45:18]
B
Yeah.
- [45:18]
A
And you have to be willing to, like, look through it and know they're there.
- [45:22]
B
Interesting. How did you. And because you and James have been married for 14 years.
- [45:25]
A
Yeah.
- [45:26]
B
Right. How did you two meet?
- [45:27]
A
We met in Yaffa.
- [45:29]
B
I don't even know what that is. Really?
- [45:31]
A
Yeah.
- [45:31]
B
Are you Jewish?
- [45:33]
A
No. We were both on a spiritual trip. We both studied Kabbalah. Our teachers were really close. And James tells this story way better than me. But I was asking. I came up to his teacher to ask him a question while James was saying he's ready to, like, meet his woman, meet his wife, he had gone through a divorce and was still going through a divorce, actually. But he was ready for, like, that serious relationship. And I interrupted that conversation.
- [46:04]
B
Like, I'm literally here.
- [46:07]
A
And so it took him. Like, I remember he was holding me in the water in the Mediterranean Sea, like, what are you looking for in a relationship? And I'm looking at him, I'm thinking, God, this guy's amazing. But like I said, I'm not looking for a relationship. I actually wasn't looking. And there he was. And it took him not very long to. To figure that out, to work me down. And I think the magic of, you know, when you. You can see somebody that, like, he was looking right at me, there's like, an openness, but there wasn't. And I find this with my friends a lot when they meet a super special somebody they're not like, desperately yearning for. You know, it's this sort of blossoming that happens inside where you feel good about who you are.
- [46:56]
B
Yeah.
- [46:57]
A
And you're comfortable in it. And, of course, there's always exceptions. You know, people meet each other and grow together all the time. But I. I think it's the first thing that you have to recognize is that, yeah, there are special men out there. You may have met a lot that aren't the ones for you, but maybe they're super special to somebody else. And maybe, like, it's. When two people have the right chemistry, they make each other feel really special.
- [47:30]
B
You know, it's a great point. I mean, I'm sure I always joke with my husband. You know, he always says that he was a saint before me. There were no. No women before me. But I'm like, you were a Navy SEAL in San Diego. Like, come on, let's be honest about what's happening there. Many fruits of the loins, but. But I think the beautiful part about it is, you know, if you were to talk to a lot of the women before me with him, I'm sure they aren't his biggest fan.
- [47:56]
A
Yeah.
- [47:57]
B
And, you know, he's always been very kind and honest to a fault, sometimes badly. But I'm sure it's the same with James. It's like, of course they're. And with me, I'm sure if you talk to some of my exes, they'd be like, that broad was crazy.
- [48:10]
A
Same, you know, oh, and I definitely was. But it's like, what do you bring out in each other? And even, like, weaving in different ways. You had said so many people get a divorce when they go through the Miscarriage.
- [48:22]
B
Yeah.
- [48:23]
A
When James and I went through those back to back. And then his mom passed away. We have had years of grieving and wanting to kill each other. Like, it's like this deep love snuggle. And then like.
- [48:37]
B
Yeah.
- [48:38]
A
Because we need a safe place to take out our feelings. And unfortunately, a lot of times we do that with our partner.
- [48:44]
B
That's true.
- [48:45]
A
Yeah. And so, you know, we have been through so much since we moved to Texas that had made us grow in these incredible ways. But also, it's like relationships. You. You really have to show up.
- [48:59]
B
You do have to show up.
- [49:00]
A
You really have to show up.
- [49:02]
B
Yeah. Chris is incredible at making me show up because I'm totally avoidant often.
- [49:07]
A
Yeah.
- [49:07]
B
And I can really get into work and focus on everything else. And he is like, we are here. We will have the hard conversations. And that's the most important thing that we can ever do.
- [49:17]
A
Yeah.
- [49:17]
B
And so everything else kind of doesn't matter if the two of us aren't working. And it's a real testament to him, I think, the relationship that we have today, in a lot of ways.
- [49:28]
A
Yeah.
- [49:29]
B
But I think in the beginning, I was trying to think with young people. Today, I'm like, God, I don't think that there's a better gift than finding a person that you can do life with and realizing it's going to be super hard. There's no, like, rainbows and sunshines. You know, that more than anything. You have six kids. I don't even have kids. And it's hard.
- [49:46]
A
Yeah.
- [49:47]
B
But, like, what a gift. And I want. I want that for people.
- [49:51]
A
Was it uncomfortable for you to show up when he, like, pulled you in and made you show up?
- [49:57]
B
Oh, yeah, of course. I'm like, we'll just deal with that later. Shove that down deep inside. Yeah. That's not how my family deals. I mean, it comes back to a lot of our, you know, how we're socialized.
- [50:07]
A
Yeah.
- [50:08]
B
You know, so for my family, it was like, feelings. You know, we kind of. We don't talk about them aggressively. We're kind and calm. Even if we don't feel kind and calm, we don't say the quiet part out loud. And he's not like that.
- [50:22]
A
Same with James. It was the most uncomfortable expansion.
- [50:26]
B
Interesting.
- [50:27]
A
Yeah. I'm still working on it.
- [50:29]
B
Yeah. So is he the more like, we're going to talk about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [50:36]
A
But thank God. Thank God, because now I don't implode.
- [50:40]
B
Yeah. Yeah. 100%, you know, interested.
- [50:43]
A
Yeah. And I share all of this, because there's this whole idea of, you know, there's no good guys, but it's like, what's the communication and how is everybody communicating? And are you showing up to work through things together? Yeah, it's not always going to be your person to work through things, or. I found two people that have incredible relationships, and then they just find, oh, this is done. Now we've actually feel pretty complete. This was super magical and a little painful, but, like, it's time to move on. And I've seen people do that in such beautiful ways.
- [51:24]
B
Yeah. Yes, 100%. I mean, I was not quite like that with my ex when I got divorced.
- [51:29]
A
Yeah.
- [51:30]
B
I mean, I tried to be, but just the two of us were young and not very evolved in that way. Yeah, but. But now I think, you know, there's just so many ways to not villainize the other person, which is kind of what you're saying. It's like, hey, maybe this other person isn't a terrible, narcissistic, you know, bad human. They're just not right for you, and you're not right for them. And I think if we could have more of that in the world and less of the casual, loose sex, who cares about your other person? You know, men are bad, women are good. The world would be a little bit better. And, like, part of this podcast is pushing back on this. This philosophy. And I think it's really important also to show the beauty of motherhood, which, like, we don't really get to talk about that much. Like, unless you're listening to a motherhood podcast and who's listening to a motherhood podcast?
- [52:21]
A
They're not mothers. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's. That's it. And here. Here's the thing with the beauty of motherhood. So I feel like I'm on the phone call that a lot of people make when they get pregnant or, you know, they're feeling isolated in their motherhood.
- [52:37]
B
That's what I've heard about you.
- [52:38]
A
I do not think society supports motherhood. I actually think it is setting mothers up for failure. And it's a. It's really devastating how everybody calls me and tells me how lonely they are and, like, they can't take a shower, you know, and some people can take a deep pleasure in that, but everybody needs time for themselves, too. Like, what happened to being in the same house together? What happened to having families in the same house together or living like a village? We all have, you know, at our. At our best, our own pool and our Own sauna and our own kitchen and our own big bedroom or, you know, and, and, and sometimes I see these families not being able to afford all those things and they are living together and they feel supported and they take care of each other's children and I'm like, who is the joke on? Yeah, you know, why are we doing this so separately? You know, I was in the middle of Beverly Hills living low life, right. And it's like, I want to wake up and do breakfast with a sister and their kids and, you know, so I came here and community was so important to me and we moved onto a spot where I could have friends move on. I have my sister and her son at the house right now. Do you know how psyched my son Jeremiah is to wake up and see his three year old cousin every morning? Yeah, we have one, two more mornings of that, but why not more? Because we all have to work to pay our property taxes so we can get medical insurance and so that we can pay for more roads and pay for more separation and pay for more trips. But what happened? Like, just being together. I'm so sick of this culture, honestly, like, I'm so sick of it. And, and, and, and I'm like, okay, but I need to show up for the game, you know, I need to show for the game. So I'm the person that could absolutely live in a yurt in the middle of a forest.
- [55:00]
B
I get that vibe from you.
- [55:02]
A
I'm so serious. I will build my hobbit house into the ground. No shoes, no shoes. Live next to me. We will do all the homemade things together. I like, you know, I'm super down to be the boss bitch too. I love working and I love that kind of thing, but, like, not if it's taking away from my time with my kids.
- [55:26]
B
Yeah, well, I mean, there's a giant movement right now of coming back to sort of traditional values. I think women everywhere, like on Instagram, and we're seeing the sourdoughs with the pansies on top of them, and we're seeing the little apothecaries in the kitchen. And we're kind of like coming back full circle to this.
- [55:42]
A
Like, but they're exhausted.
- [55:44]
B
That is the problem.
- [55:45]
A
They're exhausted.
- [55:46]
B
Like, I don't have time to make a pumpkin sourdough kit.
- [55:49]
A
Here's the thing, like, not all of them are exhausted. Some people have figured it out. Yeah, I love cooking. I would love to cook. But do you know what else has to happen too? Cleaning all the shit that we're buying with all the money that we're making and having too much abundance, that's a freaking job.
- [56:09]
B
So how do we, so, so how do people start bringing this in their lives? Like I've watched for instance, I don't know you as well, but I've watched like Gabby for instance, another girlfriend of ours does an incredible job of like Shabbat every Friday. Everybody's invited over. She does an incredible job of saying like, no, no, just come stay with us and like bring some food and like, you know, whatever. And we just, we hang out there for like an entire weekend. And I think especially because the generation right below us, they are like, they don't want to call, they want to text one another. They've kind of gotten, they'd gotten away from being close because technology's inserted itself and I think it's like if young people, if you could like be the person who's the center, doesn't even mean you have to have the house. But just invite other people over, bring them into the mix more frequently and try to offload some of the work.
- [57:02]
A
Yes.
- [57:02]
B
Because otherwise it is exhausting because you're lonely and you're doing everything.
- [57:05]
A
Yes. This is what everybody calls and tells me I'm telling and, and God bless the Gabby's because I do the same thing. Yeah, come over. Come spend the weekend, come spend the week. Just come over. My favorite thing is when all our cabin rooms are taken. Now not everybody can do that.
- [57:25]
B
Yeah.
- [57:25]
A
You know, I see Elon's book here or this book about Elon and I'll say one fun fact about Elon. My friend Bri, her daughter sleeps with in the same room with her son and Elon takes over their room when he's in Silicon Valley.
- [57:45]
B
Yeah, he's very communal. Right.
- [57:46]
A
He, he, he, Last I talked to him, he was sleeping at a friend's house. It's like we can have all the things, it doesn't mean we need to have them all by ourselves.
- [57:59]
B
That's such a good point.
- [58:00]
A
You know what I mean?
- [58:01]
B
Yeah. I mean Kim and I, a good friend, Kim, we do sleepovers whenever our husband are out of town. And I'm like a 38 year old woman doing a sleepover.
- [58:09]
A
But why not?
- [58:10]
B
But it's actually one of our favorite moments.
- [58:11]
A
Yes. When, when bring back sleepovers. When my husband leaves, I invite friends to come over and it's like, it's like when the cat's away, the mice will play this like flowers and wine and like. Yeah, or, yeah, or I have all my kids in my room with me, and we do that. And I think this, like, merging to more of a village life is a really beautiful ideal, but it's not. Everybody is supported in being able to just do this. Right. So if you see somebody in your life that's not supported and being able to do this, invite them in.
- [58:48]
B
Yeah. Bring them over.
- [58:50]
A
Bring them on over. And if they want, you know, it's like, I'm not here to change other people or decide how they live, but I'll live the way that I want to live the best that I can. And if that inspires somebody, then it does. If it doesn't, then it doesn't. Like, I'm just. That's where I'm at at this point in life.
- [59:10]
B
Yeah. It's a better way to be. I want to end talking a little bit about school.
- [59:15]
A
Okay.
- [59:16]
B
So you homeschool your kids, right?
- [59:19]
A
Not anymore.
- [59:19]
B
Mixture 100% not. What's going on?
- [59:23]
A
Yeah. Yeah. So in LA, I started a school at my house, and then when I got pregnant with my fifth child, I was like, this is not happening in here anymore. And it was eight kids. People took their first day of school photos at my door, and. And I loved it. And the kids were learning Korean and Spanish and singing, and it was a lot of fun. My kids don't have all good memories of it because they didn't want structure in their own house. So there's. Yeah, there's things with that as well. And then they went to another school that was similar at somebody else's house after that. It was a beautiful experience for them. And we've also done homeschooling, and I say that lightly. There is a whole sort of movement to unschool as well.
- [60:14]
B
Right.
- [60:14]
A
Which is like, let's create that culture where we live together, and kids sort of let their curiosities guide the way. I think it works for some, but not. Not all. Then during COVID I had my kids in some sort of schooling pro program that wasn't working, and then I had them home. And what I found was. And here's how there's like, a little bit of a surrender to. To live with the world, not just. Just New Earth or against the ways we all have to weave together. Right.
- [60:50]
B
Yeah.
- [60:51]
A
And some of my kids were wanting a school experience.
- [60:58]
B
Yeah.
- [60:59]
A
And so, you know, it's like part of the parenting thing is, I know what I want for you. I'm going to give that to you. And when you get curious about something else, it's not dangerous.
- [61:11]
B
Yeah.
- [61:11]
A
I'm gonna honor that. So my oldest started public school this year, and for me, that is huge. I did public school. I hated it. I felt like I was forced to learn for eight hours a day things I was very uninterested in. And the whole reason somebody gets passionate about alternative educations for their children is probably cause they didn't have an experience that felt nurturing to them. Yeah, true, Right? So I provide everything I can so that my kids can have a different experience. And then I got a text. One of the best texts ever from my daughter is she has a phone, which I think delay that phone as long as we can. But I get a text from her because I'm gonna go pick her up. And she was like, mom, I just wanna say thank you. I'm having the time of my life at public school, and I really appreciate you having the conversations with me and honoring my exploration of what I want to do. It was the most mature text ever. And I was like, oh, that's my child that I had in the hospital that taught me to surrender a little bit to whatever the system that wanted to work through was. And guess what? It's working out for her.
- [62:39]
B
That's great.
- [62:40]
A
I think there's so many people that are like, they think of me and they think crunchy, griddle, alternative. And that's all true. But the one thing that is the most important to me is to also, like, meet my children where they're at and honor them. And, yeah, I'm having to play some catch up for some of the kids that are seeing how awesome a time Olivia's having in school, and now they're wanting the same thing. Maybe she's loving it so much because she didn't have it. So, you know, it's like, it's just a different experience for her. Football games, studying. She loves it. I'm like, oh, regurgitating information for a test. Are you conceptually understanding it? No. You're still having fun. Okay. Like, let's make sure we're conceptually understanding things as well. She's almost 14. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [63:34]
B
That's a. That's a tough age in general too.
- [63:36]
A
Yeah. I think for me, the. The biggest thing in supporting my kids as they're wanting to branch out and experience, you know, the system. Yeah. Is that I just keep them curious thinkers.
- [63:51]
B
Yep.
- [63:52]
A
And critical thinkers. So you heard something? How does it sit with you? Is the truth tuning for going off? Does it feel sticky? Does like. Like, what's the energetics behind it? I mean, we've been Learning false history for so long. Right. So, you know, question, get curious.
- [64:14]
B
Interesting. Is there a process that you guys have? Like for instance, I sit, my husband and I, each night.
- [64:20]
A
Yeah.
- [64:21]
B
We do like two things. We love to have a glass of wine together or some sort of drink, but we're never allowed to have the same cheers. So each night it's like, let's cheers to something and it try. You don't have to be ridiculous over the top about it. But like, let's have a little intentional moment of something that could be very habitual and sort of habit forming that you don't think about much. And then he also does a really great thing each day where instead of just like, how's your day, honey? Which always sort of annoyed me.
- [64:45]
A
Yeah.
- [64:45]
B
But instead we really usually at the end of the day talk about one thing we learned. Like, tell me, like, what did you learn today? Like, what's interesting? What are you bringing back? Because I didn't get to see you all day. So tell me, is that, is there something you do like that with your kids or with your family?
- [64:59]
A
I feel like those conversations are just birthed organically because there are some days where with my six kids, I'm like, I just want to be able to like every day answer your one question over there or the one of you that wants like a snuggle in private time. And the world is not supporting that moment right now. So when I can get them, I'm really savoring them. Yeah. But I think the biggest thing for me is to be curious. You know, it sounds like your husband and you and your husband have curiosity about each other. And so for me it's like, where are we at with boys or girls or like, are we crushing? What's the conversation? What's like, what's feeling hard for you? What's, you know, like just having an open conversation with them and not judging responses is going to be so big for keeping that open communication. But you can like intuit who's needing more from you and create a space for it. So I like, it's just not a. Just a husband doesn't get to be a one size fit all. Yeah, it's not. It's like, oh, that one needs extra. Something's going on. Come here. You know, it's like having the octopus tentacles out and like feeling you come here and. And we have like a Sunday thing that we just enacted where I realized they're all getting older and they want to know what's going on in the week and they Were not receiving that sort of structure from me. I need some of you. I need some of the structure queen to be moving through me. Seem like, okay, so Sunday dinners, our family dinners. Everybody's home. We're going to go over the schedule for the week. Does anybody have. And we do these little family things, for example, like, around the table. What's important for you this fall? Like, is there something that you really want to see, really want to happen? My son is always like, he wants the fall decor. He wants the fall smells. He wants the. He'll even describe the experience he wants with the way the light fills the room onto the table.
- [67:09]
B
Wow.
- [67:09]
A
He gets very detailed with the smells.
- [67:11]
B
And the things and, like, the future actor creative there.
- [67:14]
A
Oh, all of them. All of them. All of them want in on the industry, by the way. As of now, we'll let that. Yeah. See what happens. And then. And then Olivia will be like, oh, I want to go to the football games. And, you know, but it's like, what's important to you, and let's see how we can honor this experience. And, you know, so I love that I can even.
- [67:35]
B
Do you want to have more kids? Are we done?
- [67:36]
A
At 6, James had surgery.
- [67:40]
B
You're, like, after. Yeah, that seems like sufficient. You've done your job. You've helped Elon out, repopulated the earth. You know, I know that's an end to him. We'd gotten past that.
- [67:50]
A
Yeah.
- [67:50]
B
I guess where I kind of wanted to close it out is, you know, if. If there is somebody listening about having a hard time maybe getting pregnant.
- [68:00]
A
Yeah.
- [68:00]
B
Maybe having a hard time tapping into a lot of the feminine abundance you've had in that way, what would you tell them? Where would you steer them? What books should they be reading? Who should they be listening to?
- [68:12]
A
I think the first thing they need to know is my life looks great. And I've had a very gifted, blessed, blessed life. I fuck up all the time. I have had really hard days. I have snapped. I have felt like shit, you know, And I feel so incredible and amazing and beautiful and so the first thing I just want to do is acknowledge a woman where she's at and know that she's not alone. I think that is the first thing, because if we all understand that we all have struggles because we're not living as a village anymore. We are not intimate with each other's struggles. That's one of the things that we're missing. You're having a bad fucking day. Let's get into it. Like, I can see it Because I see you every day. We can't do that. We're hiding behind these lives on social media. And the reality is, if my kids are having a bad day or I'm struggling, it may not be appropriate for my whole family for me to share that on media either. So no fault to anybody. It's like, okay, we've had a hard year. There's been a really difficult struggle we've been moving through. And it's not at my capacity to talk about it right now, you know? So the first thing is, you're not alone. The second thing is in a book, the second thing is be with yourself. Be with yourself. Have you allowed yourself time in bed to sit with how fucking depressed you feel? Have you said, okay, light body? I want you to come through me right now, and I want you to hold all the pain so that the pain doesn't feel like it has to drive anymore. I want you to sit on the bench with me and let me move through the tears and breathe. And I need you to guide me. Guide me. Bring the right books, bring the right people. Bring the process of moving through the emotional blockages. Bring the light activation in my body. And from there, I think Spirit Babies by Walter Mackiechan is an amazing book. I just love it. And it's not everybody's flavor, so if it's not your flavor, invite your flavor in. You know, that's my flavor. I love that shit. I love it. And yeah, but that's the one thing is, like, are you spending time with yourself? Are you giving your emotions the pain that you've experienced in life? Breathing room with a light driver. So. So where it's like, okay, this doesn't control me, but I let it. I like, I know how to hold it. And just let that happen. And also make a phone call if you haven't made a phone call. Find the three people that you're gonna feel really, really safe sharing everything with the hard stuff. And get on a text thread. I need a zoom call. I need tea. I need a womb massage. I need to cry. What do you need? But first, you have to know what you need. You have to. You have to be with yourself.
- [71:27]
B
Yeah, that's such a good point. Because half the time in business, too, that's why it doesn't work, is because you don't actually know what you want.
- [71:33]
A
Yeah. If your first thing is a book, you are already in somebody else's complete energetic field of what they think you need.
- [71:40]
B
Oh, it's very true.
- [71:41]
A
It's just not you yeah.
- [71:44]
B
You know, you gotta ask yourself the tough questions before you. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's a really good reminder. I always go back to the Oracle of Delphi, too. Know thyself.
- [71:53]
A
Mm.
- [71:54]
B
And I think that is the most beautiful thing you could give any human is try to figure out who you are.
- [72:01]
A
Try to figure out who you are.
- [72:03]
B
This was so good.
- [72:05]
A
I'm sorry.
- [72:05]
B
I'll be seeing you now. Where do you like everybody to go find you? I know.
- [72:09]
A
Oh, boy.
- [72:10]
B
Instagram.
- [72:11]
A
Your Instagram is great right now. My Instagram handle is vanderkimberly. I've actually not been doing my podcast recently. I found it was so incredible. It's been so amazing. And I am actually creating a newborn course because I.
- [72:30]
B
We need that.
- [72:31]
A
Yes.
- [72:31]
B
I have so much create a pregnancy course, too. Like, how to get.
- [72:35]
A
I definitely should. I. I started a new company that's gonna hold all of this. I need a team like you have down there. I gotta work that out.
- [72:42]
B
I know. We should have started with this.
- [72:43]
A
Well, okay. You know, but then I think, come.
- [72:45]
B
Back on when you have it.
- [72:47]
A
Yes, I'll come back on when I have it. Because. Because I do believe that it is those newborn days that set the seed for how you show up as a mom for yourself, for your baby. How you're putting boundaries and expectations on the people in your life and getting very clear on your needs and what's needed and how to start listening to that truth tuning fork within your own body. How to gather information and then let your intuition come through. Fold that in. These are all things I'm including in the newborn course, as well as little things that if I would have known on the first or second baby and didn't learn it on my fifth or sixth baby, it would have changed my life like I had. There was one tip that I'm sharing. I'm gonna share that this woman wrote me, I have a daycare, and you changed my life with this and that. One tip is this. There are many cultures that don't birth a newborn. And there are some pressure points where if you just like, touch little spots, it helps the newborn just naturally burp up gas. So, like, just reimagining everything we've ever learned of, like, that's okay. Sometimes I feel like I need that right here or my kids need that. But when I shared this other way of just like, rubbing the back gently like this, or holding your hand, you can, like, feel the energy of the burp moving up and through. It's so interesting. This woman is like all my babies with acid reflux stopped. Projectile vomiting across the room all the time. The amount of moms that wrote me on that little thing, I'm like, that took me five kids. Yeah, five kids.
- [74:38]
B
What's even, like, the face massage on babies? Oh, yeah, I've been reading about that. I don't know why I'm reading about that. First of all, it looks amazing every time I see that baby getting rubbed.
- [74:45]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [74:46]
B
Next.
- [74:47]
A
Yes.
- [74:47]
B
But there are so many things. It's overwhelming. I mean, I'll. I'll be hollering at you once I get lucky. Hopefully enough to have that happen, but you're right, it's overwhelming.
- [74:56]
A
All the things they teach you, it's overwhelming. So again, how do we bring it back to self if that baby picked you? And then also if somebody is hearing this and they already have children. I fucked everything up with my first child. Okay? She did not sleep at night. She was very colicky. I didn't know what to do about that. Three hours a night, she was crying. When she woke up in the morning, I put her on a swing in front of Yo Gabba Gabba. That is the opposite of what I would do right now. And that child is so resilient and so loving and so tender and so present and so. So self aware that, like, there's this whole thing that we have to get it all perfect as well, and we also have to throw that away because the reality is we are all such divine, perfect creatures. We're here for the earth experience. We are here to mess up. We're here to learn from it. We are here for this, like, exploration of life. And I think we just have to remember that because this, like, perfection mentality, to have it all right, or to even have it all natural and have it all homeschooled and it's just all pressure that we don't need, you know?
- [76:05]
B
Yeah.
- [76:06]
A
Yeah.
- [76:06]
B
I mean, sometimes I think you need a glass of whiskey, even though I try not to drink too much.
- [76:09]
A
Or Mezcal. Yes.
- [76:11]
B
I'm really into mezcal lately.
- [76:13]
A
Love it. Yeah, I don't really drink anymore, but a little sake or Mezcal on the rare occasion is perfect.
- [76:20]
B
I love that. Also, I didn't realize is the dumbest thing, but that tequila can be 51 tequila and 49. Whatever else. Did you know that the food.
- [76:30]
A
Don't give me scrap. That would be a whole. The street. Oh, the mescal is clean.
- [76:35]
B
It has to be 100% mezcal.
- [76:37]
A
Yeah. My friend has a mezcal. Company. Kimasabi. It's great.
- [76:41]
B
Okay, I'll have to try it, right? Vander? Kimberly.
- [76:44]
A
Yeah.
- [76:45]
B
Is that right? On all the socials?
- [76:46]
A
It is, yeah.
- [76:47]
B
Thank you for coming.
- [76:48]
A
Thank you.